Trevor sat in front of me, head in my lap as I ran my fingers gently through the little hair that he did have. He had his arms wrapped around my waist as we remained in silence on the futon. After his crying fit, he hugged me so tight that I couldn't breathe, so we relocated to somewhere and something more comfortable. Everything felt, in a way, right; it was calm and quiet.
Trevor's phone rang throughout the trailer; both of us jumping at the sound. Trevor lazily reached into his pocket, and answered,
"Hello?" He sounded exhausted.
"Yeah… sure… I'll be there. By-... huh? Okay, okay… I'll see what I can do." He groaned as he hung up the phone.
"Listen Lily, I need you to hold down the fort while I help with Franklin with something. He says that one of our mutual friends fucked up and is now being held hostage. We're gonna head out and save 'em." He stood up, pressing a gentle kiss onto my forehead before walking away.
"Wait Trevor!" Half-way through the door, I scrambled to get up and embrace him again.
"Please come back in one piece." Hugging me back he replied,
"I'll try." I let go, watching him walk down the porch and into the bodhi. I slid back inside as he drove off to wherever. Locking the door, I sighed; so much on my mind and yet no where to put it or someone to vent to. I lazily scanned the room and as my eyes fell on the futon, I realized that Trevor had left his phone. I carefully walked to it. The screen had been severely cracked, but it still worked decently well. I ran through his contacts, finding Tracy's name. Nervously holding my thumb over the call button, a thought popped into my mind. Would she want to listen to me or would she only talk about her own problems? I shook my head. Oh fucking well. I pressed call.
"Hello Uncle T! Whatcha doin?" Tracey's voice rang through my ears.
"Hey, it's Lily." I could feel my stomach turn into knots.
"Oh Lily! How's it going? How are you and Trevor?"
"We… uh… we're working on it." Nothing could really describe where we were at.
"How are you?" I asked.
"Oh, you know. Left the house because my dad was acting like a psychopath. Have you seen him recently?"
"Yeah I have, he's doin' alright, but don't leave him hangin' for too long."
"I knooow." Sarcasm thick in her voice.
"Listen, I was wondering if you could lend me your ear. I have a lot on my mind, and I just… I just really want to talk to someone." I could hear her perk up.
"Of course you can talk to me! Girl! We are like super close!" I smiled.
"You can talk to me too!" A second voice could be heard through the phone.
"Mrs. De Santa?"
"You can call me Amanda." Her tone turned stern. I laughed.
"Amanda."
"So what's going on? Is my husband causing trouble for you again? Trevor?"
"Ah, it's a mix of a whole lot of things, but actually not your husband."
"Well, we're both here to hear you out." Tracy stated. I took a deep breath.
I guess I'll just verbally barf.
"I'm not sure where to start, but I've just been having a difficult time lately trying to sort out my feelings for the whole thing. When things started out with Trevor, I kind of thought it was just going to self-destruct early and then I wouldn't have to deal with it. But it proved to me more resilient than that. He's done a lot of terrible things in his life, and one of those was kidnapping me. I sometimes feel like I've been manipulated to stay with him or at least I feel inclined to because he's very troubled. I mean, I'm here willingly now- kind of. The FIB brought me back in order to use me as a bargaining chip and as a way to get Trevor to behave, but I'm not being forced here because of Trevor, if that makes sense? I mean there are times where he's calm and professional; you wouldn't know that he was completely off the rails during those times because he does a complete 180 and it's weird. We've both made mistakes, some of them together but there are moments where I think things will work out and that maybe it's okay to be in a relationship. About a week ago, he completely fucked everything up by bringing up the past when there was really no point to. And then I got into a fight with Ron."
"Wait, Ron? Who's Ron?" Amanda quickly asked.
"Oh, that's one of Trevor's associates, friends… I'm not actually sure. But shit went down with him and now I've gotta deal with that. I'm not sure how I feel about that situation either."
"What's the situation? Listen, if I'm going to listen to all of this, I gotta hear all the good stuff." I laughed at Tracey's statement and Amanda's agreement.
"Ron and I have been at odds from the beginning. First he blamed me for a door, that he broke if I might add. Then goes off and starts causing all kinds of trouble for me, so I started doing the same to him. Fucker deserved it. Anyways, recent situation, we had a cooking competition because he was dissing hard on my skills and just kept bitching about how much I hated his cooking. In the end, I won and out of fucking nowhere, he just randomly kisses me. And then he and Trevor got into an argument and from what I heard from Trevor was that he was in love with me. But where the fuck is that coming from? Since when? I have too many questions, I can't ask because that might imply that I'm interested although I am curious as hell. But that's not okay because Trevor and I just made things better. Although I'm scared for both of them. Ron got yelled at by Trevor over the whole ordeal and I'm worried about what Trevor will say to him. Trevor went ahead, poured his whole heart out to me and I'm concerned about his mental health. I know you guys don't really care for him, but I do. That might sound backwards, considering you guys have known him for longer and everyone is trying to guess when everything will fall apart… but maybe I've been thinking like that too much and should try harder for this relationship."
"No it's okay not to try." Amanda sounded like she was trying to convince me.
"I did agree to this relationship and this last time that we made up, I've essentially stated that we are together but maybe I should ask him more formally. Maybe that would be better. I'll also need to talk to Ron, but only after Trevor does. I don't want to add anymore problems to that."
"How do you feel about Ron? I mean, you can feel how you want, and I've never met him… so?" Tracey questioned.
"How I feel about Ron? I mean he irritated the shit out of me for long and there were a couple times he was really nice, but those were far and few. We were starting to get along before this whole mess, but at the same time, I'm not actually sure. When I think about Ron, I think about how he technically can be a good friend, in a very violent way, but a good friend nonetheless and I do appreciate the amount of effort he is putting into everything so that we can become better friends. I do not want our friendship to change because I feel like we're good where we are and don't have any need to move forward from that point or anywhere from that point no matter how he feels. I'm sure he isn't going to push for a relationship or do anything like that, because he isn't like that, also Trevor will have something to say about it too. Ugh, I just want everything to be simple, I guess we can't get everything that we want."
"It can be simple if you just leave Trevor." Amanda stated coldly.
"Maybe, but that doesn't mean my problems go away. I have to still deal with the same problems that Michael does and then some. Those aren't practically Michael's fault and sure we can say that it was really all of Trevor's fault, but it's a little too late to be pointing fingers. We've already talked about this subject extensively with each other but there seems to be little that I can do. I'm damned if I stay with Trevor and I'm damned if I don't. I've tried to think of ways of how to end this peacefully or walk away from all of this in one piece but it's just problem after problem. If I am pregnant, then I gotta deal with that and Trevor. If I'm not and everything kind of just goes away either naturally or we have to solve it, then we have a slew of problems right there too. I've been thinking of ways of going home, but it almost seems futile. It seems like only my parents are thinking about me, and how can they not, am I right?"
"Excuse me? You're what?" Amanda and Tracey spoke in unison.
"I'm what, what?"
"If you're pregnant? What does that mean?" Tracey questioned. I stopped moving; it seems like I had been pacing in little circles the entire time. I moved to the futon and sat down carefully.
"Well we don't know, but it's clearly an acc-"
"You and Trevor can not have a child. Are you freaking insane?" Amanda harshly asked.
"Whoa, whoa. One, we don't even know yet and two, Trevor wouldn't even be in the picture then. I would leave and take care of this child by myself. I wouldn't want to deal with Trevor's behavior if there's a child involved. Then I'll have to deal with three children." I might have fucked up.
"Does he know?" Tracey asked cautiously.
"Well, that's the thing. We don't know, and it came as an after thought that we had been doing something stupid."
"You guys need to be more careful!" Amanda scolded. "You need to be thinking more of your choices here on out. You two aren't teenagers!"
"I'm fully aware of that."
"Yeah, but you certainly aren't acting like it." Tracey added. I sighed. Oh wow, it's like I'm talking to my mother.
"Sure mom. I'll get right on acting my age, when I get the two stresses in my dad's life on track too."
"Watch your mouth missy. He started it, and when he's ready to apologize, then we'll talk."
"I get that, but he's also trying to hardest to deal with problems that aren't his fault too. He's helping out a friend whose helping out another friend, he's ensuring your safety by cutting ties with terrible people and all sorts of things that are kind of a welcome home present for you guys."
"Wouldn't have happened if he had done them in the first place."
"You could say the same thing about anybody but you have to think of what type of corner that person felt like they were backed into with the people who were around them at the time. If he was being backed into a corner by the FIB and by Trevor, he might have felt like he needed an out as quickly as possible for himself and you guys. I made a decision based on the corner that I'm in that is because of two different powerful people in Los Santos. Sure it wouldn't have happened, if Michael didn't start robbing banks, but where would all of you guys be now? Would you two be together? Would you be living as comfortably as you do? If Trevor hadn't kidnapped me, I wouldn't be in such a strange and stressful position. At the same time, think of what made Trevor, Trevor. If Trevor's father hadn't left him in a mall when he was a kid, would he be different? What if his parents actually treated him right? What if he wasn't kicked out of the air force due to mental health issues that were from the actions his parents committed unto him? You'd have to go all the way back and blame the original person who started this entire mess and that wouldn't get you anywhere because who knows if they're dead or not, but also there's no point. It was so far into the past, that there's nothing that any of us can do except, accept for who they are now and allow them time to figure out how, when and if they want to change." Silence fell between the three of us as I heard a knock at the door.
"Hey, I gotta let you go, I've got someone at the door."
"Okay, be careful Lily. We'll talk about this later." Amanda had a solemn and sad tone.
"Sure, wouldn't mind that."
"Bye Lily!" Tracey and Amanda yelled harmoniously.
"Bye guys." I smiled as I hung up. Walking over to the door, I realized that I wasn't sure who actually was behind it.
"Who is it?" I called out.
"It's Ron." My heart dropped. Ah man, if he came here for Trevor, then that's awkward.
"Trevor's not here."
"I'm not here to talk to Trevor." I rubbed my temples. I quickly unlocked the door to see Ron, completely disheveled.
"I need to talk to you about something, without Trevor. I…I have something to tell you." I could feel my stomach turn into knots and anxiety begin to swarm.
Let's do this.
"I don't want you to say anything until I completely finish my train of thought because I'm not going to have the same amount of courage later as I do now."
"Are you drunk?"
"Maybe." I raised a brow as he began to pace back and forth.
"You…. You drive me crazy." Fucker, you do too. "And lately there's been something on my mind that I can't seem to get out. Everytime I go to sleep, I'm thinking about what the next argument is, what we're going to talk about next, what we're going to do the next day, if we'll get along or what type of food you'll make." Whoa, this dude needs to chill. "I think about how soft your hair looks, how beautiful you look when you smile, how smart and respectful you are to idiots like me, how quick you are to react in a bad situation, your patience, your confidence that always seems to come out of nowhere… all of those things, those thoughts made me realize how much of an amazing person you are. How much I admire you and-and-and respect you. I didn't realize how jealous of Trevor I was, until he came back. He's my best friend, and I know that you're with him, but I can't help feeling what I feel. It's probably pretty bad of me to say this." Yeah, probably. "But I-"
"I ask that you don't finish that sentence." A deep voice rang behind him. Looking past him, and Ron turning around; we both saw Trevor. He was leaning against the door frame, a lazy and tired expression on his face as he stared Ron down. Ron fell silent as if the courage he had once had, was now being completely drained by Trevor's presence alone.
"She's a taken woman, and you are fully aware of how I feel about her and the extent of those feelings."
"Can I not express my own feelings? I never get to express anything to you because you always seem to break down whatever I say. I know that you have good direction and know what you're doing, which is why I'm not scared to say yes to whatever you plan on doing. I have full trust and confidence in your leadership skills and your ideas, because I know that aspect of you. But I can't help it, if I'm in love with somebody, just like you can't help it. Why is it, only one of us can say what we want to say and the other has to hold all of their feelings up in a tight bottle? How does that make any sense? We're friends, aren't we? Best friends?" I felt a wave of nausea.
"Are we best friends? You're standing here, trying to confess your feelings for somebody who clearly has feelings for somebody else, and that somebody else is your 'best friend'." I pushed myself in between them. The nausea was growing.
"Ron, you've clearly been drinking, go home and sleep this off and think about the things you said and wanted to say. Trevor, this might not be the best time to pick this fight, so let's just let this go as he is clearly drunk and I don't want this to bite him in the ass just because he made a mistake. You make mistakes and I forgive you. So you need to do the same." I covered my mouth. I felt so sick.
"Hey, are you okay?" Trevor asked. I could feel his hand reach my shoulder as I said in a strained voice,
"Nope." I swiftly made my way to the restroom, emptying the contents of my stomach into the toilet. Trevor was immediately by my side, pulling my hair back as I hurled.
Ugh, all this stress.
"Well, it's from extreme stress. You have a number of ulcers lining your intestines. We'll get you on some medication, but you need to work on your stress levels." She turned and walked away swiftly as I turned my head to Trevor.
"Thank goodness it's not the other thing, but that still sucks." I laughed.
"You're right that it still sucks, but these stress levels… I guess that's my fault." Trevor looked like a puppy who had just been kicked.
"Yeah, and Ron. It's a mix of things that have been mounting up, but at least now, it's getting fixed. But, we need to have a group meeting. I think that'll help a lot." I held his hand tightly. He nodded as if he understood, but there seemed to be no confidence.
Upon getting back, Ron laid on the futon with a hangover. We had been in the ER for about 5 hours, finally having medication and some other supplies to stop me from upchucking.
"Ron, get up. Lily needs to lay down." Ron lazily looked in our direction, as he rolled off the futon and onto the floor.
"Okay." Trevor sighed and lead me to the couch.
"So what's going on?" Ron groaned.
"Stress. Stomach ulcers from the two of you." I stated plainly. Trevor sat down next to me, stepping on Ron and resting his feet on top of him. I opened the bag that sat on my lap and pulled out some crackers. I handed a package to Ron who took them, as I started to munch on my own. Trevor grabbed a few and started to shove them in his mouth. We sat in silence, only the crunching between us.
"We're gonna have a group meeting." I said with a mouthful. Ron looked up at me curiously.
"What do you mean?" He questioned.
"I think there are a couple problems between the three of us that we need to smooth out." I looked at Trevor, who turned away, pouting. I rolled my eyes.
"Let's start with the obvious."
"Ron is in love with my girlfriend." Trevor spat.
"Well, I guess it wasn't that obvious. The two of you are causing me a large amount of stress. Ron because he wanted to pick some fights and Trevor because he's continuously leaving and I have no idea what the fuck is going on. I'm tired of being in the dark, and just a lot of stuff." I turned my head towards Trevor. "I told you how I felt about everything, and you explicitly told me that you listened to me, but apparently not because you've just gone off and done your own thing. Last night, doesn't count because you were helping someone, but I feel like most of the time, you're not here and I feel like you're ghosting me." I put my hand up to stop interruptions. "Now, I know that you're doing things with your business, but that doesn't mean I don't get lonely either. You do kind of pay Ron, who in turn is forced to pay for groceries. But it honestly feels like you don't want to be with me because how long you are gone on your own free will. This guy made you angry, well see ya for two to three days. This woman made you angry, well can't see my boyfriend for a week because who knows what he's doing. I know you do things that technically would count as cheating in the relationship, which literally doesn't make sense to me because you're out and about doing whatever you want and I'm confined here. And yet you want me around, yet you don't want to do anything with me in terms of a relationship. How does that make any sense?" I turned my head to Ron, my hand still up. "I appreciate you being here because it does distract me from thinking of all the possibilities as to why Trevor could possibly not be here. There are times where you disappear too and that throws me into a loop because I sometimes forget that you work for him and aren't just someone I'm babysitting." I put a hand up towards him. "I'm kidding. But I don't have a vehicle and no form of communication and I'm fucking stranded here in the goddamn desert with nothing to do but wait for one of you two hombres to show up. Like, what the hell am I here for? Why was I dragged back only to get fuckin' ignored?" I looked to the both of them as Trevor spoke first,
"I am very busy with my business… but I didn't know you were that lonely. I do love you, and I am not cheating on you or going off with other women. I am simply making a statement and that doesn't include intercourse with any gender. I'm sorry that it's put some much stress on you, but it's like what you said before, I don't like to be tied down."
"Dating, or being boyfriend/girlfriend, doesn't mean you're tied down. Also, if you feel that way, just break up with me. Those types of statements make me think that these last couple days have been a joke; that you didn't mean anything that you said. And that really hurts. You're wasting both of our time. I have spent more time with Ron than I have with you, and I don't think it should be this hard to ask for you to make time for me."
Silence fell again, as Trevor turned away. I closed my eyes. Well that escalated quickly.
"We've been hanging out…" He murmured.
"You mean the last four days? They've been stress filled too. You came back after a week of silence because of something you did, and then most of it was spent with other people who were here. When I do get to actually spend time with you by ourselves without sex?" He fell quiet again as I raised a brow and then turned to Ron who was looking up at the ceiling.
"We… we could go on a date… I've… got plenty of time." Trevor nervously said.
"That sounds nice."
"And I have a question to ask you." Trevor snapped his head around. "What did you mean that I seemed normal when I was flying the copter?" I stopped. What was he- oh. Oh. OH FUCK. My face began to feel hot as it was my turn to turn away.
"Uhhhh…" I squeaked.
"I promised I wouldn't forget to ask." He smirked.
"Well…" I looked at Ron for help who only kept changing his focus from me to Trevor. "What I meant… was that when you were flying the copter, you seemed very relaxed, comfortable and uh… happy. You seemed at peace. And maybe… very handsome…" Trevor seemed to perk up and shift in his spot.
"Sorry, what was that last bit? I couldn't really hear." A grin came across his face as I began to pout. The grin faded as he spoke again.
"Let's move onto the next order of business." Turning to Ron, "say what you want to say. I know that you want to tell her, and she's right. I should be mad because technically she and I weren't together so I want to hear what you were going to tell her." Ron's face turned red in embarrassment, clearing his throat as he prepared to speak.
"What I was going to say was that…" He made eye contact with me. "I'm in love with you. I know that's terrible, but it's true. I kissed you and since then, I can't stop thinking about how right that was." Trevor's face contorted with dissatisfaction. "When that suit fucker threatened you and then assaulted you, I… I wished I was Trevor or at least like Trevor; which is why I went and burned his house down and planted all of that stuff. But I really do wish I was like him because at least then I could protect you. Trevor's really strong, confident and at the same time sensitive and troubled. He's somebody who also needs protecting, which is what I thought I was here for, but then I realized that, that's you. I mean we've had each other's backs in some bad times, but you and Trevor? Trevor comes home beat up, you wrap him up without question but not without scolding him. You both can protect yourselves and I'm just ashamed that I can't do that. I'm sure that if I could do that, then I'd probably more confident in my ability to protect you. I get too anxious and scared; my brain starts to race and I feel like I'll melt into the floor. I can't be like Trevor, but that doesn't mean that I don't feel the same things that he does." Ron turned to Trevor. "I know it's wrong with me to be in love with her, but I'd rather tell you know, get this off my chest rather than you find out later and think that I betrayed you because I have feelings for someone that you love." Ron went quiet, opting to stare at the ceiling and anticipate whatever the hell Trevor was going to say. The room fell silent again. Looking at Trevor's facial expression, it seemed as if Ron's words struck a chord with Trevor. His face resembled that of sympathy, something I didn't think he was capable of showing, and maybe a hint of guilt. Maybe this whole thing will help their relationship. Who knows how long Ron has felt like this.
Trevor stood up. I raced to grab his hand, only for the nausea to kick in again. He turned to me, as I tried to keep the crackers down.
"I'm not leaving, I just need time to think." His tone felt empty as he stepped over Ron and walked out the door. Ron and I shared a glance before looking towards the door. Does… doesn't that count as leaving? I mean, I understand, but I think that counts as leaving.
"I appreciate you expressing how you feel, and I'm sorry that I can't share those feelings. I'm also sorry that they've had to be expressed on someone else's terms rather than your own." I said it quietly. I really did appreciate Ron being honest with me and himself, but I also felt immensely bad for him because he's constantly being verbally and physically attacked by Trevor.
"Thank you for listening. I feel like I am betraying Trevor, I feel awful for feeling this way towards you. I wish it could be like before. I'd rather be jealous than in love." I could feel pain in my chest. Is this guilt or stress? I closed my eyes to redirect my focus from the pain. Could this have gone any other way? How can I fix this? Can I fix this? As those thoughts filled my mind, I could feel my consciousness slipping.
When I awoke, I was in Trevor's room. His arm was half-hazardly thrown across my back, while his head was turned away from me. I took a deep breath and wiggled my way to him. It was a bit awkward with his arm on me, but I was hoping the movement would wake him up but he just snored away. I sighed and moved his arm into a more natural position. Sitting up, I embarrassingly turned away from Trevor, now realizing that he only had his underwear on. I forgot he did that when he gets drunk. I gently covered him with the thin blanket. A thought popped in my head as I grabbed a pillow and gently placed it on his back. I started grabbing other things, pillows, clothes and blankets and stacking them on top of him. I had hoped he would wake up from the noise I was causing from moving around the room, but to no avail. At this point, only one arm and head remained uncovered. I changed before walking out of the room. The trailer was littered with beer bottles and as I started to clean up, I could hear a quiet knock on the front door. Upon opening it, I found Michael and Franklin.
"Hey guys, what's up? Trevor's still sleeping." Michael and I shared a hug while Franklin spoke.
"We know, he called us and we went out drinking although I should say, we watched him drink and talk about stuff. We came to check on you guys." As I let them, I hugged Franklin.
"I appreciate it. It was… pretty bumpy last night."
"Yeah, we heard you had to go to the hospital, you alright kid?" Michael asked.
"Yeah, just gotta chill. It's hard not to stress about stuff, I've got a lot on my mind." I crossed my arms across my chest as Michael nodded in understanding.
"The fuck is goin' on there?" Franklin asked while pointing towards the bedroom. I glanced in, the pile remained unmoved.
"Ah, he didn't wake up and I thought stacking things on him would. As you can see, it did nothing." I said nonchalantly.
"Yep, I see that." Michael stated as he strolled over. "Trevor!" No response. "T! Wake the fuck up!" Trevor continued to snore loudly. "Mother fucker. Trevor! Frank and I are heading out with Lily to help her relax!" More snoring. Michael moved to Trevor's side of the bed, while pulling out his phone and hitting the call button. Trevor's phone rang loudly, jutting Trevor awake, who in the scramble to find the phone, fell off the bed with the giant pile on him.
"What the- where the fuck did all of this shit come from?!" I laughed as I hopped onto the bed.
"You wouldn't wake up and I didn't know how to wake you up without you decking me. I thought you would wake up from the heat, but that didn't work either." I grinned as he was apparently stuck between the bed, end table and wall. He held an arm out that Michael grabbed and assisted in helping him up.
"We're taking Lily out to relax." Michael repeated.
"Did Lily call you?" Franklin taken aback stated,
"No dawg, you did. You called us, we went out drinking and you asked us to."
"Huh?" Trevor looked befuddled. Michael shook his head as I said,
"It sounds like fun. But what are you going to do Trev?" Trevor looked at me curiously before looking down to the floor.
"I'm going to hang out with Ron, see how he's doing."
"That sounds nice." I smiled. Hopefully that would go well.
"Well, kid. Let's go. We're just burning daylight at this point." I hopped off the bed, allowing Franklin and Michael to leave first before grabbing Trevor's hand.
"Hey, about last night… are you okay?" I questioned. Trevor kept his focus on the floor, and when he didn't answer, I asked,
"Listen, I need to know how you're at least feeling. It's okay not to be okay." After a short pause and no reply from him again, I asked,
"Do you want me to leave? It's okay to end this relationship, no matter how much you wanted it. It's okay to change your mind." It'll hurt like a bitch though, after all of the shit you've said. I know that I was taking all of his words with a grain of salt, but it still hurts to be told one day that someone loves you and the next he doesn't. My words seem to bring Trevor back,
"Wai-"
"Think about it and get back to me okay?" I patted his hand as I walked away, heading outside of the trailer. Maybe it was a bad idea to say something, but this needed to be said. I had a sneaking suspicion that he was somewhat talking out of his ass just because he doesn't want to be alone, but I also feel like he treasures Ron far more than he thought he would. Far more than anyone knows. It would honestly be a stress off my chest, for this relationship to end. Then I wouldn't have to care about what he was doing at night and I probably wouldn't have to worry about whether or not he came home alive. I also wouldn't be trapped in some trailer in the middle of nowhere with no communication. I felt more like a caged bird now than I did before. He fought so hard for this relationship, yet I feel like maybe it wasn't what he was expecting or what he wanted. But then again, he was completely unpredictable and I'll never know what the hell he is actually thinking. As I got settled in Michael's car, I looked outside towards Trevor.
I wonder if he's realized it too.
Michael, Franklin and I sat at a picnic table on the beach as Franklin and I went to town on some hotdogs and fries. Michael was continuously looking around him, until I finally spoke up,
"Man, are you okay? You seem a little paranoid. I know I'm supposed to be de-stressing, but you should be too."
"Yeah, yeah, I know but I have this sinking feeling about something." I nodded, no point in questioning someone's intuition.
"How's the fam? I talked to Tracey and Amanda on the phone the other day." I asked.
"Yeah, I heard. Don't know what you wanted to talk to them about, but they actually took the opportunity to listen to me. We also went to family counseling, which I guess went well. But man, did they rip me a new one when we got home. Hopefully things will only get better from here on out. Been working on a movie recently. We'll be going to the premiere soon. Which by the way, you should come with." I laughed.
"That's good that you're family is talking to you again, and I'd like to go. I just gotta know what Ron and Trevor will be doing. I feel like all of that is falling apart though. I almost feel like I'm the only one who cares, or who is left caring on this whole thing."
"Gurl, they both complicated people and I think the farther away you get from the better. They both fuckin' psychos." I nodded.
"That's tru-" Something clicked. My eyes widened as more and more dots started to connect. They had played me like a fiddle and I could feel my blood boil. Those motherfuckers.
"Let's not think about it too hard for right now, let's focus on not being stressed. Look." Michael pointed in a direction. "There's a ferris wheel. Let's go on that." I looked at the ferris wheel turning slowly.
"Sure, that sounds like fun."
How many people can fit in one of those things?
"Huh, it fits more than I thought it would." I stated bewildered.
"Same, I thought we were going to have to break off into pairs." Michael said.
"Ya'll say that, but it's not particularly comfortable." Franklin groaned.
"Don't know what you're talking about." The small cart or whatever was actually decently sized, if everyone was my size. I was sharing a seat with Michael, and we fit kind of nicely, but Franklin was kind of a tall guy. He also was very fit and had muscle so that also kind of made him a big guy. So out of the three of us, he didn't really fit too comfortably. He practically had to duck in order to get in and as he sat down so that he didn't bang his head on the top.
"Anyways, let's talk about you." I quipped, directly my full attention to Franklin. "How's everything with that friend?"
"He's good, still fuckin' stupid, but good."
"Oh?"
"Fuckin' moron put himself in that position and then practically yelled at me for getting him out like some asshole. Like bitch, I just saved yo ass why the hell you gettin' on my fuckin' case." I laughed, his friend and Ron kind of sounded the same; irrational.
"Yeah and when we met up with the guy, he did help but he was almost reluctant to." Michael spat. I raised a brow as Franklin continued,
"Yeah, and it was my ex-girlfriend who also dissed me hard and made me go help. Like she knows the fuckin' guy AND for some reason I have to help him even though he's burned me so many times. She don't fuckin' understand anything." I nodded sadly.
"That's rough my dude. Has she always been like that?" I tried to sympathize.
"Yeah, we dated, for like, a short while and I was really into her. But after that, man I don't know either of them. I'm always being told to do shit and never get the chance to actually be my own person. I'm either dragged or forced into someone else's bullshit. No one backs me the fuck up." Hearing him out, I realized that while Franklin is the most normal, he also struggles with just trying to be normal by trying to get away from all of the crazy. We had a lot more in common than I thought.
"Maybe it goes without saying, but maybe the best word to learn is 'no.'" I put my hand up quickly to both Michael and Franklin. "I know it doesn't seem like I say no to Trevor and Ron, but I do. A fuck ton. And it's easy." I shifted in my seat.
"The first thing you gotta think about is, is putting yourself in danger really worth it? How much would it weigh on your conscious if you don't do it? Is this person worth helping? How much has this person helped you? Does this person have your back? Do you have that person's back? If you said no to a lot of those questions, then you probably can say no, pretty confidently to the person. Let's do an example. Name someone you hate." Franklin nodded and then answered,
"This fucker named Stretch, he's bad news."
"Okay, that name sounds like a bad name to call yourself. Let's say Stretch, asks you to spot him 50 bucks."
"I guess that's okay."
"You guess or do you know? Will this person pay you back? Are you stable with money right now? Would you really spot somebody you hate?" Franklin was quiet as he sat in thought.
"I… I wouldn't spot him."
"Okay, so then that's a no. Name someone you like."
"Michael and I are cool."
"Alright, now let's say Michael tells you that he crashed his vehicle and has to go to work so he asks to borrow yours, but you also need to work. What do you do?"
"I… I don't fuckin' know. That shits complicated."
"It's not. You can carpool, you can help him in other ways that doesn't cripple you. I know for some people would be an automatic yes, others you come up with a mutual agreement and for some you say no. It's not as complicated if you're absolutely sure you know how you feel about each person."
"Well, what about you?" Michael chimed in.
"What about me?" I curled a brow.
"Trevor comes up to you and asks you to spot him $100, you know is going to go to drugs, what do you say?"
"I say fuck no. He's got his business and shit for that. Go bother Ron."
"Okay, what about Ron? Ron comes up to you and asks you for… let's say $200."
"Also fuck no, he can ask his employer for money. I don't give any fucker money, I never get paid back. That's just a rule."
"What if I ask?"
"Ask what?"
"Ask for money."
"How much?"
"Didn't you say that it was a rule?"
"Answer the question."
"Let's say $20."
"That's alright."
"But you said it was a rule!"
"It's $20, I'm not that stingy." Franklin started to laugh as Michael asked,
"What about… Franklin?"
"I trust Franklin. But I gotta know where it's goin'."
"So you trust us, but not your boyfriend?"
"I know my boyfriend is a drug addict, alcoholic and has a need for speed, fucker can bail himself out." Seriousness in my tone. Michael laughed,
"If only he was here to hear that. I'm sure he'd argue with you about some type of stupid shit about how he's 'real people.'" I laughed as the doors to the cabin doors opened. We stepped out and walked towards the end of the harbor.
"You guys have known each other for a long time, do you have any idea what he's thinking?" I asked Michael.
"Hell no, you think he's that predictable? I've never known and I'll never know." Sarcasm in his tone. We stopped at the railing, the waves crashing into the pier's posts.
"What do you think is gonna happen between you and Trevor?" Franklin asked, Michael looking at me with some degree of interest. I shrugged.
"Who knows… I will be sad if the relationship ends this way, although it wouldn't be the worst thing." Michael placed a hand on my shoulder,
"Well, whatever happens, happens. But we'll still be here kid to support you in any way. Just because you two aren't together anymore, doesn't mean any of us don't actually care about you. I think it helps to think of the relationship naturally meeting the end. It's not like you guys are at each other's throats and I don't think he's going to kill you." I nodded sadly. Even if the relationship was at the end of its natural life-cycle, as well as everyone pretty much foreseeing it, it still hurt, and I think in the end; I would probably be sad to say good-bye to Trevor. I mean, I would probably be able to go home, because the FIB wouldn't be able to use me and Devin will want nothing to do with me. But, what would happen with everyone else? They've been my support system this entire time; would they be okay with everything going on? I sighed, laying my head on top of my hands. I closed my eyes, just focusing on the wind cooling me down.
"Is it possible to get another chance to just start over?" A voice behind me made me immediately stand up as I turned around to see a well-dressed and somewhat embarrassed Trevor. In one of his hands was a small bouquet.
"I know that it doesn't solve anything, but there's a huge part of me that knows that it'll help." He held out the bouquet.
"Please give me another chance so that I can get to know you better and fall in love with you harder." I looked to both Franklin and Michael who both had smirks on their faces. Michael placed a hand on my shoulder.
"Had to distract you kid. You catch on way too quick to shit." Blood rushed to my face as Franklin gently pushed me closer to Trevor.
"We'll see you later kid. Have fun on your date!" Michael waved at us as Franklin followed behind. I turned back to Trevor, gently taking the flowers out of his hand.
"I feel severely underdressed now." The black suit he was wearing was clearly over shadowing my draping tank-top, jean-shorts and knee-high cat socks.
"That's okay, I wore this, because I know you like me in this suit." I felt as if I was turning a deeper shade of red if not several at this point. Trying to hide my face in the flowers, he continued,
"I actually have a surprise for you, so if you will follow me." He gently took my hand, leading me away from the pier. I tightly squeezed his hand.
I wonder where we're going.
"Whoa, everybody looks like ants. Like I can squish them with my finger. *squish*." Trevor chuckled as I ecstatically looked out the coptor's windows. He had obtained special permission to actually fly over the city and as evening set, the entire city seemed to light up into a thousand little lights. Tiny cars seemed to race around and people seemed to almost disappear from view. Trevor in particular had had a large grin on his face as he was finally going to give me the Los Santos tour I deserved.
"Ah, the FIB building is huge! Hey where's Michael's house?"
"Over here." Trevor stated slowly moving the copter. We hovered over a small neighborhood, until Michael's house came into view.
"Hello Michael's house." I gently waved as we began to gain some distance.
"This is so cool Trevor!" I turned to him, grin on my face; he grinned back. As he turned his attention forward, his facial expression cooled into something more relaxed. I guess to him it was natural, and just right for him to be up here. I don't know how he was before, maybe he was just as bad as he was now. I'll never know any of that; but I will know that if he had been allowed to, maybe he'd feel a bit more normal than he does now. As we continued flying, I fell back into the seat, flowers laying in my lap and everything else seemed to be gone. It was kind of cute how hard he was trying but overall incredibly romantic. My heart began to thump loudly in my chest as we flew over more buildings, finally landing back at the helipad. It began to thump louder and louder in my chest as he grabbed my hand, leading me back to the bodhi. He gripped it tightly as we drove through Los Santos, stopping at the coast. The ferris wheel was lit up brightly in the distance, voices could be heard all around from parties and small friendly gatherings and then there was us. We walked hand in hand on the beach as the tide was inching its way closer and closer. Everything was so calming.
One moment, I closed my eyes to enjoy the breeze and the next I was waking up in Trevor's trailer in his arms. I almost forgot; that we shared a kiss on the beach as the waves decided to threaten my shoe; how we told each other things we loved and liked about each other at a wooden picnic table until some guy came over and asked to borrow it; laughing at each other's dumb jokes as we walked back to the vehicle; how tightly he held my hand after I told him I still loved him while we drove back home, and how we simply fell asleep in each other's arms while talking about what we wanted to do the next day. It felt like it was a dream, and upon waking up, I was so happy that it wasn't. I took a deep breath before relaxing back on his arm. As his eyes fluttered open, I smiled and said,
"Good morning."
"Morning." He yawned. "What time is it?"
"No idea." I grinned shyly. He groaned as his phone began to ring.
"Hello? Huh? Whatever." He held the phone out. "It's Michael." I took it curiously.
"Hello?"
"Hey kid, got big news." Michael had excitement in his voice.
"Oh?" I began to sit up as Trevor rolled himself out of bed.
"Yep, that movie I've been working on? Premieres tonight."
"Whoa! That's cool! Are you and the fam' goin'?"
"Yeah, wanted to see if you wanted to come too."
"Hold on real quick." I covered the bottom of the phone and turned to Trevor who was trying to get a change of clothes. "Hey, we doing anything tonight?"
"Yeah." Trevor said turning to me with a brow raised.
"Really?"
"Yeah, but it's a secret." I nodded and removed my hand from the bottom of the phone.
"Sorry Michael, Trevor apparently already has plans."
"Oh? Oh! Shit, yeah sorry I forgot. Got a little over excited. That's cool, you have fun kid."
"I will and congrats on your movie!"
"Thanks." With that, we both hung up. I crawled out of bed, looking at the phone for the time. 10:45.
"It's 10:45. That's a relief. I thought we slept until the afternoon again."
"Nothing wrong with that." Trevor muttered turning towards me. I walked over, and forced him to turn around.
"If we have plans today, wouldn't we miss them then if we were to sleep any longer?" I started to change my clothes.
"Well, maybe, maybe not. Which is why I have a special alarm clock."
"Oh?" As I finished changing, I felt arms around my waist.
"Yeah, Ron was supposed to wake us up by 11." I laughed, turning around and placing my hands on his shoulders,
"See that's the problem. You set an alarm and then you always wake up before that alarm even goes off." He placed a gentle kiss on my forehead.
"That seems decently accurate, although I think it's because you were next to me."
"Ah, so I'm the alarm clock." I patted his shoulders, pulling away and walking into the other room.
"What did you want for… I guess brunch?" He followed me.
"There's no need for that, since we'll be heading out soon anyways." I turned around to look at him as a gentle knock came from the front door.
"It's Ron!" Trevor opened the door, Ron standing on the other side, nervously waiting.
"You wanna come in?" I laughed. Ron looked away. Trevor gently shut the door on Ron, both remaining silent. I curled a brow,
"Excuse me? What the hell was that about?" I walked over to the door, moving Trevor to the side, but upon opening it, there was no Ron in sight.
"What the fuck?" I shut the door. "Soooo, you gonna tell me what's up with you and Ron? Why even open the door if you weren't even going to invite him in?" I crossed my arms. Trevor looked nervous away, replying,
"Well, the day I went to hang out, let's say we had a nice little chat. He now knows his boundaries."
"So you guys still work together?"
"Well he was fired for a short while, and then I realized then I'd have to do all the work and find the resources and Ron's good at that. So I went back to talk to him, we had a business talk and we haven't gotten around to figuring out the rest of it."
"So you're on a professional basis?"
"Yes." Trevor crossed his arms, stood up straight, almost taking a defiance stand against me.
"Well… what if I want to still be friends with him? I don't think he's the bad of a guy. Confused, and clingy but you're like his best friend or at this point 'was.'" Trevor looked down at me.
"Well… I guess, but I don't think it'll work out so maybe not talk to him for a while. He's in love with you remember. You can't just be friends with him because his feelings will get in the way." Wow, what an actual solid point.
"You don't look comfortable with it, I guess I'll just leave him alone for now." I walked away, making myself comfortable on a counter. Trevor came, entrapping me between his arms on the counter. He placed his head softly on one of my shoulders, sighing deeply in relief. I hugged him in response as his phone went off. He groaned, pulling away and answering,
"What?" He stopped in place.
"What do you- fuck. Fine." He hung up, heading to the door without looking at me and stating,
"I have to leave for a business thing. I'll be right back. Hopefully this won't take me hours to complete as we have shit to do. I'll call you."
"Be safe!" I called out immediately. Being left on the counter, the trailer suddenly felt vastly empty. It reminded me of when Ron would have to watch me, I couldn't even get peace if I wanted it and now I suddenly feel like there's too much silence after Trevor and Ron have wormed their way into my life. It almost seemed like everyone was exiting stage right in my life suddenly; Trevor was back now, but Ron was being held out at an arm's length. I hopped off, rummaging through cupboards to look for food.
Wonder what I'll do now.
At this point, I was now laying on the futon wondering what the hell was taking Trevor so long. Since Ron confessed his feelings, everything has been weird. Trevor's been weird and I've been trying to ask how Trevor feels about it, but there seems to be no time for questions. Our last conversation and some following up to it, seemed to be almost robotic. It was only a matter of time before one of us broke, and the robotic and fake conversations would just fall with it. What was really getting me, was what the hell did he have freaking planned? If this was his way of not following through with something he planned, that's pretty douchey. Imma judge him hella hard if he doesn't come home until tomorrow.
A heavy knock came at the door. I sat up slowly and looked towards it. A wave of anxiety pushed through as I carefully made my way to the front door blinds. Trevor? No. I opened the door to Devin Weston, who wore a black suit and tie. He sauntered in, pushing past me into the middle of the room.
"Hey gorgeous, where's Philips? He around?"
"Kind of, where's Molly?" The woman didn't seem to make any appearance. I was expecting to hear her shrill voice behind me but rather Devin answered me.
"Oh, Michael didn't tell you?" I curled a brow. "He got my assistant killed so now I'm stranded. So I'm here to collect."
"Collect what? Trevor's got jack shit here and if your beef is with Michael, this is the farthest place from anything he cares about."
"That's where you're wrong beautiful, you matter to him immensely. So much so that I know he called you to come to his premiere. So, with that being said, I'm here to collect you. You either come with me willingly or we'll do this the hard way." I glared at him, asking,
"Where the fuck is the logic in that? How does that make any fucking sense and what do you want with me? You're going to use me as a bargaining chip against Michael?"
"There's plenty of logic in it. You're smart and far more beautiful, just less thirsty, than Molly. You have the skills I need to counter these three idiots and Imma make you help me. I won't have to use you as a bargaining chip when I'm going to keep you permanently. You stick with me and you can get anything that you want. Cars, boats, houses, new clothes, anything you dream of, if you stick with me."
"Wow, you sound like that one guy, what was his name? Oh yeah, Lazlow, except you seem more competent."
"Hey, don't compare me to that ugly fuck. He's nowhere near my level."
"Don't compare me to Molly." I took a stand against him. "I'm going to ask you to leave once, that's it, and you're going to." Devin laughed.
"Yeah, I don't think so." He smoothly pulled out a gun. "I don't think you're in a position to make demands." He took a step back, almost anticipating my movements as I had taken a step further.
"I'd be very careful if I were you; I know what happens. Now you're going to leave out the door." I slowly moved to the door and opened it, before immediately slamming it shut and ducking. A shot was fired, light creeping out of the hole as I turned to my left and jumped over the porch. I found myself on the side of the trailer, out of sight from Devin.
"Where the fuck-?! You're making it harder for yourself when you do shit like this!" He screamed. The front door sounded like it had been kicked open. I could feel the still hot rocks under my feet in the dark. I had accidentally ran into a cactus and could feel in the pines in my leg. I carefully grabbed a rock, and chucked it at a vehicle that was parked at the fence. It clinked against it, and as I watched, a small red dot seemed to make its way to me. Moving silently to the other side, it stopped where I had once stood. It started to flash before another gun went off, blowing dust and dirt into the air. I'm being watched. I was standing too close to another cactus when I decided to jump the next fence. If I was quiet enough, I might make it, but the problem here would be the clinking of the fence. The entire place was dead silent and there was no room for random noises in the vicinity. Grabbing another rock, I threw it at Ron's trailer, before glancing around and running to the opposite side. I stopped at the garage as I heard another gun-shot.
"Ms. Phillips, I don't want you to get hurt; so I'm going to need you to comply." Devin's voice rang out as I carefully opened the garage door, sliding under the bottom and closing it again. It was dark as hell inside and feeling around led to me stubbing my toe several times. I had rocks clinging to my socks as I found a gross piece of furniture. I shoved myself behind it and what seemed to be boxes, waiting for something to happen.
"I know you're in the garage. I don't even want to think of what Philips keeps here." I could hear him painfully gasp as the garage door scraped open. Flashlight beams peppered the wall as several footsteps grew closer.
"Grenade!" An unfamiliar voice yelled, I shoved my fingers in my ears in response. The vibrations and sound from the explosion were somewhat dulled out, but I could feel my heart thumping at a different rate than what it was originally. I warily peeked out. Devin was now on the ground, seemingly and strangely uninjured but he was covered in a whole lot of blood. It seemed to decorate the entire area. Glancing around once more for anyone else, I hopped out of my spot, stopping by Devin to grab his gun and head out. I stopped on the side, looking out again before running out.
"Lily!" A loud whisper came from my right. Ron stood on the other side of the porch, waving at me. I sprinted to his side.
"We have to get you out of here." I nodded as we raced towards the fence. I heard a click to my right. My arms, moving on their own, grabbed Ron and pulled him back, propelling myself forward as a gun fired. I wasn't sure at first whether or not it had hit at first. The first wave of pain, I had assumed from my fucked up leg. The pines were decently long, so the amount of pain wouldn't be too bad, but this was immense; too much for me to keep moving. I dropped to the dirt as another shot went off. I heard my name and another wave of stabbing pain ran through me as I attempted to find it.
And after a while, my vision and hearing went out too. Darkness overwhelmed me, and the only thought on my mind was:
Was Ron okay?