This chapter was meant to celebrate 1K followers…you tripled that in the time it took me to write the damn thing…well done.

And I'm just going to get this out of the way: I don't know if I like this chapter (the title should give it away). It doesn't flow well with the story, it's my type of humor (which I don't think is very popular), and it's not even fluffy enough to be proper fluff IMO. But I promised that I would write a chapter high (nearly a year and a half ago fuck) and by golly, I'll deliver on that. If you aren't sure if you want to read this, I'll have a 'Last Time on Dragon Ball' style recap next chapter, I swar.

But y'all waited enough so please enjoy my extended crackfic.

Chapter 18: Deku Fucking Dies

Izuku smoothed out his shirt in the mirror, his hands shaking with a nervous anticipation. Okay, shirt's clean. Pants are nice and ironed. Hair's…an absolute mess but that's fine.

He chuckled at the sheen from the hair product he and Eri used to tame – or attempt to – his hair before it eventually returned and locked into its original mane-like shape.

"Izuku, your phone's buzzing!" Inko called from the living room.

"Thank you." Izuku replied as he finished adjusting his outfit and left the bathroom. Grabbing his phone from the coffee table – and greeting his mother with a smile – he opened his messaging app and whistled at the large number of unread notifications. I don't think I've ever had more than four unopened texts before and that might've just been Iida struggling with autocorrect. Speaking of which…

He clicked on the speedster's contact to double-check for any response. The prior night and that morning, Izuku had sent several messages asking how his friend was doing in the wake of the news of Ingenium's injury breaking to the public. Nothing yet…he also hasn't said anything in the class group chat.

And speaking of said group chat, it was currently flooded with lengthy and artfully emoted messages from Hagakure, Ashido, and Kaminari with the occasional reprimanding from Yaoyorozu or reaction from the others.

The reason for such activity: "You ready for the party? Need a ride or anything?" Inko asked with a warm smile.

Izuku shook his head softly, "No, the train should be fine."

"Okay, well if you miss the last train on the way back, you can call me to come get you or you can sleep at Katsuki's house."

Izuku shuddered at the thought of sleeping in the same room as Bakugou considering they were dead-set on breaking each other's ribs about 24 hours prior. And speaking of that, "Oh, don't forget your medication."

"Right. Thanks." Izuku slipped over to the kitchen where he removed two small tablets from an orange pill container he had picked up that morning. Swallowing with a quick glug of water, he shivered at the bitter taste and the memory of getting swarmed by people once the pharmacist recognized him as the Sports Festival runner-up and decided to loudly announce it to the whole world, or at least that store.

His mother chuckled at the sour face he made, "At the very least, I'm glad you're not enjoying the recovery process. Hopefully you'll remember this the next time you decide to do something like yesterday."

"I don't know how many more times I can apologize, Mom." Izuku groaned, somewhere between ticked at her nagging but also touched by her well-meaning. "You and Eri doing anything while I'm gone?"

The matriarch's eyes lit up, "We're gonna have a ladies' night, isn't that right? I'm gonna braid her hair, and do her nails, and have her try on these cute outfits I found for…her…" She sweatdropped at the bored expression on both of her children's faces, "…umm…and we'll make candy apples!"

Eri threw her arms up, "Woo!"

Inko bemoaned her situation. I know I always wanted a daughter, but this is definitely not what I expected it to be like. "Oh that reminds me; don't come home too late. You and I need to go grocery shopping tomorrow morning."

"It has to be in the morning?"

"Someone won't eat anything without apples so…"

Nodding with an affectionate smile, Izuku hugged them both before putting his shoes on and walking out, shooting the class chat a quick text to let them know he was leaving his apartment.

He wouldn't return the same.

Three Hours Later

"FUCKING DEKU! CHUG LIKE YOU MEAN IT!" Bakugou roared, pounding his fists on the table so hard the other cups shook, their clear contents sloshing violently, threatening to spill their astringent scent on the fine mahogany of the Yaoyorozu manor.

The aforementioned Midoriya obliged, tilting his head back a full 180 degrees and allowing the liquid in his cup to flow freely down his throat…and the rest of him. Pulling the empty cup away, he slurred, "I-I didid it," before high-fiving nobody and falling down onto the marble.

"KIRISHIMA, YOUR TURN!" The redhead turned away from the unconscious Midoriya and thumbs-upped as he began frantically gulping his own drink while Kaminari drunkenly protested to the resident judge, Jiro.

"C-come on! He didn't even drink like…a lot of it! And he forgot to do the like…flippy thingy." The blonde swayed back and forth, his arms flailing loosely, contrary to the sternness of his words.

Jiro wagged her finger and blew into her earphone jack like a whistle, which would've made her head ring if not for her copious drinking – how her head would feel in a few hours was anyone's guess – and retorted, "Pichu's disqua- *burp* disqualified for…" She narrowed her eyes in deep thought – or as deep as possible given the circumstances – before bursting into hearty laughter and falling down while Sero spat out his drink to chastise his Flip Cup partner while Kirishima finished his and promptly began trying to turn the cup over.

One hour earlier

Mina chuckled maliciously as she held up a white and blue box, her pink cheeks dusted a vivid lilac, "Hey guyssss! We should play the Pocky game!"

Bakugou instantly stood up and threw his cup to the ground, "I GOT THIS!" Without missing a beat, he walked over to Kirishima, grabbed both sides of his face, and smashed their lips together. As quickly as it began, even quicker than Mina's squeals, Bakugou pulled away and roared, "MERRY CHRISTMAS FUCKERS! VICTORY FOR KATSUKI!" He then walked off without missing a beat.

"…huh." Kirishima muttered, his face redder than his hair. He then touched his lips and pulled his fingers back, eyes widening at the crimson liquid dotting them, "…I honestly can't say whose blood this is."

Mina made a mental note to remember that for the rest of her life before dashing around the party floor Yaoyorozu had set up, pulling random classmates into a circle and laying down an empty bottle in the middle, "I'm first!" She spun the bottle forcefully and watched with bated breath and as it slowly came to a stop on none other than Midoriya. Amidst the howls and cheers of ten mildly tipsy teens – and Bakugou – she hollered, "Ha! Yes, this is perfect!"

"W-wait no. What is this game?" Midoriya stuttered, his face redder than his shoes.

Shoji held up a tentacle and explained, "You spin the bottle to pick a partner then you both take either end of a Pocky stick in your mouth and alternate taking bites. First one to break away has to drink."

Realization dawned on the greenette's face, "So we could…k-k-kiss? Like with a real girl?!"

"Or guy and only if you don't back out."

Izuku gulped nervously but the peering eyes of his peers and their peerservering peer pressure refused to enable his awkwardness, "S-sure." I've never drank before, though.

Mina lined up a Pocky stick and wiggled her eyebrows teasingly as she clamped down on one end, waiting patiently for her partner to oblige, which he did, albeit nervously and slowly. She giggled to herself. All according to plan!

Ten minutes earlier

The pinkette approached some lounging classmates, "Hey, do you guys wanna help me get Midori wasted?"

Twenty minutes later

Midoriya pulled away, his blush quickly receding, but not by much after the several drinks he chugged from chickening out. D-dammit! How do I keep getting picked? It's totally like…not fair!

After Mina demonstrated how easily he would crack, it became almost a minigame to see who could successfully spin him as their partner. So far Hagakure, Shoji, Kaminari, Tokoyami, and the aforementioned Ashido had victimized him.

Hagakure laughed and probably grinned cheekily as she finished the Pocky and patted Jiro's shoulder, "Kyoka, you're up!"

The punk rocker suddenly blushed with realization, "Oh, uh…pass."

"A pass?" Sensing more opportunity for teasing, Mina cackled and forced Jiro's hand onto the bottle and spun, "Not scientifically possible!"

The students watched with bated breath as the bottle slowly came to a stop on none other than Kaminari. They erupted into "Ooo" and "Aaa" to tease the duo, which had the opposite effect on the blonde who was violently fist-bumping to himself.

I did it! I got a girl! Years of manga and internet porn have prepared me for this day!

"I-I'll just drink." Jiro blushed terribly and chugged her drink without a second thought, tucking her jack behind her ear.

Something in Kaminari shattered that moment if the waterfall he subsequently ingested was any indication.

Soon enough, and two drinks later, it was Midoriya's turn to spin. "O-okay I… hic… got this. Imma gonna…hehe." His face ablaze with Asian Glow, Izuku spun the bottle so vigorously and sloppily, it danced across the floor before cracking against Yaoyorozu's heels.

A slight dusting of crimson dotted the lady of the house's cheeks, "Oh my." From behind her, Mineta seethed with violent rage while Kaminari just kept drowning his sorrows.

Midoriya hiccupped again before holding up the Pocky stick with a narrowed, unfocused look, "Let's do this Yaomomama." This'll end now. I'm gonna be the symbol of peace tomorrow! He bit down without missing a beat.

Tucking her hair behind her ear, she bit down as well while averting his intense gaze. Oh, I just had to be nonspecific with the staff! How could I be so careless as to forget to request non-alcoholic beverages? Especially after yesterday…

Character development aside, Midoriya's eyes lit up with uncharacteristic mischief as he took a particularly big bite, reaching the middle of the stick, much to his friends' amusement and hollering.

"Yaomomo, you have to match that!" Mina cried, her eyes bulging with anticipation.

"Is that even allowed?" Jiro whispered to Hagakure, growing more uncomfortable with the game every round.

"Hic," was the only response from the invisible girl.

Yaoyorozu gulped and slowly began moving forward. I should go for it! I want to win. I deserve to win! She locked eyes with her partner. …do I?

She backed away and drank from her cup. Midoriya watched in stunned silence before jumping up and roaring at the top of his lungs. From the next room, Bakugou roared, "GET THAT SHIT DEKU! AUNTIE INKO DIDN'T RAISE NO BITCH!"

Well that was disappointing. "Ochako, your turn!" Mina smiled at the round-faced brunette, whose perma-blush was enhanced to even greater heights.

Nodding with a sleepy grin, she grabbed the bottle and gave it a rough spin. Unfortunately, Midoriya chose that moment to sit back down, causing him to bump into the bottle right as it pointed towards him. Ma ol' nemesissy. You wanna revenge? That it?! "Huh?!" he screeched at the bottle while Uraraka's relaxed expression was replaced with one of pure panic.

Mina held up a Pocky stick and wiggled her eyebrows again, "Come on. You're telling me you haven't at least thought about your precious De-ku-kun in this way before?"

"Wait n-no…I don't think of…I'm not s-sure…I'll j-just pas-"

Before she could pull a Jiro, however, Midoriya gave another roar and headbutted the bottle, breaking both the glass and his consciousness.

"…I'll be honest, I saw that ending differently." Shoji deadpanned.

"Nothing ever ends." Tokoyami mused, his stern gaze fooling nobody who saw those rosy cheeks…if birds even had cheeks.

"Hey guys," Sato said, peering from around the corner, "First, I made cookies in the kitchen." Everyone cheered, save Midoriya. "Second, Bakugou set up Flip Cup if anybody wants to-oof!"

Bakugou shoved Sato's head down and peered past him, "OI, KIRISHIMA, ICY HOT! POUR A DRINK DOWN DEKU'S THROAT AND LET'S GET A MOVE ON!"

Todoroki moved from the corner he was hidden in and emptied his cup onto Midoriya's face, despite Kirishima's efforts to coax into his mouth via a waving hand, which actually made things much worse.

Three hours later

Midoriya was little more than a stuttering, swaying mess at this point, perhaps in large part to the King's Game they played where every command seemed to be some variant of "-and then take a drink." But he had entered a state of pure drunken lucidity and Flower Cup was his game.

My turn and only two cups left. Hehe, if only they knew! Sharingan! His eyes sparked to life as he scanned the two upturned sake bowls for the ball underneath. But with his Quirk, it was no trouble finding it and he instantly upturned the correct cup and laughed, "I…victor!"

The room fell silent before most everyone burst into a fit of full-bodied laughter. The greenette waved around in confusion until Todoroki, who strangely refused to show his right side to him, explained, "If you find the ball, you need to drink all the cups that got upturned before. And since everyone was playing…"

"…eh?"

An unknown amount of time later

Midoriya shot up with a start, his breath ragged and his head pounding. Clutching his throbbing skull, he groaned and tried to collect his bearings, which wasn't made any easier by the painfully bright lights around him.

"Ugh, what happened? Where is everyone?" His eyes shot open and he took in his surroundings with a gasp, "…Oh. Oh no. Where am I?"

While the Yaoyorozu manor was certainly opulent beyond belief, he was fairly certain there was no television studio on the property, at least that he could get to, drunk or not. He was on the floor next to a desk and a couch in front of a set of darkened bleachers and an array of cameras and bright stage lights. A talk show? For what?

He turned to the desk and squinted, his eyesight still foggy from inebriation, "The Author-kun Show? Hosted by…Author-kun?" Izuku scratched his head, trying to pick at his aching brain, "Does that name ring a bell? Who…what is Author-kun?"

"That would be me!" A booming voice sounded as a darkened figure appeared from behind the adjacent set of curtains and quickly sat down behind the desk, managing to avoid the spotlight entirely despite it being trained on him by…huh, there's nobody here either. No staff or…audience…

"What is this?" Izuku asked cautiously, slowly standing up.

The darkened figure held out his hands, "Well this is my talk show! And you're the guest of honor!"

"…but who are you? And where is this?"

"Hmm," he stroked his imperceivable chin, "I suppose this would be confusing for you. Well, first thing's first; I'm the author of your story. Call me Author-kun! Though I think I'm older than you so maybe -san is in order…or maybe 'senpai.' Eh, it doesn't matter. I hate when people use honorifics in English stories anyways."

"…the author of my what?"

Author-kun snapped his fingers, "Right you don't know this, but you're actually in a fanfiction. And I'm the writer. And this whole set," he gestured to the set, "is the world between yours – the fanfiction – and mine – the real world."

"…wait, are you saying we're-"

"Inside the Fourth Wall? Yes!"

Izuku stood very still before collapsing onto the couch, "Ugh, how much did I drink last night?"

"More than you know, but also less than you think. Depends on your definition of 'drink'."

"Wait, what does that mean? And what do you mean 'fanfiction'? Like those stories written about…well I guess anything really."

Author-kun nodded, "Yup! Here, I'll show you." He pulled out a clicker remote and pressed a button. In front of them, a projector screen came down, strangely blocking the nonexistent audience's view. He pressed another button and a picture of Izuku appeared, wearing a green jumpsuit similar to the redesign he received in the mail a bit ago, "This is you from the canon story of 'My Hero Academia.'"

"It says 'Boku no Hero Academia' on the bottom."

"I don't care, it's easier to say 'My Hero' and I don't like weaboo culture."

"Wait, you're not a weaboo?"

"Well I'm not white and I'm half Japanese so I think I'm in the clear."

"I think weaboo is a personality more than a characteristic."

"Fuck off."

Izuku rubbed his chin, "Also, if he's supposed to be from canon, why do we look so similar?"

"…you're not that similar."

"Actually, I think we seem totally identical."

"…I made some changes."

"We're the same exact character!"

"I'm working on it okay!" Author-kun screeched, clicking away from canon-Izuku to a buffer image.

Literally.

It was just a buffer Izuku. Or at it was supposed to be Izuku; the face was strangely dimly lit, much like Author-kun. The buff Izuku was also tall and even though he didn't have much of a face, Izuku could tell his counterpart was thought to be very handsome.

"This is what happens when you change too much! You get this guy! I hate this guy!"

"What's wrong with him?"

"This is Izuku Hyoudou. He's nothing like you or canon. He's overpowered, solves every problem nearly effortlessly, and is drowning in pussy."

"Why is his fa- he's drowning in what?!"

"Do you know what 'fridging' is?"

Izuku shook his head.

Sighing, Author-kun clicked the remote again, revealing a side-by-side image of, "Kendo? What's that for?"

"Just to illustrate a point. Now, imagine this strong female character."

"…okay?"

"Now imagine this strong female character is about to be sexually assaulted and/or murdered."

"Wait, what?! No! That's awful!"

Author-kun jumped out of his chair, "Right?! That's terrible and totally unnecessary! But thankfully, Izuku Hyoudou saves her from that terrible and totally unnecessary fate by – drumroll please – solving the problem effortlessly, emphasizing both how strong he is and how helpless these damsels are."

"That doesn't sound right."

"It's not. But imagine all this happens to Kendo. What do you think her response is?" A list of multiple-choice options appeared on the screen, "Is it:

A) Kendo calls the police

B) Kendo calls a therapist

C) Kendo runs away screaming at the trauma she's suffered

D) All of the above

E) Kendo wants to get Detroit Smashed"

"…by your tone, I'm guessing it's-"

"It's E! IT'S ALWAYS E! EVERY TIME THEY'RE RESCUED, EVERY GIRL JUST FALLS IN LOVE WITH HIM! THAT ISN'T HOW RELATIONSHIPS WORK!" Author-kun suddenly stopped his rage, "That reminds me of Codependent-Izuku, but we'll get there."

Suddenly, there was a rumbling from beyond the studio doors. "What's that?" Izuku tensed.

"Shit." Author-kun sighed and pulled out a megaphone, "Izuku Hyoudou's super popular and tends to attract a very…let's say toxic group of fans. Just talking about it can excite them. Luckily, I have a deterrent."

Author-kun cleared his throat and right as the doors burst open, revealing a crawling swarm of fans, he roared, "Homosexual lemon warning!"

The masses halted in their tracks until one brave soldier called, "What gender?"

Author-kun chuckled, "Guy on guy."

The masses retreated faster than they arrived, shrieking in dismay at the terror Author-kun had wrought.

"Hehe, casual homophobia."

"…ignoring that, why is his face obscured?"

Sitting back down, Author-kun mused, "Probably because half of the time, those authors add on unnecessary traits to Izuku Hyoudou's character – typically a very specific song and/or hobby – that makes it clear he's a self-insert character disguised as an Izuku." Sighing, Author-kun pulled out a flask and took a swig.

Izuku looked away from the chaotic-good Elseworlds version of him on the screen, "You sound really upset."

"Not gonna lie. This shit is really annoying. Like, way to shit on the source material, especially this source material, by completely changing every aspect of the main character when you clearly just want to write an OC."

"It sounds kinda fun though."

"Oh for sure. I'm subscribed to like ten of them." Clearing his throat, the Author clicked his remote, revealing an Izuku that was holding hands with someone offscreen. "This is a similarly annoying version of you in fanfictions. Codependent-Izuku."

"Co-dependent?"

"This Izuku found love-"

"Wait really?!"

"Shut up, you're getting some too…at some point. Anyways, this Izuku found love and while charming at first, quickly this relationship spirals until neither character is willing to leave the other's side. Like Codependent-Izuku and his girlfriend – or boyfriend – literally can't do one thing separate from each other!"

"I don't know, that sounds kinda nice."

Suddenly, Author-kun had seized Izuku's face in his hands, his eyes finally unobscured revealing wide, terrified brown irises, "Trust me, dude. It's not. No relationship where you spend every waking moment together works. I get annoyed if I see them every day, much less at all hours."

"That sounds like you have your own issues wi-"

"Ssssh." Author-kun put a finger over Izuku's mouth and stroked his hair with the other hand, "You starting to sound like my exes."

Plural?! Take a hint then!

Moving back to his desk, Author-kun clicked the remote, revealing an Izuku in a vest. That was it. "This is Villain-Izuku. His authors are lowkey sadists and have probably recently watched a YouTube video on Bakunin and/or the Marvel movies and think they have a grasp on writing moral conflict."

"Wait, I'm a villain? But…I've wanted to be a hero my entire life! It's like…my identity."

"Well it usually works well enough based on your backstory but sometimes they go overboard with it and turn you into a sociopath. But usually you're busy giving grandiose speeches about heroism or bullying and/or being balls-deep in Himiko Toga."

"Wait, who?"

With another click, another Izuku popped up. Except now, he was visibly sobbing in the fetal position, "This is Depressed-Izuku. He is depressed and angsty. He lives to suffer."

"…people want to write about me like this?"

Author-kun shrugged, "I'm sure it's cathartic or creative or something. Or maybe people like torturing fictional characters. Either way, I'm too scared to explore more in depth."

"Wait, why? What do they do to me?!"

"Moving on!" Another click and another Izuku popped up, this one glowing with a halo over his head. "This one is special to me. This is Creatively-Done-Izuku. He's you but with a twist or two. You can see how he got to where he is based on the differences between him and Canon-Izuku, but they're still the same character at the core. He's the best." Author-kun smiled to himself as a tear leaked from his eye. This is all for, redgrass-and-silvertrees senpai!

"So where do I fall?"

"…eh?"

Izuku scratched his head, "If I'm a fanfiction version of Canon-Izuku, then which version am I?"

Huh, he's taking all. this remarkably in stride. "W-well…t-technically, there's a hidden group of Izukus that I…admit I might fraternize with."

"Really? What is it?"

Reluctantly, Author-kun clicked the remote again, revealing…"Canon-Izuku?" Izuku turned to his companion, "What do you mean?"

Sighing, Author-kun pulled out a sharpie and crossed out the word 'canon' and replaced it with 'totally original take on the character, no totally, I swear!' He then turned to look at his creation, shame written on his imperceptible visage.

"…is it from a lack of creativity or-"

"Nope, not doing this. See you at the lemon chapter! Can't wait for you to skimp on foreplay and forget to lay a towel down!"

"The what chapter?!"

Izuku shot up with a start, the early morning rays peaking from behind the curtain of Yaoyorozu's parlor. Strangely, it had fallen deathly silent. In fact, it was totally empty, save for one lone figure sulking in the dark.

"Yaoyorozu?" Izuku asked, standing up surprisingly effortlessly for how hungover he thought he'd be.

She turned to face him, and he almost recoiled from the desolate expression on her otherwise charming face, "Oh. Hello Midoriya. Sleep well?" Her voice was even more monotonous than he thought possible.

"Wha…what happened? Where is everyone?"

She laughed drearily, "Well…"

Three hours earlier

"Hey, let's play the Spin the Bottle!"

"Yes! Great idea!"

"You down, Jiro?"

"Not if you're playing."

"Ooh, this is what I've been waiting for!" Mineta cried with ecstasy, only for Asui to slap him across the face with her tongue.

"You can't play."

"…huh?"

"Yeah that sounds fair."

"Probably for the best."

"WHO INVITED HIM?!"

After several moments of paralysis, possibly from his heart stopping, Mineta screamed and shouted, "WELL YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT'S NOT FOR THE BEST?!"

Eight hours earlier

Mineta sipped the rice juice that Yaoyorozu had prepared – or likely her servants. It's plain juice but the chances are that she didn't buy this. If I want a shot at having the wild high school party of my dreams, I'm gonna need to play this smart.

"Hey Yaoyorozu, this is some great sake!" Mineta exclaimed.

"Huh?" The sheltered rich girl panicked for a second before realizing who was talking, "Ugh, I know you're depraved but you can't tell that's just juice?"

Mineta pretended to sulk away but secretly snickered, his plan forming in wicked detail.

Thirty minutes later

Mineta approached Todoroki and offered his cup, "Cheers to your win!"

The heterochromic teen looked down and cocked his head, "…have we spoken before?"

"Eh…" This guy's the popular kid?! Shaking off his rage, Mineta smiled, "Well no, but I figured why waste good alcohol, right?"

That piqued Todoroki's interest, "This is alcoholic?" He took the cup and inspected its contents, "Is it sake or something? Looks sort of like the stuff from home."

Oh this is too easy. Mineta smiled and nodded innocently, "Sure is. Yaoyorozu really sprang for the good stuff. Guess Jiro really collected a ton of money from us, huh? Why don't you go over there and thank them?"

"Hmm. Guess that would be appropriate. Thank you." Todoroki nodded goodbye and moved towards Yaoyorozu and Jiro. While Mineta couldn't hear what they were saying, the shocked expression on the girls' faces made it all too clear what transpired.

And the near-instantaneous swaying and visible slurring was just icing on the cake. And now for the word of mouth to do the rest of the work for me. Pocky Game, here I come!

"…wow." I really forget how clever Mineta can be. Or maybe Todoroki's just gullible. "Still, I can't believe we all fell for it."

"Heh, turns out a bunch of aspiring high schoolers who spent all their time focusing on getting into a prestigious academy might not know what alcohol tastes like. Woops."

…she doesn't seem okay, even for the circumstances. "So everyone just left after he dropped that on you?"

She nodded, "I don't think any of us could look each other in the eye. Kyoka and Tsuyu did take Mineta somewhere but I don't know anything besides that."

"…still I'm a little amazed you fell for it."

"That makes one of us."

"I mean you always seem so smart and put together. If anyone would've caught on, I thought it would've been you."

Yaoyorozu perked up and looked at Midoriya seriously. After a beat, his face heated up. Crap, did that sound rude? Oh god that was so demeaning! "S-sorry, I-"

"Is that really how I seem?"

"…eh?"

She was looking at him even more seriously, but with a faint sparkle behind her eyes.

"…I mean, yeah. It's only been like a month or so but you're already probably the smartest person I've ever met. I mean, Kaminari and I would probably be dead if you hadn't come up with that stuff at USJ."

Yaoyorozu looked away, but he could see a faint, yet slightly morose smile forming on her face, "After yesterday – or I guess two days ago now – I don't feel like myself. I mean…I lost so handily."

"Your match against Tokoyami?" Izuku sat down next to her, "I didn't get to see it but I heard he was heavy on offense." And I heard how short it was but she doesn't need that right now.

She shook her head, "It's not just that. It's that I couldn't do anything. I was so…slow? No, that's not it. It was like I couldn't make a decision and I got caught in my own head." She then turned to him, "Not like you though. You managed to improve so quickly and nearly beat Todoroki. And he's so powerful. And then Tokoyami's so efficient. It's like when I see you all, I just feel…inadequate."

Izuku looked at his bandaged hand and took a deep breath, "I think I have the opposite problem."

"Hmm?"

"I try to stick to a plan but when I get backed into a corner, way too often I just default to what's instinctual instead of what's reasonable. And sure, I'm happy I could help Todoroki but…I have to wonder if it would've been better to play it safe and just talk it through." Be nice to not have to worry about damaging my body too.

Yaoyorozu tapped her chin before shaking her head, "Respectfully, I disagree."

Now it was Izuku's turn to look surprised.

"Long term, yes it's better to think things through. But heroism, or at least my vision of it, comes down to the moment where we choose whether or not to act. Obviously, you shouldn't throw your body around, but maybe don't count out your instincts just yet."

They sat in a comfortable silence for a while until Todoroki appeared from the room over, holding a hand over the right side of his face, "Good morning."

"Wait, Todoroki?! You're still here?" Yaoyorozu exclaimed with a start, "What happened to your face?"

"Hey, I remember he was hiding it last night too. Did something happen?"

Reluctantly, he dropped his hand, revealing a bright red flush, "My scar masks it on the left side but…"

"…Todoroki, the rice juice was just juice." Yaoyorozu deadpanned.

"I heard."

"…then why is your face still red."

"…determination."

"…I'm gonna have my driver take you both home."

"Yeah, that sounds good."

"Can he take me to the hospital?"

Two hours later

The group chat was quiet except for a single thread.

Jiro: So nothing happened last night?

Tsuyu: Agreed.

Sato: Sounds good.

Deku: I'd prefer that.

Kirishima: Eh, I had fun.

Bakugou: I'll kill you.

Sero: *kiss

*Bakugou has left the chat*

If it wasn't clear, Todoroki went to see his mom after the party. That's why he wanted to go to the hospital.

Also Mineta's plan was convince Yaoyorozu that her servants set out booze instead of regular juice and she was naïve/unconfident enough to believe him (or at least Todoroki who is definitely naïve enough to believe Mineta). From there, everyone else just sorta fell into a pseudo-drunkenness like in Food Wars where it's totally just rice juice. Totally. Absolutely just juice.

But it's done. It took so. Many. Fucking. Rewrites. And cuts. It was nearly 8K words originally and believe me, none of it was good. But it's done. I feel I could produce a documentary on the process behind writing the damn thing but it honestly came down to cutting the stuff that really didn't belong (so much for unfiltered inebriation) and forcing myself to include some stuff that did but probably wouldn't sit well with a lot of you (the joys of being a self-conscious asshole).

Oh well.

Honestly, what pushed me over the edge to just release the chapter was probably the new movie. After Star Wars, I was hoping to cleanse my palate…whoops. Turns out rage is a good motivator to rewrite a canon (see my unpublished Game of Thrones fanfic where my queen doesn't go full savage).

Now back to the stuff that's fun to write.

Also Yaoyorozu won.