p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Are you alright" Derek asked mebr /"I'm fine"br /spanspan lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;" "Eleonora you need to calm down" br /"I am calm" I said through gritted teeth br /br /"then why are you trying to drill a hole on the table" br /"what?" I looked down on my hands and I realized I was tapping my index finger on the table I rested my palm flat but it only made me feel restless, I stood up and went to the kitchen counter, I needed something to distract myself or I would explode so I started organizing the herbs Deaton had brought me. A red spot had appeared in front of my /span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span"I am calm" I said again although I wasn't. I could hear it on my own voice br /"you don't look calm you look like you are planning a murder" Derek said./span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I turned and looked at him "Derek" I said slowly so he could understand how serious I was about it "I am planning a murder"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Derek said nothing and I turned and gave my whole attention to the herbs. The small red spot began to dance in front of my left eye and my head was throbbing "we need a plan" I saidbr /"are you sure about that?" br /"about what?" I asked without turning around. I was still organizing. And then reorganizing what he'd already organized. br /"About starting a war" he said. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I was starting to get angry. Part of me had been waiting to be angry all day, and here was my chance, but I had to stay calm, as calm as I could anyway. I took a deep breath, the red spot in front of my eye was dancing the hula. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""yesterday you were trying to convince me that the best thing we could do was to start a war and now you are trying to talk me out of it?" I asked the spot was growing bigger and bigger by the momentbr /"I am not trying to talk you out of it. I still believe it is the best thing to do, I'm just not sure you believe it as well and I don't want you to agree to something you are going to regret later"br /"Derek they have my brother" I said feeling the words vibrating in my throat, I wasn't going to cry I don't have time for crying. I took some time to even my breath /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I am not going to regret anything" that was a straight out lie/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanI was probably going to regret it but I wasn't going to let them keep my brother like that even if it meant that I was going to have the blood of everyone who will agree to help me on my hands, even if it meant I was going to die, and I was going to die. Derek knew I was lying and he was right I wasn't thinking straight./span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span"look we don't have the time to argue" I said br /"I don't want to argue, I want to be sure that you are not making a decision that you are going to regret, just take some time to think this through"br /"I don't have time" I looked him in the eye "and even if I regret it I am going to follow through if that's what you are afraid of"br /"that's exactly what I am afraid of" his voice sounded grim and menacing and for the first time Derek's intimidating voice managed to actually intimidate me "I am afraid that you are going to do it even if you change your mind"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanI was confused I didn't speak because I wasn't sure how to respond to that I wasn't even sure what it meant, he closed his eyes for a moment and he breathed through his nose "all right" he said sounding tired this time "I am going to call Satomi" br /"thank you" I was still confused about his behavior but I didn't say anything more./span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I turned and looked at him "Derek" I said slowly so he could understand how serious I was about it "I am planning a murder"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Derek said nothing and I turned and gave my whole attention to the herbs. The small red spot began to dance in front of my left eye and my head was throbbing "we need a plan" I saidbr /"are you sure about that?" br /"about what?" I asked without turning around. I was still organizing. And then reorganizing what he'd already organized. br /"About starting a war" he said. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I was starting to get angry. Part of me had been waiting to be angry all day, and here was my chance, but I had to stay calm, as calm as I could anyway. I took a deep breath, the red spot in front of my eye was dancing the hula. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""yesterday you were trying to convince me that the best thing we could do was to start a war and now you are trying to talk me out of it?" I asked the spot was growing bigger and bigger by the momentbr /"I am not trying to talk you out of it. I still believe it is the best thing to do, I'm just not sure you believe it as well and I don't want you to agree to something you are going to regret later"br /"Derek they have my brother" I said feeling the words vibrating in my throat, I wasn't going to cry I don't have time for crying. I took some time to even my breath /span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I am not going to regret anything" that was a straight out lie/span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanI was probably going to regret it but I wasn't going to let them keep my brother like that even if it meant that I was going to have the blood of everyone who will agree to help me on my hands, even if it meant I was going to die, and I was going to die. Derek knew I was lying and he was right I wasn't thinking straight./span/p
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span"look we don't have the time to argue" I said br /"I don't want to argue, I want to be sure that you are not making a decision that you are going to regret, just take some time to think this through"br /"I don't have time" I looked him in the eye "and even if I regret it I am going to follow through if that's what you are afraid of"br /"that's exactly what I am afraid of" his voice sounded grim and menacing and for the first time Derek's intimidating voice managed to actually intimidate me "I am afraid that you are going to do it even if you change your mind"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanI was confused I didn't speak because I wasn't sure how to respond to that I wasn't even sure what it meant, he closed his eyes for a moment and he breathed through his nose "all right" he said sounding tired this time "I am going to call Satomi" br /"thank you" I was still confused about his behavior but I didn't say anything more./span/p