Do you think people who actually trawl the internet all day looking for people to be dickheads to realise how much everyone is laughing at them, not with them?

MIdwestMexican - I can explain exactly! The club scene was, technically, incomplete. Co-writer has a plan, and I just put in smut where they indicate they would like some smut. And I was having a bad day and just wanted to finish the damned chapter when I had to do the club scene. So no, it wasn't explicitly covered, but Hiccup was not Astrid's only playmate that night and it was one of the others they played (had I finished that scene... probably Mala) with that left the mark on her wrist. So the bruise was a given, I just failed to properly explain where it came from.

-HTTYD-

"Hiccup?"

His father's question seemed to ring through the room like the tolling of a bell, and Hiccup felt his heart drop down somewhere around his shoes. He could almost hear his father's thoughts. How could Hiccup be possibly responsible for 'abuse' bruises on his girlfriend?

Then Ruff made it worse.

"Oh, are you two open too?"

She asked. Hiccup wanted to yell at her to be quiet; she and Snot had an open relationship, and while it was occasionally tumultuous, they managed to make it work. But the fact that Ruff had other boyfriends had made all of the elders at the table suspicious as to who the biological father of the baby might be, back when the announcement had been made.

"'Too'?" Uncle Spite seized on in an instant, glaring at Hiccup and Astrid. "You two are also cheating on each other?"

"No!" Astrid blurted, and looked at Hiccup's father " now can you let me go, please?"

Stoick let go, but before Astrid could sit herself back down, Hiccup's mother spoke up.

"You didn't say who did it," she said firmly, and her eyes narrowed. "Can I speak with you for a moment? Alone?"

Astrid wrinkled her nose, and Hiccup could imagine her thoughts; say no, and leave an open question, or agree and potentially make it worse or better…

Then Valka bit her lip, chewing on it as she pondered before she nodded to Astrid.

"Your concealer work is very good, but not perfect, especially when the person you're hiding bruises from is used to spotting them under makeup" she rose as Hiccup swallowed, feeling numb and cold as those keen eyes of hers scanned Astrid with a knowing gaze "and I see at least three. So who hit you?"

"If they're fooling around on each other, could be anybody."

Uncle Spite spat sourly.

"We're not cheating on each other!"

Astrid insisted. Which was true - there was no dishonesty, no deception between them.

"Hmmph. That's what boyo and his girl here say" Uncle Spite commented, his tone even more sour, before looking to Hiccup "So, who hit your girl there? I noticed you haven't said anything."

"I'm not a girl!"

Ruff's exclamation went largely ignored. Hiccup swallowed as he was suddenly the center of attention.

"They're from martial arts!" Astrid blurted out, everyone looking to her and Hiccup felt the gazes leaving him like the lifting of a heavy weight "I do karate and aikido and a few others, and we were practicing grapples and got a little sloppy."

Hiccup fought back a wince at the lie; it was true that she did martial arts, but that hadn't been the source of the bruises and other marks on her. Then again, the bruise on her wrist wasn't from Hiccup either. But he couldn't exactly admit to that.

"So why didn't you say so?"

Hiccup's father asked, clearly still suspicious.

"I just did," Astrid replied tartly "excuse me for being a bit surprised when someone just grabs my arm out of nowhere! You're lucky not to be flat on your ass, I don't take well to random attacks on my person. And as I mentioned, I do martial arts."

Hiccup almost laughed at Astrid's quick bit of snark. Stoick looked down, a bit abashed.

"Point taken. Apologies."

Hiccup felt his heart hammering as Astrid settled back into her seat, followed by his parents. His mom seems a bit skeptical, but after one last glance over Astrid (taking in her body language, Hiccup would bet money on), she sat back down as well.

The silence that followed was awkward and tense and for a moment, Hiccup felt the insane urge to confess everything but tamped down on it before it could escape. Goodness knew that he'd done stupid stuff as a teen that had gotten him in serious trouble, when he'd been so convinced of his rightness that he'd tried to 'show' people with big dramatic gestures.

But convincing his parents that Safe, Sane and Consensual BDSM was any of those three things was a far cry from releasing all of the rats from the biology classroom before they could be killed and dissected, like he'd done when he was a teen. That had 'only' gotten him grounded for two months, even though his mom had privately found it hilarious. Good idea, bad execution, she'd said.

So he kept his mouth shut, and fought to keep his breathing even as his mother's gaze swept over him. Did she suspect? Did she know? It would kill him to lose his mother's regard. But she didn't say anything, and instead picked up her knife and fork again before speaking politely to Astrid.

"So, what sorts of martial arts do you practice, Astrid?"

Astrid gave a small sound of relief before launching in to the incredibly welcome distraction topic.

"I started Karate when I was eight, and started Aikido when I was fourteen…"

Slowly, as she explained her history of physical training - and bragged a bit about her awards, as though trying to remind everybody there she could easily bend Hiccup into a pretzel if the whim arose - the tension around the table seemed to relax a bit. Snotlout even helped a bit by telling a funny story of when he'd tried to hit on her and had instead gotten hit back, and Hiccup made a mental note of thanks to his cousin.

Still, the conversation had a brittle air to it, and Hiccup didn't miss the not-subtle-death-glares that his aunt and uncle were giving them; they Did Not Approve of any relationship outside of monogamous marriage. Hiccup was amazed they hadn't kidnapped the kids and forced them up the aisle sometimes. Snot had narrowly avoided being disowned when Ruff's pregnancy had come out a few months back, just after Cami had dropped her deadline on Hiccup fessing up to Astrid.

Hiccup chewed on the excellent roast, barely tasting it. If Snot had had a spare brother, he probably would have gotten disowned. It had been a huge row, even from Hiccup's perspective of watching from a safe distance and avoiding getting involved. The only thing that had saved him, Hiccup knew, was the fact that a pre-birth paternity test had shown that, yes, the baby was a Jorgenson by 'blood'.

He hated it. The whole focus on bloodlines and grandchildren and marriage and... everything. 'The family line' was all that seemed to count. He resisted the urge to snort into his potatoes as his thoughts traveled down well-worn paths of his own petty victories. His ancestors had been conquerors and killers and pathologically emotionally stunted humans. Hiccup had found a journal by his grandfather Hamish up in the attic back when he'd been a boy, and it had been full of breathtaking poetry and logic puzzles and philosophy… which Hiccup's great-grandfather had derided and told his son to stop with the useless pontificating and focus on something 'useful'.

And so Hamish had cut off that bit of himself and shoved it into his journals. The amputation had been bloody, for all of the fact that it hadn't been physical. Those journals had been one of the things which had helped Hiccup get together the courage to accept and embrace the parts of himself that he'd been taught to abhor.

A sudden touch on his thigh brought him out of his thoughts and he looked to see Astrid giving him a look of concern.

"You okay?"

She asked, soft voice meant only for him.

He nodded, hardly daring to do more. He could see the concern in her eyes, and he basked in it. Yes, in the bedroom, she surrendered control to him as it suited her fancy, but there was no question that they were completely equal partners. She leaned on him to satisfy her - and feed her - and make her happy, and he leaned on her for support and her strength, and she made him happy in turn. And together they were both stronger for it.

With her hand squeezing his and her smile etched firmly in his heart, he could do this.

The rest of the dinner passed without incident, although the conversation was still brittle; Hiccup could tell that his aunt and uncle were itching to ask probing questions about his relationship with Astrid and plans for any weddings. He had the distinct feeling that part of the reason for that was so that they could use him as leverage on Snotlout and Ruffnut to get married already. It was times like this that Hiccup was more grateful to have had the parents he did. Stoick and Valka might be both stubborn as mules and fail to understand his perspective at times (or lifestyle ever), but at least they weren't as hidebound as Spitelout and Freda.

Remembering the condoms his mother had left in his bedroom, Hiccup held back a snort. Definitely a little less stick-up-the-arse uptight. Actually, a stick up the ass might do wonders for- no, bad thoughts! Hiccup shook off the disturbing mental images of his uncle, covering up his disgust as a bit of dessert going down the wrong pipe.

Finally, dessert was finished and Hiccup took a glance out of the window; the snow was still at acceptable limits, thank fuck for that.

"No, you can't leave yet," came a droll comment from his mother from behind him, having seen Hiccup looking outside "You still have presents to open!"

Hiccup scoffed and turned around.

"Oh, is that an envelope from Uncle Spite?" He held a hand to his chest before stroking an imaginary beard of contemplation "whatever could be inside?"

"A gift card," Ruffnut commented from the side. "Just like money, but somehow less useful!"

"Maybe a cheque," Snotlout added, coming up from behind Ruff and putting his arm around her waist, though his arms weren't long enough to meet over her grown belly anymore "Just remember, Hic, don't try adding extra zeroes!"

Uncle Spitelout gave his son a sidelong look and Snotlout gave him the biggest grin he could force. Hiccup snorted and Astrid commented dryly.

"Speaking from experience, Snot?"

"The teller had a good sense of humor about it," Hiccup said conspiratorially in a carrying whisper to her. "Called over all of her coworkers to gawk at the ten trillion pound cheque a seventeen-year-old had just tried to cash."

Snotlout's grin still seemed forced, but he was also giggling a bit, and his father gave a long suffering sigh under his breath.

Thankfully, that tension faded when everyone was distracted by other gifts. Valka came over and deposited a heavy box in Hiccup's hands, forcing Spite and Snot to shut up unless they wanted her mad at them for spoiling her moment.

"Here you go, son."

Hiccup smiled at her and considered the logistics of how to open it.

"Come on, Hiccup, take off the engineer hat and be a good birthday boy!" Ruffnut egged him on. "You don't need to come up with an 'optimal solution'. Just rip it open! Imagine it's Astrid's clothes!"

There were several sharp, shocked sounds from the older adults around them, and Astrid almost choked on her drink. Having no idea how to respond to that, Hiccup stuck his tongue out at Ruff, found the seam with his fingernails, and started to jokingly unfold the paper, working at it just long enough to get everyone to start calling for him to 'get on with it!' Then, with a shrug, he tore it open.

Inside the wrapping was a glass case, with a dragon statue inside that. Hiccup whistled as he took a close look; carved from a black stone, he could see the individual scales on the foot-long dragon, which had lines that reminded him of a cross between a panther and an axolotl. The dragon was perched on a spire of black-blue rock, its wings outstretched, the long tail curled around the stone, which shimmered a little when he mindfully turned it to take in all the details.

"It's beautiful, mom. Thanks."

He said earnestly; he appreciated their shared love of art and her encouragement of his love for it so much. She beamed and reached up to tousle his hair affectionately.

"You're welcome. The sculptor does good work, wouldn't you say?"

Hiccup nodded fervently, and put the gift aside on the table, turning to the next package. Over the next ten or so minutes, he found himself richer by everything from a LEGO Technic robotics set from his cousin to a set of cookbooks and fancy kitchen gear from Astrid, to, yes, a cheque from his uncle, to some high-end art tools from his dad…

And then it all went straight to hell.

Astrid sat perched on the arm of the couch, elbow on her knee and chin nestled on her hand, smiling as Hiccup unwrapped his birthday presents. She'd actually gotten him two sets of gifts. Well, three, really, she thought, her smile shifting into a smirk. The first was the tame kitchen stuff that she'd found after raiding his shopping wishlists, because honestly her boyfriend could be a pain in the ass to buy for (and a pain in the ass for fun, but that was different). The second were the toys she'd gotten from the sex shop that were waiting for them back home. And the third…

Well, she'd conspired with Heather, Eret and Atali. Next weekend Hiccup would be getting home to find two subs and two switches for him to unwrap for a belated (and messy) birthday party. Atali had thought the whole idea to be hilarious and had offered helpful suggestions on ribbon materials for optimum comfort and restraining strength. Tonight, though, unless he was up for sex when they got home - which she doubted, given the tension of the meal - she was just planning on giving him a long massage and cuddling with him under the covers. Which she was also looking forward to.

Hiccup set the box of high-end markers from his father aside on top of the rest of the pile of really expensive art supplies - because Hiccup didn't flaunt it so Astrid occasionally forgot his family had money. As Astrid wondered if he could be talked into doing figure studies of her… while she was in one of the more elaborate rope restraints, he reached for the next box.

Next to her, Ruffnut suddenly stiffened.

"Uh, Hiccup?"

She started to say, but Hiccup had already torn open the wrapping before his name finished leaving her mouth…

Revealing a revealing box of bondage and fetish gear

Astrid stared with horror at the (admittedly pretty) leather cuffs with Astrid's name on, lying alongside a whip marked as "for beginners" and a rather heavy duty looking leather flogger as Hiccup dropped it like he'd been burned. The box rattled, as though saying "there's more underneath!" to add to the all round shock of the moment.

All eyes turned to Ruffnut.

"Oops…" she said hesitantly.

There was a long pause, until Valka spoke. Her voice was soft, firm and absolutely lethal.

"Robina Eugene Thorston, why are you giving that to my son for his birthday? Or ever?"

Ruffnut seemed to inflate for a moment as alarm bells went off in Astrid's head. No, no, no, no, for once in your life, don't rise, Ruff—! she thought before the other woman replied belligerently.

"Because I knew he'd enjoy it!"

Stoick looked at Hiccup, who had gone so alarmingly pale his freckles stood out like he'd been in the sun all day.

"Son…? She's joking, right? You… you don't do that sort of thing to… to…"

He looked at Astrid. She was just about to protest his innocence when Hiccup, bearing the strain of guilt for far too long now, finally snapped.

"What do you want me to say, Dad? That I don't abuse Astrid? Of course I don't! But, yeah, we do do stuff like this together!" He shot to his feet as his father and mother stared at him, shocked "I've been hiding it for years! Yeah, I'm not a vanilla like you! Astrid is my girlriend and my submissive, and she came to me-"

"That's enough!" Stoick barked as Astrid slid off of the couch's arm and started to walk over to Hiccup - only to have Valka step into her path. "I thought we raised you right!"

"You taught me to respect people. But you also taught me to hate myself!" Hiccup bellowed back.

"We taught you to be a good man who doesn't hurt people!" Valka said, and there were tears in her eyes before she turned to Astrid, taking her arm "Come, Astrid, we'll get you—"

"I don't need your help!"

Astrid snapped and tried to jerk her arm free (damn, Valka was strong), even as inside she was wailing with denial. No, no, no, this couldn't be happening…

"Yes, you do!" Valka said. "You're already lying for him and covering up the marks!" she looked to her husband "Stoick, help me here!"

Hiccup started towards them, only to have Stoick's arm suddenly in the way like a roadblock.

"No! You don't get to touch her! Not after what you just admitted!"

"I am not one of the abusers in your courtroom, dad!"

Hiccup shouted as Astrid tried to get around Valka without actually attacking her, but the older woman was taller than she was, with a corresponding greater reach.

"You already admitted to hitting your girlfriend, son!" Stoick bellowed back. "I'm not going to risk her health on your word, after you said that you'd been lying for years, no matter how you try to excuse that abuse!"

"You don't understand-"

"I understand that I hear these words from men who beat their wives, sometimes to death!" Stoick shouted, his voice loud enough to make cutlery shake, and his voice cracked as he continued,"I thought we had raised you right… but if you actually believe what you're saying… then you're not really my son."

Hiccup seemed to deflate, and rigidly, like one of his own robots, he turned away from the group - with his aunt, uncle, and cousin all staring with shock - and walked to the door. "I… I thought I was."

He said softly, and walked out without even his coat to protect him from the snow.

Astrid, her heart hammering, watched him go while frozen to the spot, until the door shut behind him, and then she started after him as the sound seemed to free her from her paralysis - only to feel a hand clamp down on her shoulder.

She turned to see Judge Haddock standing behind her.

"We need to talk."

"You just - let me go! Did you just - he's going to - "

She sputtered, only to have him pull her into a side room and close the door. If Astrid was thinking more clearly, she'd have pointed out dragging someone into a room and closing them in was not the best way to deal with someone they thought was being abused.

"Lass, it's your protection I want to ensure right now. Right after an abuser has been exposed is the time of greatest danger to his partner-"

"It's Hiccup's safety I'm worried about!" she snapped. "This is his worst nightmare-"

"And me finding out that my son hits women for his fun isn't!?" Stoick snapped, and a brief look of incredible sorrow grew on his face only to be walled away an instant later "no, we're going to get you in protective custody-"

Astrid glared at him and felt her features twist into fury.

"The hell you are. Judge Haddock, let me go after my boyfriend before he does something stupid!"

He shook his head.

"Lass, I'm sorry, but I need to get you to someplace safe. You're not in your right mind—"

"Sir, I'm warning you one last time. I am completely in control of my faculties, and your statements are not only unwarranted, they are insulting."

"I'm not letting you go back to your abuser!"

Stoick bellowed, and Astrid's temper slipped a little further out of control.

"Get it through your thick skull!" she shouted back. "It. Is. NOT. ABUSE!"

"He admitted that he hits you!"

Stoick yelled back, and she heard the tears in his voice - and that fanned her fury. He had no right to be acting like he was, and she was going to do something he would regret if he didn't let her go soon.

"Because I asked him to! Because he'll stop when I tell him to! Because I like it!"

Stoick stared at her, appalled and shocked - and then his grip tightened.

"I've heard enough! You've been conditioned to accept this, and you need protection until we can get you treatment-"

She hit him.

It was a perfect series of blows, almost textbook. A stiffened palm to the solar plexus, a knee to the groin, and a kick to the back of the knees - and she laid him out on the floor with a thunderous shudder. It really was true; the bigger they are, the harder they fall.

She stared at the moaning form of a judge that she'd just assaulted and let herself have a single moment of panic before bolting for the door. She turned back to see Valka kneeling over her husband, and held up her bruised wrist.

"I wasn't lying. This wasn't Hiccup."

And with that, she ran out of the house. She had to find Hiccup before he did something stupid.

-HTTYD-

Ta-daaaa! Hope you guys had fun with this update.