All the couples (Charles and Melinda, Drew and Charlotte, Stu and Didi, and Howard and Betty) have been paired for the first time since high school, and they are now dating. After a romantic dinner at an Italian restaurant, Charles invites Melinda to the opera. Stu, Drew, and their respective girlfriends go to the opera too, as does Lou, but Howard and Betty are much more interested in seeing a football game…
Time passed quickly. Pretty soon, on the first Saturday of November, Chas and Melinda were about to go on their first date. As Melinda got dressed for the occasion, wearing a blue dress, she heard her doorbell ring.
Melinda opened the door and saw Howard. "Oh, hi, Melinda," he said, smiling.
"Hey, Howard, how are things going for you?" asked Melinda.
"Not too bad. You remember back in grade school when you told me that Betty was picking on me because she didn't have the guts to say that she loves me?"
"Yeah?"
"Well, you were right. Turns out all those times she poked me with her index finger, slapped my back, and nearly beat me up, she was just showing her affection for me!"
"Well, congratulations."
"That's why we're going on our first date, and I got a secret…" Howard showed Melinda a pair of fake muscles. "Muscle arms!"
Melinda looked dumbfounded. "You really think that'll work?"
"It has to," Howard replied as he put the muscles on his arms. "What would impress a girl of her stature than a guy with a similar build?"
And before Melinda could say anything, Howard rushed off to his first date with Betty.
Melinda sighed, "Well, what he doesn't know won't hurt him."
Meanwhile, Chas was getting ready for his own date. He wore a black and white tuxedo with a green bow tie. He had taken a shower and sprayed himself with a little cologne to make himself extra neat and clean for this, his first date.
Presently, he heard a knock on his door. He went to the door and opened it to find Stu and Drew, also dolled up for their own dates.
"Oh, hey, guys," said Chas.
"Hi, Chas," said Drew.
"So, you're getting ready for a date too?" asked Stu.
"Yes," said Chas. "I don't know where we're going, but Melinda told me that she'll show me when I see her."
Just then, he heard Melinda's car horn.
"That must be her!" he cried, and he rushed up to her car.
As soon as Chas got inside her car, Melinda handed him a blindfold and said, "Just put this on. You're really going to like this place!"
Chas put the blindfold over his eyes.
Just then, Melinda started the engine and drove off to her destination. As Stu and Drew saw this, Stu said to Drew, "Come on, let's go on our own dates. Didi awaits me at the kosher restaurant she's been telling me about!"
"Kosher restaurant?" asked Drew.
"Didn't you know? Didi's Jewish. Her parents come from Russia."
"Wow! The more you know…"
And Stu and Drew went to their own cars to go on their dates with Didi and Charlotte respectively…
A little later, Melinda had pulled over at an Italian restaurant. She led the blindfolded Chas to the entrance and said to him, "You may take off your blindfold now!"
Chas took off his blindfold and saw that he and Melinda were standing in front of an Italian restaurant. He smiled as Melinda asked him, "Do you like it?"
Chas replied, "I love it, Melinda. I hope we'll get to share our first kiss there!"
Melinda added, "I hope so too."
And so, Chas and Melinda entered the Italian restaurant, unaware that they were being watched… by Minka Kropotkin.
Meanwhile, at the kosher restaurant, Minka's husband Boris was watching his daughter Didi on her date with the Gentile Stu Pickles. He saw it all.
Stu held the door open for Didi, but he accidentally whacked her on the head in the process. As soon as Didi shook it off, she and Stu couldn't take their eyes off each other, but Stu ended up bumping into a waiter, making him spill a tray of drinks! The patrons couldn't stop laughing at the funny man Didi was going out with.
But when the waiter asked them, "What kind of water would you like?" both Stu and Didi said, "Sparkling."
As soon as the waiter came back with the sparkling water, he asked the couple, "May I take your orders?"
Stu gave his order in turn: "I'd like a beef steak with a side of kosher fries. And for Didi, a chicken soup for starters, and some roast pheasant as the main course."
Didi smiled. Stu was being so romantic!
As soon as the waiter wrote down the order, he went back to the kitchen so the chefs could make the dishes.
Boris watched all this and thought, "This Stu fellow may be a Gentile, but he's a genteel Gentile. I think he's quite a catch for my Didila."
Later, as Stu and Didi were eating their meals, Didi accidentally spilled some of her soup onto Stu's lap, causing him to scream in pain and fall onto a dessert cart with spiced honey cakes.
"Oh, my goodness!" cried Didi. "Stu, let me help you up!"
But as Didi tried to help him up, she slipped on the cakes…
Meanwhile, at the Italian restaurant, Chas' date with Melinda was going much more smoothly. They had ordered a big plate of spaghetti when Minka, watching the two lovebirds, overheard them having a romantic conversation.
Chas sighed, "Remember the time when we first met?"
"How could I forget?" Melinda replied. "We were in fourth grade, and I had just moved across the street from you and your folks. And when I first saw you, I thought, I'll love him until the day I die."
"Melinda, you always know what to say…"
"Of course, I do, Charles. I could never find a man as sweet or as sensitive as you."
As Chas and Melinda gazed lovingly at each other, Minka stealthily snuck over to the restaurant's DJ and whispered something into his ear. The DJ nodded and played a record on his jukebox. It was the duet "O soave fanciulla" from Puccini's La Bohême.
As the waiter placed the plate of spaghetti on Chas and Melinda's table, the young lovers could hear the tenor's voice singing from the jukebox:
"O soave fanciulla, o dolce viso,
di mite circonfuso alba lunar,
in te ravviso il sogno
ch'io vorrei sempre sognar!"
As the tenor reached a climactic high note, Chas and Melinda got the same strand of spaghetti and, as they slurped it, his lips met hers, and they got to share their love's first kiss.
Meanwhile, at the kosher restaurant, it was when Didi slipped on the honey cakes and landed right on top of Stu that her lips met his. All the patrons gasped as they saw Stu and Didi sharing a long and passionate kiss.
All this was occurring at the same time the tenor was joined by a soprano voice on the jukebox at the Italian restaurant.
Soprano: "Ah, tu sol comandi, amor!"
Tenor: "Fremon già nell'anima
le dolcezze estreme."
Soprano: "Tu sol comandi, amore!"
Tenor: "Fremon nell'anima
dolcezze estreme,
fremon dolcezze estreme!
Nel bacio freme amor!"
Soprano: "Oh! come dolci scendono
le sue lusinghe al core…
Tu sol comandi, amor!"
When Boris watched his Didi kiss Stu, he knew in his heart that Stu was the right man for his little girl, "even if he's a Gentile," he thought.
When Minka saw Chas and Melinda kissing each other, she wiped a tear of joy from her eye. She also knew in her heart that the two were meant for each other.
As soon as Chas and Melinda parted from their kiss, Melinda asked, "Hey, Charles, is that La Bohême?"
"It certainly is," said Chas.
"The Act I duet 'O soave fanciulla'?"
Chas gazed at Melinda. "How did you know where it's from?"
Melinda replied, "I know where it's from because my dad took me to see it when I was twelve."
"Really?"
"Yes, he told me that this was his and my mom's favorite opera when they were young. He's always wept at the final scene because it reminds him of what happened to my mom."
"Gee, I'm sorry for him. When I was a sixth grader, I wept during the final scene simply because the story overwhelmed me. To this day, I don't listen to it too often because every time I get to the end… Niagara Falls."
"Niagara Falls?"
"Yeah… well, if you need a good cry, I'd like to invite you to the opera."
"Really? You'd do that?"
"We could invite five or six friends!"
"I'd love to go to the opera with you!"
And once they had paid the check, Chas and Melinda left the Italian restaurant linked arm-to-arm as the tenor and soprano sang from the jukebox:
"Amor! Amor! Amor!"
Minka saw the whole thing and sighed. She was right the whole time. Charles Finster and Melinda Cavanaugh really were meant for each other…
The next day, Sunday, at church, Chas whispered to his friends: "Drew, come over to my house, and bring Charlotte!" "Stu, come over to my house, and bring Didi!" "Howard, come over to my house, and bring Betty!"
And so, before long, Stu, Drew, Howard, and their respective girlfriends came to Chas' house, where he and Melinda were waiting. Stu rang the doorbell, and Chas opened the door to see his friends.
"Hey, Chas, great!" cried Stu. "And I see that Melinda's with you."
"My affection for Charles is only getting stronger," said Melinda.
"And mine for Melinda," sighed Chas.
Stu, Didi, Drew, Charlotte, Howard, and Betty soon all got into Chas' house and took their seats in his living room.
Chas said to the others, "I have called this meeting because I have invited Melinda to the opera, and I would like to take six friends."
"The opera, huh?" asked Drew, intrigued. "Which one? Carmen? Tosca? Die Walküre?"
"No, guys," said Melinda. "La Bohême. Now that we've all been paired up, Charles figured that this was the perfect romantic opera for all of us to see."
"I don't know, you guys," said Stu. "I remember when our music teacher took us to see La Bohême back when I was in the eleventh grade. I cried like a baby at the ending."
Didi placed a reassuring hand on Stu's shoulder and said to him, "Then when we see it, we can have a good cry together."
"What day will they stage this opera?" asked Charlotte.
Chas replied, "On Friday."
But Howard and Betty were not opera fans.
"Actually, Betty and I were planning to see a football game that day," said Howard.
Betty added, "You know how much we enjoy football. But you guys can go on without us!"
This miffed Stu, who said to Howard, "Surely, you must have heard of La Bohême! If you had, you wouldn't pass it up for some football game!"
Howard replied, "Well, I don't really like opera."
"You'd have to be an uncultured swine not to like opera!"
Didi broke up the argument and said to Stu, "Now, dear, we'll watch what we like, and Howard and Betty will watch what they like."
Chas sighed, "Well, I was hoping Howard and Betty would come along with us, but if they don't want to, who are we to force them? Meeting is adjourned."
And so, everyone went back home, with Betty commenting to herself, "Men! Except for Howard, all they ever talk about is opera!"
"We do not!" cried Stu, who had heard it within earshot. But then, he told Didi, "Time to put on the Luciano Pavarotti tape I just bought."
And so, he put the tape into the car, and he and Didi were listening to Luciano Pavarotti singing "La donna è mobile" on the way home.
Meanwhile, Stu's insult finally sunk into Howard, who asked in an annoyed manner, "Wait, did he just call me an uncultured swine?"
At the Pickles' residence, Lou, who was Stu's father, overheard his son muttering something under his breath.
"What's the matter, son?" asked Lou.
Stu replied, "Chas and Melinda offered to take us to the opera, but while Didi and I accepted, while Drew and Charlotte accepted, Howard and Betty declined the offer because the opera house so happened to be staging La Bohême on the very same night as their precious football game!"
Lou gazed at Stu, who added, "Not that I don't like football, but you'd have to be an uncultured swine to pass up an opera for a football game that happens to be scheduled for the same day."
Didi then said, "In other words, Charles and Melinda are disappointed that Howard and Betty aren't going with us to the opera this Friday."
Lou replied, "Well, you can tell your friends that I'll be joining them to the opera come Friday! Why, when I was a sprout, we were lucky even to see a play, let alone a silent movie! In fact, I had to wait until I was fifteen years old before I saw my first opera!"
Stu and Didi were pleased. "They'll be glad to hear it!" cried Stu. "They'll be glad to hear it!"
That Friday, the Multiplex Opera House was about to be packed. Chas, Melinda, Drew, Charlotte, Stu, Didi, and Lou had come to the building to see Puccini's La Bohême. Drew said to Charlotte, "You know, Charlotte, I still can't believe that all Howard and Betty could think about was sports!"
"Ah, I'm sure they'll be fine," said Charlotte. Then, she turned to her brick phone and said, "Jonathan, I can't talk to you now. I'm about to go see an opera with my boyfriend." And she turned off her phone.
Melinda then said to the others, "Well, guys, we've got everything: programs, librettos, even the box of Kleenex Charlotte requested."
Charlotte said to Melinda, "Well, my make-up runs badly whenever I cry, so I'm gonna need the tissues."
"Great!" shouted Stu. "Then that's everything!"
"I don't know, Stu," said Chas. "La Bohême may have been my first opera, but it was also the first time I wept. Maybe if we brought two boxes of Kleenex instead of just one?"
"Gee, I don't know," Stu replied. "What do you think, guys?"
Needless to say, Drew, Charlotte, Didi, and Lou all turned down Chas' suggestion, noisily.
"You're not wearing make-up, Charles!" cried Didi.
"Stick it in your ear!" said Drew.
Lou shouted, "That's stupid!"
But Melinda didn't make fun of Chas' request.
Inside the opera house, Chas, Melinda, Stu, Didi, Drew, Charlotte, and Lou were all seated, ready to see Puccini's greatest opera in full view of an auditorium full of operagoers, many of whom had been avid opera fans from childhood.
"We're in for a treat to-night, aren't we, Charles?" said Melinda.
"You bet we are, Melinda," said Chas.
Drew turned to Charlotte and said, "I gotta admit, this is my first time seeing this particular opera. I mean, I've heard about it ever since the sixth grade, but I've never seen it before to-night."
Charlotte replied, "Oh, you haven't seen anything yet! I first saw this opera when I was in fifth grade, after I had first wept! You're going to enjoy it!"
Presently, the orchestra played the opening music of La Bohême as Lou whispered to the young adults, "Sh! The opera's starting!"
And the curtain rose to show Rodolfo the poet and Marcello the painter at work…
Meanwhile, at the sports arena, Howard and Betty were busy watching the football game. Betty was eating pork rinds from a bag, while Howard, having brought his knitting equipment, was busy knitting a scarf for the winter.
"Shame our friends had to miss out on this," said Howard to Betty. "This game's going great!"
"I'll say!" said Betty, and she shouted at the players, "Come on, ya big bozos! Go get 'em!"
"Do you think they'll be okay?" asked Howard. "Our friends, I mean, not the players."
Betty replied, "Come on, Howie, opera is just grown men and women playing dress-up and singing in a language you don't even understand. I'm sure they're as right as rain."
And she grabbed some more pork rinds from her bag to eat them…
Two hours later, at the opera house, La Bohême was reaching its end. Mimi, who was dying, was surrounded by her boyfriend Rodolfo, and by Marcello and Musetta. Mimi sang to Rodolfo:
"Qui, amor… sempre con te!
Le mani… al caldo… e dormire…"
And with that, she closed her eyes.
Chas, Melinda, Stu, Didi, Drew, Charlotte, and Lou saw the whole thing. Didi and Melinda each pulled a Kleenex from the box to try to dry her eyes, although Charlotte was using up most of the tissues to prevent her mascara from running.
Rodolfo asked Marcello: "Che ha detto il medico?"
Marcello replied: "Verrà."
Musetta sang a quiet prayer for Mimi:
"Madonna benedetta,
fate la grazia a questa poveretta
che non debba morire…
Qui ci vuole un riparo
perché la fiamma sventola…
Cosi…
E che possa guarire.
Madonna santa, io sono
indegna di perdono,
mentre invece Mimì
è un angelo del cielo."
As Musetta sang, Stu turned to Chas, tears rolling down his face, and said, "I-if anyone ever tells me I cried over an opera, I'll just tell them they're crazy."
Chas replied, his voice broken with emotion, "Just let it out, Stu. Let it out."
Rodolfo asked: "Io spero ancora. Vi pare che sia grave?"
Musetta replied: "Non credo."
But Schaunard the musician approached Marcello and whispered: "Marcello, è spirata."
At this point, Lou began to weep like a father who had lost his child.
Colline the philosopher entered and said: "Musetta, a voi."
Drew could feel tears running down both his cheeks as Charlotte began to sob into his chest.
Meanwhile, onstage, Colline asked Rodolfo, "Come va?"
Rodolfo replied, "Vedi, è tranquilla." But then, he saw that his friends were very sad, and he asked, "Che vuol dire? Quell'andare e venire… Quel guardarmi cosi?"
As the orchestra sounded the fortissimo chords that announced Mimi's death to the audience, Marcello cried out: "Coraggio."
In anguish, Rodolfo, himself in tears, ran to Mimi's bedside and cried out, "MIMI! MIMI!"
By now, the entire audience was weeping, among them Stu, Didi, Drew, Charlotte, Lou, Chas, and Melinda.
"I told you this called for two boxes of Kleenex!" sobbed Chas as he blew his nose into a tissue.
Once the music was over and the curtain fell, everyone rose up and applauded the singers as they emerged for their curtain calls.
"Bravo! Bravo!" cried Chas with tears streaming down his face.
"Bravissimo!" cried Melinda as she smiled through her own tears.
And as soon as they had dried each other's tears, Chas and Melinda kissed each other. For them and all their friends, there was nothing like a sad story that would give them a good cry, which they hadn't had in a long time.
And the singers took their bows as the audiences applauded and shouted with joy.