All characters belong to their respective companies
Dick: Just gonna start killing people I don't find funny
Wally: National Suidcide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255
Dick: Listen here. No one would ever find you. I would make sure of it.
Wally: Now I'm scared
Wally: I can't believe what I did
Dick: Intriguing. What happened?
Wally: I was giving Artemis a hot bowl of soup and my brain tried to say 'careful it's hot' and here's your soup' so I naturally blurted out
'Careful, it's soup.'
Dick: Well at least you warned her
Dick: Frogs are hilarious I mean they're mostly just a mouth but with just enough leg to throw the mouth at food?
Wally: Never thought about it like that
Wally: Working on my five year plan
1.?
2.?
3.?
4?
5. And then they'll be sorry
Wally: What's on your mind?
Dick: I wonder if I've ever bought milk from the same cow twice
Wally: Those must be some gnarly pain killers.
Dick: I'm getting a haircut today
Wally: Which one?
Dick: strand #3452 is looking particularly long
Dick: When the moon hits your knees
And you mispronounce trees
Sycamore
Wally: If I had one dollar for every time I got called beautiful
I would have one dollar. Thanks mom.
Dick: Wow. I can't tell if that's sad or hilarious
Wally: Most people have dreams about getting that one person to like them back or getting their dream job or whatever. But my dreams are always just the most bizarre hodgepodge of nonsense like Mario and Luigi riding a toaster in stormy weather.
Dick: WTF did I just read?
Dick: I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6, and 500 in roman numerals
I M LIVID
Wally: Bruh
Dick: 2050 is as far away as 1990
Wally: No, none of that
Dick: Barbara just told me her biggest flaw as a girl is not being able to french braid her own hair.
Wally: Odd thing to tell me.
Dick: Apparently it's a set back for her
Dick: Every computer needs a 'cleaning keyboard' mode where the keys would be inactive while one whips them down.
Wally: You could just turn the computer off
Dick: I could just what?
Wally: I don't believe in Bigfoot; Because he never believed in me. I'd scan the crowd at my science fairs and I never saw him.
Dick: Ah. Another WTF did I just read.
Dick: Uptown funk would've been in the Shrek soundtrack
Wally: Yeah
Dick: Why don't ants get sick
Wally: idk
Dick: Because they have little antibodies
Wally: My new year's resolution is to lose all domestication and become completely feral
Dick: *Sends picture of gnome
Should I buy this?
Wally: Absolutely
Dick: *Sends picture of himself with the gnome
His name is Gned
Wally: Gnice
Dick: Area 51 is actually a top secret Chucky Cheese for Donald Trump
Wally: LOL What?!
Wally: Since the ocean has meat, salt and veggies in it. It is technically a soup.
Dick: Ummmmmmm… I see several flaws
Wally: Home is where you can trust the toilet
Dick: Well said
Dick: I am body positive. I just got my results back and it confirms I have a body.
Wally: it's kind of a disappointment to be honest, I was kind of hoping you were a ghost
Dick: Every time I talk about milk, I will now clarify 'Not breast milk' because it is completely unnecessary and will make people uncomfortable.
Wally: Eww why? Why are you starting things like this.
Dick: Gonna go start a bar fight to get some cool facial scars.
Wally: I don't think you need to do that to get some cool facial scars but who am I to stop you
Wally: If you want to know how bad marriage is Hitler killed himself after just 40 hours of being married
Dick: I feel like there might've been some other stuff that related but there's really no way to prove that so sure why not.
Dick: Well I need to get going
Wally: Oh, you have plans or something
Dick: No I'd just rather be home
Wally: What if you spelled Jeff Jephph?
Dick: I'm afraid for whatever child you might conjure
Wally: It's been four years since my job interview and I'm starting to suspect they might have picked someone else
Dick: Nah, They might still call
Dick:*Sends picture of ring and pinky finger taped together
Damn
Wally: What did you do this time?
Dick: I put tape on my fingers
Wally: I just poured milk into the washing machine. Sometimes I think I'm an idiot
Dick: Oh I do that all the time
Wally: You pour milk in your washing machine all the time?
Dick: No think you're an idiot
Wally: Did I leave my phone at your place
I put in a drawer
Dick: No
How are you texting me if your phone is here in a random drawer
Wally: Uh
Yes
Goodnight
Dick: Movie concept Sharknado vs storm from xmen. She can control the tornado, but not the sharks
Wally: You are clearly wasting your inheritance by not jumping on this right now.
Wally: Hey
Hey
Wake up
Hey
Hey
Dick: Hey
Wally: Did I wake you up?
Dick: No
Wally: S***
Fall asleep so I can wake you up
Dick: K
Wally: Tell me when you're asleep
Dick: I'm asleep
Wally: WAKEEE UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
Dick: STFU WALLY I'M TRYING TO SLEEP
Dick: WALLY
Dude
Partner
My Man
The longer you don't respond the weirder these get
Pumpkin Spice
Cereal
Pear
Cold McDonalds fries
Curtain Rod
Right Slipper
Disposable Straw
Wally: That's it?
I feel like you're scratching the surface
Wally: Gonna throw a party this weekend
Dick: Don't you need friends to throw a party
Wally: You're my friend
Dick: I am just one person
Wally: Nose
I just typed nose with my nose
Dick: Esophagus
Wally: WTF
Dick are you there
DICK
Dick: Let's fight
Wally: About what
Dick: I dunno. What's your favorite animal?
Wally: Ducks
Dick: F*** ducks
Dick: ()() is not a palindrome but )(() is
Also hi
Wally: Wait
Not its not
The first one is
Why are you lying to me
Wait I need a second
OMG
You're right
How
Wally: Got a mad COTC craving
Dick: What
Wally: COTC craving
Dick: A what
Wally: Corn on the cob
Dick: How
Would I
Know that
Wally: I hate horses right now
Dick: I'm from Gotham I'm immune to horses
Wally: You're
You're what?
Wally: Dark therapist show me illegal coping mechanisms
Dick: That would be a drug dealer
Dick: Filled your house with fog from a from machine I found
Wally: WTF WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!?
Dick: Bored
Wally: Didn't you die
Dick: That was a week ago things change
2020 is already wild. Just in case you didn't already know that