Moxxi's Underdrome
ROLAND: Roland's log. Day 34 on Pandora. Today was a fun and challenging day. And nobody died! Well, except bandits, but nobody cares about them.
LILITH: Hey, uh, Roland? Do you know where Mordecai went?
ROLAND: I think he went to go talk with Moxxi, why?
LILITH: He's been gone for a while now. You think he's alright.
BRICK: Oh he's more than alright. He's getting down tonight.
LILITH: What do you mea- oh. Oooooooh. Well, uh… lucky him I guess.
ROLAND: I would warn him to be careful around her, but I think he knows. I should clarify who I'm talking about. Moxxi, who playfully calls herself 'Mad Moxxi', is a… very beautiful woman who has started up a trio of colosseum arenas that promises to be the best challenge on Pandora for any badasses looking to test themselves. Given we had nothing better to do and are certified world-saving badasses, we figured we should give it a shot. And unlike some of the less professional arena challenges we've done, this one is actually rather fun.
LILITH: She did a good job making it interesting instead of just throwing lots of guys with guns at us all at once. Isn't that right Chuck?
ROLAND: Screw him, Moxxi is a thousand times better as a host. And the rewards for completing each challenge is an advanced tech program support that is freely programmable, letting us custom develop new skills to use. And I have a few ideas on what to do for myself.
LILITH: [laughs ominously] Oh I have plans too…
BRICK: Lils, don't scare me like that. I already know how dangerous you are. I don't want to have nightmares of what you'll come up with.
LILITH: Oh? Think I'm dangerous Brick?
BRICK: You are the only one of us I could come to fear.
LILITH: I… will chose to take that as a compliment.
BRICK: It is.
ROLAND: I'm going to stay out of that one. Anyway, the way Moxxi made her challenges interesting is by mixing things up every so often. She has introduced a lot of tech programs to both her arenas and to the enemies, as well as a few temporary programs installed in our gear. Some of the programs will buff the bad guys, some will hamper us in some way, and others will alter the flow of the fighting. It's a good system… when she's not exploiting certain traits a bit too much.
LILITH: That vampire perk was a bit cruel, I think. Like, the feeling of it draining you is creepy as all hell. Plus it itches.
BRICK: Drawing blood without earning it urks me.
ROLAND: The arenas themselves were rather interesting as well. Hellburbia was a mishmash of different environments and locales. Angelic Ruins is mostly based on the Eridian Promatory near the Vault, and even has some guardians in it. No idea how she managed to get them in here. Last is the Gully, a multi-level arena that has high and low ends connected by some warp-portals. Overall, nice arenas, really enjoy them.
LILITH: What I want to know is where she's getting all the enemies she's filling these places up with.
ROLAND: The bandits are an easy enough answer. From what I recall she said she hired a bunch of bandits to fight in her arena, putting them in restricted access to the New-U system.
LILITH: Wait, so… you're saying we were killing the same bandits over and over again?
ROLAND: Yes, we were.
LILITH: Who would agree to do that?
BRICK: People desperate for money. And a chance to fight and die without actually staying dead.
LILITH: Eh, guess you have a point. But what about the bosses then?
ROLAND: That I'm less sure on, but from what I can tell she found a way to take their New-U applications, each of which was denied by the way, and turn those into actual accounts. Incidentally, that's why none of the bandit lords remembered us from before we got to the arenas. From what they remember, we never killed them.
LILITH: Huh. That's… kinda weird actually. And the animals?
ROLAND: Well, since animals can't be brought back by New-U stations, Moxxi has to breed those. Which is why she went for skags. There's never a shortage on skags.
LILITH: She really planned this all out, didn't she?
ROLAND: It's a clever system. Anyway, we took part in each challenge at least once, though apparently Moxxi is working on a much longer challenge we can take part in eventually, one that will name us the top badass on Pandora. Which I'd like to win.
LILITH: Yeah, no way. I'm totally winning that title.
BRICK: Challenge accepted.
[echo call comes in]
MORDECAI: Hey guys, whatchu talking about?
ROLAND: We were discussing who would win the top badass challenge. How about you?
MORDECAI: [laughs] Oh I'm not worried about that. I've won my own challenge over here…
MOXXI: Mordecai, come back over here. I'm not done for the night.
MORDECAI: Coming, babe! See you guys later, good night.
ROLAND: You too.
[call ends]
LILITH: Huh. Good for him.
BRICK: I'm jealous, but only a little.
ROLAND: I'm not. Moxxi is nice, but… she's not the woman I have my eye on.
LILITH: Oh? And who would that be?
ROLAND: Can't tell. It's a secret.
LILITH: Uh huh, sure. Look, as long as it isn't Tannis, I really don't care.
ROLAND: Yeah, no, definitely not her. She's…
BRICK: Crazy? Nutso?
ROLAND: Yes, but also just not my type anyway. I prefer a… fighter.
LILITH: Well that doesn't surprise me.
ROLAND: Anyway, I think that's all for tonight. Signing off.