Chapter Eighteen

All That we Seem

Zuko stared out the window, watching as the golden tumescent orb of the sun sank lazily below the horizon, and bathed the palace gardens in a mix of shadows and slanted evening light. His friends were conversing behind him, their voices a tangle of indecipherable words. He supposed he could make more of an effort to join in on their conversation, but Zuko's mind was drifting so far away, even he wasn't sure he would be able to reel it in long enough to tame his thoughts. For, he was thinking about Katara and wondering where her heart was. Since he'd confessed his feelings to her in the Dragonbone Catacombs, her response was all he was able to think about. Zuko was not a patient man by nature, but for her he was willing to try.

Zuko leaned forward, resting his shoulder against the windowpane and sighed. He knew she wanted to be with him, but was that 'wanting' enough to make her want to give up the life she had in Kyoshi? Zuko knew she was meant for a life greater than what she could cultivate there, but he in no way wanted to push her in making a decision that would sway her from the path she chose.

"Hey," a soft voice broke the din of his thoughts, and Zuko glanced over his shoulder to see the fair Kyoshi warrior standing behind him with a small smile on her face. "I'm worried about your face," Suki told him.

Zuko frowned. "What's wrong with my face?"

"Well, you know I've heard that if you scowl for more than a minute straight, you risk getting your expression stuck like that permanently–not to mention the wrinkles."

Zuko watched Suki's lower lip twitch in amusement, and though his temper had slightly spiked, he knew she was only teasing him. He made a concentrated effort to relax his features as he angled his body towards hers.

"What's got you so down in the dumps, Fire Lord Zuko?" She nudged him in the arm.

"It's nothing Suki, I'm fine. I'm probably just tired–or something."

"Or something," Suki repeated. She shifted, leaning against the wall as she crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm a pretty good listener if you want to talk about it." She dropped her gaze from his face and picked at her thumbnail. "Something happened down in the catacombs with Katara, didn't it?"

Zuko's attention snapped to Suki's face. Nervously, he cast a sideways glance at Sokka and Toph who were sitting across the room just to make sure they hadn't overheard.

"Don't worry about them," Suki said, catching on rather quickly to his train of thought. "They're arguing about nicknames again so their attention is fully occupied."

"How did you–"

"–Know?" Suki guessed. "Kyoshi warriors are trained in the art of mental perception as well as physical strength," she told him. "Know your opponent. Know what they are thinking before they make a move so you can counter it." She shrugged. "It's second nature for me."

How very inconvenient for him, Zuko thought. Zuko wasn't the type to talk about his feelings; just saying how he felt to Katara had been a task in and of itself. He didn't know where to begin or what to say, so he just gazed down and Suki with pinched lips.

"Katara hasn't been herself since the war ended," Suki spoke softly. "After we settled into a peaceful new routine in Kyoshi, it was like the fire had died inside her. I hated seeing her that way–a ghost of herself in Katara shaped skin." Suki paused. "We all suffered in some way, but her suffering was so visible and it hurt me to see her that way."

Zuko tilted his head, listening patiently while she spoke.

"I knew something was missing, Zuko, I just didn't know what, or even how to help her." Suki glanced up, locking gazes with the Fire Lord. "I don't know what the two of you must have gone through in order to get us back, but whatever it was has awoken something inside her. The fire is back, and, I guess I just wanted you to know I'm grateful. It's been a long time since I've seen her this way, and I have a feeling you're the reason why."

Still, Zuko could not find it within himself to speak. He let Suki's words sink in until what she said resonated with meaning.

"Did she tell you about her nightmares?"

"She did."

Suki nodded. "I think," Suki said, "that the universe has been trying to get you two back together for a while now. Destiny has a funny way of intervening."

Zuko was about to ask her to elaborate, but the door opened up and Katara and Aang strolled back inside the common room.

"Just promise me you'll take care of her," Suki said in a quiet tone.

Zuko didn't hesitate. "I promise."

~xXx~

"Okay, it's my turn with Katara," Suki announced with a smile. She practically skipped her way over to the waterbender and linked her arm through Katara's at the elbow.

"Oh sure," Toph complained from her spot on the couch. "This is going to be just like that time everyone got to take a life-changing fieldtrip with Zuko, only I got left out."

"Toph, considering the progression of each of those 'fieldtrips', I think there's a solid chance the two of you would have ended up in prison," Sokka said.

Toph snorted. "I'd pretend to be offended, but I'm not."

"Just remember what the doctor said," Zuko reminded Suki. "She still needs to rest."

"Don't worry Zuko, I won't keep her forever." Suki winked at the Fire Lord and turned Katara around to head back out into the hall. "Want to walk in the gardens?"

"That would actually be pretty great," Katara said. She and Aang had strolled through the palace halls, but Katara thought the fresh air would do her some good. The sun had set, and the sky was the color of indigo, dotted with the first of the night's silver stars. Crickets chirruped from their hidden places in the grass, filling the night with their melancholy songs. It was a pleasantly warm night, Katara noted as she breathed in the subtle fragrance of jasmine.

"It's beautiful out here," Suki said. "They must have every flower imaginable."

"All except for the Panda Lily," Katara guessed.

"Ah, well, except for that of course," Suki agreed. The flower was said to bloom atop a volcano under the most specific conditions which made the rare plant all the more exquisite. "So, are you going to tell me what you and Aang talked about?"

Katara rolled her eyes. "There's a reason I wanted to speak with him alone," Katara said, trying to sound more stubborn than Suki would let her get away with.

"Yeah, but, I'm your best friend and you always tell me everything anyway." She bumped her shoulder lightly against her side. "Zuko told me you finally told him about your nightmares."

"Did you pry that out of him, too?" Katara giggled. They'd reached a small pond that was lined with smooth, round stones and sweeping ornamental grasses that fanned out around it. Lily pads with white flowers sat immobile on the glassy surface; the starlight reflecting in the water. There was a semicircular stone bench placed in front of the pond, and Katara untangled herself from Suki's arm to sink down on its surface.

"I have my tactics," Suki said as she sat down beside her friend.

"Oh, I'm well aware of your tactics."

"Which is why you know I won't relent until you tell me everything." Suki grinned.

Katara stretched out her legs, using her arms to prop herself on the edge of the bench as she gazed at the pond water at her feet. She flicked her wrist, drawing a small amount of water from the pond as she absently swirled designs through the air. "Suki, I don't really know where to begin… This whole experience has brought light to so much in my life–so much that I've been missing and I guess I just don't know what to do."

"You mean because you're falling in love with the Fire Lord?"

Katara lost control over the stream of water she was bending. It dropped against the surface of the pond with a splash, spraying the hem of her robe.

Suki laughed. "Oh come on Katara. Toph is blind and I'm pretty sure even she can see that something has changed between the two of you."

A flush warmed Katara's neck, crawling up to redden the tips of her ears. "Am I really that transparent?"

"It's not a matter of transparency," Suki told her. The Kyoshi warrior bent to pluck a blade of grass from the ground and twirled it between her fingers. "There's just a light in you that hasn't been visible for a long time and I'm happy to see it returned." She shrugged.

"He wants me to stay," Katara said.

"And, do you want to?"

Yes, Katara thought. The thought both exhilarated and frightened her at once. To Suki she said, "What would a girl like me even do in the Fire Nation? Zuko is royalty… To everyone here, I'm just known as the Avatar's waterbender. I don't know what my place would be…"

Suki only smiled. "You didn't answer my question."

Katara turned to face her friend, biting her lower lip. "I want to stay with him," she admitted softly.

"Katara," Suki covered the back of Katara's hand with her palm, "Zuko sees you as his equal–you understand that don't you? He's not going to assign you some commoner job because you're a quote-unquote waterbender."

Katara lifted an eyebrow. "You did not just say, 'quote-unquote' in an actual sentence."

"The point is," Suki continued, ignoring her, "Zuko knows your worth, Katara. If he loves you like I believe he does, then your place in the Fire Nation will be at his side… You'll be a queen, Katara. You can do pretty much anything you want to do."

Katara shoved up from her spot on the bench fast enough to make her head swirl. "Whoa, I think that's just a little too soon for talk like that. I'm just trying to figure out if a relationship can actually work with him… I'm not trying to be a-a–" Katara trailed off, unable to actually say the word 'queen.' Heat blossomed in her cheeks when she thought of Zuko telling her (not long ago) that he thought she would, in fact, make a good queen.

Suki giggled. "Okay Katara… I'm just speaking futuristically. You guys will figure things out as you go along."

Katara tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and slowly sank down on the bench beside Suki. "Yeah," she said, "I guess you're right."

"Of course I am." Suki rolled her shoulders upwards. "You want my advice?" The Kyoshi warrior didn't give her a chance to respond–Katara was getting that advice whether she wanted it or not. "Stay here with him until the wedding. You can test the water so to speak, and if things aren't going like you thought they would, then you can always just come back to Kyoshi where you'll always have a home."

"Oh, no, Suki, I couldn't leave you to handle the rest of the wedding preparations by yourself," Katara protested.

"You wouldn't be," Suki insisted. "My mom will be there to help out, and believe it or not, your brother has actually been very supportive. There's really not that much left to do Katara. Besides, we're ready to get back to the Island. You need to stay with Zuko without the rest of us here to annoy and pester you so you can get a good feel for what it's like."

Katara swallowed, eyebrows contorting heavily.

"Don't give me that look," Suki said, reaching out to grasp her shoulder. "Anything unfamiliar is going to be frightening, but you're one of the strongest people I know Katara. You've traveled the whole world and fought to save it. I think you can handle a couple of weeks alone with the Fire Lord. I mean, honestly… that doesn't sound half bad to me. He's always been good looking, but have you seen his jawline? Not to mention those arms. I mean, he's totally swoon-worthy."

"Ohmygoodness," Katara rushed out on one breath, slapping a palm over her eyes as she squeezed them shut. "You," Katara said, "already have a man to drool over, so don't be drooling over mine."

Suki laughed and bumped her arm into Katara's shoulder. "I'm just saying he's quite the catch, Katara."

"That I'm well aware of." She shook her head and sighed. "I just hope it's not too soon considering everything that happened with Aang."

"Hey," Suki said, "you guys have been distant with each other for a long time. The love changed, and that's okay. Don't worry about what anyone else has to say, Katara. You know your heart, and Aang does too."

Katara nodded. "Believe it or not, I actually feel a lot… better–for having talked with you."

"Well of course you do." Suki smiled. "I'm always going to be here for you Katara. Where we are in the world will never change that. You'll always have a home in Kyoshi, okay? We're family."

"Yeah," Katara grinned, "we are."

~xXx~

They returned to the common room about thirty minutes later and found Toph and Sokka playing a board game with Aang supervising. Katara's gaze swept the room but Zuko was nowhere to be seen. "Where's Zuko?" she asked, a slight frown creasing her brow.

"General Iroh came to get him," Sokka answered. "I think he had some important Fire Lord duties to get back to or something."

"Oh," Katara said. She was surprised that he would just leave without coming to find her, but then again, he was the Fire Lord… His station required snap-fire decision-making and Katara knew she wasn't going to be privy to every ounce of information that skirted across his desk, so to speak. She just hoped that everything was okay–especially considering it was night time. Then again, it wasn't like there were set hours for his duties.

"I guess that means you're off the hook, Sugar Queen. The Fire Lord isn't here to make you get your precious rest," Toph told her. Her hand shot out, grasping the back of Sokka's wrist as he tried to stealthily move a wooden piece across the board. "Nice try but I can sense your vibrations you dirty rotten cheater."

"Oh give me a break," Sokka complained. "You're murdering me at this game."

"I'm not sure why that surprises you," Toph retorted.

Aang chuckled. "It is getting late," he said. "I think I'm going to head to the stables to check on Appa and then I'm going to bed. I'll see you guys in the morning."

"Allow me to escort you," Sokka volunteered. He jumped up so quickly that he knocked the pieces of his game over and toppled the board. "Oops."

"Yeah, yeah," Toph mumbled, crossing her arms, "that still counts as a loss, Captain Boomerang."

"Don't be long Sokka, I'm tired, too," Suki said.

"Right, like we don't all know what that means." Toph snorted and elbowed Sokka in the ribs.

Now it was Katara's turn to laugh. A sensation of warmth flooded through her chest at seeing all her friends safely back together like this. Things were so different now, but Katara knew their bond went deeper than most people would ever be able to understand. No matter what happened, they would always be a family.

"What about you Katara–are you up for taking me on in a round?" Toph asked.

"I know you'll beat me," Katara said. "Besides, I really do need to get back in bed before that healer guy comes around to check on me."

"Sounds like you're scared," Toph teased.

"Oh leave her be, Toph." Suki poked the earthbender in the cheek with an index finger, which was quickly smacked away.

"I'll see you guys at breakfast," Katara said. The group headed their separate ways and Katara hugged the robe to her chest as she walked through the halls, trying to remember the twist and turns that would take her back to the Fire Lord's chambers. Vaguely, she wondered if she would still be allowed in his quarters now that she was awake, but it was a risk she was willing to take. The worst that could happen was she'd be sent to Ursa's old quarters right across the hall.

Finally, Katara made it to the Fire Lord's chambers and paused to knock on the thick mahogany door. She waited for a reply, but never received one. Perhaps he was still with his uncle. Katara cast a glance over her shoulder before grasping the handle and pushing the door open just a fraction. "Zuko?" she said, heart racing.

She frowned when she caught sight of his figure slumped in a chair near the window. His elbows were propped on his knees; his hands cradling his face. His hair hung over his forehead, scrunched through his fingers in a way that blocked her from being able to see his face. Tentatively, Katara stepped into the room, closing the heavy door behind her as she made her way across the room to stand in front of his feet. "Zuko?" she said his name again.

The Fire Lord looked up slowly, but Katara thought the look in his amber eyes was distant–as if he'd been far away and out of her reach just moments before. "Katara," he said her name, blinking in recognition to the present. "I'm sorry. I didn't hear you come in."

Concern tightened her chest as Katara knelt in front of him, taking his cold hands in hers and squeezed with reassuring strength. "What happened?"

"It's Meili," Zuko said. "She was screaming in her prison cell, demanding to speak to me." Zuko paused as his eyebrow furrowed. "Uncle–he went to see her instead. She… She told him that my mother was alive..." Zuko looked up, meeting Katara's gaze with a mixture of fear and hope swirling in the depths of his golden irises. "She says she knows where to find her."

Ooph. I'm sorry to leave you guys with a chapter of what seems like mostly emotional filler. The slower-moving scenes are always kind of a pain to write, but sometimes those chapters are necessary for character development. Hopefully I made up for it a little at the end. Haha. I may also have actually yelled, "PLOT TWIST" out loud after I finished writing it. ;P

Fear not. Your "M" rated scene will be just around the corner. I'm hoping to have the next chapter up before Christmas, but just in case I don't - I'm wishing you all the happiest of holidays in whatever you celebrate. (Where the heck are you guys from, anyway?) All I know is that it's cold in Ohio and I'm hoping the snow sticks for a while.

As always, thank you for reading and for leaving me your thoughts/reviews. You guys are the best!

~Sparrow