XVII: The Unforgiven

~Clary~

It's been three days since Daryl and Connie took off after Henry, three days after Daryl left despite promising me that he wouldn't. Tara was the only one he told that he was leaving. He promised to meet us at the Kingdom for the Fair, which begins tomorrow.

We've split into two groups, Alden's group taking one route to the Kingdom check if it's still clear. We take an alternate one, eyes peeled for the skins. I ride on Slick near the wagon, making small talk with Kelly to ease both of our nerves over our siblings being out here somewhere. I notice that Kelly signs some words as she says them, so I ask her, "Would you be willing to teach me?"

"Teach you what?" Kelly asks.

"Sign," I reply. "I'd like to be able to communicate with you and Connie better."

"Of course," Kelly says with a nod. As we ride, the others making small talk as well, Kelly starts teaching me the basics. It's a day's ride from Hilltop to the Kingdom, giving Kelly enough time to teach me the basics.

"Clary!" Tara calls back after a while, and Kelly and I both look ahead at her voice.

"I'll be back," I promise, urging Slick to the front and joining up with Tara. "Oh, I don't like this one bit."

Ahead of us, a tree has fallen across the road. "It doesn't look like it was cut down," Tara observes as others join us. "Must've fallen during the storm. We've gotta get the road cleared."

"We'll set up a perimeter," Yumiko volunteers. Tara agrees with a nod, and Yumiko takes off to gather Gage, Rodney, and Addy to help her keep watch. I climb off of Slick, tying him to one of the wagons before aiding the others in clearing the road.

Tara passes a branch off to me as Kelly approaches her, greeting, "Hey. Is there anything I can do? I'm… I'm kind of going crazy over here."

Tara nods. "Of course. Connie's gonna be okay, alright? She's with Daryl."

Tara walks off, grabbing another branch and continuing to clear the road. Yumiko catches Kelly's arm, telling her, "More like Daryl's gonna be okay—he's with Connie."

Magna steps in next, assuring Kelly, "They're gonna catch up with that kid and meet us at the Fair. They're probably already waiting for us."

Kelly grins as Magna walks off, and I pause next to her on my way to another branch. "If Connie's anything like you, she's perfectly fine. Daryl's a lot like me. They've got each other's backs, and I've got yours." Kelly grins, fist bumping me when I hold up my hand. "C'mon. You can help haul or chop—choice is yours."

We keep working, finishing up just as Yumiko and Magna run to meet us, calling, "Tara, Clary! We got sickos on the way!"

"How many?" Tara questions.

"Maybe ten?" Yumiko guesses. "It's hard to tell. They're coming out of the trees."

"We can handle 'em," Kelly declares.

"Yeah, but it could be those psychos in the skin suits," Tara counters.

"Earl, hitch the horses," I order, and he nods. "Kal, Oscar, you're with the rest of us. Gage, Addy, Rodney—guard the wagon. Stay sharp. Let's go."

Kal and Oscar stay towards the back as Tara and I take the lead, Yumiko, Magna, and Kelly spreading out behind us. I comment, "Miko, that's a lot more than ten."

"There were ten at first," Yumiko replies. "Watch their hands. Keep your eyes open for weapons."

We start taking them on, reducing their numbers to just a handful by the time there's shouting from the others. "C'mon!" I bark. "There's trouble at the wagon!"

The others follow me as I run for the wagon, arriving to shove a walker away from Addy before it grabs her, and she kills it. She gives me a nod of thanks, and I draw my extra dagger as more emerge from the woods.

"Circle up!" I order. "Back to back!"

We form a circle around one of the wagons, the walkers stumbling towards us. I look in the direction of the Kingdom as riders approach, a group of men that I don't recognize. They climb off their horses, charging into battle against the dead. Tara questions, "Who the hell are you guys?"

Their leader, a guy in a cowboy hat with a voice like Sam Elliott's, answers, "We're the Highwaymen."

With their help, we take down the rest of the walkers. We all take a moment to catch our breath, and I untie Slick, not wanting to stick around much longer. We got lucky this time that the skins weren't in the midst, but the next time, we might not be. I turn to the Highwaymen's leader, telling him, "Thanks for the assist, Eastwood."

Their leader tips his hat. "My pleasure, ma'am. That's what we're here to do. Keep you safe as we escort you to the fair."

"Well, in that case," I say, climbing on Slick's back. "Let's ride."

"Lady Cheyenne!" Ezekiel booms, his arms held wide as I approach. "Your return to the Kingdom was eagerly anticipated!"

"Your Majesty," I reply, nearly suffocating in Ezekiel's tight embrace. "It's been far too long."

"It's been nearly a year since you and Jesus visited us here." Ezekiel releases me, looking around. "Where is our friend?"

I step back, swallowing before saying, "Paul… Paul was murdered. They wore the dead's skin as a mask to hide amongst them."

"A murder most foul," Ezekiel comments, his voice low. "Strange and unnatural."

"And there's more out there."

"Oh, Clary," Carol says softly, hugging me. "I'm so sorry."

"We captured one. Lydia. She's Henry's age. We traded her for Alden and Luke, but Henry went out after her. Daryl and Connie went out after him." I pull away from Carol, knowing that Henry definitely would've been with his parents. "They're not here yet?" The monarchy shakes their heads. "And neither is Alden's group?"

Another shake. My heart skips a beat.

"We'll get caught up later," I promise. "I have to go find Alden. A group that big is bound to attract attention."

"I'll accompany you," Ezekiel volunteers.

"No," I object. "I'll be quicker on my own. Y'all get ready for the Fair. Keep an eye for Daryl's group. If they're not here when I get back... we'll figure it out then."

I swing myself onto Slick, turning him around and heading for the gate. Dianne opens it for me without a word, and I take off on the road leading away from the Kingdom. We've redrawn maps since we lost Rick, showing roads that were accessible and taking obstacles such as the fallen bridge into account. The main stretch of road that leads to the Kingdom was dubbed the Kingsroad by yours truly, and Ezekiel, dramatic as always, wasn't one to object to the name change.

About six miles out on the Kingsroad, I halt Slick as we come across a caravan. The wagon in the lead slows to a stop as I reach them, Slick trotting back and forth across the road as I search for Alden.

"Alden!" I call, not able to spot the blonde anywhere, my heart beginning to race. "Alden!"

Alden appears at the back of the group, maneuvering his horse around the wagons to ride up to join me. "Hey, short stack," he greets. "What're you doing out here?"

"You should've been there before us," I say, my heartbeat slowly returning to a normal rate now that I know Alden wasn't hurt. "I was worried."

"Oh, I'm sorry. The kids were getting restless, so we stopped for a bit so they could stretch their legs."

"Don't do this to me again, Alden! You scared the hell outta me. And Daryl and Connie still aren't back with Henry, at least not when I left the Kingdom."

"Hey, it's your brother. They'll be alright. Knowing him, he probably got hung up rooting through a store looking for parts to build another motorcycle for Frankenstein's monster." I let out a chuckle. "See? You know I'm right." Alden looks away from me, a grin spreading across his face. "Clary, I do believe you have an admirer."

I turn, following his gaze. Below me, a kid from the Hilltop, no older than eight, stands with wildflowers in his hands. He extends them towards me, and I ask, "Oh, Jaime, are these for me?"

He nods, too shy to speak, blushing. Jaime had taken to following me around Hilltop these past couple weeks, infatuated after he saw me take on a handful of walkers just outside the gate to save him and his mother while they were on an afternoon stroll. Alden chuckles, explaining, "He picked 'em when we stopped earlier to give them to you. Jaime, what were you going to tell her?"

"Alden helped me," Jaime says. "So he could say they're from both of us."

I slide off of Slick to accept the flowers. "Jaime, these are beautiful. I love 'em." I look up at Alden. "Jealous, pretty boy?"

Alden scoffs. "We need to keep moving."

I usher Jaime back to his mother, who rides in one of the first couple wagons. Suddenly, in warning, Alden shouts, "Clary!"

I spin around when I hear a whisper behind me, a knife being unsheathed. I come face to face with one of the skins, and I push Jaime behind me, far more concerned with keeping him safe than taking my revenge. Before the skin can even make a move, a spear appears in its head and the body drops.

I turn back around to face Jaime, offering the flowers he gave me. "Jaime, can you hang onto these for me until we get to the Kingdom? I gotta deal with this." He nods, taking them. "Alright, run to your momma."

Jaime takes off, his mother reaching for his hand and pulling him up into the wagon with her. She gives me a nod of thanks, a silent, Thanks for protecting him.

"You alright?" Alden questions. I turn back at the sound of his voice, finding him on foot, his horse with mine, as he retrieves his spear.

"Jaime's alright," I answer.

Alden takes my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze before he whispers, "I wasn't asking about Jaime."

"I'm okay, Alden," I assure him. I glance around him at the skin's body, it just now hitting me that it wasn't a walker that he killed but a person, however inhuman they may be. I look back up at Alden. "Thank you."

He nods. "Come on. Where there's one, there's more."

Marco reaches us, quickly halting his horse as he comments, "Holy shit, they really do come out of nowhere."

"And you never know it's them until it's too late," I add. "Look, we need to check the woods. I don't want them following us to the Kingdom."

Alden turns to Marco, inquiring, "Marco, can you keep them moving? Clary and I will check the woods, make sure they're clear, then catch up."

"You got it," Marco agrees. He takes the lead as Alden and I climb back on our horses, weapons at the ready as we venture into the woods from the side the skin stepped out of.

"Clary, are you… really okay?" Alden questions, looking over at me.

"I think I should be asking you if you're okay," I return. "First being captured by them, and then killing one to save me? However animalistic they are… that was still a person you killed. Alden, as long as I've known you, I've never seen you kill anyone."

"I think the world should learn that nothing fucks with my baby," Alden replies with a shrug. "Whether I'm the one in danger or you are, I think we're a bit of a force to be reckoned with."

I can't help but give him a smile. "I'm your baby?"

Alden's cheeks go pink. "Well, I-I-I mean, yeah? We're together now, right?" I nod. "Well, then, yeah, I guess so. Is that okay?"

"Alden, baby, it is more than okay," I assure him. I get as close to him as I can with our horses between us, Alden leaning over to meet me, pressing his lips to mine.

It's Slick that pulls me away.

He spins, rearing and throwing me. Alden's there, catching me as I fall back into his lap. I look up, searching for what freaked Slick out, only to find a skin in front of him. Their knife is drawn, advancing on my horse but staying out of the way of his hooves. I grab my knife, throwing it and sinking it into the head of the skin.

Slick settles down, the skin dead. I can tell he's still a bit on edge, and he definitely isn't the only one. Alden looks down at me, questioning, "You alright?"

"Yeah. Just glad you were here and not a damn cliff. Also, note to self—no more making out in the woods when skins can be on us at any second."

"Yeah, that might've been a bad idea," Alden agrees. He helps me down from his horse, and I take my knife from the skin's head before climbing back on Slick.

I stroke his neck, trying to further calm him, telling him, "Hey, don't throw me again, asshole." Slick skitters, keeping the two of us away from the skin's body. "It's alright, Slick. He's dead. We're okay." I lean forward, pressing a kiss to his neck. "You did good. We're okay now."

"Let's get back to the others," Alden suggests, looking around the woods. "I don't want to stay out here much longer."

We make our way back to the caravan, Marco riding towards us when we emerge from the woods. "Are they clear?" Marco questions.

"They are for now," I answer. "Let's just get to the Kingdom."

"If you guys take point, I'll go to the back," Marco volunteers. "Watch our asses."

Alden nods, and Marco takes over keeping watch from the rear while Alden and I lead the caravan down the Kingsroad. We ride mostly in silence, making the occasional small talk, both of us keeping a close eye for movement in the woods. Alden tears his eyes away from the trees, turning to me as he questions, "How were the roads for you guys?"

"Don't even get me started on fuckin' Eastwood and his crew."

~Kelly~

Clary and I walk side by side through the Kingdom's streets, lanterns beginning to light the way as the sun sets.

"It's not that I don't think she's capable," I say, glancing over at Clary as she tugs her flannel closer to her body. It's large on her—it has to be someone else's. "It's that I'd rather be out there, right next to Connie, because then I'd know she's okay."

"I get that," Clary tells me, nodding. "Daryl and I have always had each other's backs."

I study her shirt for a moment. "Is that his?"

"Yeah," she answers. "It's, uh, it's his. Daryl and me, we got into a pretty bad fight a couple years ago. He was always outside the walls, looking for Rick or his body, and I'd go out to see him. Daryl didn't like me putting myself in danger. That's why we fought—he wanted me safe and I wanted to see him. He basically told me to stop coming out after him. Daryl broke my heart, and I couldn't face him. I didn't see him again for three years and it hurt like hell."

"I couldn't imagine not seeing Connie for that long."

"I could never bring myself to go after him, even though I missed him so damn much. He didn't want to see me. This shirt, it doesn't smell like him, but it was his, and that made me feel better. I started wearing it whenever I missed him… which was a lot. Then, he came back. He promised to never leave me again, but…"

"He and Connie went out after Henry," I finish.

"Look, Kelly, I don't want you to worry. If there's one thing that Daryl's good at, it's protecting people. He'll do anything. Connie is safe with him, I swear."

"I believe you," I assure her. "But I still want to go out and look for them tomorrow. We can't look tonight in the dark. We didn't find anything when the girls and I snuck out after Luke, we won't find anything leading to them."

"Okay," Clary agrees. "Tomorrow, you and me. But tonight, I need a damn drink."

~Clary~

I sit in silence, not playing anything, my drink resting on the lid of the grand piano, my armor on the bench beside me. People flow in and out of the foyer, but I hardly notice them as I take another drink. Someone asks, "Hey, why don't you play us something?"

I snap back to reality, asking, "What?"

"Play us a song, piano man," Jerry repeats.

"Oh, um," I say, closing my eyes as I think for a minute. My finger falls on a low E, and I bring my right hand down, rolling with it. I press octave As with my left hand, using my right to play the melody to "The Unforgiven." My fingers play on their own, my mind preoccupied with the sins of my past. Everything I've done, everything I've seen. Those that I've killed, those that I lost.

"They all haunt you," Jesus whispers in my ear, and I feel tears coming to my eyes at his voice. "We all haunt you. We are all what might have been. You battle constantly, but it's a fight you cannot win."

I can't take it anymore. The guilt of the dead, the fear of the ones that I love in danger.

I hold a chord, letting it ring out and fade. I close the fallboard over the keys, my breaths shaking. Footsteps approach from my right, but before anyone gets a chance to speak, I say, "Out."

No one moves.

I shoot to my feet, shouting, "All of you, get out! Go!"

They all exit the foyer, leaving me alone. Well, as alone as I can get without my ghosts.

"You aren't real," I say, turning on my heel to face Jesus.

"No, I'm not," Jesus says. "Neither is Carl."

"You know that," Carl adds. "You know that we're gone, but you still see us. It's because you can't let go."

"It's because this is the closest you can get to death without actually dying."

I close my eyes, turning away now. It's the first I've seen Carl's ghost in years, and it's the first I've seen Jesus's ghost at all. I grab my drink from the piano, downing the rest of it. I rush out of the foyer, running from my ghosts, as I make my decision about what I'm going to do with what remains of my life.

I stop outside Alden's room, composing myself. I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand, taking a breath. I poke my head inside Alden's room. He sits cross-legged in a chair by the window, reading a book. I glance over my shoulder to make sure no one's watching me before leaning inside, softly saying, "Knock knock. Can we talk?"

"Hey, come on in," Alden says, immediately putting his book down. I step inside, closing the door behind me and leaning back against it. "Everything okay? You seem a little worried."

I admit, "It's Daryl, this whole Henry thing. Daryl going out after him. Crossing into their lands and still not back yet. It's got me nervous."

"You know the drill. Sit." Alden gestures to his bed, and I walk over, kicking my shoes off and folding my legs under me. Alden takes one of my hands in his, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles. "Talk to me, sweet summer rose. What's going on?"

"Daryl's out there, Alden. And…" I sigh, not wanting to but knowing that I have to. "And I have to go after him, all the while knowing that it's really dangerous. As in, 'it'll be a miracle if we make it back alive' dangerous." I bow my head, kissing the back of Alden's hand. "I don't know if I'm gonna make it back, pretty boy."

Alden doesn't reply, and when I look up, I find that he's staring at me. He looks at me as if he'll never see me again, and to be quite honest, I don't know if he will. "Oh, I knew you'd go out," Alden says after a moment, shaking his head. "You still have your dagger?"

"Of course," I reply, unsheathing it. "I wouldn't go anywhere without it."

"When you go out, use it," Alden requests, similar to the way he had when he first gave it to me. "Keep yourself safe. Make it back."

For all I know, this could be my last night on earth.

I put the dagger on Alden's nightstand. I climb into his lap, straddling him as I cup his face in my hands. Alden sits back as I lean down, closing my eyes as I kiss him. Alden lets out a little gasp of surprise. We've only kissed a handful of times— stolen kisses here and there, hidden in the shadows; a linkage of pinkies underneath the table; hands lingering just a moment too long when we pass something to each other.

"I might be a little rusty," I admit. The last time I had done anything even remotely sexual was when I reprised my role as Sherrie last year—after Jerry suggested that our tri-community acting troupe do a production of Rock of Ages—with Jesus as Stacee and Alden as Drew.

"I don't care," Alden replies, moving to my neck. I moan softly as he finds a sensitive spot, running my hands over his biceps. Alden wraps his arms around my waist, moving back to my lips. He bites my lip, his hands skimming the edge of my shirt. "Maybe I was a little jealous, another guy giving you flowers."

"So do something about it," I challenge in between kisses. I pull Alden's shirt off as he starts unbuttoning mine, tossing his shirt over my shoulder. I slide my flannel off my arms, letting it drop to the floor, and Alden removes the shirt I had on underneath it. Alden works his way down my jaw and neck, sucking along my collarbone. He wraps his arms around my waist, his fingers skimming the scars scattered along my back, tracing the X before traveling lower. He grips my ass as I grind against him, moaning into my mouth as I kiss him. He stands, taking me with him. He walks me over to his bed, gently lowering me onto his bed and crawling on top of me.

Alden pauses, looking down at me as he questions, "You sure?"

I reach between us, unbuckling his belt. I lean up, purring in his ear, "Shut up and kiss me."

"Al, baby," I say softly. "You up?"

"Yeah," Alden mumbles from where his face is pressed into my shoulder. He lifts his head, movements sluggish due to his drowsiness. "What's up?"

"I want you to know, I hate going. It makes me feel like this was a one night stand and it most definitely isn't. But I do gotta go find Kelly before we leave tomorrow. She's never had to face the skins up close, and I want to make sure she's ready."

"Of course," Alden says, moving his arm off of my waist so I can get up. "I understand completely."

"I might be a while, so don't wait up for me."

"What time are you leaving tomorrow?"

"I dunno, early? Like around sunrise," I answer, climbing out of bed and getting dressed. Alden smirks when he sees me grab his shirt, putting it on and leaving my flannel—technically Daryl's flannel—unbuttoned overtop of it. "If you're awake, I'll come to say goodbye. If you're not, well, then this is goodbye."

"I'll try to be up and see you off."

"Thanks, Alden." I pull my boots on, walking towards his door after grabbing my dagger. I pause, turning to look back at him. Alden props himself up on his elbow, the sheet low and revealing the v in his hips. "I love you."

"Wha… what?"

"I love you," I repeat. "You don't gotta say it back, but I had to say it before I left. Just in case I don't get to say it again." Alden doesn't reply for a long time. "Well, at least say something."

"Come back alive," Alden says, "and then we'll see."

I give him a small smile, hiding the feeling of unease as I know I won't make it back. I sigh, knowing I can't walk out just yet. I rush back over to his bed, straddling him and leaning down to kiss him for what may be the last time. I wind my fingers into his hair as Alden wraps his arms around my waist, kissing him until I'm out of breath. I pull back slowly, our lips touching for a moment longer. Softly, I repeat, "I love you."

"I know," Alden replies.

"Did you seriously just Han Solo me?"

Alden laughs, and I can't help but smile as I take in the sight before me. Alden, a wide grin on his face, slightly out of breath and his hair tousled. The corners of his brown eyes crinkle as he laughs, looking up at me the same way Glenn looked at Maggie, the same way Eric looked at Aaron, the same way Carl used to look at me.

Even if he doesn't say it, I know he loves me. And that's good enough for me.

Alden reaches up, his thumb ghosting over my lips and cheek before stroking my hair. "Every time I look at you, I think I've seen the most beautiful thing I'll ever see, and then I look at you again."

I need to go now. One more sentence like that out of Alden, and I won't ever want to leave his arms. I need to go, but I can't just walk out the door.

I kiss him once more, whispering, "I love you so much."

As I pull away, Alden leans up, following my lips. He cups my face with one hand, keeping me close to him as he whispers, "You could stay."

"You know I want to, Alden."

"You don't have to go yet. You don't have to go at all. I'll bet you anything Daryl and the others will be here tomorrow. You could stay and we could have a happy ending."

It's Negan's words that leave my mouth as I murmur, "If you think this has a happy ending, you haven't been paying attention."

I climb off of him before he can make me stay. As I reach the door, like Orpheus, I chance a look back at my love. He watches me go with such a mournful gaze, as if he knows that I won't be coming back despite my efforts to hide it. It takes all my willpower not to launch myself back into his arms again, to close the door behind me as I leave Alden behind.

It feels dirty, lying to Alden. We've always been truthful with each other, spilling our most guarded secrets. He was the only one I ever told about Carl's ghost—it was Alden that told Jesus later on. He was the one that I told what really happened out there, the true story behind the X branded on my back. I was the one that he confided in about the revenge he took upon the people that killed his brother.

We've always been truthful, which is why it feels so wrong walking out of his room. I told Alden I was going to find Kelly and get her up to speed on the skins before we went out after Daryl, Connie, and Henry in the morning. I'm not. I'm leaving in the night, going on my own because I don't want to risk losing anyone else.

I make a pitstop in the foyer where I left my armor, putting it on before continuing on. I make my way towards the towering oak that's beside the wall, knowing that I can climb it and sneak over the wall. I halt when I see what I have to go through, clutching at my throat as it feels like the fog that was in the cemetery that night is choking me now that I have to make my way through the Kingdom's cemetery to leave in the night. I clutch at my throat as I fall to my knees, struggling to breathe.

"Hey, hey, hey," Jesus rushes, kneeling beside me. "Hey, look at me, Clary." I turn to his ghost, removing my hands from my throat and clutching his hand as he rests it on my cheek. "Clary, hey, I'm here. What is it?"

"The cemetery," I whisper.

"The cemetery, okay. Hey, I need you to breathe with me, alright? Come on. In, out. I'll help you through this. In, out." Jesus takes a deep breath, gesturing for me to mirror him. When I manage to get my breathing under control, he smiles. "That's my Clary. We'll be okay."

"You're dead. How okay can you be?"

"That's fair," Jesus says with a small laugh. "You know, I still remember finding you that night, in our cemetery. Well, it wasn't a cemetery yet, but it would be."

"I see you and I see Carl because I want to remember your faces, your voices," I say, telling him what I remember. "I won't forget you. I'll remember you, but it won't be for long."

"Poppet, please," Jesus says. "I made you promise not to go out after the enemy, and you promised me you wouldn't."

"I promised not to go after Negan," I correct. "I have to go, Paul. I have to avenge you. Though… perhaps it wouldn't be a bad idea to go to Negan. I could use some backup, but I won't. I won't risk anyone. It's just gonna be me." I draw the blade Alden gifted me and stare down at it. "I'll bring the full wrath of Hell with me. They will regret ever being born."

I turn to Jesus, resting my hand on his cheek. I swear, "I will kill as many as I can before they kill me. And then we'll be together once more. I'll see you again and everyone else we've lost, too. I love you, Paul. Make sure you tell everyone else we love that I'm coming."

I close my eyes, dropping my hand from his cheek, and when I open them again, Jesus is gone. I take a breath, sheathing my dagger as I get to my feet, crossing through the cemetery towards the oak. I let out a sigh of relief as I'm through, then look over my shoulder to make sure no one is watching me. I climb up the tree, taking one last look at the Kingdom before heading over the wall and setting off into the night.