June 3rd, 2008
The past week had been trying to say the least.
So far it wasn't his duties as 'Man of Honor' that bothered him. Hermione and Warner had spent the past days figuring out all the last details. Which food options would be best to serve, or what colour scheme should they plan the wedding around. How many guests should they invite and so on, and so on. Fred couldn't care less about any of that. Problem was that the two of them wanted him to have an opinion about it all. Everything. And whatever was decided added to the list of things he needed to fix. A list that indeed was piling up.
When he wasn't agreeing and nodding along to everything they said, he stood to the side and observed the couple, trying to figure out the best way to handle the situation. And was painfully invisible to everybody whenever Hermione introduced Warner to someone from work or an old school mate.
She was sensible enough not to announce that she was getting married to everyone. Warner, on the other hand, had more difficulties not to share the "happy" news to the strangers he met. Sometimes it seemed like he would explode as he tried not to blurt it out. As someone who surely could compose himself with dignity in most situations, it was actually an amusing sight. Fred hoped he would. Explode, that is.
The worst thing of all he'd had to do all week was to babysit the groom. When she wasn't planning her own wedding, Mione was at the ministry doing Merlin knows what. Probably working, though Fred couldn't fathom how she could think about work at a time like this. However much he hated his babysitting duty, he did encourage it because it meant she wasn't fawning over her fiancé or focusing on the wedding.
Those had been his days this past week.
The nights were far worse.
How it was even possible that he hadn't died of exhaustion yet was beyond him. He had barely slept anything in months, and when he did sleep it was nightmares, not dreams that followed him. Since the quidditch game with the lads last week he'd plagued with one particularly disturbing dream. In it, he was naked on the ground, covered in greasy food with Warner standing over him. Collins wore his quidditch uniform and was beating him from above with a Beater's bat carved to look like a phallus. With every blow, Dream-Warner chanted things like; "She will never want you over me," or "I'm everything she could ever need. What do you have to offer? You're a joke." Hermione was there too, but she did nothing but stare at Warner with disgustingly sweet eyes as he continued on with his punches.
At least when Voldy was alive Fred had a legitimate reason to suffer from nightmares. Warner just seemed to be the epitome of everything Fred could never be. Nothing anyone should ever have nightmares about.
Hopefully though, those nightmares would end today.
It was a vile thing to witness. Not that he in any way tried to look at the display of affection that occurred a few feet away. He actually tried his best to avert his attention to anything else, but it was incredibly difficult to do so in this room. The same cold aura radiated from these walls just like everywhere else at the Ministry. Fred had never been in this particular corridor before, though.
It was just after lunch and the three of them were gathered at the International Portkey Office of the 'Department of Magical Transportation' division. Why? Because Warner was about to leave to go back to New York. Today felt like it should be a glorious and perfect day compared to the ones since Mione's return. Standing here, the reality of it was less exciting. A few feet away stood Hermione and Warner in what seemed to be a warm embrace, eagerly exchanging saliva.
Why was he even here?
They weren't alone in the room. International portkeys were regulated, and long-distance ones were particularly difficult to deal with. At least by wizardling standards. The few others in the room glanced curiously at the couple while waiting for their own portkeys to be ready.
It was an rare sight to see the famous Hermione Granger engage in any form of public display of affection. She had always been keen to keep her private life as private as possible since the Battle at Hogwarts. Though, it was difficult as part of the famous "Golden Trio". If the tabloids were to write about her, she much preferred if they focused on her work and progress at the Ministry, not superficial gossip about her love life. She had plenty of bad experiences of the sort in the past. Her fourth year for example, when Rita Skeeter had almost succeeded to alienate her from his own family because of her articles. Yet there she was, snogging Collins with no care in the world. It looked as if Warner would swallow her whole any second now.
"Mr. Edgar Winthrop, your portkey to Tokyo, Japan, is now ready for you in the room on the third door to the right. It will depart in three minutes."
The loud voice didn't faze the couple in the slightest, though an older man hurried in the pointed direction.
They must have been there for what felt like hours. Surely it was Warner's turn soon? Please announce his name now. It couldn't take this long to prepare one portkey to America. They had magic for Merlin's sake!
A new noise caught his attention and it had the most horrific and yet confusing effect on him. Small, almost unnoticeable moans coming from Mione. He hated the fact that it was Collins and not himself who made her emit such a noise. He hated the fact that Hermione let him do it. It was too much.
Come on. Come on. Take a breath. Take a-
"Mr. Warner Collins, your portkey to the Magical Congress of the United States of America, New York, is now ready for you in the room first door to the left. It will depart in three minutes."
Oh, thank Merlin.
Fred let out a sigh of relief as the two reluctantly broke apart, and tried his best not to look as if he'd been utterly disgusted by their public display. Warner turned to him, slightly out of breath, but with a polite smile and his hand stretched open. "Thanks, Fred. I've had a great time. I'll see you in two weeks."
He obliged and returned the gesture, though it took all his will power not to crush Warner's hand. "Yes. Well, have a nice… travel!" Wow, he was so eloquent.
"Right… Thanks."
Hermione moved beside him and then they were right back at it, furiously moving their mouths in unison again.
Oh, come on!
"I love you, Darlin'. I can't wait to marry you." Warner backed towards the closest door to the left with a flirty smirk in Hermione's direction.
"I love you too, Warner. See you soon!"
And with that Mr. Pain-in-my-arse, disappeared behind the door.
Mione turned to Fred and exhaled to compose herself. "Oh Merlin," she said before a satisfied smile graced her lips. She pulled her fingers through her hair to try and tame the messy curls in her beautiful face. She then took his hand and they started to walk away from the Portkey Office towards the elevators.
Already he felt happier than he'd been in a while, the two of them alone together again. "Do you need some chapstick?" he asked, and he could almost fool himself into thinking it didn't sting to tease her about what had just happened. He got his reward as her cheeks coloured and she averted her eyes from him, embarrassed, while murmuring "Yes, please."
"So, where to now?"
"We're having tea with my mother. She wanted to see me and talk about everything concerning the wedding. I don't blame her seeing as I've barely seen her since I got back and sprung the happy news on her. I figured it would be helpful to have you there as well."
Now that Hermione mentioned her mother he did wonder how Mrs. Granger felt about the whole ordeal. Did she support her daughter's decision to get married so soon after meeting her fiancé? Or was she opposed to the idea and just wanted to wait until Warner was gone to tell Hermione? It would be interesting to see so he followed along as they now entered the Atrium and headed to the floo network. He liked Joanne Granger. Now he only hoped that she would prove to be a potential ally for his cause.
June 5th, 2008
"Okay, the shop is cleaned and locked up. Did you guys start without me?" George's asked as he entered Fred's flat from the door connecting to their joke shop. Fred was grateful for the company, though he wasn't sure how fun their evening would turn out to be.
"Whoa. what's going on here? Where are the others?"
"I'll explain in a second, I need to find the note Ginny gave me. Hold on."
As he scurried through the many parchments on his kitchen counter for the list his sister had given him a few days earlier, he heard the familiar sound of someone entering through his fireplace.
"Who's ready to lose some money tonight? Because I'm feeling lucky," Adrian said, followed by Lee's "Pucey, I tell you. If I lose even so much as a knut tonight I'm sure Katie is going to kill me. She's been on my case about it for the last couple of months. Not the gambling part, just the fact that I'm absolute trash at winning."
Fred snickered with the other's as he entered the sitting room to greet his guests, note in his hand. They all agreed with Katie on this one. Lee was trash at winning. Especially when playing Exploding Snap and there was money at stake.
"You guys are late."
"How are you holding up, mate?" Lee asked as he ignored his friends mocking his gambling abilities.
"It's stressful, I'll tell you that."
"I gave my guy the information I had on Warner Collins, you know. Now we just have to wait a few days and he'll give you all the dirt you need to break them up."
"So you decided to help, Pucey?" George teased, but Fred noticed the hint of surprise in his voice. Adrian wasn't known for caring much about others, especially if it had anything to do with other people's relationships. That was probably the reason why Adrian and himself got along better than Adrian did with most others. They understood each other. Up until recently they had almost been the same. Adrian just prioritized things differently than the others, but that didn't mean he was a bad friend. Though he was somewhat of a prick.
"It's not like he's going to shut up about it any time soon. Thought I might as well offer some assistance."
"That, Pucey, is exactly the thing I wanted to hear right now!" Fred exclaimed as he waved his wand and things in different colours started to hover around them. Up until now the others hadn't noticed the mess around the room, but now they looked around cautiously. The room was filled with what could commonly be described as "girly" things. Flowers, candles, chocolates, a collection of WonderWitch products and much more. Fred didn't necessarily think it was anything wrong for men to like those things either, he certainly could enjoy them from time to time himself. But there were some idiots who didn't agree with this.
"Fred, what the hell is this?" Adrain asked as he held up one of the purple ribbons in apprehension as if it would explode in his face.
"Hermione's bridal party- shower - thing-, is in the morning."
"Her what now?" They all stared at him with blank expressions.
"Her Bridal Shower. At least that's what I think it's called. I don't know."
"What in Merlin's name is a 'Bridal Shower'? Angie never had one of those for our wedding."
"I honestly don't know. Ginny was upset that we wouldn't have the time to throw them a proper engagement party before Warner would leave for New York again. Collins then mentioned we could instead host this American tradition called a Bridal Shower. Hermione was opposed to the idea at first but both Ginny and Tolipan said it would be a great way for her to embrace the American culture. And now here we are. Of course, as 'Man of Honor' it's my duty to arrange said Shower and I'm not nearly done yet."
"So? Just wave your wand around, cast a few quick spells, and you're done so we can play Exploding Snap."
"Sure, if I had any idea what I'm supposed to do I could do that. Gin gave me this list of things, but I don't understand anything," he frowned as he glanced at the note in his hand. The instructions on there looked closer to a cipher than actual helpful instructions.
"What you're saying is that we're not playing anything until all of this is done?" George stepped forward, took the note from Fred's hand and read it in deep concentration.
"Exactly. So get to it!"
"Right. So it says here that you need to make gift baskets, get the snacks and appetizers, the decorations and plan the music. Alice and Luna will set up the decorations tomorrow and will bring the rest of the food and drinks. Lee, you open up the fire whiskey. Pucey, start filling up a basket with these things." George delegated different tasks to the men in the room, and Fred was thankful that his twin managed to keep his head on when his own was all over the place.
Adrian looked appalled by the task. "No. No way. I'm not playing with baskets. It's Exploding Snap night!"
"Whatever mate, it's not happening until this is done."
"You can decorate and play with candles and all that. I'm going to sit right here and make fun of you. Here, I even found some sweets," Adrian said as he sat down in the armchair. grabbing a handful of the colourful content of a bowl nearby and put it in his mouth.
"That's potpourri," Fred told him and watched in satisfaction how Pucey spat it out a second later, his face twisted in disgust.
"Hey, look at me!" Lee was already busy looking through the different piles of stuff in the room. He had put on one of the sleeping masks he'd found and stumbled around, laughing with glee. "Have you ever had one of these? You can't see anything. Can I take one home? Katie mentioned that she wanted something like this a while ago."
"I'm sure she did since she's sleeping with you in her bed." George snickered and Lee retaliated by throwing one at him.
"Okay, come on. Let's do this!"
An hour later they were laughing and creatively arranging gift baskets in different ways, trying to outdo the others. By this point they were all pissed from drinking fire whiskey. So pissed that even Adrian voiced his opinion now and then. Or, rather commented on what they were doing now and then. Fred was in the middle of telling them what had happened earlier in the day before tea with Hermione's mother.
"No, I'm telling you. It was horrible!" he exclaimed as he placed another item in the basket in front of him. "This old man approached us after we had just apparated, and we thought he might have seen. Mione panicked and was about to obliviate him when she recognized him as one of her mother's neighbours. He congratulated Mione on her engagement, then assumed I was the one she's engaged to. "This one here must be the lucky young fella whom you're marrying, dear Miss. Granger", to which Hermione strongly objected and corrected him. It's not as if the idea was so far fetched. When she then introduced me as the chief bridesmaid, the old man said; "Oh, but of course," then continued to give me a lecture on how he "never would understand the way the gays and lesbians choose to live, but could see I happy to embrace my true self"!" The others were now catching their breaths. "He thought I was gay! And Hermione did nothing but giggle the whole time afterwards."
"Oh, how I wish I could have been there to witness that!" Adrian said. Fred scowled in his direction then turned his attention back to the basket in front of him.
"How about this one?" He showed his friends his latest creation. "I've used the 'Fij-Illusion' from our 'Travellusion Candles' -line. You know, the one that creates the illusion your actually on that destination when the candle is lit? Then, we have some 'Patented Daydream Charms', one sleeping mask, one perfume, and finally a sample of the 'Wrinkle No More' cream."
"You put the 'Patented Daydream Charms' with the 'Travellusion Candles'?" George asked.
"Yes, why?"
"No, it's interesting. It's just that they both serve a similar purpose to escape reality for a bit so it could be a bit much, don't you think?"
Fred frowned at his arrangement, "Huh. I didn't even think about that…"
"Don't listen to him Fred," Lee disagreed. "I have paired the 'FijI-llusion' with 'ParIs-llusion' for that perfect blend of tropic and romance."
"I like that," George nodded in approval. "I'm adding that to my baskets as well but with 'Rome-Illusion' instead," he said and waved his wand. A few of the 'Travellusion Candles' appeared and arranged themselves in the pile of baskets George had in front of him.
"Why don't you add something fun in the mix? For example 'Fred Wasleys Basic Blaze Box' or something of the sort?" Adrian asked. He stood and admired the miniature Fred statue, another glass of fire whiskey in one hand. The mini-Frey nodded along to the idea.
"Because, Pucey, these baskets will be given to women who are all focused on the wedding at the moment. It should be romantic. Fireworks doesn't go with the theme."
Though Fred nodded in agreement to George's answer, he secretly thought that Adrian had a point. It was surprisingly fun to arrange these baskets. It gave him an outlet of his creativity that had been absent for the past couple of months, but it all felt wrong. It didn't feel like Hermione.
"You know what I like? I like your idea to put a 'Beatific Bath Bomb'-ball right in the centre there, George," Lee said. "I like it so much that I'm going to do the same only with two balls instead."
"That's a good idea. You should definitely have two balls in there." Fred snickered at the innuendo like the mature man he was.
"Perfect! Now I have the two 'Travellusion Candles', one sleeping mask, the 'Wrinkle No More' cream, one bottle of perfume, one set of the 'Everlasting Eyelashes' from your WonderWitch line, and finally the two bath bombs. See?"
Both Fred and George admired their friend's handiwork. "Wow, you've got an eye for these things, don't you Lee?"
"Yes, it would seem so," Lee answered in delight. Adrian shook his head at their enthusiasm, which George noticed. "Hey, Pucey. Come here and curl some ribbons, will you?"
"No thank you. You know, I can actually feel my sperm dying inside of me, one at a time."
"Oh shut up, and grab a basket!" Fred said and threw one at him. "Come on, it's fun!"
"I feel like going to a muggle strip club, eat some meat and get into a fight. Sounds a lot more fun than whatever this is you're doing."
George, Lee and himself laughed at their friends' obvious misery.
"It's no wonder that old man mistook you for a gay man, Fred. You should all try and find your own balls while you're at it. Maybe they're somewhere in the baskets, buried underneath the potpourri."
"There's nothing wrong about being gay and you know it, Pucey. Besides, it doesn't make one gay just because one enjoys doing things like this. It sounds to me like someone's afraid of his feminine side. Just embrace it, Pucey. It might be good for you!" To emphasize his point, George pointed his wand toward the former Slytherin and a myriad of pink, purple and silver ribbons surrounded him. Adrian yelped and tried to get free while the others howled in laughter.
"See? You're no less of a man now."
Fred finalized another one of his baskets with a pretty bow.
"Ooh, look at that one, Fred! Nice job with the fluffing!" he grinned and high-fived George and Lee. "Perfect, isn't it, my friends?"
"Superb! Can't lose with that one."
"Yes, good work!"
It continued on like that for another few hours. Just after midnight all of the baskets were done as well as the decorations - most of which they'd taken from the shop downstairs and enchanted in different colours -, and the rest of the list.
"We're all done?" George asked with a yawn and glimpsed at time. "Blimey, I need to go home to Angie and the kids. I'm surprised she hasn't floo-called to tell me to get my pretty arse home already."
"Yes, everything's just about ready. I need to prepare the snacks and appetizers for the guests but I think some chocolates, pasties should do it. I'll get some muggle sweets on the way as well. Maybe some 'Snicker Sweet Suckers' too?"
"Sounds good. No one can resist a smile with those." George agreed, then turned toward the fireplace with Lee and Adrian in tow. "Well, bye then! Have a splendid time tomorrow at the Bridal-thingy. And don't worry, I'm sure it'll work out perfectly."
"Bye, chaps! Couldn't have done it without you."
He bid them farewell then slumped down on his sofa, exhausted. The day hadn't been as glorious and perfect as he had hoped now that Collins was gone, but it had still been one of the best days in months. He had thoroughly enjoyed being creative with the baskets and everything else in preparation for the Bridal Shower, and having his friends there to help him had been great.
When he fell asleep it was with a smile on his lips.
A/N: Hello friends and Happy New Year to all of you!
I hope you liked this chapter! I struggled a bit with this one, just because I wasn't sure how to incorporate the Priest (reverend)-scene from the movie, but I think I figured it out.
It's fun but challenging figuring out the differences between the American wedding traditions and British ones, which is why there might be some inconsistencies from time to time. I'm trying to be as thorough as possible, but I slip up now and then. If that's the case I'll try and go back to fix it in previous and future chapters :D
Also - The reference I hinted at in the previous chapter was from the Starkid production 'Twisted'. the dialogue just before 'No one Remembers Achmed'. If you've not seen it I strongly recommend you to do so. And of course their Harry Potter Musicals 'A Very Potter Musical', 'A Very Potter Sequel', and 'A Very Potter Senior Year'.
Thank you for every read, Follow, Favourite and Review! You guys are the best!
Love,
RuneDraconis1080