Most people would consider themselves the hero in their own memories, but I've learned to think differently. Looking back, I've made some morally questionable decisions, a few, in particular, weigh particularly heavy on me. I'll accept if people of this world call me a villain because I can see where they are coming from. My obsession to return nearly destroyed me and if it wasn't for a select few then I'm certain I would have lost my humanity.

The rest of the days spent at the Fraldarius estate went by in a blur as my focus was firmly situated on the experiments that I wished to conduct when I returned to Galatea. After my epiphany, the rest of the few days felt like a fever dream as I flitted from conversation to conversation, maintaining the mask of the good mage. Not to sell the hospitality short, most people I met were courteous and pleasant, but the nagging thoughts in my head kept reminding me that it doesn't matter. That they don't matter anymore now that I have a possible fast track to going home and leaving this bygone age.

Arriving back at Galatea I dove straight into my work and set up my lab in my room to my specifications in about half a day with the equipment I needed, which in truth is very little since all I need is some basic medical supplies and my magical abilities. The staff and Leif have been excellent in assisting me whenever I require it, as they still are under the assumption that I am working to heal their land, but they would be mistaken for two reasons.

First, I'm obviously not inclined to work towards that as its secondary when compared to my own goals. And secondly, I actually don't have a good solution to their problem. With so much land to cover all I was able to imagine that would help them would be terraforming it or re fertilizing it and letting the land sit for a year or two, both of which I'm not sure how reception or doability would be.

After about a week and a half of work, I had managed to devise the magic to send me home, as I've been taught and reinforced through discovery that magic is emotion, intent, and logic. Therefore, with a specially designed warp spell in mind, I just needed the fuel and catalyst to direct such a spell as just trying to go home would probably get me nowhere as magic does unpredictable and dangerous things when not treated with respect.

Many days of grueling final research and honing my ability to conduct magic steadily without error and razor focus I finally decided that tonight I would make my attempt. I would need a fresh blood sample from Ingrid, which truth be told isn't that difficult when one is a doctor.

In doing this I'll be breaking the Hippocratic oath that I swore to as a doctor, but I as the person needs this more than my career in a dimension that I've been dragged to and have been trying to escape for the past two years.

Standing in front of my alchemy table with a messy notebook open before me I pause my writing and whisper, "two years already..nearly three now that I think about it…"

Will things be the same when I arrive back on Earth? If I arrive? What do I say to those that have missed me? To those here, if I fail?

My racing thoughts are interrupted as the door to my room opens and I quickly turned around to see Ingrid coming inside with a satchel full of herbs. She has a happy look upon her face as she sets down the bag on a nearby coffee table and approaches me asking, "Santos, you look as if you are a statue. Are you alright?"

I wave my hand dismissively, "I'm fine. Just lost in thought is all. I was thinking that with all your help in gathering materials on the land I'd do a check up on you. Gotta make sure my number one helper is in top physical condition."

"That sounds good, I haven't had one done by a doctor in a long time. What do I have to do?"

"Simple really. I'm going to go over your vital signs, take a blood sample, check for any abnormalities and ask you some basic health questions that could require follow-up, but don't worry it's all pretty standard and non-invasive," I explain as I begin to unfurl my medical tools that Ingrid had fetched for me earlier in the week from Galatea storage. A bit primitive, but in remarkable condition, all things considered with a stethoscope, syringes, and scalpels among other little tools.

Ingrid nods as I direct her to a large table I had brought into the room to spread out a bunch of books on near the corner. Having her sit on the end I begin to go through a typical check-up I would with any other patient by checking her breathing and reflexes to asking health concerns. Ingrid is fit as any kid and in top condition, but I end it with a blood draw that she doesn't even bat an eye at and I dismiss her to take the rest of the day off.

Now with the easy part out of the way in obtaining her blood since I managed to disguise my true intentions of the whole ordeal, I had the much trickier part of my plan to enact. Obtaining the family heirloom, Luin.

The mythical lance is kept locked in a safe that is designed to keep it contained and prevent magical intervention, so busting it out myself is out. Thankfully, from the one time Leif showed it to me I know that he has the key to unlock the safe and getting into his room to the safe shouldn't be hard itself. Then I just have to avoid the staff while carrying the family heirloom through the house. Easy, right? Thankfully, I have a plan to get what I need without suspicion, and today is the end of the week which means Count Galatea will be in his reading room with an absurd amount of wine this evening. This just means I need to give him a little push over the edge.

After safely storing away Ingrid's sample I went about my general schedule of conversing with Harald and some of the staff and skimming through some of my texts I had laying around from the academy to double-check my calculations; biding my time until Count Galatea would be good and sloshed from his evening of drinking and relaxing on fine wines.

Making my way up to the reading room through the dimly lit hallways in the dead of night with only the sound of heavy rain pelting the roof and windows I peek inside the room with the Count inside, to which I see a roaring fireplace with him seated in front of it with a blanket and a large pitcher next to him on a serving table. His eyes half-lidded with the goblet loosely held in his right hand, I could tell he had enjoyed himself after dinner as he still insists on giving most of the food at the estate to his daughter or the staff. A paragon among greedy parasites in the nobility in my opinion, whom many wouldn't blink twice if it meant feeding themselves or their helpers.

I knock quietly to see if I can get the Count's attention to which I see him fumble a bit in his chair and exclaim, "Ohoho, who's there?"

Stepping out of the dark hallway, "It's just me Leif, no need to get up. Just checking on you."

Leif immediately settles back down into his comfy chair relaxing, "Ah, good then. I'm doing quite fine. Just enjoying the last of my Gautier vintage. A dry blend but with sharp flavor. Care for some?" He says while offering up the pitcher and another empty cup beside it. Seems he has been hoping for some company tonight.

I sigh and relent, "Sorry, no drink for me Leif. I'm still researching later. Burning the midnight oil and such."

"You know, Santos. Working that hard isn't good for one's health. You've been cooped up in your room nearly the entire time since we returned from Rodrigue's. I implore you, take a drink," Leif gestures once again with the pitcher but with a more commanding tone than a friendly tone than before. The facade of sternness is betrayed by his posture and half-lidded eyes that seem to be fighting him for sleep.

"I suppose it couldn't hurt," I quietly concede as I slowly walk around the Count's chair and table to his opposite side. As I walk behind him I focus my magic for a weak Nosferatu spell on the Count. Used to drain life in combat, but when used in a minimal dose it can be used to cause fatigue, or in this case, with such a bygone target; inducing sleep.

As I finish walking my way around Count Galatea's large chair I hear the half-full goblet in his hand tumble to the ground and spill wine over the hearth rug. With only the light of the fireplace, I began to rifle through Leif's pockets for his safe key, which is a bit difficult when you only have one arm and are trying to manage with a big several layered robe.

"Ahh, there we are," I mutter as I finally snag a large key that matches the look of what I saw so many months ago. I look back at the Count to see him soundly asleep in his chair. I give the Count one final nod as I slither out of the room with his master bedroom for my next destination.

Thunder has begun to boom in the background of this stormy autumn night as I reach the closed door to the master bedroom. I fumble with the keys a bit but manage to open the door and shut it quickly. I conjure a fireball to help me see in the darkroom, to which I see the mostly empty master bedroom, but also the locked glass case safe on the far side of the room.

Trying to work an unwieldy set of keys while holding concentration on a fireball is surprisingly difficult as it takes me a solid minute to get the right key and unlock the lid to the glass case to reveal the inner safe. Working a bit longer I manage to crack open the safe as well and I can feel the ethereal energy of Luin as I near the mythical weapon.

From my studies, those who do not possess a crest cannot wield a hero's relic and can horribly disfigure the poor soul that tries to use the weapon. But having a crest will minimize those odds even if my crest isn't the crest of Daphnel. That or my journey is about to be cut abruptly short.

I reach out and draw out the lance, which is surprisingly light to my delight and I hear a tired yet familiar voice in my head, "So, it looks like you are on the precipice of change. It's not too soon to turn back. Save yourself the anguish and torment."

"Shut up Sothal. I'm going home and there isn't anything you can say to change my mind," I growl back in my mind. I await a reply for a few seconds and as I'm about to continue moving along to the lab I hear, "Have it your way, Santos. I tried to make this easier for you."

What the hell did he mean by that? A sense of dread begins to creep into my mind as I walk down the hallway towards the stairwell to descend to my room and laboratory for the final step to my goal. Most of the hallway lanterns and candles at this point have gone out as I briskly made my way through the silent house with only bouts of thunder from outside providing any noise and the occasional flash of lightning to illuminate the hallway.

I get to my room and enter it quickly and lock the door. I breathe a sigh of relief as I walk over to my alchemy table with Luin in hand and set it down. I opened my storage container with the blood samples of mine and Ingrid and begin the process of a spell I half modulated from articles found in the academy library, and the other half from vague memories from studying in Dagda under Sevihn. I slather both bloods over the lance and with half of Ingrid's blood vial remaining I buck up the courage and take it like a shot.

I manage to choke down the blood, but with a nasty metallic iron quality with a watery yet almost viscous consistency I keep it down. I hold the lance firmly in my grip, almost white-knuckling the bone lance as I center myself in the room and remove the rug I had placed in here earlier in the week by Harald. I remove the rug and drag it to the side of the room to reveal my crest circle drawn in chalk. Designs signifying my crest and the crest of Daphnel, and of the crest of Flames which I found represents Sothis, the counterpart to Sothal. With both power in conjunction, I should, in theory, be able to modify a Warp spell on myself to create a portal.

I seat myself in the middle of the magic circle I had drawn on the floor and with Luin, in my lap, I begin to focus my mana on the flickering flame within my psyche. I reach out and I can feel the weird nature of the lance as well as the strangeness to the blood reacting with my magical properties. I close my eyes and begin to close off my external sense to continue to build power and focus for the spell as I begin to lose feeling in my feet and hand, smells begin to dissipate, and the metallic taste in my mouth starts fading.

My sense of time starts to become distorted as well as I throw my entire will and intent into the spell with the simple notion of 'home' at the forefront of my mind. As I feel myself getting closer to the locus of power that the relic is harnessing from the ritual I can hear a faint voice in the background, so quiet I almost missed it so I peek my eyes open.

Facing the wall I have a peripheral view of my door and I can see it open with Ingrid and Harald both at the entrance looking a mix between terrified and horrified. I also notice that the roof and some of the opposite side wall facing the outside has been blown off letting rain downpour into the now exposed room. I can see both of their mouths moving but I cannot hear nor read what they are trying to say to me. I close my eyes again to try and finish the spell. I poured the last of my willpower and desire matched with my knowledge and understanding of warping objects and even in my dream-like state I can feel the floor beneath me twist and contort as if I were sitting on a body of water.

After a few more moments I can feel some blood starting to leak from my nose and intense nausea start to overtake me, it finally all stops.

I cautiously open my eyes and I see a sight that brings me immense emotion. I see street lights from my position as I'm on a pile of garbage in an alley, but I recognize it. I'm back in Tucson. I'm back on Earth.

I check myself to make sure I didn't come through the portal like the terminator, but I still am wearing my robes and have Luin in my hands. I feel extremely numb and exhausted like I had just completed a marathon to go fight in an MMA match, so I weakly smile and lay back onto the pile of garbage to look up at the night sky as I can faintly hear the nightlife in the background.

I stare for a few moments and begin laughing to myself, a bit erratically to have a passerby think I'm another crazed drug fiend, but I don't care. None of that matters now. I made it back alive.

"I fucking did it."

After reveling in my feat in the trash I quickly gathered my wits best I could and began walking down the street. My location is roughly in La Cholla district which means it should take a little over an hour by foot to get to my house in Cresta Loma Segundo across the river.

Walking the street again feels a bit weird, and I'm a bit thankful I'm out so late with hardly any pedestrians and not too many cars on the road as I walk northeast back towards my house. As I walk through some thoughts creep into my head like, 'what year is it?' and 'Am I even in the right Earth if that's a thing?' so I continue on my way and prepare a question for the first pedestrian I see. I'm going to sound crazy, but I need information now.

After about a half-hour I finally see someone going the opposite way of me and using Luin as an awkward walking stick I hustle up to the older white guy and ask, "Hey man, I lost a lot of my stuff earlier, could you tell me what time it is and the date?"

The gruff mid 50's guy looks at me strangely but looks at his watch and replies, "It's a little after 10:30. It's Wednesday."

"Like the full date if you could. Please?"

Another strange look from the man but he begins to keep space away from me and walk around me on the sidewalk and says, "It's September 14th, 2021. Now keep moving ya fruit."

I don't even thank the man as he hustles down the road minding his own business once again, but he gave me a good insight into what has happened. It's been almost 3 years since I've been gone, and it seems to have translated to here back on Earth. Shit.

I begin to hustle hoping to get to my old home and see if Cassandra is still there, as if I were ever declared dead I'm sure the life insurance policy would have helped her buy the place at the very least. I'm practically sprinting down the road by the time I arrive in the neighborhood with the moon at the apex of the sky and me quite out of breath. Still feeling a bit woozy from the teleportation I give myself a 5-minute break to help collect my sanity and figure out what I'm going to do. Will I be welcomed back? Will she be with someone else? Will someone else live there? Too many damn questions, and only one way to find out.

I walk through the neighborhood until I see my old two-story townhouse. Yard looks good and the garage is closed, but I can see Cassandra's white scion out in the driveway. I feel my heart beginning to race as I start to walk up to the house and look at myself. In Fodlan this would be normal, even formal on many occasions, but with my Mexican flag colored robes, I look like some weird lost vaquero or something.

I finally get up to the door and I can feel my hand shaking, barely being able to keep a grip onto Luin. This is the moment that I've been waiting for. All the torture and suffering in that land have been pushed back and I won against destiny. The end of a long road at last.

I ring the doorbell and wait nervously as I can hear movement inside. Steps descending the staircase and then I hear the handle turning to reveal my fiance, Cassandra. Looks like she was lounging by the basic t-shirt and yoga pants, and she does look a bit different with her brunette hair about 6 inches longer held up in a ponytail. I'm overjoyed by seeing the love of my life and want to hug her and cry, yet before I can move a muscle I hear her say, "Uh, can I help you, dude?"

Wait, what?

A bit frazzled I ramble, "Cass, it's me, Santos. I know I've been gone for a while but I have the wildest story. You're not going to believe the stuff I've seen and been through, it's all just-"

Cass cutting me off crosses her arms and interjects, "Look, dude, I don't know who you are or why you are here. I can tell you look a bit off your rocker and probably got my name from looking in the mail or something. Can I actually help you or do I need to call the cops?"

"Fuck."

I had thought about something like this happening and I begin to panic, but thanks to my emotional control training I had back in the other world I manage to keep a lid on my sporadic emotions and force out, "So, you don't know who I am?"

Cassandra raises an eyebrow and shrugs, "Not in the slightest. My boyfriend and I live here. Look, maybe just move along and we can both forget about this awkward exchange?"

"Boyfriend?" I quizzically mimic, and just to prove my point I see a decent sized Samoan guy in the living room yelled out, "Everything okay babe?"

"Fine, just helping out the local basket case. You can put the movie back on," Cassandra replies as looks to her apparent beloved and then back to me like I'm some kind of diseased thing.

"Okay, can I make a phone call? Just one," I plead only eliciting a huff from Cassandra as she shuts the door. My mind stutters trying to process what had just happened, and then the door opens again with Cassandra once more with a phone in hand, "You get one call. Runoff with it or anything and my Rottweiler will be after your ass."

I nod as I begin to dial my mother's number into the cell phone and it begins to ring. Almost shaking with anticipation and a bit of fear I hear the phone gets picked up and answered as I hear my madre answer, "Bueno. Quien eres?"

"It's me Santos, your son!" I blurt out and I hear silence on the other end for a few moments before I hear my old lady reply back, "Sorry mister, but I think you have the wrong number."

"This is Marisol Capetillo, correct?"

"Yes, wait. Who is this exactly?"

"I told you, it's Santos. I'm not dead! Tell my brothers Carlitos or Luis!"

Another pause on the other end of the phone before I hear my mother reply, "Don't call me or my family again stalker. Penejo!"

The phone hangs up and still shocked I hand the phone back to Cassandra who has a look of pity on her face and says, "Rough break? Sorry but I'm going to have to ask you to leave. You are a bit strange, but nice...uh walking stick you got there. Have a good night."

Cassandra shuts and locks the door and still reeling from the emotional haymaker that just hit me square in the heart I stumble back and grab Luin. I turn around slowly to look at the open yard and try to figure out how the hell to process this, and I see the last person I'd expect to see in the flesh.

"Sothal?" I gasp out loud as I see him in his usual topless glory standing about 15 feet from me on the lawn with his eyes closed, hands on his hips while shaking his head making 'tsk tsk' sounds.

I shamble towards the enigmatic god and grunt out, "How are you here?"

He opens his eyes and stops making the sound with his mouth to smugly stare at me for a moment before exclaiming, "I told you it wouldn't be worth it, Santos. I told you that this would only bring you more pain. But listen to me? Of course not. And as to why I'm here, the blood of the Galatea girl still flows inside you, amplifying your power, and thus allowing me to materialize outside your conscious."

I continue to walk until I'm off my old property in silence with Sothal in tow and sit on the edge of the sidewalk and set down Luin. I look at my remaining arm and feel the ghost twinges of my missing arm as I try to flex my missing arm. I look up to Sothal who takes a seat next to me on the curb. The dim moonlight and shoddy street lamps light up the empty road and I can see a few people's houses lit up with families enjoying their evening. Something that was mine and that I'll never apparently have again.

Sothal leans closer to me and states, "When Sevihn dragged you from this world to his, he did an incomplete ritual. He didn't have all the materials you did, nor your physicality with my likeness either," Sothal gestures to both of us before continuing, "And in doing so with his greedy pursuits, ripped you from reality quite abruptly. You were surgical in your warp, minus the landing in trash, but alas you did it. Sevihn, on the other hand, more or less was quite messy, and the only way for him to get you in Dagda was to drag and erase your existence from Earth and reestablish it in Dagda. In a sense, you died and were violently reborn."

Aghast, I turn to Sothal and ask, "I was killed? This version of me?"

"Not Killed, erased. As in you literally don't exist here. Wiped from the annals of history," Sothal corrects while raising an index finger to exemplify his point.

"So...I was fucked the instant I arrived in that world. Great. Glad to know that I did this all for nothing. You must be pretty happy with how things have turned out."

Sothal shakes his head and replies, "Not at all. But I knew the value of bringing you here."

I look at the dead god with complete confusion and contempt and shout, "How does all of this," I gesture wildly around me in all directions, "Help me in any fucking way?! Tell me!"

"Because even if you are nothing here, Fodlan still has a purpose for you. If you were to return the memory of you wouldn't be shattered as you successfully transported yourself across realms, unlike Sevihn. You can fulfill our destiny," Sothal passionately proclaims as he grips my left shoulder.

I return my attention to the pavement below me again in utter disbelief and sadly chuckle to myself which draws Sothal's attention as he asks, "What's so funny Santos? Finally hit delirium?"

"No that's not it. You just want me to go back and commit genocide. How is that better?"

"You've experienced first hand that humanity is capable of inexplicable cruelty and depravity if left unchecked for too long. Pointless suffering when the cycle overextends itself. You feel it now in your anger, grief, and sadness. It's all connected. Let us go back and let me guide you," Sothal softly requests as I feel him grip my shoulder a bit more tightly.

I look up into his red eyes and see a swirling ocean that reflects the god's own vastness back at me. Inevitability. Ruin. Perniciousness. All these things seem to entire my mind and I quickly close my eyes to stop the feelings from affecting me. I think for a moment of who I am and shrug off the god's hand from my shoulder. I've been cast through dimensions and lost my literal identity thanks to the actions of others with no say in it. I think of my own core values; have they been a lie from an old world or the last thing I'm clinging onto about my identity?

"I don't know," I mutter as I remain motionless on the curb. I keep my eyes glued to the pavement and hear Sothal reply, "You do know. Your soul is still you. Decide," Sothal gestures to his surroundings, "Be nothing here," and then he grabs my chin and forces me to look up to his face and he declares, "Or help free my world. Our world and become one with your destiny. You know the right choice."

I slowly rise to my feet and look at the elegantly dressed masculine god in the face, mere inches apart and reply, "I'll go back. But I'm done with destiny. Sevihn, Fhirdiad politics, and you have all whinged on about what I will be for themselves. I'm going to choose this time. I'll make my own destiny, and maybe you are right about it all. But, maybe not. I'll find the answer for myself."

I squat down and grab Luin and look back up to where Sothal was standing but notice it devoid of any presence, leaving me alone on the street curb. I snort at his sudden departure, but return my focus to Luin and channel the remaining magic in the lance to bring me back to Fodlan.

As I feel the air begin to bend around me I take one last look at my former house and say, "Goodbye. I'll miss you."

In a sudden flash I'm gone from the cool Tucson suburb with the spell incantation complete, and this time with no intention to return. Back to Fodlan to figure out what I should do with my abilities and power and not spend time chasing fever dreams. It's time I started living my life and not my past life.

A/N: Hello once again! Interesting chapter? I'm not sure how many people will feel about this as I've had this planned for a while, but wasn't sure how it would shake out. Lemme know how you feel about this, cause it was difficult for me to write. Eh.

Review Response:

VGBlackwing: Nobles want many different things, money, power, etc. but some want it all. Don't worry next chapter should clear up a lot of theories.

Thanks again for reading and I hope you enjoyed it! Also Happy new year!

Next chapter: 1/4-1/5 (maybe a new year surprise update?)

Later!

edited: 12/29/19