16

Elizabeth had been melancholy for a few weeks now … Ianto wondering if it was the arrival of his brother that had somehow changed the dynamics and he approached her to see if he could help her feel more settled. It was still something that bothered him, her becoming chaste. I mean … he understood she didn't want another child but … no physical contact at all?

"Hey" he said softly, finding her in her private lounge doing needlework, her feet tucked up infer herself as she was settled back in the sofa. She looked up and smiled as she watched him settle as well, then turn to her.

"Lizzy love. Are you OK?"

She was surprised by this, expecting a conversation about the children or maybe the Christmas madness to come. Not a personal question like this, although he was perhaps the only person she didn't feel annoyed by. She knew it was a question that came from love. What made it harder to explain.

"Ianto … I … I married Jack for the betterment of our people. It was the done thing, as you know. Provide a child, preferably a male. To be part of a Hive … a sister-wife. It was done of duty, not love. Of course I have come to love Jack. Dearly. He is a wonderful man and there is genuine affection but … it was never about the sex … although I did not mind it … he is a very kind man and a gentle one. No … I did like that but …." She struggled and he waited "It was not … my everything. I mean … I love him, have always and will always but …"

"Never IN love with him" Ianto guessed what she was chewing over "Loyalty and love. Not lust and raw need. Right? You marred for duty, not love. Love came later, a comfortable sort … not a needy burn."

"Yes. Not what you have. I mean … the way you look at one another … I see the raw need to touch. Just touch. At first I thought I was annoyed because I didn't' have that in my own relationship with him. I wondered if it was something that he thought about too … I reasoned things out and argued with myself before pulling away and finding that creating separation helped. It did. I felt less…. Small. But … as of late I have realised that feelings are there that I didn't see coming on. I am starting to develop … ah…. I am embarrassed."

Ianto blinked. "Sweetie. It was your choice to be chaste. I mean … you would be welcome back into his arms … you know that."

He watched her shift in the sofa as she looked at her hands and sighed, then he frowned "Elizabeth? Are you telling me these…feelings are not for him?"

She nodded.

"There is another you have started to … desire?" he was surprised. Well … she was her own woman, going to work each day earning her own money and living her own life. Stands to reason she might meet someone I suppose. Still, a surprise. She is a married woman.

"It will pass" she said softly "I know it is wrong and I am trying to keep my head straight until it passes. It is merely a silly need. It is not productive and will not help the Hive or myself to hold on to these.. cravings."

"Cravings. You crave him?"

She nodded biting her bottom lip now as she looked at him though her eyelashes "It's complicated. I cannot hurt the Hive. Or Jack. I also know it can never be … he does not feel the same and would never step on Jack's toes. I also know even the fanciful daydreams and the need …well … these will pass. I need to refocus."

"Why you are keeping away from us? I miss you" he sighed, reaching out to touch her and she pulled her hand away, Ianto freezing as a thought came to him. One he could not deny saying out loud "Elizabeth? This person you have feelings for … is it someone you have met at work?"

She shook her head, downcast and clearly uncomfortable with the conversation.

"Elizabeth. My darling … the person you have feelings for… is it someone here?" he asked with confusion "Is it … Lizzy? It is me?"

She sighed, looking up at him with tears then nodded sadly "Yes. I … I have feelings for you Ianto and … I know it's wrong but … I do. I do see you as … so handsome. I want your affection"

Ianto sat back in stunned silence.

Wasn't this a pickle.