That was the last thing I would have expected. For a little while, my heart stopped beating, but only to start hammering in the next moment, so hard and fast as though it was trying to jump out of my chest. I began to regret that I had opened the door for him at all. That was not what Christmas should like... I wanted the Christmas morning to bring joy, now horror and rage.

I did not want Snape to think I was ungrateful to him, because that was not the case. I owed him my life. But still, I did not wish for him to think that I was his toy just because he had saved me.

I tugged my hand several times, but his grip was much tighter than I had previously supposed. I did not want to turn to look at him yet; I would rather want to prevent him from spotting the expression on my face. And I was sure that he would be able to read anything right off my face – my anger, my fear...

"Do let me go," I said stiffly, and my voice sounded strange.

"You will first hear what I want to tell you," he replied, and the grasp on my wrist got even thighter.

"I doubt that you could tell me anything, Professor," I responded, once again trying to free myself from him, but to no avail.

Or maybe it really was just a dream. Maybe all of my stress had built up into a nightmare that was so vivid that I took it for reality. I sighed deeply, then closed my eyes, praying that – when I open them once again – Snape would no longer be there.

"Please, do hear me out," he said emphatically, dispelling my illusions.

I did not want to listen to him. I wanted him to go away and leave me alone. However, I knew that he would not do that; he was not that kind of man who would just give up at the moment when he had finally captured me. Yet, I thought that I should not feel so strange while being in my own bedroom.

"You have five minutes, Professor, and, for God's sake, let go of me."

Finally, he let me go. I frowned slightly, then began rubbing my sore wrist. I really regretted that I had not managed to get dressed before Snape had come. Then, at least, I would have a wand in my pocket... Besides, it would let me feel a little more comfortable. It was not really the state I wanted anyone to see me in, and Snape was certainly the last person who should have seen me dressed like that.

Pulling on the halves of my robe so it would hide as much of me as it could, I sat down on the bed, not even looking at my interlocutor. I had no idea what he might want to tell me, and truth be told, I was not even sure if I wanted to know.

"I have a feeling that you still don't understand me, Shirley. That you still keep thinking that I take you for a person I have once known," he spoke up after a moment. He did not look at me, either; his back facing me, he stood there, his arms crossed on his chest. Only after a while I found enough courage to look up. His eyes locked on some point in the distance, he just stood, completely motionless, as though he was talking not to me, but to himself. "The fact that you resemble her, does not change..."

Even seeing just his semi-profile, I could notice him grimacing a little, making me feel quite uncomfortable. So he understood me better than I could have ever thought. Or maybe he really could get into my head and read or sense my thoughts and feelings... After all, there was no-one better at Legilimency than him – everyone knew that.

"I let Lily go," he continued. "I saw her with that cretin, Potter... It hurt me, but... but if that could make her happy... but it did not. Potter brought death onto her. I can't let the same happen to you. And I just won't let you go."

He turned to face me so quickly that I had not managed to look in another direction, so our eyes met. He had never looked at me so sharply.

"Neville and I are just friends," I reassured him, but at the same time I still felt quite awkward. I should not have to share such details with him, it was my private life. On the other hand, had he not opened his heart wide to me? How much did he trust me if he had just revealed so many of his secrets, risking that I would tell someone about that? That I would use them against him?

"Do you think so? And what does Longbottom think?"

Those were the questions I was not able to answer, because I was afraid that – unfortunately – Snape had hit home with just those several words. I had no idea what Neville thought... and yet, I was under the impression that he really hoped for something more than just friendship.

"It doesn't change the fact that you don't have any right to meddle into it, either," I said, knowing it was a great risk.

The expression of Snape's face changed, even if just a little bit. It was so inscutable at that point that although I thought for a moment that I had noticed a spark of anger in his eyes, I soon learnt that it was just a reflection of the candlelight.

Silence fell. It seemed to be ringing in my ears; my head ached, and the conversation that had just been broken, bothered me greatly. I lacked my fingers and put my hands on my lap. I was afraid that Snape would find a way out of this situation, at the same time backing me in a corner.

"Professor," I said after a longer while, wanting nothing more but just finish the conversation. "I don't understand much of this situation, I just know that... that when I was still a student, we didn't really... like each other. I don't want to have an enemy in you... Let's just stay colleagues, just like we should."

Once again, on Snape's face appeared the very same expression of disgust I knew so well, as though I had just said something exceptionally abominable.

"So?" he asked, and I had to stop myself from mumbling so what, even though I was dying to say them out loud. "Is that all you've had to say?"

I did not see a reason why I should share any more secrets with him. The situation we both had found ourselves in had already been solved – I was glad that he did not take me for Lily anymore, but it did not change anything yet. Our mutual aversion should be broken for the sake of the school and students, but nothing more should ever happen between us.

There were too many differences between us – starting with what we liked and ending with our age.

On the other hand, even though I was slightly afraid of admitting that even to myself, I still felt the touch of his cold hand on my cheek. It made me feel some weird sensations around the stomach; it made me forget about the whole world around me. It was something I had never felt in my whole life.

However, it meant nothing yet. I suspected – or maybe I wanted to believe – that it was just my surprise to the fact that Snape had shown such care towards me. Care I had never experienced from anyone else.

"I just want to protect you, God damn it, what is so revolting about it?" he exploded finally, sending chills down my spine. "When I watch this idiot taking you for granted... You could have everything, Shirley. Everything."

Once again, I found myself lacking courage to answer him. I did not want to hurt him anymore... but he deserved an answer.

I stood up and moved away from him. I knew he was watching me, so I wrapped my arms around myself, as though it could protect me from his piercing eyes. I was not quite sure what exactly he saw in me. Because there had to be something that was pushing him to me, so he desired to fight for me by all means. Besides, he understood me better than anyone, even Neville, with whom we had been completely inseparable not so long before.

"I'm fine, Professor," I replied after a moment, but I regretted it as soon as I said that, knowing that I sounded cold and insensitive. "There's no need for you to protect me all the time. It... it is very... noble..."

"Why don't you get it that without me you'd have been dead by now," he snapped, getting close to me in two long steps. "This idiot will make you suffer. Besides... besides, the days will come when Longbottom will be the least of all your problems."

I looked at him in astonishment.

"What are you talking about, sir?" I asked hesitantly. My thoughts immediately went back to the very beginning of the school year, when I had first had a feeling that McGonagall had really wanted or needed Snape at school. And now, as they kept locking themselves in her study together... was there something we should be afraid of?

"That you will be safe with me," he answered, a hint of anger and impatience in his voice.

I felt something strange, and twitched suddenly, but soon, I realised it was Snape once again. Although he took my hands once more, this time he was not as violent as before, and his touch was not unpleasant.

"Professor, if our school faces danger, I believe that we should first look after our students," I confessed.

If it really was so, if there was some danger outside the castle awaiting us, there was no time for any romance. With anyone. The task of us as the teachers was to protect the young people from any evil that could threaten them.

"So I am supposed to just stand aside and watch someone close to me being killed again?" he growled.

"But Professor, you don't even like me."

I had a feeling that I needed to keep reminding him that. After all, he could not like me; besides, I, even though I really did try to start liking him, had not managed to do that yet. We did not spend much time together. In fact, we hardly knew each other. How could he believe that I was someone close to him?

"Since when has Miss Shirley been so wise that she could judge it better than I?" he asked, his voice dripping with irony.

"You've been showing it to me in many different ways."

"I don't know what you've been expecting, Shirley, but from what I know, trying to save someone is a sign of something quite different."

I blushed madly, but did not look away – thanks to that I could see the glimpse of triumph in his eyes. I hated that.

"Sometimes I get the feeling that you're even dumber than this idiot Longbottom," he whispered calmly, making me go crazy. "Talented and ambitious... but not having even an ounce of intuition. Fascinating, considering that your achievements in potion brewing were quite satisfactory."

"You hated me already back then," I answered, and the tone of my voice surprised me. I did not want it to sound so aggressive.

"Because I didn't favour you, just like a half of teachers?" He raised his brow. "Or because I didn't give you any points for doing what I required and what you had to do?"

I was a bit offended, but did not answer, doing my best not to let him provoke me.

"You were my student and I treated you just like the rest of the people in my class. I did not treat you worse, Shirley, but I did not want to go easy on you, and probably that is the only reason why you did not get lazy, and your results were getting better."

To my surprise, I realised that he still had my hands in his. He was definitely way too close, which made me feel slightly nervous, but at that moment it no longer was fear. If he wanted to hurt me, he had already had a chance to do it at least several times.

"I was shocked, seeing you there on that day when I came back... maybe that is why I wanted to talk to you back then."

"You wanted...?" I asked, surprised. "But you told me that you could say the same things to the Headmistress, if only..."

"And then what? What would you think of me?"

Once again I found myself too cowardly to answer. Finally, I began to understand why it had had to be me back then. Why it had been my task to talk to Snape as soon as he had got back to Hogwarts...

"I saw Longbottom giving you advice on how you should be a teacher... and I realised that if you kept listening to him, you wouldn't be able to stay there too long. My methods, even though I have always acted by fair means or foul, seemed to be working." He smiled softly, making me feel dizzy. Although at this point the pieces of the puzzle had already begun to create a whole picture, I did not like it at all. "Yet I still knew that it was not the only threat awaiting you. That was why I kept following you. That was why I wanted to protect you at all cost. And was I not right? Would you be here, talking to me right now, if I hadn't done that back then?"

"If you hadn't decided to duel with Neville, the accident wouldn't have occured," I interrupted him.

"I didn't expect him to bring you there," growled Snape.

"He didn't. I just didn't want to let you hurt him," I answered in anger.

"Had I hurt him, you would have one problem less now."

I pursed my lips and closed my eyes. Even if he wanted to calm me down, his words had the opposite effect.

"At first I kept telling myself that it would be a great loss to lose such a valuable witch and a talented teacher. Yet after some time, I realised that I would rather like it more if you had never become a teacher at Hogwarts. It would be better if I hadn't met you again..."

I found a way out in the words he had just uttered.

"Then let's keep acting as though we didn't see each other. Or... or let's just avoid meeting each other," I replied, trying to step away, but he stopped me once again, trapping me between his body and a wall.

"It's too late, Shirley. You've already cast your spell, so bear the consequences."

I intended to get back at him but did not make it. His hands let go of my wrists and rested on my cheeks, and he leant over me to close my mouth with a kiss.