Late that evening, Misato knocked on Shinji's room. No response. She opened his door, and found no one in there.

"It's 9pm on a schoolnight," said Misato to herself, "and Shinji hasn't come home yet. I'm a failure as a guardian, aren't I."

"I'm right here," Shinji said from the living room. He was behind the TV trying to hook up the X-Box.

"Huh. There's still this nagging feeling, though. Who am I thinking of?"

"Asuka, maybe?"

"Holy crap, I forgot about Asuka! Shinji, is she still in the NERV hospital?"

"Shouldn't you be on top of this stuff?"

"Just answer the damn question, kid."

"After she left the hospital, they put her in a hotel. You know, the NERV Guest House."

"Whose decision was that?"

"Yours, I think."

Misato paused. "Was I drunk? she thought. I don't remember getting blackout drunk."

"Uh, I can hear you, Miss Misato."

Misato turned toward Shinji. "And you're sure she's in the hotel?"

"Yes!"

"Is she doing fine?"

"Yes, basically."

"Who's paying for it?"

"I think you charged it to NERV. You mentioned using the NERV Credit Card."

"Gendo's not gonna like that, she thought."

"Uh, Miss Misato, you said that out loud too."

The next morning, Shinji was sitting in his Second Impact class. It was the first day of the next semester. Asuka and about ten other students were there, but it was Kaworu's presence which really surprised Shinji. He looked at Kaworu, who was intently focused on what the teacher was saying.

"You know those dreams," said the teacher, "where you show up to class, and then you realize you're in your underwear? Except that you're teaching the class, and also it's not a dream?"

So he *is* aware he's not wearing pants, thought Shinji.

"Well," said the teacher, "instead of me prattling on about the Second Impact, today you're going to learn a lot about human psychology! Specifically, the psychology of a man whose sense of social responsibility has gradually eroded away as dream and reality become interchangeable in this surreal war-torn hell-scape that we call 'life.'"

The teacher looked out into the class. No one spoke.

"Ah, whatever," said the teacher. "Your assignment for today is to, uh, write an essay on why the Second Impact was bad."

Later that morning, Shinji was working on his essay by the side of the school's swimming pool, as one does, when Asuka entered the pool area. She walked over to Shinji.

"Hey, Shinji, watcha doing?"

"Working on my- Hah!" Shinji gasped when he saw Asuka in her two-piece bathing suit. He cleared his throat. "Ahem, my assignments. There's that essay we have to do, and also for math class, there's something about 'Taylor expansions' that I don't understand."

"Taylor expansions are easy!" said Asuka. "What're they asking? Let me see."

Asuka leaned over to look at his worksheets, putting her breasts right in front of Shinji's face. Shinji blushed. Asuka stood up.

"Let me explain it in terms even you can understand," said Asuka. "Let's say each of my breasts expand in diameter by 10%, and you want to approximate the increase in volume. You take the derivative of a volume of a sphere with respect to the radius, and-"

Just then, Kaworu entered the pool area in nothing but his swim briefs.

"-then multiply by the pre-expansion radius, and- Shinji! Shinji! Shinji! What are you looking at, Shinji?" Asuka turned to see Kaworu, who was walking toward Shinji. She scowled.

"Hi, Shinji," said Kaworu. "I hope your homework isn't too difficult. What are you studying?"

"I'm-" started Shinji.

Asuka interrupted. "I see how it is. The perfect woman isn't enough for you, because you need a man, is that right? Well, I can be twice the man that Kaworu can be!"

"Shinji," said Kaworu, "if there is a part of you that desires a more feminine partner, I can accomodate you."

"Oh, suck my dick, Kaworu!" said Asuka.

"Uh, I don't know!" said Shinji. "I like you both, but, of course, I'm dating Kaworu, Asuka."

"We did kiss, you know," Asuka said, smugly.

"I, uh, did kiss Asuka, Kaworu, but-"

"We did much more than kiss," said Kaworu.

"Right, Kaworu. Asuka and I haven't, uh..."

"We haven't what?" asked Asuka, threateningly.

"I mean, I've only done stuff with Asuka, Kaworu, I mean, Asuka, Kaworu, I mean, um, not with you."

"Figures," said Asuka. "It's just like Idiot Shinji to not kiss and tell. Figuratively, I mean. We did kiss, after all."

"Well, anyway," said Shinji, "I have to get back to my math homework and the essay on why the Second Impact was bad."

"The Second Impact was good, Shinji," said Kaworu.

"Hahaha, well, let's just agree to disagree," said Shinji.

"Morons," said Asuka. "You two deserve each other. I'm going swimming." Asuka turned to walk away.

"Okay, well, maybe Kaworu can help me with my math homework?"

Asuka turned back. "Of cosecant!" she said. "Not to go off on a tangent, but there's no sine of intelligence in his head. I bet anyone will cosine to that. And anyway, it's not like he can offer anything to match my elliptic curves. Except maybe a hairy ball theorem, heh heh heh."

"The fuck you talking about, Asuka?"

After school, Asuka, Rei, and Shinji were called to NERV Headquarters. Misato and Ritsuko stood before them.

"I have some good news and some bad news," said Misato. "The good news is, your school is having a field trip to a hot springs resort tonight."

Yes! thought Shinji.

"The bad news is, you guys won't be going."

Turds, thought Shinji.

"The three of you are needed for a special mission. Commander Ikari left a mug in a part of Tokyo-3 that is now underwater. It has a cow on it and says 'It's Moos-day.' Anyway, remember how we used special equipment to dive into magma some time ago? Well, to get under the water, we're also going to be using special equipment. It's called a 'self-contained underwater breathing apparatus', or 'scuba', and-"

Ritsuko leaned toward Misato and whispered something in her ear. Misato nodded and continued.

"-And apparently the mug was on the back of Commander Ikari's toilet the whole time. Mystery solved. You guys can go home."

Asuka raised her hand. "Do we at least get to go to the hot springs resort?"

"Unfortunately, the bus has already left."

"But that's not fair! When do we get to go?"

"Well, usually the school pays for a single trip... Now hold on, she thought. I could just use the NERV credit card again. I'm already in hot water, she chuckled. What's a little bit more?"

Everyone stared at Misato muttering to herself. Asuka raised her hand. "Does that mean we can go?"

"What? Oh, sure, I'll take you there tomorrow after school."

The next day, at the hot springs resort, Shinji and Pen Pen relaxed in an outdoor hot spring, on the male side of the divider between the male and female sections. Shinji overheard Asuka speaking on the other side of the wall.

"I'm sure Shinji's in here somewhere, Kaworu," Asuka said.

What? thought Shinji. Kaworu's here? What's he doing with Asuka?

Shinji then heard Kaworu's voice from across the wall. "Are you sure that I'm allowed in here?"

"You're fine, Kaworu!" said Asuka. "Oh, I think I pulled a muscle in my back. Maybe we should take a break. Why don't I lean against the wall, and you can massage my back."

Is she trying to get me jealous? thought Shinji. He stood up and listened closer to the wall.

Some silence followed, then Asuka started groaning. "Oh, yeah, Kaworu, that hits the spot! Oh! Yeah! Do it harder!"

Just what is Kaworu doing? thought Shinji. He continued listening, until Pen Pen cleared his throat, and Shinji realized he had a massive erection. "Ah!" he yelled as he sank into the water. "Taylor expansion. How embarrassing."

Asuka let out an exasperated sigh. "That's not how Taylor expansions work, Shinji!" she yelled across the wall.