Alas, poor Yourdick. The meat hath been beaten so fiercely that it doth make the cotton pickers wince…

Marie stopped in front of Lee and May for a second to take some breaths, dropping Double D on the ground.

"OUCH!!!" Double D yelled.

"Sorry sweetie, it's just that I'm...tired…" Marie said as she was on the verge of passing out (for real this time).

Lee and May stared at Marie, very confused.

"Hey sockhead, what's going on?" May asked.

Before Double D could reply, something could be heard in the distance.

"Hey, what's with that music in the background?" Lee asked

A very faint rendition of "Escape from the City" could be heard in the distance.

"Oh no, they're getting close!!!" Double D yelled.

The music was getting louder and louder, making Lee and May's eyes grow wide as they realized they would have to deal with the Spies again.

"JUMPIN' JACKEROFFS! IT'S THE TOTALLY FRIES!" May yelled.

"That's SPIES, you boner blasting dunderhead!" Lee replied.

"I could make homemade french fries with the salt from your tears!" May said smugly.

Ed immediately woke up upon hearing this.

"Did someone say French Fries?" Ed excitedly asked while looking around.

"Come on Ed, stand up and help us fight these crazy Spies!" Lee yelled, grabbing Ed and standing him up.

"Hey! Get your hands off my man!" May yelled.

For once, Lee actually listened to May.

"You're right, I have my own man!"

Lee pulled out a salt shaker from her cleavage and unscrewed the cap.

"What are you doing?" Double D asked.

"Wake the fuck up, samurai!" Lee yelled, stuffing the shaker up Eddy's nostrils and pouring it in.

Eddys' eyes shot open.

"WHEEEEEEEAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOGH!!!" Eddy screamed as tears welled up in his eyes.

Double D and May cringed a little at this while Ed just laughed a little.

"Lord help me, and I thought the Dead Sea was full of salt…" Double D commented with a slight cringe and held in laughter.

"We're all gonna be dead if we don't deal with those damn Spies. Come on honey, let's take these Spies out like a hot barbecue menu!" Lee yelled.

Eddy turned pale, Casper the (Un)Friendly Ghost white.

"SPIES??! No way Jose', I'm not going near those crazy whacked out cracked out Methheads!"

Eddy turned and ran in the other direction and ran. He immediately tripped over Jerry Lawler and hit the pavement face first.

"Owww! That's gonna leave a mark!" May yelled.

This woke Jerry up from his nap. He stood up while yawning and immediately noticed something was off.

"Hey, what's with that music?" Jerry asked.

Everyone looked to the Forest and saw that the Spies were getting close. The Spies had looks of crazed determination on their faces, and were running like Officer Earl from Cloudy With A "Chance Of Meatballs".

There's been a lot of balls lately, alright…

"I smell fish!! And poopy…" Ed stated.

"DOOOOODYYYYY!!!" Double D yelled with fear.

"SAVE ME! OH LORD SOMEONE SAVE ME!!!!!" Eddy yelled.

As the Spies finally caught up to the Kankers, Jerry interrupted their squab.

"Hold on, ladies...gentlemen too…" Jerry stated while getting between them.

"That's me!" Ed added.

The Spies stopped dead in their tracks to hear what Jerry had to say.

"Why don't we take this to the WWE SUUUUUPEEEEEEEERSLAAAAAAAM??! WATCH ON PAY PER VIEW NOW, ONLY 39.99!!" Jerry screamed at the top of his lungs while ripping his shirt off.

Everyone considered this for a moment. Well, everyone except for Eddy, who was recovering from the face plant.

"Uh... I dunno. I feel like Marie should be awake to decide." Lee commented.

Marie woke up energized from hearing this.

"I'M IN!!" Marie yelled.

"Wait were you actually sleeping or were you just pretending again?" May asked.

"Not important. What's important is the ass whooping we're going to put on those Bitches!" Lee replied, getting pumped up.

"Now wait one minute!" A voice that only Jerry was familiar with yelled.

"Vince McMahon?!"

Everyone turned to look at Vince, who was holding a WWE microphone. There was also an entire camera crew now surrounding the area.

"How ya doing, Jerry ol' pal? Figured I'd pay you a visit, and was happy to see you were already setting up our Main Event!" Vince said, directly into his mic.

"Wait a second, you knew I was here the entire time?" Jerry asked.

"Nope. Now, let's set the conditions for this match!"

Everyone was confused.

"What conditions? We're just going to fight." Marie said.

Vince's face lit up.

"Well for starters, how about we televise this event on a public broadcast instead of on pay per view? The ratings would go through the roof and beyond!" Vince suggested.

The Spies started to smile with glee.

"Did you hear that girls? Were going to be on TV!"

The Spies started to hug each other.

"I'm not done yet! Lee and May, you won't be fighting in this match!" Vince yelled.

"Wait? WHAT??!" Marie yelled.

"What's the big idea?!" Lee yelled.

"It's okay Lee! We can get popcorn and—" May started before Lee got mad and smacked her over the head.

"What's up with this, huh? You tryin' to prank us or something?!" Lee yelled.

"Simple, ratings!"

Everyone stared blankly at him for a few seconds.

"Well then who the fuck will I be fighting with? There's no way I can't take all three of them on!" Marie yelled.

Vince smiled.

"I'm glad you asked! Introducing your first partner… JOOOOOHHHHHNNNN CEEEEENNNNNAAAAAA!!!!!"

John Cena's theme song played loudly and memeably, the buff boi entered the ring. John Cena did his best to hype up the people watching the show. The extremely loud music caused Eddy to look up with fear in his eyes.

"NO! NOT HIM!!! PLEASE, HAVEN'T I SUFFERED ENOUGH?!" Eddy cried out while cowering.

As it turned out, no. He had not suffered enough.

"No need to fear, Eddy, because YOU! YES, YOU, WILL BE TEAMING UP WITH THE BLUE BIMBO AND THE LEGENDARY JOHN CENA AT WWE SUUUUUUUUPEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRSSSSLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMM!!!!" Vince yelled deafeningly loud into a microphone.

Eddy turned pale white and stared at Vince with a look of complete hopelessness.

"THAT'S EVEN WORSE!!!" Eddy yelled.

"Wow! We get to fuck up Eddy on TV?! This is a dream come true!!!" Alex happily said, while hugging Clover and Sam even tighter.

"Yeah, and I've been thinking up all-new ways we could Cock and Ball torture him!" Sam added.

Hearing this nearly made Eddy piss his pants in fear.

"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO MEEEE?!" Eddy cried.

"Because, ratings!" Vince responded, super casually.

"NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL 'MERICAN TELEVISION!" Dick Cheney yelled while getting out of his pick-up truck.

Everyone looked over to see Dick and George walking up to them, while a dubstep remix of the Merican National Anthem was playing.

"What are you guys doing here?" Jerry asked.

"We got lost again and debated on going home. But then we heard on the radio that there was going to be a WWE match here!" George explained.

"Yeah! We figured we'd make the most out of this trip." Dick added.

The Kanker sisters watched in absolute confusion.

"What the hell is even going on anymore?!" Lee asked, not sure if she should be confused or frustrated.

"No idea, but can we go back to me being called the Blue Bimbo?! What the fuck's that about Vince?!" Marie shouted.

"We were going to call you the Blue Bombshell, but after that porno of yours leaked-"

"Stop right there! I've explained 25 different times now that the blue-haired girl in that video was not me! Not every trailer trash girl with blue hair in a porno is MEEE!!!!" Marie scratched, visibly getting increasingly angry and annoyed.

Vince struggled to come up with a response to this. Fortunately for him though, he wouldn't have too.

"Say, what is this noise which sexually assaults Rolf's eardrums? Might it be the rousing crowd of a professional wrestling match?" Rolf asked, making motions next to his ears.

Johnny, Plank, and Nazz were standing behind Rolf, just as curious. Kevin was there too, but only because they dragged his unconscious body with them.

"Uhh, yes! The match of a lifetime is being held here in your Cul-De-Sac!" Vince replied.

Johnny was extraordinarily happy to hear this.

"Did you hear that buddy?! We're finally going to see a WWE match in person!" Johnny excitedly said to Plank.

Nazz did not comment because her mind was still broken and she would probably never recover.

"Hmm yes, the old fashioned matchup of brain versus brawn! And wiener versus sinkhole!" Rolf yelled, flexing a bit.

Vince paused for a moment, processing what Rolf had said.

"Yeah! Let's go with that!"

Vince turned back to face everyone else.

"Now, let's get the stage set and get ready for some good old fashioned WRESTLING!!!!"

Pyrotechnics went off, lighting up the sky. Helicopters could be seen flying in, carrying a professional WWE ring, a few bleachers, and two announcer tables. Two Mexican announcers could also be seen being carried by one of the helicopters.

"How did you get all the stuff here so quickly?" Double D asked.

"...Tune in next chapter for the match of a lifetime!!!" Vince yelled, directly into his mic while staring directly at you, the reader and or readers.

Penis