"Where's Jake, Sweet Pea?" My mom asks as I walk through the door.
"Oh…um, he had to leave. There's an emergency back home with one of his cases. He had to catch a red-eye."
"Aw, that's too bad. He works too much."
"The life of a successful lawyer," I sigh, chewing on my thumbnail.
"I guess so. Anyhow, how did the banquet go?"
"Oh…it was really….fun. We had a good time."
"Okay, you've barely said anything without being prompted, and you're staring off into space, chewing your nail like it's your last me… Oh my God! Is that what I think it is?" She grabs my hand and runs her thumb across the base of my ring finger.
"Um…."
"This is an engagement ring," she gasps. "You're getting married?"
"Um…yes, it looks like it." I chuckle nervously.
"Oh, Bella, I'm so happy for you! Charlie!" She yells up the stairs.
She squeezes me so hard, I think I'll pop. She's so excited that I don't have the heart to tell her the truth.
"Mom…um…I just remembered I have to go back to the hotel. We were having breakfast when he got the call about work and had to rush to catch his flight. We didn't get a chance to checkout properly. I need to settle the bill." I have get out of the house before my father joins in, and I'm forced to tell another lie.
"But you just got here, and I'm sure you can call them and settle the bill over the phone, Bella"
"I know, but we left some items there that I need to pick up as well. I'll be back a little later."
"All right, Sweetheart," she says dejectedly as my dad comes down the stairs.
"What's all the screeching about?"
"I'll tell you all about it when I get back, Dad." I wordlessly beseech my mom not to mention a thing. I know she'll understand.
I hop into the rental car that Jake left behind. I have to find a place where I can quietly think about the last twelve hours.
When I first suspected what Jake was planning, I had misgivings, I even felt panic, but he erased those when he proposed, only to recreate the same feelings. I want to fucking kill him when I think about our morning.
He's made yet another grand gesture by ordering every item on the breakfast menu to be served on the patio.
He watches me intently, a wide smile almost permanently etched onto his face.
"Pick a date."
I put down my orange juice and frown at him.
"We just got engaged. What's the rush? I need time to tell my parents, and you know I want a huge wedding, so I won't be rushing. I plan on spending all of your money on my dream wedding, Jacob Black," I joke and reach across the table to feed him a piece of melon off my fork.
"Okay…fine," he mumbles with his mouth full. "I just want to be married to you as soon as possible."
"Don't worry. You have me, I'm not going anywhere." I slide off my chair and onto his lap. "In the meantime, we can still have some pre-marital fun." I run kisses down his neck and slowly move down his bare chest. He hums his approval and twists his hand in my hair.
"Pre-marital…is always fun."
"Mmmhmm."
"Especially, when there are three parties involved. I know the perfect person to join us."
"Excuse me, what the fuck did you just say?" I snap.
I grip my golf club and take a vicious swing at the ball, missing it altogether.
"Shit!"
It was foolish of me to think that coming to this place would put me in a better mood.
I take another swing, just skimming the top of the ball, only moving it a few inches.
"Goddamn it!"
"Need some help there?"
I look up in surprise, to see him looking like the picture-perfect golfer, white pants, navy blue polo shirt that hugs his biceps perfectly. He fastens his white, navy-trimmed golfing gloves as he approaches.
"Are you following me, now?"
"I've never stalked in my life. I'm actually an experienced, exceptional golfer; unlike some of us I can see," he teases.
I swing again and miss my mark entirely.
"Damn it, damn it, damn it!" I chop at the turf in frustration.
"Easy there, Happy Gilmore, they're going to fine you for that."
"Shut up, Edward." I plant my feet and rock back and forth slightly to settle myself. I look at the target and back down at the base of my club and swing, sending a chunk of grass, which he effortlessly dodges, flying toward him.
"Your form is all wrong."
"I swear if you say one more word, the next piece is coming right at your head," I spit out.
"No need for violence. Here, let me help you."
I didn't even realize that he's right behind me, until I feel his cool hands mine on my club. I begin to protest, but he cuts me off.
"Don't hunch over so much." His voice is low and smooth in my ear.
I glance at him over my shoulder and swallow hard before I straighten my position.
"Good, now spread your legs."
Come again?
I turn, and find myself eye-to-eye with him. My fingers are gripping the club so tightly that my hands are beginning to sweat.
"Just do it." His eyes roll dramatically, and I oblige. "Good girl," he praises.
"Release some of the tension in your fingers."
"Let yourself feel the power you have over it."
His eyes drop down to the base of the club, but I'm still looking at his concentrated expression, jaw clenching, eyebrows slightly knitted together.
"Do you feel that?"
I don't trust my voice, so I say nothing.
"Follow my movement," he says, and I do. He draws the club back and swings. We land a perfect hit, and it goes flying toward the green and lands next to the hole.
"Perfect shot," he whispers in my ear. "Now, go put her away."
He walks away to finish unloading his equipment. I blink at him, and he must sense me watching him.
"Are you going to do it anytime soon? I'd liked to get a couple of strokes in."
My eyebrows shoot up, and he looks at me over his shoulder, just as shocked. He smiles sheepishly and shakes his head, not bothering to amend himself. It's probably better that he doesn't.
.
.
.
"Thanks for the golf lesson," I say, before taking a bite of my chicken salad. He nods and takes a sip of his bottled water
"Anytime. I'm glad to know you don't think I was using it just for a chance to get close to you. And thank you for lunch, by the way."
"I don't think that, and it's the least I can do, given my behavior toward you last night and again today."
I decided that having wrongly taken my frustrations about my personal life out on him, the least I could do, is to offer him a meal as a thank you for putting up with it.
It's warm, yet a little breezy; perfect for lunching outside at the club.
"I actually kind of enjoyed last night's behavior," he laughs.
I roll my eyes, not able to hide the smile I'm trying hard to suppress.
"So…when's the wedding?" He clears his throat uncomfortably.
For a brief second, I think about asking how the hell he knows, but I realize I'm wearing the evidence on my finger. I'd forgotten I have it on.
"No date has been set," I don't bother to offer anything more.
"Do you love him?"
My eyes fly up to meet the green storm looking back at me.
"Did you love Lauren?" I bite back, not expecting him to answer, but rather to drop the subject altogether.
"At one point I did love her."
"And what happened?"
He lets out a deep sigh and looks away. He's still not comfortable with speaking about himself.
"You know what happened."
So, I guess we're doing this today.
"So, you just stopped loving her because the two of you lost a child?"
"It's not that black and white."
I watch as he looks anywhere but at me. He pinches the bridge of his nose.
"You're getting annoyed."
His eyes return to mine, and he frowns.
"What? No…no I'm not getting annoyed. I'm just…"
"It wasn't a question, Edward. I'm familiar with almost every one of your quirks. I know when you're irritated. You pinch the bridge of your nose when you're getting annoyed. When you run your hand through your hair it's usually because you're nervous.".
"You think you have me all figured out," he smirks.
"And that…that right there…that smirk, is a clear sign of avoidance. So, why don't we just cut out all the quirks and get to root of the problem."
"Wow, just like that, huh? You want me to just give up all my secrets."
"Not all of them. We can start with a few."
"So, we're doing this now, not waiting for Chicago."
"When an opportunity presents itself, I was taught to jump on it."
I know there are a million and one comments he could make in response, and I'm glad he chooses to forgo any of them.
"What I said before is true. I fell in love with Lauren sometime later into our marriage, but she destroyed it with insecurities and the games she played."
"Do you think maybe she played games because she was insecure? Yes, it's a rhetorical question."
"So, you don't expect me to answer?" He knits his eyebrows together in confusion.
I think for a moment and realize that I do want hear what he has to say.
"I would like to hear an answer."
"Yes, I think she played games because she was insecure."
"All right then," I say pointedly.
"But…she has always played games because she was insecure. It wasn't anything new, and I wasn't the cause of it. It started before we were married. Hell, it started before the night we slept together." He adds a little more forcefully.
The waiter comes over to refresh our water glasses and asks if we need anything else. We both decline and sit in silence until he leaves.
"Correct me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't the womanizing and cheating play a part, if not the biggest part, in someone's insecurities?"
"Correct."
"Although it wouldn't be a correct observation in this situation." His elaboration is confusing, and I'm teetering on the brink of just telling him to forget this whole session, when he continues to explain.
"I didn't cheat on Lauren. Yes, I was in love with another woman when we first got together, but I never strayed. I realized that sleeping with Lauren and getting her pregnant was my responsibility. I knew I had a choice to make and Lauren and my son was it."
"Then you must have amnesia, because I clearly recall you admitting that you had sex with Irina at your wedding. That's cheating, Edward," I snap, and I realize that I'm not responding as a therapist.
He shakes his head and looks away. My words have once again hit their mark, but this time I didn't mean for them to come out the way they did.
"I think it's time to call it a day," he signals for the waiter and pulls out his credit card.
"Did you or did you not cheat on Lauren at your wedding, Edward?" My voice escalates somewhat.
"What the fuck do you think? Why are you asking me questions you already know the answers to?"
"Because you seem to have a mental block when it comes to this one particular subject. Are you going to tell me that it's not considered cheating because you were technically in love with another woman, that it didn't count? Or you were just getting it out of your system? As you put it the other day."
He runs his hand through his hair, and I recognize the sign right away.
Nervousness.
"Why did you do that, Edward? Why would you cheat on your wife on your wedding day?"
"Because it wasn't supposed to be her! I wasn't supposed to be marrying her! I knew it, and I just couldn't figure out how I'd gotten in that predicament. Fuck, Bella….I….I was wrong. I know that, but I couldn't say goodbye to her…Irina. I couldn't just walk away. I promised the woman I loved a future, and I had to rip it all away from her, because I knew I had to give my kid the best life I could; the kind of life my father gave me."
I silently watch as he unravels before me. This is hard for him, and I've never realized it until now.
"I couldn't be that selfish. I couldn't tell my parents. I couldn't go to them and say, 'Mom, Dad, good news, you're going to be grandparents, oh, and by the way, Irina's not the one having the baby, it's Lauren,' then only to further crush them by saying I couldn't marry Lauren and give our child a loving home, with two parents; because I was in love with another woman? They would've been disgusted with me. I was disgusted with myself for even considering it even for a brief moment."
"You considered not marrying, Lauren?"
"Hell yes, I considered it! Irina was so hurt when Lauren showed up with that pregnancy test. I spent weeks trying to convince her that we could make it work, but she couldn't accept that her best friend and the man she loved were having a child together. Then Lauren asked her to be her matron of honor. I couldn't believe it! It was like she was delusional. She didn't care at all that Irina was hurt, just that she finally had me."
"But…Irina agreed to be her maid of honor, right?" I ask, totally confused by it all.
"To this day, I can't tell you why she agreed to that. I think Lauren spun it to look like the victim. I don't know. All I know is, that on my wedding day, I felt claustrophobic. I just wanted to get the day over with. My parents were happy, Lauren's parents wanted to kill me. It was chaos. I disappeared into one of the rooms at the church to get some air, and that's when I ran into Irina. She was crying. She threw herself at me, hysterically pleading with me to leave with her so we could be together. I didn't know what to do. She kept asking me if I loved her, all the while tearing at my clothes, frantically, begging me to make love to her one last time, and I couldn't lie to her. I couldn't deny her. Her heart was being torn out, and it was my fault. I didn't know how to stop it…." He pauses and looks pointedly at me. "You know how the rest of the story turns out."
"I thought maybe you were embellishing at that session just to piss your wife off and to annoy me."
"No, it happened just like that," he scoffs, raising an eyebrow at me.
So he did fuck the maid of honor on a chaise lounge in a church on his wedding day. Holy Moses!
The waiter finally comes over and takes his card, and I stop him, handing him my card instead.
"Lunch is on me, remember."
The waiter looks to Edward for confirmation, and he reluctantly nods.
"So, why didn't you leave with Irina?"
"The baby."
"Let's just say for argument's sake that what happened at your wedding was a delicate situation. You made a mistake, but what about now; all the womanizing and cheating; and the tapes? Did Lauren deserve all of that just because she was the wrong woman?"
"Lauren and I were over, Bella," he sighs in exasperation.
"You were still married, Edward. It counts."
"We were over! And she knew it! There was nothing she could do to make me stay with her!"
"But you did stay with her." I correct.
"I meant stay with her." He air quotes. "I wasn't about to be faithful any longer, and let's get one thing straight, I stayed married to her because she was blackmailing me."
"She was using the videos to lock you into the marriage?"
"Yes, she was, until I no longer chose to be a slave to that. You can only threaten someone so many times with the same shit before it gets old. She fucked up, not once, but twice," he snaps, "firstly by what she did and secondly by telling me about it. We. Were. Over."
"Are you talking about the night she lost the baby? Edward, what did Lauren do? How did she mess up?" I ask, convinced there must be more to the story than just the loss of their child.
"No…I'm done with this right now. We did well today, right?" He stands up from his chair, looking down at me.
"Edward, wait," I stand up with him. "We're making progress. Please, I want to know more about what happened."
"All the bits and pieces, huh, Doctor Swan? The very last fig leaf plucked, leaving me naked for the world to see. That's what you want, isn't it?"
"Only you would refer to yourself as a cherub or Adam." I shake my head.
"A cherub, no, Adam maybe…now that was one stupid fucker, believing everything a woman told him. Women have all the power," he scoffs.
"Why do you say that?"
"They just do," he shrugs. "And correction, cherubs didn't wear fig leaves, Bella"
What the hell does that have to do with anything?
"I know this. You said naked for the world to see. That would be a cherub. Adam wore a fig leaf."
"Touché, Doctor Swan." He smiles in amusement.
"But why do you compare yourself to Adam?"
"Don't be such a shrink, Bella. It was just an expression. Let it go."
He's retreating, and I don't know how to bring him back into the session.
"Edward…."
"You looked so beautiful last night," he says softly, reaching out to brush away a strand of hair that's blowing around my face.
His hand is warm and gentle against my cheek. I duck my head subtly, trying to break contact, but it's too late to avoid the electric feeling that shoots through my body.
"Jacob, that's his name, right….does he have any idea how amazingly lucky he is?"
I pull his hand away from my face, feeling awkward that this moment seems to have turned into something more than an impromptu counseling session.
He holds on to my hand, holding it aloft to inspect the ring.
"Congratulations, Bella." He draws my hand to his mouth and presses his lips gently against the back of it before he turns and walks away, leaving me with my head reeling.