This chapter starts a time jump.

~*Chapter Fifteen*~

-Head Full of Doubt-

7 months later

...BB…

"Bella, dear, you need to rest." Mrs. Levitt says, hobbling around the house, picking up after Nova and Jack Jack.

Mrs. Levitt has been my fucking lifeline.

The first couple of months after Emmett died, I woke up every morning expecting to roll over and find Emmett snoring next to me.

Every fucking morning.

There will always be a part of me missing - that he took with him when he died - but for Nova, Jack Jack and the baby growing inside me, I have to do everything in my power to move on.

It really is so fucking hard, though.

I just want to hear morning, sweetheart.

Or even just sweetheart.

"I'm fine, Mrs. Levitt," I say, waddling like her hobbling, to get the house clean before Nova gets home to trash it all over again.

The past seven months have been fucking brutal.

That day Alice walked out was the last day we saw her. While she has every right to be angry, I'm fucking angrier because she left Nova and Jack Jack without a backwards glance and that's something I will never forgive. They don't deserve to be left by everybody they've ever loved because of my stupid fucking mistakes.

From what I've heard through stilted conversations with Mary, Alice packed up her shit and moved across the fucking country to live with Jasper.

How dare she walk out on Nova like she never meant anything to her.

We all suffer through our pains in different ways, but what she did to Nova and Jack Jack is so fucking unacceptable.

If she ever comes back, I'm going to kick her fucking ass.

I am - indeed - pregnant if the huge belly I'm sporting is anything to go by. I want to be thrilled that Emmett left me with a part of him growing inside me, but the fuck of it all is, did he? For all I know, this is Edward's baby.

Edward.

I can't lie and say I haven't thought about him at all in the seven months since he left me, and he did leave me. As much as it kills me to admit it, I miss him. Our meeting in life was so at the wrong fucking time, and I've paid - am still paying - for it. But if this is his baby, he should know.

I just don't know if it is. I don't have it in me to find him and tell him for no reason at all. If I'm being honest, I don't know how I'll ever face him again.

While I'm wracked with guilt over what I did to an unknowing Emmett before he died, a miniscule part of my soul cries for Edward.

Is it really possible two men were meant to be mine at one point in my life?

No fucking way!

Jack Jack runs screeching into the living room, Tiger on his heels, and I feel for him. He's just as terrified as I am of that little bald bitch.

"Mama!" He yells, running right for me on his cute little legs.

I bend and pick him up just in time. "No like Tiga," he says, using his feet to push up my belly.

I no like Tiga, too.

You'd think I'd be used to the little rat, but he still makes me uneasy. I know he's out to get me, I just fucking know it.

"Aww, Tiger's a good little kitty," Mrs. Levitt says, reaching down to grab the hairless ball sack up into her arms. "Isn't that right?"

Tiger purrs and rubs his gross face into Mrs. Levitt's neck, and I swear Jack Jack and I have the same look of disgust on our own faces.

Mrs. Levitt takes Tiger and locks him in Nova's room, and I put Jack back on his feet. He immediately runs wild and makes a mess of what we've already started to clean.

It's fucking hopeless to even try.

The first couple of months, Nova was a wreck - rightfully so - and I was on fucking edge.

Emmett was everything to her and losing him broke her so completely. There's not a day that goes by that she doesn't bring him up in some way, and it kills me to hear it, but she's at the age where she will never forget him, and I don't want her to.

Jack Jack loved his daddy, but he's so young that he doesn't realize that Emmett's gone and never coming back.

I'll hear a dada every once in a while, but that's it. It fucking sucks to know he'll never really know what a fucking awesome, funny guy Emmett was.

Mornings around here suck, too, when it comes time to getting Nova onto that bus.

"He's locked up tight, dear," Mrs. Levitt says. "He won't bother Jack."

"Thanks, Mrs. Levitt."

"Well, I better get on home. You call if you need me."

I kiss her cheek and walk her out, my eyes going to Edward's house like they've done for the past seven fucking months. I can't help but look to see if he's come home - if he ever does.

Mrs. Levitt catches me and gives me a pat on the cheek with a sad smile.

Edward left Mrs. Levitt, too!

If not for Mrs. Levitt, I would have packed up our house and left this place for good.

In a way the memories are too much and not enough, but I couldn't imagine just leaving behind the house and life I shared with Emmett even if he is no longer here to share it with us.

A month or two after he died, I told Mrs. Levitt I wanted to leave, and she told me to do whatever my heart was telling me to do. She also told me that it might be better that Emmett left this earth not knowing what happened between Edward and me.

That killed.

It also didn't relieve me of the guilt I still feel everyday knowing he died thinking he left behind his beautiful kids and a wife that was perfectly crazy in his eyes.

I still can't get over it.

I can wake up each day and live, but it's always in the back of mind - the betrayal.

It's also growing inside of me.

I can say over and over that I don't know whose baby is growing inside me, but I know in my soul that it's Edward's.

I can just fucking feel it.

Mrs. Levitt gives me a wave, and I watch until she's inside her house to shut the door.

Jack Jack is laying on the couch, eyes getting droopy, so I sneak past him and into the kitchen to start dinner for when Nova gets home.

My eyes don't stop straying to Edward's the entire fucking time.

I should know where he is. There are only two choices - Forks or Florida. You'd think I could just give him a fucking ring, but I never called him. There was never a reason to when he was just across the street.

Mrs. Levitt has his number and his whereabouts, but back in the early stages of grief I told her to never give them to me.

I wonder how often she talks to him - if he misses me like my treacherous heart misses him.

Mrs. Levitt is such a good listener, though. Sometimes I wish she'd betray me and tell Edward what's happened in his absence.

I fucking wish.

~o~O~o~

"Can we bring Tiger and Bear with us?"

Oh fuck no!

"They can't be left all alone, mama. What if they die?"

Dammit.

"Fine, Nova, but Tiger has to stay in the cage the entire trip. I mean it."

She nods and grins that devious smile, and I know I'm fucking in for it. Bringing a tiger and bear on a two hour drive to see dad for Thanksgiving can only end in disaster.

Two hours may not seem like a lot, but it totally fucking is.

Bear is the size of a big fat bulldog now, and I love the fuck out of him. He's house trained, and we let him live inside, but he knows how to do his business outside like a good boy - unlike Tiger who still shits in shoes and pees on pillows.

Disgusting little rodent.

Mrs. Levitt is worried about me traveling - hence the reason she's spending Thanksgiving with us - but there's a hospital in Prescott just like there's one here if I was going to go into labor.

I pack the rest of the suitcase with Nova and Jack Jack's clothes and a separate bag for diapers and wipeys plus snacks.

I hope Mrs. Levitt can hold down the job of catering to their every whim on the road since I'll be driving.

After rolling the suitcases into the living room and parking them at the front door, I head back down the hall to use the restroom before forcing Nova to go even though she just did. She will be the first one to make us stop because she can't fucking hold it.

"Can I bring my drum set?" Nova asks like a straight up crazy person.

"No, you cannot. You'll bust grandpa's ear drums."

"He'll like them," she says, crossing her arms and tapping her foot like she has a real chance of winning this argument.

"You're not taking them. Don't even think about arguing."

She stomps off down the hall mumbling something I can't even understand, and I don't want to be afraid, but she's always been such a little monster.

I used to be able to throw Emmett under the bus and threaten to get daddy, but obviously that won't work anymore. I've had to really lay down the hatchet now.

"Knock, knock," Mrs. Levitt calls, letting herself into the house.

"I'll be right out."

Two sets of steps run down the hall to greet Mrs. Levitt just as the sound of a motorcycle rents the air.

There's no way it can be him.

I walk down the hall and straight to the kitchen window on shaky legs, and my fucking eyes are not deceiving me when I see Edward standing next to his motorcyle in his front yard.

Oh my fucking God!

My fucking God!

He's everything I remember, and I can't look away. I can hear Nova and Jack Jack jibbering to Mrs. Levitt somewhere behind me, but Edward is back.

"Bella, dear, are you okay…" Mrs. Levitt takes a good look at my face and rushes to me - as much as the poor lady can rush - and frets over me. "...is everything okay? Is it the baby? My gosh, dear, are you in labor?"

I want to laugh but I also want to cry. I shake my head, and croak, "I'm fine."

"You scared ten years off my life," she says, patting my belly gently. "Come on, come take a seat."

She forces me to sit at the kitchen table and gives me a glass of water, and I drink it all in one gulp, and feel my heart beating too fucking fast in my chest.

Edward's home.

He's fucking home, and I'm about to pop with his baby. It's his. I know it is, and he doesn't know. He doesn't fucking know I'm pregnant with his child, and he's home, and we're bound to fucking run into each other.

Oh my God.

Why didn't I just tell him?

"Bella, you have to breathe, dear."

I take a deep breath and wipe my wet eyes, then another breath and wipe my wet eyes again. "He's home," I whisper.

She nods and rubs a shaky hand through my hair. "I know. I called him," she says, shocking the fucking shit out of me.

"What!"

"Nova, take your brother to your room and play me a song on those drums of yours."

"Really? What song do you want?"

"Do you know many, dear?"

She nods excitedly, and she really is a fucking cute monster. "I know lots!"

"Whichever your heart desires," Mrs. Levitt says, and Nova grabs Jack Jack's hand and leads him down the hall and into her room.

When the drums start that wild beat, Mrs. Levitt pulls her chair out, and continues to blow my mind.

"He knows your pregnant."

I gasp and wrap a hand over my swollen belly. "You told him?"

She nods and places a hand over mine. "He needed to know, dear. I didn't want to have to do it, but when months and months went by and you never asked for his number...he needed to know."

I want to be so fucking pissed. I want to yell at this nosy old lady, but I can't because somewhere deep down inside, I'm glad he knows.

"He was upset to find out by me, I will say," Mrs. Levitt goes on. "That's something you and him will have to deal with."

I nod. "I can't believe you told him." I do believe it, I really do.

"It had to be done."

"We have to go," I say, pushing to my feet. "Dad's expecting us."

Mrs. Levitt shakes her head. "He's expecting us tomorrow, dear. I let him know of the change of plans."

"Mrs. Levitt!"

What a fucking meddling old lady she is.

"I made the children some mac and cheese before I came over. I'll take them home with me while you figure out what you're going to do."

"You mean what you're forcing me to do," I can't help but say.

"It had to be done."

She pats my cheek and hobbles down the hall toward Nova's music and Jack's excited screams. I listen to her telling them to get their shoes on because they're having dinner with her tonight.

I can't see Edward.

What the fuck would I even say?

"We're off, dear. Take your time."

She closes the door, and I shake my head and sob.

I sob for Emmett all over again.

I sob because I fucking miss Alice.

And I fucking sob because Edward's home, and I'm not ready to face him because really the second I heard his motorcycle, I wanted nothing more than to let him soothe my aching heart and my tortured soul.

When will it all stop fucking hurting?

~o~O~o~

...EC…

He's been home over an hour, and he's fucking dying to walk over to Bella's and see what he's been fucking missing.

It's been eight months - eight fucking months - since he's laid eyes on that pretty face and those thundercloud eyes.

Fuck, he misses her.

When he left town all those months ago, it physically hurt him to do it. Taping that note on her door was such a pussy thing to do but, he couldn't force her to see him.

What she went through was tragic, and he knew that seeing him everyday would only remind Bella of what they'd done, and she'd hate him. He couldn't bear for her to hate him.

Mrs. Levitt - the nosy neighbor, bless her fucking heart - called him two months later to give him the news of Bella's pregnancy.

It fucking sucked hearing it from her. It fucking sucked more not knowing if she carried his baby or Emmett's.

If he was a good guy, he'd pray the baby was Emmett's, but he's so fucking selfish, he wants that baby to be his - theirs.

It has to be.

Mrs. Levitt insists it is.

He's never wanted someone to be right more than he wants Mrs. Levitt to be right.

He pulls the sonogram picture that Mrs. Levitt mailed him out of his jacket pocket and stares at the precious little peanut, wanting to just fucking cry like a goddamn baby for missing him or her grow all these months.

Fuck, he doesn't know how he stayed away so long - how he fucking survived it.

Leaning his arms on the kitchen sink, he stares out the window at Bella's house just waiting for her to open that door, so he can see her pretty face and that swollen belly.

He saw Mrs. Levitt take Nova and Jack over to her house - all a part of her devious plan - and he's been waiting with his heart in his throat for Bella to make the move.

Just when he's about to say fuck it and go pound on her door, her front door opens, and she steps through.

All the breath leaves his lungs, and he grips the counter top in his hands to stop him from throwing his door open.

She's so goddamn beautiful.

His head drops down, and he takes deep breaths to calm his fucking nerves. This is Bella - his fucking princess - and whether she wants him or not, he's here to fucking stay.

For her.

For their baby.

~o~O~o~

…BB…

What am I doing?

What the fuck am I doing?

This feels like the beginning all over again except I'm no longer married but only because my husband is dead.

Edward's inside that house probably waiting for me to finish what we started, but things are different now.

I'm not going to just climb into his bed and start where we left off.

Emmett is dead, and I can't just move on with Edward.

Right?

Do I even want to?

All I want is to see his face, tell him he's most likely going to be a dad, and let him decide if he wants to be a part of his or her life.

I couldn't bear to find out the gender. I wanted to be surprised.

Does Edward hate me?

I had no problem letting him inside me when Emmett was fucking alive and now that he's dead, I suddenly have a concious.

God, it fucking hurts to even think about. Maybe this was a bad idea.

I pause at the edge of his yard and look toward the garage, the place that was the beginning of the worst nightmare I've ever lived.

I'm crying again, and I'm so fucking tired of crying.

The sick thing is, is I don't have to beg Emmett for his forgiveness. He'll never know what I did, what I created while he was off saving lives and dying.

His life ended while another one began, and I have to live with the knowledge that I'm okay - that I'll be okay.

Without Alice.

Without Emmett - because I fucking have to be.

My feet walk through dead grass and up the steps to the heart pilferer and soul destroyer.

I don't even have to knock because the door is pulled open before I can, and if the tears weren't already flowing, they'd be pouring at the sight of Edward standing before me.

He lifts his chin - lifts his fucking chin - and says, "Hey, princess." His green eyes are everywhere and nowhere, and my grays devour him - not because I want him, but because I missed him.

How could I have missed him?

"Hey, thief," I rasp, look away, shove my hands in my back pocket.

My eyes jerk to his when I feel hands on my belly - soft and exploring - and I want to die when he says, "Do you still feel it, princess? Us?"

I bite my lip and shake my head. "I let you steal me," I say, my heart swelling inside my chest. "I shouldn't have let you steal me."

"Do you finally hate me?" He asks, hands still moving, eyes riveted to my belly.

I want to hate him. I want so badly to fucking hate him, but none of this is his fault. He may have made it obvious he wanted me, but I acted on it.

"I don't hate you, Edward."

I fucking hate myself!