A/N: I know it's been a while. I'm gradually trying to get back into writing so many stories and regaining any sense of consistency. This year was kinder than the last but it was less productive as I had infinitely more distractions and dramas to work out. Anyway, thank you for continuing to read and enjoy and I have already started the next chapter so hopefully it won't be months before it's release.
Exhaustion was a familiar feeling to Amon but that did not make it welcome. Her body ached and her limbs were heavy but rest remained a distant, fleeting hope as she made her rounds around the territory of Alaric. She went from checkpoint to checkpoint to finalize her plans and exalt her king in his own name. She wondered if he'd be angry to learn she had tricked him into signing paperwork for the dispersement of supplies to the corners of his kingdom.
She'd warned him multiple times to not be so trusting of paperwork, to read it thoroughly before signing.
It wasn't really a crime to help people anyway, no matter what his temper might suggest.
However, it was incredibly time consuming. Amon had spent the last two days making sure each area on her list had received the proper materials in the proper amounts with the proper notifications that these mercies were from the new king. And of course, with the invitations.
Everyone had to receive an invitation.
She was rounding up the RSVPs, in a way.
Now she found herself back in the west without her royal escort, on tired feet scorched through the soles by an endless sea of sand. Alaric was larger than she'd dreamed as a child. Larger than she'd been warned. If she had known then what she knew now what would it have changed in her? Would she still have left with the threat of this behemoth territory looming over her minuscule homeland? Would she have trained harder?
Who would she have been if she'd understood the threat that Alaric presented?
She'd always known. Stories had made their way to her ears from a young age. Her grandfather had spun tales. Immigrants spilled their secrets. She'd always worried about the distant, unfriendly eyes watching their every move. So maybe it wouldn't have changed much.
Or maybe it would have changed everything.
"Young Amon, what brings you back to our corner of the land?" Ahmya greeted her on the outskirts of the village, flanked again by her two top men. Amon bowed deeply in greeting, one arm bent over her stomach and the other down at her side.
"I came to see how you're fairing." Amon offered a smile, wan, in return to the kindness the other woman showed. "And perhaps I could beg a stay in the inn?"
"What has you so far from the capitol? Especially without the king?" Ahmya nodded and began guiding Amon toward the village proper.
Amon looked around as they walked. As tired as she was, she did still deeply want to know the town had begun to rebuild. Pleased, she noted the raised garden beds in front of some of the homes had started to grow. "Are the mines more secure?"
"Haven't had a collapse in weeks." Ahmya informed her. "Thanks to the beams the king sent us for structural support."
"He'll be pleased."
"I'm sure he will." From her tone, Amon inferred that perhaps Ahmya was wise to the ploy. "I can't wait to thank him in person when I attend this event of his."
"The event is for him, but I'm actually the one behind it. I'm thankful you'll be there. It is meant to be a celebration of the entire territory after all." Amon explained lightly. "Alaric has made great strides in recent months and I just want everyone to see that."
"Well I can't speak for the rest of the territory but we have definitely grown." Ahmya stopped in front of the inn, facing Amon. Carefully, a wizened palm cupped Amon's cheek. "You should rest, young Amon. You look weary."
"Soon. There is someone else I need to visit." Amon leaned into the touch, the rough skin reminding her of warm tree bark which comforted a broken piece of her soul.
"Ah, yes. Chikao is at his shop."
"Thank you." Amon removed herself from the touch of the village leader's hand and began walking toward the tattoo parlor. She could fall asleep in the chair again, it wouldn't matter. She had her sketches to offer and she trusted Chikao's work to fill in the gaps. Everything was almost in place, all of her hard work was so close to paying off.
There was nothing wrong with falling prey to her selfish need to look lovely as an art piece on the big day.
"Do you know where you little dog is?" Takeo demanded, barging into Hiei's office, nearly knocking Benji over in his haste. Hiei glowered up at him from his seat behind his desk, poured over papers that Amon usually read to him.
"You almost spilled my tea." He commented dryly.
"Well, do you?"
"Do I what?"
"Know where that mongrel is?" He seethed.
"If you're talking about Amon, then she's on leave." Hiei smoothed his face out to hide his own annoyance with her and the situation.
"Well I hope she's enjoying her vacation. If you'd like to read up on it, here." Takeo tossed a report onto the desk unceremoniously. "She's apparently been bouncing from city to city around the territory rallying up discontent like the menace she is. We've all received reports of her showing up in our outposts, talking to city leaders."
Hiei skimmed through the report, his brow pinched in confusion. Amon was wandering the territory? Why? He didn't want to show his lack of knowledge. These cretins were biting at the bit for a reason to pull her in line and he wasn't about to give them another scrap to work with. He set the report down and stared harshly.
"Amon serves a variety of functions at my request, that's her job." He spoke firmly. "Don't barge into my office again with your angry theories."
"So you're saying she's supposed to be in the west right now."
"I'm saying that Amon is my servant and unless she is brandishing a sword or otherwise trying to murder someone, just assume she's acting to my orders."
"This is why they think you're weak." Takeo told him in the coldest tone Hiei had heard in ages before sweeping from the room.
Benji shook in place, the contents of his tray clinking as they vibrated over the surface. Hiei watched him for a second and it clicked in his mind how young Benji actually was. He was just a child, probably younger than Yusuke had been when they'd first met. No wonder Amon had asked him to be kinder.
"Are you hurt?" Hiei asked to distract himself from his mounting frustration with Amon, her antics and the trouble she was causing him.
"Sir?" Benji asked in a shaken voice, eyes wide and ears flopped down and back.
"It's not a hard question, Benji. Answer it." Hiei snapped at him. "Are you hurt or not? You were hit with the door when he slammed it open weren't you?"
Benji only then seemed to realize that Hiei was correct and he had actually been struck by the door. He looked at his arm and then down at the tray and shook his head fervently. "No sire."
"No you're not hurt or no it didn't hit you?"
Benji looked up at him then down again becoming smaller with each breath Hiei took. "It did hit me. I'm not injured. You shouldn't concern yourself with such things. Your tea is getting cold."
He set the tray down in a hurry but managed to save the pot from spilling. With jittery motions he poured the liquid into a waiting cup while Hiei watched, then he bowed his head and stepped back as though he were waiting to be dismissed. Hiei pursed his lips, eyes narrowed. The boy was acting strangely.
"Is Miss Amon in trouble?" He asked quietly, not looking up from his shoes.
"Not yet." Hiei allowed. "Why? Do you know something about what she's up to?"
"No. It's just, some of the staff and the military men talk about her sometimes and it's a little scary." He explained in that same hushed voice. "She's always been kind to me. She gave me this apprenticeship and is teaching me so many things. I don't know why they hate her so much."
"They hate what they can't control." Hiei told him easily. "What do they say about her?"
Benji brought his hand up to his mouth, eyes flashing wider before he grimaced, muttering to himself, "Stupid! You weren't supposed to say anything."
"Benji." Hiei stood up. "Lying doesn't suit you. You need to tell me what you know."
"But, Miss Amon said-"
"Miss Amon isn't here." Hiei pressed, brows coming down as he stalked around his desk to pace toward the door so he could cut off the only escape route. Pointedly pressing his palm against the wood he narrowed his eyes. "Just you. And me."
Swallowing Benji shirked into his shoulders and stepped back. "Please don't tell her I spoke to you."
"Leave Amon to me."
Amon made it home in the warm hours of the morning, after breakfast but still early enough that the castle was lazy. She went to her room first, unlocking her door and dropping the rucksack she'd taken with her inside. After changing her clothes she did a quick check to be sure nothing was out of place before she left, turning the lock once more. The wrapping over the rest of her tattoos was easy enough to change and as proof of her growing strength the skin was already healing nicely even though it had only been two days. Checking the clock she stepped back into her routine with ease, small notebook in her pocket ready to take notes for whatever the day had in store.
Benji was in the king's office collecting dishes from what appeared to be a late breakfast when she breezed in on light feet. "Good morning sire, Benji."
"Miss Amon." Benji looked at her with wide eyes. He offered a display of relief that quickly dissolved into something akin to fear.
"I see you finally decided to show up." Hiei glared at her ruthlessly. "Did you enjoy your vacation?"
"I wouldn't it call it as much." She studied him. "Have I missed something?"
"Other than nearly five days of work, none of which you had the foresight to request from me before running off? Or perhaps you missed informing me on your whereabouts so I would at least be able to claim something less than ignorance when questioned?" He got to his feet, hands slamming on the desk.
Benji jumped, shrinking himself. Amon glanced at him, then steeled herself to carry the brunt of the misdirected anger.
"It's alright, Benji." Amon touched the boys shoulder, gently pulling him to her side before fixing her gaze on the crimson eyes boring into her. "Is this a necessary conversation right now?"
Hiei knew she meant in front of the boy. He had honestly forgotten he was there. All he'd seen was Amon and his anger was so hot, raw and intense everything else had melted away. Benji had filled him in on the things the castle walls spoke about her. On how his generals treated her behind closed doors. She'd told him once that their behavior was all in her favor, that she was taking advantage of it. That did not stem the flow of his frustration.
And her cleverness was not about to save her from his fury at her behavior.
"You can go." Hiei snarled at Benji where he hid partially tucked behind the woman. "Now."
"I'm the reason you're upset m'lord, you don't need to yell at him." Amon's cool tone did little to dampen his anger.
"I said now." Hiei repeated, just as hostile. Benji didn't wait for Amon to mount a second defense of him, he fled. Hopping out of the room as quickly as he could and closing the door behind him in such a rush it slammed into the frame. A soft, startled 'sorry' echoed through the wood to them and went unanswered. "You-"
Amon didn't flinch under his glare, she didn't really react at all. She stood before him with her hands at her sides, no expression to be traced. A blank target. It only fed his fury with her. Then she spoke again, cutting him off.
"I understand that you're angry with me, but it seems unnecessary for you to take it out on a child." She told him in that same detached tone.
"Don't tell me how to speak to my staff." He growled at her, a host of complaints welling up in his chest.
Her head tipped scantly to the side. He saw a flash of her own anger cross her eyes but she didn't let it out. He shoved away from the desk to march over to her, not caring to soften his steps or his voice when he spoke again.
"Do you have any idea what a fucking fool you make me look like?" He yelled at her. "Do you know how many generals I've had throwing reports in my face because of you? How many times I've been asked where you were, what you were doing? Do you know how goddamn stupid I look not being able to answer?"
"I hadn't, actually." Amon responded.
"Shut up." He hissed and she locked her jaw immediately. "I let a lot of your behavior slide, Amon. Too much it seems. Ever since you killed Yashishi you've been getting wildly out of hand."
Her nostrils flared, her chest rising and falling quickly. Hiei didn't notice but she did. Her muscles lit up with the sensation of static before the slow creep of numbness started to spread into emptiness. She'd heard phrases like this before. Out of hand. That's what Greyfield called her all the time. Out of hand. She'd caused him a lot of trouble too. It must be her destiny to enrage powerful men even when she did her best to appease them. The emptiness consumed her arms first, then her legs, chewing at her torso and slithering up her spine. Yes, this was all familiar. Her body was waiting for the inevitable.
"You take off for days without telling me where you're going. You hire and fire staff with absolutely no oversight. You run amok throughout the whole damn territory like it's your personal playground!" He continued to yell.
She wanted to defend herself, to tell him she wasn't running amok. She was doing something important. For him. It was all for him.
Her mouth wouldn't open. Her jaw wouldn't unclench. Her tongue was fastened to the roof of her mouth, dry and useless.
The emptiness tickled her nape.
She couldn't feel herself breathing anymore.
"And then there's the matter of you deliberately tricking me into visiting the outer cities! You've been allocating resources you shouldn't even be managing at all!"
Just do it already, she thought. Get it over with. Stop with the prelude and start the first act.
The emptiness numbed her throat, played with her ears.
"You are making me look like a goddamn puppet!" Hiei bellowed. "My men are calling me weak and disgraceful because you can't ask permission to do anything! Because you push and you take! Now I have to fucking deal with you."
Her mind went blank, or rather, disconnected for a moment. When it turned back on she was there but she wasn't. Nothing was real. Instinctively she waited for the blows to come safely tucked away in this dream where she wouldn't feel the pain. Her only true reprieve. She hoped Benji hadn't had to feel this way in her absence. She had been so glad to be back at the castle, her home. But it wasn't hers. Her space in this world was borrowed and she had forgotten that. She had forgotten to remain thankful.
"Say something!" Hiei demanded throwing his hands through the air.
The sudden action made her blink but nothing else. At his command her jaw worked itself loose, her tongue once again pliable.
"Apologies master, you told me to shut up." She responded without inflection. "What would you like me to say?"
"I'd like you to fucking acknowledge the mess you've made!" He hissed, completely lost in his own emotions to even register the change in her. Still, under the surface, something started to bother him.
"As you command." Amon moved fluidly, sinking first to one knee before him then the other. Hiei stepped back as she bowed her head to the ground. "I caused you obvious distress sir. I owe you the deepest of apologies. I should not have acted without your permission in any of these matters. I will not do so again. I've tarnished your name, your hard-earned reputation. I'm unworthy of your patience."
Hiei stared down at her his fury subsiding quickly into angry confusion. "I'm not interested in whatever pity-garnering game this is, Amon."
"Pity." She took the word and repeated it. "I cannot ask for something I don't deserve."
This reality was strange, wrong. Her fingers came up to her throat and in this dream she wore the collar again. Normally her dreams freed her. Why had this one shackled her?
Maybe this wasn't the dream.
Maybe that fleeting happiness had been the work of her imagination. The uniquely kind king. The hope of being more than what she was, it was all a fabrication. When had she gotten to this place? How long had she actually been here? Was this even real? Was the king? She dared to glance at him then shifted her attention away because it wasn't her king who looked back, but Greyfield. Was he really her master still? Had his death been just a sweet dream?
"Amon?" Hiei called her name his anger forgotten as though the flood of it had been dammed. "Amon, look at me."
Her attention snapped to him. Hiei sucked in a breath. Those eyes. Those thousand-yard eyes. Her hand remained at her throat, pressing to where her collar had been.
"I'm so sorry, master." She stayed near the ground, only her head raised to meet his command. "Have I been sleep walking again? I know how much you hate it when I wander. I don't know how I slipped my chains."
"Amon." Hiei felt the blood drain out of his suddenly cold hands.
This wasn't her. This wasn't his Amon. This was the woman who had been beaten into submission by Greyfield and his commands.
"Asleep or not, I have followed your commands." She let her hand fall from her throat. "I've been asleep too long, I don't know what you prefer. Another sign of my negligence. I am truly worthless. Has your favored implement changed? Should I prepare the mop? How can I best serve you as you punish me for my insolence?"
"Amon, tell me what's happening." Hiei demanded, alarmed.
"You're punishing me for disrespecting you." She blinked in confusion.
"No. I mean." He inhaled and then released it. "What do you mean you've been asleep for too long?"
"I've just woken from a dream." She informed him.
Hiei swallowed. "A dream?"
She nodded but didn't elaborate. He hated this, but he knew what he had to do to get his answers. Maybe she'd give a clue as to why she had shifted so suddenly into this state.
"Tell me about this dream."
"I dreamt I lived in Alaric in a castle full of people. A lot of them disliked me. I suppose that's natural, I'm not very likable." Amon explained with that awful distant voice, not like herself at all. Hiei could barely stomach listening to her. "But the king was very kind to me. He let me have a bed and a voice and my hair. He was a nice man. I think I'll miss that dream."
Her response broke him in a way he hadn't realized he could be broken, his ribs aching with the weight of her words.
What did he need to do? How could he pull her out of this? When Amon had last slipped into this fractured state and beaten Yashishi, she'd moved without consequence. Why did she bow to him now? How had he brought her back before? He'd grabbed her. So he knelt and snatched her arm, pulling it to him and dragging the rest of her along. Her eyes betrayed no surprise by his action, they offered no hint of pain despite his bruising grip. When her vision didn't clear he grabbed her chin so he could force her to meet his gaze. She didn't resist him. She didn't cower.
"Ah. Your favorite." Amon breathed the words and met his stare with her own. She knew this one. Greyfield's favorite torture. He wanted her to beg him for it. Hiei stiffened when she leaned forward, her breath ghosting over his mouth as she questioned him in a hushed tone, "You know I'll never do it until you command me. I'm not quite so lost, Greyfield."
Hiei watched her eyes narrow, felt her arm tense in expectation. Her body prepared itself for a strike he wouldn't deliver. Bile rose in his throat, scalding and sick, as he wondered if he had to fulfill this awful dream to get her back. He had only wanted to scream at her some. He just wanted her to understand what she'd done, how she'd made him look. He hadn't meant to break her. He hadn't wanted to lose her.
He wanted his Amon back.
Not this pitiful wretch who wouldn't even fight him off.
"You know what I want to hear." Hiei tried to keep his tone stern. Greyfield. She thought he was that monster. He had made her think he was the man who had enslaved her, had beaten her, had done whatever it was she thought he was about to do. His favorite thing. Some nightmare Hiei didn't want to understand. His resolve cracked but he mustered through for the sake of getting her back to her senses. For the sake of ending this god awful dream. "Say it where I can hear you, Amon."
Hiei gasped as she pushed him back against the base of the desk, one of her hands moving to caress the side of his face. She leaned over him while never breaking the hold he had on her other wrist and her chin. Her face was too close to his. His stomach churned and at the same time butterflies fluttered into his blood. Her lips nearly brushed his own and he couldn't breathe, his eyes wide.
"I want you to hurt me." She told him in a dark whisper that sounded nothing like the Amon he knew. "I need you to hurt me. Please, sir, please. I need you to punish me."
"No!" Hiei pushed her back, acting without thinking. Amon listed back and caught herself before she fell back completely. She stared at him, confused and wild-eyed. His chest heaved with his breathe.
He had never once, not ever in his life, felt filthier than he did now. Hearing those words, feeling her breath, knowing she was being forced to speak those horrendous sentences. He wanted to throw up. He wanted to wash himself. He called on the Jagan and it opened, but her mind was too mixed up to make any sense. He was met with a wall of static as though there was nothing driving her movements.
What had Greyfield done to her?
"I don't understand." Amon's voice cracked on the edges, a twinge of fear and desperation finally breaking through. "You told me to ask. I don't understand."
Her hand came up to her hair and she gripped her head as she stared at him.
"I don't know what you want."
"I want you to wake up!" Hiei stayed where he was, slightly afraid of what she'd do if he grabbed her again.
"I don't understand." She repeated. "I am awake. This is real. You don't want me to beg?"
"No, I don't." Hiei pressed himself back against the desk as disgust roiled through him at the mere idea. Maybe…maybe there was another way? "I want you to go back to that king of yours."
He watched as something grew hard in her. Some understanding clicking into place and it made him worry. Her gloved fingers pulled over the floor in a way that would have drug her nails if they'd been exposed.
Hiei felt a sickening twist in his guts.
Why wasn't the Jagan working?!
What was wrong with her brain that he couldn't penetrate it?
What good was this goddamn thing if he couldn't use it when he needed it!
"As you command." Amon spoke finally, resolved and he watched in horror as she threw herself forward so hard that her head bashed off the floor. He called her name in shock but she managed a second strike before he managed to surge toward her. Her body went still, blood gushing from a freshly formed gash on her forehead.
"Amon!" He rolled her to her back and found her eyes rolled into her skull.
The Jagan flashed and suddenly she was there again, accessible. He was in her mind as she swam in darkness, feeling nothing. Unconscious. He shuttered his third eye and untied his bandana, wrapping it around her head to seep up some of the blood from her wound. For just a second he sat at her side, stunned. He was an idiot. He had to fix this somehow.
He hadn't meant for this to happen.
Amon blinked awake, immediately groaning in pain at the throbbing radiating from her skull. Attempting to reach up to touch the sore spot she found her hand chained to the railing of the hospital bed she occupied.
"What?" She asked, yanking at the limb. Her eyes darted around the room, assessing quickly that she was still in her clothes but that both of her hands were chained to the bed, her ankles too. The bed had been adjusted so that she wasn't flat on her back, but reclined upright. Her search stopped when a pair of crimson eyes met hers, the king coiled in a chair near her side. He watched her warily, the lavender glow of his third eye unhindered as the organ was no longer hidden behind any covering.
"Do you know who I am?" He asked her quietly.
"Of course I do." She responded earnestly. "Sir, why am I chained to a bed?"
"You don't remember?" He squinted, studying her.
"I remember arriving. I remember telling you not to yell at Benji. You were upset with me, angry. Everything is fuzzy. Did I hit my head? I had a horrid dream." She rambled. "What happened?"
He watched her and then looked away, his legs leaving the chair to stretch to the floor.
"I happened." He buried his face in his hands. "I did this to you."
"You hit me?" She blinked, surprised. "You normally take being asked to be kind a little better than that."
"No. You hit yourself. You did it because of me." He told her with a headshake, unable to look her in the face. Instead he studied the lines on his palms. "You thought I was Greyfield. You thought you were finally awake. Something I did to you, something I said, it made you think that. It made you think I was him and that you had to obey me. I made you think I wanted to hurt you so badly, and you were fine with it. You asked me to hurt you."
"No, that wasn't you." She grew uncomfortable, shifting as best she could when locked in place. "That was a dream. About Greyfield. That's a game he liked to play with me. He liked to make me ask for punishment."
"You asked me." Hiei pressed. "You asked me because you thought I was him."
"I would never confuse the two of you."
"You thought your life here was a dream."
She stopped talking, her eyes studying him. Then she swallowed, her words coming out strangled with confusion, "That wasn't a dream?"
"I'm sorry Amon." He looked into her eyes finally. "I don't know how this happened. I need you to tell me how it happened so it never does again. Seeing you like, having you speak that way, I can't stand it."
"I don't know." She wet her lips, unsure what to do. "I don't remember. You were angry. You were yelling. I…you…I, uh," Amon tried to pull it all back to her. Tried to dig through the film coating her slippery memories. Then she found it, painful and empty. Her tone reflected her feelings when she finally spoke again. "I've gotten out of hand."
Hiei's eyes widened in alarm at the sound of her voice. "No, no. You cannot go back into that dream Amon."
"It's not a dream." She breathed out evenly, finally meeting his gaze with one of knowing exhaustion. "That's what you said to me. You said I was getting out of hand."
"You are." He remained firm on that point. "I assumed you realized that. I didn't realize it would come as such a shock."
Her mouth opened to form around words that wouldn't come right away so she closed it and then tried again. Then a third time.
Hiei watched from the safety of his chair. Her thumbs began to rub against her first finger as she stared at her the wall. He waited until she eventually stopped fidgeting.
"Ultimately this is my fault." The explanation was not at all what he wanted to hear as it fell from her lips. "I shouldn't put you in such compromising positions. Your anger is justified, my strong reaction to it aside. I need to get better control of how I respond to you and how I behave in general. That's the takeaway here."
"You know what triggered the episode." Hiei couldn't believe she hadn't divulged the truth. "You aren't telling me."
"You're a king, sir. A fairly good one." Her eyes dipped down away from the wall to focus on her restrained ankles. "You have such important things to do. You expend too much energy on me as it is. Don't worry yourself about this incident."
"How can you say that? Do you have any idea how it felt to have you demanding I hurt you? Having to watch you bash your face off the ground to appease me when it's not even what I wanted from you?" Hiei's frustration crept into his voice again, his words growing louder. "How can you tell me not to worry?"
Her next words were empty but sharp enough to feel like a slap in the face. "I wouldn't presume to challenge the way you speak to your servants."
He sucked in a breath, fingers curling into his hand. "Is that what pushed you?"
"No, but it was a nice reminder that I should watch my tongue." She smoothed the edges of her voice so that there was nothing he could find fault in. "I'm sorry for the trouble I caused you. The embarrassment. I've made you look foolish to the very men I've been trying to force into respecting you. I've undone your hard work."
"Tell me why you were gone, Amon. Give me something I can say to them about all of this." His nails bit into palm to distract him from the anxiety of this docile change in her. "Give me an explanation I can feed them about why you were running through the territory unchecked."
"I just need a day to organize a full report. I'll give you all your answers, sire." Amon promised quietly. "I know you don't have any reason to trust me on this, but I promise my reasons were compelling. Is that permissible?"
"Yes." Hiei's ribcage burned, his chest on fire with the strain of his painful emotions.
"Thank you." She nodded without meeting his eyes.
"Amon." He called her name, rising from his chair to approach her bedside. "Call me by my name."
"I'm sorry sire, but I cannot." There was an emotion in her eyes that threatened to spill over her lashes. "I can't do it. Not right now."
"Okay." He nodded and the door to the room opened, a doctor walking in and instantly going still as Hiei whipped his attention over with a furious glare. He loosened himself, stepping away from Amon's side to march to the door. It wasn't fair to use the doctor as an outlet for his anger, but it didn't stop him from hotly demanding, "Remove her restraints and release her." He paused on the threshold, looking over his shoulder to the woman avoiding his attention, "Amon, see me directly once you've finished your report."
"As you command, sire."
He had to work every muscle in his body to avoid slamming the door behind him.
"Do you want something for the pain? Or to speed up your healing?" The doctor asked, working the locks open to free Amon's limbs. She rubbed her wrists, rolling them.
"No. They need to see me injured. It'll quell some of their anger if they think the king hurt me." Amon shook her head.
"Did he?" The question came quietly and with some heat. "You've done a lot for him."
"I don't think so." She studied the wall again. "But for now let them think he did."
"You'll have a nasty mark on the big day." He pursed his lips, and she glanced over his expression. "I'll give you something you can take with you. If you want to use it you can, and if not, it's no loss."
"Thank you, that'll work." She nodded.
Covered in sweat, sore, stuck in his thoughts Hiei returned to his room so early in the morning he was sure he'd be alone. It was passed his usual midnight wakeup. The hall was dark, and so was his room when he pushed open the door. He noticed the tray of food and tea first, placed on the table. Then he caught sight of Amon moving in the shadows. She paused in the face of his entrance. He assessed the bandages wound around her forehead. Neither of them spoke for a moment.
"How long have you been here?" Hiei wondered, touching the teapot. It had lost all it's warmth.
"Not very long. I waited for you but you didn't come so I left. I only just returned to put your clothes away. Everything fell behind in my absence." She ran her fingers over the hung garment thrown over her arm waiting to be placed where it was meant to be.
Hiei had never really thought about the fact that his clothes were always where they were meant to be. Amon set his outfits out for him generally, but she must put them away too. There were small details that grew larger the more he focused on them when it came to everything Amon did for him. All the effort she put into her work.
"You could have turned on a light." He reminded her. "You don't have to work in the dark."
"It's late. I figured if you were ready to sleep the light might bother you and keep you awake. I see perfectly fine in the dark as it is." She hung the piece of clothing in the closet then she hung the next one that had been resting underneath on her arm. "I'll be out of your way in just a moment."
"That's an awful of lot of laundry considering what I went through when you were gone." Hiei approached cautiously.
Why was he tiptoeing around her? Why was he so scared of getting close? Amon didn't recoil from him but his stomach still twisted.
"It is." She agreed quietly, once again fingering the threads of one of the items she'd put away. Dropping her hand she offered the slightest shake of her head. "They're the clothes I had commissioned for you. You wouldn't attend the fitting so I gave your measurements to the seamstress with some specifications."
"I told you I didn't want new clothes." Hiei was back to being put out. "Again with doing whatever you want, Amon-"
"That's why I'm putting them away." She cut him off gently, not looking at him directly. "I requested them before I spoke to you. They've been in the works for a few weeks, actually. The fitting was just meant to finalize details. It doesn't matter now. I just couldn't bring myself to discard them."
"Weeks?" Hiei asked, glancing at the closet.
"Good work takes time and I wanted the best." She sighed and closed the closet doors.
He hadn't realized she'd put so much time and effort into it. "Amon, I-"
"They're your clothes, sire. You can burn them if you want. I just needed to put them away for my own selfish satisfaction. I pushed them to the back though so you won't have to see them."
"I can wear them." He stated quietly. "You put time into getting them made."
"It's better if you don't." Her words hit him in his already churning stomach. "If you show up to your meetings in new clothes they'll know it was my influence. You've endured enough of their talk. Besides, there's nothing wrong with the way you dress now."
"What changed your mind?" He wondered.
"I have to work on that report. My goal is to present it to you by the afternoon, preferably before the lunch meeting. I'm not sure I'll have the appropriate amount of time after, but I'll carve some out before." She deftly skirted around him to make her way to the table where she picked up the tray. "Do you want fresh tea?"
"No." He squinted at her. "What lunch meeting?"
"You have a schedule lunch with some dignitaries from other lands. This isn't new, sire. I told you about this weeks ago. You agreed to it." She watched him carefully for a reaction.
"I don't recall that." Hiei frowned at her.
"It was after a sparring session. I told you that it would be best for you to attempt some diplomatic relationships and we decided that a lunch would be the easiest way. The guests will stay in the castle for a few days to see how you've changed Alaric for the better." Amon wet her lips. "I cannot cancel this late, sir. Most of the guests are already in transit."
He vaguely recalled the conversation she referenced but he still didn't like it. "Fine."
They stood in silence for a second.
"How is your head?" Hiei asked, taking a step toward her. "You're wearing bandages. Is it not healing?"
"It's only been a few hours." She reminded him.
"Those doctors are useless. I'm firing all of them." Hiei groused, crossing his arms over his chest. "How hard is it to heal a cut?"
"I'm an uncooperative patient, it's not their fault. You're not the only one I frustrate endlessly."
Hiei tensed at the declaration. Amon seemed to sense that her words were hitting a raw spot because she quickly looked down to the tray.
"I'll wake you in the morning." She told him and before he could argue she was gone out of the room.
"It's not always a bad frustration." Hiei told her lingering presence since she wasn't there to listen. "I just don't know what to do with you sometimes."
No one answered him but shadows and he sighed, shaking his head.
Why now?
Why had he let this happen now of all times?
Why today of all days?
They were in the darkest, earliest hours of the first anniversary of Mukuro's death. One year. One year without her. Nearly one year with Amon. And he felt like he was back to where he started this mess of a journey.
Alone.