Thanks for all the nice feedback, everyone!
Done with therapy, House finally meets John in this chapter. I worked a lot on this, and hope you like how it goes.
Btw, if anyone was wondering about the timeline, the story started sometime in 2019, and this chapter plays in April 2020. I actually looked up the 19/20 school year dates for Princeton on the publicholidays website, so they should be correct.
Have fun!
Chapter 19
He is in the car driving up to New Haven. It is Saturday morning, April 11th, the day of the birthday party. Julia and her family, except for their eldest who has more pressing teenage business to do than attend her little cousins' birthday party, already arrived yesterday. One reason was so that Julia could help with preparations; the other was that she, her family and John have to return to Princeton after the party.
He called Cuddy the previous weekend to ask her about potential gifts for John and Rachel. She told him that he knew Rachel and could come up with something himself, and that she would text him John's wish list. By the end of their conversation, she offered him to spend the night from Saturday to Sunday—the house would be practically empty—so that he would not have to drive back and forth on the same day. He appreciated the gesture, but declined. Should he or his leg not be up to the long car ride tonight, he plans to crash at a hotel somewhere. He packed his toothbrush and a change of clothes.
It rains intermittently on his way up, and by the time he arrives at their house he feels anxious and self-conscious. His doubts have quadrupled themselves during the ride, and now that he finds himself only mere feet away from John, he thinks that this whole enterprise is insane. He sits in the car for a while and actually considers simply turning around and leaving again when he receives a text from Rachel, asking him for his whereabouts. He rubs his forehead, picks up his cane and the presents from the passenger seat, and gets out of the car.
He can hear the noisy chatter and laughter inside when he stands at the front door, his knees feeling weak. Taking a deep breath, he rings the bell.
To his relief, Rachel opens up, and the first thing he sees is her smiling face. "House!" she exclaims and practically jumps on him, her arms wrapping around his waist and her face burying into his jacket.
"Hey there, butt-munch," he smiles as he slightly pats her shoulder with his hand.
She draws back and sees the presents he is carrying. One is big and wrapped in bright pink. "Is that for me?" she asks, taking it from him already.
"Well, obviously."
"Come in," she demands, pulling on his hand. He manages to close the door behind him before he limps inside, following Rachel's lead.
"John," she calls out across the room. "House is here."
The place is filled with a vast number of children and adults, but it takes House mere seconds to spot a small boy by the television set turning toward them. He swallows hard and has to remind himself to breathe as his son makes his way across the room to greet him.
House momentarily looses his voice and is thankful that Rachel takes over: "I told you he was here two months ago. He helped me build the rollercoaster," she introduces him to her brother.
"Hi, I'm John," he says, holding out his hand to House.
House manages to rid himself of his paralysis. "Hi," he mutters, shifting his cane into his left hand so he can shake hands with John.
"What do you need the cane for?" John asks frankly.
"He hurt his leg, silly," Rachel chides while she fights with the wrapping paper of her present.
"Can't the doctors fix it?" John continues his inquiry.
"No," House presses out. "Cannot fix everything. Unfortunately."
"They couldn't fix my dad, either," John says, nodding understandingly.
House is not sure Cuddy informed John that he was one of those failing doctors, so he drops the topic. He scratches his chin, realizing he is still holding John's present. "Here," he says, handing it to him. "This is for you. Happy late birthday."
Rachel finally manages to undo the wrapping. "A pink soccer ball! How cool is that!" She gives House another hug.
"And pink soccer socks," he points out. She must have missed them somewhere in the pile of wrapping.
"Cool!" She dives back into the remnants of her present and finds them. "Thank you so much!"
John chimes into thanking him when he sees what House got for him. House picked a PlayStation racecar game from the list Cuddy sent him. It seemed like the safest choice. In that moment, he actually feels her eyes on him, and he looks up. She is standing by the kitchen isle with a drink in her hand, observing the whole situation. When he meets her gaze, she sets down her glass and makes her way over to them.
"Hi," she smiles at him, genuinely pleased to see him, and moves in to give him a hug. "Seemed like a good start," she whispers into his ear in the brief moment she has her arms around his neck. She acts less restrained than the last time they met, and apparently decided to stick to her word of trying to make this a good experience.
"Look Mom, it's the new game I wanted," John tugs on her arm excitedly, showing her his latest present.
"That's great, honey!" Cuddy ruffles his hair.
"How did you know?" John asks House.
"Your mom might have mentioned it," he winks at him.
"Thank you," John says. "Can I go play it?" he asks Cuddy.
"Of course, go ahead."
John runs back over to his friends by the television where a gaming area is set up.
"Look what I got," Rachel eagerly presents her soccer ball and her new socks to Cuddy.
"Wow! You should go show your coach, he will be thrilled." She smiles at Rachel who runs off. House sees coach Sanders sitting at the dining table, a plateful of vegetables and crackers in front of him.
Cuddy turns to House, an amused expression on her face. "They were all over you," she chuckles mildly. "Can I take your jacket?"
"Yeah," he mumbles as he starts to shrug out of it. He scans the room and finds Julia watching him with reproachful eyes. "What should I do about your sister?" he asks while she puts his jacket away. "She would like to wrap her hands around my throat."
"She promised she'd be civil." Cuddy stands next to him and eyes her sister as well. "Maybe keep a twenty feet distance at all times, safety precautions," she suggests, half in jest, half in earnest.
He nods.
"You want some cake? Something to drink?" she offers as they make their way towards the kitchen counter, which is loaded with snacks, sweets, cake, and beverages.
"I'm a big boy," he says, limping along beside her. "Go mingle."
She gives him a brief, questioning glance, wordlessly asking him if he is sure and if he is okay, but he keeps a straight face, and they part ways: She returns to the group of people she was talking to when he arrived; he heads for a cup and a plate.
With his drink balanced on on his plate, House limps over to Coach Sanders, who greets him happily. "Come here, sit." Coach Sanders pulls back a chair next to him, and introduces House to his wife, who is sitting across the table. From where House is seated, he has a good view over the living room, where John is taking turns with his friends on the PlayStation. While he eats, he chats with the coach and his wife, and occasionally glances over to observe John. He ducks all their inquiries about his private live, and bombs them with questions instead, eager to keep them talking. Their two sons are here as well; one of them is about John's age.
When they announce that they have to leave, he panics a bit. They are the only people he knows here besides Cuddy and her folks, and Cuddy is busy buzzing around the room, making sure everyone is fed, no kid gets hurt, and nothing gets broken.
He decides to sit closer to John and walks over to the couch, taking up an empty seat. To his surprise, John at some point offers a control panel to him, asking if he wants to play. House hesitates for a second, but then nods and takes it from him. "All right. I will beat their butts, though," he says, gesturing towards his opponents.
John just laughs and presses the Start button.
House, of course, had prepared himself for this occasion and had bought the game for himself, practicing it at home a little. He had even gone online and checked the gaming communities for information about where to take short cuts and how to gain extra speed. As intended, John is impressed by his skill. "How did you do that?" he asks, when House rather flies than drives across a patch of water that slows down all the others.
House explains it to him happily, and hands him back the control after he crosses the finish line as first runner up. "Your turn! Now you beat 'em."
He sits there for a while and gives John occasional advice, cheering him on. He feels Cuddy glancing at him from time to time, but she seems at ease and lets them be. He eventually tells John that he has to go to the bathroom. The one by the front door is occupied, so he heads into the main bathroom, relieved for the solitude when he locks the door behind him.
He takes a piss and notices that his hands are shaking when he washes them under the faucet. His leg is hurting and he wishes he could leave. He feels uncomfortable with so many people in general, even more so when he hardly knows anyone; even more so when most of them are noisy kids; even more so when one of them is his son and he is meeting him for the first time. He has no idea why he had agreed to this idiocy so blindly.
He splashes some water on his face and suddenly feels short of breath, too overwhelmed with everything, and wants to hide, preferably his car, but Rachel or Cuddy might catch him walking out the door. He unlocks the bathroom door leading out to the hallway, but sneaks through the one on the opposite wall, heading into Cuddy's bedroom.
He sits on the carpet by the side of the bed with his legs out long, leaning his back against the mattress. It takes him a while before he catches his breath again. His leg is killing him, and he rubs it carefully.
After about fifteen minutes, there is a tentative knock on the door. He stays quiet, not knowing what to say. It opens slowly, revealing Cuddy on the other side. "I've been looking all over for you," she says as she steps into the room. "Is everything all right?" She sounds concerned.
"Yeah. It's just my leg. And…" House is unsure how to articulate what is going on, and motions with his head towards the muted partying crowd.
Cuddy closes the door and steps closer. "A lot to process?" she offers. He nods, and she slides down on the carpet next to him. She hugs her knees to her chest and rests her cheek on top, looking at him sideways. "So, what do you think?"
He looks back at her, not quite sure what she is asking. He has so many thoughts. "He's great," he eventually picks one.
Cuddy smiles at him. "Yeah. He is."
House stares at his leg and continues to rub it. It all just feels so odd to him. To have a son of that age. To know that he is, in part, him, but to share no other connection with him whatsoever.
Suddenly, Cuddy takes his hand. He looks at her, surprised at the gesture. She says nothing, and simply returns his gaze.
He swallows and realizes that, for the time being, she actually provides the emotional bridge to his son. He has so many feelings for her, and she is John's mother; she is the one who raised him. His breath deepens a little. He squeezes her hand. "Thank you," he mumbles. "For letting me meet him."
She draws in her lower lip, and he sees a tear escape the corner of her eye and trail its way over the bridge of her nose. He is not exactly sure why she is crying, but this is obviously a lot for her to process as well.
"I think I should get back," she says, letting go of his hand and wiping away her tears. "The host should never be gone more than ten minutes, right?" She supports herself on the bed to rise back up onto her feet. "Take as much time as you need."
He nods and she knocks on the bathroom door to make sure no one is in there before she heads out.
A little after five, he feels ready to face the world again. He hears quite a few people leave, and guesses that the invitation read from twelve to five. House fetches himself some water and sits down on one of the bar stools in the kitchen, observing the scene.
Cuddy hands out coats to the guests and asks if they want to take home some cake. She thanks everyone before they head out the door and makes sure both John and Rachel say goodbye as well. Julia and her family are packing their things in the kids' bedrooms. They had spent the night there: Julia and Bill in one room, and all four kids sharing the other.
House presumes he should leave as well, so he goes in search for his jacket. Rachel spots him by the front door and walks up behind him. "House! Where were you?" she inquires, but receives no response. "What are you doing?"
"Looking for my jacket. Have you seen it?"
She takes him by the hand, requesting his full attention. "You disappeared all of a sudden. I didn't even get to show you all my presents, yet," she says, pulling him along with her to the coffee table, which has been set aside against the wall, serving as the gift table.
He sighs briefly. He is afraid he might overstep his welcome, although Cuddy showed no sign of wanting him out of the house thus far. "All right, show me what you got," he says as he sits down on the couch again. John has returned to his PlayStation, and seems oblivious to everything going on around him.
House lets Rachel present her new clothes, games, and accessories to him, sometimes giving his comments or asking her whom they were from. Cuddy is busy packing for John and runs back and forth between his room and the living room, asking him questions such as where he put his slippers, which of his books he wants to take, and whether he needs more T-shirts.
Distracted from his game, John eventually joins in with House and points out which of Rachel's new belongings he finds especially silly or entertaining. Enthralled by House's attention and wanting some for himself, John decides to show off his gifts as well when he realizes they have already been packed into Bill's car or stored away in his room. His cousins and his aunt and uncle are outside, loading the trunk and getting ready to head off.
John sits on the couch with his shoulders slumped.
"Don't forget to take your new game," House tries to cheer him up, nodding towards the PlayStation.
John just looks at his hands and swallows hard. Suddenly, tears start to roll down his cheeks.
House stares at him, completely perplexed—he had not seen this coming. "Cuddy?" he calls out, not knowing how to handle the situation.
Rachel walks up to her brother. "You can play with your stuff at aunt Julia's, you know? The rest will be here when you get back."
Cuddy comes in, pulling John's suitcase behind her. "What's going on?" She looks at each of them, giving House a questioning look, but he has no answer for her and raises his eyebrows helplessly.
Cuddy kneels down in front of John, taking his hands into hers. "Honey, what's wrong? Did something happen?"
John briefly glances at the suitcase, shakes his head no, and continues to cry quietly.
"You don't wanna leave, do you?" House asks eventually. Cuddy looks up at him quizzically, then back to John.
"Is that what it is, sweetheart?" she asks him.
John nods, wiping at his tears. "Why can't I stay here, Mom?" he asks. "I promise I'll be good. I won't get into any more trouble at school."
"Oh honey, it's not about that at all. Is that what you have been thinking all this time?"
"Well, why can Rachel stay, but not me?" he asks her with reproachful eyes.
At that moment, Julia comes in through the front door. "Hey, we're ready. Are you—" she stops herself when she realizes John is crying. "What's going on?" She immediately looks suspiciously at House.
Cuddy shakes her head at her sister, gets out of her crouching position and sits next to John, pulling him onto her lap. "Sweetheart, I thought we talked about this?!" she looks at her son beseechingly. "I just didn't want you to see your dad that sick. There was so much going on, I wouldn't have been able to take good care of you. And Rachel is older. She can make her own breakfast, help me with the laundry…"
"I can make my own breakfast!" John protests. "And I can do laundry if you show me how."
Cuddy sighs and looks pained. She closes her eyes briefly and pushes her hair behind her ear. "Sweetie, I know this is difficult. You got used to being home again, and Spring break was so great! I'm going to miss you, too, but you have to go back to school on Monday. I can't just keep you here. I wish I could," she tries to make him understand.
John looks helplessly at Cuddy and cries even harder. He wraps his arms around her neck and sobs into her shoulder. "Mom, please don't make me go. I always miss you so much. I want to be here."
Cuddy's heart is visibly breaking and she starts to tear up as well. "Oh, honey," she sighs, and sits with him for a while, running her fingers though his hair and rocking him gently.
Julia leaves briefly to inform her family about the delay. When she returns, John has calmed down a little. "Where is this coming from, all of a sudden?" Cuddy wants to know, searching her sister's face. Julia stands there frowning; she, too, seems at a loss, and is upset about her nephew's grief. Cuddy holds John slightly away from her so she can see his face. "I always thought you liked it at aunt Julia's?! Why did you never tell me you were this homesick?"
John sniffles and wipes at his nose with his sleeve. "Rachel told me to suck it up. She said you already had enough to worry about."
Cuddy yanks her head at Rachel, staring at her in disbelief. Rachel bites her lip and averts her eyes. "I just didn't want you to be even more sad. I'm sorry, Mom."
Cuddy sighs and wipes away the tears that are running down her face. She holds John close and caresses his back while she tries to come up with a solution.
"What do you wanna do?" Julia asks her sister. "We really need to leave. Josie has that rehearsal tomorrow."
"I know. I don't know. I can't send him away like this." Cuddy shakes her head. "Not when he feels like I'm abandoning him."
House clears his throat. "I could take him tomorrow," he offers quietly. "I don't have to head back tonight."
"He's not getting into a car with you!" Julia exclaims, anger flashing from her eyes as she stares at him.
House stands up, not willing to take any more of her hate. "Oh, I see. You saw me drive once and from that you deducted its how I end all my car rides," House spits back at her. "I haven't been in an accident once. John's safer with me than with your sleep-deprived husband who can hardly see out of his eyes because—"
"Stop!" Cuddy calls out. "Both of you." She glares back and forth between them, incredulous that they are taking this out in front of the children. Her eyes travel to her kids and finally settle on Julia. "I think you should go." Julia's mouth falls open, and she is about to go on a tirade, but Cuddy cuts her off: "I'll come up with something. Maybe John doesn't even want to be in a car for a three-hour drive with someone he barely knows." She glances at House briefly. "Worse comes to worse, I'll drive him."
Julia stares at her sister for a few seconds until she gives up. "I hope you know what you're doing, Lisa."
Cuddy stares back at her.
Julia waits a beat, shakes her head in defeat, and walks towards the couch. She ruffles John's hair and kisses his head. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay darling?" she tells him. She gives Rachel a brief hug before she leaves.
There are a few moments of silence in which they all seem to be ordering their thoughts. Rachel is the first one to speak again. "So, House and John are staying tonight?"
House and Cuddy look at each other. "I'll check if I can get a hotel," House offers, not wanting to assume anything, but Cuddy brushes him off.
"Don't be ridiculous. You can take the couch." She looks at John and runs her fingers through his hair.
"I don't wanna go back tomorrow, either," he says. He still sounds upset, but he has stopped crying.
Cuddy sighs. "Honey, I cannot keep you out of school. There is no way around that. But maybe we can think of something that will make it easier for you, hm? Your last day of school is June 16th. That's only, like, eight weekends from now. I could come and see you more often," she suggests.
"What about me?" Rachel wants to know.
"You can come, too. But you still have some soccer matches, so I could drop you off there Saturday morning, then head to Princeton. You stay with a friend 'til Sunday, where I'll pick you back up." She turns back to John. "And we could skype more often. We can skype every night, if you want." She wipes at his cheeks and gets a tissue for him. "Think about it, okay, and we'll talk about it some more tonight and tomorrow. Come up with a plan together."
"Okay," John nods and clings to his mother again.
House feels awkward to just be standing there, watching them. In order to give the moment to Cuddy and John, he taps on Rachel's shoulder. "You wanna help me play clean-up-the-house?" he asks, and walks towards the kitchen, looking for a trash bag.
"That's not a game," she complains, but scampers after him anyways.
"It is if you make it into one," he says, holding the bag open. "You pick up whatever you can find that needs to go in here. We count how many out of ten you can hit from, let's say, a ten feet distance. Then it's my turn. Since I'm twice your height, we double my distance. Fair?"
She nods. "What does the winner get?"
He ponders this for a moment. "The winner doesn't have to vacuum the carpet."
Her face falls. "That's a stupid price."
"Kids these days," he scolds in mock disappointment. "Only willing to work for money. Five bucks?"
"All right." She smiles, and they start their game.
The rest of the evening passes by with Cuddy and House cleaning up and storing away food while Rachel and John alternate between helping and playtime.
"Rache," Cuddy eventually brings up the unaddressed topic from before, and sits down on the couch with her kids. "Honey, I know you meant well, and I'm not mad at you, but I don't want you to feel like you need to protect me. You two come first, always, and if either of you is upset or angry or in trouble, I need you to tell me, okay? So we can work something out together."
They both nod.
"Okay. I love you both bunches." She kisses their heads. "It's late, why don't you go get ready for bed?"
"Will you come read to us?" John asks.
"Of course. Just call me."
Rachel and John scamper off. Cuddy looks troubled and thoughtful.
"Stop with the self-blame," House comments. He has kept busy in the kitchen. "Helping clean up is way more useful."
She sighs and walks over to him. "Thank you for your offer to drive him," she says, and starts putting away dishes.
House had been holding his breath on that, not knowing if she would even be okay with it. "I know I should have checked with you first, but there wasn't really—"
"No, it's okay," she stops him. "That was an impossible situation." She rubs her forehead and turns to him, her face serious. "So, are you sure that you want to be more involved? Do you really wanna get to know him?"
He swallows and nods. "I was actually thinking I could drive him up here at the weekends. 'Til the school year is over."
She raises her eyebrows in surprise. "Really?"
"You wouldn't have to make the trip down so often. And it's not like I'm busy at the weekends." He looks at his cane. "I could pick him up after work on Friday and bring him back to Julia on Sunday. It would give me more time with him. Only if he's comfortable with it, of course."
Cuddy's jaw juts out and she opens her mouth, about to say something. Then she stops herself and merely shakes her head, not knowing what to say. "I'll uh… I'll think about it?!" she suggests, frowning at him.
He nods and steps away from her. "I'll go get my stuff from the car."
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They have all had a long and eventful day, and he is glad when everyone has gone to bed and he can settle down on the couch. He puts earplugs into his phone and starts to watch the next episode of a Spanish telenovela he is currently into, trying to distract himself from his thoughts.
About halfway through the episode, he sees someone approaching the couch hesitantly. He turns his head and finds John standing there in his PJs, eyeing him apprehensively.
House pulls out his earplugs. "Hey," he says quietly as he sits up on the couch. "What are you still doing up?"
John takes a few more steps towards the couch. He remains quiet for a while and studies House's face closely, squinting his eyes. Finally, he takes a breath and says: "Are you my dad, then? I mean, my real one?"
House raises his eyebrows in surprise. "What makes you think that?" he asks, trying to stall for time. To him, the question comes completely out of the blue, and he had not developed a plan on how to proceed if it did. He feels his heart speeding up.
John shrugs briefly. "The way you look at me. The way mom looks at you. Your nose looks like mine, and you have blue eyes. Blues eyes are more likely inherited when both parents have blue eyes."
House swallows. His first impulse is to lie and deny it. It would make a crappy start to their relationship, though, if there ever were to be one. "I, uh… Why don't you ask your mom about that?" he tries to deflect.
"She was never honest about it," John states matter-of-factly.
House takes in a deep breath. His palms are sweaty. "Let me, uh, I think I should go get her, anyways." He pushes back the blanket and grabs his cane before he stands up. "I'll be right back."
Cuddy's bedroom door is slightly ajar, and he knocks briefly before he enters. The light on her nightstand is on, but she is nowhere to be seen. "Cuddy?" he asks, making his way over to the bathroom.
"Yeah?" She steps into the room and he can only make out her silhouette due to the bright bathroom light shining behind her.
He pulls on his ear. "We've got a situation," he says quietly. "John's out there," he gestures towards the living room. "He just flat out asked me if I was his real dad."
"What?" Cuddy exclaims in shock.
House reminds her to keep her voice down.
"How does he know?" she whispers. "Did Rachel say anything to him?"
He shakes his head, not quite sure himself. "I think he just added one plus one. How the hell does he know about genetics?"
Cuddy raises one eyebrow as if to say 'You have no idea about all the stuff he knows'.
"What do you want to do?" He searches her face carefully.
She exhales slowly, her chin dropping. "Well, I can't lie to him," she says, shaking her head. "Last time…" She stops herself without finishing the sentence. "He was so upset when he found out about the adoption." She draws in a deep breath and looks at him skeptically. "I guess we just tell him?!"
He nods. "All right." He bows his head and turns towards the door, leading the way back into the living room.
John sits cross-legged on the coffee table, playing with a yoyo. He looks up when he sees them both entering.
Cuddy is the first one to speak. "Hey, honey," she says as she approaches the couch and carefully sits down across from John. "How come you aren't asleep yet?"
John shrugs his shoulders and looks up at House who is standing in front of the couch helplessly, not knowing where to sit or what to say. Eventually, he picks up his blanket to make some room and sits down about three feet away form her.
"House told me what you just asked him," Cuddy explains tentatively, focusing on John. "Do you wanna come here and sit with us?" she asks, patting the space between her and House.
John hesitates briefly, but then climbs off the coffee table and onto the couch. House spreads the blanket over the three of them. Cuddy positions herself sideways, turning towards both of them. She sets her face before she says: "It is true, honey. House is your biological father." She waits for John's reaction, but he merely nods. "He wanted to meet you, and we thought this would be a good occasion. I'm sorry we didn't tell you straight away. We thought it would be easier if you got to know him a little first. I promise we were going to tell you, though." John nods again and tugs his legs under him, staring into the distance. "Do you have any questions about this? Anything you want to ask me? Or House?"
"Why didn't he want to meet me before?"
"He didn't know about you," Cuddy elaborates slowly, her voice even. "He found out a few weeks ago. When he was here with me and Rachel."
"Why didn't you tell him before?" John looks up at Cuddy, who drops her head and draws in her lower lip.
House clears his throat. "The last time your mom and I saw each other, I wasn't a good person," he tries to explain, glancing over at Cuddy briefly. "I was very angry. I drank too much alcohol. I wasn't very nice, to anyone, and I wouldn't have been a good father to you, so she decided not to tell me." He scratches his jaw contemplatively. "When you were born, I was actually in jail."
John's eyes widen. "What did you do?"
Cuddy takes back over. "He was taking drugs." She obviously does not consider this to be the right moment to go into detail about the hole he left in her house.
"Oh." John utters, considering this information. After a while, he asks: "Don't you need to do love to make a baby?" Cuddy looks at him puzzled. "You said that there is a little drop from the man and a little drop from the woman, and they do love to get the two together so the two drops become one drop, and then the drop grows inside the woman and becomes a baby."
House chuckles at this and raises his eyebrows at Cuddy. "And they let you teach first year med students at the hospital?" Cuddy hides her eyes behind one hand, but he sees the corners of her mouth twitching upward. "No wonder our health care system is down the toilet."
Cuddy smiles and hums gently as she ruffles through John's hair. John looks at her questioningly. "Usually people are in love when they decide to have a child together. Then they make love to get the two drops together. Obviously, I didn't explain this part very well to you. I'll try again some other time, okay?"
John nods and thinks about this for a while. "You said usually people are in love. You weren't?"
Cuddy's hand freezes momentarily, and House sees her holding her breath. She glances over at him and exhales slowly before focusing back on John. "We were, sweetie," she whispers, caressing his cheek. "We didn't plan to have you, but that doesn't mean we didn't want you, okay? I always wanted you!"
The three of them sit in silence for a few moments, all lost in their thoughts. At some point, John turns his head back to House, observing him for a while. "But if you were in love, why wasn't he nice to you?" He is looking at House, but the question is obviously directed at Cuddy.
She thinks about this briefly. "Well, the two don't always go hand in hand, I guess. Sometimes I am angry, too, right? Sometimes I yell at you. Doesn't mean that I don't love you. And sometimes you are very mean to Rachel, too, when you're angry. But I know that you do love your sister." Cuddy takes his hand into hers. "House's behavior was worse than pulling on someone's hair, though, and I didn't want to give him the chance to be mean to you. So I moved here with Rachel. When you were still that teeny tiny drop in my belly."
John looks at House again, this time addressing him directly: "But you are nicer now?"
"Huh," House exhales, not quite sure how to respond. "I think I'm gonna let you and your mom be the judge of that."
"He is, honey," Cuddy affirms. "He tried to help your dad when he was in the hospital in Princeton. And he helped Rachel and me when he was here." She sits up straight and brushes her hair from her face. "And he would really like to get to know you. We talked for a long time, and if you want to, we can try to make that happen. But it's really up to you, okay?"
John nods, looking indecisive.
"You don't have to decide right this moment," she continues. "We can talk about it again tomorrow. Maybe House can take you back to Princeton, and we all see where we go from there. Right now, I say it is way past your bedtime." Cuddy pushes back the blanket and gets up, tugging on John's hand. "Come on, let's get you back in bed." As she pulls him past House she stops and addresses him briefly. "I'll be right back," she murmurs. Turning to John, she says: "You wanna say good night to House?"
"Good night," John says shyly.
"Good night, John."
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He is still sitting on the couch, lost to his thoughts, when Cuddy returns to the living room. She stops in front of him, wrapping her arms around herself. He knows this to be a bad sign. "House," she starts, looking at him sternly. "Did you really mean what you said before? About driving him and everything?"
Her persistent doubt and skepticism about his motives are beginning to annoy him. "No, you're right. What I meant to say was: Screw the whole I'm your father thing; it's way overrated. So what if my DNA strings are more closely related to him than to any other eight-year-old boy out there? I also share 99 percent of my DNA with all chimpanzees in the world and don't give a crap about them, either."
She sighs, pinching her nose. "You hate responsibility," she states matter-of-factly. "And I was always under the impression that you didn't even like kids."
"I don't like anyone," he retorts. "Kids are usually less annoying than their over-protective maniac parents, though." He glares at her, trying to make a point. "Except for the times in which they are crying. Or nagging. Or having tamper tantrums. Which is pretty much all the time, but luckily John seems to have passed all those phases."
She takes in a long breath, her face softening a little. "He is just so sensitive. I don't want him to get hurt. I don't want him to get used to you and then feel abandoned if you do decide to change your mind about all this." She gestures around the room with her palms up.
He bows his head and rubs his leg. He does understand her concern. She still thinks he is a ticking time bomb, ready to go off any minute. "I offered to take him up here for eight weekends. Less than that, in case you make the trip down once or twice. I am positive that I can commit to that. We can draft a contract if that alleviates your doubts. I recently practiced how to sign with my nose, in case I loose both arms. Oh wait, I wouldn't be able to drive him anymore, then, would I? Which actually should get me out of the contract, right? Let's add a section on that."
She rolls her eyes at him, but drops her arms to her sides and relaxes a bit. "And you wanna stay here with us? At the weekends?" she asks, raising her eyebrows.
He shrugs. He has not completely thought this through and is not entirely sure about what he wants. "I can stay at a hotel. Join you for some things. Go to Rachel's soccer games." He shrugs again. "I don't know."
She pulls in her lower lip and nods briefly. "All right," she says, her voice more gentle. "We'll figure it out."
A few seconds pass by in which they simply look at each other, until Cuddy turns to leave. She takes a few steps towards her bedroom before she stops herself, thinking of something: "Thank you. For helping me out before." She raises her chin towards the couch, referring to the conversation with John. "And today, in general."
"Ditto," he replies drily.
"Sleep well." She turns off the light as she heads into her room.