Chapter 18

"Mama, when Daddy coming?" James asked Natasha over breakfast.

"He'll pick you up from daycare and you'll sleep at daddy's tonight." She told him while helping him cut his pancakes. "Are you excited for boys night?"

"Why is Daddy not staying here?" Her son asked with big eyes. "Are you mad?"

"No, baby. I'm not mad." She said softly.

She wasn't mad at James or anyone else. It was her own fault that he'd figured out that his parents had been involved. She shouldn't have started something with Steve, or at least she should have been more careful about it. Now James had all these hopes about Steve moving in and his parents getting married, and Natasha wasn't so sure if that would ever turn into reality. She knew that Steve wanted a real relationship, he'd mentioned that more than once since James had dropped his bomb, but she didn't know if that was something that she wanted. Was she really relationship material? What if they broke up, hating each other? They were in each other's life forever because of James.

"Mama?"

"Hm?"

"Can Liho come with me today?"

"Oh no, baby. Sorry, that's not possible."

James made an unhappy noise, but nodded. "Okay. Daddy misses you. You're not smiling so much anymore."

Leave it to a child to abruptly change the subject. She had told Steve after that brunch that they should hit the breaks and stop sleeping together. They only saw each other now when one of them was picking up James from the other one. They truly acted like a divorced couple who shared custody. She missed him, but she didn't know if it was enough for a relationship.

"Daddy loves you! Don't you love daddy?!"

Oh, God. She really wished that James hadn't asked her that. She didn't know if she had an answer to that. She loved Steve, she always had. But was she in love with him? She didn't know. Was she even capable of that kind of love?

"You know that there are different versions of love? Family love, love between friends, romantic love...Your father is my best friend and I've always loved him." She answered, hoping this non-answer was enough for her two year old. Really, it was too early for these kind of talks. Liho walked into the kitchen in that moment and thankfully James was distracted.

Natasha walked her son to daycare before she hailed a cab that took her to work. Darcy greeted her with a big smile and informed her that the city approved their plans for a new playground behind the new center. Natasha took a closer look at her co-worker and she was sure that this wasn't the reason why Darcy was smiling so much. She was tempted to probe more to distract herself from her own private mess, but she had too much work today. Hopefully that would make her not think too much about Steve.

The morning was spent by going over finance reports and Natasha couldn't wait to leave her office for lunch break. She never cared for this side for the job, but it had to be done.

She shut down her laptop, grabbed her coat and purse, and left the office. She was going to treat herself today and have a nice burger with lots of cheese and bacon. She checked her phone, not looking up, and ran into someone.

"Oh, I'm sorry!"

"It's fine, Nat."

Crap. She knew that voice, she looked up and Steve was standing in front of her. Fuck. She wasn't going to see him today. Was he here by accident or...The expression on his face told her that he was near her office on purpose. He was a stubborn man after all.

"Are you on your lunch break?" He didn't let her answer. "I'm free right now. Let me buy you lunch."

"Steve-" She sighed. "I don't think that's-"

"Please, Nat. It can't go on like this. We have to talk about this. Let me buy you lunch." He gave her a pleading look and the desperation in his eyes made her nod her head. He smiled shyly. "Thank you. What are you in the mood for? Burgers?"

God, he knew her so well. "Burgers sound great."

Ever since that brunch two weeks ago, she hadn't been alone with Steve. James had been there or some of their friends who apparently knew that "she and Steve were made for each other". Natasha had avoided to be alone with Steve because she was scared of what could happen. They had the tendency to end up naked and sweaty when they were alone. At least they were in public and she was too careful to publicly kiss him. God, she missed kissing him.

They walked in silence to a diner nearby and ordered burgers and fries. Once the waitress left them, Steve took a deep breath and gave her his puppy eyes. "I miss you. I miss talking to you. I know it's not ideally that James found out on his own, but we belong together. You, me and James."

She pushed around the napkin in front of her. "We shouldn't have slept with each other when James was in the apartment. What if he heard us?"

"Natasha, he didn't hear anything. And other parents have sex as well, when their kids are in the house. It's normal. We're a normal family."

The waitress arrived with their food and Natasha took a big bite from her burger so she didn't have to talk. Sitting in front of Steve made her heart beat faster and her body ache for him. She missed him, she missed him in her bed, but mostly she missed the three of them being a little family.

"I don't know what to do." She told him honestly. "Are we a couple? Are we going to be together forever? Are we going to end up resenting each other and James is gonna end up traumatized and hating his parents?"

"I could never hate you. Even if you decide that you don't want me the way I want you, I would never hate you." He reached over the table to hold her hand. "You're it for me. I came back for you because I love you more than anything. And finding out about James was just the cherry on top. I want us to be a real family. I want to live with you, I want to marry you one day, I want more children with you. God, a diner is not the right place to admit that."

"Steve..." She whispered, staring at her plate. She couldn't look at him right now because he would see that she wanted that too. Did that mean she loved him? God, why did she have to be so screwed up? Any other woman would know what she was feeling.

"I think the real question is if you love me too, Natasha."

She looked up at him. His face was a cross between hope and fear. "I...I don't know...I don't know if I'm capable of that. The idea of you being with someone else makes me furious, but maybe that just means I'm possessive. I don't want to be touched by someone else, but maybe I'm just picky."

Steve smiled, but it looked more sad than happy. She knew that it wasn't what he wanted to hear. "I know I have no right to ask you to love me back even though I wish for nothing more. But I don't think I can keep doing this if you don't love me. I'm hoping for more and James is too. He's asking me when we are all going to live together and why I'm not staying over for sleepovers anymore."

"I don't want to be with anyone else. I was...I was waiting for you to come back...to me." She admitted.

"I know." Steve smiled softly, but it didn't reach his eyes. "You told me when you were sick. You told me that you were jealous about Peggy. That gave me hope...but now your behavior since James and everyone else knows...I have my doubts..."

Her heart broke in that moment. He looked so defeated, so hopeless. She didn't want him to feel like this. She wanted him to be happy. She'd always wanted him to have everything. Was that love?

The waitress came back in that moment to ask if everything was alright. Steve managed to smile a yes and the woman left opened her mouth to say something, anything to make Steve feel better, but her phone rang in that moment.

"I'm sorry, I have to take this."

Steve nodded and she answered her phone. Darcy informed her that city suddenly had second thoughts about the playground. Natasha clenched her jaw. She would have to take care of this, but she didn't want to leave Steve right now. She looked at him, but he was staring out of the window. She couldn't lose him. It had almost destroyed her the first time, she couldn't do it again. He belonged with her...and more importantly, she belonged to him. She told Darcy that she would be back soon and ended the call.

"I have to go."

"I figured." Steve smiled, but it wasn't convincing. "I know how important your job is."

"Steve-" She bit her lip, unsure how to proceed. She had an idea, but what if he turned her down? "Are you free this Friday? Do you... do you want to go out with me?"

"Are you asking me on a date?" A hopeful smile was lighting up his face and, God, he was just so beautiful.

"Yes. I...We should go on a date." Her cheeks felt warm. "I've never been on one."

"Me neither. I'd love to go on a date with you. Should I read into it as much I'm already doing?"

That hopeful smile on his face made her feel like a teenage girl. She nodded shyly and Steve beamed so brightly at her that her heart almost jumped out of her chest.

And then it hit her.

Yes, she was in love with him. She had been in love with him this whole time. That was the reason why she had been so furious at him, why she had missed him so much.

She loved him.

She smiled back at him, feeling giddy and so warm.

She loved him.

Tomorrow was her date with Steve. Steve who she loved. Steve who didn't know that she was in love with him. Oh God, how did other people do this? How could Steve say so easily that he loved her?! He hadn't experienced a fucked up childhood, so maybe that helped.

She was standing in her closet, trying to figure out what to wear tomorrow. She'd planned a classic date for them. Dinner and then dancing. She hoped that Steve would like that. She should probably wear a dress, but what kind of dress? A little black one, or rather something softer? Like a floral dress? Shit, she didn't own one. Would she have time tomorrow to buy one? Jesus, was everyone so nervous before their first date?

The doorbell rang a few times, informing her that James and Bucky were back. Today was Thursday and now that Bucky was back in the country, Thursday was Bucky day again.

Natasha left her closet and walked to the door to let the two in. James gave her a big hug and told her excitedly about the dog they had just seen. Bucky kissed her cheek as a greeting and handed her James's backpack. She put it on the bench in the hallway before she helped James out of his jacket and shoes. He ran off to find Liho as soon as he was out of his shoes.

"I heard you got a big date tomorrow?" Bucky asked her with a grin on his face and followed her into the kitchen after she'd asked him if he wanted a beer.

"Did James tell you?!"

"No. Steve did." Bucky laughed. "Does the little guy know about the date?"

"I don't think so. But then again, it looks like I can't keep anything from him."

"He's your son, what did you expect?" He chuckled and took the beer bottle from him. She narrowed her eyes at him and he only laughed. "Stevie's pretty nervous. It's kinda cute."

"You think Steve's cute?" She sassed back, secretly pleased that she wasn't the only one who was nervous.

"That's not what I said. If I wanted him, I could have had him decades ago." He joked and took a sip. "You got a sitter for James?"

"He's gonna stay the night at Laura's. I wasn't sure if you wanted him for another day."

"Hey, I love that kid!" He put his hand on his chest in shock. "I would have watched him, but I...I have already plans..."

Bucky seemed suddenly flustered and almost shy which wasn't like him at all. "What kind of plans?"

"He has a date!" James ran into the kitchen in that moment. Jesus, that kid had impeccable timing. What, was he waiting outside, eavesdropping?! "Can I have a snack, mama? Please?"

Bucky's face was flushed. "So much for what happens at boys day, stays at boys day!"

James ignored him, waiting for his string cheese. She gave him a stick and he thanked her before he ran out of the kitchen. She turned to Bucky. "So you have a date?" She asked him with a smile on her face. She was surprised, but happy for him.

"Well, yeah...It's still very new..."

"Do I know her?"

"Uh, yes...It's Darcy."

Darcy? She definitely didn't see that coming. She wouldn't have thought that Darcy would have been his type, but then again, she didn't really know his type. So Bucky was the reason Darcy was smiling so much? "Wow, that's great! I'm glad you're putting yourself out there."

"Yeah..." Bucky smiled. "We ran into each other and she asked me if I wanted to have some coffee and it was really...nice. We've been to dinner once. Tomorrow is our second date."

"She seems like she would be a bit too much for you-"

"I like that about her. She's not treating me like I'm made out of glass. She just says what is on her mind. It's refreshing."

She smiled at that. "I'm happy for you." She elbowed him gently. "Do you want me to give her the shovel talk?"

Bucky laughed. "You want me to give Steve one?"

"I don't think that's necessary. You might get a shovel talk from Thor when he comes to Earth next month."

"He doesn't have to. Darcy has already introduced me to her taser. I like her. She's funny and smart. And so gorgeous."

"She's got a great rack." Natasha winked at him.

He snorted. "Yeah, that too. I think I'll tell her you said that."

"She's gonna love that." She grinned at him and he nodded in agreement. Darcy and Bucky. Huh, the more she thought about, the more she could see it working. They were both good people and they deserved some romance in their lives. "Do you wanna stay for dinner, Bucky?"

"Yeah, I'd love to."

Natasha had changed her outfit seven times. She had bought in her lunch break five new dresses, but ended up wearing one she'd already owned. At least she'd kept the tags on and could return the dresses. She was so nervous that her hand hadn't kept still and she had to redo her eyeliner. This wasn't just a date, it was the start of the rest of their lives. She knew that and she was nervous about that. What if she messed it up? What if she was incapable of giving Steve what he needed. What if she couldn't make him happy?

She checked her reflection one more time, happy with how she looked. She had chosen a simple black dress that showed off her back and her strappy heels made her legs look longer than they actually were. Her doorbell rang and she nodded at herself in the mirror. She could do this, Steve loved her and she loved him.

Steve had insisted on picking her up, even though she'd asked him out, and of course he wanted to pick her up, it was such a Steve thing. She smoothed down her dress and walked through the apartment to the door.

God, Steve looked so good. Her eyes traveled over his body when she opened the door. She was greeted with a bright smile when her eyes reached his face.

"Hi."

"Hi."

"Wow, you look amazing, Nat."

"Thank you." Oh God, she was actually blushing. "You look great, too." He really did in his grey suit, he'd left the tie at home and she was itching to unbutton his dress shirt to see more of his chest. She wanted to bite...Okay, wow, stay on track, Romanoff!

He handed her a bouquet of flowers and she smiled at him. He was so good to her, he treated her so well. She told him that she was getting a vase for the flowers and then they could go, and she heard Steve following her into the kitchen.

His fingertip trailed down her naked back while she filled a vase with water. She couldn't help but shiver. They hadn't really touched each other in over three weeks.

"God, you're so fucking beautiful."

"Language!"

He groaned in annoyance, but that comment didn't stop him from kissing her shoulder blade. God. She wanted him to push her dress over her hips and... Nope. There would be time for that later.

"We should go." She managed to breathe out.

"Mhm." Steve hummed in agreement and pressed another kiss onto her skin. "You smell so good."

"Steve..."

"I know." He stepped away and she immediately missed his presence. "I'm sorry."

She turned around and smiled at him. "Don't be. I love it when you touch me."

"I love it, too." He grinned before his expression turned soft. "Can I kiss you before we go?"

"Yes, please."

He gently cupped her face and gave her a sweet, lingering kiss. She could see his love for her in his eyes when he pulled away. She hoped he could see the same in hers. She put the flowers in the vase and left them on the kitchen island, and Steve helped her into her coat, his fingers brushing over her neck.

"So what are we doing tonight?"

"I was thinking we go to dinner, I booked us a table at an Italian restaurant, and then we go dancing?"

"Sounds amazing, even though I'm not as good at dancing as you, sweetheart."

"I'll lead, honey."

Steve's smile widened at the pet name. "I'll follow you anywhere." He offered her his arm, but she took his hand and laced their fingers together. She wanted to hold his hand. He looked at their hands and lifted them up to press a kiss on the back of her hand.

The restaurant looked lovely and Natasha was glad that she'd booked a table here. They were seated in the back with view of the garden, and the place had a romantic atmosphere. It was the perfect place for a date.

They ordered a bottle of wine and had a look at the menu. She chose scampi e spinaci while Steve picked Tagliata di Manzo, he could never say no to steak.

The waiter wrote their order down and left with the menus, and Steve reached over the table to hold her hand. "This place looks great."

"I'm glad you like it." She smiled at him. The candlelight gave his face a beautiful golden glow. "I hope your dish has garlic in it. Mine definitely does."

"Why?" He quirked an eyebrow. "You got plans later?"

"Maybe." She bit her lip and his eyes darkened.

Their food arrived shortly later and it was really good. Steve let her have a bite of his steak and she fed him a fork of her pasta. It felt good to do this with Steve. To be just a man and a woman enjoying each other's company. She promised herself that they would have regular date nights from now on.

"I...I have a job."

"Hm?" She gave him a questioning look. She hadn't know that he was looking for something. He enjoyed his art classes and...God, what if he was going back to SHIELD? No, that was too dangerous-

"I sent a few sketches to an ad agency...They were looking for an illustrator for a project and they liked my stuff. They offered me the gig."

"That's amazing, honey!"

"Thank you." He blushed adorably. "I...I sent them under a fake name. I told them my name is Grant Stevens."

"Oh, Steve!"

"I know! I just...I didn't want to get the job because they wanted Captain America...I wanted to get a fair chance."

"I'm sure they'll understand that. You're too talented for them to let you get away."

They had tiramisu as desert, and she didn't let Steve pay for dinner. She'd asked him out so she was going to pay, and Steve pouted like a toddler. Really it was the 21st century, women could pay for dinner as well!

"You can pay the next time." She told him while he helped her into her coat.

"There will be another date?" His voice was hopeful and she felt bad that he could be thinking that tonight was a one time thing.

"I hope so." She said in earnest and he smiled, lacing their fingers together.

Natasha had spent a lot of time online to find the right place to go to after dinner. She wanted to go dancing with Steve, actual dancing and not clubbing. God knew there were more than enough clubs in New York City, but not the kind of places she was searching for. She just hoped that the place she'd chosen was going to live up to her expectations. The cab brought them to Brooklyn and Steve seemed happy to be back in his old neighborhood.

Thankfully the bar was exactly what Natasha had hoped for. Couples were dancing, others were sitting at small tables having drinks, and the whole place looked elegant and the music so far was good. They had drinks before Steve asked her to dance.

Natasha had taught Steve how to dance when they had still been working for SHIELD. She'd taught him several dances in his living room, and yes, he wasn't as good as her, but he was still good at it.

She didn't know how long they were on the dance floor, but it had to be hours. The music selection was very varied, and she and Steve danced salsa, foxtrot and slow waltz. She couldn't remember the last time she'd danced so much. No, she couldn't remember the last time she'd danced. Dancing around the living room with James didn't count.

"I want us to do this more often." She whispered to Steve after he twirled her and she was in his arms.

"Me, too."

"Kiss me." She didn't know if she was asking or ordering, she just needed him to kiss her. He leaned down and kissed her while they kept slow dancing to the music.

"Remember the first time we kissed?" Steve asked, brushing his lips against hers.

"You mean on the escalator?"

"No." He laughed softly. "I mean our first real kiss."

She nodded. "Yeah, I remember. I still can't believe that you made the first move."

"Yeah...I just had to kiss you. I didn't know why. You looked so sad when I told you that I was moving back to the city and a part of me didn't want to leave the compound, but I felt like a failure."

"Thanos wasn't your fault."

"Still felt like it. And I just had to kiss you before I left."

"You did more than kiss me that night." She whispered, remembering that night clearly. She hadn't wanted him to return to New York, but she had known that she had to let him do it. She'd watched him put his stuff in the car, already knowing that she would feel so lonely without him. He had walked over to her to say goodbye and then just kissed her. They had both been shocked, but Natasha had still grabbed his face to kiss him again. They'd left a trail of clothes to her quarters and slept together for the first time.

"I've already loved you then. I just didn't realize it."

She kissed him. This was the moment to tell him about her feelings. "I've already loved you then, too."

"Natasha-" Steve choked up.

"I love you." She hoped her voice carried her immense love for him. "I'm in love with you."

"I love you, too." He whispered hoarsely and he slanted his lips over her. "So much."

"Take me home, honey." She needed to be alone with him, she needed to show him her love.

One year later

"My room!" James squeaked and ran straight into his parents' bedroom, jumping on the bed.

Steve shook his head in amusement, leaning against the door frame. "That's not your room, buddy. Nice try though."

James made a face. "But the bed is sooo big! It's a dream land!"

"Okay, off the bed with you!" Natasha shooed him away. She didn't want him to get the idea that he could just jump up and down on beds. "You have a really great room, James, remember?"

"Yes, mama!" James almost ran into his father on his way out of his parents' bedroom, probably heading to his own room down the hall.

Steve came over to her and pulled her into his arms. "Hey."

"Hi." She rose onto her toes to give him a kiss. "I can't be believe we're finally moving in! That the house is finally done!"

"I know, me too." He captured her lips in another kiss.

Steve had soon moved in with her and James after their first official date, and they'd both decided that they needed a bigger place, that they'd wanted a house. In the end they'd found a beautiful brown stone house close to their old neighborhood and bought it after the first viewing. It had needed some work, but it was just perfect for them.

"Mama! Daddy!" James came back and Steve picked him up. God, James was so happy now that his parents were together and openly in love. She brushed a strain of hair out of her son's face and kissed his cheek. "Daddy, now?"

"Yeah, buddy, I think now is a good time."

"What are you two talking about?"

Both her boys shared a secret smile and Steve let James back down before he got down on one knee. Oh my God! They had talked about marriage, but-

"Tasha, will you marry me?"

"Say yes, mommy!" James suddenly had a diamond ring in his hand. Holy shit, that was one big ass diamond!

She dropped to her knees."Yes, of course I'll marry you!" She grabbed Steve's face and kissed him until James pushed himself between his parents. "I love you, Steve."

"I love you, too, Natasha." He took the ring from James and slid it onto her finger. "I can't wait to be your husband. You make me so damn happy!"

"Daddy said damn!" James giggled.

She smiled at her future husband and she was pretty sure that Steve would even be more happier when she was going to tell him tonight that she was pregnant with their second child.

The End