Hi everyone,
So, this is it, Thor's chapter!
Uhm... This was an absolute b*tch to write... Even harder than the wyvern scene... I can honestly say that I have never been THIS nervous and insecure when posting a new chapter.
Maybe some of you remember that in the second chapter of this fic Thor told Loki that he has always wanted him? -"'For years I had to restrain myself, wondering what it would be like to feel you around me."
Well, I kinda changed that... for the sake of the story...
I just really hope you will enjoy reading this chapter and that I did justice to Thor's P.O.V.
Steve cursed, his back aching as he crawled through yet another narrow tunnel.
It had taken him hours to find the secret passage which had led him to the other side of the palace walls, and now he still had to get into the palace itself. With guards standing on high alert at every gate and door he had no choice but to search his way through the labyrinth of underground tunnels which the trickster had so easily guided him through earlier.
He decided to take a left, coming across yet another crossing which did not feel familiar. 'Fuck,' he cursed under his breath as he barely managed to dodge a cobweb. He looked down, noticing a shriveled creature, the size of his foot, dead on its back. Its large fangs were only seconds away from falling from its jaw, its eight hirsute legs curled around its body. Steve had to take a deep breath as he passed the being that was hardly a spider anymore, briefly wondering if he would meet the same fate in this cursed warren.
If only he had paid more attention when he was still with Loki.
He decided to just keep walking, marking some of the paths by drawing arrows in the dust or sand that covered the floor. He was starting to get tired, sighing hopelessly as he crossed a path which he had already walked before.
He looked around, wondering where to go as the trickster's words echoed through his mind. Loki had told him to leave the palace, to escape from Asgard and never look back.
Steve gritted his teeth in frustration. He would never leave the god like this. If only Loki would talk, if only he had said what was troubling him. Steve could have helped him. They could have worked on a solution, maybe even talk with Thor or, if all else fails, escape this damn place together.
It took the captain another three hours of constant walking before he finally found a mark that could help him navigate. He tilted his head, his attention fully drawn towards bloody boot prints that had settled on the dusted floor. They were Loki's, no doubt.
Steve followed the trail, his walking turning into a run as he started to recognize the path. He climbed up countless stairs before making it back into the palace, the trail of mud ending in one of the hallways. 'Loki?!' He shouted, but no answer was given. He tried catching his breath as he laid his eyes upon a painfully familiar satchel, surrounded by shattered glass and dead critters.
'No…' he crouched down, searching for what could still be saved.
The enhanced hearing of the soldier caused him to pick up a sound somewhere at the other end of the long hall. He ran towards the voices, took a corner and nearly crashed into two scullery maids.
'Where's Loki?' He demanded, his voice lacking its usual kindness as the two young women looked at him in shock.
'W-we do not know,' the brunette answered, two empty tankards clasped in her hands.
Steve barely managed to keep himself from slamming the poor girl against the wall. He cursed underneath his breath and gritted his teeth, the maids warily keeping their distance. 'I must speak with Thor.'
'The Allfather does not wish to be distu-'
It was the captain's fist crashing into the wall right next to her head that caused the young girl to fall silent. She hardly dared to breath, lips parted as she froze in fear. Deep blue eyes peered straight at her, demanding and shadowed with ire.
Steve didn't have to say another word, for the girl pointed towards the grand staircase, her entire body quivering. 'H-he is in his chamber.'
The man gave a quick nod in gratitude before sprinting up the stairs, ignoring the servant's further warnings.
Blood pumped wildly through his veins, his hands clasped into tight fists as the door to the Allfather's chamber came into sight. It was covered in a layer of gold, its doorpost shining brightly with the finest ornaments. The captain narrowed his eyes, the splendorous display only fueling his anger.
He approached the door with big steps and pressed the palms of his hands against the shiny metal, ready to barge into the room.
He managed to stop himself at the last moment, knowing that he had to stay calm. He had to clear his mind.
He steadied himself, opened the door without a sound and walked inside.
It was in this room that he found a god sitting idly upon a silk couch. A god who remained silent and sat perfectly still, his back towards the captain.
Thor bathed in gold, warm afternoon sunlight caressing his skin and lightening his yellow hair. The Allfather's head was hanging low, his elbows resting upon his knees and hands folded.
Steve took a deep breath, wanting to ask Thor of Loki's whereabout, but the God was the first to speak.
'Oh merciful Three Norns,' the blond muttered, 'You know I am a righteous King and of my virtue I am justly proud.'
Steve raised a questioning brow and glanced into the room, wondering who the god was talking to. It was only when Thor continued that the captain realized he was praying.
'I ask you for your help, your guidance and your forgiveness.' Thor drew a stuttered breath, his muscles tensing as he continued. His words were slurred, his voice a soft mutter, 'I have no other choice. It is not my fault, I am not to blame. I merely try to help him, save him from himself. He simply cannot see this…' A moment of silence fell in which the god seemed to search for the right words. He eventually sighed, heavy and defeated. 'Norns have mercy on him… Norns have mercy on me. But he will be mine, or he will-'
Thor's eyes flew open as he heard the shifting of feet. He straightened his back, not turning around to look at the intruder. 'He shall be punished for what he has done to you, captain.'
Steve's blood instantly ran cold at the god's words. 'What he has done to me?' he repeated, wondering how Thor knew it was him.
The god let out a breathless laughter, small and barely audible. 'You poor naïve thing. My brother had an enchantment placed upon you, one that you have failed to notice. Do not blame yourself for your failure, captain, I doubt any mortal could keep his trickeries at bay. Fortunately, I am mighty. His false words have never managed to effect me.' He grabbed a full tankard of ale from a side table and chucked it down in big gulps. He then held it upside down, sighing as not a drop of liquor fell and threw it into a corner of his room. 'I know this is unspoken of, yet still- still I ask of you not to think ill of my brother. He is… fevered in his mind.'
Steve frowned, his eye twitching as he did not fail to notice the god's slurred sentences and apathic tone. He hardly cared for the Allfather's words as he sought the answer to one simple question; 'Where is Loki?'
'He is… far away,' Thor pressed his back into the cushions of the couch. His head was heavy, mind dazed and swimming in the warmth of Asgardian ale. He stared at the ceiling, 'My brother's mind… is so far gone.'
The captain shuddered, wondering who was truly lost. He had to think of something, for he knew there was no reasoning with those drunk on mead and desire. 'I have come here so I can continue to follow your orders, Allfather.' He had to swallow his anger, his revulsion, as he walked towards the other.
He slowly approached him and laid his eyes upon the dozens of empty tankards spread across the floor, the scent of alcohol heavy in the air. Steve's mouth was dry, his muscles tense as he forced himself to stay calm. 'I have pledged to you my undying fidelity. Now, I ask of you, tell me where Loki is so I can-'
'Loki already came back to me,' Thor hissed through gritted teeth. 'Though he was not unharmed!' His anger instantly slipped from his mind, his mood changing like a leaf dancing in autumn winds. 'Well, it matters not. I have returned, and I am not planning on leaving.' His voice was hollow, his body slumped as he had yet to meet the mortal's gaze. The god managed to lift a hand in a sluggish gesture towards the door. He still failed to meet Steve's gaze as he continued, 'Farewell, Steven, son of Joseph. I have no use for you any longer, I hereby release you from my service.'
'… No. Thor, I can't go yet, I really need to-' Steve fell silent as he stepped in front of the Allfather, his breath caught in his throat as he laid his eyes upon clothes stained red. Drops of blood were splattered across the god's face, hands still dripping with ruby liquid. '…What did you do?' he whispered under his breath but received no answer, the stench of alcohol stinging his eyes. 'Where is Loki?!'
'Did you know I have not heard my brother's laughter in over so many years…' It was a realization rather than a question. 'Ever since that day- I made them pay for the horrors they had bestowed upon him.' He swallowed and nodded heartily, as if he had to defend his actions before the mortal, as if seeking his approval. 'They all paid, their blood painted the snow red.'
'Wha-?!' Steve sighed in frustration, wondering if he would ever get any useful information from the drunk god. 'Who paid for what? What are you talking about?'
'The monsters who killed my parents and tormented my little brother,' he let his head fall back, golden hair falling over his shoulders. 'The Jötnar, they drove Loki to madness, so I slaughtered them all.'
'I think the only one driving Loki to madness right now would be you.'
The words left Steve's lips before he could even think of stopping himself.
'…What do you know?' Thor sat up straight, his eyes narrowed as he glared at the captain. 'What do you know?!' He shouted in drunken rage and jumped to his feet, barely able to keep himself standing. 'You know nothing of me, nor Loki! You have no knowledge of what happened! How I saw my baby brother chained and pale as Death herself! How he carried the heads of my beloved mother and father!' Thor ranted, hands slamming into the mortal's chest as he pushed him back.
The captain let him, his countenance reserved and patient. His eyes narrowed slightly, his heart beating painfully loud in his chest as the god's words started to dawn on him.
'Loki ran away from home for reasons I still do not know! My parents went to retrieve him from Jotunheim and then they-!' Thor stopped to take a deep breath, trying to calm his trembling body. 'I had to rule Asgard, protect the Nine Realms and I-' He gulped, tears burning in his bloodshot eyes. 'I nearly lost my brother as well… For a crushing, paralyzing moment I thought I had lost everyone who was dear to me…'
'What happened to Loki?' Steve managed to swallow the lump that had settled in his throat, his voice hoarse. 'Thor, what happened to the two of you?'
'He was so shocked, so traumatized by what he had seen he-' Thor quickly rubbed his eyes and fell back on the couch as his legs could no longer support him. 'He ran away the moment the Einherjar freed him from his chains, running to a place I did not know where. He left me behind, to look after a kingdom in despair, a kingdom without King. To tend to my parents' funeral while he-!' The god pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes, fighting yet failing to prevent a sob from escaping his numbs lips. He let himself slide of the couch and fell on hands and knees, crawling as he sought for a drop of mead among the empty tankard, all while whispering; 'I thought I had lost everyone…'
Steve's jaw clenched, his hands formed into tight fists as he realized he indeed knew hardly anything about Loki, nor Thor. The story of these two gods, related in ways the captain did not want to understand, churned his stomach. The image of the Allfather brought to his knees by grief and sorrow caused his heart to beat softly in his chest.
Thor bellowed in frustration as he found only empty tankards and threw an armchair towards the other end of the room. The furniture crashed into a wall and shattered to pieces as the god panted in defeat and misery. 'I thought I had lost him! My scouts found him days later, in the southern forest, wrists slit. He had tried to take his own life and leave me behind…!'
'… Is that why you don't want him to leave you?' Steve had to steady himself, to keep his voice from faltering as he tried to comprehend the god's story. A colorful image of the trickster god came to mind, body laid to rest underneath old trees, wrists cut and red with blood. 'Are you afraid he will try again?'
'He had tried to leave me behind, alone,' Thor continued, his clouded mind unable to progress the captain's words, tears rushing down his face. 'I have tried to reason with him once he was cleared from his sickbed. I have told him that he had to stay by my side! That he could never leave me again! But he- he wanted to go his own ways.' Thor looked up, eyes spilling with hot tears as he sought for any form of solace from the mortal. 'He wanted to venture into the world, into galaxies! To places I could not follow for I was bound to Asgard! Burdened to be its King! …H-he had- he had to stay! You have to understand…! He cannot leave me alone. I do not want… want to be alone…'
'…I understand,' Steve nodded as he approached the god, his hands held up in benevolence. What else could he have said? What else could he have done?
He found truth in his words; he did understand. He could imagine so very well the trauma and everlasting hurt of losing all those who are dear to you in a matter of minutes. His heart was still aching as he thought of his own friends, of the Howling Commandos, of Bucky... All lost. He could only understand the need to keep someone so dear to you from straying from your side.
Thor had no time for grief, never had time to mourn the loss of his parents as nine Realms without Allfather leaned heavily on his shoulders. Steve breathed quietly, his brows furrowed in sympathy as he looked upon the broken god.
Though little did he know of what horrors the Allfather had bestowed upon his younger brother.
Steve crouched down in front of Thor. He grabbed the god's hands and studied the dried blood coloring his skin. 'Thor, you are right. I don't know you or Loki all that well and I don't know what's going on between the two of you but… I really think you need help.'
'What would you have me do?' Thor asked desperately, tears drying on his cheeks. 'He will not stay, only doing as he so pleases! I am merely saving him from his own stubbornness! From his selfishness,' Thor pulled his hands free, an angry scowl forming on his face. 'He would not listen to reasoning! He never has and he never will! This is-' he nodded slowly and stared at his ruby stained clothes, body trembling. 'This is the only way. If he will listen to reason, then he shall stay out of fear...'
'…I see,' Steve nodded, his voice hardly more than a whisper. His face contorted as the coppery scent of dried blood started to fill his lungs, his heart racing as he dared to wonder what the Allfather had done to Loki. 'I understand, I do, and I think you are right.' He had to stay strong as Thor looked at him, wondering and pleading eyes seeming to stare straight into his soul. 'I- I think Loki should stay here as well, for his own good. And I think I should talk to him.' As Thor kept staring Steve quickly added; 'He has to know his place. Which is here, with you.'
'My brother does not answer to mere words.'
'Well, if he won't answer to words then maybe he will to pain.' Steve knew he took a massive risk. Either Thor would trust him and tell him where the trickster god was, or he would slaughter him for even daring to suggest hurting his younger brother. 'Your lesson is well learned,' he quickly added as Thor continued to stare at him. 'I see now what I must do. For Loki's sake, for yours and for all of Asgard. He must never set foot outside this palace again.'
A long silence followed.
'… True companions are hard to come by,' Thor finally spoke as he clambered back onto his couch, wary and barely conscious. His voice was rough though still so small, eyes staring blankly into nothingness. 'Loki is in the Northern wing, just past the lower levels of the dungeons.'
The slant of Steve's shoulders spelled a quiet despondency. How he wanted to ask the god a thousand questions, wanting to know everything about him, about his younger brother and their relationship.
Yet now Loki was all he could think of.
'He will never leave me again, Steven.' Thor muttered as Steve had already turned on his heel. He let his head rest upon a pillow, eyes heavy as he sighed. 'How I wish to hear his laughter one more time…'
Steve ran through hallways and down stone stairs, agilely maneuvering past maids and soldiers. He heeds them no mind, his panting echoing as he followed a trail of footsteps and dried blood. He felt the weight of his shield on his back, the precious item returned to him by orders of the Allfather. His heart was drumming in his ears, his body and mind in full soldier state.
He came to an abrupt halt as the trail disappeared underneath an old and weathered door.
'Loki?!' Steve shouted, hands banging against the door, yet no answer was given. 'Loki?!'
He tried to push the doors open, but the sturdy material would not give under this brute force. He cursed and took a few steps back, grabbed his shield and barged into the room with all his weight and strength.
The light coming from the torches behind the captain casted an ominous shadow upon the dusted floor. The air was thin and heavy with the scent of mildew and blood, the familiar taste of copper filling his mouth.
Steve's eyes widened as he began to grow accustomed to the darkness, his breath stuck in his throat as the dust slowly settled.
A body without movement was locked inside a golden birdcage. The floor and metal stained in red, blood dripping from hands and wrists. Lean fingers intertwined with golden bars, blue skin underneath bloodied fingernails. Pale and chapped lips slightly parted and an eye – one glazed, ruby red eye – staring without life.