Thank you for the reviews :) They really help me. Here's chapter 19!

My friends had been doubtful at first, and I couldn't blame them. If any of the adults on campus found out what we were up to, we could get into a lot of trouble. I thought it was stupid, because if the moroi were so vulnerable to the strigoi, they should have also been taught to fight against them. Dhampirs were stronger and generally more aggressive, but the moroi were gifted with magic for a reason—not just for some cute show-and-tell in a classroom.

The fact that I had come up with the idea and encouraged it certainly wasn't going to score me any points either. My disciplinary file was already so long though, so if anyone was going to take the blame, I was the best choice. To be honest, Kirova and the rest of the staff probably wouldn't even be surprised. Sneaking around campus and breaking the rules? Typical Rose Hathaway.

Still, we decided to keep things a secret for obvious reasons. We weren't planning on inviting anyone else in. We all practiced in one of the old storage units of the academy which mostly consisted of old furniture that wasn't used anymore. It was pretty much abandoned at this point, and it was one of the only locations that weren't supervised by matrons.

Lissa, Adrian and Christian practiced using magic in the event of a fight. It was mostly for self defense while Eddie and I volunteered to be their opponents.

So far, Lissa was getting the hang of things. She was using earth magic, and although it wasn't anywhere as good as someone who specialized in the element, she had actually gotten a lot of decent hits on me. It hurt every time, but it wasn't anything to seriously injure me. It made me question whether or not this would actually work in a life and death situation.

"You're getting better," I said. "But if this were life and death, I probably would have killed you."

"Ugh! How much effort does it take to kill a damn strigoi?!"

"Welcome to the life of a dhampir," I muttered, hearing Eddie chuckle in the background. "Why do you think we're trained almost everyday for so many years?"

"Allow me," Christian said, stepping in front of Lissa.

I braced myself, shaking off my nerves. "Fire away, Pyro."

The first bolt struck me harder than I expected. I was blown back and landed on my back, groaning in agitation. He hadn't set me on fire or anything, but the ball of fire was still effective enough to burn me a little. I cracked my back as I got up, giving Christian a death stare. His grin annoyed me even more.

"I see you've been practicing," I said bitterly.

"This is baby food," he said, holding back his laughter.

"You're holding back on me?" I asked incredulously. I almost felt offended.

"He wouldn't want to accidentally scratch your pretty face," Adrian commented.

"Oh, shut up," I shot back. "In fact, why don't you give it a try?"

"You sure you can handle me?"

"Bring it on."

Adrian smirked again, but his face became a little more serious as he focussed on his magic. Although he was a spirit user, he still had the ability to use other elements. I wasn't sure what he was planning on using which made it an even bigger surprise for me.

I stood at a far distance, waiting for him to use his powers, until a gust of wind sent me flying back almost as hard as Christian's ball of fire. This time, my back hit the wall, causing me to fall down.

"Not bad," I choked out, cracking my joints again as I got back up. We continued our practices for another hour. Eddie and I rotated in between hits, and at the end of our session, we were both exhausted.

"I say we call it a day," I said to the group. "Whenever you guys are free, just text the group chat."

"Will do. Goodnight guys," Christian said. Almost everyone left, but Lissa stayed behind.

"I seriously need a shower after classes," I mumbled as we headed to our class.

"Um. I'm going first this time. By the time your shower ends, I'll be getting ready for our early morning class."

"Hey. You can't blame a girl for wanting to keep herself clean after being stuck in a dirty house for a month. When they...turned me...I couldn't even shower."

Lissa's face scrunched up in disgust. "I thought they would have provided you with that."

"You'd think," I muttered. "I'm surprised I didn't catch an infectious disease."

"Vampires are naturally immune to diseases. Even if you caught something, your body would probably just cure itself...or something like that."

"Well, there's no cure for me."

Lissa went quiet at my abrupt comment. Through the bond, I knew she felt sorry. Being half strigoi wasn't exactly a disease, but there was no cure for it either. "We'll find a way. We always do," she said.

"Mhm. Keep telling yourself that, Princess."

After classes were over, I let Lissa take the bathroom first. She didn't take nearly as long as me, and it gave me a little bit of time to finish up some homework for the Russian course I was taking. I thought of asking Dimitri for help, but decided to let him rest instead. He was supposed to be up extra early for dorm security, and I didn't want to rely on him for my work.

Lissa had just turned the water off when there was a knock on our door. I got up from where I was sitting and opened the door to reveal one of the academy's guardians. I didn't know his name, but he was fairly young and usually stayed with Kirova.

My heart dropped as I realized I must have been caught. That was it. How could they have already found out about my secret self-defence training with my friends? Oh no, that meant I must have gotten them into trouble too. I thought I was good at getting away with things. I thought—

"Sorry to disturb you, Ms. Hathaway, but a package came for you in the mail. Kirova asked me to send it to you." He held a light brown folder in front of me, and its thickness showed that there must have been pages of some sort inside.

I stood there, completely dumbfounded with my mouth open until I finally snapped out of it.

"Right," I laughed, taking the package. "Sorry, who's this from?"

"I'm not sure. There's no return address on the package."

"I..." My mind spiraled. That didn't really make sense.

"Is everything alright?" the guardian asked. I blinked, forcing a fake smile.

"Yeah. Thanks for this."

"No problem, Ms. Hathaway. Goodnight."

"Night," I said curtly, shutting my door. Although there was no first or last name on the package, there was a small note inside with messy handwriting. It only said: Love, Eric.

Holy fuck. Eric. That damn bastard. He was the owner of one of the bloodwhore clubs. He must have had all of my information if he sent this. Sebastian had probably given him all of my belongings and research files to him for safekeeping.

I opened the package a little more to find a load of...pictures. My suspicion started to rise, but my curiosity got the best of me. I pulled some of the pictures out only to drop them in an instant, nearly screaming in horror. The pictures fell out of the envelope, and there they were: photos of me being fed on, being tied up, abused...raped.

"Rose? What happened?" Lissa asked on the other side of the door.

"Uh, nothing! I just dropped something," I replied, falling to my knees. My hands were scrambling all over the place as I gathered the fallen pictures together. I started to hyperventilate as I shoved them back into the envelope. I wiped my eyes furiously and made sure I wouldn't let myself break until I was alone in the bathroom.

Lissa was already walking out and was drying her hair with a towel. Still unsure as to where I was supposed to hide the package, I quickly tossed it under my bed and prayed she wouldn't see it. I'd have to find a better spot later, but for now, it was my last resort.

"Finally," I muttered hastily, storming into the bathroom.

"You okay?" Lissa asked.

"I'm great!" I said loudly, shutting the door. Lissa's confusion ran through my mind, and I felt a pang of guilt settle in my stomach for keeping this from her. Honestly though, what was I supposed to say to her? How could I even show her what I'd just seen? Those pictures were vile. Repulsive. Terrifying, even. It made me sick, and I was certain that anyone else who saw them would think I was vile too.

After throwing my clothes off in a fury, I started up the hot water until it burned my skin. It hurt, but it was exactly what I wanted. It didn't even compare to the hurt I felt inside, but I needed to feel something—anything—to get a hold of myself. I started crying in that moment, resisting the urge to punch the shower wall. I didn't want Lissa to think something was wrong, so I sat down in the scalding hot water and brought my knees up to my chest.

It didn't matter how much I cleaned my body. It didn't matter how much I scrubbed. The dirty feeling would never go away. Even if things did get better, I would always be a little scarred.

I sat there for what felt like hours until the water started to turn cold. My cries had finally stopped, leaving me feeling empty and exhausted inside. I finally got up and shut off the tap, listening to the water go down the drain. If only my fucking problems could go down with it.

I stepped out, realizing I had turned our bathroom into a sauna. The mirror was completely fogged up, but when I cleared it in the middle with my towel, I couldn't help but flinch. My body was red. The water had been so hot that I'd burned my skin all over the place. I had been so angry and frustrated that I didn't even realize how bad it really was. It made it difficult to dry myself, but I shrugged it off. My skin would just heal and go back to normal in less than an hour anyways.

When I stepped out of the bathroom, Lissa's eyes went wide. "What the—did you burn yourself?!"

I shrugged. "It's not that bad."

"Not that bad? You look like you just spent 12 hours in the sun—with no sunscreen!" I winced when she grabbed my shoulders, holding me at arm's length.

"You were crying," she realized.

"No, Lissa, I wasn't. I got shampoo in my eyes—"

"Don't," she said warningly. "You can't lie to me. Believe it or not, I can feel it through our bond if I dig hard enough."

"Then stop digging!" I slapped her hands away, turning away from her. "I'm perfectly fine. I have my moments, but I'm fine. Please stop worrying about me."

In a moment like this, Lissa would have usually felt shocked from my harsh tone. Now, she wasn't surprised in the slightest. If anything, my behavior was expected. She knew I could act like this after what I'd been through, and she had prepared herself thoroughly.

"You've been through a lot, Rose," Lissa said softly. I knew she was only trying to help me, so I stayed calm. If it made her feel better, then I would let her.

"Well, it's over now," I said, shutting my eyes. "Whatever happened to me in the past won't happen again. I won't let it."

Lissa came closer, but was careful about keeping her distance. I was always fine with her, but she knew I was feeling vulnerable and made sure not to push me too much. "I know you won't...but you can't ignore what you went through."

I spun back around. "I'm not ignoring anything. Like I said, I'm fine. I'm getting better. You don't have to hold my hand."

"I don't have to, I want to. You've always been there for me since day one. Let me do the same for you." Lissa was desperate. She was tired and needed to sleep, but she wanted me to be okay. I grabbed her hands, bringing them up to my mouth and placing a soft kiss on her fingers.

"Trust me," I murmured. "If you want to help me, the least you could do is let me get into bed."

Lissa chuckled, pulling me into a hug as the tension in the air loosened. Her arms around me were tight, and for a moment, I actually relieved some of my stress.

"Let's get some sleep," she said as we pulled back. We both crawled into our beds, and I fell asleep with a plush toy tucked tightly into my arms.

Since receiving that stupid package, my emotions had been all over the place. I'd managed to keep a stoic face throughout all my classes the next day, but I decided on not speaking to anyone for now. I had been doodling in my notebook for the past hour as I tried my best to keep myself together. I was a damn mess.

In the heat of frustration, I packed my books back into my bag and left class. Nobody seemed to notice as they were too busy either taking down notes or sleeping. The class had become more and more stuffy, and all I needed now was some air.

I found my usual sitting spot where the fountain was. I liked to come here while everybody was in class so that I could have time to think. I would have gone to the chapel attic, but people still went to church during this time of the night. I dropped my bag on the ground and sat against the structure, closing my eyes as I listened to the peaceful stream behind me.

I was glad that Sebastian was just going to be thrown in Tarasov Prison. After all his crimes, being in there for life just gave his body more time to deteriorate. His inmates would probably beat him while he was at it. Unfortunately, a part of me still felt like he would always be there, looking over my shoulder. Or maybe it was just the paranoia that came with being abducted.

Dr. Olendzki thought I suffered from PTSD, and maybe she was right. I constantly denied it as I didn't want to seem weak. I didn't want to feel weak. I wanted to be the strong girl that everyone knew me to be. I feared that being diagnosed with such a condition would ruin my reputation and I wouldn't be able to guard Lissa in the future.

I wasn't sure how long I was sitting there, but I jumped when the bell finally rang. I quickly grabbed my bag and headed to the training gym to get some hits in. I spotted Dimitri, but he was busy helping some other students with his back turned.

After quickly changing into my gym clothes, he was still busy, so I turned my attention towards the stakes. Most students used fake wooden stakes, but they did have some real ones for those who were ready to use them. We usually practiced aiming and stabbing on dummies, and there were several small holes where the students had stabbed them.

I was hesitant to touch the stakes. I hadn't touched one since I was a normal dhampir and had been holding it off for a while now. This was the one weapon that could hurt me more than anything. If I were stabbed or cut with this, the healing process could take weeks. Strigoi couldn't touch stakes either, and it made me wonder if I had the ability to touch them without feeling pain.

Working up the courage, I wrapped my hand around the silver. I was slow at first, just touching it as if it were about to burn me. The silver didn't seem to hurt me at all. Now that wasn't so hard, was it?

I sighed in relief. It felt so strange to hold the one weapon that could kill me for good. The silver felt cold and heavy in my hand, but I intended to warm it up soon. I practiced with one of the dummies, stabbing it where the heart was supposed to be. So far, I'd punctured several holes inside as I kept going at it. The images from last night replayed in my mind, almost clouding my vision in an infinite rage. I thought of Sebastian too, and I felt myself becoming more and more angry. I imagined the dummy as his body, getting stabbed by me over and over again.

I felt a pair of hands grip my shoulder, yanking the stake out of my hand. My body reacted by nearly punching whoever it was in the face. My heart dropped when I saw Dimitri's tall figure standing over me, his hand gripping my fist very closely to his face.

You almost punched him, idiot.

I quickly recovered from my haze-filled mind and blinked rapidly, taking in what I had just done.

"Oh god," I gasped out. "I'm sorry."

He let go of my hand as I panted. "That's enough for today."

I looked back at the dummy I had been using and covered my mouth. I probably punctured over fifty holes. "I-I didn't even—" I stammered. "I almost punched you."

"But you didn't," he said, taking the stake out. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," I answered quickly. Just like Lissa, Dimitri didn't believe me at all. He didn't take his eyes off of me, and after a few seconds, he cocked his head towards one of the benches.

"Sit down," he ordered. I was about to argue, but his hand on my mouth silenced me. "Sit. Down."

I complied and sat down on the side bench. I wasn't really sure what to expect, but I stayed put as the rest of the students started to head to their next class. Some of them took their time to leave, but one strict order from Dimitri had them scrambling out in no time. He was probably the only guardian at the academy who was intimidating enough to scare people off that easily.

When we were the only two people left in the gym, he kneeled in front of me, taking my shaking hands into his. He spoke quietly. "What happened back there?"

"I murdered a dummy."

Dimitri sighed. "That's not what I meant. I'm talking about you. Something is bothering you."

I rolled my eyes and scoffed, but before I could walk away, Dimitri placed a firm hand on my shoulder and forced me to sit back down. His voice was low and calm, but somehow, it was even more intimidating then his loud voice. "Rose. I'm serious. I know something happened, otherwise you wouldn't have been in such a rage. Tell me what happened."

"I... had another nightmare," I said. Well, at least I wasn't entirely lying. I just wasn't telling him the whole truth. I did have a nightmare yesterday—just like I did almost every fucking day—but I refrained from telling him about the images. I still had no idea what I was going to do with them.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Dimitri asked.

I shook my head. "No. I just needed to get my mind off of things. I wanted to spar with you, but you were busy with other students earlier."

Dimitri's eyes wavered, and for a moment, he looked thoughtful. He glanced at the clock behind him to check the time before turning back to me.

"I can spar with you now. There's still half an hour left," he said. The thought already lightened my mood, and I couldn't resist when he held out his hand and led us towards the mats.

What did you think? I know the pictures were a little harsh, but I thought it would add even more to the story.