Chapter 19

"I'm so sorry," whispered Clarisse guiltily. "But I didn't know about this, all I can see was... "

"No, you don't have to say anything." the King softly stopped her. "I would have told you really, but I just wanted to shake you up a bit, I..."

"... But it worked backward."

"I know and I'm terribly sorry... Look, I know I was too hard on you."

"Yes, you were," she sniffled, her eyes were teary. "And it hurt so much, especially from you."

"But I didn't want it this way."

"..."

"Do you believe me?" he asked, searching for her eyes. "Clarisse, I would never hurt you..."

"... I know," she answered barely audibly.

"Maybe I didn't show you lately, but you have to know that you mean everything to me." he kept the eye contact, literally bewitching her. "And I miss you... I miss you so much." he whispered, stroking her face, but before he could kiss her she pulled away instinctively. "Sorry..."

"No, I'm sorry," she finally regained her senses. "But I can't do this."

"It's okay... I perfectly understand it," he held up his hands. "I know our marriage is dying, but I'm sure we can still save it if we really want it. Clarisse you want it, right?"

"..." she just stared at him with glassy eyes, feeling that her brain doesn't work.

"Clarisse... please, just give me a chance. That's all I ask... okay?"

"..." she just nodded, because she wanted nothing more than to get out of his office. "I have to go now..."

OOOOOOOO

Clarisse barely could stand on her feet as she left her husband's office. She was totally confused and felt unlimited remorse... remorse towards Joseph and her husband also, but she could not decide which feeling was right and which was wrong. She hated herself... hated for something she could not explain, while she felt thousands of feelings at the same time. There was only one thing, what she was sure about... that she needs time. A few hours alone could clear her mind, but as she reached her suite she quickly went to bed and pretended to be asleep, otherwise Joseph would ask a lot of questions what she would not be able to answer...

Joseph arrived back a few minutes later than her, and after he realized that she was already asleep, he made himself comfortable in the armchair next to her and dozed off a bit... but soon he woke up on crying...

"Clarisse?... You okay?" he asked softly as he moved closer, stroking her back.

"..."

"Hey, what's the matter?"

"..."

"Don't you want to tell me?" he kissed her head gently, "...I just wanna help."

"I know," she finally spoke.

"What's the matter?"

"Could you..." she turned to face with him, "Could you bring me a cup of tea first?"

"... Of course." he said softly, stroking her arm. "I'll be back in a minute."

OOOOOOO

In the kitchen...

"You can't sleep?" asked Charlotte with a smile, looking up from her coffee as Joseph stepped in.

"I've just wanted to ask the same."

"Well," she took a sip. "I have a lot of things to do so I start early, but you're not. So come on, what's the matter?"

"I'm just making a tea for Clarisse," he turned the kettle on. "You know she is not quite okay recently, but I think it's normal... I mean it would be a hard time for everyone."

"How you mean she's not okay?"

"She's crying..." he took out a pack of earl grey.

"Oh."

"You know something, right?" he stopped.

"Well, not much... but His Majesty must told her something."

"No, it's not about that. They haven't talked since... since she swooned last night."

"Yes they have," she put down her cup. "After we said good bye on the corridor, I went back to arrange a few things and I saw her coming out from his office."

"Oh, damn it..." he hissed and ran back to her...

OOOOOOO

"Clarisse! What did he want?"

"What..." she was a bit puzzled, trying to sit up properly.

"Your husband... I know you were at his office." he grabbed her arm. " What did he want from you?"

"Nothing," she murmured.

"Clarisse..."

"I was the one who went to his office... I wanted to talk to him."

"...But why?!" Joseph was more and more upset.

"Just..." she tried to pull herself together. "I had to know that he really let me go or it's just a joke... and it turned out it was not."

"... Uh-huh," he nodded, but still looked at her. "And?"

"And what?"

"I mean what else did he say?"

"... nothing." she whispered, but she wouldn't have believed it herself.

"Please tell me... what were you talking about?"

"Nothing... just about ordinary things."

"And that's why you're crying..."

"..."

"Clarisse please don't do this to me. Tell me what happened..." he tried, but she just shook her head. "We can solve it whatever it is."

"No, we can't." she whispered and started crying again. "I'm a monster..."

"I'm sure you're not," he tried to calm her down. "Jut tell me what happened..."

"No..."

"Right," he sighed, "Then if you won't tell me, I'll have to beat it out of him," he said and tried to stand up, when she pulled him back. It worked...

"No!" she sniffled. "Okay, just please don't do anything..." and this time she told him everything, even if a bit slowly from crying,"... but I didn't let him to kiss me. I love you Joseph, please believe me." she was sobbing hard as she finished her story.

"Clarisse..." he said softly.

"I don't want anything from him..."

"Hey..." he stroked her arm to make her look at him. "You did nothing wrong, okay?"

"What... you're not angry?"

"Of course, not." he smiled. "The most important thing you have to understand that I have no doubts about us, okay?"

"Really?"

"Of course."

"After all the things I've told you?"

"Yes. I perfectly know and feel that you love me. Actually I knew it even before you."

"But I hate myself..."

"Because you're confused, that's all." he smiled.

"..."

"I can see this whole thing from outside, so let me explain it... you've been fighting for the love and care of this man since you married him, am I right?"

"Uh-huh," she just nodded.

"You fell in love with him when he saved your father's business..." he said and stopped for a moment absently. "Wait, what if he was the one who caused the trouble, so he could save him?... Okay, okay! I'm just saying..." He quickly stopped, because she started to freak out. "But remaining at the facts, you fell in love with him and you loved him on hundred percent, but you got barely nothing in return, correct?"

"Uh-huh," she just nodded, feeling more and more uncomfortable hearing the truth.

"Since I work here all I can see," he continued, "That he has complete power over you... while you're constantly looking for an excuse for him."

"No, I..." she protested immediately,

"Just remember the first time when you mentioned the sanatorium... he convinced you that YOU are the problem, because YOU changed a lot recently."

"That's true," she looked down.

"And you continually think that you're not enough, you will never be good enough for him. You're depressed and underfed. He is working you to death, forces you to sleep with him... and now," he barely could control himself. "Now he says he just wanted to HELP? And he did everything FOR YOU?"

"..." she was terribly ashamed.

"It's insane Clarisse!... And when he sees that you start to regain your senses after a long and hard marriage, where you lived under his rules, his oppression... and you realize another man around you, he suddenly change from this cold attitude to the husband of the century?!"

"..."

"He does it because he knows that he has power over you!"

"I know," she murmured.

"But you don't have to be ashamed of it..." she looked up with teary eyes. "Because it's absolutely normal that after so many years of yearning you hang on every little beam of hope," he stroked her arm gently. "And you just try to justify that it was not all for nothing... the love you felt for him over these many years."

"I know you're right Joseph... in everything, really." she sniffled, looking up at him. "But then why... why the hell I feel so miserable?"

"Because he washed your brain out..." he sighed. "Look, I really do think that you have to be somewhere else a little... where he cannot influence you."

"I know."

"Clarisse..." he took her hand, "Do you trust me?"

"Of course."

"Then please don't think just pack whatever you want, while I'll call the doctor that you leave earlier, okay?"

"Yes," she nodded with a grateful smile. "And Joseph..."

"Don't say anything," he smiled and kissed her lovingly.

OOOOOOO

About an hour later Clarisse was already sitting in the doctor's car ready to go. As Joseph waved good bye to them, feeling a little relief... he turned back to Charlotte to ask a favor.

"It's a letter for the King..." he said with a serious look on his face, "Please give it to him, but two things are very important: he can only get it in the evening... and no one can know about this."

To be continued...