Fifty Shades

Chapter Sixteen

Bella slowly made her way out of her bedroom and found Angela sitting on the couch by herself, writing away in her journal. Angela used to write all the time, but she rarely did it anymore, just when something weighed heavy on her mind and she needed an outlet that wasn't unhealthy.

"Hey." Bella said, her voice soft and low like it used to be. When Angela looked up at her, Bella realized exactly what her heartbreak had done to her friendship with Angela. It had created a wedge between the two girls. Angela gazed up at her, shocked that she actually acknowledged her.

"Hey." Bella walked around and sat down next to her, crossing her legs once she was leaned back on the sofa.

"Sorry I've been so out of it lately. I've been really hard on you about everything and I'm sorry." Angela smirked before hugging her friend.

"You have nothing to apologize for, Miss Thang." Bella giggled. Angela was always so understanding and forgiving. It was one of the many things Bella loved about her. Most people would judge Bella from the outside and think she was a gold digger who was just upset because her rich boyfriend left her.

"Thanks."

"Do you want to talk about whatever happened?" Bella gulped before rubbing her face.

"Jake dumped me is what happened." Angela gasped, jaw dropped. Her mouth was open so wide Bella was surprised her chin didn't hit the floor.

"Wait what?" Bella frowned as she hugged her stomach. Jacob's incessant texts didn't help how bad she was hurting. She had contemplated blocking his number, but the truth was him texting gave her the fantasy that he still cared. "Why? Did you guys have a fight?" Bella shook her head.

"No. He didn't give me a reason. It was so sudden. One minute, everything was great. We were having fun at the beach with his sister and brother-in-law then he ran off to his house while I was surfing. I went to check on him and he was like 'sorry, doesn't work for me anymore'. Of course, he didn't say it like that, but that's the gist of it. Not to mention, since it happened, he's been blowing up my phone, asking to talk. I keep telling him no, but he's been very persistent." Angela placed her hand on Bella's shoulder in a way to support her.

"Why don't you want to talk to him?"

"Because he told me right after we started dating what happens at the end of all of his relationships. When it's done, it's done. All contact is over. No friendships, no relationship, no nothing." Angela's eyes widened at this statement.

"You mean he isn't friends with any of his ex's?" Bella shrugged a little.

"He is with one, but that's just because she was his first and she's his confidante of sorts." Bella tried to not think of Rosalie Hale at all, but she was a part of this conversation.

"Well, I can think of one thing he would be trying to talk to you about in that case." Bella tilted her head, waiting for Angela to continue. She really needed her best friend's wisdom. "Bella, he's never friends with his ex's, but has been texting you every day since your breakup? That makes it obvious that he regrets his decision to end your relationship and wants you back." Bella couldn't let herself entertain this fantasy. It would only lead to more heartache.

"That can't be it. He was very adamant that he didn't want me anymore. He had his fill and it was just over." She hated to think like this, but this was the reality she lived in. Jacob Black wasn't interested anymore.

"Hey, don't you remember my relationship with Tanner?" Tanner Ferguson was Angela's first love. It was the longest relationship she ever had and only ended because he moved away to Colorado.

"What about it?" Bella questioned and Angela smirked.

"The first time we broke up, I was devastated. He spouted off about how he didn't want me anymore and how he had much better prospects than me. I stayed at your house for a week and cried my eyes out. Don't you remember that?" She did remember. Bella had hated Tanner for doing this to her friend. It was wrong to say such cruel things to someone you were dating.

"Yeah. Your point?"

"My point is, when I finally went back home, Tanner was waiting for me and apologized for the things he said to me. He had been sitting on my porch for almost three days straight, only leaving to sleep.

"He came crawling back and told me he had said those things because he was so damn scared by the fact that he loved me and had never felt that way before.

"Sometimes, guys just get scared and do stupid shit, Bella, like leave the relationship. We will never understand the inner working of the male brain. Do you still love him?" Bella blushed and sighed.

"Of course, I do."

"Then, if I were you, I would hear him out. My advice would be to make him sweat a little bit. It will teach him a little lesson about taking you for granted." Angela's advice made Bella laugh. Bella did enjoy making Jacob sweat, but she reminded herself that he was the one who left her.

"Thanks for the advice, but I highly doubt he is wanting to get back together." Angela rolled her eyes.

"At least think about it. Oh, and start taking your birth control again." Angela commanded and Bella gasped. She didn't understand how Angela would know that she stopped taking her pills.

"How…"

"You leave your Yaz pack on the counter. You haven't taken it since Saturday. Start taking it because I don't want you having a baby anytime soon. You still have four years of school to go, Miss Thang." Angela teased, but Bella knew she was serious. Bella knew it wasn't a good idea to stop her birth control, but just looking at the pack reminded her of Jacob.

She started taking birth control when she was fourteen just to lighten her periods because she bled a ton and it was all kinds of painful without the birth control. It helped her to be able to function while on her rag, but then Jacob came into the picture and she was taking it for a completely different reason.

He made sure she knew he never wanted children and that was fine with her. She never expected their relationship to last forever and this was one place they headbutted. She wanted children. She loved kids. They brought her joy. As long as he had the idea in his head that the worst curse he could give someone was being their dad, she knew they wouldn't last. She knew no man was worth robbing herself of the future she wanted, children, grandchildren, etc.

But, they were broken up now. It wasn't an issue and her period had settled. She didn't see herself wanting to have sex with anyone other than Jacob and that was over so what was the point of birth control? There was none.

"Alright. Let's get ready for the barbecue." They both jumped up and started to get ready. Bella put on a short, black skirt and a white camisole with a built in bra. Along with this outfit, she put on her black flats and was ready to go.

Angela wore a similar outfit, a gray camisole and brown leather skirt.

"What happened to your car, by the way?" Angela asked as they left the apartment and Bella frowned.

"I had Embry take it back to Jake along with all the other stuff Jake had bought for me. If we weren't together, I didn't want any of it." Angela frowned at this. She suddenly had an idea of pure genius concerning the breakup between Bella and Jacob.

"Can you start the car for me? I need to call Embry and make sure he is still meeting us at the barbecue." Bella gasped as she said this.

"Embry is going? That's not a good idea. Rebecca is going to be there." Angela was instantly perplexed.

"Rebecca who?" Bella laughed before smiling.

"Rebecca Finau, Jake's sister. Ring any bells?" Angela shook her head and Bella's jaw instantly slacked. "Oh, my god. Embry hasn't told you?" She couldn't believe that Embry wouldn't tell Angela about what had gone on with him and Rebecca. They were in a relationship and this was something that Bella believed Angela had a right to know. What person doesn't tell their girlfriend that they were married before?

"Told me what?"

"Um, Embry was married to Rebecca right after high school." Angela's jaw slacked with bewilderment.

"Excuse me?" Bella nodded.

"Yeah. They divorced after a few years, but haven't spoken to each other since. I was sure he would have told you, but it was something neither of them like to talk about. That's at least what Jake said about it." Angela huffed as Bella said this.

"Why? Was it abusive or something?" Angela inquired, curious because of her romance with Embry.

"God, no! Embry? Abusive? You know him better than I do and I know that's the most ridiculous thing ever." Angela narrowed her eyes at Bella.

"This is my boyfriend we are talking about. Spill." Bella sighed and caved.

"Alright. If I tell you, you have to promise me something." Angela nodded for Bella to continue. "Promise me that you won't confront him about it. Let him bring it up to you because it's hard for him to talk about. He hasn't dealt with it yet." Angela saw this as a reasonable request.

"Alright. What is it? I promise I will let him bring it up. What is it that was so traumatizing about his marriage to Jake's sister?" Bella gulped before frowning.

"They had a baby together." Angela's jaw slacked as Bella continued. "Their daughter was sick and died before she was even a day old. They found out through an autopsy that their daughter was so bad off because Embry and Rebecca are related." Angela gasped.

"Wait, what? Related? How?" Bella gulped and fought back the urge to cry.

"Embry never knew who his father was growing up. His mother didn't want to tell him. Embry was conceived through an infidelity between Embry's mom and Jake's dad so that was where the issue lied." Angela gasped and covered her mouth in horror.

"Oh, my god." Bella nodded and sighed.

"From what Jake said, the both of them were highly disgusted with themselves when they found out and immediately divorced. They would both rather forget all about it so they have pretty much ignore each other's existence since they found out the truth." Angela was shocked to her core. Her wonderful, amazing boyfriend had fucked, married, and had a kid with his own sister.

"Oh, wow." She was stumped. She wasn't sure what to do with this information.

"Please, for Embry's sake, don't let him know that you know. Let him open up about it when he's ready. Please?" Angela nodded and got herself under control.

"Of course. It's not like it was that he knowingly shacked up with his sister. It was a mistake and everyone makes mistakes." Angela tried to see past how gross it was and look at it from an outsider's standpoint, but it was disgusting to her.

"Exactly." Angela handed Bella the car keys to start it up as Angela ran over to the front door and called her boyfriend.

"Hey, babe. What's up?" Angela heard the voice of Embry and she gulped.

"Hey. Do you happen to know if Jake is going to the barbecue today or just you?" She questioned quietly in case Bella was listening in. She doubted Bella could hear from how far away she was, but she didn't want to take the chance.

"Jake is going to be there. Why?"

"Because I am getting sick of these two pussyfooting around their problems. This shit needs to end today." Angela groaned. "Seriously, what kind of man dumps someone and gives them no reason at all for why he was leaving them?" She questioned with irritation.

"One who's scared shitless and can't come up with a good enough lie." She completely agreed with him, but she needed more of an in depth answer than that.

"What do you know?" She inquired instantly.

"He freaked himself out. He finally realized he's in love with her and didn't want to hurt her." Angela scoffed at this.

"Well, that's exactly what he did."

"That's what I told him." Embry groaned and Angela smiled to herself.

"Well, I'm proud of you, then." He laughed to himself and she loved the sound.

"Thanks, babe."

"Is that why he's been stalking her phone?"

"Probably. He's going to the barbecue just to see her and get a chance to talk to her. I told him he needed to fix his shit and that I won't be surprised if she kicks him in the balls for pulling this crap." Angela laughed aloud at this.

"Nah. She will probably just drag him off to have makeup sex." Angela joked with Embry before she got serious. "It will take a lot of begging and him showing that he's not just trying to mess with her head. Bella has very low self esteem and what he did just made it worse. I tried to convince her that he had been wanting to talk to get her back, but she refused to see it. She just is stuck thinking that he doesn't want her anymore. The sooner he can get that out of her head the better."

"Okay, I'll see you there." She smiled to herself.

"Embry?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you." He chuckled as she said this to him in the sweetest voice ever.

"I love you, too, babe." They said their goodbyes and Angela headed back to her car.

Bella slowly got out of the car at her father's house where she saw a bunch of people spread out in the front yard. She knew this party was spread out into the backyard and the living room. Most of the town usually attended and it was a good day for a barbecue. There wasn't a cloud in the sky, it wasn't raining, and it was unusually warm for Mid-April.

Bella caught sight of Charlie as he sprinted across the street to greet his daughter in an enthusiastic fashion. He gave her a big hug and it brought a smile to her face.

"Afternoon, dad." He released the hug with a big smile.

"Hey, Bells. I'm so glad you two could make it. I'm a little surprised you didn't come with Jacob, though." Charlie tilted his head curiously and Bella stiffened. She was nervous about breaking the news of her breakup to Charlie. He liked Jacob and thought he would be good for his daughter.

"Sorry, but he seemed pretty busy last I saw him." She shrugged and Charlie laughed.

"Well, he always seems to make time. He's assisting with the grill right now." Bella gasped as she looked to him dumbfounded.

"Jake's here?" Charlie nodded with narrowed eyes.

"Yeah. Is there a problem?" She quickly changed her demeanor and gave her father a fake smile.

"No. I just thought we would get here first is all." She gave a quick explanation to her shock and it sated Charlie.

"Oh, okay. Well, let's go relieve him. I know that grill can get pretty hot and it's already blistering out." Bella instantly started to panic. Angela saw the anxiety across Bella's face in an instant.

"Actually, Charlie, we will be right in. We were talking about something private before we got here. It won't take long." Bella looked to Angela curiously as Charlie shrugged.

"Alright, but don't take too long." Charlie jogged up his lawn and disappeared into the backyard.

"What's wrong?" Angela asked and Bella started to breathe heavily.

"I can't see him. I need to leave." Angela quickly tucked her keys in her pocket and scowled.

"No, you are staying. Do you know why?" Bella groaned as she twirled her hair nervously. "You are staying because, one, I'm not giving you my keys, and two, you are strong. Your families are friends. You can't avoid him forever." Bella saw Angela's logic, but she was still scared to see him.

"But…"

"No buts, Miss Swan. We are going to this barbecue and we will have some fun. Now, chin up and give me a big smile." So damn bossy. Bella took a deep breath and gave Angela a small smile. "Thatagirl!" Angela hooked her arm with Bella's and subtlety dragged her to the backyard.

The backyard had a large awning with a cement patio and chairs. The barbecue pit was next to the large pool. By the pool was a large grass area with a volleyball net set up.

Bella's eyes instantly went to the barbecue pit with Jacob flipping burgers with Charlie by his side, both men laughing up a storm. Her breath caught in her chest as she looked at him. He was just as breathtaking as ever. Hair disheveled, a mist of sweat coated his russet complexion. The hard muscles of his chest and arms were visible since he didn't have on a shirt. He only wore a pair of blue and white checkerboard swimming trunks.

He sported a large grin on his face and his eyes lit up as he laughed along with her father. Her stomach clenched at the sight of him and Angela smirked at her friend.

"That took a lot less time than I expected, honey." Charlie smiled at his daughter and Jacob's eyes finally landed on her. As soon as they made eye contact, her gaze averted to her father with a kind smile.

"Told you it wouldn't take too long, Charlie." Angela's cheery voice distracted Charlie from the way Jacob was staring at Bella. He had missed her and now here she was, right in front of him.

She looked so perfect in that simple yet sexy outfit of hers. It made her even more attractive to him. Angela could see instantly how Jacob was undressing Bella with his eyes and she giggled to herself.

"Bella!" They heard her name being called and their eyes snapped to see Leah running over to her stepsister. Bella welcomed Leah with a hug and laugh.

"Hey, Leah." Bella was glad for the distraction.

"I absolutely love your outfit. It seems someone had a positive influence on your wardrobe." Leah teased and Bella blushed. She hated to be gushed over.

"Thanks." Leah was wearing less than Bella. She sported a black bikini that complimented her copper skin tone. "Nice bathing suit." Bella giggled and Leah flashed a big smile.

"Thanks! My new boyfriend helped me pick it out." Bella was confused.

"You're dating someone now?" She figured someone would have told her that Leah was dating again. She had been dating some guy from La Push, but they had a pretty bad breakup right before Bella met Jacob so she didn't expect her to be dating so soon.

"Yeah, he's right here. Ben!" Leah called out to her new boy toy who maneuver through the crowd to them.

Bella and Angela both gasped as they saw one of Bella's ex-boyfriends make their way over to them.

Ben was the horror story of all of Bella's breakups. She wished she would never have to see him after high school graduation, but fate had dealt her the shitty hand of having to see two of her ex's at the same time when both were painful for different reasons.

"Bella, hey!" Ben gave her a big smile as he draped his arm over Leah's shoulder and gave Bella a devious grin that sent a shiver down her spine.

"Hey, Ben." Bella let out a shaky breath and the mood of the air was tense at best. The only one oblivious to it was Charlie. He was focused on the burgers.

"You look good, Bella." Ben undressed her with his eyes and the only ones who didn't notice that Bella cover her chest with her arms was Leah and Charlie. Jacob was confused by what he was witnessing and his possessiveness and protectiveness was kicking into overdrive.

Jacob handed the prongs to Charlie before he moved over to Bella, standing protectively by her side, like a bodyguard.

"Babe, this is Bella's boyfriend, Jacob." Leah introduced Ben and Jacob. Bella mentally facepalmed. Damnit, Lee! We are broken up! This is going to be so embarrassing! Bella expected Jacob to deny the status Leah had awarded him then she would never hear the end of letting Jake get away from Leah.

"Hey, man." Jacob greeted Ben in his normal polite tone before wrapping his arms around Bella's waist. Bella's eyes widened as she looked to Angela who winked at her with an edge to her eyes that said 'I told you so'. Bella didn't respond to this look. Instead, her eyes went to Ben who looked irked to say the least.

"Nice to meet you." The two men shook hands before Jacob's hand went back to Bella's abdomen. Her gut twitched under his touch and her hands moved over his unconsciously. It felt good to be touching him and it helped her entertain the fantasy that he might still want her.

"Oh, my man just got here! I need to go publicly molest him." Angela teased and Bella's feature contorted with disgust.

"God, Ang! That's just disgusting." Ben chortled.

"Same old Bella. Just as much of a prude, a tease, and forever a virgin." Bella could not believe that Ben had the nerve to say all of this about her in front of her father, her step sister, and for all he knew, her boyfriend.

"Wait, you guys haven't had sex yet?" Leah's jaw slacked and Jacob smirked proudly.

"Oh, we have. Many times in many different places." Bella couldn't believe that Jacob actually spoke this aloud. Who the hell are you and what have you done with Jacob Black? Bella thought to herself before glancing up at him. He gave her an affectionate smirk before Ben's jaw slacked.

"How long have you two been together?" Ben asked, annoying Bella.

"A little over three months, right, baby?" Bella didn't have the strength to speak so she just nodded. "Yeah, I thought so." Jacob kissed her cheek and she relaxed into his embrace. He felt her muscles lose their tension and he held her closer to him.

"Wow, that seems pretty quick for you, Bella, but maybe it was Forks High holding you back." Ben teased and Bella scowled at him. The nerve of him!

"Shove it up your ass, Cheney." Leah's and Ben's jaw dropped with shock at what Bella had just said. She was always so soft spoken, but not now. She wasn't going to take any lip from Ben Cheney, period. Not after what he did to her. "I need something to drink." She removed herself from Jacob's arms and went into the house through the backdoor. Jacob watched her trail with confusion.

"What was that, baby?" Leah questioned her boyfriend who shrugged.

"We went on a few dates sophomore year. She's sore is all." Jacob rolled his eyes and followed after Bella.

Bella rushed through the empty kitchen and made her way to the fridge and found the rum that Charlie always kept around for when he needed something harder than beer. She was so happy for Charlie keeping this bottle around. Her hands trembled as she grabbed a glass and struggled to fill the glass without spilling the rum.

Jacob walked through the door quietly to see Bella tossing the bottle back in the fridge. She instantly grabbed her glass and chugged the strong liquid down her throat.

She never drinks. What's the problem? Jacob questioned himself before slowly strolling over to her. She took a breath and sat down her glass right before Jacob softly touched her shoulder. She jumped a mile high and turned with an anxious breath.

"Calm down, Bella. It's just me." She groaned loudly before clenching her fists.

"Don't sneak up on me like that!" She snapped at him before grabbing her drink again. She brought it up to her lips to take another drink, but he quickly snatched it out of her hand.

"What are you doing? You never drink." He smelled the drink and it nearly knocked him off his feet how strong it was. "And you never drink stuff so strong." She rolled her eyes before huffing.

"Me drinking is none of your fucking business, alright? I'm no longer bound by the contract so I can drink myself into a stupor if I want." She tried to snatch back to her drink, but he held it just outside of her reach.

"Bella, come on." His voice was uncharastically soft and low, so inviting to her. She met his eyes and saw sorrow in his. "What's wrong?" She groaned.

"You stole my drink and you won't leave me alone. Give it back, Jake!" She demanded, but he shook his head.

"I know that's not it. Just tell me and I'll give it back." She huffed as she ran a frustrated hand through her naturally wavy hair.

"Promise?" He nodded and sat the drink on the counter before moving to her. He cupped her face in his hands and tilted it up to gaze into those beautiful eyes of hers.

"Just talk to me. What's wrong? What was that whole thing about between you and that guy?" She took a long, shaky breath as she averted her gaze to his neck, trying to avoid his eyes.

"Do you remember how I told you every guy I ever dated I had a sex-related breakup with?" He nodded and squatted a little to meet her gaze, giving her an encouraging smile.

"Yes?" He egged her on and she took a deep breath.

"I dated Ben for a few weeks in high school. He was nice and sweet until the one time we were completely alone." Jacob was focused on what she was telling him and noticed her bottom lip start to tremble as he stroked her cheek.

"It's okay. Just tell me." She nodded before gulping.

"One day, when Charlie and Sue were working and Seth and Leah were off doing their thing, Ben came over to hang out with me and was trying to pressure me into having sex with him and he didn't want to take 'no' for an answer." A sharp breath left Jake's lips as she said this.

"Bella, what did he do?" He knew she hadn't been raped or her hymen wouldn't have been intact when they first had sex.

"He tried to rape me." She looked into his cinnamon eyes and the sorrow in his eyes eased her fears. "He would have been successful if Charlie hadn't hidden a gun in the sofa. I pulled it on him and he left." Jacob nodded as he stroked her hair affectionately and pressed his forehead to hers.

"You shouldn't ever have to go through something like that." She gulped as she gazed into those amazing cinnamon eyes of his. For once, they showed a broken soul within them. He was always so strong, hiding what was really on the inside, but now he was letting her see within. He was giving her a glimpse into his spirit.

"Jake." She quietly whispered his name and he cupped her face in his hands, running his thumbs over her flushed cheeks. Her breathing was elevated and her heart was out of control. Here he was with her, listening to her demons, and he was looking at her the way he always had, with such affection that it was tear jerking.

"Bella." He softly spoke her name before slowly leaning down to her level, inclining her head back. Her eyes drifted closed just as his lips made contact with hers. Electricity shot through her and her gut coiled as she kissed him back. He released her face and cradled one hand on the back of her head and the other on her back. She whimpered into his succulent lips as his tongue collided with hers. So much heart wrenching passion coursed through him, successfully communicated to her.

He slowly walked her towards the kitchen table and lifted her to sit on the edge of it. Her legs involuntarily spread and he stepped between her heavenly thighs, stroking his hands up her smooth legs. Pressing her palms against the glazed table beneath her, she pressed her mouth harder against his and she felt his hand move over her bikini style panties, cupping her core in his rather large hand. She threw her head back as he did this and his mouth moved to her neck, sucking on that sensitive spot that always drove her crazy.

"Oh, god." She whimpered and he shushed her as he rubbed her clit through that damn barrier.

"You are so beautiful." He whispered huskily to her before releasing his prominent erection from the confinements of his trunks and pushed her panties off her pussy. He pushed her to lay down and she looked to him with lustful eyes, bewildered by this, until she saw his hard on.

"What are you doing?" She whispered and looked around, panicked.

"What do you think?" He teased her clit with his engorged mushroom top and she moaned quietly.

"We can't. Someone might walk in, Jake." She tried to get him to see reason, but he wasn't dissuaded. "And I stopped my-" She was about to tell him that she wasn't taking her birth control anymore, but he interrupted her by slamming into her. She arched off the table and all rational thinking left her brain. All she could think about was them and him being buried inside of her. "Oh, my god." She mewled as he thrusted repeatedly into her center continuously while slapping her well-rounded ass.

"Keep your voice down. We don't want to give someone a reason to come in here." She whimpered and nodded as he bent over her, passionately kissing her pouty lips. His bratwurst slammed into her over and over, bobbing her body with the power behind it. She bit her lip and he growled as he saw this. "You know what you biting that lip does to me." He quickly pulled out of her and she gasped loudly from the sudden loss of contact. Before she knew what was happening, he flipped her over and took her from behind. She moaned dramatically and clutched the table, scratching the wood.

"Shit, Jake." She mewled quietly and he groaned.

"I want you to cum, baby." She covered her mouth as she fought the urge to scream from how his hips swirled and his length pounded into her. "I want you to cum hard and I want you to do it right now." She screamed into her hand, muffling the sound. From how the music was blaring outside, no one would be able to hear the gurgling noise coming from her as she clenched around him. "That's it, baby. Did that feel good?" She nodded vigorously as she held her hands over her mouth. "That's my girl. Now, it's my turn." She needed to tell him that he couldn't, but she knew if she released her mouth, she would scream. She quickly shook her head as he continued in on her. "Shit." He cursed as he saw someone standing outside the door and heard the knob start to turn.

Quickly, he pulled out of her and pulled back up his trunks before pulling her off the table. He quickly sat in a chair and pulled her into his lap to hide his erection and the fact that her panties were all lopsided.

The door opened and she struggled to calm her breath as an array of teenage girls walked in, laughing their heads off.

"Hey, Bella!" She recognized the girl from next door in the crowd and gave her a shy wave. "Are you having fun?" Bella reflected over what had just happened and blushed like a tomato.

"Having a blast." The girl nodded and grabbed a twelve pack of cola from the pantry. All of the girls went outside except for a few stragglers. Once Bella felt Jacob's erection dissipate, she stood up and glanced at him, seeing an affectionate grin on his face, before she retreated to the backyard.

She took a deep breath of fresh air before trying to find Angela.

Bella couldn't believe what she just did. She just had sex with Jacob on her father's kitchen table in the middle of a damn barbecue. She started to quietly hyperventilate from this revelation. How could she be so stupid to let this happen?

"Angela!" Bella called for her friend and finally found her around the side of the house. When she finally tracked her down, Bella had tears running down her face.

"Oh, my god. What's wrong?" Angela hugged her and Bella quickly shook her head.

"I don't know what's wrong with me." Angela could see something had really upset her friend and she needed to figure out what. She quickly dragged Bella back to her car and they got in before talking.

"What happened?" Bella sobbed as she held her hair out of her face.

"I just had sex with Jake in the kitchen." Angela gasped. She was amazed that Bella would be that bold to fuck someone where anyone could walk in at any moment.

"What's the problem with that? Did you guys make up?" Bella shook her head as another sob racked through her body.

"No, we didn't 'make up'. The problem is that I have no fucking control over my own damn body where he is concerned. I can't get my feelings for him to go away and I want them to disappear so I don't have to feel like this." Angela couldn't believe this. Those two crazy-in-love people were alone together, had sex, and Bella still didn't want to love him.

"Why are you so bent out of shape about this? You love him and he loves you. What more is there to be upset about?" Bella wiped away her tears as her frustration filled her.

"He doesn't love me, okay?! He followed me into the damn house under the pretense of checking on me and bent me over the table after only being there for a couple minutes. I have no control over myself and it makes me feel cheap and like a whore. If it was anyone else in the fucking world, I would be able to tell them 'no' with no problems at all, but I can't say 'no' to him. Why can't I escape this?" Bella was at the point of uncontrollable sobbing and her chest was aching from the constricting of the muscles in her chest and throat.

"Woah, woah! Calm down. Take some deep breaths." Bella tried to do as she asked, but it was no use. She was in the middle of a full-on freakout and she didn't see anything calming it down. "Bella, you need to relax. You know what? Here…" Angela went into her glove box and pulled out her pill bottle of Xanax before handing one to Bella. "Take this." Angela handed her the water bottle she had and Bella quickly complied. The sobbing woman struggled with her breathing as she handed back the water bottle and Angela rubbed her back continuously. "Focus on your breathing. I can't believe that man didn't have the fucking balls to tell you." Angela mumbled and Bella tried to focus to calm herself down, but she had a hard time, thinking about that comment.

"Tell me about what?" Bella questioned after fifteen minutes of trying to relax. "You are talking about Jake?" Angela nodded.

"Dumbass had you alone and didn't have the balls to tell you that he loves you." Bella rolled her eyes before groaning to herself.

"Jake doesn't love me! You need to get that out of your head. We are never getting back together. He doesn't want me anymore. I just need to move on and come to grips with the fact that I was never anything to him but a pussy to fuck. I just made myself too available and an easy target." Angela groaned. Now, she had enough!

"Oh, quit it!" Angela snapped and Bella's eyes landed on her friend who was frustrated. "Stop trying to blame yourself for your breakup. Everyone can see how much that man loves you, but you are in such denial."

"What the fuck makes you so sure about that?" Bella growled with irritation.

"Because he told Embry!" Bella gasped and gazed at her friend, seeing the truth in her eyes.

"What?" Bella was in shock.

"Yeah. Embry ripped Jake a new ass about your breakup and pushed him until he finally opened up. Jacob told Embry that he's in love with you and some crap about not wanting to hurt you. Jake only came here today to try to win you back because he knows how badly he fucked up." Bella's heart clenched as she said this to her.

"Are you sure?" Angela smirked with a tilt of her head, a challenge in her eyes.

"Do you seriously think I would tell you this if I thought Embry would lie about this? Jake is so in love with you, Bella. Why can't you just accept that?" Angela was getting tired of Bella's denial and needed an honest answer.

"Because Jake's never been in love." She confessed and Angela gasped.

"What?"

"All of the girls he dated, he would dump them if they told him they loved him because he doesn't think he is worthy of love." Angela's expression soured as she rubbed Bella's back comfortingly. "He has had a life full of pain and guilt over the pain others suffer from. He has been to hell and back and he has people in his life that have tricked him into thinking their pain is his burden to carry." Angela sighed with disbelief.

"So, that's why you didn't want me to tell Embry or Jacob about you being in love with Jake?" Bella nodded as she wiped away her tears.

"Because if Jake knew about my feelings for him, he wouldn't want anything to do with me anymore. I've tried to get him to see that he is worthy of it, but he chalks it up to me being a hopeless romantic. He thinks I'm too 'kind hearted' to see who is unworthy of love. I haven't been able to change his mind." Angela was very understanding of this. She could tell he had some demons that he was dealing with, but she had no idea that they ran into Bella's relationship.

"A lot of people feel unworthy. Just give it some time. With some patience, that might change. Just give it another shot." Bella took a deep breath before wiping her eyes one last time.

"If he tells me himself, I will give it another shot, but other than that, I'm not going to make a fool out of myself. I love him and I want to be with him, but I won't put myself out there to be hurt again unless he shows me first that this is true." Bella stated calmly and honestly.