** TRIGGER WARNING **

=== Chapter contains scenes of bullying, involving verbal & physical abuse.

=== Antagonistic character briefly uses strong homophobic language.

=== Chapter is angst heavy.

AUTHOR'S NOTES :

** Modification date in the format (Year-Month-Day)

Modified (2020-01-12)

Chapter Nineteen – Dumped In The Deep End

Rod wakes up to remember yet another traumatizing incident. Before he reads a troubling email from Ricky & gets an unpleasant phone call from his boss. Is it the end of an era?

19 - DUMPED IN THE DEEP END

At 5am Rod let out a sluggish sleepy groan. He didn't want to wake up, he didn't want to go to work. But he knew there was no escape from the Wall Street treadmill, no matter how many times 'Nurse Nicky' ordered him to stay home. Still, he grumbled as the siren echoed through is skull, like a military horn compelling him to get up and charge at the day ahead. And he grimaced, as he was rudely catapulted back into the nightmare that was his life.

'Damn it! It can't be that time again already, can it?!' Rod moaned in frustration. Just moments earlier he had been having the most wonderful dream, starring Nicky dressed only in his swim trunks and a tub of whip cream. But that fantasy was quickly obliterated by the incessant buzzing, as the shrill tones from his phone plunged into his brain like a platoon of jackhammers drilling into solid granite.

'God, why did I set my alarm to go off so early?!' Rod tugged his pillow around his ears, before he reached out to silence the irritating bleeping. 'Oh yes, I remember! I was going to write an entry in my diary before I left for work, wasn't I?'

Rod yawned deeply, panic quickly returning to his face as he remembered all the chaos that had taken place the previous evening, and… He gulped, 'Last night!' He gasped. 'Oh shit! It happened! It actually happened! Nicky saw my scars! He knows the tragic truth now! He knows about my shameful past! Well, not everything. But still…' He bit his lip.

Rod opened up his phone case to shine a light over Nicky's bed, to see if his roommate was still asleep. Luckily, he was. 'God, I don't know how Nicky can sleep through that alarm!' He thought, as he rubbed his ears, which were still ringing from all the high pitched buzzing. 'He must be well and truly comatose! Like sleeping beauty, a sleeping Nicky can only be woken by a long passionate…' He slapped himself in the face. 'No Rod! Don't even go there!'

Rod carefully lowered his smartphone back onto its wireless charging pad, to ensure that its battery was fully replenished before he had to leave for work. 'Lucky thing! I wish Nicky could be my charging pad and replenish my battery!' He thought, but immediately regretted his jealousy! Because before he could stop his rogue imagination, it had whipped up an erotic fantasy of Nicky kissing every inch of his body. 'Gah! Stop it!' He slapped himself again.

After rubbing away the gunk from his eyes, and grabbing his glasses from the nightstand, he slowly stumbled forward in the darkness… Until THWACK! He banged his leg into his desk. "Agh! Shit! Fuck! Ugh!" He winced in pain.

Rod rubbed his shin and grumbled, as he collapsed back onto the edge of his matrass, to inspect the sore spot. He couldn't see anything in the blackness, but he was sure he would have yet another bruise. And he already had a huge bruise in the worst place possible! On his forehead!

"Why me?!" Rod murmured. But when he glanced again at his sleeping roommate, all the pain and frustration faded into insignificance. 'Just remember, everything you do is for Nicky.' He reminded himself. In the dimly lit room he could only make out the faint outline of his sweetheart. But it was enough to bring a new wave of warmth to his soul and return a smile to his face.

As usual, Nicky had not been disturbed by the alarm in the slightest! Let alone awoken by the muffled profanities muttered by his perpetually clumsy roommate, as he bumped around in the dark. Thus, still Nicky lay, slumped awkwardly across his bed, stomach first, flat-out on top of his duvet, legs spread wide.

Rod shook his head and muttered to himself, 'Oh Nicholas, how do you manage to sleep like that? It looks so uncomfortable. And yet, at the same time, delectably dreamy.' He swooned, and put his hand to his ear in an attempt to hear what Nicky was waffling on about in his sleep. Although, unfortunately, Nicky's face was half pressed against his pillow, so it was difficult for Rod to understand every word.

Nicky mumbled into the cushion, "Rod, my hoodie will protect your delicate rainbow heart! So don't throw it out, cuz it loves livin' here! Jeez, bouncin' like a kangaroo is so much fun! Especially on your bed buddy. I didn't know my sweater was on top of your closet though! Weird, huh? It was like it was hidin' from me or somethin'! Hoverin' just above my head, cursed by a dancin' blue witch dressed in a red feather boa! Sure you'd win in a dance-off against her though, no contest!"

Nicky hummed for a moment, before he continued to ramble, "Hey Rod, we gotta get you a golden duck! Without a duck, your life must suck! I promise I'll get you the best one. Only the best for my buddy Rod. But no mirror changelings, no evil robots, no blue and yellow care bears! Those bears are like gremlins! Don't trust them! Also, jeez, a cheesy Cheezit has no taste without its zing! So please bubbly beer bottle, help me kiss the cookie deep and sweet! Cuz we need to snuggle like sandy marshmallows on a snowy rainbow beach to properly combine our flavors. Master Chief wants a blue gingerbread man with tinsel cuffs for Christmas."

'Gosh, what on Earth are you talking about Nicholas? I swear, you're always babbling on about some silly nonsense, even in your dreams!' Rod rolled his eyes.

Nicky continued to murmur gibberish, as he snuggled against his pillow, "Dumpsters are dull without you. Jeez, I wanna be Rod! I really really wanna be! You have no idea how much I wanna be! But I'm not. God, it sucks to be me! But maybe… Um, yeah, maybe I can pretend to be buddy? Maybe for you I can learn to be! Just let me get close to the cookie and smooch away it's crumbles."

'Heavens Nicky, the absurdity of your imagination truly knows no bounds!' Not able to understand his roommate's barely audible gobbledygook, Rod gave up trying to interpret the random melodic whispers emanating from his sweetheart's bed. And instead, he focused on gathering up a carefully considered set of professional, yet stylish, and sufficiently comfortable, 'Wall Street appropriate' clothing items and accessories. Something he did each day, to ensure that he always had a perfectly coordinated business suit to wear after his early morning shower.

- FIVE MINUTES LATER -

Rod stumbled into the bathroom like a zombie. However, as soon as he saw the puddle next to the bathtub, his eyes sprung open. And he sensed a shot of adrenaline surge up his spine. 'God, that's the exact spot Nicky held me last night! The exact spot he removed my pajama shirt!' He felt butterflies flutter in his stomach, before he grabbed a cloth from the bathroom cleaning caddy and quickly soaked up the excess moisture.

Rod could barely believe Nicky had been so kind to him after such a shocking revelation. He had worried for years what Nicky might think about him if he ever found out about his scars. Indeed, a big part of him had been convinced that his friend would be angry at him for being so weak and letting such horrible things happen so many times. But he wasn't. Of course he wasn't.

A huge smile spread across Rod's face. He was so happy he had Nicky for a friend. So so happy. For most of his life, Rod had been terrified that one day he would be abandoned, that one day he would be alone in the world. For most of his life he had felt hopeless and desperately lonely. But he didn't feel so alone with Nicky by his side, he didn't feel so ashamed, he didn't feel so afraid.

Rod sensed a familiar feverish flutter of fuzzy feelings flittering about inside him. Only this time, the frenzied feelings were tempered by his recently reinforced perception that Nicky's friendship was unsinkable. Nicholas Taylor had always been such an awesome friend to him, such a supportive loyal friend.

True, Nicky was an undisciplined, unmotivated, unorganized, silly goofy muppet! But he was Rod's silly goofy muppet! Because Nicky's playful nature always put a song in Rod's doleful muted spirit, and kept a spring in his otherwise lifeless step. He swooned. Just one glance into Nicky's deep brown orbs of kindness was enough to soothe Rod's traumatized inner child. At times, Nicky was the antidote to his anguish, the remedy for his depression, and the cure for his anxiety, all rolled into one cute cuddly package. He sighed wistfully.

Rod shuffled towards the bathroom window and opened it for a moment. It was the middle of spring now, so the cool air was somewhat refreshing. As he gazed up at the stars in the sky, they looked like tiny diamonds embedded in a deep navy canvas. In a weird way, Rod was glad that he had woken up early, because he knew twilight would soon wash away the awe-inspiring sight before him. He had always loved looking at the stars, staring out across the vastness of the cosmos, finding patterns in the glittery sequins of light above. But this morning the little flickering specks, seemed to twinkle with an almost magical sparkle.

Rod took a deep breath of the fresh spring air, before he slowly closed the window again. Now that he knew Nicky wasn't going to abandon him because of his painful past, it was like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He just wished he had been braver and told his best friend everything a lot sooner. Well, maybe not quite everything, but still…

Rod gulped, as he remembered one of the many close calls he'd had over the years, a close call that was eerily similar to what had happened last night.

- FLASHBACK (NICKY ALMOST SEES ROD'S SCARS IN COLLEGE) -

"Hey Rod buddy, why don't you put that book down for a bit and come to the pool with me? I know you don't swim and all. But jeez, you could come along and watch me splash about, right? Like you did when we were kids each swim class in school?" Nicky frowned at the textbook that was competing for his best buddies attention, and yanked his inanimate opponent from Rod's feeble grasp.

"Nicky! What are you doing?! Give that back this instant! I told you I can't be dealing with your random nonsense today, I need to study!" Rod squealed, as he desperately tried to retrieve his Economics book from his irritating roommate.

"Nope! You're not getting it back until you agree to join me Rod! You need some fun times buddy!"

"Nicky no! Now give it back!" Rod shrieked, as he jumped up and attempted to pluck the book from his friend's disturbingly sticky looking hands.

Nicky rolled his eyes, as he relented, and slowly lowered the book back into his nerdy roommate's out stretched arms. "Okay, okay. You win. You always win. But please Rod, please buddy, I don't want to go to the pool all on my own-some!"

"Nicky there is no such thing as own-some, it's lonesome!"

"Whatever Rod. Jeez, why do you always have to be such a party pooper?! Why can't we just hang out and have fun once in a while? Like we did in the good ol' days?" Nicky sighed in exasperated defeat, as he lightly kicked his foot against the wall, and boredom took his joy hostage once more.

Rod rolled his eyes, "Fine. Fine! Let's go to the pool!" Contrary to his better judgement, Rod found himself surrendering to yet another one of Nicky's random impulsive whims. It seemed that his desire to gaze lustfully at his secret sweetheart's gorgeously God-like body, had risen up to claim victory over his puritanical sense of responsibility on this occasion! "I'll sit and watch, but I'm taking my textbook with me!"

"Oh, but Rod! I need all of your attention buddy! I need your eyes all over me!"

Rod blushed slightly, before he said firmly, "That's my final offer Nicky! Take it or leave it!"

"Okay, okay. Yay! Woohoo! Swim time here we come! Let's go!" Nicky quickly snatched up his swim trunks from his drawer and tossed them into a bag alongside his goggles.

"Don't forget to pack clean boxer shorts Nicky!"

"Yeah, yeah, Mom!" Nicky said sarcastically, as he grabbed hold of Rod's hand and pulled him towards the door.

"Wait!" Rod put on the brakes, "Just got to get my study bag packed." He carefully slid his not so pocket-sized 'Principles Of Advanced Investment Banking' textbook into his shoulder bag.

"Come on Rod!" Nicky whined, "Jeez, seriously?! Why can't you just take an afternoon off for once! I'm not asking for much buddy, just an afternoon is all. Is that really too much to ask?!"

Rod ignored the question as he slung the bag over his shoulder, "Okay, let's go Nicholas. Before I change my mind."

- LATER AT THE POOL -

While Nicky mucked around in the water and jiggled about like a goofy octopus with a purple noodle, Rod sat a few feet from the edge of the pool. For the past hour, the battle between his relentless Nicky cravings and his studious conscientious side had raged on, with no resolution. He held his textbook in front of his face, as he attempted to concentrate. But it was impossible! Because he felt compelled to sneak stealthy glimpses of Nicky in his swim trunks, whenever the opportunity arose… Which currently, was every few seconds!

Rod lowered the book for a moment, and lightly stroked the side of his neck with his fingertips. Nicky had tucked the foam noodle between his legs, and was riding on it as if it were an imaginary sea horse!

"Woohoo! Giddy up noodle! Rod! Look, you're missin' all the noodly awesomeness buddy!"

Rod squinted at the sight. Nicky had wrapped the foam tube around his waist and twisted the tip up to his mouth. Wait, was he? No, surely not! It looked like he was licking it!

"Ew, yuck! Rod, this pool water tastes super bitter buddy! Gross! I wish they'd add a strawberry flavor or somethin'! Cuz the taste of this makes me wanna hurl!" Nicky hollered out, after pulling a face in disgust.

Rod rolled his eyes, "Well of course pool water tastes bitter Nicky! You're not supposed to drink it! It's full of chlorine! For heaven's sake stop being so silly! You're going to make yourself sick if you keep doing stupid things like that! So stop being so ridiculous!"

"But Rod buddy, it's so much fun!" Nicky winked, before he pulled the noodle out from under him and quickly swum to the side.

'Oh. My. God.' Rod gulped hard, 'Sweet suffering Jesus Nicky! Why in the name of all that is holy do you always do this to me?!' He thought, as he bit down on his lip, but he couldn't hold the position for long!

Rod's mouth dropped open, and he was unable to avert his gaze, his eyes transfixed by the irresistibly divine sight before him! Angels played harps in his mind and cupids thrust a million love potion tipped darts into his heart.

'Gosh, surely my parents were wrong when they told me that my sinful thoughts would bring about a hellish punishment. Because when I'm lusting over Nicky, I feel like I'm in seventh heaven!' Rod swooned, as he watched his hunky heartthrob climb out of the pool. And he sensed his heartrate soar, as water droplets dripped down his friend's ridiculously sexy body in oh so many tempting and tantalizing ways!

It was almost as if time itself had been put into slow motion. Because Nicky's stunningly sumptuous, sublimely soft, glistening green skin, shined like an emerald sparkling in the sunlight for what seemed like an eternity to Rod's eyes.

Nicky beamed, and he swished his sopping wet mop of dark brown hair around in his somewhat flirtatious, cheeky playful manner. Chuckling, he continued to grin wildly, as he slowly walked over to his friend, who was still fully clothed and snuggled up on a deck chair under a towel. "Jeez Rod, you sure you don't wanna give swimmin' a try? I could teach you buddy, you know? And we could chill together in the shallow end. So you wouldn't have to worry about your glasses getting' wet or nothin', promise!"

Rod gulped hard again, as much as he wanted to splash around in the pool with his friend, he knew he couldn't, for a variety of reasons! But one reason in particular made certain that such a scenario was fated to be forever banished from existence. "Um, sorry Nicky. You know I can't swim."

Nicky's brow furrowed into a frown. And he decided to put on his 'Sherlock Holmes hat' once more, to see if he could finally solve the mystery behind Rod's lifelong aversion to swimming pools. "Jeez Rod, why'd you never learn to swim buddy?"

Rod could feel his heart begin to race, as he frantically searched for a good reason, "I told you why Nicky. Because I have asthma!"

"Yeah, but Rod, loads of kids had asthma at school and they all still learnt to swim buddy."

"Yes, yes, but… But my asthma was more intense, so…" Rod did his best to hide his clearly anxiety ridden face behind his open textbook.

Nicky shrugged, realizing that he wasn't going to get any better answer out of his very private roommate. "Jeez, okay Rod. Whatever you say buddy. I just gotta go take a whizz, you gonna be okay here?"

"Of course I'll be okay Nicky. I'm just sitting here, reading a book."

"Yeah, I know but…"

"Look, the lifeguard is right over there. I'm sure he'll keep an eye on me and make sure I don't accidentally drown in my towel or something." Rod muttered sarcastically, as he rolled his eyes.

"Okay, if you're sure buddy. Be back in a jiff!" Nicky headed off to the changing room to use the facilities.

Rod sighed happily, as he watched him leave. He felt like he was on cloud nine! And he reveled in the peace and quiet, putting his book down for a moment to close his eyes.

However, unfortunately, Rod's tranquility didn't last long, and he was startled back into the harshness of his reality by someone whispering offensive slurs directly into his ear, "Hey you, queer face! Yes, you! Wiener whistler! I owe you a cannon ball!"

Rod barely had time to wrap his head around what was happening, when his towel was roughly tugged from his lap. And he saw his pristine textbook flung onto the wet tiles beside him.

"Wha, what's going, going on?" Rod's eyes widened in horror, as he looked up to see his arch enemy, Donald Johnson, stood towering ominously over his now quivering body. And he all but screamed, as Nicky's vengeful ex-friend reached out to grab his fragile wrist and yanked him upwards. He wriggled, trying frantically to get free. But sadly Rod's limp slender frame was no match for Donny's burly quarterback physique. And the jock forcibly gathered him into his arms.

"There's no escape now you fuckin' fairy snowflake!" Donny spat with venomous rage, as he tightened his grip around Rod's squirming body.

"Wait, Donny please, what, what are you doing?!" Rod squealed in terror, as the muscly twenty one year old roughly carried him over to the pool. "Gettin' revenge! You took Nicky from me you fuckin' fag! And now you're gonna pay! Enjoy the water bitch! I hear it's lovely and cool in the deep end!"

Rod did his best to grip his arms around Donny's shoulders, but his hands slipped off the angry man's wet skin… And SPLASH! Before he knew it he found himself submerged under the chlorinated water. His eyes stung and his glasses were no longer where they should be, so he could barely see a thing!

"Help! Please help! Please! I can't… I can't swim!" Rod spluttered, thrashing his arms about wildly in the water. He felt like he was drowning. And the lifeguard was nowhere to be seen! "I, I, I can't…" He choked, fearing that a blurry image of Donny with an evil looking smirk on his face, maybe the last thing he ever got to see! Indeed, maybe it would have been, had Nicky not returned at that exact moment.

"Donny you complete and utter douche! What the fuck man?! What the hell is wrong with you?! You know Rod can't swim!" Nicky shot daggers at Donny, before he rushed forward and called out to reassure his friend, "Rod, don't worry buddy! I'm comin' to save you!" He quickly dived into the water, and swum over to the epicenter of the commotion as fast as possible, to help his spluttering friend to safety.

Rod could no longer keep his head above the water, and he took one last gasp of air before he descended beneath the choppy waves around him. He thought he was going to die! But suddenly, just as his vision was beginning to turn black, he felt a warm arm hug him around his waist. And his head was quickly pushed back upwards into the lifesaving oxygenated air above, by a green superhero dressed in Spider-man swimming trunks! He took a long deep breath, before he continued to splutter, wheeze and choke.

Nicky lay on his back and cradled Rod in his arms. Before he quickly pulled him to the side and turned around to face his shaking friend. Rod's eyes looked so red, and so tiny without his glasses on. "You okay Rod?" Nicky asked with deep concern.

However, Rod didn't answer because he was coughing and wheezing too much to manage even a brief 'okay'. Still, he immediately flung his shivering arms around Nicky's shoulders, and clung to him like a baby monkey clinging on to its mother!

Worried by the look of pure fear in Rod's eyes, Nicky hugged his wet friend close for a few seconds in the water. "Rod buddy, I'm so sorry I left you. I didn't realize that asshole was here! He must have been hiding from me! Jeez, what a fuckin' pussy! Look, just grab hold of the sidebar, okay? And I'll go get your glasses, then climb up to pull you out, yeah? It'll be okay buddy, promise!"

Rod was very reluctant to let go of Nicky, but he knew he had to get out of the pool as soon as possible. Because he needed his inhaler! And his shirt was already soaked, so he feared that if he passed out or something, Nicky might catch a glimpse of his shameful scars.

"Rod, please buddy. We need to get you out of this water!"

Rod slowly nodded, as he somewhat reluctantly loosened his grip around Nicky's shoulders, and instead clung to the metal bar beside him.

Once freed from Rod's grasp, Nicky immediately dived down to retrieve Rod's spectacles. With his goggles firmly in place it didn't take him long to find them. Then, as soon as he'd restored Rod's vision, Nicky quickly hauled himself up onto the side, so that he could help his traumatized wheezing friend out of the pool. Where the lifeguard was, he had no idea! But he wasn't going to let anything distract him from his most urgent of missions!

Still gasping for air, Rod continued to cling onto the metal rung in front of him for dear life! He was still in a state of shock, but relieved to have his glasses back and see a green hand reach down from above. Rod felt his body tingle with passion, as he transferred his trust from the sidebar back to Nicky, and his hero finally hoisted him out of the terrifying water. He wanted to thank Nicky for being his knight in shining armor yet again. But he could barely breathe, let alone talk! So instead he settled for worshiping his heroic roommate with quiet awe.

"Don't worry buddy! I'll get you to the med bay!" Nicky promised, as he gently lifted Rod into his arms. He carried his soaking wet friend towards where he at long last spotted the irresponsible, inattentive lifeguard in the distance. However, the guy still didn't seem to be aware of the potentially life threatening incident that had transpired under his watch. Because he was still staring like a zombie at his smartphone screen!

"Hey, my friend was dumped into the water while you were taking your fuckin' phone break! And he could've died because he can't fuckin' swim!" Nicky shouted angrily at the guy, and shot him a hard scowl. "Where's the med center?!"

The clearly inexperienced lifeguard looked utterly stunned by Nicky's confrontational tone, "Um, sorry dude, first day. Um, it's um, through there." He gestured to the door beside him.

Nicky still looked very unimpressed by the lifeguard's attitude, but quickly carried Rod into the room, where luckily a more competent-looking First Aid specialist was on duty.

Rod could feel himself losing consciousness again. But he was terrified that someone might discover his scars. So he forced himself to squeal out defensively, "Please don't take my shirt off! I um, I have a skin condition!" Before his head flopped backwards against Nicky's chest.

"Rod!" Nicky wailed in horror. However, luckily the First Aid Officer seemed to know exactly what to do, and she immediately wrapped Rod in a towel, and had Nicky place him down onto a sofa in the staff room.

The medic said seriously, "He has asthma, yes? He needs his inhaler!"

Nicky nodded, and immediately rushed back to retrieve it.

Rod slowly awoke from his momentary daze, to see the First Aid Officer gazing down upon him with a very concerned look in her eyes. He gulped. But he could hear Nicky on his way back. So he quickly pulled the towel tightly around his now shirtless body. And shook his head at the woman, in a silent plea for his privacy to be respected.

The First Aid Officer nodded back at him to signal her understanding, "Don't worry, we'll have you fixed up in no time!" She reassured him, as she pulled a spare long sleeve promotional t-shirt from the shelf behind her, and handed it to her shivering blue patient.

Nicky skidded back into the room, "Okay, got it!" He shouted triumphantly, as he held out Rod's inhaler.

"Nicky, thanks, but could you?" Rod wheezed, and stared intently at his friend, hoping he too would take the hint and turn around. And of course, he did.

"Jeez buddy. You had me really worried back there!" Nicky said, as he passed the inhaler to him and spun around.

Still wheezing, Rod gave himself a couple of much needed puffs, before he took a few deep breaths, and did his best to reassure his guilty friend, "Um, I'm sorry Nicky, I didn't mean to cause a scene…" He began, but Nicky quickly interrupted.

"No Rod! It's not your fault at all! Donny's a total douche! And I'm the one who should be sorry! Cuz I never should have brought you here buddy! It was selfish of me! I knew you didn't really want to come, but I dragged you along anyway! Jeez, I suck!"

"No! I wanted to come Nicky, I just, um… I had so much work to do and…" Rod trailed off, unsure of what else to say. However, once he was satisfied that the long sleeve shirt he had been given sufficiently concealed his scars, he gestured to the woman that it was okay for Nicky to turn round and face him again. The top was very baggy on him, but it still did the job he needed it to do.

"Rod, I'm so sorry buddy. You forgive me? Yeah?" Nicky's deep brown eyes looked a little sad, but, at the same time, happy to see that his best friend was okay.

"Don't be silly Nicky! It wasn't your fault! And you, you saved me! I should be thanking you! Not forgiving you!" Rod smiled gratefully at his friend.

"But Rod I…"

Rod rolled his eyes, "God Nicky! You really need to learn when to stop talking! It's not often I say this, but… But well… You were right! I did need some fun today, okay! Maybe not thatsort of fun, but still… I know your heart was in the right place." He couldn't help but giggle, as Nicky shot him one of his adorably goofy expressions.

"Well, jeez Rod! I could throw you in again if you enjoyed it that much!" Nicky teased, before quickly adding, "Sorry, just kiddin'. You know I'd never do that!" He dropped to his knees a moment, and took Rod's floppy blue hand in his own somewhat wrinkly green one, "Look, shall we get you home buddy? We can even watch one of those soppy musical romance movies you're always secretly swooning over if you want? Would you like that, my damsel in distress?" He chuckled.

Rod pulled his hand free, but couldn't help but giggle wildly after a quick bout of protesting, "Nicky! That's so… So inappropriate! But, um…" He couldn't seem to stop laughing for some reason, "Um yes. I, um… I think I would like that Nicky. Very, very much!" He smiled down at his cheeky hero, as he felt warm fuzzy feelings of romance bubble inside.

However, any romantic 'moment' between the two best friends was instantly obliterated, as Lola burst into the room. "Hey, what on Earth happened Nicky-kins?" She asked in alarm, "Someone told me Donny threw Rod in the pool? You okay Rod?"

Rod nodded somewhat somberly. And any trace of his smile vanished, as Nicky immediately let go of his hand, and stood up to face his girlfriend.

"Hey Lola! Don't worry, Rod's gonna be okay." Nicky twisted his neck slightly to wink at Rod. Before he began reenacting the entire incident via hand gestures, in an enthusiastic attempt to explain everything to his significant other.

Poor Rod's legs still felt very wobbly from the shock. So unfortunately, he didn't have any choice but to grin and bear the deep pain brewing inside, while Nicky flirted with Lola to a sickening degree. 'God, please don't kiss! Please don't kiss!' He chanted in his mind. However, sadly, the chant didn't work. And Rod's heart sank into a void, as the love of his life gave his girlfriend a long passionate kiss right in front of his face.

- END OF FLASHBACK -

Suddenly Rod felt compelled to write an entry in his diary. So he scampered over to his desk drawer to retrieve it, along with a pen. Before he returned to the bathroom, locked the door behind him, and flicked to a new page.

- ROD WRITES IN HIS DIARY -

I may be able to lie to Nicky about Ricky, but no matter how hard I try, I can't deny my true feelings. Because my love is so deep, so painful and so paralyzing. And what hurts the most, is that I know Nicky will never understand the torment of unrequited love I must endure every day.

Oh how I wish I could just tell him how I feel. But I dare not. For our friendship would be forever lost. Instead, I must keep up this ridiculous charade, and continue to hide my shameful love.

It's true, sometimes I wish I'd never met Nicky! Because ever since the day I met him my life has been turned upside down and inside out! All the stress in my life seems to revolve around him! He just messes with my mind so much!

For years Nicky has been so utterly dependent on me. But now that he finally has a job and money of his own, the day will soon come when he moves out. Then maybe I can move on with my life. But while he's still here, living with me, sleeping in the bed next to me, I can't think about anyone but him. And I'll never be able to have a proper relationship while he's still in my life.

- END OF DIARY ENTRY -

Rod sighed sadly and a single tear trickled down his cheek. He stared at himself in the mirror for a moment. And wondered what he was going to do to conceal the gigantic bruise on his forehead. It looked even worse than it had last night! He gulped, as he realized that he was just going to have to endure the inevitable taunting that came with such a facial mark.

Poor Rod could feel a snow storm of sadness building just above his head. However, he knew that he didn't have time for another sobbing fit, so he put his diary to the side, and forced himself to jump into the shower.

- FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER -

Rod sighed and opened his smartphone to check his messages, when a horrible sting of anxiety struck him full force in the chest. With all the chaos going on around him, he still hadn't read that email from Ricky. He scrolled through his inbox, but he couldn't seem to find it. Had he imagined it? Was its existence only a dream? He opened up the recycle bin, in case he had accidentally deleted it. And yes, he had! Because there it was, right at the top of the list.

'God, no! It's real!' Rod could feel his heart race. 'What on Earth could be in Ricky's email?!' He felt the panic sink deep into the pit of his stomach. 'Don't think, just click on it!' He spoke sternly to his anxious side, as he quickly shot out his finger to open up the message. However, still feeling very on edge, he instinctively screwed his eyes shut, as his brain tried to hide from reality.

'Enough!' Rod finally managed to pull himself together, and he slowly opened his eyes to read through Ricky's words. It was a very painful email to read. But he knew he needed to learn the truth. No matter how soul destroying Ricky's words might be, he had to know the truth.

- ROD READS RICKY'S EMAIL -

Hey Rod,

Look, I'll keep this brief. You and me, we're not going to work out. I think you already figured that. But thought it best to clarify things. See, when I answered the personal ad on Simili-Dude that Nicky posted… Well, let's just say it was a case a false advertising! Cuz you're not my type at all!

In fact, I'll give you some free advice, as you seem like a reasonable guy. Talking to Nicky made me feel terrible for him! Cuz he's stuck in a dead end life and I think a lot of that is your fault. I'm sure you never meant for things to turn out this way. And I'm sure Nicky would never blame you. But this codependent relationship between you and Nicky isn't healthy. And only you can set things right. You need to set Nicky free, once and for all.

You know I'm right. You know that he'll have a much happier life without you holding him back all the time. So just do it ok. I know it'll be hard, cuz you guys have been best buds forever. But in the end you'll both be better off. Trust me, I've been where Nicky is now, and it didn't do me any favors! My life only turned around for the better once I struck out on my own. And I'm sure the same will be true for Nicky.

Anyway, now we both know where we stand. Hope everything's cool. But I'd prefer if we not bring this up again. Probably best for everyone involved if we just zip it, yeah? And go our separate ways. You might see me around with Nicky, cuz I'm gonna try my best to help him get some independence. And I don't hate you or anything. Or want things to be awkward between us. But I'd prefer if you kept your distance, if you get me. And please think about what I said. Cuz I truly feel both you and Nicky will be better off apart.

Cheers,

Ricky

- END OF EMAIL -

Rod could feel the tears streaming down his face, and he put his quivering blue hand to his mouth to muffle his cries, as salty droplets splashed onto the screen. 'My God, have I really been holding Nicky back? All this time?! For all these years?!' Rod tried to swallow his ever rising despair, but it didn't seem to be working. He took both his musty old diary and his now wet phone into the kitchen.

Rod gasped at the mess that flickered into view the instant he turned on the lights. 'God! What on Earth has Nicky been doing in here?!' He thought. However, he didn't feel in any fit state to focus on that part of reality right now. So he ignored the pillow carcass that lay amongst a pile of feathers on the floor, and collapsed onto the couch to sob into the nearest cushion. 'Nicky I don't want you to suffer any more because of me! I know I've got to do what's right and let you go! But, but it's just so painful!'

Rod curled up into a ball on the sofa, as his negative emotions consumed him. How many more of these despairing sessions was he going to have to endure?! 'Nicky I love you so much! I love you more than anything else in this world! You're my best friend and my only family. But I know you need to be free! I know it, as much as it hurts… I know it!' He continued to sob until he was shocked back into reality by his smartphone vibrating against the upholstery.

Rod roughly wiped his tears away, and did his best to clear his throat of phlegm. The vibrating stopped, but started again moments later. It was his boss, so he couldn't ignore it. He gulped, before he reached out his wobbly blue arm to answer it.

"Roderick Periwinkle? Why the fuck didn't you pick up?! Where are you? Never mind! No matter where you are, I need you to get in early today! There has been another problem with the Margate Account and we need your expertise to get it back on track! So you can get in for seven this morning? Yes?" Rod's boss boomed angrily down the phone.

Poor Rod could feel his lips trembling. But he did his best to even out the shakiness in his voice as he answered, "Um, yes. Yes sir. I, I, um, I'll get ready and be on my way. See you, you, at, um, seven."

"Good. Look, you're not crying again are you?! Because I told you, any more of that nonsense and manager or not, you'll be out on your ear!"

"Um, no." Rod closed his eyes, as he did his best to calm his frazzled nerves. "No, don't, um, be ridiculous sir. Of course I'm, I'm not crying."

"Well good. See you at seven sharp! And don't be late! Because there are plenty of other people who would be more than happy to get promoted into your spot! You're easy to replace and no one would miss you if you got fired. Don't ever forget that!"

"Yes. Um, yes sir." Rod did his best to keep his manner as professional as possible, despite feeling nothing inside, but an empty hole in his heart, that he knew would never be filled. His boss shouted at the minions already in the office, making Rod flinch back and pull the phone abruptly from his ear. He had never felt more alone in all his life. But he knew he deserved it, as weird as that sounded, he knew he deserved to be alone.

- TEN MINUTES LATER -

Rod continued to sob until his eyes hurt from crying and the cushion below his face was nothing more than a soggy salty sponge. However, gradually he felt himself go numb inside. 'You know what you have to do.' His rational side reminded him.

Rod grabbed a pen, opened his diary to the first blank page and began scribbling down his thoughts.

- ROD WRITES IN HIS DIARY -

I feel so alone. No matter how hard I try, I just never seem to fit in anywhere. I never fit in at school. I never fit in at college. I don't fit in at work! And I sure as hell don't fit in with my family! The only place I've ever felt like I truly fit, was by Nicky's side. But now even that seems fake, like I've been living a lie my whole life! I know I need to send him off to live in Australia. I know I do, but I just can't do it!

- END OF DIARY ENTRY -

After a few more minutes of sobbing, Rod stumbled to his feet and carefully placed the diary back into its drawer. He was just about to lock it away again, when he was startled by Nicky's phone ringing from the kitchen side table, and he dashed back into the other room.

Normally Rod would never invade his roommate's privacy. But it was very unusual for Nicky to get a call so early in the morning. And Rod was worried that it might be an emergency call from Nicky's family in Australia. So he decided to check the caller ID, just to put his mind at ease.

However, as soon as Rod picked up the phone it stopped ringing. He opened up the case and almost passed out from shock at the number of unread message alerts on the screen. 'What on Earth?' Rod's eyes widened in horror, as he began reading some of the short texts left during the night.

- ROD READS NICKY'S TEXT ALERTS -

Hey babe, you gonna come round later and smooch me up? I need my Incredible Hulk to sex me better! Love you Xx

Hey sweetie, could you pick me up a lacy number for tomorrow. I wanna look my best for my green hunk! Can't wait for you to kiss me all over again! Love you so much babe! Xx

Hey babe, will your roommate be out at work again today? I need to come round and see you again for more hot sex! Call me as soon as you get this, yeah? Lots of love Xx

- END OF TEXT ALERTS -

The alerts didn't have any name attached to them. But the messages alone were enough to send another explosive blast of anguish crashing through Rod's already shattered heart. 'I guess maybe fantasies don't come true. But nightmares sure do!' He thought, as he plummeted into yet another deep dark pit of despair, perhaps the deepest darkest pit he had ever had the misfortune to tumble into!

If Rod had been unsure what he needed to do before, now there was no doubt left in his mind. It was the end of an era. The end of his deluded Rod and Nicky fantasies. And Rod was well and truly on his own.

AUTHOR'S NOTES :

** All comments & criticisms welcome. I'm a huge Rod & Nicky fan, so I just write about them for fun! =)

=== I know the plot moves super slowly. Probably too slowly! But as I'm focusing on character thoughts, internal monologues, memories, flashbacks & dream sequences. Unfortunately, I don't think I can change that! =/

** I've tried to ensure this fic is written in American English, with US slang & terminology etc to fit the theme.

=== Thus, hopefully it's never noticeable. But alas, I'm British. So sorry for any slip-ups!

** I apologize if the plot seems a bit disjointed & drawn out.

=== I confess I'm prone to going off on tangents in the form of flashbacks & dream sequences! It's just so much fun!

** Also I apologize for any poor grammar!

=== I confess, some of my grammatical errors have become part of 'my style' in a weird grammatically incorrect way! Because I can't bring myself to change certain grammar mistakes, even though I know they are technically wrong! And yes, I'm mainly referring to the dialogue tags! Because the correct way, just looks odd to me now for some weird reason! Still, I apologize if it bugs anyone! =/

** Thanks goes to NitrusOxide, FranBMan & Ted-Drakness, from deviantArt.

=== As it was reading their stories that initially inspired me to have a go at writing my own Rod/Nicky fic!