Chapter 17: Jashin's Mercy

Hidan raced towards Sakura with his scythe swinging. She froze, typical among young ninja when faced with a sudden, stifling blanket of killer intent. He tore open her throat, then turned to his next target: Me.

I blew some fire at him, then promptly died. That kind of pissed me off. I was planning to put up a much more impressive fight, but the missing nin had moved so quickly that my illusory self couldn't have believably dodged.

In reality, I stood on a rooftop three houses away while Hidan attacked a tree.

Sakura, meanwhile, had experience dealing with much stronger opponents, and her constant, silent murderousness had desensitized her to even crippling levels of killer intent. She had easily avoided his earlier attack.

When Hidan turned his attention towards our last member, Naruto was effortlessly captured. Of course, he had already cloned himself twenty times by then, so that wasn't particularly concerning.

Sakura looked towards Hidan, her face hidden beneath her mask. "You're using your Sharingan on him right now, right?"

"Hn."

Under her breath, Sakura started muttering about hunting. A few feet away, Hidan had wrapped Naruto up in the long chain connected to his scythe, the red points only a hair's breadth from the blond's chin and eye. Hidan stalked towards him. Sakura followed.

Hidan said, "Seriously, what are the fucking chances—"

Sakura raised her sword and bashed in his skull.

I leapt off the roof, dropping the genjutsu. Hidan wasn't dead yet, but he would be in a few seconds. We began untying Naruto.

"This reminds me of the bell test," I said.

Naruto narrowed his eyes at me. "You left me tied to that post for two days."

"You couldn't escape on your own?" I said. "It's a good thing I gave you my lunch, or you probably would have starved to death."

Naruto shook off the last of the chains while he moped. Suddenly, the chain I was still holding yanked back, slamming me against the ground.

Hidan stood behind us, with his crumpled face slowly stretching back into its normal shape. "You motherfuckers tricked me!"

It occurred to me that this guy was probably going to kill all of us.

Hidan confirmed my suspicions. "I'm gonna kill all you shits for that."

Right. I'd just destroyed my Sharingan's connection until Hidan made eye contact again, which didn't seem particularly likely until his eyes lost that wild, glazed look. Kakashi was miles away. Sakura's muscles were beginning to remember how unreasonably heavy her weapon of choice was. The latest Naruto clone had just been stabbed in the eye.

"I'm going to carve you to pieces until you've shed so much blood that even Jashin will ask me to chill the fuck out for a minute."

The latest Naruto walked out of the home where the two children still diligently practiced their blood runes. "Seriously, who is this Jashin guy?"

Hidan raked a hand through his hair. "You kids haven't heard of Jashin?"

We all looked at each other, and Sakura said, "He's a god of death, right?"

Hidan smacked the butt of his scythe against the ground. "Hell no that isn't right. Jashin is a god of life."

Sakura's hair was beginning to frizz from the intensity of her killer intent. "All the blood sacrifices—"

Hidan said, "Those sacrifices are for a higher fuckin' purpose. It's like when farmers set a field on fire so new plants can grow on top. You kill the whole village, then new people build on top of it."

I snorted. "Or they call it cursed and leave it to rot."

"Then it's more land for the animals," Hidan snapped. "The point is that it's the circle of life, and Jashinists are the ones who make it spin."

The second that Hidan stopped talking, it would occur to him that we were enemies and that he should be attacking us. We would not survive, dooming the mission and shaming all of our ancestors. There was only one honorable course of action.

I cleared my throat. "I would like to know more about your god."

A smile spread across Hidan's face, and he began rifling through his cloak's pockets. "I've got a pamphlet in here somewhere."

The pamphlet's shiny paper was sky blue with gold trim. There were also red dots along the top left corner, but that was probably blood spatter and not an intentional design choice.

"Hey, you,"—Hidan nodded towards Sakura—"Can you read?"

My teammate nodded and caught the pamphlet when he tossed it to her. "Er, let's see…Are you lonely? Confused? Looking for answers? Look no further, for you have found home. Jashin loves you. Jashin accepts your differences. Jashin thirsts for blood. Give yourself to Jashin, or his followers will give you to him. Die. Die. Die. Die…"

Sakura trailed off, looking to Hidan with a nervous edge to her smile. "Um, it just goes on like that for the next few pages. Should I keep reading?"

"Nah, it kinda loses the impact when you say it out loud," Hidan said. "Now, just one question before we waste my time. You worship any other gods? 'Cause Jashin doesn't share."

"No, no, o-of course not," Sakura said.

"Hn," I said, lying through my teeth.

"Does the Third Hokage count?" Naruto asked. I wanted to kill him, but I was pretty sure Hidan would get there first.

Hidan paused with his scythe in the air. Finally, he said, "Nah, your creepy little cult doesn't count."

Hidan spent the next fifteen minutes explaining the good news of Jashin's forgiveness with bloodthirsty enthusiasm. There were a lot of intricacies to Jashinism, far more than a casual observer would guess.

It occurred to me that Hidan was probably an extremist, and there were plenty of Jashinists who just wanted to live ordinary lives, like that elderly couple or those two children.

Distant birdsong brightened the miserable village as Hidan said, "Now I'm gonna show you how to make a proper sacrifice. Get out your kunai 'cause we're gonna need to grab at least five people for you and the kids in there."

At that moment, Kakashi came racing into view with a green-haired girl tucked underneath his arm. The girl shouted, "Yahoo!"

Hidan turned around to gape at them. "What the f—"

Kakashi used his other arm, which was glowing with electricity, to rip out his heart. "Heart-Stopper Kakashi did it again."

Hidan glared at Kakashi.

Our sensei's small strip of visible face turned red. "I swear this never happens to me."

Hidan grabbed his heart and shoved it back into his chest. "Fuu, why the fuck did you leave Kakuzu?"

"We're playing capture the flag"—Fuu leapt out of Kakashi's arms and twirled before landing on a rooftop—"and I'm the flag!"

"That sounds like fun," Naruto said.

A distant cloud of dust flew up in the distance as Hidan's partner raced after Kakashi. Hidan smirked. "Alright. New game."

"Ooh, ooh, is it tag?" Fuu cried.

"It better not be shogi. That game's booooring," Naruto said.

Fuu clapped her hands together. "Ooh. What about—"

Hidan growled, tossing his scythe at her. She ducked, then squealed in excitement as it circled back over her head and into Hidan's hand. I wasn't sure how that was physically possible, but a quick kai didn't reveal any genjutsu behind it.

The Jashinist said, "We're playing ninja. Got that? Me, you, and Kakuzu against the Leaf bastards."

As we dodged Hidan's scythe and Fuu's fireballs, I studied the jinchuriiki whom we had been ordered to capture. Fuu was about our age, with the speed and strength expected of a genin. Her village headband was tied around her arm.

Fuu jumped onto Naruto's shoulders mid-battle, dispelling him. "This is so much fun!"

In that moment, I understood what the Third Hokage meant when he had said that Fuu was "like" Naruto.

In retrospect, it was incredibly obvious.

Fuu, like Naruto, was obnoxious.

"We're all going to be best friends." Fuu threw a giant fireball at Sakura.

Sakura huddled against the side of a building and called back, "Sure, but we'll never be friends if you accidentally kill us. Friends don't usually kill friends."

"That's not what Yoro-kun said," Fuu sing-songed.

Sakura's smile twitched, as she desperately tried to hold in her killer intent. "You're not trying to be friends with Yoro, though. Right, Fuu?"

Fuu tapped a finger against her chin. "Hmmm."

A pack of Narutos circled around, trying to get behind Fuu for a sneak attack, and Hidan yelled, "Hey, enough talking!"

"He's right!" Sakura said. "We should be…hugging."

Sakura held out her arms, her fingers splayed and an obviously fake smile on her face. Fuu squealed and raced forward, and Sakura snapped her hands together to form a seal.

Unfortunately, Hidan wrapped Fuu in his scythe's chain and dragged her away. "And no fucking hugging!"

Suddenly, one of the Naruto clones stood very still. His hand curled into a fist. "Well, that's different."

The clone raced over to Sakura, hopped onto her shoulders, and grabbed her sword.

Sakura shouted, "Naruto, you idiot, what are you doing?"

"I'm not Naruto, moron."

"Wait a…"—Sakura reached up to smack the clone's leg—"Inner, what are you doing in there?"

"You're the one who missed! Works for me, though. I've been wanting to knock that creepy cultist on his ass for the past hour." The clone who was possessed by Sakura's split personality charged at Hidan, only to be swallowed by a sudden storm of dirt.

Sakura grabbed my arm, and we ducked into the home where the two young Jashinists were hiding behind their dead mother. When the storm calmed a few minutes later, we peered outside.

A new missing nin stood atop the freshly-fallen earth, four feet above the original road. A slashed forehead protector identified him as a former Waterfall ninja. His eyes were bright green and without pupils. His hair was covered by a grey cloth; a darker cloth hid his mouth and nose. He wore the same cloak as Hidan.

Fuu's head popped out of the dirt. "Hey, no fair, Kakuzu-sempai. We're supposed to be on the same team."

Kakuzu's face held no expression. "Sorry."

"Asshole," Hidan grumbled as he dug himself out. "I'm gonna kill you for that."

Kakuzu raised his hand in a seal. "Should I tear off your head again?"

Kakashi, buried up to his neck in the earth, interrupted. "This reminds me of a jutsu I saw many years ago. That was the day I lost my eye."

Kakuzu began to approach him.

"I like to think we're all better prepared now," Kakashi's voice came in duplicate as his head crumbled into dust and a second Kakashi slammed his electrified fist into Kakuzu's stomach. He pulled out a heart.

Kakashi's brow furrowed. "Huh. Somehow, Heart-Stopper Kaka…"

He then made eye contact with a very pissed-off, undoubtedly alive Kakuzu.

"Again?!"

The heart shot out tentacles and latched onto Kakashi's arms. He wheeled back as electricity shot up the tendrils. Then, our team leader collapsed.

"We won!" Fuu cried.

Kakuzu stared at Kakashi, a frown half-visible beneath his mask. "This one looks familiar. I think there may be a bounty on him."

Hidan laughed. "Trust me. Nobody with the nickname Heart-Stopper is in the bingo book."

Kakuzu watched Kakashi for another moment, then slowly turned his attention towards the doorway where Sakura and I were still taking cover. "Aren't you going to kill them?"

For the second time today, we were spared by Jashin's mercy. Hidan said, "I just spent thirty minutes telling them about the one true god."

"Praise Jashin!" Fuu said.

"Praise Jashin," Sakura and I echoed.

Kakuzu turned toward the road out of town. "Fine. Let's go. Wasted time is wasted money."

"They haven't even had their first sacrifice yet," Hidan yelled at him.

Kakuzu didn't even turn around to look at him. "We're behind schedule."

Hidan growled, charging after his partner with his scythe swinging. Fuu followed with a "Woohoo!"

I moved to check Kakashi's pulse while Sakura sprinted towards the location where Naruto's possessed clone had dispelled. She grabbed her sword and trailed it in the dirt as she paced up and down.

The two huddled children transformed into a pair of Narutos, who said, "So, should we go sacrifice somebody now or…"

"Sounds good to me," Sakura said with a wolfish grin. The grin quickly transformed into a joyful one as Sakura fiercely hugged herself. "Inner, you're back!"