"So why did you guys choose now to visit? Missing your families?" Astrid asked as they strolled down the snow coated paths of Berk.

"Well, yeah. But also because of Snoggletog" Hiccup answered.

"Right, right…" she looked around casually at all the decorations "Remind me what Snoggletog i again?"

All the riders turned to stare at her, almost as if in shock. Astrid didn't see what the big deal was. It was just a holiday, was it actually that important?

"You really don't know?" Snotlout asked incredulously.

"Not really" she shrugged, trying not to feel too embarrassed "We never did anything with the hunters. Viggo and Ryker always said it was only for people with families so…"

They all stared at her with a look she'd seen far too often in the past months. Slightly surprised, with a dash of pity. She appreciated that their sympathy came from a good place, but she still hated it all the same. She didn't need people to feel sorry for her. It's not like she was saying anything that sad, just stating facts from her childhood. She'd grown up in a very different way from them, everyone knew it. Astrid wished that they would let her just make the comments without reacting so strongly to it. It wasn't like it was their fault, they probably didn't even know that they were doing it.

"Okay, okay. Enough with the looks" she attempted to joke. Instantly their faces snapped back to normal and the teen felt some relief.

"So this is your first Snoggletog?" Camicazi questioned.

"Uh, yeah, I guess so"

"That's so cool!" She exclaimed, "We can show you all of the traditions!"

"Hang on a minute" Astrid paused "I thought you weren't from Berk, what about your family?"

"I'll go back home too" she explained "I'll go back to my tribe on Snoggletog Eve and stay for a couple of days, then I'll meet you guys back at the Edge"

"And Snoggletog eve is tomorrow right?"

"Yup" she answered "I spent so much of my childhood here for meetings and whatnot, it's practically my second home. Hence why I have my own guest hut here"

"That's sweet" Astrid smiled softly. A tiny part of her felt envious, Camicazi was lucky enough to feel like she had two homes, and she had never even had one. Choosing not to dwell on it too much, she spoke again "I love all of this snow! I haven't seen any in years"

"Really? Why?" Tuffnut asked curiously before gasping, which Astrid already knew was a bad sign "Wait, did you grow up on some sort of desert! Is there a secret desert somewhere in the Archipelago that we don't know about?! Is it hidden underneath the land you guys actually call your base!"

"What? No! Nothing like that, I was just on fleets and they obviously never had snow at sea" she laughed but something about his wording didn't sit right with her "Wait, you guys? Your base?"

Tuffnut seemingly caught onto his error and looked at her, guilt filling in his eyes "Oh shoot, Astrid I didn't mean it like that, it slipped I promise"

Everyone chorused similar sentiments and Astrid had to stop them before she snapped and said something that she'd regret.

"No, no, it's okay" she reassured, knowing that she was lying "I know you didn't mean it. I shouldn't have said anything"

Apparently her smile wasn't as believable as she thought it was because the looks kept coming back. She needed a distraction. Now. "You know, you guys should probably go and say hi to your families. They're probably waiting for you"

"Um, yeah that's a good point. My dad will probably be finished with his meeting by now" Hiccup said, eyes shining with concern. However, this was quickly replaced with joy as he looked at her again "I have an idea, why don't we meet back here later and I can give you a proper tour of Berk?"

"Oh uh…" she hesitated slightly "I don't know, I've already taken up enough of your time and I don't-"

"My dad won't mind, I promise" He said confidently before softening "Come on, please? It'll be fun"

Astrid felt something inside her deflating, the young auburn was impossible to say no to "Sure. Why not?"

"Okay great! Maybe after we've had dinner I can show you around" The combination of joy, shyness and nervousness in his voice was endearing to Astrid. Frustratingly so.

"Sounds good"

Camicazi watched their encounter and couldn't help but wonder if she had had something to do with Astrid's reservations. Even when Astrid told her that she didn't know if she had feelings for Hiccup or not, she sensed that something was off. She didn't necessarily think Astrid was lying to her, maybe more to herself. There were definitely feelings there, whether she realized it or not. Even when her unexpected friend was holding back, she could still the sparkle in her eye and the miniscule rose traces covering her cheeks. She wanted to feel remorseful, but found herself unable to. It wasn't as though she didn't feel bad whatsoever, but a larger part of her was just happy. She wanted Hiccup to look at her and, if Astrid continued like this, maybe he would.

It had been six years. Cami had been there for Hiccup through everything. Even when nobody else was there. Before, Astrid and Heather and the twins and Snotlout there had been her. Well, her and Fishlegs, but mostly her. She hadn't just supported Hiccup with the sole purpose of getting him to fall in love with her, their friendship spanned longer than that, but she'd be lying if she said if it hadn't been in the back of her mind the past few years. Maybe in some ways she expected his love. It made sense. They got along so well, they knew each other better than anyone else. On paper they seemed perfect for each other. It even worked politically, since they both came from different tribes. Their parents, or at least her parents, supported the idea fully. Hiccup was just oblivious to that as well. Camicazi had done the work, she deserved for it to pay off. And it's not like she would ever force Hiccup into falling for her, but some small part of her thought it was inevitable.

Her thoughts had clearly absorbed her into whole other world, because it was her crush's voice that made the ground reappear below her feet again "I should find my dad, he's probably excited to see me"

"I'll come with!" she chirped without thinking "I haven't seen him in ages!"

He nodded with a smile and the two walked off. Soon after, all the riders had gone to greet their families, leaving just Heather and Astrid. Heather grabbed her friend's arm eagerly and dragged her in the direction of a forest "We have so much to talk about"

Xxxx

"Okay so I get that you were upset, but I don't see how you lied to him" Heather said with confusion laced into her voice.

"Well… It was more of a half-lie, I guess?" She replied, trying to find the right wording.

"Right, but was the lie? Or half-lie or whatever"

Before they had left for Berk, Astrid had begun telling Heather about what had happened the previous week. She hadn't had much choice in the matter. Overall, Astrid was pretty good at acting like she was okay when she wasn't. It was something she'd practiced her entire life afterall. But her friend had still sensed that something was troubling her. So she told her everything that happened that day when they were exploring, leaving out one crucial detail. She didn't tell her that Dagur was the one she saw. Astrid already knew of their troubled relationship and she didn't want to make matters worse. Even though he had let her go because he knew Heather was with her, Astrid knew that she would ignore that only focus on the negative. Hiccup had interrupted them on the Edge and now Heather was racking her brain, trying to figure out what Astrid was lying about.

She gnawed at her lip anxiously "When I said I was staying"

Heather froze mid-swing and stared at the blonde surprised "But Camicazi likes you!" she burst out desperately

"I know, I know. It's not about Camicazi. It's not about any of the riders" She looked intently at the tree she had just demolished with her axe "It's me"

"What? Astrid-"

"Something about being here feels wrong" she confessed "Not as wrong as before, but it still feels unsettling. Like I'm not really a dragon rider"

"Does this have anything to do with what Tuffnut just said? I swear-"

No, that had nothing to do with it" she said truthfully "Honestly, I've been feeling this way for a while"

"That hunter's words just reinforced it" The raven haired rider finished for her, sensing her thoughts.

"Yeah" she replied with a nod "I don't believe all that stuff about dragon blood anymore but I still feel like being here with you guys isn't a good idea"

"What do you mean?" Heather asked perplexed

"It's just… That hunter said Viggo doesn't just want me to come back, he expects it. And I know him, if his expectation doesn't happen, he'll make it. And he will do anything, go anywhere, and hurt anyone to do so. Trust me, I know exactly what he's like and how far he'll go. I held face in front of that hunter but… I'm scared Heather" she admitted, rare vulnerabilities showing "I don't want anyone to get hurt because of me"

"That won't happen. We can handle Viggo, we can protect you and Starlight-"

"You think that now" Astrid said, trying not to sound too harsh "You don't know him the way I do. You've been dealing with him for ten months, a year maybe. I've dealt with him for eighteen years. And vice versa. He knows my weaknesses and my fears. He's a master manipulator. If his mind is set on me coming back then he might have the power to make it happen. And if that's a battle that needs to be had, I'd rather it be between him and me. Not him and all of you guys"

Heather raised an eyebrow, sensing that there was more to her reasoning, but choosing not to push it "You sound pretty sure of your decision, how was it a half-lie?"

"Because I don't want to leave" the spirited teen admitted as she petted her dragon "Starlight doesn't want to leave. She loves it here and so do I. I'm actually learning what real happiness is for the first time in my life and I don't want it to end yet"

"It doesn't have to" she spoke gently

"But maybe it does" Astrid countered, pain in her tone "What if I'm not meant to have happiness in my life? What if that's simply not in the cards for me? I'm not saying that that hunter was right about my past or anything, but I don't know if I can ever really be happy when I have this Viggo and Ryker shadow over my head all the time"

"But-"

"And if that is true, why force it? Why make it happen when it's not meant to last?"

Heather sighed. Astrid was in her head too much. She'd seen this happen before. All those times when they were in the hunters together and Astrid had contemplated leaving and then finalized it by always saying it wasn't the right time. Everytime Astrid gave her head too much power, she normally came to the wrong conclusion. And no matter how much Heather would argue and try to change her mind, Astrid always stayed firm in her decisions.

"How long have you really been feeling this way?"

"A lot when I first arrived. It went away for a little bit actually. But a while ago I guess it just snuck its way back in. Stronger. Harder to ignore. I don't know when, there was no specific moment. One day I felt it and after that the thoughts kept growing"

"I don't know why you didn't say anything, we would have helped you"

"That's the thing, I don't think I wanted to be helped" Astrid said quickly "These feelings felt.. Necessary? I can't quite find the wording for it. I didn't want the thoughts to go away"

Heather's blood boiled. It was Viggo and Ryker's fault. She knew how Astrid had grown up. With bad thoughts conditioned into her mind. They were her drive, her motivation. They had never let her keep a positive mindset. It wasn't fair. Astrid had never gotten to be a normal girl. Her entire life she had been torn down and compared to everyone around her. The insults were normalized to the point where she was inflicting it on herself. She deserved so much better than the life she had gotten and Heather couldn't figure out how the Gods had gotten it so wrong.

"I wanted them in my head, because I wanted to prove myself wrong" she concluded. Just as her friend thought she would "Telling myself wasn't enough, I needed to actually do something to show that I should be here. And I thought that the more I try to prove it, the longer I can stay"

Astrid was realizing her own confession as she said it. Before that moment, she hadn't thought about her behaviour. But now, as she said it to Heather, the revelation became clearer with each word. The thoughts, the feelings, she'd just been brushing them aside without thinking any deeper. But all of it was true. She wanted to prove herself to herself. The realization should have lifted a weight off her shoulders but instead that weight shifted to drag her heart down even further.

"Okay, Astrid, I'm going to stop you because I think you need to hear this. It is possible. I wish you didn't feel the need to prove yourself, but since I can't stop you from feeling that way, I'll do the next best thing. You can do this, okay? I know you. You set your mind to something and you do it. For as long as I've known you, that's how you've always been. I heard stories. You've been that way your entire life. And, because I know you, I know that it'll take a long time until you're truly satisfied with yourself. But that day will come, and it'll be so worth it when it does"

The fierce dragon rider simply smiled, but there was something in her eyes that suggested that she didn't believe her "Thank you. Against all odds, I actually believe it's possible too"

That lifted Heather's spirit copiously. All hope was not lost. Astrid was in her head too much, but not completely. This presented Heather with an opportunity to convince her to stay, and she'd be damned if she didn't take it. Still, she had to be careful. This mission Astrid had set for herself, it had to be completed by her and only her. She didn't know how long her friend would work at her goal, but she could already see the determination in her eyes. Still, deep inside Heather there was sadness. She wished Astrid and her could have met in another way. In another world. In a world where Astrid hadn't been a hunter. It had caused all of these feelings that she didn't need to have. Every now and then, she wondered if Astrid would ever fully get over the trauma she'd carried with her from the hunters. Of course her fellow rider would never tell the full story of her past, nobody really expected her to, but maybe she would finally be able to put everything behind her.

"I know the way I've been speaking probably makes it sound like I'm definitely leaving. I'm not" she reassured "I'm leaning towards that option, but I haven't made up my mind, I promise. And I wasn't lying. I do believe that I might be able to prove myself, but every day that feels a little further from the truth"

"If that's really how you feel, how come you never leave?" she wasn't asking to be cruel, she was genuinely curious.

"I'm not sure" she flashed a sad smile, matching the hollowness in the her eyes "I guess I enjoy living in denial"

Xxxx

Evening fell upon Berk and the riders found themselves on the way to the arena, at least, she thought that's what they'd called it. She was walking alongside Camicazi, Ruffnut and Heather, idly chatting about the day's events. Berk was quite nice. It was very different from any land she'd ever been on before, which wasn't hard. When the sun shone, she felt the happiness resonating through Berk's residents. Normally, no matter the weather of where she went, everybody had frowns and grimaces plastered on their faces. It had never mattered to her when she saw it, it had been routine to see those types of faces. She'd known Solveig to be quite cheery, and the riders also had that quality, but she thought of them as the exception rather than the rule. Apparently not. Gods, she sounded so ridiculous, even to herself. But she couldn't help it. Her way of thinking was different to everyone else's, it was out of her control.

The entire time she had been talking with the other girls, she felt eyes on her back. Not just any pair of eyes, Hiccup's. And she knew exactly why. She knew and she didn't particularly care. Astrid wasn't even mad, she was too tired and cold to feel that. She'd spent a lot of the day walking around. And she was supposed to spend a lot of the night walking around too. There had only been one problem with that.

Hiccup never showed up.

She'd waited, and waited, and waited. It was Hiccup, he would never hurt anyone, let alone her. At least, not intentionally. The crisp air nipped at her skin as she'd ignored the looks being thrown her way. It was unclear to her whether or not they knew of her past, but they didn't know who she was, which made her a talking point. They weren't all bad looks. Some were just plain curiosity. She was new to them, intriguing possibly. In a way, Hiccup not showing up almost made things better for her. If everyone had seen her walking and talking so closely with the Chief's son, the whispering would have only intensified.

It wouldn't have been as cold for her if she'd had her cloak but she was trying to be careful. Nobody on Berk knew about light furies and if they did the incessant questioning would be unbearable. Plus, all the humans crowding her would spook Starlight. She was only just getting used to the dragon riders. That's why Starlight had instinctively gone into reflective mode once landing on Berk. Even if the accessory kept her warm, it was still too obvious. Light fury scales weren't exactly common.

Camicazi had run up to her, panic evident on her face and frantically told her that she wasn't at fault for the night. Stoick had made her and Hiccup eat in his hut like old times and then they apparently got lost in conversation. She had mentioned numerous times that it wasn't just her being jealous and trying to prevent Hiccup from spending time with her, a point that was almost amusing. Astrid wanted to be angry, but couldn't force the feeling. Maybe the cold had irritated her a little bit, but it sounded like an honest mistake. She saw no point in holding a grudge about it. He was the chief's son after all. They probably had a lot to catch up on anyways.

Speaking of the Chief's son, he was currently grabbing onto her elbow lightly "Can we talk for a second?"

She pressed her lips into a thin line and nodded.

As the others walked forward he looked at her with the same amount of guilt Camicazi had shown earlier "I'm so sorry about today. I knew I was meant to give you the tour but I got so caught up and-"

"Don't worry about it" She dismissed, holding her hand up to stop him. Somehow, hearing him say that he knew he was meant to come but didn't was worse. It made her feel bitter when she really didn't want to "I didn't really want to go on the tour that much anyway"

"Wait, what?" he asked, and his wounded voice made her regret her wording "Why didn't you say that? I wouldn't have forced to go or anything"

"I didn't mean it like that" She told him apologetically "What I meant was that I didn't want to go on that tour tonight. I'm so tired and I think Starlight wants to come out of mirror mode soon" She gestured beside her, even though she knew her companion was invisible. A mewl came softly and both humans knew it was an agreement.

"Oh… Right" Hiccup said somewhat awkwardly "Well, what about tomorrow?"

"What?" Astrid questioned, confused "Isn't tomorrow Snoggletog Eve? Don't you want to spend it with your family?"

"The riders are part of my family" He answered automatically "I'll spend some of the day with them too"

It was kind of heartwarming to Astrid how Hiccup found it so natural to refer to the riders as his family. And what's more, she knew that if she asked any of the others they would say the same thing. Oh how she wished she could have grown up on Berk and been apart of it.

"What kind of stuff do you all do around Snoggletog? I remember Camicazi mentioning something about traditions, but I don't think anyone actually said what they were"

"I suppose you'll have seen some already. The snoggletog trees, the decorations. There used to be a pageant but we haven't done that in years. Technically, Snoggletog is meant to be about celebrating the Gods. I don't see it that way personally. I think it's more about being with the people you love, showing others that you care. That's why everyone does stuff like gather in the Great Hall and exchange gifts-"

"Exchange gifts?" Astrid asked, tone gaining a nervous edge "I didn't know you guys did that, I'm so sorry I don't-"

"Hey" he interrupted calmly, placing his hands on her shoulders "It's fine it's your first proper Snoggletog, nobody expected you to bring any gifts"

She nodded, guilt still gnawing at her internally. She should have thought of that. Still, even if she had it wouldn't have changed the fact she couldn't afford to buy presents anyway.

"Anyways,I know you're tired now, so let's go in the morning when you're well rested. We can go early, before everyone else has woken up, that way Starlight doesn't have to go into mirror mode"

She thought it over, and couldn't find a reason to say no "Okay yeah, let's do it"

"Great! Should I wake you two up?"

"No need. I'm a morning person and she's a morning dragon. We'll be the ones waking you two up" She smirked as they entered the arena, Starlight finally making herself visible. This excited Toothless who rushed over to her, making all the humans laugh.

"Oh really?" Hiccup smirked back at her "If I recall correctly, there have been numerous times when I've been in the clubhouse before you"

"Who said I was sleeping?" She shot back

The grin washed off of his face as he tried to formulate his argument, on the other hand, Astrid's grin only widened "Ha!"

"What else were you doing then?"

"Flying, training, you name it" she answered casually "Just not sleeping"

He sighed, and she could hear the smile behind it "You win everything, don't you?"

"You know it," she beamed.

He shook his head fondly before turning to the others "Alright gang, tomorrow's gonna be a busy day for us. We may not be fighting hunters but we still have tradition obsessed families to handle" He paused as the group chuckled "So I guess all we really need to do now is get a good night's sleep"

The riders dispersed after that, bidding goodnight to their dragons. Hiccup watched as Astrid took her cape and laid it on the ground. He walked over to them with slight concern "Hey, where are you guys staying tonight?"

"I figured Starlight and I would just bed down here" she looked at him with a small smile

He let out a loud, sudden laugh "What a coincidence. I'm sleeping here too"

"Why?" she squinted her eyes, both suspicious and bewildered "You have a warm bed and a house"

"Yeah, but the way my dad snores, sawing logs, Toothless and I wouldn't get a wink"

"Yeah, Meatlug and I were gonna stay here too, just for old times' sake" Fishlegs piped up.

"Uh-uh-uh nobody is having a sleepover... without Hookfang and me" Snotlout joined in, acting as if the news was meant to overjoy the others. Still, he seemed genuinely enthusiastic towards the idea.

"Well I'm definitely in! It's so cold out there, I'd rather not walk through that again to get to my hut" Camicazi agreed

"I guess it's a no brainer that I'm in" Heather said, joining Astrid's side.

She looked around a little uneasily "Guys, I appreciate it but you really don't have to-"

"We want to" Fishlegs cut her off kindly "It'll be fun"

Astrid's eyes automatically went to Hiccup's reassuring smile and she felt herself relax a little "If you're all sure"

Everyone nodded and Tuffnut spoke up energetically "Ooooh it's an-"

"Epic sleepover!" Ruffnut cheered.

"RUFFNUT!" He yelled exasperatedly "That's my line! You always take my line!"

Astrid giggled and laid down on her cloak next to Starlight. Hiccup crouched down next to her, smiling smugly "Guess it'll be easier to wake you up now"

She mirrored his facial expression "You wish"

"How about this, if I wake you up, you have to build the guest hut when we get back to the Edge. If you wake me up, I'll do it"

Her eyes flashed "You're on"

They shook hands on it and then Hiccup went to sleep with Toothless. Astrid slept peacefully for a while but a thought crept into her head that woke her up again. She wanted to give everyone gifts, and she desperately wished that she had enough runes to do so. There had to be something she could do, something she could make…

Wait…

That was it!

She shot up, waking her dragon alongside her. Astrid grinned from ear to ear and whispered "Starlight, we have work to do!"

Probably should have clarified this last chapter, when I said that this story was coming to an end, I meant that I'm in the final 10, there is still a while to go. I think there are roughly 7 chapters left.

Next chapter includes a reunion that's been a long time coming…

Now, as I said, I will be giving fun facts and answering questions. The most popular one has been about whether or not I've read 'The Grimborn Sister' by Lizby. I have. After I had the idea for this story I started exploring this app/website to make sure I wasn't copying anyone. I came across it and read all the chapters. Once I read it, I realized that the only thing our stories had in common was that Camicazi had unreturned feelings for Hiccup and chose to go forward with this story.

So yeah, leave any questions you want!Quote from next chapter: "It's not much, still, I hope you like it"

Shohini :)