A/N: Here's a little insight to how Jacob saw a few of our previous chapters go down.
Chapter Eighteen – Where Jacob Contemplates (Pretty Much) Everything
and can you feel it too?
when I'm touching you
and when my hair stands on ends
it's saluting you
the blush in your cheeks
says that you bleed like me
-halsey, clementine
Nessie was fast asleep, her delicate frame slouched in the seat with her head resting on the window. I never realized I would love seeing someone asleep. But, I loved watching Nessie sleep. The way her long black lashes curled out, her sighs she would let out here and there. Just beautiful.
I couldn't stop thinking, though. My mind was exploding with every memory as we drove away from where they all occurred. The worst of it, was at the forefront. Psychotic King Dracula himself, terrorizing my confidence in my ability to protect my Nessie.
oOoOo
"A – Aro." Her voice stuttered, she sounded so scared.
Don't worry, I won't let anything happen.
I nudged her behind me and tried to control my shaking. I couldn't phase this close to her, but damn if I didn't want to rip them apart.
King Dracula who was now being dubbed Psychotic King Dracula for the smile he just gave us as he looked Seth and I up and down. He inhaled, probably taking in our scent, and raised his chalky brows. He turned to creepy blonde baby Dracula and I figured she was about to light my brain on fire. Great.
Nothing happened, no short of a relief. She did look damn near ready to combust, though.
"Bella." He chimed, rolling his tongue as he said her name. What is everyone's fascination with Bella? Fuck.
"Dear, sweet Renesmee. How you've grown. Come, child. Let me see." He held out his palm to her.
Uh, yeah. No. No way. I growled a warning and kept my arm in front of her.
"Jake – it's okay. I'm fine."
No, Nessie. I have to keep you safe. I won't move.
I felt her small warm hand lay on my arm, and felt the familiar tingling.
I have to, please. Don't make this harder.
Her melodic voice rang in my head, making my knees almost go weak.
I huffed and dropped my arm, keeping my eyes locked with the red ones of Psychotic King Dracula as she passed. Right before she reached him, I grabbed her hand and pulled her back slightly. Look at me, my Nessie.
Her beautiful, chocolate eyes bore into mine.
I love you. She sent me with her amazing gift. God, I loved that. I love you. I love you.
I knew she couldn't hear me, so I squeezed her hand three times.
The feeling of her letting go was equivilant to what it must feel like to be thrown into a brick wall. It fucking hurt, and it was because I had no idea what was going to happen when she was out of my immediate reach.
I watched intently as she took his dead hand in her beautiful ones. Hands he didn't deserve to touch.
Come on, Nessie. Hurry up and come back to me.
I saw Edward twitch with a grimace, what was he seeing?
"Ah." King Bloodsucker breathed with a closed mouth smile. Can I rip his head off now, Eddy?
Edward shot me a look.
It wouldn't take long, you know.
Before I could look at Edward for another reaction, Aro's red eyes flashed open and his creepy smirk turned into a full blown grin. He let out the weirdest, shrill sound of excitement, making my ears ring and the hair on my arms stand up.
"How very unique your life has been, truly squisita."
Edward let in a sharp inhale, and I watched as he gave Ness a quick glare. What was she thinking? Probably the same thing as me. That's my girl.
"Aro, you've come back to check, just as promised. I am surprised, though. You come with a small entourage." She said like she had a chip on her shoulder.
I fought the urge to laugh. She never talks like that . . . I mean, I know she's a walking genius but damn.
I wished so badly I could see her facial expressions, it sounded like she was smiling. He doesn't deserve to see your smile, Nessie.
"Need I anymore company just to visit my dear, old friends?" He questioned, motioning to her family.
I should definitely just kill them right now.
"As of yesterday, I've reached full maturity. Nahuel's predictions were correct. I am non-venomous, and not dangerous to humans."
Why are we even entertaining these creeps? I asked Edward in my mind, but he didn't even look at me.
King Dracula nodded slowly, and stepped towards Seth and I. "Yet he got one thing wrong. Your ability to conceive, correct? Your human side should have kicked in, beginning your eternity of fertility. But, you remain barren and have not had a cycle."
I growled low and menacing. Do not talk to my imprint like that. Her fertility is no one's business but ours. She's mine. Mine.
"You also say you're not dangerous to humans? But, I wonder, what of these . . . wolves . . . you have accompanied yourself with? Your mind shows me great beasts, but before me stands men. How is that safe?" He slowly cautioned. Seth shook a bit more violently, but I shot him a look to say 'cut that shit out' even though I wanted to rip them apart just as badly as he did.
My attention went right back to Nessie. Her body turned as she followed King Dracula. Let me see your face, honey.
"They are spirit wolves." She said with sass.
"Renesmee. You defend them honorably. I sense it is due to your . . . connection with this one." He nodded to me, but didn't look away from her face.
I clenched my fists tight and leaned forward. Our connection? She must have shown him.
"What was the word, again?"
"Imprint." Her voice rang out in the quiet room. I took no time in snatching her waist and pulling her against my chest. I inhaled her sweet citrus scent; thankful to have her so close again. Safe. She's safe right here.
King Dracula manically laughed. Seriously, Edward? It's twelve against three. This would be over in seconds.
"Imprint. What a humorous word. A word that carries much greater meaning to the two of you, than most would understand at a surface level. It is most interesting to me that they are nothing like the children of the moon, as I would expect them to be."
I'll fucking kill you if you mock our bond again, pasty. But . . . what the fuck are children of the moon? More creepy vampires?
Edward stepped towards King Dracula, his arms crossing over his chest. "We have broken no rules, Aro. Jacob and Seth are not children of the moon; they are shape-shifters. There is more to our supernatural world than we have ever known possible. They are not threats, and are controlled. They shift whenever they please, and do not have bloodlust. They live their lives as humans, and only shift when necessary."
Oh, damn. That's a compliment.
"I see, and am truly . . . intrigued. What is deemed necessary, may I ask?" His creepy red eyes flashed to meet my own. I tightened my grip on Nessie, and pulled her even closer.
I wasted no time with my threat. "When we feel threatened. If we feel the need to protect our tribe, ourselves or our mates - we will do it."
Doctor Vamp moved, making Aro turn towards him. Good, stop looking at me before I rip you apart. "Aro, as you can see; she's not a threat to our kind. Neither are Jacob and Seth. Renesmee has grown and understands the full capacity of our laws, and the shifters have a similar set of rules. They would never expose our world, seeing as how they are apart of it."
King Dracula looked irritated. "Always such empathy, my dear old friend. Reaching an outstretched hand to those who do not walk the same path of life is a great example why I admire you so. When it comes to Renesmee, I never had a doubt you would lead her down the path of knowledge and compassion. She is truly a remarkable example of how powerful we can be when we put out minds to it. I am surprised, however, that you have not tried to push the limits of her gift."
"Push the limit?" She blurted out.
What the fuck did that mean?
He nodded and clasped his hands together with a clap, "I had expected it to have grown with you, but maybe you are not as gifted as I assumed."
"We never tried, we thought it was unnecessary." Bella spoke softly, blurring over to stand in front of us. Everyone was slowly becoming more on edge with this uncomfortable situation. I had a feeling some shit was about to go down.
"Yet you posses a better range of shield now than the last time we met? What is the necessity of expanding your mind, but not your own offspring?" He questioned with a raised brow.
This dude was seriously about to get fucking smited.
Eddy's lip curled, but he calmed quickly. "Aro, I believe you already know why."
"I have my suspicions. Is it because you were frightened to believe she might be able to control another's thoughts? I'm sure you recognize that to penetrate one's mind with her own is the path towards mind domination, is it not?"
Path towards mind domination? What is this, fucking Star Wars? Nessie would never dominate anyone's mind . . . well. I mean . . . maybe my own . . . in a totally non-creepy-only-sexual way.
Not now Jacob! I screamed internally.
"Don't look so frightened, dear. Come, show me again. Test your mind on me."
Yeah, no. Over my fucking body. I tensed and stepped back, pulling Nessie with me.
She shoved me off and walked away from me, pushing past Bella.
No! Nessie!
She took his dead hand and stiffened as he closed his eyes. "Show me a false memory."
I felt useless as I stood there watching Nessie's face twitch in pain. The beads of sweat fell from her face as she held onto that sick bastard Aro's hand. It took no time for her to grow uncomofrtable. I noticed as the other creepy escort, who I've deducted to be a hybrid like Ness, was staring intently at her. His face twisted into concentration.
What the fuck was he doing? No way. Seth gripped my shoulder, stopping me from stepping forward.
"He's making her see things . . ." Edward trailed off. I couldn't take my eyes off her. My Nessie twitching and shaking, obviously in pain. I could feel it in my bones. It didn't matter that it wasn't physical, it still hurt like hell.
Nahuel, Nessie's creepy friend who gets a little too touchy and stare-y for my liking glared hard at the blonde hybrid. "Like Zafrina from the Amazon."
Great, more vampires that could do this to my Nessie. I'll fucking kill them all.
"Unnecessary, Jacob."
I snarled loudly, but Seth and Bella shoved me back.
"Get your fucking hands off her!"
Aro's eyes snapped open, but my Nessie didn't move.
"If you try anything, he will dissolve the nerve's in her brain. My dear Bella, try as you might – your precious gift cannot hide her mind from Emilian." Psychotic King Dracula warned, eliciting a louder growl from me and Edward.
"Edward!" Bella shouted this time, unnecessary when all of us had excellent hearing. It was purely out of emotion.
"It's . . . true. He's done it before." Edward concluded, and dropped to his knees. We all watched in agony, frozen to our spots. King Dracula's warning was clear and simple, this new half-vampire could destroy Nessie's brain if he wanted if we tried to intervene - and Edward saw proof of that in his thoughts. My poor, sweet Nessie. Helpless and probably going through fucking hell. Monkey man flew over to me, and helped Seth and Bella hold me back as I violently shook, growls erupting from my chest. I needed to get her away. How do I get her away?
"Please control that thing." The baby Dracula sneered.
"She's has enough!" I snarled, flinching forward when I saw Nessie begin to tremble. "Let her go!"
How can I help you, Nessie? How can I fix this?
"She's about to come back." Edward announced cautiously. Bella and him waited on either side of her. I shoved Seth and Emmett off and stepped behind her, my shaking immediately stopping as I touched her waist
Her body went slack and she fell backwards, right into my arms.
"What did you do to her!" I screamed, pulling her closer.
I kneeled down, holding her against my chest. "Nessie, Nessie - are you okay? I'm here. Don't be scared." I smoothed her hair out and kissed her all over.
She was violently shaking, tremors rolling off of her in waves. "My Jacob." She whispered, her eyes opening briefly to look at me. They rolled back and she went slack. Her breathing slowed and for a second, her heart actually skipped a beat. No. No!
Edward stood up quick and faced Aro. "What did he do to her?" He snarled through clenched teeth.
"Edward, be calm. She will recover. Emilian only showed her the power she could posses, the things she might be able to do. He can manipulate a gift, but I'm sure you figured that out watching what happened in her mind." King Dracula said with a wave of his hand.
"She is never going anywhere with you; she doesn't have what you're really here to check for."
What did they want in my Nessie?
"It is a pity. I had high hopes for young Renesmee. Ah, but such is life. Come Jane, Emilian. We have seen enough." Aro flashed his eyes to my Nessie, then to the rest of the Cullens. "I do apologize for the disorder that you may feel occurred. Emilian is still young, and learning his way. Until we see you again, Cullens. It was lovely as always, Carlisle."
They blurred out of the house, and Nessie literally began to convulse in my arms.
"Her mind is going absolutely haywire." Edward said, rushing to her and I. He placed a hand on her cheek and she flinched away. Her eyebrows threaded together, and she buried her head into my chest. I've got you, baby.
He snapped his hand back. "My . . . skin . . . she got frightened. She smells us but doesn't recognize it's us. She thinks they're still here."
I stood, lifting her in my arms and cradling her. I looked around before striding across the room and up the stairs. Get Nessie out. I have to get her out.
"Jacob!" Seth yelled after me, trailing behind me. I scaled the stairs quickly, and found myself sniffing for her room. I nearly kicked the door down and rushed to her bed. I laid her down and cupped her sweaty face in my hands, searching for any sign she would be okay.
"Nessie, honey. It's just me. It's Jake. They're gone." I pleaded, hoping she would just open her beautiful eyes.
I could smell her family outside her room, and I could tell she could too. She shook harder the closer they got.
"Get out!" I yelled as I snapped my head back to glare at them. "Go!"
I climbed into the bed with her and pulled her against me, I would run my fingers over her face a million times if it meant she might know I'm here.
"She does." Edward said sadly, standing in the doorway with Bella. I tried to get angry that they didn't listen to me, but I couldn't blame them. She was just as much theirs as she was mine.
"We're . . . going to leave and check the perimeter. I can't put her through this. Her subconscious is a mess. We'll be far enough away to come back if you need us to. Bella will . . . shield you when we do come back. I don't want to see."
I nodded, not even taking my eyes off my precious Nessie. Nothing else mattered.
oOoOo
I shook my head aggressively, Jesus - I had to get myself under control. Nessie needed me to be strong. But truthfully? I felt weak. I felt undeserving of her. I had a simple task; protect her. And, I couldn't. I almost lost her because of my ignorance, then I almost lost her again because I could barely keep myself in check despite the warnings of what would happen if I pulled her away from King Bloodsucker.
It wasn't fair, truth be told. Uprooting Nessie like this. Taking her away from her family; her comfortable environment. Her normalcy in her unreal world. I had done that. I was doing it.
She said she was happy to come with me; she loved me . . . she needed me. We all knew it was our best option. But, that didn't mean it still felt fucked up. I had been dreaming of bringing her back home since the day we met – but it was never like this. It was never because we were running.
oOoOo
I sat there, staring at her like a dumbstruck idiot – but how could I not? She was beautiful, radiantly amazingly beautiful. She bit her bottom lip in that way I loved so much, just wishing I could pull it out of her teeth with my lips like I fantasized about. She clutched a book to her chest, her gorgeous head of curly hair sprawled out on the floor around her. She stared into the fire and her lip twitched into a smile, then a frown.
What was my Nessie thinking of? Was she thinking about me like I was thinking about her? God, I just wanted to scoop her up and kiss her so bad. I wanted to be near her, drink her in, smell every inch of her skin . . . fuck. This imprint shit is intense. Every second I wanted her – even in my sleep.
I imagined she daydreamed about me. Just like I did about her. I thought a lot about how I would ask her to marry me, and she would say 'Yes! Yes, Jacob!'. How I would bring her home to La Push, and we would get married on First Beach. We'd go home to our home we built together, and I would take her.
Yes. I would take her every possible way. Anything she wanted, anyway she wanted. I would give it to her.
Her eyes drifted towards me, and I flashed mine back down to the papers I was pretending to grade.
Seriously, I was pathetic. A pathetic love-sick puppy, who had an incredibly sexy half-vampire student a foot away from him . . . just dangling in front of him like a meal. It was a cosmic joke.
I had pined after her fucking mother for years, wondering, searching – hoping she was still a human. And then the first day I was determined to find her at that godforsaken school . . . I met Nessie. And, everything changed. The steel cables I had reined in on Bella, snapped. I had an epiphany, a dramatic realization that I never loved Bella – not like I would love Nessie. I loved the idea of Bella. Like she was a damsel in distress, and I had a hero complex.
Meeting Nessie brought all of the confused puzzle pieces together. Why I had been drawn to Bella, why I felt the need to protect her and be around her. Because . . . she would bring me Nessie.
Then, I felt guilt. Undeniable, unapologetic guilt. I could have had Nessie years ago. I could have let go of my anger and gone to their damn wedding to see my best friend off, and then be there for the birth of my imprint. I could have been there for every moment of her life. I should have been there.
But, imprint magic has all it's reasoning that I will never understand.
My attention hyper-focused on Nessie when her fluttering heart sped up so incredibly quickly, and I saw in the corner of my eye she was staring at me. Biting that damn rose bud pink bottom lip of hers.
"Hey, Ness. What are you thinking about?" I blurted out, hoping – praying she would say 'you, Jacob'.
She abruptly dropped the book she was holding in front of her face onto her chest and blushed crimson. I loved her blush.
"I was reading." She said a little too quickly, her blush deepening if that was even possible. God, so beautiful. Nessie, you are so beautiful.
I snorted in response, and raised an eyebrow. I knew she was lying. What were you thinking about, honey? You can tell me.
I set the papers down and looked at her deeply. Taking in every one of her perfect features, lingering on her lips a little too long. She didn't notice. "You're really a terrible liar."
She furrowed those perfectly sculpted brows of her and narrowed her eyes like a smite kitten. I fought the urge to grin. I loved sassy Nessie. Hell, I love every version of my imprint but sassy Nessie was my favorite.
"How would you know I wasn't reading? Were you watching me or something?" Shit, shit. Shit. Did she see me ogling over her?
"I mean – yes and no." I mumbled, picking the papers back up. Trying to hide the blush that was rising on my face was hard. She made me squirm in my place with that damned look she gave me. Her chin tucked in, her beautiful chocolate eyes looking up, framed by long, black wispy lashes. She was the most beautiful woman in the world. She was mine.
I heard her scoff, and then suddenly she was right in front of me, practically in my lap. She snatched the damned papers out of my hands, our fingers brushing against one another like a spark. My eyes snapped to hers. Did you feel that too, honey?
I swallowed thickly, and cleared my throat. She was so close. Her wonderful scent engulfed me. My Nessie smelled amazing. Like oranges, bergamot root and brown sugar. She smelled like what I imagined heaven to smell like.
Come closer, Nessie.
"Your heart rate . . . changed. It got faster, so I was just making sure you were . . . okay." I managed to get out, my voice almost cracking under the pressure of her beautiful eyes.
She inhaled deeply, my eyes darted to her chest that heaved with the motion. And then I drifted my eyes to her breasts – okay nope. Can't go there. Not with her right here.
"I'm right here, Jake." Me too, Ness. "I'm fine. I just was thinking about . . . well – you. Wolf you, I mean."
Wait, what?
She was thinking about me? Oh, fuck. Ohhh, fuck. My heart began hammering in my chest, and excitement rose through me. I was on her mind. Why did that make me act like a fool?
I watched as she pulled away and sat back, tucking her knees under her amazing behind. She cast her gaze downwards and began to pick at the rug.
Nessie, you can look at me. Don't be nervous. I was thinking about you, too.
"You were thinking about me?" I asked, curiously. A smile tugged at the corners of my lips.
I couldn't fight it. My imprint was thinking about me.
"Didn't I just say that?" She sassily mumbled with a huff.
Yes, I was right. Sassy Nessie is my favorite.
I grinned and crossed my ankle over my knee. Gotta remain nonchalant, she can't know that I'm freaking out on the inside. My arms went behind my head and I sighed. Calm, cool, and collected Jacob.
"I know, I just wanted to hear it again." I winked and dropped my arms, picking my papers and pen back up.
I forced myself to look away. I could still see her reaction though. Her wonderful mouth dropped open, forming a perfect little 'o'. She flung backwards onto the carpet and clutched her book like she was holding on for dear life.
That was a good sign, yeah?
Her heart rate didn't relax; it was thrumming so loudly it was beckoning me in. Closer to her.
I had to go to her. I needed to feel her. Fuck it all to Hell. Daddy vamp wasn't here, and I didn't care. I was done pretending I didn't want to be engulfed in her every second. I shuffled the papers as I stared at her, and her head snapped in my direction.
Are you waiting for me, Nessie?
I kneeled myself onto the floor next to her amazing body. She was held tight. Her legs clenched together, her arms holding her sides – but her hair was still wild. I loved her hair. The smell, the look – it was amazing. I rolled over and laid right next to her.
This was the closest I had really ever been. I laid next to her in a somewhat intimate and compromising position. We had hugged, sure. Awkward side hugs that screamed 'you shouldn't be doing this!' but nothing as close as laying next to her. Where I belonged.
I heard her breath hitch in her throat when my arm settled next to hers, our skin brushing against each other. Millions of fireworks went off, like every nerve ending could feel her heat. I had never felt heat until I touched her, and my God it was wonderful.
Are you reacting the same way, Nessie?
I turned my head, and inhaled. Oranges. I felt my eyes darken, the lust was growing inside me. She made me react in ways I never knew possible. "Are you excited for your birthday?" I asked, my voice coming out huskier than I intended.
Her face reddened and then I smelled it. I couldn't ignore that. She was aroused. Had I done that to her? Nessie, do you want me like I want you?
She looked away from me, and my eyes flashed to her thighs. She clenched them tighter together.
Oh, yes. The wolf inside me howled. I had to of be the one doing this to my imprint.
"I'm excited." She choked out, her face still turned away from me.
Edward be damned. She wanted me, she had to – right?
God, I wanted to kiss her so fucking badly.
I lifted my palm to her cheek, and tilted her face towards mine. I could close the distance easily.
"Nessie . . ." I began, but trailed off.
Edwards fucking face popped into my mind, forcing me to drop my hand hastily and burry it behind my head. Fucking leech. Making me promise not to tell her until tomorrow. Why did it matter if she was fucking seven or not?
I groaned internally, feeling like a huge fucking pervert.
My imprint wasn't even seven years old. Hell, she didn't look seven though. She looked like a god damn runway model, all curvy, delicious and beautiful. And mine.
I twitched when I felt her skin creep against mine. I tensed without realizing it and held my breath. Nessie was fucking trying to cuddle me. God, damn it, fucking, hell. Little Jake DO NOT appear. Whatever you do, do not move a goddamned dick muscle.
She laid her amazing head of hair on my chest. I stifled the groan rising in my chest. She's so close . . .
Then she did the unimaginable. She pressed herself closer, her stomach flush against my side. The skin we both had exposed from our shirts riding up brushed against each other. Sparks everywhere. How was this even fair?
Oh, God. Her leg hitched around mine, securing me against her. I could smell her, feel her and almost taste her on my tongue she was so close.
Then all of me crumpled. I melted; dying right there from overdosing on Nessie. Is that even possible?
"I promise, I'm excited." She murmured.
Relax, Jake. She's here, with you. This is what you want. This is what you need.
I inhaled sharply, exhaling my dramtic sigh. I tentatively dropped my arm to her back, letting myself fall into her. Molding with her. My palm rested between her shoulders – I could feel her amazing hot skin through the delicate material of her t shirt. Oh, Nessie. You feel so good.
Involuntarily I began to rub her back. I let my fingers glide across her skin. She felt so good.
Her hips buckled against me, and my eyes almost rolled into my fucking brain. Her arousal was growing, making it so hard for me to relax. This was fucking testing my will. I moved my mouth to the top of her hair and tried to be inconspicuous as I inhaled her scent. I needed to memorize this moment. I drifted my hand to her curls and moved them out of her face.
"Are you okay, Nessie?"
She sighed and pushed away from me. No! Come back!
She sat with her back facing me, her beautiful head burrowed into her delicate arms.
"No – yes." She stuttered. "I don't know. I've been meaning to talk to you."
I didn't even think, I just reacted. My girl needed me, right? You need me, honey. I'm right here. I sat up and swiveled her around to face me. What do you need, Ness?
"What's wrong, Ness? You can tell me anything – I promise."
She glanced up, her beautiful chocolate orbs sparkled.
"I get these . . . knots. If that's what you could call them, and it's . . . strange. It's never happened before, until recently. It makes me feel weird." She told me quietly.
Wait, what?
"Do you feel okay, are you feeling sick when this happens?" I sputtered out, my voice giving away how alarmed I felt.
She sighed and dropped her gaze to her own feet, playing with the hem of those jeans that hugged her legs amazingly. Within seconds, she was looking back at me. I was staring at her and she caught me, but I didn't care.
"It's . . . not sick. It feels nice, sometimes." She whispered, so quietly if I were human I wouldn't have heard her.
Oh. I knew exactly what she meant.
My sweet, innocent Nessie. Of course you're confused.
I sighed, and ran my hair through my tangled hair then scrubbed my face. My hair fell right back into my face so I pulled it back, securing it in a bun with the elastic around my wrist.
How do I tell my imprint that she's getting fucking turned on without sounding like a creep?
Hey, Nessie. You're aroused, and I smell it. But, you probably don't know what it is because your vampy parents didn't think their little girl was capable of lust.
Wait, and oh yeah - one question, is it for me? Are you lusting for me? I mean, who else?
Maybe Seth, but . . . no. There was no way, right?
"Renesmee, I don't think – I mean – maybe your mom is best for this conversation?"
She scoffed and let out a little growl.
Oh, fuck. That's new and so incredibly hot.
"I want to talk to you about this, Jacob." She spat out, her voice raising as she said my name.
Sassy Nessie: 3, Stupid Jacob: 0.
"I think I understand, Nessie. I . . ."
How do I say this? How do I even begin to explain without confessing I wanted to be on every inch of her glorious skin?
Her heart fluttered, forcing me to snap my eyes back to her. "Well?"
Ugh, Nessie. This attitude has got me so whipped.
I nervously rubbed my hands on my thighs, trying to distract my perverted thoughts. "You get knots, yeah? And it feels . . . good?"
"Yes."
"Is this happening when . . . someone touches you?" Please say yes. Say it's me. Say 'Jacob, its you'.
She sucked in shallow breath and looked away. "Most of the time."
Ouch.
She was blunt. She would have told me it was me, right? "A guy?" I asked, not even capable of hiding the hurt on my face.
"Yes."
Our eyes remained in contract for a long moment, until I broke away and stared past her into the fire. It wasn't for me. It definitely wasn't for me. It felt like daggers were digging into my soul. Rejection flared up. Nessie was always honest. She said the first thing that came to her mind.
"Renesmee." I started, not even feeling comfortable using my nick name for her. "Its normal, don't worry. It happens to everyone."
I watched her fall back against the floor. "Okay, Jacob. Whatever."
Okay, ow. That stung even worse. Was she mad at me?
"Nessie – what? It's okay, you don't have to be embarrassed. I won't say anything." I told her hastily.
She remained silent. Yup, she was mad.
"Nessie, I promise. Best friends, yeah? They don't break promises."
Please say yes. Please don't leave me.
"Yeah, okay." She mumbled, and sat up, turning away from me.
No, honey. It's okay. I'm here. Instinctively I reached out and pulled her into me. I needed to comfort her.
"This okay?" I questioned, realizing it probably wasn't.
She sighed and nodded. "Yep, it's fine."
We stared into the fire together, and I couldn't help imagine what she would look like naked in front of it. My fantasy of taking Nessie on the floor was pretty primal, and my imagination ran pretty far with it. Dominating her, biting her, sucking on her skin.
Suddenly the fantasy was blaring in my mind, unlike it had ever been before. I could literally feel how she felt, I felt her emotions. Her lust. My imagination was running rampant. She froze and yanked her hand away, and her eyes flooded to mine.
Oh, fuck. Did she see that? No way. How did she see that?!
I pushed myself away and stood up quickly, staring down at her. Oh, God. No, no, no.
oOoOo
Her beautiful voice brought me back down to earth. I missed her voice. "Jacob?"
I startled at the sound of her voice. She had fallen into a peaceful sleep after we had gotten off the ferry, which left me to recall every moment we ever had together. I couldn't stop thinking about how I almost didn't have her because of my own stupidity. But, I didn't need to think about that anymore because I did have her. I had her forever.
And fuck, that scared me shitless. Would I make her happy? Could I provide for her the ways she was used to? She grew up getting everything she ever wanted and somehow wasn't even close to a spoiled brat. But, I wanted to spoil her. I wanted to give my Nessie the world.
The way she said my name almost always drove me over. Almost. Not as badly as when I had my hands inside her. Yeah, that fucking did me over.
I looked at her, taking her in. Mine.
"Yeah, Ness?" I asked, trying to compose myself.
"When we . . . get to La Push, I want to make a list of things we have to do."
Whatever you want, angel. I will do whatever you want.
"Like what?"
Humor me.
I saw her smile out of the corner of my eye. "Things like go on a date, take a vacation, go to the movies . . . I don't know. Experiences."
I can do that Nessie. I'll take you on a hundred dates, a thousand vacations. We will go everywhere you want, as long as it's safe. "Okay, baby. Whatever you want."
"And – I want to get a job."
Wait, what?
"What?" I blurted out, looking at her with surprise. My Nessie surprised me every moment.
She laughed a twinkling, mischievous laugh and threw her head back, "Yeah! I want to . . . I want us to have as normal of a life as possible."
Normal? Us? "I mean . . . we just have to be careful . . ."
She shot me her sassy kitten look, such a minx. "Jacob I've been hidden away most of my life and even something as trivial as going to school was exhilarating just because I got to interact with humans. It can be somewhere on the reservation, but I won't stay cooped up in a love shack with you."
Oh, so she knew what my plans were.
"Oh, you won't?" I teased, waggling my eyebrows at her suggestively.
"Let's just pretend for a moment that I'm not half-vampire, and you're not a shape-shifter. We're just Jacob and Nessie. You work on cars and I . . . I can be a waitress!"
I snorted, but was actually getting turned on by the thought of Nessie in a little apron. "Why a waitress?"
Her delicate shoulders shrugged. "I don't know, I always liked going to Jeb's so much for the atmosphere."
I nodded. I would give her anything she asked for.
"Alright. Just Jacob and Ness it is." I confirmed. She squealed in delight and threw herself at me, showering me in little pecks that left a tingling sensation on my skin.
I would never get used to that.
A/N: If you like Jacob POV, review and let me know! I have a few other chapters I've written from his perspective in my vaults I'd love to post if you liked them!