Author's notes: Two chapters in two days: I'm on a roll! Formerly named Baoli, this chapter felt better suited to be named Part 2 of Soon.
Suki….
"You keep him out of my sight," Sokka hissed, fighting against Zuko's hold that kept him from lashing out at Aang. His fury distorted his features. A snarl formed on full lips- lips that should only know smiles and kisses.
"Just go, Sokka," Zuko commanded, giving Sokka another shove. His arm barred back across Aang's chest, shielding him from Sokka's wrath.
Nothing more would be said as he turned from his friend. "Suki!"
...Suki…
I've got you
"I've got you," Sokka's voice was now a lilting purr as he scooped her lax body into his arms. In that moment all she could see was him. His smell. His strength. His love.
Suki!
Stay with me!
"Stay with me, my love!" his voice cried. A distant echo through the darkness. "Please, stay with me! You have to stay awake!"
Floating.
Safe.
The pain was washed away by the ebb and flow of gentle waves. Rocking her, like her mother used to do when she was small. She was floating, safe and loved in her embrace: the first Goddess she ever knew. Was her mother still there, she wondered? Watching her from beyond the veil.
Was she proud of her for the life she'd found? The family she made?
Suki.
A soft, silvery glow warmed the darkness that consumed her, taking the form of an ephemeral being- too beautiful for words to describe.
Suki
It's okay, Suki. I won't let anyone take you away from him for as long as you keep him safe.
Suki felt nothing but peace as her eyes slowly opened to greet the morning sun. It's gentle caress filtered in through the porthole of a room so very much like the last. Their belongings were propped up against the foot of the beds, salvaged from the previous cabin.
Making a move to stand, Suki felt herself impeded by the solid weight of Sokka's body around her. The length of him was flush against her back, his lips resting against her neck to send clouds of his hot breath tumbling down her throat. His arms were wrapped tight around her waist, keeping her secured in his arms.
The thought of leaving his embrace evaporated into the subconscious of her mind. Looking forward again, Suki couldn't help but sigh with contentment as a feeling of safety washed over her.
On the other bed, Zuko sat with his back braced against the corner, his eyes watching the world outside with detached indifference. Katara was tucked under his chin, draped across his chest with the blanket wrapped around her shoulders. His palm held her there, rubbing small circles over the small of her back as she slept. His doa swords were propped against his shoulder between his body and the wall, ready to be drawn at a moment's notice.
When Katara began to stir, Suki lidded her eyes to feign slumber. She didn't know what compelled her to do it, but she felt as if to watch them both would be intruding.
"How long was I out?" Katara yawned, scrubbing at her eyes to chase the sleep away.
"Only an hour, maybe two," Zuko breathed. A gentle smile tugged at his lips as he regarded Katara, true affection warming his features- unfettered by masks he had to wear when surrounded by their friends. "You can sleep a little longer: Suki is fine."
"Only by some miracle," Katara breathed, looking towards the kyoshi warrior with a look akin to both wonder and fear. "She could have died, and-"
"She didn't." Zuko put an end to Katara's train of thought, holding her tighter to his chest. "You were able to save her."
Katara could only look into Zuko's eyes then, too tired to even argue. When Zuko crooked his finger under her chin, her lashes fluttered closed. Her head tilted back.
Heat rushed to encase Suki's cheeks as she watched them, only to be disappointed when Zuko pressed his brow against hers.
"Did you get any sleep," Katara breathed, pressing her cheek against his as she sought more of his warmth.
"A little."
"Liar."
"Why ask if you already know the answer?" That boyish smile of his stretched across his lips then. Cheeky and oh so charming.
Katara could only giggle at that before catching her lower lip between her teeth. She looked towards Suki again, giving Suki a reason to seal her eyes completely. Not after Suki witnessed the rosy flush paint Katara's cheeks. "I should...um," Katara stammered, looking for the right words only to pull back in the end. "I should probably check on Suki. See if her fever broke."
"She's fine," Zuko insisted, the smile fading from his voice.
The rustling of fabric gave Suki the confidence she needed to peek through her lashes again. Zuko had pulled Katara back into his embrace, holding her to his chest with a heavy sigh. It was almost as if he was clinging to her in fear that she'd leave him. "I've been meaning to ask you… about the other..." Zuko's composure wavered as he waged an internal battle with himself. His shoulders sagged with defeat before he looked out the porthole again, not knowing where to start. "Dock." He said finally.
Suki couldn't help but feel as if Zuko wanted to talk about something else. By the way Katara deflated against him, it looked as if she did too. What was Katara hoping for? What were they, really?
"Tell me about him," Zuko's request came with another sigh, his smile fading as his confidence crumbled. "I...read his letter. Turns out Aunt Wu may be what she says she is." Withdrawing his hand from Katara's back, Zuko pulled the folded parchment from the nightstand between the two cots.
What was the makings of a lecture never formed when the first line of the letter met Katara's gaze, her eyes widened. "Why is it addressed to you?"
Zuko could only shrug before taking the liberty of reading it out loud, stringing together the characters of his full name with a level of hesitation. Even now, it was surreal to see his full name and title. For so long he had just been Zuko, and that name was always framed with identifiers of shame. Now, there was a reverence that he didn't know how to deal with.
To Fire Lord Liehuo Xuanze Zuko Li Sheng,
Please forgive me and the task that must be placed on your shoulders. The hardship of your task places upon them a new burden.
The one you seek can be found locked behind the "Red Cellar Door,"* Dock will lead the way. You must face the insanity. Only then will the truth of your mother's flight be revealed to you.
Again, I am truly sorry for what must be done.
Solemnly yours,
Wu of the Blooming White Lotus
Katara mulled Zuko's full name in her mind, marveling at the meaning that would forever be etched into each syllable. Zuko had come so far, and yet this rise from the ashes was met with trepidation. The last vestiges of shame still danced in the corner of Zuko's eyes. Katara wanted to chase it away. Offer him peace and comfort in her arms. If only such a thing could be allowed. She was already risking so much by allowing this embrace to continue.
She should pull back from him.
Zuko only held her tighter.
Sighing into his embrace, Katara couldn't bring herself to move. "Dock, you've already met. Xu, is the shopkeeper. A true merchant when it comes to profit." Katara chuckled at the memory of many failed attempts at haggling for his half-rotten goods. He could count the number of coins just by the jingle in a pouch. "And then there's Bushi, who was supposed to keep the river clean- which he failed. Miserably."
"And the fourth?" Zuko pressed, chuckling at Katara's descriptions to go with each name.
Katara could only shake her head in the negative. "There isn't a fourth. At least, not that we've met."
It was Zuko's turn to nibble at his lip. Lowering his eyes, the last of his smile faded into a morose expression. "There's always another personality, one that is violent and...damaged." Zuko breathed, recounting many like Dock who have felt their minds fracture. "Such is the psychosis that dogs the steps of many firebenders. Those of us that can't cope with our...destructive nature."
Katara regarded him in that moment. Her piercing gaze was unwavering as she recalled similar words spoken. "Another firebender, Jeong-Jeong once said something similar. I don't understand, though. What is it about your bending that makes you…." prone to violence? At the risk of generalizing an entire people, Katara couldn't help but wonder why such views were held. Even Iroh had alluded to it in the past.
"Ours is an element of passion. Strong emotions like rage, and lust...more than the sun, it fuels us. Most firebenders rely on these emotions to harness our element. It means that in order to continue to bend, we have to maintain that state of mind. Always. For those fueled by rage and hatred...like I was…." like his sister, and father. Like many in Zuko's family line that drew their strength from the power of their hatred. "It's not uncommon for firebenders to be driven insane by it. Paranoia, violent outbursts, black-out rages. There are those that can't face the aftermath of what they've done, so they lock it away. Their minds fracture and split to bury their crimes deep within themselves."
Some could go years between bloody episodes, but it was still there. The violent spirit was always a hair-trigger away from lashing out. All that could be done was to simply shove those violent impulses back into the box with the prayer that it would be the last time. It never was.
"Back home, scholars and doctors have performed extensive studies into the condition with the hope of curing such afflictions in people like him…" And Azula, who was still rotting away in a psychiatric ward. Zuko could lie to himself and say that it was for her own good, but he knew the truth: There was no fixing this. It was the price they paid for the destructive power they were given.
"How can you be so sure that he's like that?" Katara couldn't help but ask. At no point has Dock, or any of the other personalities shown themselves to be firebenders.
"I wasn't, until I read the letter." Part of Zuko wished he hadn't. He should have ignored his curiosity. "When seeking treatment, the bender undergoes hypnosis- not that unlike what the Dai Li have bastardized to take control of the Ju Di's and Jet." It had been a long time since Zuko uttered that name. It was it's own cut into Zuko's heart; a reminder that he would never be good enough. The sins of his past could never be washed away.
Though he tried to force his way passed it, Zuko found himself lost to the wayward memory of shared smiles, and the promise of friendship. Of calloused hands and the heady scent of clove.
Katara touched his scarred cheek to pull him back. Her thumb stroked the edge of his scar where his nerves were hypersensitive until the sensation faded closer to his eye. All he could feel then, was slight pressure through the void, but Zuko found himself leaning into her touch until his lips pressed into her palm. He knew he should pull back, but Zuko wanted another moment longer. Nuzzling her hand, Zuko revelled in her comfort.
"One day you'll tell me the story, right?" When they had time, and when the world wasn't pulling them in countless directions.
"One day," Zuko promised. Part of him was hesitant to put into words just how deeply Jet had hurt him. After Katara, Jet was the first person Zuko thought to let in. More than Song, who had worn him down, or Jin, who he had fancied for a time. Zuko thought he had a chance at making friends with a kindred spirit. Maybe more than friends.*
With a sigh, Zuko forced his derailed train of thought back on track. Locking Jet away in his memories, Zuko returned to the present and the task at hand. "Personalities locked away by hypnosis can be called on with codewords. Phrases that can draw the violent personality out for treatment. The "Red Cellar Door," is a common one." So much so that none would say it in passing within the Fire Nation, out of growing superstition associated with it. "To let these personalities out without knowing the codeword to lock them away again...it's dangerous and cruel." Yet Zuko knew he would have to do it.
Was there no other way? Was there some other clue to finding his mother?
"It's okay, Zuko," Katara tried to assure him, still stroking his cheek as he nuzzled her. "We'll figure it out."
"And if we can't?" Aunt Wu's letter didn't have any clue as to what would put Baoli back in- not that Zuko could see. What if he couldn't? Personalities locked behind the Red Cellar Door were vicious, and bloodthirsty. How could he in good conscience let that thing out?
Would he be forgiven if he did?
"We will." Katara would make sure of it. "I was able to heal Jet's mind with my bending. I'll do the same with Baoli." If she fails, then that would be her burden to bear. Zuko had taken on enough.
Even now, self doubt had him relying heavily on her strength. The weight of this decision burrowed deep into her heart. It always broke her heart to see Zuko like this: so torn with what was right and what was necessary. He wanted so desperately to be good, that each decision filled his heart with such anxiety. She could feel it warming his skin, and quicken his pulse until he was near panting against her. The darkness of his past was a heavy weight on his shoulders. What he had to do now even moreso.
Katara could only offer him this much. Rising onto her knees, Katara pulled Zuko's head to lay against her neck, offering Zuko all the comfort he could ever need. She would never punish him for wanting to do the right thing, nor would she let him wallow in what ifs or regrets for mistakes he hasn't even made.
Zuko felt himself relax against her. His pulse slowed as his breath mirrored hers. He felt...better. He always felt better whenever Katara held him, which made the hardships he had to face bearable. She kept him grounded without making him feel weak for needing her.
A knock on the door had Zuko withdrawing from Katara's embrace.
Sokka's eyes snapped open as adrenaline spiked. His boomerang was drawn from beneath the pillow where he held it, before it was sent flying. It embedded deep into the door as his body hovered over Suki, shielding her as awareness flooded into his system.
Suki rolled beneath him so she could reach up and capture his cheeks, forcing his focus to be exclusively on her. "It's okay, Sokka. We're fine," she cooed as he blinked down at her. The hard lines of his growl were quick to fade as relief and joy overcame him.
"Suki," Sokka breathed, showering her face with kisses before allowing his weight to settle back over her. Whomever was at the door was of little concern to him. All that mattered was that Suki was alive and healthy beneath him, safe and sound.
It was probably for the best that he was distracted. Katara doubted that Sokka would be too keen on her sitting across Zuko's lap. She'd taken advantage of the situation for long enough.
"Coming," she called when their code was banged onto the door again. Shrugging off the blanket, Katara padded over to the door just as Aang opened it.
Shuffling his feet, Aang dared only peaked his head through the door. Eyes downcast, it was easy to see that he had ill tidings. "I wasn't able to get in, again." The spirit world had refused his entry, which meant another day of Koh.
Her blood ran cold.
"I'll try again," Aang assured her, reaching out for Katara's hand so he could lace his fingers with hers. "They can't keep me out forever."
Katara tried to smile, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. She couldn't hide the rush of paranoia and fear that crawled down her spine. "Alright." Turning from Aang, she didn't know what else to say. In the back of her mind, her faith had been shaken just enough. She knew he was going to keep failing. The stakes weren't high enough, yet. Aang needed more of a push, but at what cost? Who was next to get hurt?
Aang continued to shuffle in place, searching the room around Katara's shoulder to find Sokka's glare. His hold around Suki had only tightened before he turned from him, refusing to meet Aang's eyes. If at all possible, he wilted even more as he flinched out of the room.
Aang couldn't get anything right, it seemed. No matter how hard he tried, someone got hurt. Now, Sokka hated him.
"Give him time," Katara breathed, stroking her thumb over the back of Aang's hand. So soft, and gentle, Aang's hands had only just started developing calluses as proof of life's hardships. Part of Katara wanted to shield him from it all, so his eyes would never know pain or sorrow again. His innocence was not of their time. His life wasn't war and pain, not like everyone else's was. Save for his more recent years, he never had to make hard decisions, or make sacrifices. It wasn't fair to expect him to suddenly change because it suited them.
In time, Sokka would calm down and he would be back to calling Aang 'brother.' In time, Aang would grow up and become the man they all knew he could be. But right now….
"Why don't we grab everyone some breakfast?" Katara asked, pushing Aang farther from the room to shield him from Sokka's fury.
Holding tight to her hand, Aang nodded before allowing Katara to lead him away.
Zuko watched her, wishing to follow after her and assist them in their self appointed task. Instead, he turned to Sokka with a frown. "You're being too hard on him," Zuko tried, knowing that his words were hypocritical in nature: if it was Katara, Zuko didn't think he'd hold it together nearly as well.
Sokka knew this, and scoffed at his friend. "He needs to grow up."
"And he will, but nothing any of us do with force it. You're only hurting him and yourself by trying." Part of Zuko wanted to keep Aang innocent to the darkness of their world, knowing that he came from a time of peace. He was allowed to be a child.
"You're just as bad as Katara," Sokka hissed. "We can't keep coddling him. You all don't realize that Suki could have died. That venom can kill you in minutes if it gets to your heart. We were lucky this time. What about next time?" They couldn't keep hoping for miracles.
"There won't be a next time," Suki interrupted Sokka from going on a tirade, knowing that Sokka could be just as enabling in times of peace. "Next time I see that man, I will kill him. He won't get another chance to hurt you, or anyone else. I promise."
When they disembarked, the group found an entirely new Jang Hui from the one of their memories. Life bustled about them all as silver and blue ribbons were braided into gold and red, interwoven with both fire and water lilies. The garlands were stretched across each stall, and wrapped around every post. Heavily spiced fish were set to sizzle over grills, accompanied by an assortment of other festival foods in honor of...what?
"It smells like home," Sokka breathed, taking deep lungfuls as he was drawn to the nearest stall offering the mouthwatering cuisine.
"It looks like home," Katara followed, marveling at all the blues that near overpowered the traditional reds of the Fire Nation. "Xing, what is all this? Why does it-"
"Blessings to the hand of the Painted Lady," a woman interrupted, holding a hand woven basket of fruit to Katara. A cluster of children clammored around her feet, holding out small bouquets of flowers in their little fists. All were wrapped in the same braided ribbons of blues and reds. Some even had strings of shells wrapped around the stems.
Katara stammered for what to say, only barely recognizing the children as some of her patients. The gifts were shoved into her arms, denying her any chance to refuse them. As if she could, their smiles and cheers were impossible to deny as they danced around her legs before taking off to dive off the pier.
"Sedna's blessings to you!" One little girl called as she gave chase to her friends. She then joined the other children to dive deep underwater. One by one, they would come up waving shells and river smooth stones like proud trophies.
"It's almost the Winter Solstice, my Lady. We're celebrating Sedna and Agni's marriage," Xing explained, holding up his own bouquet of flowers to Katara with hopeful eyes.
Accepting the flowers, Katara could only stare slack jawed as Xing somehow managed to find her hand beneath all the gifts and continue leading her towards the residential section of their floating village.
"It's a pity you weren't here for Autumn's harvest," Dock yammered, muscling his way to Katara's side. "It would have been a privilege to host you for the opening ceremony in honor of Agni's quest. Surely, she would have been delighted to have you represent her."
"Wait, just wait," Katara finally managed, taking several steps back until she felt Zuko's presence behind her. His palm braced against the small of her back, creating a barrier between her and the celebrations going on around her. "What's going on? Why is Sedna, a Water Tribe Goddess, being worshipped here, now? I thought the practice was outlawed." It was a lot to take in, even with the brief history lesson she'd received back at the merchant's pier.
"It was," Zuko breathed, just as confused by all of it.
"Not here, it's not," Dock winked, letting them in on a secret the village of Jang Hui kept. "We've been keeping the practice alive and guarding her temple since long before the Hundred Year War. Even when her worship was banned, and made punishable by death, it was our responsibility to protect our Goddess. The last thing anyone wants is to piss off the Goddess of the Sea. Her wrath could wipe us all out in an instant- we are an archipelago after all."
Even the atheist was silenced by that logic. Now knowing better, Sokka knew what La was capable of as only an Ocean Spirit. Though Sokka had lost faith in actual Gods, tempting fate was a decidedly unwise decision. All it would take was a Tsunami to wipe out a number of the islands within the Fire Nation, which is probably why the war was so quick to destabilize the Water Tribes. If the waterbenders were able to, and if the Avatar had been reborn into the tribes, then the war may have turned out a little differently.
Reaching Xing's home, his stepfather shouldered the door open to allow the youths entry, calling to his wife all the while when she was revealed to be bustling about her kitchen.
At first, the buxom woman looked about ready to give her husband an earful at the unplanned intrusion, marching from the kitchen while brandishing a carrot. Such a number of guests needed at least weeks of planning. The words died in her throat upon catching sight of Katara. With an undignified squeak, the woman threw the carrot behind her before a nervous, starstruck smile pulled at her lips. "My Lady Katara! It is an honor!"
Chestnut strands fell free of her topknot at her exuberant approach. Stopping short of barreling into Katara, the woman bowed repeatedly. "It is so good to see you again. Thank you for blessing our home with your visit. And thank you for healing my son. Thank you. Thank you!"
Handing her gifts off to Sokka, Katara placed her hands on the woman's shoulders to put an end to the bowing. "It was nothing. I'm just happy I was able to help him."
Genuine gratitude glossed over the woman's eyes as she smiled, catching Katara's hands so she could rest her brow upon them. "Not nothing, my Lady. You saw us when we were starving and had nothing to offer. You saved us. My son is my life, and you brought him back to me. I could never repay my debt to you."
"It was a group effort," Katara insisted, but her words fell on deaf ears.
The woman, Dongmei, would hear nothing of it, and set to crafting a meal befitting of the Lady Katara and her travel party. Katara could say nothing as it was insisted that they make themselves comfortable.
"Hey, Zuko. Care to explain a bit more, because I'm still confused," Sokka pleaded once the 'Katara worshippers' had been pulled into the kitchen to assist with their feast. Stealing a peak over his shoulder, Sokka counted at least four faces trying to look into the window. Kids by the look of them, all desperate to see their savior.
"Why are you asking me, I know about as much as you do," Zuko shrugged, not in the least bit perturbed by their current situation.
Sokka just gave him an incredulous look, gesturing to the flowers, shells, and fruits that had been laid at Katara's feet. "You're the history buff; so, history!"
Blinking at him, Zuko had to concede that Sokka did have a point. It wasn't like Aang was forthcoming with the information. He was unusually silent the moment they set foot in the village. Granted he wasn't all that chatty before in light of everything that happened on the way. Zuko just hated being the center of attention. It took him a moment to adjust. The eyes of all his friends were focused on him, watching his every movement as they waited for the history that only Zuko seemed privy to.
"There was once a time when the sea wasn't so kind," Zuko started, finally. "There was a time when the winters were beset by freezing rains- stronger than even the monsoons that would strike during the spring. The ice of the poles would freeze the Temples of the Airbenders, and change the course of the fish the Fire Nation relied on for food. Trade with Northern and Southern Water Tribes gave this frigid cold and violent sea a name: Sedna. The Dark Goddess who's wrath sought to wash away all who displeased her, and freeze the whole of the earth before taking us all down to the dark underworld. So, my people prayed for Agni to vanquish the vengeful deity."
This part of the story was always constant, even as the pages of history were rewritten to exclude any ties to the rest of the world. Who was once a Queen of the Underworld, Goddess of the Sea, and mother to all marine life was changed. Now, her memory was preserved as a demon meant to be vanquished.
Zuko didn't say much more right away, watching as Xing popped around the corner with a tray of tea for them all. He accepted his cup with a low thanks, waiting for the others to be served before taking a sip.
He almost choked with how bland and bitter it was. He had grown used to his tea being served with copious amounts of sugar already stirred in, and had forgotten how much like hot leaf juice tea was without it. Looking around, Zuko pointedly ignored Katara's chuckle before grabbing a fistful of berries from her gift basket. Biting a few in half, he dropped them into his cup, only to see two more shoved in his direction when Xing's back was turned.
Toph got the lion's share; He bit enough in half to have the tea threaten to spill over.Katara didn't need as much, and instead caught one of the berry halves before it could land in her tea, popping it into her mouth.
Once everyone was settled, Zuko continued the tale:
"Answering the prayers of the people, Agni set out on his quest to learn the best way to kill her. It was then that he learned of her betrayal that set off her rage.
Her father was supposed to rescue her; save her from the birdlike creatures that stole her for her beauty. Instead he threw her to the sea to save his own skin, cutting off her fingers when she clung to the side of his kayak and casting her off to the sea.
He pitied her fate, thinking her now deformed from the blows delivered by her father's ax.
Only she wasn't.
When he found her he was consumed with lust for her. He'd never seen anyone so beautiful. Shells and pearls crowned her head, and her wild curls and her ever curve were the waves of the sea. So beautiful. Breathtaking." So much like the young woman by his side. His Katara. "He had to have her.
For seven days, he sought to placate her with gifts, shower her with praise and his ardent affection. For seven nights, he would take a knee and beg for her hand in marriage.
Sedna denied him at every request, saying that if she could be bought, she would have stayed with the winged things that kidnapped her. She would have agreed to the marriage proposals of the men in her village.
It wasn't until Agni cut the fingers from his own hand that she believed his affections to be true. She accepted his gift so she could be whole again, and told him she would consider his proposal under three conditions:
The first was that she would be his only bride.
Agni didn't even think to rebuttal and absolved his marriages to his other wives.
The second was that he would honor her as her father would not.
Agni vowed that she, and every woman of his land would be honored as equal to men in the eyes of the law, granting them freedom to choose their roles in life." Such was the story as to why the women of his land celebrated a level of freedom that was not found anywhere else.
Titles and family were not restricted to the men. It was why Azula could have been the Fire Lord, even if unmarried. The written law did not mandate a man or woman's place within their stations. It wasn't perfect, and there were many that tried to crush a woman's ambitions. However, as far as the written law was concerned, the Fire Nation was centuries ahead of its time. Such was a point of pride for Zuko.
"What was the third," Katara asked, hanging on to Zuko's every word.
Smiling down at her, Zuko continued. "He was to prove himself as her equal, and face her in combat. As the battle raged, the ice began to recede and the fish returned. He had succeeded in thawing her heart.
On the Winter Solstice, she took him as her husband. Every Winter Solstice following was celebrated as their anniversary, where Agni dedicated himself to his duties as loving husband. Such was why it was the shortest day of the year."
"Because he was servicing his wife?" Sokka couldn't help but laugh, about to comment about how committed the Fire Nation's primary god was to his marriage. The look Katara gave him, and the heat of Suki's gaze on his neck silenced him. As far as they were concerned, the myth was decidedly preferable to the boring, scientific explanation that surrounded what normally occurred when the spirits weren't in a huff.
Shaking his head, Zuko couldn't help but feel a little protective of his deity, the version of which loved and honored his wife, and set the standard for the world to follow. Zuko would often pray for such a loving union to enter his own life. Maybe it was childish and naive, but was it so wrong to want such a devoted marriage?
"Anyway, up until her worship was made illegal, the coastal settlements, and smaller islands would pray to her benevolence to ensure successful fishing expeditions by offering her flowers and making displays of strength and fire to please her. Sailors, Fisherman, and Navymen still keep votives of her likeness in the hulls of her ship, but to avoid persecution they call her the "Big Bad Woman," a demonic ocean spirit that allowed sailing by her grace alone." Another term coined by some of the Water Tribes to the North, but this one further fed the narrative that the Ocean and her followers were evil.*
"Did you," Toph found herself asking, wishing she knew what to look for when she boarded such ships. All she had to go by was the bulkhead of the ship that ferried them the Jang Hui. She spent hours trying to get her seismic sense to work through the wood so she could see her clearly. Was her likeness depicted differently elsewhere, or has Sedna always looked like Katara?
Zuko didn't answer. Turning from Toph, he dared a glance to the rest of the main room where his audience awaited his response. It was a fair question to ask, but years of conditioning rendered him mute. His silence was probably telling, but he was not yet prepared to have an honest discussion about his faith. He was happy with everyone just assuming he practiced the Orthodox Vedic faith of his people, undiluted by the rest of the world. The thought of his people finding out otherwise terrified him, especially with so many still cursing his name and calling him a curse to the Fire Nation.
"I'll answer that another day," Zuko managed passed the lump in his throat. He knew his friends would not mock him, but with so many strangers around Zuko wasn't too keen on sharing such an intimate part of himself. Not even Mai knew. Now, she was the last person he wanted to know about anything personal in his life.
It was for the best. Dongmei had returned to them with massive trays of food balanced overhead, followed closely by her burly husband and her ever eager son. More food than necessary, it was little wonder how they were able to manage. Not even a year ago, the woman was a beggar on the street, relying on her son to gather scraps to eat.
Dock followed soon after with a new pot of tea, topping everyone off while the plates were set on the low table in the middle of the room. He and the family looked to Katara expectantly, eyes shining with the hope of pleasing her.
It was a lot of pressure to put on her shoulders, but she fought passed her discomfort to grace them with one of her more winning smiles. "Thank you so much for your hospitality." Katara gestured for the family to join her and her friends for their meal, feeling awkward with the elevated status that they'd given her. "If you don't mind my asking, you said that you shielded Sedna and her temple? I don't remember seeing one when we passed through here, last."
Thinking she wanted to see it, the family exchanged glances and frowned. "I wish we were able to take you to it, my Lady. I'm sure the Goddess would be pleased to receive you." Dongmei's frown deepened as she sank to a low bow, wishing she didn't have to give such sad news. "When Fire Lord Ozai sent his soldiers to build the smelting factory, the path to the temple had been destroyed. The priestesses were hung as witches, and their corpses were thrown into the river. It's what brought famine and poisoned the water before the factory even struck ground."
Even after so many years, the memory still haunted her. She could still hear the screams as the women were butchered and left to rot, their bodies bloated in the river. The village could do nothing to offer a proper funeral. Every attempt to pull them from the water and burn them properly was met with violence and new bodies added to the collection of dead.
"It's been a little over a decade since anyone in the village has last set foot there," Dock continued. "The way is now blocked by a giant serpent. Only the descendent of the Avatar was allowed passage. Everyone else is devoured."
"Wait, what?" Zuko's pulse quickened. Descendant of the Avatar? Did that mean…? "Ursa? Do you mean my mother, Ursa? She was here?" The thought of concealing his identity was forgotten as he pressed forward, needing to hear those words again.
It was her name that turned starstruck and grateful expressions hard. In its utterance, Xing and Dongmei were pulled behind the sailor's back as if to protect them. Dock pulled a small blade from his boot as he stood, stepping in front of the family that housed him. "What do you want with Princess Ursa?" He commanded, embers spitting from his mouth as the spark of life ignited behind his hazel eyes.
"She is my mother. Please, tell she where she is," Zuko's words fell on deaf ears as the family before him cowered before him.
Xing's mother and husband prostrated themselves on the ground in fear and shame- not knowing how Zuko would react to the secrets they shared. Would their new lord punish them as his father had in the past? It was this fear that had pleas tumbling from their lips, "Please spare us your wrath, my lord. We did not know it was you."
"I swear no harm will come to your or the village," Zuko assured them, feeling their genuine fear of him carve into his own soul. How much like his father did his people regard him? How did he erase this fear? "I just need to know where my mother is. She needs to come home."
"Please, if you know where she is, help us find her," Katara implored the family, her palm resting on Zuko's shoulder.
Xing stepped out from behind his family to regard them both, trusting Katara to keep them safe. If that meant trusting the Fire Lord, then that was enough for him. "A lot of bad people used to come looking for her since before I can remember-"
"Xing," Dongmei hissed, silencing her son before forcing his head down to the ground. "Forgive his choice of words, my Lord. My Lady," she proceeded in her groveling, only lifting her head from the ground enough to keep her words from being muffled. "But he is right: Many assassins and mercenaries alike would come in search of her, but none would dare turn on her. We swear, my Lord. Not even under the threat of torture. When Sedna's creatures pulled her from the lake, we knew it was the divine asking that we protect her. Only Baoli knows where she is now."
Baoli again.
It all circled back to Baoli, who seemed to be on the verge of coming out already.
Zuko observed the distrust and malicious intent that danced in the older man's eyes. He watched as they narrowed on him, his muscles coiling as if readying to strike. Heat distorted the space around him, wafting from his pores. "Do I have permission to call on him?" Zuko finally asked, knowing that there was no way around this.
Katara's hand on his shoulder gave a squeeze, offering him her support in light of what must be done. He reached up to hold her hand there, counting the seconds as the family regarded each other before Dongmei nodded.
"You have our permission, but please do so outside," was her follow up request. "Years of torture have made him extremely violent. He comes out bending, now."
"I understand." Canting his head, Zuko offered his thanks before standing. "Dock, take me to your brother."
The command disarmed the older man just enough cool his ire. It was from Katara that he sought permission, still not trusting Zuko even though he was their Lord. He didn't dare move until she granted him that permissive smile. Only then did he lead them from the house.
Dock lead them to a nearby bridge that connected to the shore. The long bridge was broken up at it's center by a lone platform. His boat was moored to one side of it, painted with Sedna's likeness. Or rather, it was Katara's likeness that was sealed into the wood with shimmering mica and crushed pearls and shells. The garland of lilies wrapped around the rails with an abundance of blue ribbons. The reds to represent the Fire Nation were noticeably absent.
Zuko stopped short of the gangway, wavering in his conviction as he barred his arm across Katara's path to keep her and the others from moving any closer. Taking another deep breath, Zuko called to Dock. "I need to speak to the one locked behind the Red Cellar Door."
Mai and Ty Lee both flinched back. The acrobat pulled Tom-Tom into her arms in one swift motion before taking several steps backwards, shielding both Mai and the babe with her eyes wide. It was instinct that compelled them. Years of both superstition and their higher education had taught them the phrase meant to draw out monsters in their midst. That was the only warning they needed, and anyone else had.
In the moment that followed, Dock froze in place. Eyes widened as they flashed with amber, glowing brighter as his face distorted with rage. Then came the laughter. Maniacal in nature, it shook through the old man's body, bubbling up until it became a roar. A plume of white hot flames reached high to the heavens before those savage eyes turned to glare at Zuko. The red hat that identified him as 'Dock' fell away as the new persona took hold.
He did not recognize him as friend. All he saw was another Fire Bender wearing his forsaken nation's colors. Concentrated heat extended from his tightly closed fists, forming flaming daggers before Baoli charged.
Bracing himself, Zuko shielded his loved ones behind him with a firm "Stay back." This wasn't their fight. Baoli's focus was solely on him, so when Zuko sidestepped to break his stance, he followed. Bringing the blade of flames down onto Zuko's form.
Zuko knocked the first strike away, catching one of Baoli's wrists before shouldering his chest. Herding him farther away from his friends who were ill prepared for the madness in the man's eyes.
The man countered by allowing his body to fall backwards, rolling on his back and kicking up two bursts of flame that burned through the front of Zuko's tunic.
Zuko stepped back in time to minimize the damage, shielding the starburst scar across his chest at the cost of his hand, now red from the heat of Baoli's flames. He made no outward expression of pain, regarding his opponent as he shrugged off his tunic, letting it fall around his hips where it hung by his sash. Shifting his stance, Zuko sank into his knees before launching forward, stopping future attacks by catching Baoli's wrists to hold them at bay. "Where is Ursa?" He asked of the man, lowering himself to be at eye level. His voice steady.
His answer came with a headbutt. Ripping one of his hands free, Baoli was able to pull his knife back out from his boot. "I'll never betray the Princess!" he roared, slicing the knife forward and forcing Zuko to take several steps back as the heat of Baoli's inner flame glowed through the metal before extending into a sword of concentrated heat.
Each swipe of his arm drew red lines across Zuko's chest as he evaded, not quite reaching their mark as Zuko was always just out of reach. Even as he was herded back to the edge of the platform, Baoli's blade could not quite reach him.
Then it did.
At the last possible moment, Zuko swept his leg forward to shatter Baoli's form. Killing the flame that extended the blade, the tip of it stabbed through Zuko's palm to the hilt, allowing Zuko to catch Baoli's hand. In one smooth motion, Zuko pivoted on his heel, catching Baoli by his collar with his good hand before holding him aloft over the edge.
"Zuko!" Katara's voice reached through his inhuman focus, bringing with it the searing hot pain in his hand, and the cascade of blood that fell to form a puddle on the ground. The aged wood of the platform soaked it up, drinking it dry and dispersing the crimson deep into its fibers.
"I'm fine," Zuko assured her, his eyes never leaving Baoli as he struggled against him, feet reaching out to try and reconnect with the dock. His grip holding fast to Zuko's wrist. "Tell me where my mother is, Baoli."
"State your name!" Baoli's barked, smoke wafting from his mouth and nostrils in the beginnings of his dragon's breath.
It was then that Zuko recalled Aunt Wu's letter, and the use of his formal name. He had wondered why formal psychological care had reached the backwater village, for lack of a better word. Only the cities and those with some formal training would know how to lock such a personality away. This was his mother's doing.
Taking a step back, Zuko set Baoli back onto the platform and released him, ripping the knife from his palm and casting it aside. "My name is Liehuo Xuanze Zuko Li Sheng* and you will tell me where my mother has gone." Zuko claimed, and in that moment Baoli was calmed.
The rage that consumed Baoli's being cooled and the tension chording through the older man's muscles relaxed as Baoli regarded him. Conditioned to calm at the sound or Zuko's full name, an eerie quiet took the place of his viokent rage. "Last I saw her, she was riding the current of Sedna's tail to her temple, lead by the Serpent that guards it from all who would deface the temple further."
"Then that's where we will go." Zuko finally had it- the clue he had been searching for. To think it had been right under their noses this whole time.
Contempt had Baoli's lips stretch into a vindictive smile. "Careful, boy," he chortled. "Only those with the Goddess' blessing will pass. You're nothing but food for the Serpent."
"I wouldn't be so sure; she has a soft spot for Firebenders, after all." Zuko had no choice: he couldn't let his search be impeded in such a way. "I'll make it through."
Turning to Katara as she rushed to Zuko's side, refusing to be held back for any longer, Baoli couldn't help but cock his head to the side. "Indeed, she does." He watched as she pulled Zuko's bloodied hand to her breasts, holding it there as a stream of water rose to glove her hands. Starlight bubbled to the surface, knitting muscle and flesh back together until only the memory remained.
Still, Katara held his hand. Bowing her head, she cursed Zuko's terrible habit of letting himself be hurt. Her words were barely over a whisper, but Zuko knew this lecture by heart now.
Even Baoli's eyes turned soft as he watched the pair, feeling more assured in his decision to share Ursa's last known destination. "Take my boat, it will ferry you down the estuary," Baoli offered, jerking his chin in the direction of his craft. Though smaller than what they group of travelers should be used to, it was more than enough to accomodate all of them. "I'll expect you back in time for the Winter Solstice."
"Thank you, Baoli."
Leaving Tom-Tom in Dongmei's care, the group wasted no more time before boarding the small boat that made up Dock's home. Perfectly placed, all it took was untethering the moore before the current set the boat adrift towards their destination. Sokka only needed to turn the wheel to set the boat to face the right way.
As night fell, Zuko felt a wave of calm wash over him as he watched the world beyond the ship pass by. Some of the weight lifted from his shoulders. Now that they had some form of direction, everything didn't seem so impossible.
He had a chance.
"Mind if I join you?" Katara's inquiry announced her arrival, pulling Zuko from his thoughts.
"You never have to ask," Zuko smiled. He would always enjoy her company. Pulling back from the railing, Zuko invited Katara into his space so he could share in the apple she held. Another gift from the villagers who so adored her. Waiting for her to finish her bite, he accepted it with a low word of thanks. He chose to take from where her mouth had been, turning back to the estuary's bank to watch the slithering shadow of sculpted stone.
Jerking his chin towards it, Zuko felt compelled to explain what it was that had him so transfixed. "That's Sedna's tail; The last one that remains," he began. "Named after the estuary, the serpent's tail follows the river all the way to her temple. In the olden days, many of her temples could be found by following similar sculptures. Theoretically, you could ride the current all they way back to the capital. All along the way, there would be shrines to her. Altars depicting Sedna dancing with her husband. Each island had its own temple. When her worship was banned, I thought all depictions of her and the other gods were destroyed or defaced." But there she was: Proof that Sedna had not yet been chased from her home within his nation. Zuko chucked what remained of his apple overboard, watching as it fanished into the darkness with only a splash to announce its landing.
Katara couldn't help but smile at the excitement animating his words. More than the joy to be one step closer to his mother, Katara could feel that Zuko was truly delighted the path they had taken. Sedna's name resonated deep within Zuko's heart where he held her dear to him. "How have you worshipped the sea?" she wondered, knowing how at home he was when on the water. Was it for as long as he'd been banished to sail on it? Longer?
"Always," finally came his answer. With a sheepish smile, Zuko turned to Katara with a flush painting his cheeks. It felt strange to admit it out loud. He was of the Fire Nation, so he could only imagine how it sounded to hear that it was the sea that held dominion over his faith. One of his oldest memories found him on Lu Ten's lap as Iroh told of her, the gentle waves of Ember Island's beach serving as the background music.Her name had always been a part of his life.
"When I was banished, I remember praying to her most. Every storm, or massive wave- hell, every time I was just scared I would pray to her." Back then, Zuko was always scared: Scared of dying. Scared of failure. Just, scared. "I related to her, and the pain inflicted on her by her father. I found solace in the story; how one day she was finally seen for her beauty and worthy of love in spite of her deformities." How that love healed her. Touching his scarred cheek, Zuko still wondered when it would be his turn to experience that salvation of love. Such was his heart's deepest desire. As time passed, Agni came second to Sedna until his private prayers and meditation only carried her name.
"You're not deformed," was all Katara could say in light of Zuko's secret. Reaching up to caress Zuko's cheek, she marvelled at just how beautiful Zuko truly was. Did he truly think himself ugly?
How did Katara see him, when she held him in such a way? Was he broken in her eyes? Repulsive? Did his scars ruin him in her eyes, as it did in the eyes of so many others? He wanted to ask, but to what end? Why would he set her up to lie to him, so that she could call him attractive? "What about you," he asked instead, choosing not to wallow on his darker thoughts. "You don't seem all that religious." Spiritual, maybe, but he'd never seen her practice any one faith outside of the occasional nod of respect.
Katara was almost ashamed to answer. She hadn't practiced her faith in such a long time. Back in the Southern Water Tribes, she took part in the ceremonies as the only maiden of the village. Her prayers were never answered. Sedna had turned her back on Katara and her people, bringing the Fire Nation to her shores anyway. It seemed Sedna loved his people, more than her own. "The day I left my village, was the day I stopped praying," Katara admitted finally, turning from Zuko with downcast eyes.
A new wave of guilt washed over him at the implications of Katara's words. "Was it because of me?"
Yes. "It's alright," Katara managed to smile. "I'm happy for the home that she found in the Fire Nation. It gives me hope to know that our Nations were once so intertwined."
That didn't abate the remorse he felt for his role in her lost faith. "I'm so sorry," Zuko offered, bowing his head to her in shame.
"Don't be," Katara cooed, stepping forward so she could press her brow against his cheek. Wrapping her arms around his shoulders, Katara granted him the forgiveness he craved even though she didn't blame him. It was the one thing she never laid at his feet in blame.
Wrapping his arms low around her waist, Zuko held Katara tight to his chest.
This is how Aang found them.
Standing in the doorway to the cabin, Aang watched as Katara was again lured into Zuko's embrace. His intention plain as day to everyone except Katara, who somehow remained oblivious to Zuko's wanting. What more did she need to see before realizing that Zuko was trying to take her away?
Clenching his fist, Aang felt the darkness in his heart grow into loathing for his friend. As if he could still be called that. It was more than he could stomach, but what could Aang do now that Koh was unleashed? What would Katara listen to? Zuko had already proven himself capable of protecting her? It would be foolish for her to pull away now. His repeated failure all but assured that she would forever be entangled in Zuko's web.
"I don't know how you do it," came a familiar husky tone.
Jumping from his own skin, Aang turned sharply to see Mai leaning against the wall behind him. Her keen eyes narrowed on the not-couple seeking another moment alone outside. A crack in her mask revealed the same pain that echoed in his own heart.
"What do you mean?" he finally asked, not knowing how to be around the noblewoman.
"I mean Zuko," she offered with a wave of her hand. "How can you trust Katara to be alone with him, when you know he wants her? I couldn't do it."
"What do you mean?"
"He told me so himself, when he dumped me for her." Mai slinked closer to Aang's side as she spoke, her eyes never leaving Zuko's form. The way his cheek rested on Katara's crown as he contented himself to simply wrap himself around her. "It's only a matter of time before he steals her from you. They're already sleeping together, so it's only a matter of time before they're...sleeping together. Zuko can be quite seductive, after all."
Heart in his throat, Aang listened as his darkest fear was thrown back in his face. "You don't know what you're talking about. Katara's not like that." He wanted to have hope. He wanted to trust Katara to be faithful to him, but his heart wavered.
"Oh? And if Katara wanted him, too, do you think she'd stop simply because you said so?" In the short time Mai had known Katara, she knew the answer to that.
Aang didn't need to think about it. Katara acted by her own whims, and has been known to go against the grain if it suited her. Lying. Stealing. Cheating. Even killing. Katara was obedient to no mind but her own. There was a darkness in it that Aang couldn't snuff out no matter how hard he tried to keep her pure. Appealing to this darker part of herself is what had her falling into Jet's arm and sharing her kiss with him within days of meeting him.* Zuko would be more of the same.
No matter how much he wanted to defend Katara's honor, he knew that Mai wasn't wrong. Though Zuko was the one that held her intimately, Katara wasn't chasing him away. To the contrary, she welcomed his touch. The way his palms pressed dangerously low against her back, his hips pressed forward into Katara's stomach as she surrendered herself to him completely.
Tipping her head back, Katara silently asked to have Zuko press his forehead against hers. Her smile growing when he obliged her, nuzzling into her. Lips parted as they shared in each other's breath. Another smile was mirrored between them.
His was short lived when a question that had been burning in his heart sought an answer. He didn't know what it was that gave him the courage. Maybe it was the fact that they were finally alone, or maybe it was how accepting she was of his every secret. Licking his lips, Zuko looked down at Katara's smile. "Katara, I...I've been meaning to ask you…"
A curious pout stole onto her lips as she cocked her head to the side, leaning back just enough to keep his gaze without craning her neck to far. "What about?"
It was too late to back out now. Zuko floundered with what to say, not wanting his bluntness to ruin the moment as swiftly as his question could. "About the other night, when Koh attacked." At Katara's hum, Zuko continued, watching as her eyes pulled from his to settle on his throat. Even in the dim lighting, he could see he flush painting her cheeks. Dare he hope? "Back at the inn when we shared a bed, did you…"
Pulling one of her arms from around his shoulders, Katara silenced Zuko by pressing her fingers to his lips. She didn't need him repeating her actions back to her. She couldn't pull away from him, even if she wanted to. His arms held her captive. The breathy tone of his voice left her weak kneed. "I...I couldn't help myself," was her shameful admittance. "I wanted…" Biting her lip, Katara stopped herself from saying anything more.
Zuko pulled her closer, tighter to his chest, needing to hear more.
Too close.
"What are you two doing?" Aang demanded as he marched forward, leaving Mai to the shadows so she could marvel at her handiwork.
Zuko could feel Katara flinch against his chest- could feel her breath hitch as she turned away from him in shame. It made him want to shield her from the crime Zuko knew he committed. "We were just talking about the past," Zuko lied, stepping forward to put himself between Katara and Aang.
"That's not what it looked like to me," Aang growled. His hands curled into tight fists. Heat crept up his spine to burn his neck and cheeks.
Katara didn't know how much more of this she could take. "And what does it look like?" Katara couldn't help but ask, even though she knew the answer already. She knew exactly how it looked, but the selfish part of her heart didn't care. All that mattered to her was finally getting the answer her heart so desperately wanted to hear. There was hope in Zuko's eyes, she knew it. There was a chance that maybe he wanted her too. Katara wasn't going to give this up: She loved Zuko too much to let this chance slip through her fingers, no matter how wrong it was.
Heart racing, Katara gripped the back of Zuko's tunic as the realization sank in. She loved Zuko. More than lust or friendship, she genuinely loved him, and longed to hear if maybe he wanted her to. In that moment, it was the only thing she wanted.
In this, Katara found a level of calm. There was no sharp pain in her heart when the word formed. There was no deep rooted terror or defeat. She wanted to revel in the small part of Zuko that she was allowed to have, even if she would never be able to have more than the occasional pleasurable accident.
Aang's convictions wavered. Fear and jealousy warred within his heart and mind. Mai's words echoed between his ears: Zuko wanted Katara- his Katara. It was clear across his face, even now that Aang was finally building up the nerve to confront him.
His mask had slipped, and his ardor had escaped Zuko's control. In opening his mouth, Zuko had twisted platonic affection with his own desires. "Shouldn't you be trying to get to the Spirit World? This estuary is a place of religious significance, maybe you can make it from here?"
A deflection- and a poor one at that. Zuko should be better at this with how often he's had to conceal the desires of his treacherous heart. Biting his lip, Zuko couldn't help but feel as if soon there would be nothing left to hide behind. At the same time…
Zuko sighed, counting the seconds in his mind as he sought a level of calm. The feel of Katara at his back, her delicate fist curled tight in his tunic only made his longing that much stronger. He knew it was wrong, and that he should put some distance between Katara and himself from now. Zuko should give Aang and Katara the space they needed to work things out. But he was greedy.
Selfish.
The cruelty of the fates around them had given him a gift he could not deny himself. Even if only in part, and even if everything may ultimately be one sided, Katara was his. It was on his bed that she slept. His arms that she sought safety. He wasn't going to give it up.
May the Gods forgive him.
"We should probably get some sleep. We'll be hitting the maelstrom around dawn." Zuko's announcement came with his arm reaching around to guide Katara from the safety of his shadow.
The rigidness of her spine was one of anger, not fear or subservience. She was biting her tongue to keep her emotions contained. Now was not the time. "Good night," Katara told Aang with a brief cant of her head. Soon, she'd be able to put an end to all of this. She just needed to hold off a little longer.
Zuko moved to follow, but Aang's palm caught him by the elbow to stop him. Stormy hues were downcast, and his shoulders shook with his anger. "I know what you're doing," Aang said finally. His words were a low growl. "You can't have her: Katara is mine. She chose me."
"I know," was all Zuko could say. He didn't even have it in him to deny the unspoken accusation. Aang was naive, but he wasn't stupid. No matter what lie he told, Zuko would not be able to hide his love for Katara for much longer. Soon, it would all be out in the open. "Please, just let me protect her." Zuko's time with Katara was coming to an end. Once Koh was vanquished, Aang was going to take her away from him. Of that, Zuko had no question.
"We're not done," but Aang released Zuko's arm just the same. "I'm not going to let you take her away from me."
"I know." The only question was if Zuko was in a position to fight for her. He didn't want to lose her and the friendship she gave, but soon he would have no choice but to fight for every scrap. Would Katara want him to? He was close to getting the answer.
Passing the wheelhouse where Sokka and Suki made their bed, Zuko made his way below deck where it was just large enough for them all to fit comfortably. The narrow hallway was only barely wide enough to accommodate the width of his shoulders. Barely tall enough to allow Zuko to stand at full height. To the left was a kitchenette of sorts that was far too small to be a galley. What made it smaller were the cots suspended from the walls, one on top of the other like bunk beds. Ty Lee and Mai had laid claim to them, while Toph made her bed on the bench behind the dining table.
Through the door's window, Zuko could see that only Mai was awake. The cascade of her ebony hair was pulled over her shoulder so she could comb it. Her focus was solely on her reflection. It seemed Katara's safety meant so little to Mai, that she kept her mirror even though everyone else had discarded theirs.
In the mood he was in, Zuko wanted nothing more than to shatter it into a million pieces while cursing Mai's vanity. Turning away, Zuko openned the door leading to the "captain's quarters." More of a closet, the full sized bed took up most of the space. Shelves were built into the walls for basic necessities: Clothing, toiletries, Katara's silver hair ornaments and leggings.
Biting his lip, Zuko watched Katara run her fingers through her hair. Eyes closed, she seemed to frown in the direction of the corner. Her long shapely legs were folded beneath her, only barely concealed by Zuko's tunic.
"It looks like Toph won't be joining us tonight," Katara announced, looking over her shoulder to take in Zuko's form.
"I saw." It meant that they would be alone. Zuko was almost ashamed of the thrill rushing through his veins. Aang's warning and unspoken threat went forgotten in light of this new level of intimacy they had been afforded. Closing the door shut behind himself, Zuko entered the room and sealed them away from the outside world. With the sheet covering the windows into the room, they had complete privacy.
This was dangerous.
"What did you and Aang talk about?"
"Were you worried?" Zuko thought to distract himself by shrugging off his tunic as he usually did when preparing for bed. The article of clothing was bunched up to be tucked onto the shelf. Off the floor, and out of the way.
Too dangerous.
"A little." Katara turned her eyes away from the sun kissed expanse of revealed flesh. Her wanting sparked with life to warm her, mounting until gooseflesh stretched across her skin in a shiver.
"Aang just wanted…" to remind him who Katara chose to be with.
This was so very dangerous.
Licking his lips, hungry eyes roved over her form and again he was struck by how much he loved the sight of Katara in nothing else but his tunic. The chill of winter was in full swing, the solstice fast approaching. Yet only now Katara's body reacted to the cold, straining against the soft maroon cotton. He couldn't look away.
"He wanted... what?" To try and bully Zuko into backing off of her, as if he was also tormented by this burning shame? What Katara wouldn't give to have this misery be shared by Zuko.The earlier conversation replayed in her mind, filling her with hope that maybe this was the case.
They really… shouldn't be alone together.
The honourable part of her wanted to wake Toph up and call her to the room. Such was the original plan, since no one else would fit. Someone had to watch them to make sure the darker, lustful parts of Katara behaved. The voice inside her head that was her conscience was barely louder than a whisper.
Now approaching its fullest, the moon above augmented her carnal desires. It gave power to the dishonorable parts of herself that had other plans. It silenced her self-sacrificing conscience with a scream for Zuko to come closer- to touch her.
Katara dropped herself back onto the bed, frustrated and aching. Her thighs clenched together of their own volition, but she dared not make a move that would seem untowards.
Even if Zuko did want her in such a way- which he truly might, he was far too honorable to actually act on it. It was usually one of his more lovable traits. Now, it was an ache that radiated from her core.
If only their conversation hadn't been interrupted. She would have proof whether or not he truly wanted her, and it wasn't just his legendary libido* that inspired his part in these past glorious accidents.
If only their conversation hadn't been interrupted. He would have proof that she truly wanted him, and it wasn't the approaching full moon bringing out the sultry siren to the forefront of her actions.
Did Katara even realize what she did to him? Did she comprehend how thorough her seduction was? Selfish desire screamed with the need to reach forward and cup one of her beaded peaks. To take her into his mouth while his fingers roamed lower to her most secret of places. The part in her loose tunic damn near beckoned him to do so with the glimpses of unbound flesh it showed.
"I don't want to say." Zuko couldn't even utter the Avatar's name in light of how deeply he was affected. Zuko didn't want to darken their thoughts with well founded fears and accusations. "Giving it voice would make it real."
Rolling to her side, Katara watched the expressions that danced on his face. The gravity of this new situation seemed to affect him as much as whatever Aang had accused him of this time. Katara almost found herself giving in to the dark siren of her own libido.
What if she could seduce him into her arms? Claim his kiss? His touch? The universe had done half the work for her, granting her this wish. The cost should have her overcome with shame- her wish had let Koh loose into the world. It didn't. Katara's wants and burning shame made her wonder what it would take to rob Zuko of his control and unleash the passion he kept locked away for future lovers.
For the first time in a long while, Katara cursed her inexperience. Most girls her age would know what to do. They would know how to chase away this heavy tension that pinned her shoulders to the bed, and replace it with deeply rooted desire.
Aang was starting to notice her active role in these scenarios. He knew of her unfaithful heart, and was realizing who it longed for. Why not be guilty for once? She may not have this chance again, yet what if Zuko didn't want her in that way?
It broke her heart; but what if everything was truly a misunderstanding, and this entire show was her desperate longing torturing her heart with what ifs? Biting her lip, Katara gave the bed a pat as a way of granting Zuko permission to join her.
He did so with a grateful sigh. Lifting the blanket, Zuko crawled onto the bed and did his very best not to let his eyes wander. He tried harder not to touch her in spite of how little space the bed offered them.
"You're practically on the edge," Katara chuckled before reaching her arms around his torso to pull him closer. "I won't bite you."
"Sometimes I wish you would," was Zuko's sigh. Jokes and humor were the only way Zuko could be honest.
If only that were true. Katara couldn't help but entertain this fantasy of tasting Zuko's skin as she rode him. Her sex grinding hard against his. His manhood entering her to take the last bit of innocence she had. There were times when her darkest thoughts had her running her icy claws over his pale chest to mark him as hers. "I didn't think you'd be into that kind of thing. Is your masochism a full time thing, or just a once in a while?"
"For you, always." Zuko was born into deviance if the rumor mill was anything to go by. The thought of Katara taming him sent a bolt of desire down to his loins. He could picture it so easily: his mouth pressed between her legs as she gripped his hair in a tight fist, or her nails carving deep lines into his back as he took her.
Katara had to laugh at that, not knowing if the topic of conversation was a safe one to tread while they were so close. Still, she pillowed her head on his offered arm and tucked her head under his chin. So close, she could feel every relaxed sigh and chuckle. The low rumble of his voice vibrated directly into her to send shivers of delight down her spine. "You firebenders always have sex on the brain, don't you?"
"Some more than others. Though with how long I've gone without…." Zuko let the sentence fade, knowing that the situation was becoming increasingly dangerous.
"A week is not that long. You've gone longer without." At least, Katara hoped that was the case: it wasn't like he had many options before the end of the war. After, he was monogamous to Mai who made a show of complaining about how much Zuko wanted.
Seven days, five hours, and a handful of minutes, but who was counting? "It was a long week." Zuko managed the pout of a kicked puppy as he settled down.
If at all possible, Katara found Zuko that much more charming. She truly did love the Zuko that was hers. "Poor baby," she cooed, peeking up at him through her lashes. "Want me to help you with that?"
It was out of her mouth before she could think any better of it. It was just so easy to talk with him about anything that her thoughts escaped her lips at the slightest prompting. The slip had her cheeky smile faltering. Her heart thrummed hard in her chest. So strong and loud, she feared that Zuko could feel it.
His own heart skipped a beat. It had to be a joke. Crooking his finger under her chin, Zuko pulled back just enough to look Katara in the eyes- searching for the truth of her heart. Moonlight danced within her eyes. Her pupils were dilated by the moon' spell. There was desire there, but was it for him? Zuko couldn't help wondering if maybe, just maybe, it was more than that and she wanted him to.
What if he was wrong? Licking his lips, Zuko almost forgot to continue their bout of not-so-harmless banter. "Don't tease me," he tried, but the pitch of his voice sank deeper as his own selfish desires sought to test the waters. What did she want? He rolled them over until he hovered over her. Her knees parted to allow his hips to press into the cradle of her womanhood. His grip held down Katara's wrists at either side of her head.
Not hard enough to prevent her escape. His thumbs stroked the inside of her wrists, counting each pulse as it raced beneath her skin. "You should know better than to play with fire."
She wasn't pushing him away.
Katara couldn't fight the purr that escaped her throat. The flush of arousal crept up her neck to encase her cheeks. Searching his eyes, Katara bit her lip as she floundered for what to do. Was this part of their game, or did Zuko want this as much as she did? Would he set honor aside for her sake?
Her body acted outside of her will, locking her ankles behind his back while arching into his heat. How did she move forward? Could she? This could easily just be another of their wrestling matches.
Taking control, Katara managed to roll them over until she straddled his lap. Zuko didn't try to put up a fight even as the positions reversed. It was she that held down his wrists as she rolled her hips back. The length of him fit against her to elicit another purr. "It's a good thing I know how to handle you." A slow exhale sent a chill down Zuko's chest as frost shimmered in her breath.
Zuko bit back a moan as goosebumps pricked at his skin and beaded his nipples. His body heat roared with life to chase the cold from his body.
He couldn't do this anymore.
Sitting up, Zuko's arms wrapped tight around Katara, holding her prisoner against his chest as he rolled his hips hard against her. Desire rushed through his blood when she moaned against him.
The part of himself that still had control searched her eyes for any sign of apprehension or denial. "Tell me to stop," he finally asked in a low growl.
Panting against him, Katara couldn't stop the rolling of her hips against Zuko. She was finally getting her answer, and yet she wanted to hear him say it. Her fingers hooked around the cord holding Zuko's Inuksuk, needing to hold on to something to keep her grounded. Her eyes focused on the geometric shapes of it. It's meaning echoed in her mind with the honorable path Zuko now walked.
A new kind of guilt filled her then. She wanted this so much, and yet she knew how much Zuko's honor meant to him. What right did she have to tempt him in such a way? "I don't want you to stop, but…"
Their sham of a game went forgotten in light of the insecurity dancing within Katara's eyes. Did she want him, or didn't she? That was the question he wanted answered. "What do you want," was the one he asked.
Reaching her arms around Zuko's shoulders, Katara clung tight to his chest. She knew exactly what she wanted. She just had no right to ask for it, not while she was chained to another. It wasn't even about hurting Aang anymore: It was about Zuko too. "If I asked you, would you hold me?"
Zuko didn't have to think about it. "Yes."
"Then that's all I need, for now." This was as much of her heart that she could reveal. Her lips found the smooth polished surface of the pendant she had given Zuko, grateful for the reminder to do the right thing. She could be selfish later, when she was finally free. I love you too much to take your honor away.
It was probably for the best.
Still, Zuko knew he should feel a level of shame for how completely under Katara's control he was. Laying back, Zuko took a deep breath and allowed himself to be happy. He got his answer: Even if it was just lust, she wanted him too. For now, that was enough. He smiled, holding her even tighter. "Tease." I love you.
1* - Donnie Darko, anyone?
2* - A reminder; as a firebender, Zuko is pansexual. Yes, he is persuing a heterosexual relationship with Katara, but that in no way diminishes the fact that he can love/lust for anyone be they male, female, or non-binary.
As for his relationship with Jet, more on that later.
3* - The version of Sedna's Myth used is the following, due to the parallels that I absolutely fell in love with. Also, the story ties in to why the Fire Nation is quite liberal when compared to the others.
Multiple legends depict Sedna as a beautiful maiden who rejects the marriage proposals from the hunters of her village. She is so beautiful that a birdlike creature kidnaps her to make her his own.
Her father leaves in his kayak to rescue her from the floating ice-island where she is imprisoned while the bird creature is away. The creature, enraged by her disappearance, calls to a spirit of the sea to help him. The sea spirit locates the kayak whit the two humans aboard, and creates huge waves to kill them.
Her father throws Sedna overboard in the hope that this will appease the angry god. Sedna clings to the Kayak, but her father grabs a small ax and chops three of her fingers off before striking her on the head. The three fingers each become a different species of marine animal. The stroke to her head sends Sedna to the ocean floor where she grows a fishtail (Mermaid!!!) and commands the animals of the sea.
The varying legends each give different rationales for Sedna's death, and later ascension to a divine being. Yet, in each version, her father takes her to sea in his kayak, chopping off her fingers. In each version, she sinks to the bottom of the sea, worshipped by hunters who depend on her goodwill to supply food. She is generally considered a vengeful goddess (I wonder why), and hunters must placate and pray to her to release the sea animals from the ocean depths for their hunt.
Fun fact: Sedna is also the name of a large planetoid found November 14th, 2003. 90377 Sedna, or just Sedna is a water planet similar to Neptune. It is the largest planetoid not known to have a moon. Sailor Sedna, anyone?
4* - Following a Chinese naming convention online (and knowing that I probably butchered it all, which is a hint for someone who knows better to correct me), Zuko's name is his birth name and adult/ courtesy name, which to my understanding acts almost like a middle name the courts would use. These names follow after his family surnames.
The formula is Paternal Surname, Maternal surname, Birth name, and adult name.
Roughly translated with the new characters of his name, his Zuko's full name becomes Agni's Chosen, Blessed ascension. Zuko's name is now written with the character's for 'Blessed,' upon his claiming of the title Fire Lord.
5* - According to the Avatar extras, Jet was Katara's first kiss and the first boy Katara allowed to touch her intimately. For the sake of my fic, most intimate touches were over her clothes. For all of Jet's faults, he respected her boundaries without complaint. He actually thought she was even cuter because of them.
6* - The few rumors that manage to form typically revolve around Zuko's near boundless libido. During his banishment, he was known to have a new bed partner every night they made port, and it was probably the only thing his father's court found pride in, even though Ozai was envious.
Most think Zuko would be proud of this, but he doesn't go out of his way to discuss the love life he pays for. More on this in later chapters.
Fun Fact: Ozai was not the prolific lover the rumor mill would have liked to believe. More on this later, also.
Author's note: I know this chapter needs some more smoothing out as it transitions between scenes, but I've been looking at it for over a year and can't bear to sit on it any longer. Holding it hostage won't make it any better, and it's high time I get to finiahing this fanfic.
No more excises, as I race against my next writer's block to the finish line. to think, after all this time I'm not even half way there.
Fuck me!