Chapter 17.

That night and the following night seemed to be like a beautiful dream to Helena. Amon behaved like a perfect gentleman on both nights, although it didn't make her surprised or astonished any more.

After that accident with the ladder, he did not ask any uncomfortable questions from her. He led her to her bed to relax and sleep a little and while she was drowsing, he prepared their simple dinner on his own. An hour later, when she woke up hungrily, he served the dinner himself and she was still so confused and shaken that she did not object.

She ate the food with automatic movements like a robot, she could not even feel the taste of the fish or the roasted potatoes and she kept her eyes on the tablecloth while feeling Amon's searching eyes on herself sometimes. She was wondering if it was a good idea to go to the theatre with Herr Kommandant, into the heart of the Nazi Vienna – even though she did want to see a play, she did want to enjoy a night at the famous theatre and to forget about the nightmare around them, and she did want to be with Amon. In the end she let herself flow with the events.

They spent the rest of the evening together, reading their books, sitting opposite each other in the living room, without looking at each other or having a conversation. She felt huge gratitude for Amon, for his incredible kindness and patience, and she couldn't help but steal a few secret glances on him when she felt safe to do that. How could that have happened at all, she wondered, that my torturer had become my defender, and someone… I love and crave for?

Helena returned to her bedroom when it was ten o' clock. When she stood up and said good night to him, his gentle smile and tender blue eyes, filled up with hope, warmed up her heart and almost made her cry.

- Good night, Helena. Sleep tight because tomorrow you are going to have a long and exciting evening.

- Good night, Herr Kommandant. – she replied weakly and left.

The following day passed quickly as Helena always had a lot to do. Amon gave up the idea of taking her into a restaurant, therefore they decided to have a light dinner before the play, but besides the regular housework, she also had to iron his best shirt, tie and trousers, after putting his jacket into its best shape. She wondered what she should wear in the theatre, but she had received a lovely, dark silver costume from Amon right after arriving in Vienna, and she thought he would want her to wear that piece.

Early in the afternoon Amon arrived back from work with a huge packet. He seemed to be completely calm however, deep inside he was as extremely nervous as Helena herself. Everything was going so well since they had left Poland, he thought, Helena allowed him to get closer to her, both mentally and physically, and she even accepted his invitation in spite of her fear from the outside world. He felt that he managed to make her trust him somehow but he was rather afraid of spoiling the situation between them – or rather of something or someone ruining it.

He put the packet on the kitchen table while Helena was watching it curiously. She had just finished doing the washing up and was drying her hands with a towel.

- Won't you open it? – Amon looked at her.

Her surprise was obvious.

- Why… is it mine?

Amon nodded with a big smile. She was behaving as a timid little girl and he liked that.

- It is yours, yes.

Helena defeated her shyness and opened the large box with careful fingers. She didn't want to cause disappointment to him.

Her astonishment grew even bigger when she could see what was inside the packet. It was a pretty short-sleeved evening dress, falling down till the ankles, its peach colour and silky material reminded her of spring. She really loved it – it was just as simple and still elegant as she could imagine an evening dress should be.

- It cannot be mine… - she said with hesitation.

Amon laughed playfully.

- Of course, it is yours. I guess it is obvious that I didn't buy it for myself.

Helena was rather embarrassed because she knew well that the present must have been too expensive to be spent on a maid.

- But I cannot accept it…

- Why not? You need something elegant for a theatre visit, aren't I right?

She felt defeated and she couldn't help but agree.

- You are right, Herr Kommandant, but…

Amon's smile shone so tenderly and still it frightened her a little. She kept on asking herself why he had spent so much money on her at all. Maybe he just wanted to make me happy, to make me feel normal, she thought, seeing the bliss on his face.

- There is no but. If its price disturbs you, you don't have to worry about it because it was not expensive at all. My mother helped me to choose it and you could see that she is a woman of great taste, so you don't have to worry about your appearance. You will be the most beautiful lady and no one would dare to doubt your high rank.

His voice was fuelled by such passion that Helena had to look away. She was staring at the dress, her whole body was shaking slightly and no matter how hard she tried to stay calm, it was impossible. His openly expressed emotions and desire towards her always frightened her and her own desire to go with him scared her more. Something must happen tonight, her sixth sense whispered to her, something will happen that will change our lives.

Amon seemed to ignore her excitement and he asked her to go to her bedroom and try on the dress – in case a dressmaker's needle would be needed. The dress suited her perfectly, she assured him from the other side of the wall and Amon didn't force her to come and show herself to him immediately. He knew he could be watching her all night long until they say goodbye at the end of the day and the thought made him smile.

That evening Helena felt as if she had been a princess. She was treated that way by Amon. She received a beautiful dress, some decent make-up to put on her face if she wanted to, and even a bouquet of white roses. They took a taxi to the theatre and she could admire the building of the Burgtheater, its luxury and beauty that made her forget that outside those walls, a war was destroying the world.

Amon was holding her arm tenderly on his own as if she were his wife, and he asked her to stop calling him "Herr Kommandant" for that night and to use the name Amon instead. She promised she would use his name but deep inside she knew that she would be unable to pronounce his first name simply.

She really loved the play (even though she could have enjoyed any plays as the actors and the actresses were the best and the most talented ones of the country) and she felt she had never had a more enjoyable evening for such a long time.

However, there was a moment that ruined her happiness.

During the second break, she noticed that some of the theatregoers wore Nazi uniforms. It was not an unusual sight in Vienna as Nazi flags, uniforms, greetings and salutes were everywhere, on the streets, in the shops, in the offices, in the museums, at schools, in the cafés or in the parks. It was everywhere but for the first time, it shook her and slapped her on the face as an alarm ring. There is no safety from the Nazi monster, she thought, and for the first time it was not Amon whom she labelled as monster.

The last drop was a short encounter between them and a Nazi soldier, an old schoolmate of Amon. The cheerful-looking man was talking to Amon as if only a few days had passed since they last met in the grammar school, but Helena felt something strange and alarming in the man's eyes when he stared at her. Maybe it was only paranoia but she didn't like that feeling and she felt herself in danger. He knows that I am Jewish, I feel it, and it was such a stupid idea to bring me here, out of the house, out of the safety, into the crowd, she realised, it would just awake the people's curiosity, especially that of those people who know Amon. Besides feeling fear, she felt some anger too. Many people must have known Amon's wife, some of them probably had heard about his divorce and suddenly he appeared on the scene with a new woman whom no one knew…

Amon seemed not to realise any danger in that situation – at least he behaved as calmly and charmingly as during the whole day. He told her nothing after the man left and he was just asking her opinion of the play. She spoke little and Amon thought she was simply exhausted of the many new sensations.

When they arrived home, entered the hall and Amon closed the door behind them, Helena was watching him. It was so difficult to speak but she felt she needed to clarify everything that moment.

- Herr Kommandant, I must tell you something.

Amon didn't even look at her while helping her take off her coat, then his own. He put the coats carefully on their hangers and smiled softly. He was feeling so happy after spending the evening with Helena, sharing so many new things together, being so close to her, holding her arm, feeling her scent and her touch, watching her face, her passionate eyes discovering the theatre, that he didn't even notice her anxiety.

- I am listening, Helena.

She took a deep breath while her legs started to shake. I must stay strong, she remembered, I must do it for him and for myself.

- Herr Kommandant, please, let me go.

Amon turned around and looked at her confused. He couldn't believe his ears.

- Let you go?

Helena felt really ashamed but she felt that she had no other choice.

- I must go away from here.

Amon didn't understand the situation. Since they had left Poland, Helena seemed to hate him less and she seemed to like him. He felt much less fear in her towards him than back in the concentration camp, she dared to stay in his company, she even asked him to stay with him and hold her in his arms! The evening in the theatre was so perfect, he wondered, she wasn't bothered by his touch, by his gentle behaviour towards her – then what had gone so wrong so suddenly?

- But why?

Helena replied weakly.

- I don't want to bring trouble on you.

Amon shook his head in confusion.

- What do you mean? What trouble?

Her tongue seemed to give up working, it was so hard to pronounce the words.

- I am scared that one day someone will find it out that I am Jewish and they will punish both of us. I don't want that. I don't want to wait for that day every day and I don't want to see you pay for bringing me out of the concentration camp. That man in the theatre, your classmate, he must suspect something, I am sure about it and everyone will wonder who I am, if I am your new girlfriend or mistress…

Even Amon felt how desperate he sounded when he cut into her speech.

- But you are safe with me, I will take care of you. I promised it to you and I will keep this promise forever, you have nothing to worry about…

There was a strange, ferocious flame in her eyes that reminded her of that time back in the concentration camp of Kraków-Płaszów. She knew that he didn't want to lose her, he had never concealed it and the way he was watching her now made it obvious.

- I trust you, Herr Kommandant, but I cannot trust other people…

Amon's breath stopped at that moment. His heart and his lungs felt so heavy in his chest as if they had been made of stone and lead.

- You trust me?

They were staring at each other but this time Helena could tolerate his searching eyes on her and not even her voice shook when she replied:

- I do…

- I would have never thought that I could ever hear such a confession from you… - Amon said on a softer voice, even more confused. Then why do you want to leave me when you could finally trust me, he wanted to ask, but somehow he didn't dare to do that now. He felt defeated and selfish. He planned a perfect evening for her, trying so hard to do everything to please her and make her feel special, yet he forgot to think about the danger of taking her out of her safe home, parading around with her on his arm.

Helena's calmness was a simple mask – that was created by fear and anxiety.

- You have done so much for me. You saved my life.

It took Amon a few seconds before he could speak again.

- And where do you want to go?

The reply came as quickly as if she had been thinking about it for a long time.

- Anywhere. I just want to start a new life. As soon as possible.

Amon's eyes and face expressed so much pain that it was rather difficult for her to keep looking at him. He had given up forcing his will on her anymore – and now she didn't allow him to have another choice.

- All right.

She repeated in astonishment. She didn't expect him to let her go so easily.

- All right?

He nodded with a weak smile.

- Yes, tomorrow morning you can leave. I understand your fear and I am sorry for keeping you here. I won't stand in your way. – he turned around and walked into his bedroom.

She could feel that he was not mad or angry with her – he was simply sad and confused. She could have never imagined that he would dare to show his sadness or to give up expressing his frustration with anger – and now she could see again how much he had changed.

But she didn't lie to him. She loved him and that was why she didn't want to push him into any trouble because of her. It was so difficult to make that decision, to tell it into his eyes, to break away from him – but she had to do that step. We could never be safe, nowhere, not even in Vienna, until this horrible war goes on, she thought bitterly, and I must not risk or sacrifice him for my happiness.