My legs wobble as I make my way down the hall to my room. Bile rises up my throat and feels as though the eggs I managed to consume threaten to come back up. I run to the bathroom sink and turn on the cold water. With trembling hands, I scoop the cold liquid up and splash my face. Gratefully the fridge water elevates the feeling of nausea. My stomach settled, I turn off the tap, take a deep breath and look up at my reflection in the mirror. I'm a mess. My dress is crumpled beyond recognition, my hair is sleep tossed into a rats nest around my head and now, with the addition of water, my makeup is running down my face. I shake my head and being pulling the dress from my body. Once free of the garments, I turn the shower on to the hottest temperature I can stand and get in. For a moment I stand motionless under the scolding spray, my thoughts tumbling around on top of each other. He lied to me. He woke up with me for the first time in over a year and we were… happy…well I was happy and I thought he was…but…Peeta lied to me! The very thought of this morning and the kiss in the same stream of thoughts causes tears to sting my eyes. There have been a lot of things between Peeta and me, everything from unrequited love to him wanting to kill me, but he's never betrayed my trust with a lie. I shove the painful realization away and begin pushing buttons until a vanilla scented foam begins flowing out shower head along with the water. I mindless scrub at my face and hair removing all signs of last nights party from them. Satisfied, I shut off the water but I don't immediately get out of the shower. Removing myself from this box means I'll have to face Peeta, Haymitch, and hell, I'll even need to talk to Gale. So instead I stand staring at the water and bubbles swirling around the drain. I nearly jump out my skin when loud and insistent banging beings assaulting the bathroom door.
"Katniss, we need to talk," Peeta yells through the door as he pounds.
I squeeze my eyes closed against a new flood of tears that spring up.
"Katniss!" he says sounding frustrated and desperate at the same time.
I swipe at my tears, irritated at their insistence of making themselves know.
"Katniss, I'll come in there without your permission if you don't answer me!" he yells, anger now tinting his words.
I yank open the shower door and grab a robe. I've only just tied it up when he bursts into the bathroom. Anger flares. "Damn it Peeta, get the fuck out!" I scream pulling my robe tighter around me.
His eyes burrow into mine. "I will not," he says resolutely.
"If you don't leave I'll have Haymitch remove you," I grind out.
"Good luck with that. He and Effie went over the Thom's," he says smugly.
Anger heats my skin from head to toe. I march across the room and shove him. He has to take a step back to keep from falling over and a flash of satisfaction washes over me. "Then I'll put you out myself," I growl, shoving him again. This time he doesn't move, he's like a brick wall. This only fuels my indignation and I shove into him again with all my weight, but his hands stop me. With them, on my biceps, he holds me inches from his chest.
"Please stop," he says softly.
The sound is so gentle the tears prick my eyes again. I try desperately to blink them back, but a traitorous one escapes down my cheek. Leaving me where I stand, he takes a step back but keeps his hands on my biceps. I swallow down the lump in my throat and look up at him. He blue eyes are stormy and desperate. "You lied to me, what is there to talk about?" I ask coldly.
He shakes his head, "I didn't. I swear to you I didn't," he says solemnly.
I scoff and yank my arms free of his grip. I take a couple of steps back and shake my head awe. "Peeta, you're doing it right now! There's a fucking picture!" I yell.
I watch him visibly swallow. "I took her out on the porch to talk about Cinna. That is all. She…she…kissed me. I was on the receiving end of it I was totally not expecting it," he says evenly.
I take this info in for a moment but the video replays in my head. "You may have not started it but you did respond to it," I counter. " Seems like maybe you've done it before," I counter.
He sighs and sinks into a chair. "The video they showed didn't show me pushing her way," he offers.
I cross my arms across my chest. "You kissed her back Peeta," I say plainly.
He's eye drop to the floor and he shakes his head. "It just…looks that way," he says, his eyes still on the floor.
I let out a long breath. "Perhaps the highjacking is messing with your memories of our first year of knowing each other, but I have some experience in the "kissing you" department!" I say before thinking the statement through. I regret it immediately.
His eyes flick up to mine. "You were faking it, so I'm not sure you have a good frame of reference." He says evenly. His unemotional response, prinks at my heart. I want to say that he's wrong. That some of the kisses did matter, but I bite my tongue. That was a long time again when we were different people. I decided to go a safer route, "Faking it or not, I've seen enough footage of you kissing me to know what you look like when you do it." I return, my voice is not able to mimic his nonchalance.
He stands up and runs his fingers through his curls. "So…you're mad about the kiss," he states, his eyes locked with mine.
My heart thrums in my chest. "Yes…I mean no…" I stumbled. I take a deep breath. "I'm upset because you sat right there," I point to the bed, "yesterday and told me she was just your friend. And in less than 12 hours your kissing her on a dark porch. It seems to me that you left out some important information," I state, my anger refueling.
He squints at me for a second but shakes it off. "I did take her outside on the porch to talk to her. She was the one who initiated the kiss…but maybe… maybe I returned it…I don't know," he says sincerely.
I laugh humorously. "I know being in district 12 for the last year has left you a few options for practicing the skill and all but I'm pretty sure you'd know if YOU kissed someone."
He shakes his head, "Honestly, I just shoved the whole instance away and haven't given it much thought," he says seriously.
"Well don't tell her that, you'll break your new girlfriends' heart,"' I snap.
He growls, "She's not my girlfriend!"
I raise an eyebrow, "Does she know that?"
"Katniss! UGH!" he grunts.
Haymitch appears in the doorway. "Enough!" he shouts. Peeta and I both startle a bit. "You two need to get over this and quick. We have a shitstorm to manage and the Delegate ceremony starts a 3 pm. You know the thing we all agreed to home here to do! I will not have two quarreling teenagers show up to show their ass in front of the nation."
My anger is not quelled but Haymitch is right. We're all here because I wanted us here, to help rebuild. I nod my understanding reluctantly.
Haymitch gives each of us a good long look before nodding. "Good. Peeta a car will be here in 20 minutes to collect you, go get cleaned up."
Peeta looks sheepish, "We weren't done," he says.
"You're done for today. Tomorrow is Sunday, your day off. You two can scream at each other or spend the day making out like the horny teenagers you are, for all I care. But for now, this is over! Pull yourselves together!" he says, showing Peeta to the door. Peeta glares at him but moves towards it. In the doorway he pauses, "We will talk tomorrow," he says leaving me no room to argue with him. I simply nod and he disappears down the hall.
Haymitch looks me up and down. "Gale's coming with the car for Peeta, you should get dressed." He says and turns for the door.
"Haymitch…" I call out. He turns and looks at me. "He…he…" I stutter, not knowing what to say. The damn tears filling my eyes again.
He looks at me and a flash of sympathy flashes on his face. To my surprise, he crosses the room and wraps me in a hug. In spite of shock, I sink into his warmth. He smells of aftershave and mint, which is foreign for Haymitch. My thoughts drift back to Peeta and I on the porch this morning and our musings of Haymitch's strange behavior of late, but instead of focusing on that conversation, my thoughts stray to how nice Peeta's eyes looked in the morning sunlight. I sniff back more tears that threaten once again.
"You're going to have to figure out what you want and soon," Haymitch says quietly. I feel my brow furrow.
"What do you mean?" I ask.
He's not going to be available forever. Other people are going to see how special he is. He's a great catch any day of the week." Haymitch clarifies.
I shake my head and pull away from him, "You know we're not like that." I tell him.
He shrugs. "Oh yeah, then why are you so upset about him kissin' some girl?" he counters.
"He lied to me," I say evenly.
"He didn't, and you know it, well you would if you'd get out of your way," he sighs. "Look, you've been doing this for nearly 4 years. And despite the highjacking, I think the ball is still in your court. You just have to be brave enough to decide what you want. If you don't want him, you need to let him go. He deserves to be happy," he says
The whole conversation is bizarre. Haymitch has never been shy about telling me that Peeta is too good for me, but this is right down meddling. I try to deflect but just end up stuttering. "I don't…he doesn't..."
Haymitch rolls his eyes and throws up his hands. "Get dressed," he says and marches out of the room.
I close the door and slide down it to the floor. I try to sincerely ponder the happening of the morning, and find my earlier anger begins mingling with Haymitch's advice making my head spin. Placing two fingers on each temple I rub gently. Outside the door, I hear the doorbell. The car is early. Ugh, Gales here. I just don't know if I up to this, not that I have a choice. Pushing my conflicting thoughts aside I pulling myself up, I take a deep breath and head for the closet.