Co-Written by ButImBroken and Scribes1015!
"You remembered," were the first words he heard after picking up the phone.
"I remember everything about us," he told her softly. When he never got a response he said a soft, "Hey," into the phone. Then again when she still didn't respond. He heard her sniffle finally and said her name.
"I love them," she managed out.
"Well, I'm glad," he told her, his voice still as gentle as possible.
"I just miss you."
He sighed. "I miss you, too, beautiful. Do you want me to come home?"
"Yes," then she let out a huge sigh herself. "No. I mean I do... but you need to be there right now. I think I can make it a few more hours. Maybe."
"Want me to bring something home?"
"Nope! I'm going to surprise you with dinner tonight."
Angel chuckled. "You are?"
"That I am."
"I will act completely shocked," he vowed.
"You had better."
OoOoO
Angel was fairly certain that he hadn't even been back at the house a full minute before he was inside Buffy again. She'd nearly pounced on him as soon as the door opened, everything in his hands quickly falling to the floor around them as he brought her into his arms. Buffy's own hands wasted no time going to the front of his black pants as he kissed her, his body backing her against the door until it closed behind them.
Angel groaned as her warm hand guided him out of his pants and the opening of his boxer shorts and slid a condom on. Angel lifted her up, quickly shutting the door behind them as his body pushed hers against it. Angel groaned again as he found her wearing absolutely nothing underneath the skirt she had on.
"In," Buffy had breathed out her first words to him since his arrival. "Hi," was her next once he was fully seated inside her.
"Hi," he echoed.
OoOoO
After their immediate needs had been met, both had gotten cleaned up and Angel followed through with his promise to remain surprised at the meal Buffy had prepared for them. "I figured we were eating out a lot and maybe getting back to some of our formally normal routines would be nice," she said as they sat down.
Angel told her that his new work schedule was almost fully worked out so that should help. Wolfram And Hart had been good to him over the years and it was home in many ways but he knew if it impaired his relationship with Buffy ever again he would happily wave goodbye and find something else. His higher ups were working with him as much as possible though to make sure he had a good balance between everything he needed to do. He knew he would be able to work from home quite a bit more soon but that also meant he needed to get on the ball with setting his office back up in the house.
"I still have no idea what I even want to do," Buffy told him. "I was looking through the paper earlier and I guess later I might do an online search for new jobs in the area."
"If you want," he replied. "I don't want you pushing yourself too much. You are still recovering."
Buffy playfully rolled her eyes at him. "Yeah, yeah... I know. But I feel so restless just fiddling around here all day- especially when you're not here."
"You could always be my assistant."
Buffy shot him a look. "And what do you need assistance with?" Angel just winked at her.
OoOoO
Much later in the evening, Angel crawled into the bed, and Buffy found her body melding easily against his. "What are you over here sighing about?" he asked her. Buffy nodded toward the phone in her hand and he peered over her hair before asking to see it. She handed it over and he turned back on his back so she flipped to her other side and pillowed her head on his chest.
"There 's only been one I've seen and liked... I keep coming back to it but I don't know..." He looked down at her and she sighed again. "It's teaching a few hours at a preschool during the week."
"You'd be perfect for that."
Buffy looked elsewhere in the room. "Yeah... maybe. I just worry I'd be constantly reminded of what we could have right now if things had been different," she told him quietly. "Or worse... It would all just make me wish we were working on having a baby right now." Buffy felt him pull her closer to him, dropping a kiss on the crown of her head. Her eyes closed and she cursed the tears that formed and fell slowly onto his skin.
"Come here," he whispered. Her phone was placed off to the side and he lifted her up to him, her nose now brushing against his.
"I really want a baby with you," she whispered.
Angel kissed her, his lips barely brushing against hers. "I know," he whispered. "And I promise you that we are going to make a family."
"But not right now." Buffy knew that they couldn't right now, it wouldn't be right, but that didn't mean it didn't sting all the same.
"The second we have this mess we are in all sorted out," he promised her in a whisper.
Buffy wiped at her eyes. "But I don't know when that will be. I don't know how to just get us there."
He kissed her again. "I don't either, Buffy. If I had a road map or a list of directions saying do A, B, C, D... and everything will be back to the way it should be then I would be blowing through that list like it was nothing. But we don't have that, we just have us together trying to figure it all out as we go."
Buffy felt more tears coming and wiped them away as well. Sometimes the past felt like it was crushing her. Sometimes the unknowing of the present felt like it was crushing her, too.
Angel's eyes burned as he struggled to control his own emotions, it killed him to see her falling apart like this. "Shhh, baby. Please," he whispered into her hair, as she buried her face in his neck trying to control her sobs.
His hands slipped beneath the shirt she was wearing, which he noticed was actually his, to trace a soothing path up and down her sides. He hesitated for only a moment before he spoke. "After I finally left, that last time. I used to have these dreams. Though, I'm not even sure I would call them that, I didn't even have to be asleep for them to occur, and I became so enveloped in them. In this world I created within my mind, it was how I survived. It was the only way I made it through our divorce."
Her tears softened as she listened to him speak. Shifting so she could see him better, she settled in the crook of his arm, her leg splayed across his lower half, clutching onto him as though he may disappear she whispered softly between sniffles. "Wh-What were they? Umm, your dreams I mean, what were they about exactly?"
He wasn't sure if telling her any of this would help either of them, but he needed her to know that she wasn't alone. That they were going through these emotions together, and most importantly that they both wanted more, even if neither of them knew how to get there.
"Us. You, our family." he felt her stiffen slightly at the mention of the word family. Closing his eyes he allowed his mind to wonder back to those dark times.
"You had stopped taking birth control a few weeks before that final incident with Darla. Before Spike. We had decided that we wouldn't actively try for a baby, but we would stop trying to prevent you from getting pregnant. Things between us then, even the weeks prior were a little tense, and we had only made love a few times… But still, every single day in that courtroom I imagined you walking in wearing one of those cardigans you love so much, trying to conceal your growing belly, asking to stop the divorce proceedings…" Taking a deep breath, Angel used his free hand to rub his temples as a single tear escaped down his cheek.
Buffy worked her lips between her teeth, after Spike of course the thought had occurred to her about the possibility of pregnancy. Though she didn't have daydreams. She had nightmares about having to abort a child that could have possibly been Angel's. Thanks to whatever powers that be it never came to that, but it broke her heart even more to know that was exactly what Angel was wishing for.
"I knew logically that a surprise pregnancy was the absolute last thing we needed thrown into our lives, and knowing what I do now about Spike… I'm so glad that's not something you had to go through... I'm fairly certain I was in some state of shock for weeks after I left you in Sunnydale, then when we actually started going to court... My brain just couldn't accept that you weren't going to be my wife anymore. My soul was being torn from my body, and at that time I would have done anything to get you back. Consequences be damned."
Buffy cupped his cheek in her palm, turning his head towards her, kissing his lips softly, she slowly pulled back, as a mischievous smile spread across her face. "So what you're really saying is that if we "accidently" were to get pregnant, then we could get married again and live happily ever after?"
Angel couldn't help the laugh that escaped him, his girl was relentless. Flipping them over he pinned her beneath him, nibbling down her neck, he nipped her bottom lip when she turned towards him, cutting off his access.
When she opened her eyes, the seriousness of his gaze caught her off guard. "The point I was trying to make, was that at our worst moments… When I thought you hated me, I still wanted, I still NEEDED you to be my wife. I can't survive without you Buffy Summers, I tried and I failed. Lindsey tried to force me to move on, but I couldn't. Even now wrapped in your arms, in our bed, I still feel like I can't catch my breath because you're not Mrs. O'connor, at least not in the way that counts… and I think that needs to be rectified before we can make any decision regarding babies."
He held her gaze letting his words sink in. He had been wanting to tell her all of this for so long, but now that the words had been spoken, it left him feeling exposed. They had barely finished unpacking his belongings, and they were already discussing marriage and children. The last thing he wanted to do was rush, or push her into something she wasn't ready for. Yet, the relief he felt was indescribable. As much as he wanted them to be, they weren't just a normal couple, not anymore. In all honesty this conversation was a little overdue.
She watched a myriad of emotions play across his features. Hadn't she just tried explaining to Willow that she couldn't stand the fact the she wasn't his wife, even if it was only a legality. For the first time in a very long time, since before her accident, even before Spike or Darla, she felt a sense of peace. Like she was finally, like they were finally where they were supposed to be, together.
Her hand freed from his grasp, she softly traced along the ridge of his brow. "I think we just figured out step A." Pulling his lips down to her own, she poured all of her thoughts, her hopes and dreams into their kiss.
As it seemed to do between them, things quickly went from smouldering to explosive. He swiftly pulled his t-shirt up and over her head. Making his way down her body, he stopped briefly to place a single kiss to her abdomen just below her bellybutton. Not wanting to linger, he bit onto the lace of her panties. His hands gripped her ass, as he urged her to lift her hips, so that he could work the garment down her legs.
After discarding his own clothes, he returned to her aching center, but just as he was about to taste her, she gripped his hair forcing him back up to her. He tilted his head in unspoken question just as her hand reached between them and encircled his throbbing cock. With an agonizing slowness, Buffy worked him with her hand until his hips were moving on their own accord. It was so empowering knowing that she could reduce this stoic man, to such a quivering mess. Kissing him once more, she jumped when he nearly growled, pushing her hands away so that he could position himself at her entrance. Undulating her hips, just the slightest amount, she shivered as the hot length of him ran along her center. Pressing her face against his, she couldn't fight the slight smile as she whispered in his ear. "Don't forget the condom lover."