A/N: So I was sifting through my other chapters recently and noticed how many A/Ns I put on these things.
I'm sad to say that that won't change. I enjoy talking too much.
And woo woo, Rannoch!
Chapter 15: We're Here
She stepped down onto the red ground, dust clouding around the wings of the Normandy. Tikkun shone across her visor, making it hard to see until the glass polarized. The shrubs swayed from the ship's powerful engines, rustling faintly. Giant, veined rocks stood high above the ground, creating small towers of shade. The water twinkled from the sun, ocean an endless sight beyond the cliffs.
It hit home, now. They were truly, finally here. After three hundred years of hardship and loss, after wars with the geth and the Reapers and Cerberus, her people were returning home.
She was returning home.
Something filled her chest, an emotion that she couldn't quite describe. For the first time in her life, any conflict present was superfluous, like what color the siding of the house would be, or wondering what plot of land to buy. Whatever decision she made didn't have lives hanging in the balance or any guilt or anger attached to it. Just simple, civilian decisions.
"Nice view." Shepard said behind her.
She turned to see him looking at Rann—never mind.
She laughed when she saw where his gaze was. "Can't you think of something else other than sex for five minutes?"
"Not with you standing there." he replied, eyeing her appreciatively.
She blushed. She still wasn't quite used to being flattered or feeling sexy, but she figured that she could learn to live with it.
"Well, what do you think about the view out there?" she asked, turning back to face the vista before her.
She felt a hand on her waist as he came to stand next to her. "I've seen better. Planet's a little on the small side." he said casually.
"Size isn't everything."
He raised a brow at her. "I get the feeling you're trying to tell me something."
She grinned behind her mask. "Don't worry. I'm satisfied with the... state of things." she said coyly.
He pressed her against him, stepping close enough that his nose almost touched the glass of her faceplate. "Now who can't think about anything but sex?"
"Who said I was thinking about sex?"
"Step a little closer and that'll change."
"There goes my appetite." Garrus said from his stance in the Normandy's airlock door.
Shepard grinned, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "Then stop eavesdropping."
"Hard not to when you two make so much racket."
Shepard smiled again, though she could see that his heart wasn't really in it. Tali watched him, concerning trickling through. She pulled on his hand, guiding him away from the Normandy and out of hearing distance of the crew with a small mutter about how they'd be back in a minute. She grimaced as Garrus' snarky comment about them two being alone called after them, but she didn't retaliate.
"How are you feeling?" she asked anxiously. If he wasn't up to arguing with Garrus, something was wrong.
"Tired." he replied with a faint tug of the lips, looking just that. His eyes had dark circles under them, almost liked someone had punched him. Lines of exhaustion marked his skin, making him look older, and his blue gaze was dulled by insomnia.
Akuze had beaten the shit out of him. It had taken another two days of finding working relays to get to Tikkun, and he hadn't slept almost at all. She'd watch helplessly as he'd cringe into his pillow, nightmares drawing his normally relaxed features tight with pain. After his episodes and he attempted sleep once more, she would roll over and feel tears make wet tracks down her cheeks and splash onto the sheets.
Maybe the conflict in her life wasn't quite as shallow as she had thought.
Anger welled inside her as she thought back to the small ceremony. *Damn* those colonists. They'd made John reopen a door that he'd shut firmly years ago, and now demons crawled through its frame, demanding his peace of mind as price for his survival.
He touched her arm, making her look up at him. "Don't worry about me. We're on Rannoch now. You should be happy."
She stepped closer to him, leaning her head on his shoulder. "I am happy. Keelah, more than you'd know. But I want you to be happy as well."
A soft laugh. "I am. A couple of nightmares won't change that."
She didn't really believe him, but didn't want to argue with him, either.
Instead she wrapped her arms around him, feeling selfish. He was hurting and she was avoiding the subject just to be happy.
She felt him hug her back, chin resting on her head. "It really is beautiful." he commented.
She nodded, feeling angry again. And even angrier because she didn't *want* to feel angry. He was pretending that his problems didn't exist, like he always did, to protect her peace of mind. She was torn between wanting to punch him and wanting to kiss him, a duality that was quite familiar to her by now.
Just relax. You can talk to him later. You might have to corner him to do it, but you will.
She blew out a breath, nodding to her thoughts and allowing herself to enjoy the moment, the small plan of action calming her down.
"Yes. It really is."
"There." he said, handing the man back the data pad.
Their arrival on Rannoch had gone far from unnoticed—not that he thought it would, anyway—and now dock workers, officials, and political reps swarmed him, asking him to sign a multitude of papers to legalize a bunch of shit that allowed him and Tali to live here peacefully.
Tali was standing a few feet away, talking quietly to the Admirals. He sensed that she was uneasy about something, and pegged it down to his fitful nights of sleep. Damn woman always worried too much.
Some part of him was anxious as well, wondering how long these nightmares would continue. It has taken years to get through even a week without having any flashbacks. Now he was having them nightly, and sometimes even during his waking hours.
And even stepping foot onto Rannoch had been bittersweet. Sweet because he knew how much it would mean to Tali, and that now he could start his life again, but bitter because of the cost it had taken to put him here.
Do we deserve death?
"Captain?"
He jerked out of his thoughts, looking up to see a vaguely familiar quarian looking at him quizzically.
His mind suddenly clued in to who it was. "Ah, Captain Danna. Good to see you've made it back." he said, shaking the man's hand.
Danna took his outstretched palm awkwardly, obviously not very familiar with the human greeting. "And to you as well, Shepard. I hear that you'll be staying on Rannoch?"
He nodded. "Indeed. I think Tali's actually searching for some land to buy right now." he added, looking over the Captain's shoulder to see her face buried in her omni-tool, Raan speaking quietly to her.
"You've bonded with her, then?" the man asked, making Shepard look back at him. "Your anger during her trial makes even more sense now."
He felt his cheeks warm a little, and he shoved his hand into his pocket to keep it from rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah, we are. Bonded, I mean."
Danna nodded, and he sensed that the man was smiling. "Although I am no longer her Captain and my word won't mean much in formal ceremonies, I am glad to see that she picked a man like you. Even if you aren't quarian." he added, a grin in his voice.
He laughed. "I'm flattered you approve."
"Gerrel, however, may not be so... pleased. He was close with Tali's father, and shared much the same views as Rael. Again, as he isn't her captain anymore it will mean little, but he may make a bit of an uproar."
Shepard's eyes narrowed at the thought. "I'll keep that in mind, Captain. Thank you."
He stepped away, but felt a hand on his shoulder. "And I must thank you as well. You made peace with the geth during times of war and have allowed the quarians to truly live once again."
He nodded, walking away before any more praise met his ears, swallowing hard to try and force the tightness from his throat.
"I like it." Tali said, pacing around the unmarked ground, head down in thought. "It's far enough away from the town for privacy but close enough in case there's an emergency."
"Good view, too." he commented, looking at the nearby cliff face. He could hear the water crashing against the rocks below, foam occasionally spraying up into the sky. There was a small beach to the left if you walked down the path that led up to the plot of land they were currently on, and giant rocks rose up over it, ensuring protection against any possible storms. If they put all the windows to the west and south, they'd get a fair amount of natural sunlight.
"What do you think?" Tali asked, looking up at him.
He smiled at her. "Good place to build. Steady ground, nice view, fair size." he pulled her close. "Privacy, too."
"Mmm." she made an agreeable sound, stepping closer. "I like privacy."
She met his eyes, sobering suddenly. "Are you happy, John?"
He opened his mouth to answer but she cut him off. "And don't lie to me," she added.
He chuckled. "Wouldn't think of it." he paused for a moment, looking around the place where they stood.
Rannoch. The planet Tali had dreamed of since she was a child. A place of peace, a place to finally call home. A place to spend the rest of his life in comfort with his wife.
He allowed himself a moment of rest. He forgot about his life forged in past wars, of hard decisions and bad dreams.
"More than you know." he said honestly.
She beamed behind her helmet, touching his cheek. "Good." she pulled out her omni-tool, pulling up what seemed like house schematics.
"You already know what the house is going to look like?" he asked.
She gave him a look. "Of course. Why, don't you like it?"
He frowned down at the outline. "Yeah, I like it. I was just a little surprised that you've figured this all out already."
Tali fidgeted, looking sheepish. "Well... I was a little excited to be coming here and I didn't want to waste time on Rannoch planning out the shape of the house. So I... I made one."
He grinned, doing his best not to laugh. "Practical, as always."
"Don't give me that look. I was impatient!"
He laughed outright now, earning a smack on the chest. He dragged her close to him once more, hearing her grumble into his shirt. "It's just really cute, is all. You're like a kid on Christmas morning."
"I don't know what that means."
"You don't have to."
"Shep—John! Don't you dare!"
"Come on. I've got you."
"No! Dammit, let go of me!" she squirmed in his grip, watching the waves crash against the cliff face below.
"Tali, I already scanned the water. It's a fifty foot drop straight down. We won't hit any rocks."
"I don't care! I'm not jumping!"
"I'll throw you in then."
"No—Joh—don—stop! Stopstopstop—AH!" he vaulted off of the cliff, her in his arms. She heard him hoot with laughter as they fell. Her stomach slid down to her toes and she felt weightless for a moment.
Then they hit the water.
Bubbles foamed around them, light from the setting sun shining through the water's surface, flickering and wavering from the current.
She saw him grinning, tiny bubbles floating out from his mouth and nose. Then the breath exploded out of him as he began laughing, sending pockets of air rushing towards the surface.
She clung tightly to him as he kicked upwards, long strokes sending them rising up to air. He gasped as their heads broke, laughing and coughing at the same time. Tali punched him, making him laugh harder.
"You boshtet!"
She watched his face, eyes crinkled with mirth. "Wasn't that fun?"
"No!" she replied, but felt humor creep in as she watched him laugh. She always loved watching him when he was in such a good mood, as she'd seldom seen it before. She supposed jumping off of a cliff was worth seeing him so happy, even if only for a moment.
He was still in trouble though.
She wrapped her arms around his neck, a death grip on him as he swam to shore. Another reason that she hadn't wanted to jump—besides the obvious stupidity of jumping off of a cliff—was that she could barely swim.
She felt her toes dig into the cool sand a few moments later and she loosened her vice on his neck, standing up in the now waist-deep water. He smiled down at her, taking her hand as they waded onto the beach front.
He'd taken his shirt off before jumping, and she had a breathtaking view of his upper torso, droplets of water clinging to smooth muscle and old scars. Another plus, she supposed.
She saw Hannah approach them, a smile on her lips as she handed each of them a towel. "You're terrible, John. Scaring your wife like that."
"Mmphm," he said, voice muffled in the fabric as he scrubbed his face. Hannah took Tali's arm, putting the towel around her shoulders and rubbing them with her hands, trying to warm her up in the cooling temperatures of Rannoch's twilight.
"Come on. Kaidan started a campfire, and you can warm up there." Hannah said, guiding her up the small path, still rubbing her shoulders.
Tali let a smile cross her face and felt her eyes sting a little. She missed having someone be a mother to her. Raan was a kind woman, but she wasn't a particularly cuddly person. Neither was Tali, really, but Hannah's motherly concern made her heart ache for her lost parents.
She heard feet scrape against rock as Shepard jogged up to them. "Thanks for leaving me by the shore."
"Don't you start, mister. You're the one who dragged your wife into the water."
"She's still just my fiancée. We aren't technically married yet." he commented, simply to annoy his mother.
It worked, making Tali laugh as she watched him dodge a swat from Hannah.
"Don't get smart with me, Jonathan."
"Oh damn, you're in trouble now." Kasumi said, watching them arrive from her perch atop a crate, sitting next to the crackling fire.
"Now I know how to defeat the Great Commander Shepard. Just call his mother and tell on him." Garrus said, making the crew laugh.
John threw his towel at the smug turian, walking over and picking up his shirt from a crate, which had been folded and put there by his mother after he'd let it drop onto the ground.
"I have to go change. My pants are all wet." he said, passing by Tali and squeezing her shoulder.
She glared at him,
making him grin as he walked back to the Normandy, limping slightly.
She plunked down on a nearby blanket, placing the towel under her. "I wish I could go change." she muttered, pulling the hood off of her helmet and wringing it out onto the ground beside her.
"Your suit's water-proof, right?" Kasumi asked, watching her with interest.
Tali nodded, then sighed when she looked down at the cloth woven around her. It wouldn't do to sit in sopping cloth, so with a heave she stood up again, undoing a couple of buckles and sliding the purple fabric from her suit, squishing it into a ball.
"Yes. I'd be coughing already otherwise."
Tali leaned into him, eyes drooping. She sat between his legs on the blanket, his back against a nearby crate. It was full night now on Rannoch, and the crew was beginning to yawn and stretch, most of them clearly ready for bed.
His fingers idly toyed with a buckle on her suit, smiling faintly. He'd changed into dry clothes and had come back to find the crew roasting marshmallows, supplied by Kasumi. He had absolutely no idea where or how the hell she'd gotten them, but didn't complain when he was handed a golden puff. After, of course, Tali had yelled at him for getting her clan fabric all wet. It probably didn't help matters when he found himself zoning out as he watched her all-black form sway around, as she tended to pace when angry.
She forgave him, finally, when he offered to help reassemble her suit, earning a smack when he pointed out that he'd done it many times before.
After eating what was probably the most unhealthy supper known to man, the crew had begun to socialize around the tiny campfire. Traynor and Gabby had played some sort of strategy game on their omni-tools, trash talking one another the entire time. Adams, Cortez, and Donnelly had been talking about the house that was going to be built, mixing in so much technical jargon about setting up the electrical and comm systems that he quickly tuned out.
Garrus and Kaidan had taken the cliché route of retelling crazy stories of some of the more eccentric missions they'd gone on, which had gotten everybody's attention for a time.
Chakwas and his mother had been talking about Lord knew what, though by their smiles and sideways glances at him he suspected that he didn't want to know.
Joker had mingled a little, though he mostly kept to himself, only offering up the occasional sarcastic remark to the conversation. It hurt just to look at the pilot and Shepard mostly avoided doing so. Darkening his mood would upset Tali—she was far too perceptive for her own good—and a selfish part of him didn't want to feel bad, even if it was only just for an evening.
The wind blew sparks out from the flame, making him shiver and hug Tali closer to him. Her suit was almost completely dry, with the exception of the purple cloth that wound around her body, which wasn't as water repellent as the rest of her envirosuit.
The plunge down the cliff had surprised him, flashes of his stormy descent into Temptation mingling with the sunny dive he'd just had with Tali, happiness and pain twining in his chest. The water had been cold, the first time. Regret and sorrow had intermixed with the bubbles, beckoning him to join the dead.
Not now though. Now, now the water had been warm.
Hannah watched Kaidan put out the last of the fire, stretching and groaning at his popping joints.
"It's definitely time for bed." he said tiredly, mouth contorting in a jaw-cracking yawn.
She nodded, standing up from her crate-cum-chair. She watched the others stand up, each performing their own pre-slumber ritual of stretched muscles.
She looked over to where John and Tali sat, then grinned at the sight before her.
John's head rested against the crate, eyes closed and a peaceful expression on his tired features. Tali was asleep as well, head on his chest and curled up in his lap, his arm providing warmth over her small form.
Garrus walked over to wake them but she stopped him with a hand, shaking her head.
"Leave them be. I'm sure they'll be fine sleeping out here."
The turian smiled faintly, nodding. He collected what he could get an armful of and began walking back to the Normandy.
The others did as well, following Garrus' example and loading up on the blankets and crates they'd brought out to sit on.
Hannah watched them stumble tiredly down the short path back to the ship, not yet following them. She looked down at her son again, smiling.
How old he'd gotten, and how much he'd suffered through. She could still remember him as a boy, eyes bright with youth and full of adventure, mind unclouded by burdens or guilt.
The war had taken its toll on him. Hard decisions that no man should ever have to make, consequences that she couldn't even fully comprehend.
And he'd survived. Through all of it. And looking down at him now, as she watched him sleep with Tali in his arms, she knew he hadn't made his journey alone, nor would he have been able to end it without her.
She leaned down, smoothing his short hair and kissing his forehead.
"Goodnight, John. Sweet dreams."
Next chapter will be more Rannoch-y, if that makes sense. Like house building and getting ready for the wedding and whatnot.