"Holy shit, Ali, you're so fucking hot."

Alison threw her arms around of Hanna for an embrace. "As long as I look half as good as you, I'm doing alright."

Hanna squeezed Alison's waist and brought her hands to Alison's bottom, "trust me, you're more than just alright. How do you keep getting hotter? It's kind of unfair. Are you secretly going to one of those LA plastic surgeons?"

Alison laughed and swatted Hanna's intruding hands away from her butt, "no! It's called the gym."

Hanna glanced at Aria, "yeah, sure, Dr. Gym."

Alison shot Hanna and playful glare as Aria slid her hands around of Alison's waist for a hug, "don't worry Ali, we see your workout videos on Instagram. We know." Hanna mouthed 'surgeon' behind Aria's back and grinned when she earned another glare from Alison.

Alison picked up her dish from the coffee table. "I brought the potatoes, where is Spencer? I need to stick it in the oven so it can warm."

Hanna looked around of the living room for Spencer but only saw Ezra and Caleb. "She's opening a glass of wine, I think. C'mon, we can go put it in the oven. My casserole is heating up too."

Alison followed Hanna to the kitchen and nearly stopped in her tracks when her eyes fell on Emily. She had spent the entire flight from Los Angeles to Philadelphia preparing herself for this moment, for what she would say or how she would act. But imagining a situation was one thing, actually being in the situation was another.

Alison quickly shifted her eyes from Emily to Spencer. She needed a few more seconds to stall. Being so close to Emily hit her harder than she thought it would. Though it was true that during the past year, Alison had become a much stronger version of herself and really made strides in improving her mental wellness and working through issues that caused her pain in the past, it still impacted her to see Emily in person. She couldn't help but to wonder if it always would.

"I'm so glad you could make it home for Thanksgiving, Ali," Spencer greeted her, pulling her away from her thoughts. Alison wrapped her arms around of Spencer for a hug, "me too. I thought I was going to get stuck in LA for the movie but we wrapped a few days earlier than we expected."

Hanna's eyes went wide. "Oh yeah! The movie! How is that going Ms. Movie Star?"

"So exhausting but so rewarding. I have loved every minute on set. We have a fanatic cast and crew."

"Clay Allen is such a cutie," Aria chimed, "he's the hottest actor right now for books that are going to hit theaters in a few years. So many authors want him to play their lead male character."

"It was like James Dean and Brad Pitt had a baby and you got to make out with him," Hanna said, her blue eyes twinkling for details. "Please tell me you had steamy sex scenes with him."

"Okay Hanna, that's enough questions for Ali. I'll take that, thank you," Spencer cut in, taking the potato dish from Alison and sticking it in the oven. The last thing Spencer needed was a jealous Emily being provoked. Even though Spencer wouldn't necessarily mind watching that scene unravel given that Emily had lied to her about not speaking to Alison.

"What? Have you seen Clay?" Hanna continued. She and Spencer separated into their own discussion and Alison thought it was the appropriate time to greet Emily so things wouldn't be so awkward.

She flashed her eyes to Emily, who seemed more interested in her glass of red wine than she did her friends. "Hey, it's good to see you."

Emily broke her eyes from her drink and Alison felt the nerves in her body jolt as if she had just suddenly been woken up. How could she possibly prepare herself to talk to a woman that she had been madly in love with, who also broke her heart, twice?

"You too. I'm glad you had a safe flight."

Alison wanted to frown at how forced and proper Emily's answer was. It was so generic, like they were two acquaintances passing each other at the supermarket. But maybe that's exactly what they were now. They weren't friends anymore. The two had barely spoken to each other in four years. They didn't even know each other anymore. Alison felt herself get angry. After all of this time, she still got so angry about her past with Emily.

No. She was not going to wash away over a year of deep soul searching and self improvement. Alison had become a woman she was proud of and she refused to let Emily hurt how far she had come in bettering herself.

"Thank you. How are you?"

"I'm—,"

"Alison, hey. You look amazing."

The blonde turned her head to see Lorenzo approach her. Toby gave Alison a sympathetic smile over Lorenzo's shoulder. The blonde wanted to laugh. She thought it was kind of sweet that Lorenzo wanted to see her. Clearly he still harbored his long-time crush on her.

"Hey, you don't look too bad yourself. You must not be crushing the donuts like all the other cops, huh?" Alison smiled, giving Lorenzo a squeeze on his bicep. Alison could feel Lorenzo flex his muscles under her touch and she almost slipped another laugh. He was maybe the sweetest guy she had ever met.

Emily grabbed her glass from the counter and made her way out of the living room with Spencer following behind of her.

When Hanna walked by to follow them, Alison grabbed her hand, "where are they going?"

"I don't know, that's what I'm going to find out. Stay here with Lorenzo. He's been talking about you nonstop," Hanna whispered in Alison's ear.

Alison turned back to Lorenzo who was clearly smitten on being left alone with the blonde. Alison couldn't hold back her laugh this time. He was most definitely the sweetest guy she had ever known.

####

Spencer caught up with her first before she could make it to the stairs. "Em, wait."

"Spencer, please. I don't want a lecture right now, okay? Not about Alison."

"About Alison?"

Emily turned to see Hanna coming behind Spencer. "What about Alison?" Hanna pressed again.

Emily flashed her eyes from Hanna to Spencer and back to Hanna again. She already didn't want to have this conversation with Spencer, but now she knew Hanna wouldn't let it go. Hanna was maybe the most stubborn out of the group. Maybe after Alison herself.

"It's nothing."

"Nothing? You just raced out of the kitchen like your ass was on fire and Spencer followed you like she was the fireman with a hose."

Emily would have probably chuckled if she wasn't so damn.. frustrated. Lorenzo had gotten under her skin again. She couldn't help herself from leaving. The way he fell all over Alison was the most annoying thing Emily had ever witnessed in her life. She had barely gotten a word in to the blonde before Lorenzo waltzed up to shower her with compliments.

"Em, c'mon. What's going on? This is about Ali?"

Emily wanted to shake her head no but she couldn't. It was about her. It seemed like a lot of things always ended up being about Alison.

"Lorenzo just struck an old nerve," Emily admitted. "This is about Lorenzo and Alison?" Hanna questioned.

"Don't say it like that."

"Like what? Like you're not still in love with her?"

"Hanna—," Spencer groaned. "Oh no, we're not doing this again," Hanna cut, "up-stairs. Both of you. Now."

Spencer and Emily shared a look before they marched up the stairs with Hanna behind them. Before Hanna could push them into Spencer's bedroom and lock the door, she had already started.

"First of all, I cannot believe we are back in this place with you Emily. I just can't."

"Hanna, I—,"

"Na uh uh, zip it Fields. I'm not even close to being finished," Hanna cut again. "Em, you're still caught up on Ali. Even after all of this time. How could you possibly still love that girl after you're the one who left her?"

When Emily opened her mouth to respond, Hanna put her hand up. "Don't answer that. Every question I ask is rhetorical until further notice."

Emily slumped back on Spencer's bed while Spencer was sitting in her chair with her head propped in her hand. The youngest Hastings knew that once Hanna Marin was riled up, it would do no good to try to stop her.

"You have nerve to get jealous over Ali. I don't get you. You left her twice, Em. You chose to be with another girl and yet you're still sprung on her. This whole time you let Ali believe that she wasn't good enough for you. None of this makes sense to me. Why would you do this to her? To Victoria? God, Em, even to yourself?"

Emily stayed quiet while Hanna impatiently looked at her, "well?!"

"You told me not to speak!"

Hanna sighed and leaned against the door frame, "the floor is yours."

Emily put her wine glass down on Spencer's bedside table. She didn't trust her hands to hold it steady. "I don't know, Hanna. I don't know what you want me to say. That I'm sorry? That none of that is true?"

"I want to know why."

"Why what?!"

"Why did you cause a mess like this?!"

Spencer stood from her chair once her friends voices began to rise, "okay, I think everyone needs to stop for a second and take a deep breath. You two shouting at each other isn't going to solve anything except for giving me a headache."

Hanna crossed her arms and Emily put her head in her hands. Spencer took a step towards Emily and knelt down beside the swimmer. "It's okay, Em. If you don't want to talk about any of this, it's okay." Spencer flashed her eyes to Hanna, "it's not our business anyway."

Hanna rolled her eyes but stayed quiet. It wasn't her intention to badger Emily until she came clean, but Hanna just didn't understand. If Emily still loved Alison, why was it so hard for Emily to admit it and commit to the blonde like she had before?

"She terrifies me."

It came out so soft that Spencer looked at Hanna and back to Emily just to make sure that Emily had actually spoken.

"Who does? Alison?" Spencer asked, placing her hand on Emily's knee to comfort her obviously shaken friend.

Emily nodded and lifted her head from her hands.

Hanna pulled herself from the door and sat on the bed side of Emily.

"Why, Em? Ali was so head over heels in love with you. How could you be scared of her?"

"Because, Hanna, she can consume you. She can literally take over every cell in your body and make you fall so in love with her that you don't see anything but her. She's intoxicating."

"And that's a bad thing?" Spencer probed.

"I asked Alison to marry me, she said no, and I never allowed myself to understand her reasons why until after Bora Bora. It took me three years and a trip to Bora Bora to get over her rejecting me to understand why she said no that night, even if it still stung that she did. But now, everything is just too far gone. She broke my heart, I broke hers, and then I broke hers again in Bora Bora, and by the time I realized the colossal mistake that I had made, it was too late. Things with Alison and I are too damaged to be fixed and with Victoria things are just so easy. And I love Victoria. I really do. She is.. Victoria is one of the most amazing people that I have ever met in my life. I love her and things with her are just so easy."

Spencer spoke after digesting Emily's words. "I just want to make sure that I'm following you correctly here. Are you saying that you have chosen Victoria because she's less complicated than Ali?"

"No, that's not what I said. I love Victoria."

Hanna shared a look with Spencer before returning her eyes back to Emily, "Em, it kind of is."

Emily shook her head, "no, I—,"

Spencer held on to Emily's knee with one hand, and took Emily's hand with her other. She softly smiled up at the brunette before taking a breath. "We are just going in circles with you and even though I'd love to play Dr. Phil and pick apart your brain right now, we can't stay up here for too much longer without someone coming up here to get us. So I'm going to give you my, more than likely unsolicited, analysis. Okay?"

Emily nodded, allowing Spencer to continue.

"I think you're still in love with Alison. I don't think you have stopped. I see the way you look at her, and I see the way she affects you. You still look at her the way you did when we were fifteen and you were still dating Ben."

Hanna snickered but Spencer didn't allow the blonde to interrupt her.

"I believe you when you say that you love Victoria, but I also believe that you're in love with Ali. We all know that what happened between you and Ali affected the both of you and hurt you in different ways, but you two aren't doomed, Em. I'm not telling you to break up with Victoria and date Alison, but what I am telling you is that if there is any truth to my theory and you do still love Ali, I advise you to follow the path that your heart tells you to, not the safest one. High risk, high reward. Chase love, Em, not easy."

Hanna placed her hand on top of Emily and Spencer's, "alright, that was one of the best Spencer Hastings pep-talks I've ever heard.

Spencer and Emily released a laugh and Emily brought her free hand up to her face to wipe a fallen tear.

"Oh, God, that wasn't supposed to make you cry," Spencer chuckled. Emily smiled and squeeze Spencer's hand, "no, no, it's not a bad cry. Just, thank you, Spence."

Hanna softly nudged Emily, "so, what does this mean? What are you going to do?"

Emily looked down at her hand covered with her friends hands. Maybe it was the wine, but she felt so warm with the love her friends constantly showed her. Emily knew that Spencer and Hanna would only be as straight forward with her because they loved her enough to tell her what she needed to hear instead of what she wanted to hear. And that was what Emily had been doing the past couple of years.

She had found herself settling for what she needed over what she wanted. She found herself playing it safe instead of taking a chance. She stayed in comfort instead of in love. She committed herself to a lovely woman who things were easy with instead of going after a dangerously captivating woman who things somehow became so messy with.

Emily knew what she wanted. She wanted blonde hair, and dazzling blue eyes. She wanted heart-shaped lips that had the sexiest smirk she had ever seen. She wanted dimples and the best laugh she had ever heard.

Emily wanted the woman downstairs.

Emily wanted Alison.