Thursday, 8/24/12, Yasogami High Soccer Field, Mid-Afternoon

" Ow ow ow! "

" Shut it!

"Fuck you!"

"Fuck you back!"

Kanji roared impotently, settling for clenching his fists so hard his knuckles turned egg white. He was still burning with rage after what Yosuke had said, but even at his most animalistic he knew that there were some lines he couldn't cross, and hitting a girl was one of them.

Even if that girl had literally kicked the shit out of him.

One minute he had been pounding on Yosuke, getting out nearly a year's worth of frustration at the older boy constantly wanting to make jokes about Kanji's sexual identity in addition to this recent dust-up with Naoto, and the next he was collapsing to the ground and feeling like his cheek had caved in. It took him a minute to recover and see that Chie had come running in from out of nowhere and laid into him with a devastating roundhouse kick. Kanji always thought that Chie's martial arts "expertise" was really her just making up stuff that she thought looked cool, but the kick was no joke; aside from the shooting pain emanating from his right cheek, he could taste blood secreting from his gums every time he sucked his teeth.

After the rest of the boys left, Chie had marched over, grabbed him by his ear while he was still recuperating, and dragged him out the side door that lead to the soccer field. It must have looked ridiculous - he was at least two heads taller than Chie, and here she was leading him by the ear like he was some stupid kid. The only silver lining was that she had grabbed him by the top of his ear, and not near the lobe where his earrings still dangled. That would have hurt even worse.

Luckily the field wasn't in use, as the soccer club met every other day. In that sense, the plain, open field gave the teens an air of privacy as they walked past the painted lines of the clay turf and toward the center of the pitch. At that point Chie finally relinquished the hold, pushing him by the back of his neck so he stumbled in front of her.

The little detour hadn't exactly done much to quench his bloodlust. "Gah, yer gonna rip my damn ear off!" Kanji shrieked, not caring if the whole world heard him. Of course, screaming made the pain in his jaw and cheek much more noticeable, so he tended to those while Chie chastised him.

"You're lucky if that's the least I do!" she roared back, brushing her nose with her thumb and starting to lightly bounce up and down on the balls of her white and green sneakers. "Get up!"

Kanji could see, through her body language, what she was getting at, but he still couldn't believe it. "What're ya…"

" What're ya," she mocked, doing a goofy fake deep voice, "I'm gonna kick your freakin' ass, that's what !" Suddenly, she came in with a low kick, striking rather hard at Kanji's calf. Again, she was stronger than she looked, and the 2nd year grunted as he tried to shake out the pain shooting up his leg.

"Ah, shit!" he huffed, now circling Chie as she continued to bounce, looking like a tiger ready to pounce. "You dunno what th'hell you're even doin'! That asshole deserved it, so jus'...Butt out!"

Chile let out a sneering chuckle. "Oh- hoho , trust me, I'm sure Yosuke could have used a punch in the face a long time ago, but you took it too far! Besides, that's not why I'm kickin' your ass!"

Now he was even more confused. "Then what - ow! " Another kick, right in the back of his left knee. That one actually made him stumble and put his fists up, and he was starting to seriously consider breaking his one rule if Chie was actually intent on fighting him for real.

"That was for Yukiko , you stupid dick!"

Yukiko . If anything was going to put a dent in the rage Kanji had accrued over the last half hour, it was the equally vicious shame that was simmering deep in his bones. Once she said that, it all made sense: Yukiko had said Chie had helped her get ready for their date, and Chie had sort of hinted that she would hurt him if he messed up back at the shrine. And boy, had he messed up bad . But still, couldn't Yukiko see that he was just trying to protect her from a bunch of needless drama? Maybe if Chie would hear him out, they could come a sort of understanding…

"Ya...Ya don't know everything!" he pleaded, starting to feel his fists uncurl a little bit, "I dunno what she told ya, but-"

" Nothing!" Chie hissed, interrupting him. "She didn't say anything about you, or last night, or anything! " She came in to strike him with a right hand, but Kanji easily moved out of the way and got some distance between them, his longer limbs helpful in this case. His confusion was only getting worse the longer this confrontation went on.

"Then what're you so mad about?!" He asked, throwing his hands up in disbelief, "You don't even know what you're talkin' about, so what th'hell is this?"

At this, Chie actually stopped bouncing as much, taking a more firm stance on the ground as she clenched her fists up even harder. Kanji looked to see that her eyes still contained fury, but there was a genuine emotional anguish in them too.

"You don't know her like I do! When she gets really upset, she totally shuts down, and she's too nice to say bad things about people she cares about! I don't know what you did," she said through gritted teeth, her hands literally shaking from how hard she was making a fist, "but I'll make sure you pay for it!"

This was insane , Kanji thought. Who the hell did she think she was to get in between two people's problems like this? He knew she wanted to be a cop, but he was hoping she wasn't going to be just another pig, looking to tell him how much of a nuisance he was to everyone.

"Shut yer damn mouth!" he screamed, tired of being the only one who cared about how he felt, "I didn't do nothin', I was jus' honest with her! But she's just like everyone else, not givin' a shit about anybody but herself. Same as you, same as Yosuke-senpai, same as all 'o ya!"

This was something he'd wanted to scream from the tallest hill in town for the past month. It felt like Yukiko was the only one in the group who actually cared about him and the weird, messed up thoughts he'd been struggling with, but after last night and how mad she got that he still had some feelings for Naoto, it seemed like it was only about how she felt. Kanji had tried to explain this, but that only made it worse, because he inevitably flew off the handle and hurt her feelings really bad. He'd felt manipulated, toyed with, and then add on top of that, it was looking like Naoto and Yosuke had also been playing him? It was all too much, and even now, he could feel the tears start to well up his eyes and his throat getting choked up.

" Me!? " Chie asked incredulously, "I'm literally here for Yukiko! What the hell are you even -"

Kanji's rage was giving him an odd clarity in his thoughts that was so often missing. " Bullshit! Yer only doin' this 'cause it makes you feel good! You beat up the weirdo guy who had the nerve to tell little Miss Princess to go screw, and yer the fuckin' hero, right!? Doesn't matter how he fuckin' feels, nah, ta hell with that! It's always his fault, right !? Everything ...It's his...It's his fuckin' fault…"

While he was finally feeling like he was speaking his righteous truth, it didn't make it any less painful for Kanji to hear it out loud like this. He felt like such a weakling for being powerless to stop the wave of tears rolling down his cheeks as he relaxed his body and put his hands to his side, biting his lip so at least he wouldn't be sobbing. It didn't stop little pained noises from seeping out his tightly sealed mouth.

Chie was still tensed up, although her confidence seemed to be waning from seeing Kanji clearly so emotional. "Y-you dunno what you're talkin' about!" she barked, her voice far shakier than the booming tone she had started with, "Y-Yukiko's my best friend, I just wanna see her happy, so I...S-she seemed happy hangin' out with you , and…"

"You don't think I know that!?" Kanji snapped, his normally tough voice sounding more like a painful wheeze, "I know what yer gonna say: senpai's the greatest, she likes ya, ya idiot, bla bla bla! I know all that! She's…" he had to take a second to breathe as his nose was getting clogged up, "She's, like, the most amazing girl I ever met, and she's got a good family and everythin'... Why would she fuck all that up with me !? I-if you were smart, you'd be glad I told her off, 'cuz I just saved her bein' made fun of by everybody!"

This revelation finally got Chie to relax a bit. "K-Kanji, that's not what I -"

The longer the conversation dragged on, the more Kanji could feel that sinister urge to fight back boil up from within. Considering he was already emotional and felt like he had nothing to lose, it was an easy choice to make. He still wasn't about to hit a girl, but just like with Yukiko, he knew that the right words could hurt just as much as any punch.

"I knew you were stupid, but I didn't figure ya for an idiot ," he said, which got a desired flinch from Chie, "If ya cared about Yukiko-senpai at all, you'da told her not to go out with me! What were you thinkin'!? You are a part 'o this mess jus' as much as me, but I guess you're too chickenshit ta actually own up to it, huh!?" Chie's face hadn't changed from her hardened glare, but Kanji could see that his verbal assault was cracking her defenses; her whole body was trembling and she clenched her hands into fists again.

He went in for the kill. "At least Yosuke-senpai was honest about not wanting some dumb queer around. Guess you 'n Yukiko-senpai ain't got the guts...Or do ya? Well!? If yer gonna do it, jus'...Jus' do it already!"

As he said this, Kanji dropped to his knees, somewhat lowering himself to Chie's level as he grabbed clumps of the chunky terf in between his fingers and pushed his forehead down to meet them. A half-sob came out of his mouth, and he was already starting to cry so much that gobs of clear mucus were dripping out of his nose and onto the terf as he struggled to find his breath. While he had meant for his words to harm Chie to her core, every word was a razor blade across his tongue and an even worse cut to his soul. He knew this was wrong, to lash out and yell at the people whom he had come to know so well, but he couldn't fight it any longer. The revelations of the past few days had sapped any sort of internal logic out of him, leaving only his instincts, all of which told him that the world was just biased toward him and he was better off alone. Trying to make sense of it all was too exhausting, so why not just burn it all down?

He heard the crunching of something moving across the terf and looked up a little to see that Chie had closed the distance between the two. She was breathing heavily, still trembling as she started down at him aggressively. The girl held up a wobbly fist and reared it back, presumably to sock Kanji in the face. Her breathing got more intense the longer she held that position, as if she, too, was fighting off her instincts. A single tear rolled down her increasingly red cheek and she made no effort to stop it; Kanji couldn't help but take a sick satisfaction in knowing that he had gotten to her.

"C'mon, what are ya waitin' for?" He begged, sitting tall on his knees so she could get a good shot. "Do it. Ya gonna just let me talk all this shit!? C'mon! C'mon you stupid bitch, do it! " he roared, closing his eyes in order to prepare for the attack that was surely coming. He wasn't sure what to expect, but he figured if Chie was even half as good a puncher as she was a kicker, it wasn't going to be pretty. Still, taking shots was something he had spent a while getting good at, so what was one more? He patiently awaited his fate, doing his best to breathe through his runny nose.

And he waited.

And he waited.

Suddenly, a pair of arms snaked across his back and neck, pulling him forward into...Feeling soft and warm? Was she trying to smother him? Puzzled, he opened his watery eyes to see that Chie had in fact crouched down and put her arms around him, resting her chin on his shoulder.

"Wha...W-what's happenin''...?" Kanji mumbled softly, curious as to why he hadn't been beaten to a bloody pulp yet.

"It's a huh-hug, you asshole !" Chie whined, clearly fighting back more tears as she said it, "Juh-just shut up!" She angrily bounced her fists on his back, although it wasn't really painful. "God, yuh-you just don't know when to shut up... "

For a moment, Kanji couldn't even blink. Why? Why did he deserve this grace? Didn't she hear anything he just said? Why couldn't she just play along and let him believe what he wanted?

Losing his grip on his emotions, Kanji didn't know what to do but just sit there and sob into Chie's shoulder, his whole body trembling while Chie held onto him tightly.

Thursday, 8/24/12, Amagi Inn, Mid-Afternoon

Yukiko stepped in front of her bedroom mirror, feeling exhausted and sick to her stomach. From the moment her eyes fluttered open she wished that they hadn't, but she just couldn't fall back asleep no matter what she tried. Except for some trips to the restroom, she hadn't even left her room or changed out of her usual nightwear: a white nightgown that went down to just past the bottom of her thighs and her ruby red silk robe. Her hair, typically so shiny and silky smooth, was lying breathlessly over her shoulder in a hastily wrapped ponytail. She could hardly stand to look at herself, wincing at the puffy eyes, tear-stained cheeks, and chewed-up chapped lips.

At least the crying had stopped, for a little while anyway. Left alone at the festival, Yukiko had been tasked with the unenviable task of either calling Chie to come help her or trying to make it home and hoped no one noticed her sobbing. She just couldn't face Chie, much to her own embarrassment, so she stoically walked home on her own, able to clean off the worst of her smeared makeup while she was still behind the hedge and the purification fountain.

This bravery only lasted until she made it home and into the shower, where she had cried herself senseless, until her chest ached and her throat was raw and scratchy. This continued all through the night, the evidence on the tear-stained pillow and soiled handkerchief next to her futon. Unable to get any sleep, she decided to try and brush her hair out, but what she really wished for, more than sleep, was to just disappear into the aether, freeing her from the responsibility of listening to her silly broken heart.

How could it have all gone so wrong? In the whole week leading up to Wednesday, between picking out the perfect kimono with Chie and getting her hair done, she felt like the luckiest girl in Inaba. It had been awhile since she had allowed herself to feel so confident, and she was relishing in how much she had missed that feeling. To have a date with the boy she had been crushing on at the town's big summer event with her best friend's support was almost too good to be true.

So of course it was.

Kanji had never looked quite comfortable the whole night, but the two had been having such a good time that she thought it was just his nerves, especially since it hadn't exactly been a walk in the park for her either. But, as usual, she was wrong, and Kanji did have something on his mind. One of the things Yukiko had come to admire the most about Kanji was that he clearly didn't have a dishonest bone in his body, and he really didn't hold back.

He said a lot of things that hurt her, but it was his clear pining for Naoto that had stung the most. She had never really gotten to talk with him about what he saw in her, and that mystery was at the heart of why she was so angry. It just didn't make sense : who was there for him when he was at his lowest? Who had actually fought to save his life? And most of all, who was the only one who was going to share the same intense feelings that he had for Naoto with him?

Truthfully, she was as angry with herself as she was with him. It didn't feel good at all to think of Naoto, who hadn't (as far as she knew) done anything to stoke the flames of Kanji's heart, as an enemy. It felt childish, irrational, and, worst of all, selfish.

Growing up in a traditional household, Yukiko had the perils of being needy imprinted in her bones. Self-reliance, according to her mother, was important because being a burden on others was "not what a woman was supposed to be." If she was going to one day run the inn or her household, it was going to take a lot of discipline, and making sure she was well groomed or maintaining steady beauty routines were practices that helped hone that discipline, in addition to being selfless toward strangers.

Even after years of practice, however, it was a hard thing to maintain. All that talk of tradition and values seemed to pop like a balloon any time that her heart was tugged in a particular direction; was it such a bad thing to want to rely on someone else sometimes? Was it wrong to want something, some one for yourself, and pursue it with gusto?

Her brush ran artificially through long streaks of black hair as she tried to remember the good parts about the previous night. Laughing at how Kanji had gotten shaved ice on his face like a snowy beard. Sharing okonomiyaki with him, blushing fiercely as their chopsticks collided over a contested piece. The normally ornery Kanji laughing together with her as they fumbled with a tiny fishing pole to try and hook a goldfish.

But the image most burned into her mind was the rageful, indignant look on his face after she had hit him, his cheek glowing orange in the light of the stone lanterns. She hadn't meant to do something so violent, but she just wanted him to stop : To stop telling her she was a bad person for following her heart, and to stop assuming things he knew nothing about.

More still, she wanted Kanji to stop thinking he was a terrible person. If she had learned anything over summer break, it was that his capacity for kindness and gentility was remarkable. There wasn't a bad bone in his body, as she had known in her heart all along. He just had this armor around him, a shell meant to keep everyone away, and it was proving almost impenetrable, even with his true-self realized.

The even more haunting thing was that he said it himself: he liked her , too. Even in full-on denial mode, he couldn't hide that. But for whatever reason he had this silly hangup about...she didn't even know what , really. And that didn't excuse the things he had said about her, especially the personal insults about her laugh and her shadow.

Yukiko turned to her mirror again and saw that she had gotten rid of most of the tangles in her hair, but the dullness remained. Looking at herself just made her turn away, fighting the tears that were beginning to fog up her sight. In contrast to having her beauty complimented by Kanji at the festival, she could only see the flaws now. Tired eyes, plain hair, and beyond those, a darkness below the surface that swallowed up any chance at a healthy relationship.

Just like it had with Narukami.

Once the seed had been planted in her mind, it festered like a virus. Tears began to run down her cheeks, tracing their way through streaks left by older outbursts. Quickly shuffling back toward her futon, sobs ripped through her sore throat as memories of a time she'd desperately tried to forget clouded her hazy mind…

Tuesday, 5/3/12, Junes Market, Mid-Afternoon

"Hey, Yukiko-san, is something up?"

Yukiko gasped a little, although this was hardly a surprise. Narukami was, if anything, incredibly astute at finding out what lay just beyond anybody's expression, no matter how plain. The two had been at Junes with Nanako, trying to figure out something to cook for the group, who would be getting together later that night at the Dojima home. They weren't having a contest, but Nanako had told Yukiko she felt bad after she heard the guys making fun of her cooking again. Determined, Yukiko offered to cook for everyone to show off her improving skills, but there was a determined group vote on what the meal would be and that she had to be supervised during the cooking.

The group had settled for curry, and as per the agreement, Nanako and Yu had joined Yukiko, making sure she only got ingredients deemed essential to the process. Yukiko felt a tinge of disappointment; wouldn't curry be better served with some flavors like that found in spicy mustard or bean paste? Still, she had relented, and so far the trip had been pleasant. While Nanako looked through the meat on display in the refrigerated shelves, both the third year students were combing through some spices in one of the adjacent isles. It was here that Narukami sprang his question on her.

"U-um...W-well…" Yukiko didn't know the best way to phrase it. Everything during the past week had been so crazy, what with the sudden reappearance of the TV World, that the two hadn't really had any time to talk. And truthfully, Yukiko did have something on her mind regarding...them.

While she was sincere when she said that she was happy for Rise and wished her nothing but the best, Yukiko was still holding on to some feelings regarding Narukami. The two had spent a considerable amount of time together over the past year, sometimes on shopping trips like this, which should have made it easier to just be open about her feelings, yet here she was, completely at a loss for words to say anything.

Part of her knew that there was no good answer to what she sought. She was just aching to know why Yu hadn't taken their friendship to the next level. Yukiko had thought she'd made it pretty clear, even telling him that she wanted to be a woman worthy of him one day when they went to pray at the shrine. Did he just not understand how she felt? Yukiko supposed if that was the case it would be wrong to be upset with him, yet she wasn't 100% convinced that was the case.

It was a very awkward situation, and she struggled to communicate her complicated thoughts. "It's not much, Yu-kun, but...I-I just thought, b-back then, that maybe...Did I…" Her cheeks flushed red, unbearably so, and she found herself turning away from Yu.

"Hey, c'mon," He said gently, taking a step closer, "There's no need to be so nervous. It's just me."

Just him , Yukiko thought sadly. That was the problem, wasn't it? "I j-just wanted to say...you and Rise seem...Very happy together!" Yukiko hoped to the gods above that Yu couldn't tell how forced her smile was towards him.

Yu blinked, his usual reaction at almost anything you could throw at him. He was unreadable in that way. "Oh, thanks! I know it got kind of sprung on everyone, and I know it caused a little bit of trouble…"

Well, if he was going to bring it up, Yukiko thought, then now was fair game to get to the heart of what she wanted to say. "Y-yeah, it did, didn't it? I suppose that was my fault…" It hurt to say it, but Yukiko knew that peace between them was more important than the pain. Now that it was seemingly never going to happen, however, it couldn't hurt to ask a what-if, could it?

"L-like I said, I'm happy for you two. Really! But...D-did you ever, erm, think that we...You know, had a chance at...Being...Together?" Having no experience in this realm, Yukiko wasn't sure if that sounded horribly childish or not. Based on Yu's uncharacteristic sigh and the slow raise of his hand through his neatly coiffed hair, he seemed to have understood her just fine, and it didn't seem like there was anything good headed her way. Right again.

"Er...hrm," he started, a rare flash of hesitation passing through his face. That was bad , wasn't it? "I-I kind of got the feeling that you felt that way, yeah. A-and don't get me wrong, I was flattered, really! I liked spending time with you, and I think it's great that you decided to stay in Inaba and inherit the inn, especially since I know you had to work out a lot of stuff to come to that decision..."

Well, that was certainly nice. But Yukiko knew that wasn't all he wanted to say. "...But?" she asked, the conjunction hanging heavily in the air. Miraculously, the aisle was still abandoned, so only the sounds of the muzak playing through the Junes speakers gave ambience to their conversation.

Another heavy sigh. "Look, before I say anything, I really don't think this means you're a bad person or anything, I just felt like - "

A stab at her heart nearly made her cry out. Somehow she managed to keep a cold composure "Tell me." Yukiko said, feeling it shoot out of her mouth like a bullet. It had been very easy to say she could handle what Yu might say, but if the lump in her throat was any indication, she was fooling herself.

"Y-you remember that time that I ran into you in Okina? And I was with my friend Ai?" He asked, putting a hand on his hip. Yukiko searched her memory and remembered it exactly: she had gone to do some shopping and Narukami happened to be there with another girl. She was quite rude, in Yukiko's opinion, and seemed to be upset that Yukiko had come to say hi. After asking Yu what they were doing, the girl, Ai, took offense, at which Yukiko sternly reminded Ai that she was not addressing her. That was when she suddenly took off, leaving Yukiko and Yu alone, who then turned it into a bit of a fun shopping trip. It was a pleasant memory for Yukiko, so she was curious as to what Narukami meant.

"Y-yes, I do," she answered shakily, "What about it?"

Yu's eyes shifted back and forth before he answered. "Well, we were just out and about, and then you came up, and...it got really weird. I don't know, I just...I didn't understand why you were like that to her. We were just hanging out as friends, but you seemed to turn it into this weird thing about you, and..."

Yukiko furrowed her brow. Was that how it happened? It felt like it had been almost a year ago, so she was having trouble remembering. She didn't much care for the implication that it was a narcissistic move

"I...I don't remember it happening that way," she replied coldly, "B-but surely that can't be the only reason why - "

Yu answered her quickly. "No, it's not the only thing, but I just...I think sometimes you have this tendency to be really intense about certain things, and if you don't get your way then this...I don't even know how to describe it, but… You remember when you said you hoped the inn would close if it meant you didn't have to inherit it? It's like that. Just sort of..."

Yukiko couldn't quite believe what she was hearing. She felt her throat get choked with emotion. "S-so what are you saying!? That I'm just this b-bitter person, a-and that's why you -"

"I didn't say that!" Yu said, putting a hand up defensively, "But I won't lie to you and say that moment didn't make me think of what...a future where you and I were together was like. And...I just didn't want that. I think we're great friends, but I don't think it would have been good...For either of us! You know, if it went further than that…"

She couldn't stop herself. " What didn't you want?" It was a laser beam, concentrated and deadly, aimed right at Narukami. Yukiko did her best to try and focus a glare at her friend, but it was hard to glare when she was also blinking back tears.

Narukami was in a way she had never seen him before: Unsure. Contemplative. Almost...afraid? "- Hrrk - I didn't want it to be like...I was going to be gone in March, so we would have had to try some sort of long-distance relationship. If just me hanging out with a friend upset you so much, how would you handle me being hundreds of miles away, where you wouldn't have a chance to run into me? I know that if you can't control something it really bothers you, so I - "

What!? "I-I'm not controlling!" Yukiko hissed, the first half of the sentence coming out much louder than she had wanted and getting one nearby shopper to quickly peek at the two of them.

"You need to stop trying to twist what I'm saying," Yu answered back harshly. Yukiko felt like he had just plunged a dagger in her heart. "I don't think you're controlling, but I know that you don't like it when you feel like you don't have control. And for now, there's nothing I can do about living outside of Inaba, so I figured that would be really hard for you to deal with. It wouldn't be fair to you, and I...well, I just felt a deeper connection with Rise. I'm sorry."

Yukiko had heard enough. She turned back toward the shelf, putting her back to Yu. She barely recognized her own voice as she addressed him again. "I...see. Well, I appreciate your honesty, Yu-kun. Thank you." Stone cold.

Yu didn't seem satisfied. "Yukiko-san, I know that tone; that's exactly what I meant. You asked me, so please don't - "

"I-I need to look at some other things, so why don't you and Nanako-chan go ahead and check out?" she asked, not even waiting for an answer as she slid past Yu and started walking down the aisle, arms tightly crossed over the red dress she was wearing.

"Yukiko-san, wait !" Yu called out, doing his best to catch up as Yukiko beelined through the various stack-outs and customers walking around with carts. She was going as fast as she could, the click of her black boots against the floor the only thing she focused on as she quickly made her way towards the clothing department, which was in the middle of the store not far from the meat counter. Once there she quickly went to the center construct, where there was a cubicle of sorts that served as dressing rooms for the customers. Yukiko found one that was free and hurried in, shutting and locking the door behind her and taking a seat on the bench.

Once she was alone, the mask she had been wearing for the past minute completely slipped as she buried her face in her hands and started weeping quietly. There were a few gentle knocks on the door, and she thought she could hear the faint sound of Yu's voice, but she ignored them and kept bawling. She wasn't sure how long she was in there, but she stayed long after the knocking had stopped, and when she eventually stopped crying long enough to exit the room, nobody was there to greet her. Yukiko silently walked to the entrance of the store, her head down so no one would see her tear-streaked face.

After exiting out into the cloudy May afternoon, Yukiko started on her way home. She wasn't sure she could bear the thought of going back to Dojima's; indeed, she wondered if she could ever find the strength to look Narukami in the eye again, or even be in the same room as him. She felt even worse that she was ruining a rare time for the whole group to be together, but she just needed to be alone with her feelings for a while.

At least nobody had to worry about getting sick from her curry anymore.

Thursday, 8/24/12, Amagi Inn, Mid-Afternoon…

Since that day, Yukiko had not spoken to or even texted Yu, and she honestly had no idea what she'd even say if she did. He had sent one text to her, trying to summarize what he had said and apologize, but Yukiko read it once and never responded. This presented quite the issue, since he was arriving in a few days for a brief summer visit, and she'd been so busy with Kanji that she didn't even bother to think about a strategy for either avoiding him or confronting him.

Her feelings toward him now were even more complicated. While his pointed and direct criticism of her character had hurt in a profoundly personal sense, it was just as frustrating to see that, like always, he was on to something. Even now, Yukiko could feel the same pangs of jealousy she had felt toward Ai and Rise directed at Naoto. If she were to take it back even farther, it wasn't all that dissimilar from the jealousy she had felt towards Chie, who she saw as strong and unshackled from a responsibility to her family. In that sense, had she really changed at all in the past year?

Part of the reason she hadn't told anyone about what happened with Yu was because she thought it would reveal her to be a total fraud. All of her friends were changing, becoming bolder and more dynamic people with dreams of the future and goals to pursue, and here she was, committed to staying where she began and still suffering from the same old flaws. This situation with Kanji only brought the ugliness back to the surface, which compounded her feeling of weakness.

Most frustrating of all, in spite of all the horrible things he had said, she still wanted to be near Kanji, to feel his weathered but delicate hands gently caressing her hair, or perhaps experiencing his calloused fingers curled up over hers. Most of all, she just wished that he could be there , and she could experience what it was like to feel safe and secure in the presence of someone she really cared for. After all, all she ever wanted was to be liked by the person she liked. Was that such an impossible thing?

It was only a minute before she had worked herself up again. There wasn't any big dramatic sobs this time, but what little tears remained slowly dripped down her face as she sunk back into her pillow, which thankfully kept her pathetic whimpering muffled. She could make out the sounds of her phone vibrating, but she ignored it; the odds were that it was Chie, who had been frantically texting her since last night. She had only given vague answers in response, and didn't feel like elaborating just yet.

Just as she had with Narukami, she thought it was better to be silent about her failure rather than reveal it all and look even worse.

Thursday, 8/24/12, Shirogane Residence, Mid Afternoon

Rage.

Intense. Burning. Familiar. Unwanted. Needed.

Naoto was pacing across her room, breathing heavily, biting her tongue rather hard to try and keep the internal conversation that was happening in her head from spilling out into reality. It was hard enough to control her emotions at the moment; she didn't want to risk what would happen if she tried to give a voice to the lump in her throat.

Leaving Yosuke's house and speeding back home had done very little to calm Naoto down. She felt lucky that her Grandpa and Yakushiji were busy at work in his study when she first walked in, as it would have been obvious from her red eyes that something was wrong. The last time she remembered getting this upset was when she and Rise had their big row back in April, but this still felt a little different. As mad as she had been at Rise, she was still more angry with herself back then, and Rise bore the brunt of that frustration.

Now, her rage had a target. She just couldn't fathom why Yosuke would do this to her, going so far as to break his word that they would have no secrets between them. Naoto realized it could sound childish, but trust was very important to her, and she had revealed to him information that relied upon that trust, things she would have never told anyone else. Did he really think so little of her that he felt the need to keep more secrets from her?

Didn't he care?

She felt embarrassed and ashamed to admit something as shallow as a person she admired not giving back the same intense levels of admiration back hurt her this badly. He was just a stupid, foolish boy, wasn't he? Why did he have this power over her? Even with Narukami, it was her feeling inferior to Rise that brought out the darkest of those feelings; now, she just felt inferior , period.

And why shouldn't she? Her whole life seemed to revolve around cruel burden after cruel burden, a sick cosmic joke that kept on revealing additional layers. She sometimes felt as if two beings existed: Naoto Shirogane , the person she truly believed herself to be, and "Naoto Shirogane," the ill-formed husk that was her avatar into the physical world. One did its best to simulate what it meant to be a normal human being, but was cursed to be resented by the other, a melancholic observer doomed to never see the world outside of the lens of the shell they had been born into.

She had always wondered if this explained how difficult it was for her to not only express her emotions and handle physical contact, but also her gender. It was like the body she used could put forward the illusion of understanding, but somehow it never made it back to the other person the right way. The way most people communicated could be processed by the body and reacted to in the (mostly) proper way, and she was incredibly good at reading the truth in people, but the substance of why people acted the way they did never became clear to her. It made more sense to put forth the persona of a boy as a simplistic measure to deal with her discomfort at being identified as a girl, but the more complicated truth was always hidden away by the voice only she could hear.

In this dual-minded way, she tortured herself with more thoughts of Yosuke. On a mental level, it was easy for Naoto to hate everything about Yosuke: his insidious and disingenuous grin, the cruelty sewn into his particular brand of humor, the fact that he took nothing seriously, and the overflowing libido that dominated his personality. He was a nuisance, and whatever schoolgirl crush she was experiencing needed to be destroyed, lest she just open herself up to more pain in the future. He was not worth the mental energy she was exerting even just hating him.

But for whatever reason, Yosuke didn't abide by the rules. Where there normally was a large disconnect between her body and mind about things like touch and certain emotions, it was always crystal clear with Yosuke. Even he at his most downtrodden and pathetic stirred imposible feelings in Naoto: The smoothness and softness of his hand as it desperately latched, gently, onto hers, interlocking his clammy, sweaty fingers with hers. His swollen, bruised face and scarred eyebrow betrayed the beautiful, almond-colored eyes that were swimming with tears, the same eyes that had bravely stared her down as he confessed to her his true feelings. His voice, normally always lazy yet confident, was creaky and labored while he expressed a deep reliance on her presence, a vulnerability that she was sure he wouldn't show to just anybody. He wasn't perfect, but neither was she, and if she was being honest there were enough times he had made her feel not odd, unloveable, and broken that it would almost be impossible not to feel a certain special connection with him.

In fact, she would be a damned liar if she couldn't admit the way he looked at her with that silly grin made her heart flutter, that the very thought of spending the day with him was enough to make up for a sleepless night fighting off her invasive, oppressive self-loathing. Knowing that there was at least one person in the world who dared to not only know her intimately and personally, but also desire her on a level beyond friendship, gave her hope that she wouldn't be alone as she continued discovering the mystery of herself.

Of course, reconciling this fact with the very legitimate grievances that still existed stifled that euphoria, and her early rendezvous with Yosuke had just added more weight to the grievances. Her natural instincts to protect herself had kicked in, and they were all urging her to stay away from Yosuke so this pain would stop. It made sense, and physically she removed herself from his presence, but her mind could not reconcile so easily with the decision her body had made. Story of her life.

She was getting upset all over again, so she stopped at the edge of her large executive desk and put her hands on it, trying to find her balance as her shaky breathing continued. She prepared to do a simple breathing exercise that would hopefully calm her down a bit when suddenly her cell phone began ringing.

Her first thought was to ignore it, seeing as how there was a highly likely chance it was Yosuke calling to try and soothe things over; she still had no desire to speak with him at the moment. The little grey phone sat there whirring and vibrating for another half second before Naoto dared to look at who was calling: A private number.

The 4th ring had come and gone. Seeing as it was at least not her biggest concern, Naoto snatched the phone from her desk and hit the green answer button, taking a second to take a deep, unsteady breath and clear the cobwebs out of her creaky throat. Using the voice she preferred was pretty routine at this point, but it still required a somewhat conscious effort.

" -Ahem- Shirogane." She droned, all business.

" Shirogane. It has been some time."

Even in her heightened state of emotionality, Naoto knew that this was a serious call just by the voice on the other line. That was the unmistakably cold tone of Mitsuru Kirijo, the CEO of The Kirijo Group. The two had previously worked together back in April, and while "friends" may have been a strong term, Naoto found herself getting along quite well with the enigmatic young woman.

"Kirijo-san. It...It has been some time," Naoto coughed, taking a moment to sit down in her rolling leather desk chair.

"Indeed. I hate to phone you out of the blue like this, but I could use your help." Naoto heard what sounded like the clacking of a keyboard in the background. "We may have had a breakthrough in deciphering the mess with Labrys back in April. It seems that the Shadow Operatives were not the only unofficial organization in the Kirijo Group with interest in Labrys. I have leads, but it is difficult to act on them without a mess of red tape. As such, I'd like to request your assistance as part of an independent investigation team I am forming to get to the bottom of this."

Naoto could hardly believe it. Having spent most of the summer in Inaba, she hadn't made much use of her detective skills lately, which always seemed to go hand-in-hand with a lull in her attitude. Mitsuru was a bit of an ice queen, but Naoto found working for her to be rather easy; she was a no-nonsense kind of person, just like Naoto, and she respected results, which Naoto always got.

More importantly, the Kirijo group operated out of Tatsumi Port Island, which was a significant train ride away from Inaba. With all the recent happenings Inaba was starting to feel more like a war zone for Naoto, and getting away for a bit seemed like the best option.

Of course, there were complications to just packing up and leaving, especially now, which Mitsuru seemed to anticipate. "I understand this may be difficult - it has been brought to my attention that you are rather dedicated to your schooling, and I'd need you here beginning the 1st of September and for at least a few weeks after that. Please don't feel pressured to accept, but I must stress that you had my highest personal recommendation, and that your skills -"

"Y-Yes!" Naoto nearly yelled, feeling that if she didn't say it now she could be talked out of it. Getting lost in work somewhere far away seemed like the only response that could save her from this current cycle of agony.

" Yes? You will?"

"Yes, I...I have been...Eager to work with you again." It wasn't exactly a lie, but Naoto felt dirty hiding her real reasons behind this sentiment, even if it was mostly true.

" C'est magnifique !" Mitsuru exclaimed with excellent French, a peculiar habit Naoto had noticed back when they worked together previously. "You have my utmost thanks, Shirogane. I will have someone contact your Grandfather to help arrange your travel. As I said, you will most likely be arriving here September 1st. I'll give you a briefing myself and introduce you to the team. We'll talk more then. Au revoir."

"G-Goodbye, Kirijo-san…"

-Boop-

The line disconnected, and Naoto set the phone down, almost completely drained from holding in her emotions for even one conversation. She was so relieved at getting this sudden excuse from the Gods to get away from what was causing her so much grief, but at the same time there was an even greater feeling of shame for wanting to leave without resolving the issue. She realized full well that this could possibly make the divide with Yosuke worse, but she didn't know what to do. It just seemed easier to take this offer and go away for awhile, and hope that it would be easier when she got back.

Her gaze suddenly turned to her nightstand, and almost immediately hot tears filled her eyes to the brim. On the stand she had set Squirt, the little puppy doll that she and Yosuke had won out of the crane game in Okina, and next to him was the roll of photos that they had taken subsequently in a nearby photo booth with their newly won prize. Yosuke's handsome face and wonderful grin brought back a flood of memories from that day: Revealing a bit about her dysphoria to him, Yosuke showing her how to play the arcade game, and the moment that their hands touched as they conquered the crane game together. It wasn't a big smile, but Naoto's expression in that photo was of a very genuine happiness that came from starting a day off rotten but having a wonderful friend who could make her forget that ugly start.

Unfortunately, it only took a moment for the cruel reality of what had transpired earlier to render all of those feelings inert and cold, a fireplace still smoldering from the remains of a passionate flame. She staggered over to her bed and sat for a few seconds before reaching for Squirt, hugging him tightly to her chest as tears slowly fell down her face and onto his fur. In just a week's time she would be leaving, but until then, she barely felt like she could move away from the position she was in now. It had been easier lately to feel cathartic in releasing her emotions, but this felt like it did a year ago, where she'd have an outburst and never feel any relief, just more emptiness and doubt. The pain was familiar, but now it came with the knowledge that she was running away from a person who had made her feel worthy of things that she never dreamed of: love and validation.

8 days, she thought. She just had to survive for 8 more days. She hoped Yu and Rise could forgive her; not even the excitement of their visit could lull her out of her intended hermitude.