Ride or Die

by Sassy Lil Scorpio

Shane and Andrea leave Rick's group, determined to make their own way. Their encounters put them to the test of what it really means to depend on each other for their survival. In time, they find shelter with a brutal group of survivors run by a man wielding a barbed wire baseball bat. Will they finally obtain the peace they long for? {Canon Divergence} {Shandrea}

17. Face to Face

Face to Face

Wake…from your sleep
The drying of your tears
Today we escape…we escape

Pack…and get dressed
Before your father hears us
Before all hell breaks loose

"Exit Music (For a Film)" by Radiohead

Shane stood on the car roof, staring ahead at the RV that had come to a complete stop in the road.

He was surrounded by over thirty Saviors. Several were next to him, also standing on jeeps and cars parked alongside the one he stood on. Some Saviors sat on the vehicles' trunks, while the rest stood on the ground. Everyone was armed and wouldn't hesitate shoot or bludgeon the people in the RV. Shane watched as the RV remained in place. Rick and whatever friends he had now were trying to figure out their next move. They couldn't go through and there was no way around. Shane's group was the largest one to block the roads leading to The Hilltop. Shane had wanted to make sure he was part of it, but now that it was actually happening, everything felt strange. He wondered if Rick were to come out of the RV…would he approach him? Would he talk to him after all this time? Would it be like old times again when they were brothers and best friends? What if Carl was in the RV? The questions raced in his mind as he watched the RV back up until it was gone. He heard his walkie-talkie crackling and then Negan's voice, eager and angry all at once.

"Is he getting fucking closer?"

Shane took out the walkie-talkie. "He is…jus' give it more time. He'll get there soon enough."

"Fucking fantastic."

The walkie-talkie cut off and the rest of the men looked to Shane for what to do next. Pointing up the road, Shane directed the Saviors.

"Spread out an' when we get the word, we're gonna meet with everyone else." The men trudged down the road while several of them stayed behind. Shane turned to them. "Bring the cars to where Negan wants us to meet."

While the rest of the Saviors got in their vehicles, Shane wondered about Andrea. They had broken their kiss just before Negan invited himself into their apartment. Andrea had whispered she needed to tell him something important. At that exact moment, Negan came in holding Lucille on his shoulder and he knew it was time to join the rest of the Saviors in blocking the roads. Before he left, Shane had handed Andrea her walkie-talkie. He had gave it to her days before when they weren't speaking. Not once had she radioed him and he knew why: he had pushed her away and treated her with contempt when she didn't agree with Negan's vengeful approach to dealing with Rick. He ignored her even when she was sick again; and at times, he was so furious with her for defending Rick, that he could do nothing except stare her down with utmost hatred.

Shane regretted all his actions and he wished he had never told her that he should've left the farm without her. He was cruel to throw that in her face and the pained shock in her eyes spoke volumes. He had left her standing in the apartment by herself and refused to allow her to reach out to him during the meeting. It wasn't until she told him that he was close to losing himself that he finally listened to her. Something broke inside him when she told him that and he saw the Andrea he had fallen in love with…

Andrea loved him enough to be honest and tell him the truth about himself—even when he didn't want to hear it. Andrea had listened to him and backed him up when they were on the farm. Andrea had held Haley at gunpoint if it meant The Governor would free them. Andrea had listened without judgement when he finally opened up about his troubled relationship with Lori, what he had done to Otis…and what he came close to doing to Rick. Andrea had helped him get through a herd of walkers. Andrea had urged him to let go of his past and forgive himself. Andrea had visited him every day while he recovered from the Saviors' gang beating.

He still loved her and would do anything to show her he did—and that meant following through on what he told her earlier: they would leave the Saviors for good.

oOo

Andrea stood on The Sanctuary's roof, watching the sun go down. Laura had appointed her as look-out for the late afternoon and early evening. For whatever reason that was impossible to explain, the sun had a mind of its own and decided to set very slowly. Maybe it was because of the mix of relief and excitement bubbling inside her, as well as the fear that Shane's plan wouldn't work. She had to believe and hope for the best—in less than twenty-four hours, they would free themselves of Negan's violent tyranny.

She thought about their last exchange and was glad that Shane had finally listened to her—that she had been able to get through to him. Shane was trapped in a downward spiral and Andrea hadn't been exaggerating when she told him that living in The Sanctuary brought out the worst in him—just as being in Woodbury brought out the worst in her. Watching him go from well-intentioned and hot-headed to cold-hearted and outright vicious was an awful experience she never wanted to repeat again and she was certain he didn't either. In the past week, Shane has become unrecognizable to her. Today, she saw and experienced the Shane she knew so well. She hadn't lost him forever, and more importantly, Shane hadn't lost himself forever.

Now she wanted to leave the Saviors before either of them had second thoughts or doubts.

It was time to initiate the plan they had discussed briefly: gather as many supplies as possible and put distance between themselves and Negan. Because Negan had arrived in their apartment right after, they hadn't been able to come up with a fool-proof plan of escaping with their lives. It was simply: get supplies, wait for Shane to return, and leave The Sanctuary as soon as possible. Based on what Andrea knew about Negan's plot to corner Rick's group, she had a small span of time—a few hours—to get her and Shane ready. When he returned, they would run away and never look back. This elopement would be the riskiest and most dangerous they had ever undertaken. Hershel and Rick didn't come after her and Shane—and even if they did, she never knew about it. Even The Governor and his top lieutenants, Merle and Martinez, had finally let them go, but she was certain Negan and Simon would kill them.

After giving one last look around at The Sanctuary's perimeter, Andrea found the door that led to the inside of the building. Opening it slowly, she made sure to keep quiet as she knew the place she needed to find was several levels down in The Sanctuary. Several minutes later, she reached the first floor. Andrea was about to go down to the basement so that she could find the armory. She needed to get guns and ammunition for her and Shane, but it hit her that she needed to get something else before stocking up on firearms…

Andrea traced back her steps and ended up on the second floor of The Sanctuary. No one was around as she approached the door to Dr. Carson's office. She opened the door quietly and slithered inside, making sure not to be seen or heard by any Savior that had been assigned to remain in the building. Rifting through his supplies, she hoped to find a pregnancy test…all she needed was one. She needed to get a solid answer for the question that plagued her. Before Shane had left with Negan, she had wanted to tell him, but she couldn't. Not with Negan standing there. Now she had to figure this out on her own and prepare to tell Shane the possible outcome: that she was carrying his child. There was no telling how he'd respond to the news that she was pregnant. Even if it turned out she wasn't (which she hoped for), he had to know.

They both did…

Frustrated, Andrea opened and closed drawers. Didn't women in The Sanctuary get pregnant? Michelle had gotten pregnant; either she knew instinctively, took a pregnancy test, or was aware of the signs from previous experience. Then her hand closed on an item. Andrea sighed in relief when she picked up the box: Clearblue pregnancy test. Shoving it in her pocket, she just had to grab two bottled waters, some food items, guns, ammo—then she and Shane would be set to go.

She was at the door when she decided to go back and grab one more pregnancy test.

oOo

Night had fallen. Shane looked up at the black sky and found it unusual that he couldn't see the stars. Any other night, he had seen them, but tonight was different. It was slightly foggy and the air felt muggy. Looking around, he saw that the rest of the Saviors had already parked their cars and pick-up trucks. They were scattered around the clearing and behind trees, while some still exited from their cars. Shane was surprised to see the same RV that he and his group had blocked earlier. Kneeling in front of it was a stocky man with a mullet and fresh bruises and blood smeared on his face. Shane would've laughed at the man's hair if it weren't for the fact that the man was violently trembling.

"Who's this stupid lookin' asshole?" Shane asked, gesturing at the man.

The man glanced at him and then turned away as though afraid of turning to stone as a consequence for looking directly at Shane. He nearly jumped out of his skin when Simon tapped him on the head with a clenched fist.

"Picked him right up when he was driving the RV by himself," Simon answered for the man. "Guess that means Rick and friends will be here real soon."

"Eu—eu—Eugene Po—" the man stammered and instantly silenced when Negan joined in, stepping between Simon and Shane.

"Tonight will be a night to fucking remember," Negan said, grinning. "This unlucky fucker wasn't the first one we found. We'll call him Mullet-Man."

He went over to where Dwight's van was parked. Shane noticed the backdoors were riddled with bullet holes.

"We got four of Rick-the-Prick's friends in there, Dwight captured them—they were easy to catch."

Shane tried to see into the dark van. He could barely make out four people: two women and two men huddled together in the back. They looked like they would try to stay in the back of the van, but Shane knew every single one of them would be dragged out at the right time. He turned away from the van and saw Dwight carrying a crossbow. The crossbow had to be Daryl Dixon's—he was the only person Shane knew of that used a crossbow—and Daryl hadn't crossed his mind in a long time. Not since running into Merle at Woodbury. He was about to ask about it when he heard leaves crunching and twigs snapping. It sounded like a group of people were making their way towards them. As Shane listened closer, he thought he heard a male voice talking. It wasn't too far off and Shane noticed a broad grin spread across Negan's face.

"We can do anything 'cause we'll do anything we need to do. We have and we will. What happened to Denise, I'm not gonna let anybody die like that again."

Shane tried to place the voice, but he didn't recognize it. It sounded like a young man. Maybe Carl? He turned to see Negan's ghastly grin evolve into a cold smirk.

"Places, everyone. You better be on fucking point when they get here."

Shane watched as Negan headed to the RV and seconds later came a voice he instantly recognized:

"Son."

Negan raised Lucille into the air like a composer holding his baton, ready to lead a world-renowned orchestra. He never turned around as he entered the RV. The moment he shut the door behind him the Saviors started whistling on cue. Before he could question what he was doing and what was soon to happen, Shane joined the chorus of eerie whistling and waited patiently for the prey to walk right into the trap set for them.

oOo

In the armory, Andrea opened her duffle bag, ready to steal whatever she and Shane needed. She scanned the shelves and saw two flare guns next to a red-handled machete that looked like the same one Joe wielded—Joe who had robbed her and Shane of their Hyundai and supplies. She found the firearms she and Shane had brought with them when they had snuck to The Sanctuary. A sad smile flashed across her face when she held up Sweet Piece. Shane's Glock 17, Lock 'Em Up, was right next to hers and she swiftly put both guns in the bag. As she checked the shelves, she was able to find Shane's Mossberg 590 and gathered three boxes of ammo. Even their edged weapons that they had originally taken when leaving the farm were in the armory—the Fixation Bowie and seal SOG knife. Andrea took the two flare guns, the red-handled machete, along with hers and Shane's guns and knives and shoved them in the duffle bag. She had also stolen food supplies: two bottled waters, a jar of peanut butter, three cans of diced tomatoes, a can of chicken soup, and a box of chocolate chip cookies were stashed inside.

Andrea approached the armory's closet to see what else she could take. Upon opening the door, she was surprised to find a roadmap taped on the other side showing the major routes of Virginia, Maryland, and Washington D.C. Andrea pointed at the black dot that had been made on the map (she knew it was The Sanctuary) and traced it to Alexandria and then Maryland. Maryland… She remembered Jesus telling her and Shane that they were in Virginia… We're so close, Shane. Andrea carefully removed the roadmap from the door and rolled it up, placing it in the duffle bag. Shane would make good use of it. Time to get the hell out of here, she thought as she left the armory and locked the door behind her. She started down the hallway and bumped into Laura. Startled, Andrea quickly covered up her shock and put on a flat expression.

"What're you doing in here when you're supposed to be out there?" Laura pointed at the ceiling, indicating Andrea was supposed to be on The Sanctuary's rooftop.

"I could ask you the same question," Andrea shot back.

She shifted so that her sniper rifle was pressing against her back. It reminded Andrea of the hatred that had radiated from Laura when Negan made it known that she would give shooting lessons next week to the rest of the female Saviors. You've come a long way, darlin'. Hearing Shane's voice comforted her. Laura could hate her all she wanted—Andrea knew that by next week, she'd be far away from The Sanctuary. Laura, Arat, and Regina would have to learn how to improve their shooting skills on their own. All three female Saviors didn't take kindly to Negan's demand that Andrea teach them and Andrea didn't want anything to do with them. With Paula, Molly, and Michelle gone, she had no desire to make friends with any more Saviors—but that didn't mean she wanted to get on their bad sides. Better to remain neutral and not allow herself to be easily intimidated.

Both women stared each other down.

Andrea didn't move and was relieved when Laura finally let up and walked past her. The entire time, Andrea remained expressionless so as not to give herself away. When she was certain Laura had turned the corner down another hallway, Andrea went back up to the roof—just to play it safe. By the time she had reached the roof, it was dark outside. The black night stretched out in front of her and after a few minutes, she left and went straight to her and Shane's apartment. Locking the door behind her, she dropped the duffle bag on the floor and pulled out the bottled water. She quickly opened the bottle and swallowed the water. After taking a deep breath, Andrea knew she was ready. She took out the pregnancy test and waited. It wouldn't take long to find out the truth, but she knew it would be some time before Shane returned…

oOo

Watching Rick Grimes run into the clearing with his group—only to be surrounded by the largest gang of Saviors—was like sitting on the edge of your seat when watching a horror movie on the big screen. Shane was thoroughly entertained. Several of the Saviors' vehicle's headlights shone on them like escaped inmates that had been spotted by a prison's searchlights. Shrill whistling flooded the night air and more Saviors came through the forest, enclosing Rick and everyone who was with him. Shane thought he saw Carl Grimes trying to shield his eyes from the high beams. The only way he was able to tell it was Carl was the Stetson hat. He stood amongst a group of Saviors on the far left side of the clearing and noticed Rick was carrying a stretcher on one end while a tall military-looking red-headed man carried the other end. A sickly woman lay on the stretcher and two other people were with them holding out their guns, but Shane could tell they were stunned by how many Saviors were present. They were trapped and outnumbered…and he planned to enjoy what was to come in the next hour. He watched Simon approach Rick.

"Good, you made it. Welcome to where you're going!" Simon sounded glad to see them and his demeanor quickly turned sinister. "We'll take your weapons." He took out his Smith & Wesson M&P and aimed it straight at Carl. "Now."

"We can talk 'bout—"

Shane almost burst out laughing when Rick blubbered about wanting to talk—especially since Simon had informed him and Negan earlier how Rick had arrogantly refused to give up when he was offered the opportunity to do so. Simon had met Rick and his group on the road after capturing a renegade Savior. Of course, Rick had decided he wouldn't make any deals with Simon, but he had no idea that he was leading himself and his group into a trap. Now he wanted to talk. You always wanna talk things out, Rick. Ain't gonna work this time.

"We're done talking," Simon cut Rick off. "Time to listen."

Several Saviors came forward and snatched the guns from Rick's group, rendering them completely helpless. Rick couldn't see Shane's cold grin when the Saviors disarmed him. Rick was crippled now and Shane knew it would only get better from here. Someone's takin' the gun out of your hands, Rick, how do you like that? For an instant, he imagined himself taking Rick's Colt Python and Rick staring at him in shock when he realized his best friend was part of the group that he had gunned down. What he would give to see the extreme surprise on Rick's face…but Shane wouldn't chance it. As much he wanted to gloat in Rick's face, it was better to not draw attention to himself. He watched as Simon stepped over to Carl and started taunting him.

"That's yours, right?" Simon removed a gun from inside Carl's shirt and ticked his finger at Rick's Stetson hat. Shane knew it was a Springfield Armory TRP with a wooden carving of Lucille on it. "Yeah, it's yours." Grinning, he turned to the rest of Rick's group that remained frozen in place. "Okay, let's get her down and get you all on your knees. Lots to cover!"

Shane was glad that Carl carried a gun to protect himself—even if it didn't belong to him. As he remembered being on Hershel's farm and handing Carl a gun, he heard Simon's false upbeat tone. He thought Simon sounded too cheerful and was glad that the tall red-headed military man stopped the Saviors from approaching the stretcher, after insisting he and his friends would take care of it themselves. Simon gave them that tiny ounce of grace. Rick's group gently lowered the stretcher and Shane was surprised to see Rick and the military man bring over a sickly Maggie Greene. Just as he was getting over his shock at seeing this pale and sweaty version of Maggie, one of the Saviors yanked up Mullet-Man and forced him to join Rick's group on their knees. Rick was still standing and Shane was glad that Simon reminded him that he needed to assume the position:

"Gonna need you on your knees."

Seeing Rick Grimes forced to his knees with perspiration dripping down his face and trembling in terror was a sight to behold. His best friend in high school—this couldn't be the same man that had broken into the Satellite Outpost and gunned down all his men…and yet it was. The same man who was once his partner when they were sheriff deputies was now a cold-blooded killer about to receive his comeuppance. A wide cold grin spread across Shane's face. He would be lying to himself if he felt sorry for Rick and for the bloodshed that was soon to take place. Truthfully, he couldn't wait for it to happen. Simon called out to Dwight, ripping Shane's attention away from Rick.

"Chop-chop!" Simon called out as Dwight made his way to the front of the Saviors and approached the van.

Dwight yanked open the van's doors and greeted the prisoners. "Come on, you got people to meet!"

Shane suppressed his astonishment when he saw who Dwight dragged out. Daryl Dixon, whom he hadn't seen since leaving the Greene farm, was the first prisoner to be yanked out. He was covered in a blanket drenched in his own blood. Shane immediately recognized Michonne; she was pulled out by her arm, followed by a young Latina woman he had never seen. Questions with no answers swirled in his mind when he saw Michonne forced to kneel with the rest of the group. How did she find Rick?! Dwight grabbed the last prisoner from the van who struggled to free himself—Glenn Rhee. Shane remembered meeting Glenn at the Atlanta camp when the outbreak first started. Dwight threw down Glenn on the ground, who now looked up in shocked relief at his group of friends lined up and forced on their knees.

"Maggie?"

Shane's eyes narrowed to slits as glared at the emotional exchange between Glenn and Maggie. He was glad that Dwight ordered Glenn to get on his knees. Glenn did as he was told, but he'd crawl over to Maggie if given the chance to do so. Shane sized up the entire group now, recognizing some faces from his past and some whom he didn't know: Glenn was distraught, the young Latina woman appeared emotionless, Daryl was a bloody mess, Michonne maintained a stoic demeanor, the tall red-headed military man never wavered, Maggie kept leaning over like she'd vomit any second, a terrified and shivering Rick kneeled at the center, a young black woman stared straight ahead as though hypnotized, a young white man with curly hair who looked like he'd rather be anywhere else, an older version of Carl who now wore bandages over one eye, and Mullet-Man who would burst into tears if a fly landed on him. With the exception of Carl, Michonne, Glenn, Maggie, and Daryl, Shane had contempt for everyone he didn't recognize. These are the shitty friends you hang with now, Rick?

"All right! We got a full boat," Simon couldn't keep the glee out of his voice. "Let's meet the man!" He knocked on the RV's door summoning the Saviors' leader.

Negan made his grand entrance as he stepped out of the RV, carrying Lucille on his shoulder.

"Pissing our pants yet? Boy, do I have a feeling we're getting close." He started at the end of the line where "Mullet-Man" was kneeling and pointed at the group as he strolled in front of them. "Yep. It's gonna be pee-pee pants city here real soon. Which one of you pricks is the leader?"

Watching Negan approach the kneeling group gave Shane a sense of déjà vu—except it wasn't an illusion of a past memory being re-experienced. Not too long ago, he and Andrea were in the same position when Negan and the Saviors invaded The Hilltop. Shane remembered what happened to Rory and Andrea's voice rang through his mind: were you listening to him that day? He would've preferred to do it when Rory was alive— that's what he does! Shane's jaw tightened. He didn't want to be reminded of Andrea's fear of Negan murdering anyone in Rick's group with Lucille. As harsh as it sounded, Shane was glad Andrea wasn't there. He shoved away that memory along with many others he had of Rick, Lori, and Carl. Better to bury those memories so that he could focus on the here-and-now. At that same moment, Simon pointed out Rick.

"It's this one. He's the guy."

Negan sighed, but Shane noticed there was something prematurely victorious in the way he turned to Rick now. Negan had Rick's group in the palm of his hand…and he had every intention of squeezing the sanity out of them tonight.

"Hi. You're Rick, right? I'm Negan. And I do not appreciate you killing my men. Also, when I sent my people to kill your people for killing my people, you killed more of my people. Not cool. Not fucking cool. You have no fucking idea how not fucking cool that shit is, but I think you're gonna be up to speed shortly."

Shane glared hatefully at Rick. You shoulda stayed dead in that hospital. Without Andrea around, he could think freely. She wasn't there to confront him on how he had once loved Rick. He wanted to block out Andrea whenever she started down that path of reasoning—even though he knew she was right. That said, he didn't care about the rest of the group. Right now, the only one he was focused on was Rick. Everyone else, even Carl and Michonne, faded into the background as he honed in on the man he had once loved as his brother and best friend. Even from where he stood, Rick's extreme terror was easily noticeable. Shane could see his body shaking and the sweat gleaning on his skin. He was glad he had a front-row seat to witness Rick's downfall. Meanwhile, Negan continued his triumphant monologue…

"You are so gonna regret crossing me in a few minutes. Fuck yeah, you are. You see, Rick, whatever you do, no matter fucking what, you don't mess with the new world order. And the new world order is this, and it's really very simple. So, even if you're fucking stupid, which you very may well be, you can understand it. You ready? Here goes. Pay attention." Negan held Lucille directly in Rick's face. Rick's eyes left Negan and focused on the barbed wire baseball bat. "Give me your shit—or I will kill you."

Negan now made his way down the line to where Glenn was kneeling on the other end. His speech was already familiar to Shane: you work for me now, you have shit, you give it to me, that's your job… It was the same as that day at The Hilltop when Jesus and Gregory were forcefully made aware that they were no longer an independent community, but that they were now under Negan's heel.

"You ruled the roost. You built something. You thought you were safe. I get it. But the word is out. You are not safe. Not even fucking close. In fact, you are fucked—more fucked if you don't do what I want—and what I want is half your shit. If that's too much, you can make, find, or steal more, and it'll even out sooner or later."

Shane grinned at the thought of Negan and the Saviors bleeding Rick's group dry of all their supplies. Everything Negan said made Shane thrilled—Rick would be forced to face the consequences of his actions. Negan was on the same wavelength as him as he continued to walk in front of the group.

"This is your way of life now. The more you fight back, the harder it will be. So, if someone comes to your door, you fucking let us in! We own that fucking door! You try to fucking stop us—we'll fucking knock that fucker down."

Rick's eyes were glued to Negan, as were the rest of the group's.

"You understand?" Negan checked to make sure Rick was getting the full picture. Rick stared straight ahead and Shane had to stifle raucous laughter when Negan mockingly held his hand to his ear and leaned over as if trying to hear Rick's response. "What, no answer?"

Negan was building everything up, putting on a show for the Saviors and for Rick's group to show them he meant business.

"You don't really think that you were gonna get through this without being punished, now, did you? I don't want to kill you people. Just want to make that clear from the get-go. I want you to work for me. You can't do that if you're dead, now, can you? I'm not growing a garden."

To Shane, Rick's punishment was long overdue. As far as he was concerned, whatever happened tonight was more than deserved. It was justice for his men that Rick's group had killed at the Satellite Outpost and for Andrea's group. Although Negan made it clear that he didn't want to kill Rick's group—that he wanted them to work for him—it was still just deserts. Instead of Rick being in charge, Negan would be in charge of him. Rick wouldn't call the shots anymore. Nope. Negan would tell Rick how high to jump and he would obey without question. Then Negan said what Shane had been waiting to hear the entire night—and what he knew Rick absolutely dreaded:

"You killed my people, a whole fucking damn shitload of them. More than I'm comfortable with. And for that, for that you've gotta fucking pay. So now…" He paused and leered at the entire group at his mercy. "…I'm gonna beat the holy fuck fucking fuckity fuck outta one of you."

Finally, we're gettin' down to it, Shane thought as Negan now brandished Lucille.

"This—this is Lucille, and she is awesome." Negan held Lucille lovingly, showing her off to the group.

Shane noticed Rick's face dropped so that he was staring at the dirt, while Glenn looked both morbidly curious and afraid as he watched Negan. The Latina woman's eyes were glazed over and the young black woman quickly looked away when Negan came by with Lucille.

"All this…all this is just so we can pick out which one of you gets the honor."

Negan strutted in front of the group while everyone looked on, shuddering, teary-eyed, and speechless at the stark reality that at any moment, one of them would come face-to-face with a violent death while the rest of their friends were forced to witness it. Shane watched as the red-headed military man rose halfway up as though daring Negan to use Lucille on him right then and there.

"Hmph! Ugh, I gotta shave this shit." Negan felt his beard while still walking in front of the line, trying to decide who should "have the honor" of being Lucille's victim.

For the first time since Rick's group had been captured, Shane felt a shred of sympathy as he acknowledged the group's inescapable fate. Maybe it was because Negan mentioning "one of you gets the honor" made the whole situation nightmarish. What was going to happen in the immediate future was all too real now. Someone's death was imminent—but he still didn't want to feel sorry for any of them.

Nor did he want to go into overprotective mode as he had done before—especially when it came to Lori and Carl. He remembered Lori telling him that she and Carl were no longer his problem… You're no longer my problem…he told so, Shane kept stealing glances at Carl who remained unmoving in his kneeling position and then at Michonne who was situated on the other end of the lineup. He had loved Carl as his own son and Michonne had been a good friend to him in Woodbury. Shane tried to push those thoughts away, but they were already taking root in his mind. They were the only two, aside from Rick, that Shane personally knew. Well…there was also Glenn, Maggie, and Daryl.

Carl had grown up a lot since Shane had last seen him. He wondered how much time had passed from the time he and Andrea left the farm. How long had it been? It had to be more than a year, maybe more. Carl looked like he was a teenager now and the bandages on his eye was unsettling. Shane wondered if surviving in this new world made a person—even a child—age faster. He knew he'd never find out what was behind Carl's eye injury. Rick looked like he had lived ten lifetimes—he had aged from when Shane last saw him. His hair was longer now and there were streaks of gray. Michonne looked the same as though she hadn't aged a day. Her expression remained impassive as she watched Negan walk up and down the line. When did she meet Rick? The question popped in his mind and vanished when he glanced at everyone else. Glenn still came off as naïve, but more protective of Maggie. Daryl's hair had grown long and he looked like he hadn't bathed in a week. Maggie looked pale and sickly as though she had been seriously ill and bedbound for an entire month.

The rest of the group—Shane had no idea who they were, nor did he care. He just took notes of their appearance: the man at the end next to Carl had a mullet which is why Negan gave him the silly nickname "Mullet-Man". A young Latina woman knelt between Glenn and Daryl. The tall red-headed man had a tough expression on his face that never changed; he was situated between Maggie and Michonne. There were two other people—a young black woman with her hair pulled back and a young white man who appeared to be the same age as her. Both were kneeling between Rick and Carl.

Carl.

Negan stopped in front of Carl.

In an instant, his second nature to protect his best friend's son washed over him. Shane thought he had squashed it, but it rose inside of him and pushed itself to the forefront of his mind. Negan had better not harm Carl. If he did, Shane would be more than tempted to jump out and kill Negan himself. No one was allowed to harm Carl! Without wanting it to happen, Shane found himself breaking away from his cold mindset that said Rick's group would get what they deserved—to actually acknowledging that Negan was intentional: he was going to kill someone before the night was over. Their death would be violent, bloody, and excruciating. It could be anyone and Shane wouldn't blink—but it had better not be Carl.

"You got one of our guns." He knelt down in front of Carl now, clearly impressed. "Whoa—you got a lot of our guns."

There was an awful tense silence and even from where he stood, Shane could see Carl glaring furiously at Negan.

"Shit, kid, lighten up. At least cry a little."

Negan chuckled as he rose to his feet. He strolled down the line, scanning the faces in front of him. He stopped in front of Maggie now. Shane admitted to himself that he had no emotional ties to Maggie since he had never gotten along with her father, Hershel. In fact, it wasn't an understatement to say that they hated each other after he busted open the barn, leading to all the walkers being permanently put down. He had accused Hershel of knowing that Sophia was in the barn the entire time. Furious at his accusations, Maggie had slapped him. That was the last interaction he had with her.

Seeing this pale and sweaty version of Maggie cowered over made Shane feel an ounce of compassion for her. It surprised him because he didn't expect to feel anything for Maggie Greene. He wasn't sure why he did. Was it because he didn't want Negan to use Lucille on a woman? Maybe it had to do with her and Glenn being together. Although he swore that Carl was the only one off-limits, Andrea's voice crept back into his mind. She had insisted that murderous revenge wasn't what Shane really wanted…and a tiny part of him was beginning to believe she was right….because now Carl wasn't the only one off-limits. Maggie was off-limits now. Michonne had been a loyal and honest friend to him when he needed it most, so she was off-limits. Shane hadn't yet extended a sliver of mercy to Rick, since now it was reserved for Glenn and Daryl. Glenn was a good guy. Daryl—him and Shane hated each other, but Shane hated Merle a lot more, especially after being tortured by the older Dixon brother in Woodbury. Daryl wasn't completely off the hook—and at the same time, he didn't want Negan to kill him either…

But he wanted revenge! Or was it justice? Were they one and the same? Would watching Negan viciously killing someone in Rick's group satisfy his need for retribution? Shane wondered how Dale would answer these questions. Dale was always the one with the strong moral compass. Although his moral superiority grated Shane's nerves, a part of him respected the older man's staunch nature in keeping true to what he believed in. Dale would be the first to tell Shane that repaying murder with more murder wasn't the answer. He'd beat Andrea to it, but he would certainly side with her against Shane's bloodthirsty behavior. Dale—where's Dale? He scanned the lineup searching for the older man, and at the same time, he heard Hershel quoting scripture from the Holy Bible: "Vengeance is mine says the Lord"… What happened to Hershel? T-Dog? Carol? Where's Lori?! Instead of wondering about their reactions to what was happening, he found himself worried about their absence. Were they dead? Alive? Did they leave Rick's group like he and Andrea did? As the questions tumbled like dominoes in his mind, the shock he was feeling from having thought about them confirmed what Andrea had urged him to believe:

He wasn't Negan.

He craved justice for his fallen men, but was murder the answer? Andrea… Right then, Andrea's face flashed through his mind. Her voice kept growing louder. It reverberated in memories that he kept trying to push down, but they still cropped up like weeds: I want you to be you—even when you go out there tonight. Don't change into a second version of him. Shane closed his eyes, silently willing Andrea's voice to die down. When he reopened his eyes, Negan was standing right in front of Maggie, looking her up and down.

"Jee-suus," Negan said, drawing out the name. "You look shitty—I should just put you out of your misery right now!" Negan started to raise Lucille when Glenn interrupted what would've been a harrowing scene.

"No—no!" Glenn rushed over to where Negan stood with Lucille half raised and fell in the dirt.

In no time at all, Dwight was punching Glenn and Maggie was screaming.

"STOP IT!"

Shane saw tears running down Maggie's face as she begged for Dwight to stop. The rest of Rick's group remained still as they helplessly watched Dwight hold Daryl's crossbow directly in Glenn's face.

"Nope…nope, get him back in line," Negan said as Glenn was dragged back to the end of the lineup, away from Maggie.

Glenn was groaning under his breath and Maggie was hyperventilating. The red-headed military man placed a hand on her back, trying to comfort her.

Negan chuckled as he looked from Glenn to Maggie and then the rest of the group. He was obviously entertained by what had just transpired. Shane wondered how Negan planned to handle Glenn's emotional outburst, since he knew from his own experience how much Negan relished in splitting up couples. His question was soon answered.

"All right, listen. Don't any of you do that again. I will shut that shit down—no exceptions. First one's free. It's an emotional moment, I get it."

Negan's tone was jovial, but Shane knew he wasn't playing around. For some reason, he was reminded of the time Negan told him he would iron his face—if Shane had done to his wife what he did with Lori. For the sake of everyone in Rick's group, Shane hoped that nobody would act impulsively or purely out of emotion the way Glenn just did. He saw Negan standing over Rick now. Rick still stared straight ahead, his face gleaming with sweat as his nerves worked overtime.

"Sucks, don't it? The moment you realize you don't know shit." The hatred in Negan's voice was obvious and Shane allowed himself to enjoy it, while temporarily muting Andrea's voice of reason.

Rick looked up at Negan and Shane noticed Negan smirking in Carl's direction as he put two and two together. He's gonna exploit that father-son bond, Shane thought. Negan ain't stupid—he already knows Carl is Rick's son. He remembered Negan towering over him when he woke up in the cell after being separated from Andrea. His love for Andrea was the first thing Negan took advantage of and he exploited to the fullest extent during the horrendous trial period. Shane had allowed himself to be broken down to win Negan's approval if it meant he would get back to Andrea. He knew all too well that Negan would exploit Rick's love for Carl, even if it was for a brief moment to get a reaction out of him. And especially if it would break Rick emotionally.

Negan looked from Rick to Carl and pointed Lucille at the younger Grimes. "This is your kid, right?" He laughed as he started towards Carl, while still holding out Lucille. "This is definitely your kid!"

"SO STOP THIS!"

Negan spun on Rick. "HEY! Do not make me kill the little future serial killer! Don't make it easy on me. I gotta pick somebody. Everybody's at the table waiting for me to order."

Shane wondered when he was going to make a decision of whom to kill. He had squashed the ounce of sympathy that had slowly started cropping up and he didn't want it to resurface again. Negan whistled as he walked slowly in front of the group forced to kneel for him. Shane noticed that some of the group glared at Negan defiantly—Carl, Michonne, and the red-headed military man. Others, like Rick, and the other people he didn't know, stared ahead or at the ground, trying to mentally escape. Negan went down the lineup again, sizing up each potential victim in Rick's group while whistling the creepy melody that Shane and Andrea knew very well.

"I simply cannot decide!" Negan turned around so that he wasn't facing the group now. When he turned back to face Rick's group and the surrounding Saviors, an eerie grin lit up his face. He had come up with a plan of how to make his decision. "I got an idea!" Negan now approached Rick and held out Lucille directly in his face. Of course, he had to start with Rick.

"Eenie…"

Shane didn't know what he felt now: repulsed and shocked at Negan's strange tactics to torture the group as they anticipated the terrifying inevitable end result of this twisted game. Or a sense of vengeful satisfaction that somebody kneeling in front of Negan was minutes away from being murdered as payback for killing the Saviors on the road, the Satellite Outpost… No one in the group could stop it from happening. They were completely helpless and he was glad that he had managed to stifle Andrea's voice as it was getting in the way of him wanting to witness Negan brutally execute someone in Rick's group.

Negan played with his prey as he cheerfully recited the children's rhyme. Shane noticed he stopped at times, and other times, he continued walking up and down, while using Lucille to point at the potential victims.

"Meenie…" Maggie.

"Miney…" The tall red-headed military man.

"Mo…" Michonne.

"Catch…" He was near Glenn and the Latina woman.

"A tiger…" Daryl.

"By his toe…" The young black woman and then the young white man: "If he hollers…"

"Let him go…" Negan stopped right in front of Mullet-Man and started making his way down the lineup again.

"My mother…" Carl.

"Told me…" Back to Rick again.

"To pick…"

Shane lost track as Negan quickened his pace.

"The very…best one…and…you…are…"

Everyone was forced to see Lucille up close and personal now. The silver barbed wire glimmered in the car's headlights. Every single person shaking in terror from Rick's group knew they could be on the receiving end of Lucille as Negan went up and down the lineup one last time, brandishing the weapon that would be used to end their lives prematurely and violently. Negan paused for dramatic effect and then made his final decision.

"…It."

It was the red-headed military man who had rose up earlier, as though daring Negan to kill him.

"Anybody moves, anybody says anything, cut the boy's other eye out and feed it to his father, and then we'll start. You can breathe. You can blink. You can cry. Hell, you're all gonna be doing that."

Everything seemed to go slow at first and then an invisible finger pressed the fast-forward button. Shane saw the man make a symbol with his hand. Maybe it was a code or secret message because the young black woman kneeling next to Rick stifled a cry. The man faced Negan head on, ready to meet his death. Adios, you murdering asshole, Shane thought, grinning. Finally, someone's blood would stain the ground and fertilize the soil. Negan raised Lucille in the air and slammed it on the man's head.

The man collapsed face first on the ground.

Bloodcurdling screams filled the air. Some of the group stared at the ground, and others watched, unable to turn away just like drivers who slow down on a highway when they see a car accident. Morbid fascination, Shane thought. Michonne leaned away, since she was right next to him. Shane looked on, eager to watch the rest of the murder-in-progress—and couldn't believe when the man had the strength (the balls?!) to raise himself up again and glare hatefully at Negan, daring him to finish the job.

His defiance fed into Negan's fervor. "Oh! Look at that! Taking it like a champ!"

"Suck…my…nuts."

Famous last words, Shane scoffed as Negan crashed Lucille again on the man's head. The second time, the man stayed down… He lost count of how many times Negan kept hitting him. Save for the whimpering and sobbing from Rick's group, the night was completely quiet and the only noise punctuating the inhuman silence was the hideous thudding of a baseball bat smashing the man's brains to mush.

Negan stepped back, holding out Lucille. Blood dripped from the baseball bat. "Did you hear that?" His hilarity was enormous. "He said 'suck my nuts'! Phew." Negan laughed some more and brought down Lucille again and again…

A lumpy mass of blood, shattered bone, and gray matter were all that was left of the man's head. The rest of his body was completely still and his arms were outstretched on the ground. Flecks of blood and bone landed on his jacket and on the ground surrounding his bashed head.

Shane noticed Michonne was the only one who still remained upright on her knees. She barely moved. Everyone else flinched every time Negan delivered another crushing blow. Some were crying quietly. Rick stared, completely frozen. It was obvious to Shane that he was numb from watching his friend get viciously killed in front of him—and the sheer powerlessness he felt from the entire nightmare. There was absolutely nothing he could do and Shane was not ashamed to admit that watching Rick's emotional paralysis was immensely satisfying for him.

"Oh, my goodness—look at this!" Negan leaned back and swung Lucille in the air, splashing Rick's face with the blood of his first victim.

Don't look now, Rick, but you got blood on your face…Shane grinned at the sight of the man's blood splattered on Rick's face like war paint. Forget the damn egg, blood suits you better. He had a perfect view of Rick turning away. Shane could tell he felt overcome with shame and guilt that his actions had led to the brutal murder of his friend. The blood slipped down Rick's cheek while tears rolled down his face. He didn't wipe away any of the blood or tears.

Negan was already revving up for Act Two and he couldn't stop laughing.

He showed off Lucille, the blood glistening on the barbed wire. "You guys, look at my dirty girl!" Negan strutted towards the Latina woman and held Lucille to her, as though offering her the baseball bat. Tears ran down her cheeks, but she stared straight ahead, determined not to give him the emotional reaction he was looking for.

He ain't never gonna quit, Shane thought. Negan had done it with him and Andrea, Rick and Carl, and now he was doing it again… Negan could tell there had been a relationship between the dead man and this woman. Shane almost shook his head in disgust, but stopped himself in time. It wasn't his fault this was happening—no, this was all Rick's doing. And Negan was being Negan: he was very good at reading and assessing his enemies' weaknesses, for spotting bonds between people and exploiting the emotions they had for each other. This would be no different and it would be far worse for this woman if she kept ignoring Negan…

"Sweetheart, lay your eyes on this." When she still didn't respond, it was evident that Negan knew the truth. "Oh, damn. Were you—were you together? That sucks. But if you were, you should know that there was a reason for all this. Red—and hell, he was, is, and will ever be red. He just took one or six or seven for the team!" Negan forced Lucille in front of the woman's face again, but still, she breathed deeply and refused to respond to his cruel baiting. "So. Take. A. Damn. Look." Finally, he lost his patience and shouted in her face. "TAKE A DAMN LOOK!"

Daryl jumped up and punched Negan in the face. Negan staggered backwards holding his face, while still holding onto Lucille. Shane watched, feeling as stunned as everyone in Rick's group, as two Saviors grabbed Daryl so that he was on his side, writhing on the ground. One Savior wrapped Daryl's neck in a fierce head-lock and the other held his legs. Over the shocked gasps coming from the captured group, Shane thought he heard Rick shouting Daryl's name. Rick started to rise from his kneeling position when he was quickly forced to retreat.

"NO!" Negan shouted furiously, pointing the bloody Lucille at Rick and quickly squashing his attempt to help Daryl. He pivoted towards the trailer and then back to the shuddering group forced to their knees. "That? Oh, my! That is a no-no!" Grinning, Negan knelt down to where Daryl was grunting and fighting against the Savior who held his neck in a tight grip. "This whole thing—not one bit of that shit flies here!"

As elated as he was with Rick's inability to do anything to help his friends…a trickle of ice-cold terror now ran down Shane's spine…he knew Negan was a man of his word….and he had a gut feeling of what was soon to come as a consequence of Daryl's violent outburst…

"Do you want me to do it? Right here?"

Dwight came forward and held Daryl's crossbow in his face. One Savior backed off of Daryl, giving Dwight plenty of space to aim and shoot. He was in a position to shoot a bolt directly in Daryl's face—it would instantly kill the younger Dixon. Dwight struck Shane as wanting to impress Negan with his begging the Saviors' leader to kill Daryl with his own crossbow. Shane thought it was ridiculous and apparently Negan felt the same way. Or did he?

"No, no." Negan grabbed Daryl's hair and pulled it back. Daryl huffed louder, both in pain and fury that he couldn't release himself. "You don't kill them until you try a little, and anyway that's not how it works."

Dwight and the two other Saviors grabbed Daryl and dragged him back to the lineup. Negan rose to his feet now and faced the petrified group. They were silent except for the occasional sniffling and gasping for air. It was as though the horrors of the night had stolen their ability to breathe easily.

"Now, I already told you people—first one's free, then—what'd I say? I said I would shut that shit down! No exceptions. Now, I don't know what kind of lying assholes you've been dealing with, but I'm a man of my word. First impressions are important. I need you to know me…"

The trickle of freezing fear had turned into an arctic stream flowing through all of Shane's senses. Negan intended to kill again—and his only hope was that it not be anyone he once knew—or loved. I thought Rick was your best friend. Andrea's voice had reached its highest decibel now and her words were in large print flashing across his brain. Shane couldn't silence her voice because now he heard her again when she insisted that he had once loved Rick as his brother. For the first time that night, Shane was genuinely worried that Rick would be on the receiving end of Lucille. It can be anyone…jus' don't let it be Carl—not Daryl, not Glenn, not Maggie, not Michonne…an' not Rick. Negan's cheery tone interrupted Shane's thoughts.

"So—back to it!"

Negan whipped around and smashed Lucille on Glenn's head. Glenn collapsed and before he had hit the ground Negan brought down Lucille on his skull a second time—

"NOOOOOO!"

Maggie's scream was choked from the sobs that threatened to break through. Her emotions exploded outward as she stared in shock at Glenn, who now struggled to sit up. He was trembling and groaning from excruciating pain. Shane wasn't standing close to Glenn, but even he could see how much force Negan had used when he slammed Lucille on him…because now Glenn's eyeball was popping out of his face. It looked like it would fall out and for an instant, Shane remembered when he had gouged out The Governor's eye. This wasn't the same though—this was far worse because Glenn's skull was already caved in and blood was pouring down his face…

Shane weighed his options of what he should do, what he wanted to do…and what he already knew he wouldn't do… Intervene. He should stop it. Glenn didn't deserve this. The other man was nobody to Shane. He didn't know him; there was no connection there. No past history and no attachment. That man had to pay with his own blood for what he had done to the Saviors at the Satellite Outpost—someone had to. His men had been sleeping in their beds, unaware and defenseless, when Rick's group attacked them. One bloody murder was more than enough to quench Shane's thirst for revenge. It didn't hit Shane in the balls, but Glenn…

Glenn Rhee was a different story altogether.

Shane remembered meeting Glenn when everything first happened. They had set up camp together after meeting on the highway when trying to escape from Atlanta. Glenn showed up with T-Dog two days after he got Lori and Carl out of King County. It was shortly after he, Lori, and Carl had met Carol, Ed, and Sophia. Carol's car had gotten a flat tire and the only people out of the dozens of survivors on the highway who bothered to help were Glenn and T-Dog. Glenn was easygoing and friendly as was T-Dog. He was dependable and skilled at getting supplies for the group. It wasn't fair that his last day on earth would culminate in his barbaric murder—or that his murderer would cruelly taunt him. Shane stared wide-eyed as Negan leaned forward, holding Lucille behind his back.

"Buddy, you still there?" He was standing in front of Glenn, who was grunting and sputtering. "I just don't know. It seems like you're trying to speak, but you just took a hell of a hit! I just popped your skull so hard, your eyeball just popped out—and it is gross as shit!"

Glenn was dying a slow and agonizing death. Sour bile stormed through Shane's throat; he wanted to throw up at the sight of Glenn's blood-smeared face and neck, his skull caved in, and his eye popping out. He prided himself on having a strong countenance, but somehow, that all went out the window when it came to Glenn. He tried shutting it out, but it was impossible. For a moment, there was absolutely nothing happening…or so it seemed. The only sounds were Maggie's cries mingled with everyone else's in Rick's group and the death throes coming from Glenn. He was grateful for that brief reprieve and then he heard Glenn speak for the last time. Shane's heart had been frozen from the moment he found his dead men scattered throughout the Satellite Outpost…and now it finally thawed out.

"Maggie…I'll find you…"

I'll find you…

Glenn would always watch over Maggie…he would never leave her. Shane thought it was heartbreaking and horrendous. Glenn loved Maggie. They would forever be parted in this life, but always be together in each other's hearts. When Negan stepped away from Glenn, Shane immediately recognized the phony sympathetic expression plastered on his face. Shane had seen Negan display that plastic compassion before when he had asked to see Andrea during his trial period. Negan had pretended to grant his request, only to turn around and outright refuse it. Back then and right now, it was obvious to Shane that Negan enjoyed acting merciful only to reveal that he was utterly merciless—all while relishing the devastating effect it had on the target. This time, the target was everyone in Rick's group—and Glenn, whose death was being prolonged.

"Oh…oh, hell. I can see this is hard on you guys. I am sorry, I truly am…but I did say it—" Negan's semi-kind appearance immediately disappeared to be replaced by vicious glee. "No exceptions!"

Negan swung Lucille at Glenn's face like he was hitting a home run.

The bone-chilling crack of Lucille smashing against Glenn's jaw echoed loudly. Even above the sobbing and crying from Rick's group, Shane heard it. Glenn hit the ground and Shane knew it was over. Memories of finding his men's bloody corpses flashed through his mind, but this time, he couldn't use it to justify Negan's gruesome actions. Glenn didn't deserve to die for the crimes Rick had committed against the Saviors and he doubted it was Glenn's decision to invade the Satellite Outpost. Shane couldn't stand to watch anymore. He wanted to turn his back on the grisly sight, but he couldn't show himself to be outwardly against what Negan was doing. Instead, he found a point in the dirt to focus on. He didn't want to see Negan bludgeon Glenn over and over again—but he couldn't drown out the horrible squishing noises.

And he couldn't shut out Andrea's voice even if he wanted to.

Her words were intense and her tone was deafening: "The moment you take enjoyment from watching him bash someone's skull—the instant you take pleasure in him killing someone in cold blood…I've lost you, Shane. I've lost you forever..." He questioned the grim satisfaction he initially felt when seeing Negan's first victim got Lucille'd. Was Drea right? Did I lose myself? He just wanted some form of retribution, justice, revenge. It didn't matter what he called it; it was just semantics to him. Was he fully wrong for wanting Negan to deal out vengeance to Rick's group? Shane wasn't sure anymore.

Rick and his group had killed a lot of Saviors…Michelle's boyfriend and the guys he rode with, the men in the Satellite Outpost, Michelle, Molly, Paula, and Donnie, and several more had been burned alive… Even for Rick, that was a lot of killing and Shane couldn't picture him being capable of committing so many murders. On the other hand, Andrea was right about the Saviors M.O. At The Hilltop, Rory's death was meant to instill fear and intimidate Jesus' group so that they would be forced to give up half their supplies. It was totally unprovoked. Had Rick not encountered the Saviors first, he and Negan would've eventually collided. Negan would've still chosen a victim to kill on the spot and all to intimidate, instill fear, and control. Shane was left with one conclusion: we're both right, Drea. Ain't neither of us completely wrong.

He thought about Glenn again as he felt far worse about his death—more than he expected. Shane had compassion for Glenn, whereas with Negan's first victim it was nonexistent. Even so, the harsh truth was that Glenn wasn't his priority. Shane's loyalties weren't with Rick Grimes anymore—or Carl, or anyone in the group—they hadn't been since the time he left the farm with Andrea. Andrea was his only priority now. She was the one he loved and protected at all costs. He wouldn't risk defying Negan or even attempt to stop him if it meant that Andrea would suffer. That and Rick's group brought this on themselves. I don't owe them a damn thing, Shane thought. Not anymore. Even Carl whom he had protected with his life the beginning of the outbreak…he let that go too.

This one's on you, brother…

Shane thought of the good times he had with Rick growing up. Going to high school together. Attending the police academy. Becoming partner's in the sheriff's department. Attending Rick's and Lori's wedding as the best man. A flurry of images passed through Shane's mind when he remembered Rick getting shot, Rick in the hospital, bringing flowers from the department for his best friend, trying to get him out once the dead rose, and then leaving him there…only for Rick to miraculously wake up from his coma and find their camp thanks to Glenn. Over time, Rick had taken charge of the group and it was his duty to keep the group safe. That responsibility was no longer Shane's and hadn't been for some time. Regardless of what happened to anyone in the group—including Glenn—their lives weren't his to protect anymore.

The only ones who mattered now were Andrea and himself.

Still, the matter was reprehensible. Hearing Maggie's crying stabbed his heart. It didn't alleviate the guilt he felt from not stopping Negan. When he had found a point in the ground to stare at, it wasn't just to avoid watching Negan desecrate Glenn's corpse. Shane couldn't bring himself to glance in Maggie's direction. Her husband and the father of her child had been viciously taken from her. Somehow, Shane instinctively knew that Maggie was pregnant with Glenn's baby. He couldn't explain it and he didn't know how it came to him, but it did.

Maggie's grief and helplessness reminded Shane of that awful nightmare he had when he first went through his initiation process to join the Saviors. Seeing Negan kill Andrea—or rather, seeing Negan Lucille Andrea—had been one of the worst moments of his entire life. It didn't matter that it was a nightmare. At the time he had dreamt it, the scenario felt all too real because he knew it could actually happen—just as it happened tonight for Glenn and the first man Negan killed. It wasn't a matter of waking up and finding out that Andrea was dead. No, it was a dire warning he'd better heed if he wanted to keep Andrea alive. Otherwise she'd end up dead—and not just dead, but mangled—her head mashed up and bones crushed, her brains squashed, and dark red blood everywhere.

Negan interrupted his thoughts. His voice sliced through the cacophony of sobbing, sniffling, and panicky breathing coming from the men and women still forced to watch the macabre scene.

"You bunch of pussies. I'm just getting started!" He slammed Lucille into Glenn's corpse several more times. "Lucille is thirsty! She is a vampire bat!"

One more blow landed and then Negan strolled away while showing off Lucille. Shane saw a piece of flesh—Glenn's flesh—entangled in Lucille's barbed-wire. Negan proudly waved Lucille around and then stopped as though surprised that no one found his joke funny.

"What? Was the joke that bad?"

Shane heard Rick speak up. His voice was raspy, but firm.

"I'm gonna kill you."

Don't start, Rick. Don't make this night worse than it already is. Shane's fists were clenched at his side. Leave it to Rick to try and threaten Negan. From his own experience, Shane knew nothing frightened Negan. And having just witnessed two of his friends getting their heads bashed in, Rick would be wise to keep his mouth shut….or so Shane thought. He was so tempted to go over to Rick and punch sense into him, but he couldn't come out of the shadows and reveal himself. All he could do was listen to their dark exchange. Negan didn't care. He was amused as he met Rick head-on, deciding to play along.

"What? I didn't quite catch that. You're gonna have to speak up."

"Not today, not tomorrow…but I'm gonna kill you." Rick's tone was stronger now, more assertive.

Shane thought he heard a weird puckering noise. As he listened, he scanned the area—he needed to leave. He should've left sooner when Negan was choosing his victim, but he was ashamed to admit that he wanted to see who it would be. Now that Glenn's and the other man's corpses were laid out, he felt he had seen and heard enough. But how could he leave without drawing attention to himself? He waited as he listened to the conversation taking place.

"Jesus," Negan said, chuckling softly. "Simon, what did he have, a knife?

"He had a hatchet." Shane thought Simon sounded pensive, which was strange coming from him.

"A hatchet?" Negan was entertained as though he wanted to ask Rick Grimes what he planned to do with it.

"He had an ax," Simon clarified.

"Simon's my right-hand man. Having one of those is important. I mean, what do you have left without them? A whole lot of work. Do you have one? Maybe one of these fine people still breathing? Oh. Or did I…" Negan clicked his tongue and then sighed. "Sure. Yeah. Give me his ax."

The mention of "right-hand man" startled Shane as he remembered being Rick's right-hand man in the King County sheriff's department. This time, he didn't shove the memory away, but let it play out in his mind. He would never be Rick's right-hand man again…Shane looked up in time to see Simon hand Negan Rick's ax. Negan stared at Rick not saying anything. Shane figured Negan was plotting his next move. Then Negan stood up and tucked the ax under his belt. Wasting no time, he grabbed Rick's collar and dragged him to the RV. Shane watched, astounded and bewildered, as Rick struggled to get loose only for Negan to tighten his grip and continue dragging him forward.

"We'll be right back. Maybe Rick will be with me. And if not, well, we can just turn these people inside out, won't we? I mean the ones that are left." Negan threw Rick inside the RV and slammed the door behind him.

There was a strange silence and Shane thought he heard a body hitting the floor in the RV. It had to be Rick's. Shane glanced up at the sky and noticed dawn was breaking. It was still dark outside, but it was starting to get lighter. He saw the rest of Rick's group and the Saviors staring at the RV. No one knew what to expect and no one said anything. Then there was the rumbling as someone inside—Negan or Rick—tried to turn on the RV. It had to be Negan. After several tries, the RV rolled out of the area. Shane wondered what Negan planned on doing now that he had Rick with him. He decided not to dwell on it and started retreating to the back of the Saviors, so that he was standing behind the group. No one seemed to notice or care that he had changed his position.

Despite being further away, he was able to get a clear glimpse of what was going on. From where he stood now, he heard everyone in the group was still crying. No one was going to do anything—they couldn't—not with Rick gone and definitely not with two of their own laid out in front of them. Only Carl and Michonne appeared frozen in anger with tears slipping silently down their faces. They were the only ones not overly vocal about their grief. Everyone else was either rocking, staring at the ground or straight ahead, or shaking in fright. Shane watched as Simon went to the front of the lineup. He was joined by Dwight and several other Saviors and they stood guard over Rick's group, making sure everyone remained kneeling.

Now was his chance.

Shane slowly backed away into the surrounding woods. Driving off in one of the cars would bring attention to himself, so he had to walk back to The Sanctuary. It might take a half hour, but he was certain he could do it. No one was watching him because everyone was focused on Rick's group. There were so many Saviors present that they shouldn't miss him—or so he thought. He hoped Simon wouldn't call him out by his name, that is, if Simon noticed him missing. Simon was too busy gloating over the two deaths. Shane doubted that Simon using his name would mean anything to those who had known him in what seemed like a past lifetime—Carl, Michonne, Daryl, and Maggie. He didn't know for sure and put more distance between himself and the group. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw Simon walking slowly just as Negan had done so when choosing a victim to meet Lucille. He thought Dwight looked in his direction, but then Dwight went to the end of the line where Daryl was kneeling. Shane breathed a sigh of relief as he quickened his pace. When he was a good distance away, he took out his walkie-talkie and dialed for Andrea.

Nothing but static hissing.

Shane tried again. He thought he heard a woman's voice coming through.

"Shane…?"

Andrea! "I'm comin' back, darlin'..."

Although he was nowhere near the clearing where Rick's group had been cornered, Shane still whispered.

"…where are you?" Andrea's voice sounded far away.

"Out in the woods. We gonna leave soon as I get back." Shane quickened his pace. He was glad that it was getting lighter outside so he could see the trail in the woods.

"Come quick…"

The walkie-talkie became silent. Come quick?! What's that 'bout? He noticed something odd in her tone. She sounded nervous and sad. Shane thought back to their exchange before he had left with Negan. Andrea had urged him not to enjoy what would happen tonight. She didn't want him to lose himself. It wasn't that though. There was something else. It bothered Shane that he couldn't remember although he wracked his brains trying to figure it out. Then it came to him: Andrea had told him she needed to tell him something important. She had whispered this to him just as Negan entered their apartment. What did she have to tell him? He tried to remember the expression on her face when she had told him this, but his mind drew a blank.

Or maybe it was that his mind was full of what he had just seen. Images of Negan raising Lucille in the air kept replaying only to be replaced by a bloody and sputtering Glenn. The violent deaths were imprinted in his mind, pushing out everything else. He didn't want to remember Glenn that way and even though he didn't know the other man, he didn't want to reimagine his gory death either.

Again, he tried to picture Andrea. If only he knew what she wanted to tell him! Shane decided to let that thought go. He might find out what she wanted to tell him, and then again, he might not. Getting them both out of The Sanctuary—leaving the Saviors—was the most important thing. Shane knew he had no choice, but to escape with her as soon as the opportunity presented itself. Right now, Negan was out in the RV with Rick and both the Saviors and Rick's group were still in the clearing. There was no telling how much time everyone would be out there, but it was the perfect time for them to leave The Sanctuary. Although the consequences for abandoning the group were too terrifying to think about, it came down to what he had originally taught Andrea. Flip the switch. He had to squash his emotions and act. No hatred. No fear. Nothing except fierce determination to move forward. He just hoped she had gathered their belongings (or what little they had) and put it together with whatever supplies she had found.

He hurried through the forest. Timing was everything and he needed to get back to Andrea before Negan returned to The Sanctuary. Shane allowed himself to recall everything that night. It all felt surreal. The biggest surprise was finding out what had become of Rick Grimes and the group. Shane wondered again about the absence of Lori, Dale, T-Dog, Carol, Hershel, and Beth—and quickly shoved those thoughts away. It shocked him that he didn't allow himself to linger too much on Lori, but it was also a good thing. He felt concern for her, but didn't completely let her take up too much space in his mind as he had done in the past. Andrea had firmly taken her place in Shane's heart, but he knew he couldn't forget that Lori was the mother of his baby.

Shane stopped walking and looked over his shoulder as though expecting to see Rick's group still cowering in front of the Saviors. Of course, he had already walked quite a distance already. He was surrounded by dark woods and the sky was lightening up every minute as the sun slowly rose. For the first time in a long while, he thought about his baby. Did he have a little boy? A little girl? Shane shook his head and kept walking. He couldn't dwell on Lori or his baby. He had long accepted that he would never see his baby, that Rick might father his child—that his child may even die out there. So he focused on others. His thoughts were repeating themselves and he was vaguely aware that he was rehashing everyone he had (and hadn't) seen tonight to avoid seeing the image of Glenn's body lying on the ground…a mash of blood, brain, and bone of what used to be his head.

Seeing Carl and Michonne, and especially seeing Rick after all this time was mind-bending. Rick looked like he had been trapped in a sauna and escaped before he could be baked alive. Michonne looked the same as he had last seen her. Carl was the biggest surprise—he had grown taller, his hair was longer…he still sported his father's Stetson, but his demeanor was that of a young man ready to take on the world. Not the little boy who would sneak off with someone's gun. The other revelations…Negan's cruelty knew no bounds. Watching him slaughter and taunt Glenn was proof of that. Shane was horrified, but he turned off his emotions as he had taught Andrea all those years ago during their shooting lessons. Or he had tried to. Now that it was over, he was hit with an onslaught of emotions that threatened to overwhelm him. Sadness, anger, and even vengeance made their home in his psyche, especially after seeing Maggie sobbing. Forcing her to watch her husband's murder was vicious on an entirely new level. He could only imagine what Maggie was feeling—and he didn't know what he'd do if it was Andrea getting bludgeoned in front of him.

Andrea.

The final revelation hit the hardest: he and Andrea couldn't stay with the Saviors any longer. Abandoning The Hilltop to join the brutal group of survivors was a huge mistake and it had nearly cost him his relationship with Andrea. Better to be the predator than the prey had been his justification at the time. He has been the outsider looking in at a group that seemed to have it all…at the expense of The Hilltop and other communities they had conquered. He and Andrea could avoid being at the receiving end of Lucille if they followed the bloodthirsty leader. They learned quickly that living in The Sanctuary made them more oppressed than those who lived outside of it. Now he was on the inside and he wanted out. Being part of the Saviors didn't make him any less a prey than if he had stayed at The Hilltop. Had they stayed at Jesus' community, the only blessing was not having to deal with Negan's tyranny on a daily basis.

They had to escape—run away from The Sanctuary, ditch the Saviors, and put as much distance between themselves and Negan. Leaving meant they could have their lives back—that is, if they succeeded in getting away with their lives intact. Shane was fully aware that he and Andrea were risking death by Lucille. They had to chance it and he believed they would succeed. No longer would they be forced to kneel and genuflect, state their names were "Negan", or engage in other ridiculous antics. He can choke on that bullshit, Shane thought, motivated by the ideal of living as he wanted…and his dream to make it to Maryland with Andrea. They had a short timeframe to break away from this last group. Shane knew one thing was certain: by the time the sun set later on today, he and Andrea would be alive—and they would be free…