The Month Peter Parker Learned Humility
Chapter 17: Monday September 17th
"Hey, guys!", Flash yelled from across the hallway, holding onto a piece of paper. "Whatcha got there, bro?", asks Peter. "Remember that homework you and MJ helped me out with? I already got a grade on it." "It's a zero, isn't it?", MJ slyly remarks. "Close. It's a perfect 100! You guys really helped me out a lot, thanks!" "Glad you can be taught. Now you gotta teach us how to be so happy", Randy butted in, grabbing MJ and Flash's shoulders. "How about tomorrow night, since I know you three got to prep with Mr Larsen's test?"
Suddenly, Peter's phone rings, as Aunt May's face lights up the screen. "Hey, May. Everything alright back at the house?" "Listen carefully, son, I expect you to rendezvous at your house from school immediately", orders Captain America. "Wait, what?!" "We need to talk to you about something that had occurred during Sunday morning, roughly around 12:45am. The sooner you arrive, the better. We'll handle the school paperwork for ya, just come now." "…ok, May, see ya soon." "My name's not May, it's Steve Rog—" He hangs up and rushes out of the hallways. "Pete, where ya headed?", Randy asks in a concerned manner. "Doctor's appointment May's picking me up almost late for it bye!", he yells without taking a single breath. "Your boyfriend's pretty weird", Flash adds. "I know, I know. We gotta fix that."
Inside a nearby bathroom stall, Peter Parker changes once more into The Amazing Spider-Man, swinging out of the public eye towards his home, where a stern Captain America awaits. After swinging around and finally reaching May's house, Cap stands ever so vigilantly on the front porch. "There you are, solider", greets Cap. "You have a pair of keys to let me in? I try not to break into houses that hold fellow Supers." 'Yeah, give me a sec. But quick question: why the hell did you call me on my aunt's number?!", Peter asks as he lets in Cap and locks the door from the inside.
"I used that number so you would definitely pick up, as this is urgent." "You could've just waited for me to, I don't know, LEAVE SCHOOL PROPERLY! I already got in enough trouble in school because of all the shit I had to deal with as an Avenger." "Ah, yes, the black goo that took over your body! That was quite the rough battle, solider." "Don't call me solider, Cap. Just tell me what was so urgent that I had to ditch my friends!" "Well, if you want to be direct, I have news regarding the goo." "…What kind of news?" "Take a seat, I'm not 100% sure you're going to like this. It's all on video, from last night at almost 1 in the morning."
Peter watches at first in confusion, trying to figure out why he's watching Ant-Man's mental breakdown. Soon after, he shudders as his Spider-Sense lightly tingles when the black silhouette appears. Once the not-so-mysterious creature talks, Peter's worst fear has become more than just a rude reality. "Oh good God, no. God no. No no no no no no no", he pants, jumping off the couch. "Son, take a deep breath. Tell me why you're stressed." "That, that… That can't be her. No, it can't have a memory, it doesn't even have a damn brain!"
"Did you say 'memory'? Peter, what does that mean?" "It has Mary Jane as its new body hotel, or host, or whatever you wanna call it! Cap, it's got my best friend and girlfriend!" "Good Lord, son! That is QUITE the debacle", Cap replies in honest shock. "Shame we can't help you with that, however." "What?" "We can't interfere as Avengers in solo heroic conflicts. It's inside the by-laws on page 42 of—" "You're shitting me, Captain."
"The fuck'd you just say to me, little boy?" "You and my former team before Hank went full on asshole mode got this damn goo on me, failed to rip it off of me, and now you can't even help me save an innocent life?!" "She's not innocent if she knows you're one of us, and I refuse to break protocol. That's what the Red Skull does, my boy! You don't want to be like the Red Skull now, do ya?" "Are you deadass telling me that an outdated piece of paper is gonna stop you from saving a life THAT YOU PUT IN THE GODDAMN DANGER?" "YOU DON'T SASS ME BOY!", Cap yells as he backhands Peter, showing the older, out-of-fashion ideals of his time before going into the icy waters.
"Jesus, what is it with you Avengers and hitting people? First Hank, and now you! They should call you guys The Abusers!" "If ya sass me, ya get the Brooklyn Backhand just like the Nazis back in '43." "Look, I have one real question for you. Just one. Why won't you, or Hank, or any of the other Avengers let me be an Avenger?" "…We do, Peter. We want you to be an Avenger, but you're not doing it the same way as us, so we do little things here and there to push you into the right direction." "You guys didn't do ANYTHING to make sure I was ok with the goo! You didn't keep MJ safe from it once I couldn't handle it anymore, and now you won't even try to get the goo off of MJ! How is any of this supposed to help me be an Avenger?!"
Running out of inspiring quotes, Cap reaches into his utility belt and frantically juggles flash cards, each containing quick quotes meant for an angry press meeting. "Well, I, I uh… I can't answer that, sir. Maybe Iron Man—" "Are those flash cards?" "N-no, Mr Jameson. I can't fully explain that—" "Jameson's dead, you dumb asshole!" Out of fear and stress, Cap sprints out of the living room and May's house.
Soon after the strange visit, Peter grabs his phone and calls MJ. "Hey, you still coming over to my place for the study group?", he asks in a slightly concerned way. "Yeah, you didn't need to call us for that." "Us? What do you mean 'us'?" "Hey, Pete!", Randy shouts in the background. "Did you finally get diagnosed with super nerd disorder?" "Did you finally learn to not butt into a couple's conversation?", MJ replies, walking a bit faster than Randy in the school hallways of seventh period. "Tiger, c'mon. We both know you got a grip on Calculus unlike anyone in Midtown High! Of course we're gonna be there."
"Right, we're smart and one of us is extra smart. I keep forgetting." "Yep. Also, I know you weren't getting picked up for a doctor's appointment." "Wait, what?" "Eddie Nunez did however, at fourth period, and the secretary escorted him out of the class. You got a call and dipped." "Well, I can't just say 'hey, Captain America called me in for an emergency meeting, see ya guys later'. That's shouting myself out when I don't need to." "Mhm-hm. I get you got your 'things', but you can't leave me every time something involving your little friends happens, especially that weird black goo thing."
Suddenly, Peter's Spider-Sense blared painfully, making him realize that goo really is inside her. "How'd you figure that out, smarty pants?", Peter replies, trying to play along with the goo's accidental exposure. "Isn't that goo thing your main problem right now, considering how much it hurt you?"
"I'd say Ant-Man is, but that's not your main concern. That's my responsibility, and I'll see you at my place. Bye." The goo, using MJ as its twisted vessel, cracks her phone in anger and contempt of Peter. "Damnit, Peter!", she mutters furiously. "Ya know what, I'll study on my own tonight. You two might need to work things out a bit more", Randy stutters, slowly walking away from MJ.
As the school day ends for Mary Jane, Peter's afternoon of alien exorcism begins as she walks into the Parker family living room. "Hey, Tiger! You got your notes out for tomorrow's test? I can't wait to figure out Algebra", she says, cockily walking in. "It's a Calculus test, MJ. Remember?", Peter replies, holding a boombox and glass jar. "That's right, it was Calculus! I got a little flustered there, Tiger. What's with the radio and jar? You gonna start a bluegrass band or something?" "I know the goo is inside you, MJ. Cap showed me the footage of you talking to Hank, trying to get him to kill me." "Now, Tiger, let's take a minute here and realize what you're saying! Isn't that a bit extreme?"
"No, Mary Jane. That goo is dangerous, and wants to use you for its own deeds. It's a poison, like a rattlesnake's venom. Get it out of you or I'm ripping it out of you." "You, you called me,… Venom?", the goo replied, with its sultry, sinister voice loudly making it clear who's in charge. "You don't know what that word even means! I wanted only to help you be a better hero, and you threw me away from a LOUD, LOUD BELL TOWER like garbage!" "You wanted to take over my life and disrespected Uncle Ben!" "We could've made him proud." "You wanted to use me till I died for what, some cruel and twisted form of justice?" "Hey, Peter! I'm back from the FEAST Charity interview, and I brought— What. Is. This?", May asks as she sees her nephew hold a threatening stance against MJ, also in a fighting stance.
"…don't call the Avengers or Fantastic Four, human", replies the goo in MJ's body. "Yeah, no, you're not Mary Jane. Peter, don't hurt her bye!", she says while slowly walking out, and then running on the street.
An impromptu Mexican standoff occurred between the young couple and the goo, as MJ took one small step backwards, nearing the open front door. Peter takes one step towards MJ, and MJ takes one more step back. She takes another step back, and Peter takes the next step towards her and the goo. Her arm then reaches towards the door, and Peter then web-shoots her towards the wall.
"No! You're not even in costume!" "You really think you can attack a Spider-Person in his own house and they wouldn't be prepared?"
"IT'S CLOBBERING TIME!", shouts a belligerent Ben Grimm, better known to the world as The Thing. "Where's the big bad goo at, ya punks?!" "It's in her", Peter replies while pointing at a struggling and webbed-up MJ. "In her?" "Yeah, exactly like how it was in me but it didn't look like it was in me. It's complicated." "Like a parasite in the early stages?" "…shit, that's it actually. Great analogy!" "Thanks, kid. C'mon, help me pick her up gently, I don't wanna break Wendy's over here." "Sure. You and Reed are gonna get it off of her safely, right?" "Yeah, when he's back from some funky science expo in Seattle. Don't worry, he'll land in JFK around 7, so Sue and me are gonna hold her in a real nice and comfy room."
"…I can't give her better care, so ok, I guess." "You alright, kid? I was expectin' some kind of Nickelodeon slime joke or two on my way here." "It's been a wild month, and I'm starting to get pretty tired of it", Peter replies, sighing solemnly.
END OF CHAPTER 17