"Come on you have to get up"
"What?" I blurted, it was way too early to deal with this
Victorya was quickly putting on her boots as she was yelling at me to get ready, she was really acting like an officer. She even put both of her hands on my shoulders and began to violently shake me.
"Fine, what is going on?" I asked, I quickly got up and grabbed my shirt and pants
"While you were sleeping there was a siren, that means we have at least five minutes to get ready for an assault." she said as she ran a comb through her hair.
"An assault, wait does that mean somebody attacked the empire."
She shrugged her shoulders, this was common though, Tanya would issue false alarms all the time to get the 203rd ready for real combat. Hopefully this was just a drill not the real thing, I quickly tied my boots as me and Victorya quickly ran towards the armory.
She was the first one done as she began to quickly zip through the walkway holding her rifle, she began to hop on one foot as she began to adjust her boot.
But I wasn't even half way done, I was still tightening up the chest piece and sure the armor had reduced weight on it but I wouldn't be able to run as quick as the other guys.
When I was done I was clutching the helmet under my right arm and carrying the mg in my left as I took my place in line, Tanya was on a pedestal as she began discussing the operation.
Turns out this was the real thing, the Dacia empire was planning on annihilating the empire with muskets and cannons. They seemed very unprepared from the way Tanya was acting about the whole thing.
What made things even scarier was how she was acting how slaughtering a bunch of useless unprepared soldiers was a good thing, sure I was happy how we were not dealing with mages and normal infantry but it didn't stop the fact how we were killing people.
It felt strange seeing her smile how the enemy was unprepared, it just made me feel bad for the poor saps that presumably got drafted and forced to fight a war that they couldn't win.
After a quick briefing we were up in the air flying gracefully through the sky, me and Victorya were flying together from her request. Turns out she asked Tanya if she could have me by her side so there could be a quicker response if there was ever mage combat.
Tanya took the bait and agreed, in reality me and her wanted to be close to each other and if needed we would just watch the others back.
We all hovered around the center of a field when we arrived to see men wearing very long hats carrying muskets and cannons, my gun could pump out lead before these guys could even react.
And the A.P.A armor could deflect a magic bullet going the speed of a car, then it would be able to easily deflect a musket round.
"Frank, I am going to need you on the ground. Clear out the men from the middle and charge straight through command, afterwords link up with us." Tanya said
Tanya knew that we couldn't just attack the Dacia empire's command post, we had to leave a message. This message would have me slaughtering hundreds of men as I pushed through towards the command tent.
Sure this would make an amazing message to not just the Dacia empire but also towards future enemies of the empire.
"Shouldn't he stay with us...what happens if communications gets broken or anything, why do we have to deal with the infantry when we can storm the command post.." Victorya cringed
"Lieutenant do I have to remind you who is in charge…if you have an issue than report to command." Tanya hissed, Victorya yelped as she saw Tanya's eyes and heard her tone deepen.
Victorya told me before what happened to those two men that disobeyed Tanya, she was even smiling happy that she sent them to their deaths. Now she was afraid to call her out for anything she found to be awful in fear of getting the same fate.
"Leave her the hell alone Tanya!" I yelled, it took me a second until I realized what I did, I just disrespected a senior officer.
Two offenses I had just committed. I told her to leave her the hell alone, and calling her Tanya instead of major was strictly punishable.
Everybody's eyes aimed at me in shock, when the silence faded everybody's eyes went to Tanya to see her response. Even Victorya was staring at me with pure horror in her eyes, I was probably the first one to tell Tanya to cut her shit.
Her mouth was slightly open even in shock that the little robot that she could order around to do anything would openly say something like that too her. I didn't wait for a response as I put on the helmet a little too hard as I felt my head softly hurt from how rough I was.
There was the click of it getting locked in place as I turned off my mage gear and began tumbling through the sky, I re engaged them right before I was a massive splat on the ground as a massive shockwave erupted from under me.
The men instantly shot with their muskets as each bullet ricocheted off of me and went god knows where, I couldn't even feel where the musket balls hit me from how weak they were compared to the armor.
I lifted up my gun seeing the strange confusion arise from the men spread throughout the Dacia empire. There wasn't even a bug chirping as I aimed my gun at them, I took a quick glance seeing the 203rd staring down at me.
Victorya's eyes were probably watching me, the girl I loved was going to watch me slaughter a hundred men.
Too her my arms were the things that carried her, but in reality they were the things that allowed me to lift my gun.
Too her my fingers were used to sketch and write poetry, but they were what allowed me to hold the bipod and pull the trigger of my weapon.
My eyes that she stared into were the things that allowed me to stare at the horrors I caused, what I have and will do can never be unseen when I wear this armor.
It is a blessing to wear a suit made of metal that could deflect bullets, but it is a curse to have others look at you without the suit after what you had done.
I pulled the trigger, as my gun sprouted like a flower, instead of petals and pollen it produced lead and fire as they made holes in men like they were paper.
As I walked through the crowd as men collapsed in front of me, I realized how I was building a graveyard. These men like the militia men and his daughter were people, people that joined there countries army to protect what they held dear.
Some of these men probably had girls like Victorya, girls that were patiently waiting for them at home to come back. But because of me it will never happen, I am a machine that must follow orders and I knew that it is sad, but it is truly the only truth that I have ever known.
With each pull of the trigger I was making widows and orphans, for all I knew I was making these kids go through the same hell that me and Tanya went through at the orphanage or maybe even worse.
A constant cycle of death and war that could never be stopped no matter how hard we try, even if we piece every little shard back together, it doesn't mean that everything will be back the way it once was.
The Dacia army in fear and shock of seeing a man made of metal spit lead, they retreated quickly back to their command tent. Tanya and the others were waiting as they killed off the rest of the retreaters, the ones that escaped went into the forest but Tanya told us not to go after them.
I was exhausted, it was already night and Tanya was trying to radio to command to see what the next orders for the day was. She even congratulated the kill count that I racked up, but I wasn't happy rathor I felt sick seeing what remained of the men.
Victorya was in a tent, I peered into it seeing her alone as I took off my helmet and removed the strap from my gun as a loud dud rang from the metal hitting the dirt as they carelessly slipped from my fingers.
I thought that she was horrified, I slaughtered them like dogs, how could anybody look at another like that but Victorya simply smiled at me as I rested my head on her lap.
She lightly ran her fingers through my hair as I slowly began to cry, it wasn't as bad as last time but at the same time I was crying in front of her. But all she did was wipe the tears away with her glove as she kept on soothing me.
"Why do you do this, why are you always here for me?" I asked
"Because I love you."
I stared up at her smiling face, she really wasn't lying. Love was a strange thing or maybe she was just a strange girl.
"I don't understand...I can kill a hundred enemies but...you can still look at me the same, you can find somebody so much better, no you deserve better."
"But I choose you, it doesn't matter to me if you aren't that well educated or have a lot of money. When I am with you I feel happy, and isn't that enough."
"When I see how happy you are when you look at me, I just don't understand. I'm a monster I kill for the sake of killing...everyday, hundreds, thousands...there is nothing honorable or good about me...I can never do anything right."
A couple of minutes passed as I pressed my sleeve against my eyes, I wanted to avert Victorya's gaze.
"I'm not sure if this is a good time to say this."
"What, come on you know I don't like surprises." I said as I moved the sleeve away from my face
She took a deep breath, before blurting it out with rapid speed "I haven't had my thing, and it's been a whole month ever since...that day."
"Yeah but Visha I don't understand." I snickered
Victorya's face went sour as I called her by her nickname, she liked it when other people called her it but when it was me, she liked it when it was more formal due to us being in a relationship.
I consoled her how I would just call her Victorya normally but I liked seeing her face go sour when I called her it.
"We didn't use protection...and don't call me that!" she yelled out
"Fine, but I still don't understand."
She stared at me strangely like I had no idea what she was talking about, it was true at the same time I had zero clue what she was talking about.
Her eyes shot open and lightly closed dramatically, she began to unbutton the bottom of her jacket as she began to lightly rub her hand over it.
"I might...I might be pregnant." she stuttered
I stared at her dumbfounded, how could this be possible? I knew we did that but I didn't realize how easy it was.
"Holy shit." I blurted out as I shot up from her lap, I ran my own fingers through my hair.
I was a dad now, what was I going to do? I stared at Victorya who seemed anxious, she looked like she was worried about something.
Wait did she think I wasn't going to take responsibility, was that why she didn't tell me earlier?
"It's fine...I love you Victorya and I will love this baby too." I promised
I rested my hand along her stomach, I knew that it was too early to feel a kick or a heartbeat, but it felt reassuring to feel the warmth of it.
It felt strange, I made dozens of graveyards and stacked them with corpses. This was the only pure thing I had ever done, this child would not turn out like me.
He would go to school, enjoy his childhood, make friends, he would live a happy life. He would especially stay away from guns, I would be damned to get my child involved with law work or the army.
Not like the lives I lived where I had to think of where I was going to get my next meal from, he would grow up with two parents that loved him. But as I kept on daydreaming I realized something.
How would me and Victorya ever leave, sure Victorya could tell Tanya about the pregnancy and she would be shipped back home. But she was an aerial mage with double the amount of mana, command would make up some lame excuse and make the kid live with his grandparents or Karl and she would be shipped back with me.
I would constantly be sent to every dangerous front in the war, the armor could protect me from bullets and explosives but it won't be able to protect me from winter or the heat of summer.
Even any vacation provided too was rare, I would barely even get too see my child, and with the lack of money I was pulling in from the military I would barely have enough to send to him.
Me and Victorya were fucked either way, unless we ran away. The Unified States was this world's United States,my past life was slowly going away but I could still recount the lessons my father taught me about tending land by heart. If I was able to get Victorya and the child out and sent to the Unified States they would be safe.
And if I was able to fake my own death I could escape on a ship heading there, I could even get me and Victorya to fill out passports.
With Anes and Claire's money we could buy a nice plot of land and live out the rest of our days there, I could buy us a ranch and that would make a good source of income.
Sure I was deserting, but this kid would grow up with a family. My dad taught me how to find out the difference between seeds and ways to check if the soil on the land was good enough for planting or raising cattle.
He was a good man, and if mom stopped grandpa, then dad would have lived and maybe we could have been a complete family. No, that's just me trying to look at that in rose colored glasses.
In my last world, a relationship between a black man and a white woman was not allowed.
Luckily in this world me and Victorya were able to have a relationship like this, god really was not lying when he tossed me in a situation where my skin wouldn't matter.
I told her what I was planning and she began to instantly look down on her shoes. "Frank I don't know...if Tanya finds out about you deserting or even planning then she will turn you in."
"I will kill her before that happens." I blurted out, Victorya's eyes widened in shock but I didn't falter.
If Tanya or anybody stopped us I will kill them, Victorya and the child must live, it wouldn't matter if I died they must live long happy lives. My purpose now was to make sure that they were safe, no matter the cost they would live a life free from war and dire straits.
Victorya stared at me trying to see if I was joking, but she didn't see a smile or a laugh escape my lips. I thought she was going to scold me or even tell me how what I was planning was crazy but all she did was run her hands through my hair.
"My mom will be mad, but I think she will understand."
"Anes and Claire will be too, but they will support us...what do you think he will look like?" I said trying to change the tone of the conversation to something more upbeat
"He, what if we have a girl?" she said as she cupped my face
"It doesn't matter what we have, as long as we raise them right. I will be happy."
Victorya stared at me with a mix of sorrow and happiness in her eyes, she was going to eventually abandon the empire to move away too a whole new country.
I was leaving everything behind, but there wasn't really anything for me here anyway except her. Until me and her got settled in on the other side she wouldn't be able to contact Karl and her mother, we would become ghost.
I knew I was pressing a heavy weight on her shoulders but Victorya knew how eventually we had to leave.
"I hope it looks like you Frank, I hope the child has your hair." Victorya said as she broke into a smile
"Why, I always thought having hair like this would be hard to prepare."
"A lot of the men on my side of my family suffer from hair loss, Karl has been wearing a wig for a while now." she confessed
I began to lightly laugh under my breath, I didn't want Victorya to hear me because I knew how she felt about her uncle Karl. She really thought of him as a second father, and I knew that leaving him without a warning was going to cause her to worry.
"I love you Victorya...Graham." I whispered, I was going to use her original last name but I paused. Calling her that with my last name was something I never did before, but when I said it, I realized how real our relationship was.
Her mouth opened like she was about to say something, but she quickly began to button up her jacket as we both instantly shot up.
Tanya appeared throwing the tent flap over her shoulder, it began to lightly rain causing little droplets of rain to run down her porcelain face, for a second she could be compared to a doll crying.
But could Tanya Degurchaff even cry, or rather experience any emotion
She stared at us suspiciously as she narrowed her eyes, me and Victorya were very tense and it was very obvious from how our backs were pointed straight towards the sky.
"I am going to need you ready in five, we are going to attack a factory." she said as she rethrown the tent flap and we heard the splat of her boots against the freshly wet soil.
Me and Victorya quickly got up, I grabbed her body and quickly brought it closer for a second right before we left.
"Frank we have to go." she purred into my ear
"I know...just a little longer...Visha."
"Frank!" she yelled as she pushed herself off of me, as we both left the tent I was violently laughing as she began to purposely speed walk ahead of me.
When we linked up with the main group we ascended through the air dodging the harsh winds, the eyeholes of the armor were getting filled to the brim with water and I would occasionally have to wipe them with my glove to get them out of the hole.
I made a mental note to myself for me to take a little towel for situations like these, even when I placed mana into my helmet the night vision was still incapable of seeing due to the water.
It just got to a point where I attached the helmet to my belt and flew without it, Victorya when nobody would look would occasionally wipe my face with her handkerchief to get the sweat and the rain out of my face.
She was truly the nicest girl that I had ever met, she spent a whole month of hell with the 203rd and she was just going to abandon it all for me. I knew that I didn't deserve her, I could live maybe a hundred lives and she would still deserve better.
We stopped over a vibrant city filled with lights and boats that scurried in and out of the city, buildings, factories, warehouses were piled here. Just a bunch of people doing their jobs and living there life comfortably because they were far away enough from the war.
Wait what we were even doing here, this was basically a civilian city what was Tanya planning on us doing.
She spoke into the microphone, she asked the guys in the factory to surrender but her voice was different. She intentionally made her voice higher to make it sound like a fourteen year old girl was just pulling a prank, while in reality a wolf was hiding in the skin of a sheep.
When it was done, she began to scream orders about using mage bullets against the factory. But weren't they just civilians?
All the members in a sort of hysteria all lifted there guns in enusian, I even readied the mg-44, seeing the faint brownish mana envelop my gun.
I looked to the side of me to see Victorya, her eyes were glowing a faint iridescent light blue as she was about to ready her shot.
Wait was she actually going to do it? Just mindlessly kill a bunch of factory workers that were just doing their job, some of the bullets could ricochet and hit other buildings causing massive explosions or raging fires that could last for days maybe even weeks!
I really was a hypocrite, this was probably how Victorya thought when she would look at me when I used the A.P.A armor, she knew that I didn't enjoy it. But she saw me slaughter men behind that mask as I awaited my next order.
An obedient machine that was able to hide its face and emotions behind a pair of red eyes and a metal mask.
I wielded the strongest gun...because I couldn't compare to Tanya.
I had the strongest armor...because I was the weakest.
And as brilliant flashes of light enveloped the city all I could do was watch as the once dazzling city was annihilated in front of me. Our child would have to grow up in the aftermath of this, he would read books of us brutally finding a loophole and killing a bunch of civilians.
Maybe after he read those fancy books he would come home from school and ask me and Victorya about these atrocities that were commited, because he would want to know about his heritage.
How would we react?
Could we lie to him and tell him how we were never there, maybe we could get away with that...but the memories of our sins could never possibly go away. And like a shadow they will follow us wherever we go, and prey on us when we dream.
I'm a machine or rathor a monster...it feels wrong to call myself a soldier, I really am a conflicted self-centered bastard
When we were done I holstered back my gun, nobody realized I didn't pull the trigger except maybe Victorya who would take occasional glances back at me.
She was stronger than me, a couple of hours ago I thought I would be the one protecting her but in reality she was the one protecting me.
Protecting me from the madness of loneliness and the lack of purpose, without her I would fully succumb to darkness.
And as we flew back to the base she flew closer to me, she would tap my knuckle with her index finger until our hands were lightly touching each other.
It felt good having her next to me.