As he made his way back into town from Joan's farm, Martin could feel the tension flowing through his body. Up ahead he could see he was coming around to one of his favourite spots overlooking the bay, pulled the car over to the side of the road and made his way over to the deserted outlook area.
It really is one of the most beautiful parts of the world. He thought. Pity the people who live here are mad. Why can't they just mind their own business and leave me alone. Surely there is something more interesting going on here than my relationship with Louisa! And Louisa, now she's probably upset with me for the way I spoke with her. I wouldn't be surprised if she calls it all off between us.
Letting out a big sigh, he made his way further along the path to where a bench was overlooking the cliffs.
What's the point? I can't even make it to the second date with Louisa without mucking it up. She's probably at home now regretting spending the night with me. I knew it wouldn't work.
What would a beautiful, social, vivacious woman want with a tosser like me anyway? She's probably sitting at home glad that she's rid of me.
Oh god. Now we're going to have to go back to being just 'friends'... And she'll meet someone new... Someone who isn't so difficult... Someone like Danny. And I'll have to watch them be charming and happy and all 'couply' around the village.
A loud rumbling overhead shook him from his reverie and Martin could see the dark clouds rolling in on the horizon. Knowing if he stayed any longer he'd be caught in the storm, he quickly made his way back to the car and drove home.
XxxxxxxxxxxX
As Martin cleaned up in the consulting room following his morning of patients, his mood was as dark as the day before. He'd spent all morning warding off enquiries about the state of his relationship with Louisa, if they'd spent the night together, or if Louisa had finally come to her senses and dropped him. One particularly forward patient even had the gall to ask whether it was Martin's first time with a woman and if he would share the details, when Martin had lost his temper and ordered everyone out of the surgery.
Now that his temper had cooled, he could see how badly he'd reacted to their goading, and how unfair of him it was to take his anger out on Louisa. She was the woman that he loved and wanted to spend his life with, and he had used his frustration at the village as a vehicle to drive a wedge in their relationship. He thought back to the night of the concert, and what Louisa had said to him.
It's us Martin. We're not going anywhere, and we never will.
She was right. They weren't going anywhere because he wouldn't let them. Every time they were on track to move forward, he would sabotage things. She didn't deserve to be treated that way, and she certainly deserved better than him.
I'm sorry Martin, I'm really, really sorry, but I don't want to see you anymore.
She had tried to move on from this 'back and forth' relationship that they had, and he hadn't been able to let it go, so he pursued her. Sure, he didn't mean for Pauline to send that first letter, but his goal from the research had always been to try and get a second chance to be in a relationship with her. And now, to make matters worse, they'd spent the night together. He now knew what it was to make love to someone, not just have sex, and it was both the best and the worst thing to happen to him. He knew he'd never find anyone that he cared about as much as Louisa, and he finally understood what it felt like to be heartbroken... To know that he'd had a chance at happiness, and it was now out of his reach… that it was all his fault.
Hearing the clock chime from the next room, he shook his head, as if to shake the melancholy from it. Looking at his watch, he could see it was time to check on Joan if he wanted to be there before nightfall, so he picked up his medical bag and headed out the door.