Chapter Eighteen

Kyoya

I had gone too far with her. I had let myself say too much, do too much to the innocent creature that was snoring softly beside me. She was far, far too precious to have to experience my words and actions toward her.

It had been a mistake, a lapse of judgement on my end. Despite her consistent reassurance, I truly felt that I had overstepped my boundaries with Kana. She was far too inexperienced to know what she truly wanted from a sexual relationship, and I had more or less forced my desires on to her. What if I had warped her understanding of what a typical relationship looked like?

Perhaps her upbringing could be blamed. She was repressed, kept from exploring her desires, whatever those might be. She would naturally fall for a relationship that presented itself in such a controlling manner.

The thought nearly made me sick. Sure, a lot of my clients had daddy issues of their own, but I refused to allow myself exploit Kana in that way.

I needed to give her space, I decided. Kana needed time to consider if a relationship with me would be something she could handle. Maybe she needed to experience another, a more typical lover…

I stood up, feeling angry at the thought of someone else having her. Why, why was I so possessive of this girl? Was it because I knew she could easily outsmart me?

Why couldn't I understand my feelings toward her?

I went to Kana's bathroom and tugged on my jeans before I quietly left her bedroom. She had passed out almost instantly. I didn't know how late the twins had kept her out the night before, but she was clearly in need of more sleep. Part of me wanted to leave her home, the other part wanted to finally get around to the exploring I had intended to do earlier.

Curiosity got the better of me. I wandered into Kana's library and began going through the volumes that lined the entire side wall. She was obviously very well-read. I had very little doubt that she had been through every book that she owned.

After a few minutes of browsing I was able to somewhat determine how she had arranged her books. There was a section for technical manuals, another for classics, then further sections for various types of fiction. Judging by the amount, I gathered that the particularly enjoyed fantasy novels. The vast majority of her volumes were in English, naturally. Fortunately I was fluent enough to understand the unfamiliar titles.

It wasn't long before I found what I was looking for. Kanami had apparently gathered quite the collection of romance novels, many with titles corny enough to bring a smirk to my face. I found myself flipping through one of them, my eyes widening at the explicitly detailed scene I found within the first few pages.

So this is where she had learned from. I had always thought Sleeping Beauty to be a children's fairy tale, but this was far, far beyond the innocent story that I had previously known.

I wondered vaguely how she'd react if I called her my Beauty…

No. I couldn't let my mind go there. Not for now, anyway. I had to let her figure out how she felt before I pursued the matter further.

I returned the book to its place on the shelf. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket before I had a chance to select another title.

"Hm?" I answered with an annoyed sigh.

"KYOYA!" Tamaki's voice rang from the other end. "I tried ringing you at home but your butler said you were out."

"My butler was right."

There was a long pause.

"Well then where are you?!"

"Do you really need to know?" I rubbed my forehead. Tamaki could be incredibly overbearing.

"This is an urgent matter!"

"Fine, I'm at Kana's. What do you want?"

"Kyoya, you know she was out with the devil twins last night?" Tamaki's voice dropped to a loud whisper, as though he were afraid Kana would somehow hear him over the speaker.

"Why do you think I'm here?" I rolled my eyes. "Is that all?"

"And you know she sent Honey a box of candy from America?"

I didn't, actually. "Why is this such a concern?"

"SHE'S BEEN FRIENDLY WITH EVERYONE BUT ME!" Tamaki sputtered. "If she's going to be seeing you, she should at least talk to your best friend!"

"We aren't exactly 'seeing' each other."

"Then why are you at her house?"

"Because she's incredibly hung over, Tamaki. If you don't mind, I need to-"

"Wait, you're not seeing her?" Tamaki sounded somewhat hurt at the thought.

"I've told you before, this is nothing but an arrangement between the two of us." And I had to keep it that way, for now, until I truly understood what she felt.

"You still can't admit it, can you?"

"There's nothing to admit." I growled. "I took things too far, alright? I might've let a few things slip. I told her I'd stay until she woke up, so I'm here."

"Oh." Tamaki paused for a moment. "That's not like you, Kyoya."

"Trust me, I've been regretting it for at least an hour now." I sat down on the couch. "Listen, if you breathe a word of this to the twins-"

"Your secret is safe with me!" Tamaki seemed almost giddy at my admission. "How did she take it?"

"Take what?"

"I'm assuming you've introduced your Dominant side to her." His voice grew husky. "Was she a good girl?"

I considered my words carefully. Tamaki was the only other member of the Host Club that knew just how controlling I could be. "She was open to it, Tamaki. Maybe a bit too much. I didn't want her first encounter to be so sudden. I should've given her more time to consider, I suppose. I'm worried I brought her in too quickly."

"She's getting the better of you, isn't she?"

"To say the least. Dammit." I rested my chin in my palm. "I gave her the option to explore other pursuits, and she understands that I'll still have clients."

"So, what are you worried about then?" He prodded.

"I don't want her to be with anyone else." My voice shook. "I've never cared about that Tamaki, you know? She's just-"

"You should tell her, Kyoya."

"I can't." I spat. "I can't. She has to come to the conclusion herself. I won't let myself interfere with what she wants. I'm afraid that if she commits to me she'll never know anything else but control. You know about how her mother treats her, right? She deserves more than that. More than me, Tamaki. Fuck."

"I thought the same of Haruhi, you know. Not with the control, but in general." Tamaki mused. "Sometimes the right person walks into your life-"

"You know I don't believe in that nonsense."

"Haruhi understood that I could never physically belong to just her, but she would always have my heart. Maybe Kana understands you."

"Perhaps." I couldn't let myself truly believe that, as much as I wanted to.

"Say, Kyoya?"

"Hm?"

"Maybe I could make love to her. You know I'm basically the opposite of you-"

"Goodbye Tamaki." I scowled, ending the call.