Author's Note: Did I say a day early? I meant nine late. No, not really, just that it ended up being that way anyway. Past this little delay, everything should go up on Mondays for the next few weeks, and with no delays due to lack of time to write.
Lily didn't like the feeling of having forgotten something important. It was a nagging worry that just wouldn't go away, one that she couldn't ignore because it was entirely possible she had forgotten something. She knew better than to dismiss it, no matter how much she might hope it was a baseless fear.
She shifted, her eyes still stubbornly closed, though the irrational racing of her heart promised no more sleep to be had. She had woken with a start, but there was no reason. None aside from the certainty that she was missing something.
A quick look around yielded no hints. Everyone was where they usually slept, everyone was asleep, and nobody else was around. There were no intruders, no clandestine conversations being held in secret. The latter really was something only she and Crystal did, anyway.
Her next check was not one done by sight. She shifted her tail, feeling along Crystal's side, and quickly located the end of her tail, sliding it aside to feel the warm, smooth texture of her egg. All was well with that, too.
So it was not something currently going wrong. She still felt as if she was not noticing something, or had forgotten something important. What was it? She had so much going on, so many little hints and threads left hanging, that she might never notice if one had gone wrong, but then why would she be worried at all?
Crystal shifted in her sleep, her side pressing against Lily a little more firmly. Her breathing quickened for a while, and then slowed back down to something approaching normal, all without any apparent reason.
What was bothering her? Crystal and her egg were fine. Pina and Dew had seemed more or less content, barring the injuries Claw had inflicted on them, and there was nothing Lily could do about that. Diora was a problem, but one Lily planned to deal with when the time was right. None of that was going to come back and bite her if she did not do anything about it, so her unease did not stem from any of them.
But who else was there, if not them? The obvious answer was not helpful; of course, Claw was a danger, but what mattered was how, and that required she know what she was missing. If she did nothing, what would he do? How would inaction come back to bite her?
What did Claw normally do that she would not want to see happen again?
Lily exhaled loudly as it came to her. If she didn't do anything, if she continued on her current course, another ceremony would soon come around, and more young males might die. She should be interfering, stopping that from happening in one way or another. Now, when everyone was packed together and privacy thus easier to obtain if one was willing to be outside, was the perfect time to start on that.
She needed to prevent any more deaths, and in the process ideally gain a few more like-minded fledglings on the cusp of adulthood. And she needed to do it now, before Claw got around to manipulating the males into wanting to challenge, before anyone got their minds set on what was going to happen.
That had to be it. The lingering sense of having forgotten something important didn't disappear with her realization, but she felt comfortable ignoring it now that she understood the cause. Forgetting something terrible and preventable that happened every season-cycle was a stupid and gut-wrenching thing. Suddenly remembering it even made sense, given what had happened just that day; seeing Crystal with an egg of her own would of course draw her mind to the male who should have been the one to Sire said egg, and thus by extension to how he died.
Not to say she consciously thought of any of that, but clearly it was lurking in the back of her mind, for her to wake in the middle of the night worrying about it. Maybe she had dreamed of it; she didn't remember, but many dreams didn't last upon waking.
And now that she had reminded herself to take action, she could try and salvage the rest of the night. Between her usual subtle insinuations and hints, helping care for two eggs, withstanding Claw, and now also somehow managing to prevent deaths at the next ceremony, she was going to need all the rest she could get.
O-O-O-O-O
The sound of wet fish slapping against stone was a strange one; on the one paw, annoying because it pulled Lily from a pleasant doze, and on the other, extremely appealing because it was fish. Lily wavered between annoyance and hunger until the smell wafted over. Her stomach settled her internal conflict with a loud rumble.
"Is this enough?" she heard a male asking diffidently. That combined with the presence of fish was more than enough to clue her in as to what was going on.
"For now. Come back later in case I want more," Honey replied happily. "Wait, no, stay here and wait for me."
"We have our own families to provide for," the male replied with more than a hint of irritation. "Claw only told us to bring fish to you in the morning."
"I can get Claw to change that," Honey threatened.
"Fine," the male sighed. "My daughter can wait, I suppose." His voice was so downcast Lily was almost certain he was faking it, or at least exaggerating. "She always whines when I am late, and I suppose now she will have no food at all for as long as you keep us here…"
"Just go," Honey whined, sounding extremely guilty. "I have enough, go."
"Of course," the male said quickly, leaving as he spoke, if the sound of claws on stone was any indication.
Lily pushed down her surprise and thought about what she had just learned. Honey could be guilt-tripped into certain things with the right approach, and at least one of Claw's males was adept at exactly that sort of manipulation. She would have to discreetly find out who that male was; skill at manipulation was not something she could ignore. He would make a particularly valuable ally.
Or a particularly dangerous foe, if she could not coopt him in a safe way. Without knowing who he was, she couldn't be sure that he would be susceptible.
Then again, she thought to herself, she had yet to find someone who would not listen when she actually tried to convince them of something, aside from the obvious outliers of Bone, Claw, Cressa, and possibly Diora. It seemed unlikely that some random male who had at least a small amount of intelligence would be like them; they were exceptions, not the rule.
Then her stomach rumbled again, and she realized that she was lying almost within reach of a pile of fish, hungry but not actually doing anything about it. Her eyes snapped open almost of their own accord, and she put aside her musing to deal with more immediate concerns.
"These are mine," Honey immediately hissed, glaring directly at Lily. A small pile of fish, more than one dragon could comfortably eat in one sitting but not so large as to be ludicrously more than needed, was right in front of her. There was something amusing about the way she glared at Lily from behind the pile.
"If you will not share, then I will not ask," Lily declared, giving up the hope of easy food. She would just steal from the pile meant for Claw and his mates, as she always did. Having food delivered right to one's chamber was only necessary if one couldn't leave.
Like, say, if one had an egg. Lily looked over at Crystal, and then at Honey, who was busying herself with pawing through the pile and looking at her food, only occasionally taking one. The contrast was painfully obvious. The compliant, happy mate got pampered, and the unhappy, resistant mate got absolutely nothing.
"Will you share with your fellow new Dam when she wakes?" Lily asked softly. She expected that the answer would be no, but if she thought of Honey as her fledgling, just like the rest of the pack, she could stop herself from being angered by that, and possibly even correct it.
"Claw said not to," Honey replied quickly. "He said I should not share."
"I did not ask if you should," Lily continued in a soft voice, meeting Honey's gaze with what she hoped was a calm, expectant look. "I asked if you will."
"Claw does not want me to."
"Why?"
"I do not know and I do not care," Honey declared. "You just want some for yourself."
"If you offered me some right now I would not take it," Lily said firmly. "This is not about me. Will you?"
"She can get her own," Honey grumbled. "Claw had them bring fish for me, not her."
"Why?" Lily asked, keeping her voice calm. She hadn't even risen from her place by Crystal's side, which was an intentional decision on her part. This had to remain a calm, quiet discussion, so as to not wake anyone else or get Honey mad and uncooperative.
"Why?" Honey seemed confused by that question. She tilted her head, staring at Lily. "Because."
"Why you and not her too?" Lily asked. She thought she had the tone and attitude right; Honey was acting more and more like a fledgling who was being lectured by her Dam, and hadn't once protested Lily's tone. That meant she was subtle enough that Honey didn't realize that was exactly the feeling she was trying to impart.
"Because..." Honey shrugged her wings. "I do not know."
Lily felt like she was going in circles, but she pressed on anyway. "Can you guess?"
"No," Honey said sullenly.
"I can," Lily replied. "And I think you already know what I would say, so we can just go without saying it." Worst-case scenario, if Honey told all of this to Claw, Lily wanted to be able to truthfully deny saying anything against him. She could easily spin all she had said to Honey into being an attempted lesson in sharing, and a mistaken belief that Honey had lied about Claw's request of keeping her food to herself. It would be simple to deflect any suspicion on Claw's part; he already knew Lily cared about Crystal, and the rest could all be attributed to that as long as she kept it vague.
"I will share if it gets you to stop bothering me about it," Honey announced petulantly, not meeting Lily's gaze, now, staring down at the pile that was just a little too big to be a coincidence.
Lily would bet, were there anything of value to wager and anyone to wager with, that Claw had given the males he assigned to Honey very specific instructions on how much fish to give her. It fit with why he had not moved her out of this small side-cavern in the first place, if he wanted to pamper her. He wanted to make the contrast obvious[3] . Crystal being with egg was just a lucky coincidence to make it hurt all the more.
None of that was as important as what Honey had just said, however. "You will?" Lily asked, trying to keep the incredulity she felt out of her voice.
"Yes, so can we stop talking about it?" Honey requested rudely, lowering her head to hide behind the pile of fish.
"We can," Lily granted, still surprised. She had not expected Honey to so easily change her mind and go against Claw, even if in such a small way.
Then again, she hadn't expected Honey to be guilted into letting that male leave, either. She needed to revise her opinion of Honey; she clearly had a conscience, even if it didn't always show in her actions or words. There was good in her, buried but present.
That made Lily happy; she purred quietly to herself. She felt like progress had been made, however slight, and was content with it. When Crystal woke, she not find a tantalizing pile of food barred from her out of spite on Claw's part. It would be an unexpected and decidedly pleasant surprise, coming from Honey, which could only serve to improve Crystal's mood further.
"Who will watch the eggs today?" Honey asked, breaking the brief silence between them. "I want to go out flying tomorrow, so I cannot do so then. It is you and Crystal who will cover for me, right?"
Lily nodded agreeably. "Right, I can take care of the eggs tomorrow," she offered. Her days were mostly unproductive out of necessity anyway; this at least was an activity that she would have to partake in whether or not lying low was necessary. She would not feel she was wasting time when she cared for the eggs.
"I can do today, then," Honey concluded, "And Crystal the day after you."
"Of course." Lily knew for a fact that Crystal had as much free time as she did; that addition to her responsibilities would not be difficult for her to manage.
The rotating schedule they had just set up did have another consequence, Lily realized. She would be devoid of a spy one day out of every three, with Honey reliably stuck in their chamber. Assuming Claw did not set someone else to cover her, that was…
But if he was going to do that, he probably hadn't yet. Lily resolved to keep an eye out for a potentially more competent spy.
Then her stomach complained once more, gurgling so loudly she flinched at the noise, and she rose to her paws. Finding out whether she had a new light wing tailing her could wait, and so could looking into the next season-cycle of fledglings. Right now, she had a routine bit of thievery to perform and a simple need to sate.
O-O-O-O-O
Her hunger assuaged and her options limited, it wasn't even noon before Lily found herself seeking out information on the next season-cycle's upcoming adults. Crystal was nowhere to be found, apparently having gone for a long flight to clear her head, and so Lily found herself turning to her next best source of information on the younger side of the pack.
Not directly, of course; Mist had made clear her desire to be indistinguishable from the rest of the pack. Lily just happened to plop down right next to Mist by way of visibly seeking a good place to hunker down and warm up in the crowded main cavern, by chance deciding to wedge her way between Mist and the snoring male next to her.
"That is my Sire you are poking," Mist observed quietly, looking straight ahead as if she didn't care.
"He's a sound sleeper," Lily replied, not at all embarrassed by being caught carefully shoving at the sleeping male next to her in an attempt to gain just a little more space. "I have a question for you."
"Ask and I will try to answer," Mist said quietly, still refusing to even make eye contact. In the loud commotion of the cavern, their words would go unheard by anyone around them, so as long as she did not appear to be engaging in conversation, nobody would notice.
"I need to know everything you know about the males and females who will be joining you at the ceremony this coming hot-season," Lily said bluntly, "starting with how many of each there are, and their names."
"That is easy," Mist purred, sounding relieved. "There are six of us. Myself, Danda, and Liona are competing for Root, Cedar, and Ash."
"Three each," Lily mused. That would make things easy; she had feared there would be more males than females, like her own season-cycle. All she had to do to prevent death was ensure the natural outcome of such a grouping proceeded as it should. "Tell me about them."
"The males?"
"Everyone you spoke of," Lily clarified. "Start with the males, though." She wanted to match the males to the females, not the other way around, because the males had to be sure of their choices in order to want to ensure they remained alive to actually choose. Convincing the females to go along with her matchups would be necessary, but beginning with the males made more sense.
"Root is quiet, easy to tease, and totally his Dam's little hatchling sometimes," Mist said quickly, her eyes slowly travelling around the crowded chamber, lingering on everyone but Lily. In that respect she was entirely indistinguishable from everyone else, though for a different reason.
"Cedar," she continued a moment later, "is a show-off who truly believes he should have the pick of us females. He likes to chase whoever he thinks is going to be the most impressive as a mate, an opinion that changes with every passing day. Ash is an idiot who likes to ram his head into trees out in the forest just to watch them shake."
The trees… Something twinged in the back of Lily's mind, but she ignored it. She knew that she needed to get out into the forest for Crystal's sake, but the males were still taking turns guarding the frigid skies and ensuring neither she nor Crystal left the valley. For now, there was nothing to be done.
"As for the females, Danda and Liona are sisters," Mist revealed. "Danda is older by three moon-cycles, and from what I have heard, Liona's egg was an accident. Having two so close together does seem like a bad idea, so I believe that."
"It does seem hard," Lily agreed.
"Yes. But do not say anything about it to Liona. Danda uses it as an insult when she is really mad at her little sister, and it is a sore spot," Mist advised. "Danda is spiteful when angered, but usually calm, so you only see that every once in a great while. Liona is quiet and careful. That is all I have for you."
"Thank you," Lily purred. "But there is one more thing."
"Yes. Why do you need to know?" Mist asked bluntly. Her eyes flicked over to Lily for a single heartbeat before returning to their ranging of everything but her.
"I plan to ensure that no male dies, and no female lacks a mate," Lily revealed. It was a goal that had no obvious treasonous undertones unless one knew that Claw verbally pushed the males into challenging so as to have more females for himself, so it was relatively safe to reveal, and Mist-
"A very good goal," Mist remarked vehemently, almost turning her head to look at her before remembering why they were not conversing normally in the first place and correcting herself. "How will you know who should be paired with who?"
"I will reason through it," Lily replied confidently. "Do Liona or Danda have preferences?" That would need to be taken into consideration.
"Not that I know. I just know that Danda may very well choose the same male as Liona if she is feeling spiteful when she makes her choice. I myself cannot choose. All three have their weak points."
"Best to look at the bright sides, then," Lily said carefully. "Tell me one good thing about each of them." She knew Mist and had asked her for her help in getting started, so it seemed only fair she figure out Mist's part of the puzzle first. There were only three possible pairings, so it shouldn't be hard.
"One good thing?" Mist shrugged her wing shoulders. "I suppose Cedar wants to be respected, if he wants the best possible mate. Ash would be easily led around if I wanted. Root seems to think everything is a story in the making. He is funny like that."
Lily purred at the amusement in Mist's voice. "I think it's obvious that you'd be best suited to Root," she said. "He is the only one you could come up with a positive for that did not sound forced."
Mist blinked, otherwise hiding her surprise quite well. Only her eyes gave it away. "I had not thought of it like that," she admitted. "I do not really like him so much, but he is entertaining to listen to when he gets like that. I could do worse."
"I'll get back to you on it," Lily decided, standing and deftly avoiding Mist's Sire as she stepped away. "Any idea how I could find any of the others without obviously asking around?"
"We all get together to do things every few days," Mist revealed. "We fly around over the valley, most of the time. Just follow us when we do that."
"I will," Lily promised. That was convenient; not only would she be able to find them all discretely, she would be able to observe them together. She had only just started, but already her plan to avert death and deprive Claw of any new mates was well on its way.
O-O-O-O-O
That night, Lily returned to the side-cavern to find something abominable already occurring. She slipped through the entrance and hunched over in the far corner, hating herself for being able to do nothing more than cover her own ears. The muffled sounds of pain that got through her imperfect defense hurt her heart and made her hope a single day's reprieve was enough. Pina had not been around to lure Claw away this night.
Then it was her turn, and she bore it, though her body felt battered and abused once it was over. She slept badly that night, and did not feel as though she had rested at all.
But life continued on, regardless of whether she might want it to pause and let her rest a little before continuing, and early the next morning Honey set her egg right in front of her.
"Take good care of it," Honey warned, sounding uncharacteristically solemn. "Please?"
Lily, groggy and aching all over, looked up at Honey with bleary eyes. "I'm not going anywhere," she quipped, forcing herself to ignore the pain. It would not help anything to have Honey worried over nothing, though it was another good sign that she would worry at all. "I promise."
"Thank you," Honey purred.
Lily pulled the egg down to rest between her and Crystal, tucking it up right next to Crystal's own. There was no fear of mixing them together and losing track of whose was whose; each had its own distinctive smell, a mixture of Dam and Sire along with the sharp scent of eggshell and whatever else lay within. Lily was entirely sure she could have sorted any number of eggs out so long as they were all from different pairings.
Crystal shifted and woke, possibly confused by the multiplication of round, heat-absorbing objects against her side. "It is early," she moaned.
"Honey does not seem to care," Lily remarked. "You can sleep late. I know I will." Ignored or not, her pain meant that her body needed time to recuperate. The same was undoubtedly true for Crystal.
Crystal groaned unintelligibly, shifting on her stomach. She sounded miserable. "No flying… Today."
"Not today," Lily agreed. She would much rather her friend rest, even if it was one of her days free of the responsibility of caring for her egg. Claw's attention had not been kind to either of them, but that was just one of the hazards of the horrible place they found themselves in. It could only be weathered in the present, and hopefully stopped in the future. For now, all they could do was endure.
O-O-O-O-O
Lily couldn't remember the last time she had been truly alone, entirely out of sight of absolutely anyone else. She was not alone even now, though the chamber was empty aside from her and the eggs she kept warm. Someone could walk in at any moment.
This was not solitude. It was close, but not quite. Lily was staring at her tailfin, willing the few tiny patches of thin membrane to thicken up and pull together faster. She could risk flying now, and it would more than likely be fine, but to fail would be to deprive the pack of the only one who could save and fix them. It was irresponsible to risk herself when she could see that a little more time spent waiting would guarantee a favorable outcome.
So, for now, she could only think back and contemplate just how long it had been since she enjoyed the freedom of knowing that absolutely nobody could walk in on her at any moment, or fly up to her, or seek her out. Since Cressa had grounded her, for sure, but in the days leading up to that she had not really seen a need for solitude, so possibly even longer than that. She missed it.
Maybe Crystal missed it too. She had said she was going out for water, fish, and nothing more, but it had been far too long for that to be true. Lily did not begrudge her friend deciding to stay out longer; if she felt up to it, she might as well. Only one of them had to remain behind for the day, and Lily had volunteered to be that light wing today. Crystal would be taking her place tomorrow.
So, for now, alone but not really alone, Lily eyed her tail and occasionally hummed something soft and meaningless for the benefit of the eggs. She felt as if she should be doing something more, like talking to the eggs, telling stories or teaching lessons, but it all came back around to solitude and privacy.
She did not want to risk talking when anyone could walk in at any moment. They were not truly alone, the three of them, so she could not say anything for fear of accidentally crossing from innocent topics to something dangerous. It was a silly fear, given she had more than enough self-control to keep herself from doing so, but it held her back all the same.
It also gave her something to ponder and distract herself with, which was why she was thinking about it at all. Distraction was good, and it just wasn't possible to keep her mind on important things like planning and strategizing all the time; she knew all too well what it felt like to run her head into a mental wall over and over again in frustration, only to solve the problem the moment she stopped agonizing over it.
A soft bark broke Lily out of her introspection. "Come in," she called out, knowing only that the one barking was polite and female, thus ruling out anyone she would want to keep out.
Granite's Dam cautiously entered the chamber, glancing upward as her raised ears brushed the low ceiling. "Is Crystal here?" she asked.
"Not today. Tomorrow she will be here all day," Lily replied politely. "Did you come to congratulate her?"
"In a sense," Granite's Dam agreed, her voice quiet and withdrawn. She didn't seem all that happy, though that could very well just be her current disappointment at Crystal's absence.
"Well, she might return soon," Lily offered. "You can stay and wait a while." She wasn't going to let Granite's Dam feel unwelcome, and she certainly wasn't going to let a chance at beginning to convert someone slip by untaken when it was so perfect.
"No, I will come back," Granite's Dam decided. She didn't leave immediately, though, looking at the eggs against Lily's side.
"When you do," Lily said, trying to lead Granite's Dam into a conversation, "try not to mention Claw."
"They are his," Granite's Dam said. "I should complement the Sire."
"She wouldn't really appreciate that." Lily wasn't liking what she was seeing in the other female's demeanor; there was far too little motivation and far too much caution.
"Maybe, but it is his due," Granite's Dam retorted.
"You didn't come here to complement him," Lily shot back. "And given we both know whose eggs Crystal would rather have had-"
"He is dead," Granite's Dam whined loudly. "We all have to move on."
"Moving on doesn't mean forgetting." Lily could sense that she wasn't getting through to her. The annoyed, resigned expression on the face of Granite's Dam was as far as one could get from being open to new ideas.
"But forgetting does mean I have moved on," she countered neutrally, seemingly unaware of how terrible that sounded, and slipped out of the chamber.
Lily was glad she had left when she did; that last comment was enraging, but she couldn't do anything with the eggs in her care. Even getting up to chase after Granite's Dam and continue the argument would endanger them, and she was not going to fail her best friend and break her trust, not when there was any way to avoid it.
Besides, she shouldn't be mad at her anyway. She was just trying to cope and not hate Claw, whatever her motives. The pain was still fresh, and Claw still all-powerful in her eyes. Surely she would not be so fatalistic and cold once there was a little more time between her and her loss.
Or perhaps not. Lily knew that she didn't need every single light wing to openly support her; in some cases, it might be enough to know that certain individuals wouldn't oppose her aims. She wasn't about to settle for that just yet, but for the moment there was nothing more she could do except take Granite's Dam off of her mental list of easy marks. She would not be easy to convince if it could be done at all.
O-O-O-O-O
It was cold and windy outside, and Lily only bore it out of necessity. Crystal was watching the eggs, Honey was likely in the cavern as Lily could not imagine her bearing the cold outside just to spy, and the six light wings Lily was interested in were flying in the sky above.
This was where she needed to be, so she bore the wind, hunkering down between two high boulders near the pond. If anyone asked, she was just trying to get some fresh air, but in reality she was trying her best to watch those in the air above.
At first, even picking out who was who posed a challenge. They were too far away to easily note eye color when the wind forced narrowed eyes anyway, and the sun was obscured behind thick but intermittent clouds, meaning that glints were only visible upon occasion… And Lily didn't know the glints for anyone but Mist.
But once she picked Mist out in a moment of sunlight, she had somewhere to start from. It wasn't hard to discern male from female past that point; Mist was far more comfortable around the females, not having the prospect of mating with one of them in the back of her mind.
That, in turn, also clued Lily in to who Root was, because of the three males Mist always seemed to be watching or otherwise aware of one in particular.
Then, accompanied by a burst of frigid wind that had Lily hunkering down and shivering, another ray of sunlight gave her more information to work with. Root, fittingly enough, had a brown tint, while the females Danda and Liona both had shades of yellow. The other two males had a much more reddish-brown and an odd grey, which in turn named them for Lily. Cedar and Ash.
The fledglings were only up in the air for a short while, which was no surprise given the cold, but by the time they were swooping down to land near the plateau, Lily could put names to four of them. She couldn't tell which was Danda and which was Liona, but that was the only uncertainty left.
Lily ran low to the ground, keeping out of sight, and soon came to a place where she could observe the group, though the wind came from behind and blew her tail around conspicuously if she didn't concentrate on holding it still.
"It gets colder every day," either Danda or Liona was complaining, holding her wings close around herself, as if trying to trap in the heat being stolen from her by the biting wind.
"Next cold-season we will have each other to keep warm," Cedar remarked casually. "But for now…"
"For now, I do not care if nobody likes us doing this," Mist said firmly. "Root, are you in or out?"
"My Dam…"
"Would never know if you did not tell her everything," Ash interrupted. "Mine does not know."
"She likes to know," Root complained.
"And do you like to be lectured about how using our flames is impolite? I doubt it." Lily was fairly certain the sister that had spoken both times was Danda, by Mist's descriptions of her personality. She and her sister were nearly identical, save for differing tints of yellow in eyes and glints. Liona was a lighter yellow in both cases, but not by much.
"No… Fine, I will not tell if she does not ask," Root grumbled, inhaling deeply.
"I mean," Liona volunteered quietly, "you are the one who will get in trouble. You should not tell at all."
"I do not lie to my parents," Root replied, before unleashing a torrent of flame on the light wing closest to him, who happened to be Cedar. Cedar groaned in relief and leaned in, turning in a tight circle to let the heat cover him as thoroughly as possible.
Lily watched in amusement as the other fledglings all did the same, soon reducing each other to mostly-camouflaged shimmers in the air. She certainly didn't disapprove of them breaking the unspoken rule against flames in the valley; it was only practical that they do as much. In fact, their willingness to break that rule was encouraging. She didn't think she'd have a hard time with any of them.
"Now we have to wait until this wears off to go back into the cavern," Cedar remarked. "Remember that, Ash."
"I only forgot twice," Ash grumbled. A limb thumped into a body, probably him hitting Cedar with his tail. "Stop reminding me."
"If he does not you might up that count to three," Danda purred. "Which might be the highest you have ever counted."
There was an amused rumble that sounded to Lily like it came from several different light wings, and an annoyed grunt from Ash. "Which one are you, Danda?" he asked, inadvertently confirming Lily's assumption as to which voice and thus which sister was which.
"Right here," she volunteered. A single shimmer jumped up onto the plateau, heedless of the biting wind. "Come and get me!"
"I will!" Another shimmer, presumably Ash, leaped up to the plateau, only to be bodily knocked right back off, falling on top of the others.
Lily let herself rumble in amusement, sure that she would not be heard over the annoyed and startled barks from the fledglings. She was fairly certain her own group of fledglings had not played so easily with each other. Or she had not been present when it happened, but between herself and Pearl, who wouldn't be allowed to join such roughhousing, she was pretty sure it just didn't happen, not like this.
"I have the high ground!" Danda crowed.
"And I have allies!" Ash retorted. "Come on, help me Liona!"
"I do not want to pick sides," Liona demurred. "Cedar, you help him."
"Sounds fun," Cedar agreed. "On three, Ash?"
"On three, because I can count to three," Ash growled. "I can count as high as I have claws." He said that with a perfectly straight voice, as if unaware that most light wings did not need their claws to count at all.
Nobody called him out on it, though, which impressed Lily. The countdown came and went, the males both leaped, and Danda knocked them both down. Of course, that wasn't the end of it; they had time and energy to burn and couldn't go back to the cavern until the evidence of their minor rule-breaking had dissipated.
Lily settled in to watch, contemplating possible matchups as she did. They all seemed to be on good terms with each other, which might have been why nobody had paired off yet; none of them would want to start fights and arguments with the others by doing so.
Of course, her intervention could circumvent that issue. She just had to get them all aimed at the right partners at the same time; that would mean there would be no arguments.
As for who the right partners would be? Lily was pretty sure they'd be more or less happy no matter how she arranged them, so long as everyone had a mate. She was pretty sure Mist would be least content with Ash, simply because she thought of him as stupid, so that gave her a place to start.
Liona, Lily thought to herself as their games went on, probably shouldn't be put with Ash either. He might not be very bright, which was in itself not a bad thing, but he would need an assertive mate to correct him on occasion because of that. Liona was not assertive.
By elimination, that left Liona with Cedar, which seemed like a fine matchup, assuming Lily could convince Cedar and Liona that they wanted it. Cedar seemed full of confidence, and with the right prompting he could direct that toward helping Liona where she lacked in that area.
Cedar and Liona made one third of the puzzle complete. The other two thirds were easier to think about now. Danda and Mist were both assertive, but Mist shouldn't be with Ash, so Danda and Ash made the second pair, and Mist with Root the third, which was nice as Lily had already advised Mist that Root was best for her.
She shouldn't have done that, in retrospect, not knowing the full arrangement. At least it had worked out that way regardless, so her small mistake didn't matter.
Lily nodded to herself, watching the good-natured brawl that had descended upon the group of fledglings, though she could see little more than a tumbling mass of blurs from which sounds of laughter, annoyance, and defiance echoed out. She could set them to rights easily enough, and by the end of that all six of them would be grateful for her interference. That would make three mated pairs on her side, a huge gain compared to what she had now.
All was well, aside from her freezing, aching body. Lily tried to ignore the throbbing in her hips, hind legs, and chest, but it was getting harder as she got colder. Claw's work, souring even this moment of victory.
But even the pain was a victory. It was worse than before, which meant, by Pearl's example, that she was getting closer to the end of his abuse. He was expending more and more effort to get a rise out of her, but she had not broken completely, meaning he was working for almost nothing.
That must have been how it was with Pearl, too, but for a much sadder, darker reason. She had not been intentionally practicing blocking it all out, but she had been growing more and more distant from everything, sad and withdrawn. The result was the same.
"Quiet!" Root hissed, garnering both the attention of his fellow fledglings and Lily. His voice was insistent and alarmed. "Someone is coming!"
The roiling mass of fledglings fell still and silent, becoming far less noticeable as it did. Lily herself might not have noticed it at first, which meant that most light wings wouldn't give them a second look.
Lily herself was just as intent on not being seen, for much the same reasons. She didn't want to be caught out here, spying on fledglings. At best, it would result in awkward questions.
"Get your tail out from between my legs," Mist hissed quietly. "Or I promise you I will bite it once they are gone."
"Sorry," Ash murmured. There was a small movement, and then everything was still and quiet again.
Lily caught a movement out of the corner of her eye. A light wing passing between the boulders off to the far side of the plateau, just within sight, heading out in the general direction of the burial grounds. They didn't even pass by closely enough for Lily to make out who they were.
Lily made a snap decision then, and carefully backed away from her vantage spot, leaving the fledglings to their soon to be resumed game. She was intrigued by the mystery light wing, because they were on paw and going somewhere that nobody had any real business going, not in this weather.
The problem with trailing stealthily in this scenario, she almost immediately discovered, was that she had to stay far enough back that if the other dragon looked over her or his shoulder they wouldn't see her, meaning she only sometimes caught glimpses of their tail. She still couldn't tell who she was following, though that tail seemed vaguely familiar.
They passed into the dark side of the valley, and she risked getting a little closer, because she knew this part of the valley better than most. She caught a glimpse of hindquarters, definitely feminine in shape, and limping slightly.
Then the other light wing stopped, and Lily dove for cover behind a low rock, crouching down and circling around to look at whoever this was from another angle.
Crystal. Lily blinked in surprise. Crystal was supposed to be watching the eggs today. She must have gotten someone else to cover for her, but why? Why was she out here in the cold, alone?
Lily felt the urge to announce her presence, but she held back. Something told her that she was not welcome here, now. Maybe it was the way her friend's shoulders slumped, or the way her head hung low, or the way she was staring at nothing in particular.
Lily had barely made the decision to stay out of sight when her friend began sobbing.
There was no other word for it; howling implied loud and vehement sorrow, while whining implied a piercing, simple sound. Crystal, standing in the burial grounds, looking down at the ground, was doing neither of those.
It was an ugly, painful sound. Her chest heaved and her voice cracked constantly, the halting sounds she made only barely recognizable as sorrowful. It was also an immensely sad sound, the kind that made Lily feel as if her heart had been torn out, thrown to the ground, and stamped on. The kind of sound she might have made out in the forest, mourning Pyre.
Lily abandoned all pretense at observing in secret only heartbeats after that sound started. She could not listen impassively to that coming from anyone, let alone her best friend. She slipped out from behind the rock and came up behind Crystal, saying nothing, letting her actions speak for her.
Crystal did not stop when she realized Lily was there, but not from lack of trying. She tried to get away from Lily's comforting wings, to speak, but she couldn't stop that terrible sound, now that she had started.
Lily, for her part, didn't let Crystal get away. She followed until Crystal bumped into a dead end, keeping her wings on her friend, trying vainly to comfort her. When Crystal realized she wasn't getting away, her head drooped even lower than before, and that terrible sound redoubled.
It was a terrible, ugly sound, one that wracked Crystal's whole body, but Lily didn't for a moment feel disgusted or driven away, even as it continued on for what felt like a very long time. She had absolutely no idea what to do aside from what she was already doing, so she just kept doing that and waited for it to stop. Only Crystal's words could tell her what had gone so terribly wrong, what new twisted strike of fate had broken her so completely, and Lily did not want to guess prior to being told, though she felt cold and worried beyond belief.
What had happened? Lily did her best to ignore that question, because speculating would only torture herself, and the answer would come eventually anyway. For once, there was nothing to be gained by anticipating and planning, because no matter what she planned, she could not leave her friend, and by the time she could leave she would know whatever the truth was anyway.
A long time later, the convulsions of sorrow that shook Crystal slowed, and then stuttered to a stop. She tried weakly to push Lily away, and failed. Lily held her friend close, Crystal's head against her chest and her back covered by wings stretched to their limit.
"You… y-you…" Crystal stuttered slowly, coughing in between words.
"I'm here," Lily hummed soothingly. "Whatever it is, I'm here."
But Crystal firmly shook her head, shying away. "You… were n-not… not suppo-osed… to see."
"Why not?" Lily asked comfortingly, holding the confusion from her voice with some difficulty. She had thought her friend trusted her.
"Not f-fair," Crystal gasped.
"What's not fair?" Lily had an inkling of what might be going on, but she couldn't be sure.
"It is…" Crystal inhaled deeply and tried to push away again, with no more success than before. "Not fair. You h-have it… s-so much worse."
Lily whined sadly. "I don't understand," she admitted.
"It is not fair!" Crystal insisted shrilly as she finally succeeded in pulling away. She stumbled and then stood there shakily, no longer attempting to flee, and looked at Lily's paws with her ears flat and her face the picture of sheer grief. "I cannot complain to you!" she continued, speaking in nothing but a single piercing whine that was just as difficult to understand as the sobbing. "It is all so much worse for you..."
"You comforted me," Lily murmured, beginning to understand, "but you don't think it's fair I do the same for you?" It was a stupid, wrong way of looking at it, but one she totally understood; one did not complain about a sprained paw if the person one was talking to was missing a paw. It would feel infantile and selfish to do so, even if it wasn't.
"How long have you been coming out here and breaking down?" Lily asked, unable to hold the question back. She had to know. How long had she fallen for her friend's façade and missed her suffering? How long had she been blind to this?
But Crystal just whined, shying back and head swaying as if trying to turn away. "You should not have seen…"
"Shut up." Lily said it firmly, but kindly. She felt terrible for Crystal, but Crystal felt far worse, and for once she knew exactly what to do without even thinking about it. "You're wrong."
Crystal shook her head, her bleary eyes wide and disbelieving.
"No, you are," Lily countered, walking forward and pressing her forehead against her friend's side. "You never had to hide your pain because you thought it wasn't as bad as mine."
"It is not, though!"
"Not as bad doesn't mean not worth showing," Lily growled. "Lay down."
Crystal did as told, though she buried her face in her paws and started sobbing again.
Lily lay down beside her, penning her in against the rock, and hopefully sheltering her from the wind. She threw a wing over her friend, this time unopposed, and settled into a comfortable position to look directly at her. "Tell me everything, and don't you dare hold back because you think I suffered worse. What happened to medoesn't matter, not when what happened to you is tearing you apart inside."
"You already know it all," Crystal moaned.
"Maybe, but this isn't about me." Lily was making this up as she went, but the general idea felt like a good one. Her friend was too selfless, to hide her pain and come out to suffer in private. The only way to fix that was to force her to be selfish for once, to unburden herself and accept that it was not wrong to do so.
"I do not want to talk about it," Crystal ventured in a weaker voice, then shifted slightly to present Lily with the back of her head.
"Just tell me enough so that I know what you're feeling," Lily compromised, speaking gently and offering a comforting nuzzle. When that was met with only shaky breaths and sniffling, she gave a prompting nudge and tightened the wing's embrace. "Start with Claw." There was no way he wasn't a big part of this.
Confirming it with a strangled growl, Crystal tensed and hunched in on herself. "He is not the one I wanted," she said softly, so softly Lily had to strain to hear her. "I despise him. I want him dead. Every time he looks at me, I want to fly away or attack. Every time he…" A paw lifted to dig claws into her head. "I just wanted Granite," she said in the same continuous piercing whine, though not nearly as loud this time. "Just him. Not Claw. Not any of this. My friends are all gone, my mate is gone, you are all I have left, and you are suffering too."
Lily said nothing in response to that, sensing that Crystal was just getting started.
Sure enough, she continued in that shrill and distorted voice, a voice overflowing with hurt and longing and confusion. "I hate Claw. I want Granite. But now I have Claw's egg, and I love it because it is mine, because I should. But it is his too, and I do not want his. When I sleep, I smell the egg and smell Granite's scent mixed with mine, and it is so perfect and right, and when I wake I feel like he died all over again. Every night, the same thing. I cannot even hate the egg for it, not when my best friend and my mate were both the same. Both Claw's." She suddenly looked up, though she still couldn't meet Lily's eyes and instead stared at her shoulder. "That egg is your sibling. Your half-brother or half-sister. Just like Granite. It is all so messed up."
Lily was glad she was good at hiding her emotions, and forced down that little revelation to stress about later; if she showed just how deeply that had struck her, Crystal would feel she was right to keep all this from her. But to be told it at all was good, a sign of trust. "Keep going," she urged. "I want to hear."
"It is not fair! My parents do not understand, I cannot go to them for advice, or comfort, or anything, my Dam does not understand, Granite's Dam just seems to be trying to forget him, my friends are either dead, or missing, or not friends anymore because I am an adult and they are not." All said in a single breath, becoming increasingly strained, and then followed by a single sob and a long, keening whine.
"Just breathe," Lily advised gently, keeping her worry from her voice. "Keep going, but slow down and breathe." Calm and relaxation seemed the best mood to push, so as to not stress Crystal any further.
It appeared to work, as she took a shaky breath before speaking a little more coherently. "All I have is you, and our plans, and the egg now, and they are just not enough. I miss being happy..."
Lily whined, her composure cracked by that heartbreaking sentiment. "I understand," she managed. "Is there more?"
"W-when Claw m-mates me, I close m-my eyes and try to th-think of Granite," Crystal whimpered, her voice ashamed. "And it is s-so terrible of me, because Claw is h-his Sire, and he would not b-be so r-rough and uncar-ing, and I f-feel like I am defiling his m-memory, but it is the only way I can stand it!" She completely broke down again with that, sobbing and making long, wearily sad sounds that Lily had never heard from anyone before but that tore her apart even more viciously than Pyre had with his mourning. Pyre had never sounded quite so destroyed, possibly because by the time she knew him, he had already spent decades dealing with his losses.
Lily nuzzled into her friend, struggling to keep herself composed and completely at a loss for any words to respond with; on the one paw, she very much would rather not know that sort of intimate detail, but on the other she had asked for everything, and Crystal had literally nobody else to turn to. She was still eager to get off the topic, though she felt terrible for it. "Anything else?"
Crystal took some long breaths and calmed a little, her wide and bleary eyes blinking heavily. "I hate everyone around us. I want to bite them and hurt them for not doing anything, for forcing us to suffer because they do not have any courage, but then I hate myself for wanting to hurt them. And I cannot make any new friends because how could I be friends with any of them… I just feel so alone…"
That struck home, in a strange way that could not possibly have been intentional. Lily could not help but hear it as a condemnation of her own actions, of her failing to obtain the plant that would have prevented the egg that was confusing Crystal on top of everything else going on. Of her not even giving hope, because she thought disappointment would be worse, when her friend so clearly needed some sort of hope right now, more than anything.
"Anything else?" Lily repeated, feeling miserable.
Crystal moaned a few unintelligible words that Lily had to ask her to repeat, and they were moaned a bit louder. "Just how terrible a Dam I am going to be."
Lily stared incredulously at her friend. Where had that come from? "How can you even say that?" she asked with a measured offense that her friend would think so poorly of herself.
Crystal keened, a long and pained tone, and leaned into the embrace. "I am going to be a terrible Dam because I will forever be disappointed that my child is not Granite's," she whined. "They will hate me and be right to do so. Then Claw will kill or take them and I will be forced to watch them suffer..."
Before Lily could tell her what absolute nonsense that was, Crystal glanced across at her and then buried her face in her paws again, her voice rising back into a miserable shrill whine. "But at least my egg is healthy, and my parents are not forcing themselves on me-"
Lily pressed her wing down on her friend again and cut her off with a firm but light growl, seeing exactly where that was going. "No, that does not make what is happening to you any better, that is more than anyone should have to deal with," she said vehemently. "Never think your suffering is not worth speaking of just because you think mine is worse. You are right to be worried and upset and confused." She specifically did not add 'guilty' or 'depressed' to that list of adjectives; Crystal should be neither, and ideally none of the words she had said aloud, if she had anything to say about it.
"But I feel terrible for telling you all of that," Crystal admitted quietly.
"I feel terrible you felt you had to keep it from me," Lily retorted. "Not telling hurts more. I want to help. You're my best friend. Even if I can't help, I want to know."
"I still feel bad about it, even knowing that."
"You have more than enough to feel bad about without adding baseless guilt to the list," Lily said firmly, nuzzling her friend's ear. "Not me. Never me. You haven't hurt me, and you haven't hurt your egg, and you haven't hurt Granite." That was obvious to her; many of Crystal's problems were worries about what someone would have or might think, when the former could never be known, and the latter not known yet.
"I guess that helps… A little…"
"Granite hurt you, if anything, by challenging," she continued, heading off Crystal's objections before they could become more than a wordless grumble of protest. "But he was a good person and could not have done nothing, so I think you both just wanted him to win, to make everything right. He would understand that you miss him. How you cope with everything is nobody's fault."
Crystal sullenly pawed at the ground. "And the egg?"
"My fault," Lily insisted, making a snap decision that she sincerely hoped would not ruin everything, even though it was risky.
Sure enough, Crystal didn't understand. "You are telling me I am being ridiculous, do not start yourself."
"There is a plant in the forest," Lily explained, sticking to her decision, though it felt like the wrong one now. There was no turning back anyway. "With it, you could have avoided having eggs for as long as you wanted. I couldn't figure out a way to get it for you in time."
Crystal was silent for a moment.
"I am sorry," Lily whined. "Please forgive me for failing you. I didn't tell you because I didn't want to get your hopes up, and I still can't see a way to get it with that stupid guard stopping us from leaving at all…"
"The guard Claw put there," Crystal moaned. "Why does nothing work out for us? He does not even know but he kept us from it by chance."
"Terrible luck," Lily agreed. "I'm sorry for not telling you."
"You... You thought it was better that way." Crystal huffed sadly. "I do not know if it would have been any better to know... I trust you."
That was a surprise to Lily; she had expected the exact opposite, Crystal not trusting her because she had kept something this important secret. She certainly wasn't going to argue Crystal's trust, though. If that was how she felt, then that was that.
"And... this plant stops eggs?" Crystal continued quietly. "For as long as you want?"
"Yes."
"So... we just have to get past the guard... and there will be no more eggs... none for you and none for me?" There was a strong hint of hope in Crystal's voice, though Lily could scarcely believe she was hearing it, given everything else she had just heard. "Lily, that is great!" She lurched backward and awkwardly tried to embrace her, whining in a way that sounded upset but was almost certainly relief.
"Yes, but..." Lily stopped herself before she could poke holes in the idea bringing Crystal's mood up. So what if there was a guard and they couldn't get to it at the moment? She knew that she was in no danger, and Crystal had just laid an egg. It would all work out the same whether or not she reminded Crystal of the difficulties.
"But?" Crystal quavered, ceasing her attempts to embrace Lily. Her eyes were still wide and belied her unstable mood, she definitely didn't need to know the finer details of this yet.
"Nothing," Lily said firmly, also putting aside the possibility of revealing her own condition for the time being. She wanted to focus on her friend, not herself, and revealing that would just make Crystal all the more determined not to complain, as backwards as that was.
Lily shivered as a particularly strong blast of wing hit her back. "Can we talk more back in the side-cavern, or do you not want to be there right now?"
"Do we need to talk more?" Crystal didn't sound like she wanted to.
"Yes," Lily said sternly. "You've hidden things from me for days on end. I want to hear about all of them in detail, if you can manage that." She was pretty sure Pyre had once told her that once someone started talking about something that bothered them, it was important to let them continue. It sounded to her like Crystal had just scratched the tip of an iceberg, and she wasn't going to let her friend down in any way if she could help it.