Chapter 20: Love's Confession

Love is flower you've got to let grow.

- John Lennon

Mikhail's Audio Journal 17.09.2010

There are the proverbs „Now or never" or „Better sooner than later" which I have let slip by and have missed several opportunities to do what I meant to do after being reunited with Alicia. The only reason I delayed that opportunity was because of other issues or just because the time wasn't appropriate. I needed to be alone with Alicia and I needed to be confident so I could convey my words that would convince her that I really do love her.

Now that I have surpassed and eliminated all obstacles and tied up all loose ends, the time was now. Today was going to be the day I finally tell Alicia how I feel and just hope she feels the same.

The day was young and nearly everyone who was once here was gone. Ever since then it's been quieter and deprived of human activity. The place had become less of a community and more suburban. Only the Clarks, Mina and her mother, Luciana, Rico (da that little brat) and a handful of people whose names I haven't learnt, including myself now dwell here. I was aware that while the Clarks and I sleep in the cabin the rest have to sleep in tents or RVs, which I knew wasn't going to be luxury for them when winter came. Not even RVs could shield anyone from the elements in the Californian winter which I know will break the morale of our new recruits. Madison being the caring and strong-willed lady she is I know would find a solution for the others. This could mean that whether I liked it or not, we might have to relocate.

I know this might sound cold (figuratively speaking), but that was the least of my concerns. Today is a day to relax and to do what I've been waiting to do, talk to Alicia.

After Daniel and Ofelia took their leave and Alicia was walking back into the cabin after giving me a little hint what Daniel said in Spanish, I wasted no time in asking Alicia.

„Alicia."

„Yeah," answered Alicia zealously.

„Do you want to do something later, maybe go for a walk?" I asked, feeling nervous like any normal man would when asking his crush out.

„Sure Mikhail, what time?" asked Alicia with a cheerful smile.

I thought about a time, but not wanting to think too long, I impulsively said, „Around 19:00 shall we say."

„Sounds good," replied Alicia.

„Let's meet at the porch at 19:00," I said, but Alicia didn't respond. She just continued to walk towards the cabin. Knowing she said „yes" and she didn't respond after I suggested a meeting place, I didn't worry about her changing plans at the last minute.

I felt something cold drop onto my head and it trickled down my forehead. I dabbed it and saw it was water. Then I felt more drops of water from the sky and I looked up into the sky and noticed the sun was obscured by think grey clouds. A clashing sound of thunder toned in the sky and the rain got heavier and I knew it was time to go back inside. I hurried back in the cabin where I saw others including Mina and her mother taking shelter in the cabin.

With everyone in the cabin and the repetitive sound of thunder and rain splashing on the windows, Madison put on the kettle and prepared to make everyone coco.

Everyone was sitting in the living room, apart from Alicia who was probably making speculations for our date. Mina and Nick, were also absent, maybe they were playing together and getting acquainted, knowing how good Nick was with kids. Or maybe Nick was in a private room with Luciana.

I stood near a window looking outside and how the rain was dousing everything and turning the ground into mud. I started to worry if it was going to be like this all day and I would have to cancel plans to have a date by the river or at least change plans and take Alicia somewhere which is less romantic. Once again misfortune rains on me with a rainy cloud already there to ruin my day. Before I could further despair, I heard Madison behind me clearing her throat.

I turned around to see Madison with a cup of coco in her hand hading it to me, „Here we are Mikhail, got to have something to take your mind off a miserable wet day."

The coco tasted good and did lift my spirits, even made me feel hopeful that the weather would clear and the sun would come out again before 19:00. After 15:00 at least, the ground needs to dry up first.

Following Madison's advise about doing something to take my mind off a wet miserable day, I decided to pass the time by going out into the porch with the guitar and sing a fitting song. I walked out into the open where it was cold and it was still raining, luckily the porch provided me shelter from the rain. I sat on the swing bench with the guitar that Gabe gave me. Gabe was the last remaining member of Gretchen's group of friends who was grateful I saved his life, and in return, he gave me his guitar which I was thankful for.

After another roar of thunder and with the guitar resting on my lap, I begun to play the guitar and sing a song. I decided to sing „Blame It On The Weatherman" by Irish girl band B*witched, which has been one of my all time guilty pleasures. I'm more into rock and roll, but it makes me cringe so much that I could like this one song by a girl band. Mainly because it reminds me of a happy moment in my life where I felt so complete and blessed. Besides the song's lyrics pertained to the mood I was in that I wanted to weather to get better and have the perfect date with Alicia.

I sung out aloud and strummed the notes on the strings and stared at the rainy scene. While I sung with passion and effort in my own privacy, little did I know that I was being watched by Madison, Alicia, Nick, Luciana, Mina, her mother and others, who were probably listening back in the inside with the front door open.

When I finished the song I received an applause from my audience, who I only realized was there when I turned my head to look at them clapping enthusiastically. Madison complimented, „Bravo Mikhail, I never realized you could sing so beautifully."

„Thank you Madison, kind of getting back into singing."

Madison gawked out into the open and I saw the bright yellow sun illuminate her face. „Well what would you know it's stopped raining. Looks like your singing has stopped the rain, bravo to you again Mikhail," praised Madison, looking happy to see the sun again.

I looked out into the open to see the rain really has stopped but had left the ground muddy. The sun only peeked behind the rusty red clouds and shone on the cabin as if it was a touch from God. Eventually the clouds disappeared and there was a bright and colorful rainbow in the sky, which caught everyone's attention. It reminded me of the closing scene from Noah's arc, where the flooding stopped and God created a rainbow as a promise that he would never cause another armageddon by flooding the world. The rainbow to me was a symbol of hope and premonition that this was going to be a promising and happy day for me.

Unfortunately the sun coming out would not make everyone happy, there was one survivor who has been in the same room in the exact spot since yesterday. I'm talking about Travis, the man who wanted me to leave him and save myself. Not since has he shown gratitude, just sat in the same room staring out of the window. I will never forget the scene I heard from behind the door closed when Madison attempted to talk to Travis.

„Travis please talk to me. You haven't touched your coco I made for you," complained Madison.

„Go away Madison, leave me alone," retorted Travis.

„Travis don't be like that. Please, I'm really worried about you. You haven't eaten anything since we got here."

„I SAID GO AWAY," yelled Travis and there was a loud clash against the wall near to the door. There was a brief moment of silence and I heard the scurry of footsteps and the rattling of broken china. The door opened and Madison zipped past me into the kitchen where I followed her.

Madison aggressively threw the bits of broken china in the trash and stood over the sink with her arms spread out and sunk her head. She was shaking, breathing intermittently and clenching her hands.

„Madison," I whispered, slowly advancing towards her.

Madison was clearly sobbing, I could see a tear leak from her eye and travel down her nose. She wiped it away and sniffed. I slowly and gently placed my hand on her shoulder and her sobbing got more intense. I was expecting Madison to slap my hand off her shoulder, but she turned around to look at me with tears leaking her eyes. I wiped her face clean with my thumbs and she in response wrapped her arms around me and cried and blubbered in my chest, „Mikhail, what happened? What has become of Travis?"

„I don't know, he didn't want to live. He wanted me to leave him, but I persisted and forced him to come with me. I don't know what he endured while in captivity, but I'm sure we'll know soon enough."

„He just isn't the same anymore. He was kind, pure-hearted and very supportive."

„Travis has done so much for me, he helped me get through my struggles in high school and I felt I owed him."

„Why did I ask you to rescue him? I should have asked you just to let him rot there," growled Madison.

I pushed Madison away from my chest with my hands on her shoulders and peering into her eyes. „No Madison, you don't really mean that. I'm not going to give up on Travis and neither should you. He needs our help and support, we owe it to him for all he did for us. He might not want it, but soon he'll pull himself together and open up. Just have faith in him Madison."

„You're right Mikhail, you're such an angel," praised Madison, as she placed a hand on the scarred side of my face. I smiled and noticed a trickle of blood running down her arm.

„Madison you're bleeding."

Madison stared at her hand looking indifferent. „I must have cut myself on the broken pieces of china."

„Lets get that cut cleaned."

Madison washed her cut hand under the tap and I used vodka to disinfect the wound. I remember Madison saying, „Don't you want to save that vodka? You never know you might want a drink later on."

Seeing Madison smile I smiled too and clarified, „I'm not really into vodka to be honest."

„But I saw you drink it. We drank it together."

Being reminded of when Madison and I nearly went through the whole bottle and not feeling good in the morning, I explained, „I was only being polite. I wanted to make you happy which is why I wanted to drink with you because you wanted to."

„Funny, I thought all you Russians drink vodka."

„And I thought all you Americans were fat and ate nothing but McDonalds or Burger King." Madison frowned at me in a playful way as if she was going to laugh at the stereotype, but I further added, „Well while I lived in Russia that is, but you're not fat, you're very pretty."

Madison blushed and said, „Thank you Mikhail… oh and I got some of my blood on your cheek. Might want to wash it off."

After I've finished treating Madison's cut and patching it up, I was at the sink gently wiping the blood off my face. I turned to Madison and asked, „Is it off?" Madison nodded. „Horosho, I want to look good for my date with Alicia."

„You've got a date with Alicia?," marveled Madison.

„Da, at 19:00."

„19:00, that's a long time to wait. What are you going to do until then?"

„Well I've made an arrangement with Mina, she wants to learn Russian and I'm going to have a tea party with her."

„Tea, I never knew Russians drink tea. I thought that was what the British drink."

„Nyet, tea is very popular in Russia. Families invite their friends over for tea and spend hours talking and drinking tea. It's a real social event where everyone gets together and bond over a nice hot warm cup of tea."

„Oh I see, that's very interesting. Any ideas on what you're going to do on your date with Alicia?"

„Nothing special, not much to do on a date now we have no restaurants or cinemas. I was thinking a simple walk in the woods and sit next to river would be ideal."

„Sounds perfect and romantic if I may add. The first date should always be something humble and less exciting."

„I agree, can't overdo it. I want to charm her not scare her away by being too keen."

„Well Mikhail, good luck with your first date with Alicia. Let me know how it works out. Right now I better go and help our guests. They're probably asking questions about how we're going to prepare for winter."

„The winter of course," I said sarcastically.

„Oh and you're having dinner before you go on your date with Alicia," quipped Madison, starting to act like my mother.

When the ground was dry and the sun was still shining, creating a beautiful scene. I thought it was best to have to have a tea party with Mina and teach her my language. Mina and I were sitting under the sun at a folded table surrounded by bright green grass. It started to look like the scene from Alice in Wonderland where she meets the Mad Hatter and the March Hare. It also reminded me when I used to have school lessons out in the open back in Russia in Smolensk. I always did like having lessons out in the sun, it was more relaxing and refreshing, rather than sitting in a classroom where it was stuffy.

It was too bad I didn't have a samovar, didn't know where in California I was ever going to get one. Unless I was going to be issued one when I next receive a supply drop, but I doubt it was going to happen. I settled with the biggest metal pot I could find and brew tea in it. Luckily I was able to find two cups and two non-matching saucers to go with the tea party. I remembered to bring the sushki which is a custom to always serve tea with snacks, besides Mina is a little girl, little girls love snack food.

„So Mina lets begin our our first Russian lesson with the basics. Let's start with some words starting with what we'll be drinking. This here is tea which we call „chay" which we drink out of a „chashka" a cup."

„chay…. chashka," repeated Mina looking at her tea in the cup.

I picked up one of the sushkis and manifested, „This here is a sushki, the many snacks Russians like to have with their tea. When you are at a tea party you must have one of the snacks even if you're not hungry, it's considered respectful and good manners. Shows you appreciate their hospitality."

Mina took a sushki, bit into it and critiqued, „This is really good, tastes like breadsticks only a little more sugary."

„Glad you like them. Now I'm going to show you what you can add to your tea," I picked up on of the sugar cubes and translated, „This here sakhar sugar or if I'm to be more precise I would say sakharnyye kubiki sugar cube."

„Sarkarrnii… kuuuu..bi…ki ki I can't say it right," mispronounced Mina.

„Take your time, try breaking the word like this. Sa-khar-ni ku-bi-ki."

„Sarkarni kubiki," syllabled Mina.

„Better, now lets go over the four words in Russian that I just taught you."

I pointed at each item and Mina would recall each word I taught her, „Chay, chashka, sushki and sarkarrnii kubiki."

„Ochen horosho Mina, you remembered all four and prnounced them right," I praised

Mina smiled with pride before asking, „So do we put sugar in our tea?"

„Nyet, we usually put a sugar cube in between our teeth and drink tea at the same time, but we wont be doing that. It's not for beginners, trust me, I made a mess and nearly choked to death. It was so embarrassing. Besides, I like to sweeten my tea a different way. Not with sugar but with this stuff here med, which is Russian for honey."

„Med?" mispronounced Mina.

„Miiyed," I stressed.

„Myed," pronounced Mina more accurately.

„Horosho you go it. Now that you can say honey in Russian, it's time to show you how I make the perfect honey black tea. My grandma taught me this, she called it the pchela or pchelinyy sok, which means honeybee or honeybee brew. This is how you do it. First you pour the chay into the chashka. Then you get a spoonful of med and stir it into the tea slowly and gently. The reason why we don't put the honey in first because the tea will only taste sweet at the bottom, and that is not what we want as a result."

I gave Mina a demonstration and then allowed her to try. She did everything right until she got to stirring the honey in the tea, where she scraped the inner walls of the cup. I advised her not to because that doesn't blend the honey in and that my grandma considered it bad manners. Mina sipped the tea and was surprised with how good the honey made the tea taste. I even showed her how some Russians like to drink tea by pouring tea into a saucer and drinking from it. Mina tried herself by supporting the saucer with her fingertips just like I showed her, but she made a mess and got tea down her neck and down her shirt. She didn't feel embarrassed, she just laughed it off. She did try it again but did it slowly and cautiously and was able to drink the tea without spilling any. Like any little girl who just won something, I could see how proud she looked.

Then out of nowhere Rico turns up and interrupts our tea party, „You're drinking tea without milk, how uncivilized."

„Well I don't understand the meaning of putting milk in tea, tea goes down better when it's hot," I argued.

„Yeah well you Russians drink bland muddy water if you want while I have a good cuppa of proper English tea, with milk in it. Anyway I'm not here for tea I want to ask you for a cig."

„Rico you're not old enough to take up smoking, you know it's bad for you."

„Okay okay don't give a kid something that will kill him, but you should know a lack of nicotine does make one very angry."

„Rico go away, leave us alone."

Rico maliciously smile and with big bulging eyes he leaned towards me and blackmailed, „Okay I'll go away, but maybe I'll crash the little date you have with your dear Alicia."

The pang hit me like a long sharp knife plunge into my heart, I couldn't have anyone especially Rico interfere. I had to appease him.

„Okay Rico you win," I fetched out my cigarettes and held out two, „Take these and please leave us alone."

„Yes sir," said Rico with a mocking salute. Just when he was about to walk away he turned back and taunted, „By the way I don't know what Madison or anyone else is going to think about you giving a kid cigarettes after all." Rico lit the cigarette in his mouth and punned, „They'll kill ya."

With Rico gone and I could continue my tea party with Mina, I could see she was eyeing me. Now she overheard the date I have with Alicia she asked what I thought she'd ask, „You got a date with Alicia?"

My face muscles scrunched into a smile, which I had no control over and reluctantly admitted, „Well erm it's just that Alicia and I…." It was no good, Mina was smiling too knowing the truth „Okay I'll admit it. I've got a date with Alicia.

Mina rested her clenched fist on her chin with her twinkling eyes twinkling into mine. „I knew there was something going on between you two. I've seen you two together and I see it in your eyes. You're in love with her."

Knowing it was futile hiding the fact from Mina, I confessed, „Da I do. I've always loved her. She's precisely the reason why I'm here."

„Are you going to tell her you love her?"

„You bet, before the sun goes down I'm going to tell her."

„Are you two going to kiss?" asked Mina, mischievously smiling and squeezing her hands.

„Well of course we are going to kiss. It's what people do when they are in love. You should know you're a little girl, romance is your thing."

„I maybe a little girl but I'm not stupid. If you really want Alicia you need to go someplace romantic."

„Da I know, I know just the place." I then started to daydream about my date with Alicia. The excitement was so intense my gut was rumbling and my appetite was shrinking.

Later on in the day two hours before my date with Alicia, Madison had dinner prepared. She cooked a stereotypical American home-cooked dish, which was baked macaroni with cheese. When Madison dished a scoop of the yellow slop onto my plate, she joked saying, „You live in America Mikhail, better get used to eating good old American food."

I humored Madison and tried her home-cooking for the first time and was surprised by how it tasted. It tasted good but in a very tangy way. I got a mouthful of cheese and soft pasta, which was the part I wasn't so keen on, but the crust on the top was a different story. The crust was the best part, it had a crispy texture which I earnestly enjoyed. Judging by the amount of cheese that went into the dish convinced me, the Americans sure do love their cheese.

I gazed outside and just as I predicted it was still daytime outside and the sunlight was dimming. This was it, I was going to tell Alicia before the sun goes down and the night sky emerges. All I did was wait patiently out on the porch for Alicia.

While watching the orange sun in the sky already feeling the nerves course all over my body, I continued to plan the date in my hand and what I was going to say. I had already spruced myself up, made sure I looked my best for Alicia. My face still looked half mutilated, but that shouldn't be a problem, Alicia saw me for who I was and where real beauty truly lies.

The front door slowly creaked open and my heart was racing as I saw Alicia step onto the porch. Alicia looked at me sitting on the porch swing and I saw how stunningly beautiful and alluring she looked. She was wearing a blue and white floral short sleeve summer dress, something I've never seen Alicia wear. Her hair was tied in a ponytail with strands hanging down her face. She was wearing make up with light colored lips furnished with gloss and she wore eye-makeup around her big expressive eyes. She smiled at me which made me feel my insides melt and completely bewildered by her sirenic beauty. I didn't think it was this possible for a woman to be so beautiful, so beautiful not even the most sophisticated writers could describe in their romances. She was beyond beautiful, she was angelic, heavenly and divine. It was clear Alicia did this all for me, I looked my best for her and she looked her best for me. She was here and I was here, now was the time. Just her and me, alone and no interferences. I stood up and walked towards my date trying my best to sound confident and colloquial.

„Alicia wow you look… you look so glam, so elegant," I astonished, finding it hard to put such a compliment into words.

Alicia smiled, giggled and asked, „Thank you Mikhail, you look good too. So are you ready?"

„Da," I responded, feeling the nerves and shorter of breath.

Alicia and I walked in the woods and under the trees, where light from the sun gleamed through small spaces between the leaves and branches. It was like walking through a grey violet arboraceous corridor with autumn leaves gently falling onto the ground, it was so enchanting and breathtaking.

Along the way to the river, Alicia and I did have a casual conversation where I brought up the topics that I thought were appropriate for our date. We talked about how we were going to rebuild and prepare ourselves for the winter. I even remember bringing up Madison's cooking and joking how cheesy it was, which made Alicia laugh at my little pun. I complimented Madison's cooking to Alicia who then surprisingly admitted it was the one thing she hated eating.

Alicia and I found ourselves in the open and approached the river bank where we sat ourselves down and continued our conversation.

„I don't know what it is, but I just feel so safe here. Being quite far away from the cabin and being all the way out here I know, but something about this place brings back memories," disclosed Alicia.

„You went fishing with your dad?" I asked.

„Yeah. I know it's strange, but I never got bored when dad used to take me fishing. Many people get bored with fishing but I didn't, it's just so relaxing and revitalizing. Being with someone, having conversation and share the exhilarating moment when you've got a bite."

„A bite, what do you mean?"

Alicia looked at me with a frown and perplexed, „Wow you've lived in this country for so long and you don't know what a bite is when it's in a fishing context?"

„Nyet."

„Well basically it means you've caught a fish and you wheel it in. Don't tell me you've never been fishing."

„Nyet, never been fishing. There was a lake in my town in Russia, but I didn't go fishing."

„Not with your dad?"

„Nyet, my father never could be bothered to spend time with me."

„Too busy or something?"

„Nyet he just wasn't interested. He just came home and just dropped into the armchair with a bottle and went to sleep. Most nights he would just sleep in that armchair and not in a bed."

„What did you do at the lake?"

„Nothing much really. Take a book and go read by the shore or just watch the sun go down just like what we're doing now. Boring I know."

Alicia shook her head and disagreed, „No it's not boring, in fact I find it amusing. Some people are just so hooked on things like TV and videogames, they just don't see or just forget how beautiful nature really is."

„You're right Alicia, some people just don't get it." the conversation died so I changed the subject, "So tell me more about your father and what he was like as a father?"

Alicia drew her eyes back at the river and reflected on the memories she had of her father before she expounded, „Well he was loving, caring and always there for us, but he wasn't always like that you know. I'm pretty sure you know the story."

„Da I know, I'd rather you didn't tell me the sad moments. Just the happy moments I'd like to know please."

„Very well. So where to begin? One thing about him I most remember was how he came home after work and the first thing he did was play with us. He was always funny, jolly and kind of childish if I must say so. Together as a family we used to go out on trips and have fun. We always took pictures and collected mementos so we never forgot what the value of family was. Then one day that all changed, he came home feeling tired, just sat on the armchair and passed out. Later on he started to become less engaging and more withdrawn from the family. We tried to lift his spirits up but he would just shun us away it got to the point where we just didn't try anymore… oh I'm sorry I'm talking about the bad memories of him."

„Nyet it's okay Alicia, I'm sorry to hear about your father's unexplained change of attitude."

„I'll never forget how he used to help me with homework and teach me ethics in life. He taught me that with small accomplishments transcends to bigger accomplishments. I actually believed him and I worked very hard at school just to make him proud. Even when he became reserved and not his affable self anymore, I worked even harder to please him and that didn't change anything. He didn't smile, he didn't congratulate me and he didn't even tell me how proud he was of me anymore." Alicia's words started to show how emotional she was when she talked about her father no longer being supportive or encouraging. I could see Alicia's face and noticed she was on the verge of tears.

„Alicia please stop, don't hurt yourself by thinking of the bad times you had with your dad. At least you had a dad and I didn't."

Alicia wiped her thumb over her eye, looked at me confused and perplexed, „I thought you lived with your dad and your grandma came to visit."

„True, but he wasn't really my dad, he was my father. A dad sounds more admirable and a more affectionate title for someone you love. My father just put up with me, never was supportive, engaging or even interested in me. Whenever he came home he just sat on the armchair and get drunk. The only things he ever said to me were to quit dreaming and get a real job after school. He never liked my aspirations to become an actor, he always thought it was just childish nonsense and a waste of time."

„Mikhail I'm so sorry to hear that. I guess I really do fail to see my dad really was a great dad. He just needed help, but it's sad to know it was too late."

„Alicia it's never too late to prove to him you can do amazing things. I don't know if you believe in God or any superstition, but if he could see you now I'm sure he's still proud of you for all you done and achieved."

Alicia turned her head to smile at me. „Thank you Mikhail, thank you for inspiring me to keep making him proud."

„Don't mention it," I smiled.

Alicia and I kept staring at the river feeling a little lost where to continue our conversation.

„So where is your father now?"

„He went missing. Where ever he is, I don't think he's looking for me. I doubt I'll ever see him again, if he's still alive that is."

„You never know, he might be nearby. Maybe he's realized he was in the wrong for mistreating you and wants to start being a dad to you."

„Well let's hope," I said, not feeling optimistic about the idea.

„So Mikhail, is there ever been someone you liked, a girl perhaps?"

Alicia's question struck me so hard it pierced my chest and caused my heart to go up my throat. I found it hard to answer that question in a calm and articulate manner.

„A girl well I….. I… to be honest I was never into girls. Well when I was a kid that is, well actually no, I wasn't into girls after I…"

„When you hit puberty?"

„Right even when I hit puberty, I just didn't take an interest in girls, not even sexually. Kind of weird I know, but for some reason the idea of naked woman never came into my mind."

„No, you never thought about naked women?"

„Nyet, I noticed the changes in my body, but I never got involved in conversations where men would only talk about girls."

„So you've never been in love before?" asked Alicia, asking the question I could have answered right away.

„Love, well that's different. You don't think about sex when you're in love." Come on now, this was it, I thought to myself. It's time to tell Alicia here and now how you feel. „The truth is, I have been in love before," I started to shake and get a dry mouth, I wet my lips and continued, „Actually I am in love, I've been in love with her ever since I first saw her in Paul R. Williams High School. I remember having lunch outside and being all by myself. It was a nice warm sunny day with a gentle breeze, I could not have imagined a more beautiful day. The only problem was I wasn't more appreciative on how beautiful the day was, but that was a sign of what was to come. What I will never forget was when I laid eyes on her, it was like an angel who came down from heaven and was bathing in sunlight. She was so beautiful, I didn't think it was possible for a girl to ever be so beautiful. Those elegant expressive green eyes, long brown hair and full lips." My heart was rapidly beating as it was clear I gave Alicia a conspicuous description of the girl I was talking about. I licked my lips and further expounded, „She looked so fragile, delicate and almost like she was an illusion. She quickly disappeared from my sight the moment I took my eyes off of her. She was all I thought for the entire day onwards. The next thing I hoped was to see her again and learn her name, and I would learn her name when I attended the award ceremony for best student. Once I learnt her name, I realized what an intelligent person she was. It augmented my love for her, it even made me feel inferior compared to her. When I won an award for being the best student in English, I would never forget seeing her in the audience clapping and smiling at me. The only time I ever remember talking to her was after the talent show, she came out to speak to me. I even showed her how to dance it was so fun, I really thought that we… Oh what am I doing, I'm just rambling now. Alicia what I have to tell you is…" I turned to look at Alicia and noticed she was looking right at me with a smile on her face. She was illuminated in a rutilant light intensifying her beauty and more alluring to look at. „What are you looking at?" I asked, feeling confused by Alicia's subtle stare.

Alicia frowned in bewilderment and responded, „What do you think dumbass?"

Then at that very moment I knew this was it, the moment I've been longing and pining for. You've wanted to do this for so long and this was a sign that she wanted it. Just do it, I was thinking to myself. Just do it and show her you love her, you don't have to say anything. Just do it and tell her after.

„O you want to… eh da okay… I'm just going to," I stuttered, feeling immensely nervous knowing I was about to have my first ever kiss. My stuttering did make Alicia smile and giggle, which was the face I wanted to see before I kiss her. On very rare occasions did I ever see Alicia smile, then again who would normally smile in a post apocalyptic world? Alicia's smile and crystal green caused my heart to erupt and warm my blood, I felt really intoxicated and excited to kiss for the first time. I slowly inclined myself towards Alicia's waiting lips and could feel the butterflies in my stomach and my throat melt like butter in a hot pan. This was it I was going to finally do it, I'm going to kiss Alicia and no one is going to stop me. My lips were dry, I might not know how to kiss, but I didn't care. Take the opportunity now and bask in your first real kiss with the woman you love.

Getting past the perimeter where I got close to kissing a pair of lips, my lips were finally touching hers. I kissed Alicia's lips slowly and tenderly and tried to follow her lead. After a third soft tenderly kiss, I drew my head back and reflected on what I will always remember as my first kiss. I was on top of the mountain and in complete rapture. Alicia's lips were exactly how I thought they were, they were so soft and pliable. There was nothing so enticing or thrilling than kissing Alicia's perfect full lips.

„So how was it?" asked Alicia with a sly smirk on her face.

„Alicia it's… it's," I struggled to put it into words, I even heard Alicia snicker. „Alicia that was amazing, it was even better than I thought."

„It was your first kiss wasn't it?"

„Da that's right, first girl I've ever kissed."

„Saving it for me have you," asked Alicia, nudging me in the arm.

„Da, there were other girls who wanted to kiss me, but I couldn't. You were the one I love and wanted to sell my first kiss to."

„You love me?" baffled Alicia as if she didn't think I was in love with her.

I looked into Alicia's eyes to make it look more honest and confessed, „Da, I loved you. I always have, ever since I saw you for the first time. You're the reason why I've come, why I've come a long way. I came all that way to tell you that I love you with all my heart and I would do anything to protect you and your family."

Alicia's attentive expression then turned into another smile and feel flattered by my confession. „Mikhail that is very sweet of you, I'm really happy to have you with us. I was the one who convinced my mum to follow you after you left the ranch."

„You were?" I felt surprised.

Alicia nodded and hummed to confirm.

„Well Alicia I don't know what to say. Guess you really did need me."

„Of course I need you Mikhail, you're the best fighter," said Alicia, slapping her hand on my leg.

I felt really flattered and honored, I blushed, „Well I do what I can."

After a short pause looking into Alicia's eyes she then said to me, „Now that we kissed I can now tell you what it was Daniel said."

„Le gustas a ella'," I recalled, „What does it mean?"

„She likes you," answered Alicia.

The translation thrilled me and compelled me to ask, „And do you like me?"

„Yeah Mikhail I do," responded Alicia earnestly with a flirtatious smile.

This prompted me to smile and feel elated and exclaimed, „Alicia I can't believe it, you like me and I like you. Nyet I love you, that's what I meant to say."

Alicia smiled and after a moment of silence, she asked, „So are you going to stare at me or are you going to kiss your girlfriend again?"

„Sorry of course I'm going to."

I leant forward and kissed Alicia again but this time I did slowly. I took everything I learnt from my first kiss and made this kiss more methodically and passionately. While I was basking in kissing the lips I've always wanted to kiss, our intimate moment was interrupted with the sound of a click followed by a whirring sound. Alicia and I broke our kiss to look where the sound came from and there we saw was Rico with a camera. It was obvious he took a photo of us kissing as he pulled out the photo that slivered out of the slot under the lens.

„That's a keeper, wait till the folks get a load of this," smiled Rico shrewdly, waving the photo before he showed us a accurate shot of Alicia and I kissing. „Oh come on you two, I've got a picture of you two kissing, you're going to want to remember this."

„Thanks Rico we really wanted a picture," I said sarcastically.

„Oh I'm keeping the picture, after all I took it. Besides, I think I would like another one." Rico held the camera up to his eyes and quipped, „Smile you two and say cheese." The flash went off and it blinded me temporarily, it took five seconds to regain my sight again. „Hey you didn't say cheese."

„Rico I'm going to…" I snarled, preparing to get on my feet and retrieve the camera and photos from him until I felt Alicia's hand on my arm.

„Mikhail no, let him go he's not worth it," assuaged Alicia. I decided to abate my anger towards Rico for his cheeky act and sat back down.

„Hurry back you two, it's getting late," wisecracked Rico, before taking his leave.

Alicia and I continued to stare at the river which was a dark blue with ripples and a reflection of a red sun. I took a deep breath and asked Alicia something I needed to know, „Why me? What is it about me you like?"

„Because I always thought you were interesting. Well actually you were more like a mystery to me," answered Alicia.

„A mystery?"

„You were always on your own always doing something odd and quirky, I always wanted to know the person behind the quirks."

„So that's why you approached me after the talent show because you wanted to know me."

„Yeah, I used to think you were weird, but after getting to know you I realized how full of life you were. Besides, you remind me of someone."

„Who your father?"

„No, well in a way, but I was thinking of someone else. Also I saw you buy Mina an ice cream and I thought that was very sweet and kind of you to do something so thoughtful and generous." Being reminded of my noble unselfish really convinced me I was a good person.

„Da I guess I really am weird, but with a big heart which I give to you….. I, I don't know what else to say."

„Come here," giggled Alicia, pulling me towards her and throwing her lips onto mine. Alicia slowly removed her lips from mine and pressed her forehead up against mine and offered, „Would you like to sleep in my bed tonight?"

„I don't know I think you're going to need the bed more than me," I answered.

Alicia tore her forehead away from mine with a frown and clarified, „No dumbass do you want to sleep in bed with me?"

The thought of sleeping in the same bed with Alicia made me feel queasy in my stomach, but in comforting way. Kind of the feeling you get when you hear good news, almost like when I was announced as the winner of the talent show back at school.

„Da I would love to sleep in the same bed as you, it would be my pleasure. Oops that didn't come out right."

Alicia laughed, kissed me and said, „Wait till everyone has gone to bed and sneak into my room. I'll be waiting for you."

Unable to find an appropriate response, I decided that words weren't necessary. Not at a time like this. Tonight I was going to be sleeping in the same bed with the woman I love who is now officially my girlfriend. Now she was mine and I was hers there was only one thing I could do from that moment on, kiss her again and taste those soft exquisite lips again.

After another passionate kiss, Alicia rested her head on my shoulder and we stared at the river that was slowly fading into darkness, until it was looking like an endless pit of blackness.

One of my favorite things to do in the summer back in Russia was to sit by the lake and watch the sun go down, it was so therapeutic and peaceful, almost made me forget my troubles of having a neglectful father and a mother I knew nothing about. Now it was different, I was here in a similar place. I was already feeling the nostalgia and most of all, I was holding hands with the woman I love, and she was resting on my shoulder. All I could think about now was getting back home and sleeping in a bed with my girlfriend.

To be continued…