Catherine tried to reach over to comfort Sara, but when she pulled back away from her touch, her screams getting louder and louder, Catherine began to feel sick with worry. Looking around she noticed she was only 2 minutes away from the Hospital, and so started to drive again, all the while trying to talk to Sara, asking her to calm down, but with no effect.

Pulling up as close to the doors as possible, she hesitated for a moment, before running inside and shouting for help.

'Someone help… please help… ' quickly a nurse and an orderly hurried towards her

'Ma'am?' The nurse asked grabbing on to Catherine's arm 'Ma'am, are you hurt?'

Catherine shook her head, and gestured towards the door 'My friend… ' she pulled away towards the door, hoping the two would follow her. Sara's frantic screams could be heard as soon as they stepped outside.

'What happened' the orderly asked

'I… I… she's hysterical, having a panic attack, she's pregnant….she's an alcoholic… I don't know how to help her…'

The nurse and orderly exchanged a quick look, which luckily Catherine missed. From that one sentence, both hospital staff had judged Sara, and although remaining professional, there sympathy instantly dropped.

'Ok, I'll grab a doctor and someone from obgyn' the orderly said calmly, turning to walk back into the hospital, as the nurse and Catherine approached the car.

'What's her name?' the nurse asked

'Sara…' Catherine said, shaking slightly at the scene in front of her.

'Sara…' the nurse called out gently 'Sara… you need to calm down, your scaring your friend here…' voice low, he walked closer to the car, and opened the door. 'Can you tell me where it hurts?'

Sara tensed for a moment as the door opened, the temperature difference causing her to shiver slightly. Hearing a voice which wasn't Catherine's calling to her over her screams, she blinked a few times, turning her head to see a tall and slim male nurse dressed in pale blue scrubs.

'Sara…' the nurse called again 'My name is Dylan…I'm here to help…'

Sara's eyes darted around looking for Catherine, who was stood a little way away from the car, arms wrapped around one another. Focusing on Catherine, Sara stopped screaming, but her breathing was still ragged. Dylan asked again 'Sara, where does it hurt… can you show me?'

He knew that it was highly unlikely there was any physical pain, but found that asking anyway was a good trick to get people to calm down from such episodes, it was a technique that he had been using for years, one he had picked up with his Mother who worked as a counsellor.

Sara turned her head to look at Dylan again, and placed her hand over her heart, and then lower down over her stomach, breath hitching, she whispered out one last time 'My baby…' before closing her eyes and passing out from exhaustion.

Xxx

When Sara next came round, she was lying in a hospital bed, and Catherine was pacing the room.

'What happened?' She whispered

Catherine whipped round, a smile instantly lighting up her face 'Sara…' she walked over to the bed, and pulled the woman into a tight embrace, her fingers playing in the soft brown locks of Sara's hair.

Sara awkwardly hugged Catherine back before pulling away slightly, confused and embarrassed once more to having Catherine see her in such a vulnerable position.

'What happened?' she asked again.

'You had a panic attack in the car on the way here… you passed out… you've been out for about 5 hours now… '

'Oh…' Sara mumbled, looking down at the sheets, her fingers toying nervously with the cloth

'I'm sorry Sara… Grissom knows you're here…'

'Oh…' she mumbled again, sliding further into the sheets.

'Sara…' Catherine said, perching herself on the edge of the bed, placing her hand gently on Sara's arm.

'Yeah?' Sara mumbled unable to look at Catherine, wishing for the ground to shallow her up.

'I'm sorry… It's just, well, you know it's been close to 3 days now, since the bar fight… Grissom was starting to wonder about your absence, and mine… and well, Nick and I, couldn't keep it quiet much longer… there were too many people, who knew too many things, and they were starting to put two and two together, and well, Grissom needed to know why Hornby was arrested…'

Hearing this, Sara's head snapped up 'What?'

'Oh… I… I forgot you didn't know… the charges against you were dropped, he made it all up, to get back at Rose… they happened to be married… it's … it's complicated… anyway, he was arrested for making false charges against a member of LVPD.. '

Sara smiled weakly 'I didn't do it…'

'No sweetie… No, you didn't do anything wrong…' Catherine said, her fingers running up and down Sara's arm.

Sara scoffed 'I've done plenty wrong…' with this Sara turned herself away from Catherine 'I'm tired… please leave…'

'No' Catherine said quietly but forcefully 'No Sara, you can't run away from this. You need to let the doctors examine you, and then you need to get treatment… Isn't this why you asked me to bring you here?'

Sara rolled over again, but once again couldn't bring herself to look at the woman sitting next to her on the bed. She did however tentivatly place her hand on Catherine's hip, fiddling with her shirt.

'I'm scared…' she whispered.

'I know… I know you are sweetie, one step at a time… one step at a time… '

Sara nodded slightly

'If you let me fetch the Doctor, they can check your vitals now that your awake, and then they can do an ultrasound, check on the baby… from there, they can discuss your options…'

Sara didn't speak for a while, but eventually she nodded her consent.

Xxx

'Hello Miss Sidle, Nice to see you awake, my name is Dr Whitaker, you can call me Eloise…' she extended her hand, and Sara took it 'Sara..' she managed, smiling weakly

'How are you feeling now?'

'Tired… shaky… embarrassed…'

'How about physically?' Eloise asked

'Oh… I don't know… I … I just, my whole body aches to be honest… but…' Sara hung her head down, mumbling into her chest 'I need a drink….'

'No… you want a drink…' Eloise said firmly, with this Sara shook her head 'No… you don't understand… it's like… It's like, my body needs it to stay alive… I … I can't remember the last time I went 30 hours without it… and it was torture, absolute torture to me, my mind… my body… '

Eloise nodded in understanding 'Your both wrong and right… the more you drink, the more your body gets used to it, so the more you need to drink to feel it's affect… so, the counter is also true, when you go a long time without it… but, as much as it is a physical thing, it's also a mental one… I can help with that.' She said all of this whilst putting a blood pressure cuff on Sara's arm, and taking her vitals.

'Do you want help with this, with getting sober?'

Sara could only nod, unable to find the right words, whilst Catherine stood in the corner of the room, just observing the scene playing in front of her. Dr Whitakers attitude was very professional, but also showed understanding.

'Good… Now, your 10 weeks pregnant?'

Sara just nodded again.

'When did you find out?' Sara glanced up at Catherine 'Ummm…' she furrowed her brow, the events of the past few days mumbling in her mind, a clear timeline unavailable to her.

'A little under 2 days ago' Came Catherine's voice from the corner of the room, Eloise glanced up at her, before turning her attention back to Sara.

'It wasn't planned?' Sara shook her head no.

'Ok… how did you find out, how did you not know?' she asked gently, with this Catherine stepped a little closer to the bed, this was something that was also bothering her, just how did Sara not know something like this.

'I… It's a long story… let's just say, I found out because a friend had to do a Tox screen on me, and it showed up in the results…among a load of other stuff…'

'What 'Stuff?'' The Doctor asked, glancing between the two women

'Alcohol mostly, ghb, weed, synthetic insulin and poppers… I think that was all… Sara was drugged… it's been a very long couple of days…' Catherine said stepping a little closer to the bed.

'Ok…I'll have to get a copy of that report…' Catherine just nodded, before turning and pacing the room again.

The doctor turned her attention back to Sara again 'How come you didn't know?' she asked again.

Sara leaned back against the bed, eyes shut once again 'I had a miscarriage last year, my cycles haven't been the same since… '

'And when did you start drinking heavily, was this before or after the miscarriage?' Eloise asked.

Catherine stopped her pacing, and looked over to Sara once more, the guilt building up inside her once more for her actions the year before.

'After…The miscarriage was a result of a work place accident… I coped well with it… then my due date came along, and well, with one thing and another, I fall apart… Started drinking heavily, sleeping around… trying to forget I guess… I was torturing myself, if I wasn't working, I was drinking, clubbing… sleeping with strangers…sometimes I couldn't even remember it…I … I was raped a few times… never reported it… things got worse…I started to self-harm… at then, well, I ended up here…'

By now tears were streaming down Sara's face, and Catherine was also crying, a lump formed in Eloise's throat, and she had to take a minute to compose herself before she could continue

'I'm sorry you've been through all of that…'

Sara just shrugged wiping her tears away angrily.

'Have you self-harmed in the past, before your miscarriage?'

Sara shook her head no, and with this Catherine could only scoff 'Don't lie Sara!' she shouted. Once again the Doctor looked between the two of them, trying to read the room.

'I'm not lying!' Sara spat out

'REALLY? Then what the hell do you call all of those scars across your stomach!'

'Failed suicide attempts!' Sara screamed back, trying to pull herself out of the bed.

Eloise pushed Sara back down into the bed 'Sara…' she said voice quiet and calm, whilst Catherine stormed out of the room. Sara was sobbing once more, her body shaking.

'Sara… why did you try to kill yourself before?' she asked

'Karma…' Sara whispered

'Karma? I don't understand…' She said, her hands keeping Sara from moving off the bed.

'My daughter… she died because I fall asleep… I didn't want to live without her… she I tried to kill myself… '

'Ok Sara… Ok… it's ok… can you tell me how many times you tired?'

Sara lay quietly for a few minutes, the tears still falling 'Once a year, for 12 years… My birthday… The day I killed my little girl…'

Eloise could only nod, her hand rubbing soothingly against Sara's chest, trying to even out her breathing and to avoid another panic attack.

'Why did you stop trying?' She asked after a small silence

'I got wrapped in a case… I work as a criminalist… I missed my window… I felt relieved…I never tried again… It was… It was only after my due date that it all came too much….but…well, I guess I no longer wanted to die… instead I wanted to punish myself, for failing at being a mother, for failing to stay pregnant…'

Eloise tilted her head in confusion 'I thought it was an accident?'

'It was… I got caught in an explosion…'

'Oh… I'm sorry…'

'It's ok…like you said, like Catherine said, it was an accident…'

'Catherine?' she asked, suddenly aware she hadn't asked the name of the blonde who had been in the room previously

'Yeah… the woman who was in here with me… anyway… it was an accident… I … I hadn't told anyone about the pregnancy… in all honesty, I was still coming to terms with it… after Rose… my first baby… anyway… well… I couldn't bring myself to decide what to do, and I started to half wish for something to happen, someone to make the choice for me… someone did… Catherine did….'

Sara wiped another tear from her eye, and looked towards the wall.

'Catherine did? What do you mean?' Eloise asked.

'Catherine cause the explosion ...' with this, Sara turned herself away from the Doctor, so she was lying on her side.

Neither woman said anything, then Sara whispered 'I've carried that guilt for a year now… as soon as a lost the baby, I knew wishing for it to die had been wrong…but, my wish came true, and I've felt awful ever since, not that I've spent much of my life feeling wonderful, mind you… only one person knew, the father, and we were no longer together at that point… I had no one to turn too…I tried, I really tried, to not let it get to me, and, well I failed at that, like I've been failing at everything else…and now… now here I am again, single and alone, pregnant with a baby I don't even know if I want, or can support, with no idea how much damage my drinking has caused it… if I'm even fit enough to be a mother… a third chance at getting it right, and I've already screwed up…' Sara choked out between the tears, unnoticing that in this time Catherine had slipped back into the room.