Ch. 18: Presents

"…We went back to Waterfall for reinforcements, but nobody wanted to come. By the time we had rallied a small force, Fuu was out of the country," Sakura concluded.

The Hokage stroked his beard, gazing into the crystal ball on his desk. "I think this has gone on long enough."

"Sir?" she said.

The Hokage's eyes were cold as they fixed upon our sensei. "The rank of S was only invented ten years ago, in order to describe me. Would you like to explain how, during a simple kidnapping mission, your team ended up in combat with two S-ranked ninja?"

Kakashi said, "Huh. That's a good question."

The Hokage's eyes swept over us, and he said, "The three of you are dismissed."

We waited for Kakashi outside of the Hokage Tower. It was still morning, when the rush to get good missions was at its thickest, and Naruto was waving to everyone who passed.

"How do you know all these people?" I said.

Naruto's forehead wrinkled. "They're from all over the place. That guy guards the gate. Konohamaru—Hey Konohomaru!—is the Hokage's grandson. That girl was in our class at the Academy."

The young medic nin with her hair in a pineapple ignored Naruto's wave, but waved energetically at me. I kept my face completely blank, as if I was looking at something behind her and hadn't noticed the wave. "I don't remember her."

"She was in your fan club," Naruto said.

"Really?" Honestly, she doesn't even look familiar.

Naruto growled. "She used to give you a homemade bento every Friday."

I was having some trouble tuning out Sakura's furious, whispered conversation with herself. I edged away from her. "Did I eat them?"

"No," Naruto said, "you set them on fire."

I nodded. "That sounds kind of familiar."

"You're such a jerk, Sasuke."

Kakashi shunshined in front of us. "It turns out that our missions can't be upgraded anymore, so we're only getting paid for a B-rank."

That was odd. Naruto said, "Huh? Why's that, sensei?"

"The Hokage finds it pretty unlikely that we would keep encountering hostile ninja on all of our missions. He thinks that maybe we're asking for it, like we should wear different clothes or stop picking fights with everyone."

Sakura placed her hands on her hips. "We are not—"

Kakashi silenced her with a raised hand. "No, I've thought about it, and I've decided that he's right. Like, on this last mission, we didn't even try diplomacy."

Sakura smiled politely, her body trembling with killer intent.

Kakashi said, "Also, I always pick clients who are just a little bit shifty because I like surprises."

Several months later, I had come to the conclusion that the Hokage was right.

First, we were ordered to escort a famous actress to snow. It turned out that she was the long lost princess, whom Kakashi had helped escape years earlier, and she wanted to take back the country. I'm not sure why they didn't just pay for a government overthrow in the first place. It would only be a B-rank.

Then, we were hired to protect a prince from the Land of Moon. Of course, three missing nin had been hired on their own B-rank and had taken over the country in his absence. Then we had to steal back the country and kill the hired ninja.

We'd also just finished a mission to find a missing pet ferret, where a group of ninja who used chakra-infused stones to cast jutsu had nearly confused Naruto into joining their cult.

Thankfully, we had finally been assigned to a mission that was originally ranked as an A, rather than having the label applied to it later.

"Kakashi-sensei, you're late!" Sakura and fifteen Narutos shouted.

Kakashi rubbed at his ears with a wince. "Sorry. I tried to take a shortcut through the stadium, but then I felt an impending sense of doom. So I had to go to the temple for a blessing."

Sakura's killing intent flared as she crossed her arms. "That doesn't take three hours, sensei."

"There was a line," Kakashi said.

Kakashi probably wasn't lying. The temples had been swarmed lately. Grey-faced civilians hurried inside to pray, and mothers bought talismans to hang around their children's necks. Swarms of ninja perched on the rooftops, threatening passing birds with kunai.

Killer intent lay thick in the air, like humidity before a storm.

My teammates seemed completely relaxed, however. Sakura's deep-seated rage had long since desensitized her to killing intent, and Naruto was always unobservant. Even Kakashi, despite his excuses, seemed uninterested in the danger that lingered on the breeze.

As the Hokage welcomed us into his office, his smile stretched slightly wider than usual, thin lips tight against white teeth. An Anbu closed the door behind us and darted back to the shadows.

"The one-tailed demon has begun to reform," the Hokage said.

"Wha? It can do that?" Naruto yelled.

I was only an infant when the nine-tailed fox attacked the village, but I grew up on stories of ninjas crushed by a batted paw and dangerous ninjutsu that prompted only a fiery, chakra-infused sneeze. A lash of the fox's tail had destroyed the original Hokage Tower, and today we stood in its facsimile.

I shivered. "How long do we have until the beast is whole again?"

"Three days. Maybe two, depending on the weather," the Hokage said.

Sakura licked her lips nervously. "Th-that doesn't leave much time for an evacuation, sir."

"There's no need for an evacuation," the Hokage said. "When the demon reforms, your team will place it under a genjutsu while Hashirama traps him with the Mokuton. Then, a specialized team will be there to imprison him in a new vessel. They'll be using a modified version of your seal, Naruto."

Huh. I didn't know that Naruto had started to create his own seals. That was pretty cool.

"By vessel, you mean a jinchuriki, right?" Sakura said.

The Hokage chuckled. "Naruto, you know my grandson, Konohamaru?"

The blond nodded. "Yeah. He's in the Academy, right?"

"He's going to be a genin fairly soon, and I wouldn't even consider him for Hokage. We're all very disappointed," the Hokage said.

"So, you're gonna put a demon in his belly?" Naruto said.

The Hokage shook his head, his towering hat exaggerating the motion. "No, no, he's far too old for that. The boy's a lost cause. Thankfully, my son's new wife has just given birth to a cute little granddaughter. So I figure we'll start stacking the deck right from the start."

"You're going to put a demon in your granddaughter?" Sakura said.

"I agree. It's a terrible idea." The First Hokage, Hashirama Senju, dipped his brush in ink as he pulled down an unsigned page of paperwork.

"Oh, enough from you," the Hokage grumbled.

Hashirama met his gaze coolly. "The Leaf Village does not need two jinchuriki."

Sakura said, "We already have one?"

Kakashi placed a hand on her shoulder and a finger to his lips. "Shh."

"The jinchuriki are incredibly powerful weapons. What am I supposed to do, just hand it back to Sand?" the Hokage said.

The First wrote down his signature again, his writing messier than on the last one. "Yes. The jinchuriki have always done more damage to their own villages than any of their official opponents. That's why I gave them away in the first place."

The Second Hokage's grin was wolfish, a stark contrast from his usual overly-serious expression. "It was like giving a lit bomb as a gift."

"Wait a second," Naruto said. "If jinchuriki are so bad, why do we have one?"

Seriously, who was this mysterious jinchuriki?

The First Hokage said, "Konoha has always been uniquely prepared to handle demons. I defeated all nine of them with my Mokuton."

"Nobody else has the Mokuton now, though," Sakura said, thoughtfully toying with the mask perched atop her head.

"Kurenai does," Naruto said.

She rolled her eyes. "That's different, Naruto."

"We expected the Mokuton to die with me," Hashirama said. "Luckily, the Uchiha are capable of mesmerizing the beasts."

The Hokage's smile twitched. "The Uchiha are all dead."

The First Hokage turned to me. "What."

"Well, not that one. But the rest of them."

His monotone voice came out strained, and his black hair began to frizz as we watched. "They were a third of the village."

The Hokage casually positioned himself behind his own stack of paperwork, providing a barrier between the First Hokage and himself. "Well, not anymore. One of their prodigies went crazy and massacred the whole neighborhood."

"Ah yes," Tobirama said, pulling down a piece of paperwork. "The Uchiha Madness."

Hashirama sighed, his free hand pinching the bridge of his nose as his dominant hand continued signing. "Tobirama, there is no such thing as Uchiha Madness. That was one guy."

Tobirama snorted. "Typical Senju Optimism."

Hashirama blew out a long breath. "Right. No Uchiha. That's fine. That's why we organized an alliance with the Uzumaki seal masters…who, come to think of it, are also dead."

Hashirama silently narrowed his eyes at the Third Hokage.

"Look, I understand how, when you put it all together like that, it sounds like some sort of conspiracy. But I assure you, it wasn't my conspiracy"—the Hokage cleared his throat—"Now, on to happier subjects. My son and daughter-in-law are going on a mission tomorrow morning, and I have offered to babysit."

The next morning, amid the thickening stench of demonic chakra, the Hokage led us to his granddaughter's home.

The Hokage flipped open a stack of pictures, so long that they brushed against the ground, and brandished them at Naruto. "This is Mirai's first picture. This is her first picture with her favorite grandfather. This is her first picture with me. This is her first practice kunai…"

We knocked on the door to the house and were greeted by a familiar face. Naruto shouted, "Hinata? You're the old man's daughter-in-law?!"

"Wh-what?" Hinata squeaked. Her left arm curled protectively around a dark-haired baby, and her creepy puppet dangled from her right hand, its mouth gaping. "N-No. We're just baby-sitting."

She rattled the puppet's mouth with a twitch of her fingers and spoke out of the corner of her lips. The puppet's "voice" was high-pitched and boyish, with an echo. "It's just a D-rank, but anything for Kurenai-sensei. Right, Hinata-chan?"

"R-right," Hinata said with her usual shy smile. It was kinda creepy.

"I hadn't realized that she and Asuma had gotten married," Sakura said.

"Asuma is the old mans' son?" Naruto said.

"Yes, of course he is," the Hokage said, patting Naruto's head.

Naruto ducked under the hand. "Since when?"

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Since always, moron."

"Wait. Do you mean always like, always or"—Naruto waved his hand around vaguely—"always?"

Sakura shook her head. "We're here to pick up Mirai, Hinata."

Hinata's lips thinned, and she held the baby more tightly against her chest. "I, um, I don't think I'm allowed to let anyone else…well, watch her. Asuma and Kurenai-sensei were very specific in their care instructions."

The puppet scurried into an adjacent room and returned with a scroll. The puppet said, "It says it right here. 'No one else is allowed to take Mirai. Not even family members."

The Hokage took the instructions from the puppet's hands, humming. "Mm. Yes, I see. Asuma underlined that line quite a few times. I understand your dilemma."

Hinata slightly loosened her hold on the Hokage's granddaughter. "You do?"

He nodded, his smile grandfatherly. "I'm upgrading your mission to an A-rank. You'll continue babysitting adorable little Mirai and be tasked with protecting her from the one-tailed demon."

"We're gonna shove it in the baby's belly," Naruto explained.

Hinata leaned against the doorway, pale. "Do…Her parents…They don't know about this; do they?"

The Hokage reached forward to scoop the baby out of Hinata's arms. "It's a surprise wedding present."

The puppet squeaked, "They got married six months ago."

The Hokage crouched down to the puppet's level, tilting Mirai so that her squinted eyes could peer at its wooden face. "That's what makes it such a great surprise!"

We spent the next two days camped out in the forest that surrounds Konoha. In a small clearing, a team etched seals into the dirt and mixed blood into their ink, arguing about how best to seal the demon into Mirai. A second team, comprised of the three Hokages, were signing paperwork against the tree trunks as they waited.

At some point, Kakashi had acquired the baby and retreated into the treetops. The two stared blankly at each other, occasionally cooing.

I leaned against a tree as the air rippled with the one-tailed demon's chakra. I would sometimes catch a glimpse of an eye or claw or tuft of fur before it dissipated in the fierce wind that raced through the trees.

Hinata kneeled on the grass, white eyes following Naruto's paint brush as he scribbled seals on slips of paper. "N-Naruto?"

He lifted his head. "Eh?"

"I, um, I was just wondering"—a red flush began to creep up her neck—"wondering if you were the real Naruto, right now."

Naruto scratched his nose with the pointed end of the brush. "What do you mean?"

The red had reached her ears by now. "I mean that…well…are you a clone right now?"

"Oh," Naruto said. "Yeah, I'm a clone, but that doesn't mean I'm not real."

The clone stood to his full height, and his speech grew faster and louder with each word, almost panicked. "I have thoughts and emotions and dreams. I'm gonna be Hokage. And, and everybody's gonna—"

A nearby bush turned into a second Naruto, who casually tossed a kunai through the first. The original clone glared at the hole in his jacket, shouted, "Oh, come on!" and dissipated.

"Heh, heh, sorry about that Hinata," the new Naruto said. "If you leave them out for a few weeks, the clones get all weird."

Hinata, fully red by now, was incapable of responding.

Sakura had been watching the scene from the entrance of our tent. She leapt to her feet and began to walk towards Naruto. "You're a clone, too, right?"

"Yep," the clone said.

She grinned, bringing her fingers into a familiar seal. "Okay. That's great. Hold still."

"Wha? But we're not even fighting this"—Naruto's voice took on a sharp edge—"Stop whining, moron. You can always make more bodies."

The clone then slammed his fingers together and shouted, "Henge!"

The girl's skin was corpse white and her hair black. Her lips twisted from a fierce scowl to a wild smile seemingly at random. She had retained Naruto's height, needing to tilt her face up a little to meet Sakura's eyes. Their faces were nearly identical, but there was something unsettling about the copy.

"Your forehead is smaller," I said.

The dark Sakura laughed. "Thanks."

That wasn't a compliment. Honestly, her forehead was really freaking me out.

As the Sakuras argued and a new Naruto arrived to shower them with compliments, I turned my attention back to the demon. A pair of eyes drifted to life, two glowing yellow dots rimmed with black. My Sharingan activated, but they were already gone. I huffed.

A soft voice said, "Are you alright?"

I glanced a few feet to my left, where Hinata had approached. Half her body hid behind a tree trunk, as if preparing for my attack. That seemed prudent of her.

I said, "I'm thinking."

"O-oh?"

"I need to distract a demon, but what does a demon want?"—my fingers dug into the tree behind me—"What does it fear?"

"Trees."

Hinata, startled by the First Hokage's sudden appearance, squeaked, "Sorry?"

"Demons fear trees."

I glanced at the forest around us. "Hn."

Hashirama stared unblinkingly into my Sharingan. "Bigger trees. Trying to grab it. It's always worked for me."

"Oh. You mean the Mokuton," Hinata said.

Naruto tugged at her sleeve, jerking his thumb towards Sakura, her double, and the Hyuuga's creepy puppet. "Hey Hinata, how do you do that?"

"H-how do I…?"

"Make the puppet talk while you're talking," Naruto said.

Her eyes widened. "W-wait. The puppet was talking?"

The head of the sealing team, a kunoichi with a broken nose, barked, "Get the baby down here! The demon's waking up."

In an instant, Kakashi dropped down beside her, and the team began painting the seal onto the fussing infant's stomach. The demon's chakra crushed the air from our lungs, pressing against us as fiercely as the sudden wind. In my peripheral vision, an enormous body took shape. Sandy hair, streaked with black, covered the fat body, whipping tail, and sharp claws, but I retained eye contact with the beast's pinprick eyes.

I strode forward, drawing its gaze into my own, and pictured the trees around us stretching and groaning, spindly hands reaching for the beast. Their real world counterparts would soon mimic my illusions, trapping the demon while the seal masters frantically chanted over their work.

Then, three ninja descended on the back of a clay falcon, dressed in the same black and red cloaks as Itachi. One was hunchbacked with wooden skin and a large hat. The second was fair-haired and seemed to be directing the falcon. The third ninja, short and wearing a Naruto-orange mask, uncapped a misshapen pot, which sucked up the one-tailed demon.

We were thrown off-balance as the demon's chakra broke into wisps, the wind fell to a restless stir, and the clay bird flew away. The Hokage's granddaughter let out a scream, wriggling and smudging the ink on her stomach.

The Third Hokage's voice was ice as he turned to our team. "How dare they steal from a defenseless baby and make my precious little granddaughter cry. Hunt them down and bring back Mirai's birthday present."