Chapter 19

It was Monday, and the morning before the monthly Meryton assembly and dance. It was not a ball, but the dance alone was enough to send the Bennet household into chaos. Elizabeth was by no means removed from the excitement of the night, but as it was only one o'clock and a full eight hours until they would leave, she found that she could be calm. Her mother had insisted that she and Mary not go to piano lessons that day as they would be too busy preparing. Elizabeth had thought this consideration unnecessary but not being a person well used to daily practice in any case, she was glad for the excuse to be lazy.

She found her favorite secluded spot, a window that overlooked the garden. It hadn't been a window seat, but Elizabeth had found an ottoman at just the right height and now it was. It was at the end of the hallway between Mary's room and a store room. Mary was the only one of the sisters with her own room. This was because she snored so loud that no one could sleep in the same room with her.

Elizabeth had several letters and a book that she was eager to fall into, but she found herself too caught up in her own thoughts to concentrate. Instead, she watched the gauzy curtains float in the spring breeze and thought of Mr. Darcy. Mr. Darcy. Fitzwilliam Darcy… She let out a small romantic sigh. She knew she was being silly, but felt almost as if she were dreaming. These last several days had been so happy. It had been three days since he had told her that he loved her. It had been such a perfect moment and Lizzy still blushed to remember it. The way that he had held her, kissed her, and spoken of passionate love had thrilled her.

In the moment she had thought he would propose, but when he had looked at her expectantly, she had known that he wanted her to say that she loved him back. She had wanted to say it, but the words had just not come. After a few seconds he had smiled reassuringly, kissed her again, and then led her home. She had so appreciated his willingness to give her time but had since decided that when the moment came again, she would not hesitate. She loved him and wanted him to know.

Another few moments were spent blissfully daydreaming before she shook herself and opened her letters. The first one was from Charlotte Collins. Within it, Elizabeth found the news that she would very soon see her friends as the Collinses would come to Lucas Lodge by the end of the week. The reason for this sudden removal was only hinted at in the letter, but Elizabeth understood. Lady Catherine had been rendered so exceedingly angry at theearl's support of their relationship that Charlotte, really rejoicing in the match, was anxious to get away till the storm was blown over. Elizabeth smiled down at the letter; the arrival of her friend would bring her sincere pleasure. And the idea of an angry but powerless Lady Catherine was enough to keep her well entertained.

She only hesitated to think that her pleasure must be dearly bought when she realized that Mr. Darcy would be exposed to all the parading and obsequious civility of her friend's husband. Determinedly, she promised herself that she would protect her Mr. Darcy, as he tried so hard now to be polite that she must do her part and help him.

Elizabeth opened her next letter. It was from her childhood friend, Harriot Gladstone. Of all the girls she had grown up with, Harriot had married the 'best'. Mr. Gladstone was from a good family, well connected and very rich. He was also in his fifties, selfish and a drunk. If nothing else had influenced Elizabeth to refuse Mr. Collins, it had been her friend. Harriot never spoken of being miserable, but Elizabeth could still hear it in the tone of her letters. So, Elizabeth was thrilled to receive this letter which revealed that Harriot was pregnant. She sounded so happy and hopeful that Elizabeth almost cried. She wrote cheerfully not only of her nursery plans but how everything else in her life seemed brightened by the hope the child gave her. Harriot detailed the busy lives of both herself and her husband. She told stories of all the charities she ran, committees she served on, her husband's guests, and his search for a new curate. But instead of the dull tone usually accompanying theses stories, there was a liveness that Elizabeth had missed. Determined to answer it quickly, Elizabeth opened her last letter.

It was from her Aunt Gardiner. Mrs. Bennet had sent her a long, very detailed letter of all the fabrics she was supposed to procure for Jane's trousseau, only to end the letter by saying that it would perhaps be better to go herself. Thus, the main point of the letter was to clarify whether she should prepare the trousseau or her house for the Bennet ladies' imminent arrival. Laughing, Elizabeth read on to her aunt's other comments and then found the second sheet addressed to Jane.

Standing, she made her way downstairs to find her eldest sister surrounded by magazines and scraps of material. Jane turned huge pleading eyes towards her, but Elizabeth just laughed and shook her head. She knew that it was not within her power to protect her sister from the planning of her own wedding. She handed the letter off to her sister and then went to her room to freshen up before tea.

Elizabeth arrived back in the sitting room a quarter hour before tea was to be served, but her mother shooed her away, telling her that Kitty and Lydia had invited several of the officers to join them for tea time. They should be arriving any minute, and Elizabeth should join her young sisters in waiting for them outside.

Elizabeth did not want to behave in such an ungenteel way as to wait outside for officers, but shuddered to think of how Kitty and Lydia would behave if they were unchaperoned. So she did as she was bid. Her youngest sisters were picking flowers and making lazy wreaths when Elizabeth found them. She listened to their chatter with only half an ear while she daydreamed of dancing with Mr. Darcy in just a few hours.

Suddenly, Kitty gave a little squeal and Elizabeth looked up to see four gentlemen nearing them from the road. One of the men was Lt. Wickham, and he had his arm in a sling and a black eye. Elizabeth had to quell her own exclamation of surprise when she understood what she was seeing. Slowly, she drew closer to the group where Lt. Wickham was already soothing the worries of her sisters.

"I thank you for your concern, fair ladies, it is barely anything I assure you. Only the type of thing that one must face when in my line of work. This is what training is for! So that when the knife is real, I don't get killed instead of simply falling and hurting my wrist!"

"What happened to your poor face then?" Kitty asked.

"Hit it too when I fell! After my wrist collapsed under my weight, I tumbled and there was an unfortunately placed rock."

"Still, it is hideous that you were hurt! And so unfair!" Lydia said stoutly and then glared at Elizabeth.

Elizabeth couldn't help but be taken aback and felt heat fill her face. She knew that Lydia meant that it was unfair that he was a soldier at all instead of a comfortable gentleman. She was being glared at because she was all but engaged to the man who had done it to him. From now on, she would be connected with Mr. Darcy, including all his successes and his failures.

Elizabeth clenched her fists but didn't respond. She could not defend Mr. Darcy's actions, but she would also not admit his fault in front of others. Instead, she only smiled amiably and Lydia, losing interest, dashed off toward the swing, asking one of the other officers to push her.

"I would like to as well!" Kitty squealed and chased after them.

Elizabeth shared an exasperated smile with Lt. Wickham and then said, "You are truly not very hurt?"

"No, Miss Elizabeth, I am not. I understand how shocking I must appear to you. How much violence could a gentlewoman such as you have seen? Indeed, I almost didn't come for fear of shocking you, but I hope you can forgive me if my better judgement was overwhelmed by my desire to see you." "

Elizabeth shook her head. She was shocked, she could admit. It was not common for her to see someone actually hurt. However, she could well weather the sight after a moment. Of the black eye, it bothered her little. She had actually had one herself, but wasn't about to tell the story of Jane's one true loss of temper to Lt. Wickham of all people.

However, she did worry about his wrist. If it was seriously hurt, how would he work? Would not his life of necessary action continue to exacerbate the issue? She was glad that it was at least in a sling, but wished he had rested it since he had had a free afternoon.

"Don't worry, Miss Elizabeth. I am truly well."

Elizabeth glanced up to see him looking down on her, his face filled with concern. "I am relieved that it is not too serious."

"And don't worry, I don't blame you."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm sorry, I caught the insinuation your sister made and … I just did not want you to think that you - Miss Elizabeth, I hope you do not mind me speaking bluntly?"

"Pray, proceed."

"While I cannot promise that I do not still hold some resentment towards some people. I hope that your association with those people does not mean we cannot be friends. I had worried that that would be the case when you returned, but as you are still standing here speaking with me...? I hope that we can continue as we always have."

Elizabeth couldn't help but be touched by his goodness. Though she was in a relationship with a man who had hurt him so, Lt. Wickham could see beyond that and value the separate friendship that they had formed. Not many people would be so open minded.

Without thinking, she gently touched his arm. "Thank you, I do as well."

Lt. Wickham smiled his delightful, charming grin and said playfully, "After all, friendships are the only richness I have now, so I must value each and every one!"

Elizabeth laughed and withdrew her hand. "Indeed you must! For you never know when one might be useful!"

A thought caught Elizabeth's attention. She had a way to be a useful friend for Lt. Wickham! She had meant it as a joke, but perhaps there could be truth to it.

She grinned up at him. "Lt. Wickham, you must excuse me, I suddenly thought of something … perhaps a way to be of use - but no, I shouldn't say anything more at this time. Let us go in, Mother is expecting you for tea."

She called for Kitty and Lydia and they all went in together. All throughout tea Elizabeth's mind ran with excitement. Harriot! Harriot had mentioned that her husband was looking for a curate! It wasn't his own parish, but Elizabeth thought she remembered that the current parson was quite old, and if Lt. Wickham sold his commission and served the parish as the curate, then he would be sure to get the full parson position when the current one died or retired. And indeed, it would be best for a young man like Lt. Wickham to train before he received the full responsibilities. She had to almost bite her own tongue to keep from telling Lt. Wickham, but she did not know if it was possible, and would hate to get his hopes up only to have them be dashed again.

So, she kept her peace, despite the curious glances he sent her. Then, as soon as the gentlemen left, Elizabeth rushed upstairs to write to her friend. She made sure not to push too hard, as she knew her friend had a lot to worry about and did not wish to strain the relationship. Elizabeth only explained that she knew a young man, very well suited, educated and raised for the church, who had lost his expected position through no fault of his own. She spoke a few words of how well liked he was and his current service in the community as a part of the militia. She also mentioned that he would be leaving soon for Brighton and so, if it was a possibility, Elizabeth would desire a reply before the militia left the area. Then Elizabeth left the topic to speak of more general things and the excitement she shared for Harriot's baby.

She added her letter to the family post and then went to rest. She would be up late and would be tired if she didn't rest in the afternoon.

…. … … … … … … …

Elizabeth and her family did not return to their home until well after midnight. Everyone was happy but exhausted, so Elizabeth and Jane all but fell into their bed.

When they finally awoke they did so slowly. They were still tired, a little sore, and had headaches from the constant activity and punch. They expected no callers this morning as everyone they knew would be feeling much the same.

Elizabeth, by force of habit, was the first awake and so was able to bathe first. As she brushed her hair out and got dressed, she reminisced about the evening before. When she had arrived at the assembly, Mr. Darcy had been waiting for her outside the venue and had escorted her in. She would not soon forget his expression when he had first seen her.

It was true, she had spent extra care on her appearance that night and she thought she had looked her best. Her hair had been piled and twisted up high on her head with several coils left free at the back, twisting down her back. Tiny bunches of lilac flowers dotted her dark head and matched the silk of her skirt. Her bodice was white and just this side of modest, saved from being inappropriate by the lace she had added herself but was still, she knew, tempting. Her long white gloves were new and spotless and her dancing slippers were her most comfortable in preparation for many, many dances. .

Mr. Darcy had looked his best as well. He had looked so handsome in his coat and tails that she had blushed nearly every time she had looked at him all evening, which had been often. He had stuck so close to her all evening, getting her drinks, eating dinner with her and dancing three sets with her. She had warned him that this was all but a public declaration of engagement, but he had only kissed her hand and pulled her back into the dance line.

Elizabeth was humming the tune to one of the songs they had danced to when Jane returned from bathing.

"Let me help you dry your hair," Elizabeth offered, taking the towel and gently stroking her sister's golden head.

Jane sleepily thanked her and they spent a few moments in happy silence. Then Jane gave a dreamy and sigh and said, "I didn't know it was possible to be this happy, Lizzy."

"I always knew you were destined for such, dear Jane. You are so good. How could happiness not find you?"

"Don't tease, Lizzy. after all, I have plenty of return ammunition. I saw you and Mr. Darcy last night. Indeed, the whole of Hertfordshire watched the two of you stare into each other's eyes all night."

Elizabeth laughed and for a few minutes the sisters exchanged teases and happy reminisces. Then, changing the subject slightly Jane asked, "What of him dancing with you for three sets? You know how Mama and most everyone else will see it. Why did you accept? Have you decided to marry him?"

Elizabeth had still been brushing her sister's hair, but stopped now and went to the window, looking out towards Netherfield. "I think he will ask me very soon. And - and yes, I will marry him. I love him too much to say no now."

"You have settled your concerns about his past behavior?"

"As much as I can. I think - I think he did do all that Lt. Wickham accused him of, though perhaps there is more to the story than Lt. Wickham knows. Mr. Darcy has not denied the substance of the accusation, and he is still, I believe, rather proud. You must have seen that Mr. Darcy still was not pleased by Hertfordshire society and several times last evening I saw him shrug his shoulders, turn away, or be silent when speaking to various people. Nor did he dance much, other than with me. Also, he does not confide in me often."

Elizabeth turned and threw her hands up in happy but overwhelmed gesture. "Despite all that, Jane! Dearest Jane, he is so kind to me! He speaks to me so reasonably and well. I love how intelligent he is! And how he is always watching me. And how he kisses me. I believe we are good partners too. Even if he is reserved publicly the rest of his life, I can make up for it! You must have seen how well each conversation went last night when I was a part of it, how I helped him socialize and how he supported me."

She sat on the edge of the bed and added, "And when we argued, he did not get physical or aggressive. He stayed with me until we could speak comfortably again. You have no idea how much that means to me, Jane! So yes, if he asks, I will marry him."

Jane, who had finished getting dressed now, came over and hugged Elizabeth. "I'm so happy for you. I genuinely believe you will be happy with Mr. Darcy."

Smiling, Elizabeth hugged her back and then, laughing to break the serious mood, she pulled her sister up and said, "Let us go to breakfast. If I do not eat soon I am sure I shall perish!"

Arm-in-arm, they descended the stairs and broke their fast with the rest of the family. The rest of the day was quiet, with no visitors and with rather subdued Bennets. Mrs. Bennet, in particular, insisted everyone speak quietly the whole day as she had over indulged on punch the night before.

This did not stop her from her duties as the wedding planner for not one but two weddings. Just as predicted, Mrs. Bennet saw Elizabeth as engaged now and forced her to start making plans. Elizabeth insisted nothing be ordered or finalized until Mr. Darcy proposed and after some argument, Mrs. Bennet agreed. With this treaty in place, the afternoon was spent on wedding plans. They were mostly for Jane, but Elizabeth was often reminded to take note of her sister's plans and at least think of how she would want these things.

After the frustration of being forced early into planning waned, Elizabeth enjoyed herself. The fashion plates and material samples were beautiful. For flowers, Elizabeth thought maybe phlox or daisies would be beautiful, though Mrs. Bennet insisted that Mr. Darcy was rich enough to afford hothouse flowers for his wedding. Jane chose white lilies and little pink roses for her bouquet.

Now and again, Mrs. Bennet would pause the planning to impart some little piece of 'womanly wisdom,' which was sometimes helpful, but often dubious in substance. She even sent the other sisters away for a while and tried her best to speak about 'wifely duties'. This was mostly just very awkward. Elizabeth had read enough to know the basics of what to expect, but her mother spared no detail and seemed to see the act as equal parts horrific and delightful. Elizabeth couldn't, in the moment, imagine doing such a thing. Jane was so embarrassed that she eventually bolted from the room. As it was nearly dinner time by then anyway, Mrs. Bennet released Elizabeth as well.

Elizabeth took a turn in the gardens to cool off and then went to her room to refresh herself. Dinner passed quickly with Mr. Bennet, Mary, and Elizabeth all bringing their books to the table to read as they ate. This was, of course, horrible manners, but one that their father had infected them with long ago. Elizabeth spent the rest of the evening reading in her father's study.

She had been slightly uncomfortable after dinner, but had dismissed it. A few hours into reading, however, the feeling grew stronger until Elizabeth suddenly realized what it was. She went to her room to check and sure enough, her time of the month had come. It was annoying, but normal. Sighing, she donned her linens and belt.

Tomorrow she would not get to see Mr. Darcy even if he did call. Disappointed and sore, Elizabeth went to bed early.