A Long Way Home

by Castlefan6

Authors Note: Another What If based on the episode, COUNTDOWN, what happened if Rick didn't return to the precinct after leaving after seeing Kate in Josh's arms? It starts with Canon dialog, courtesy of Dust Jackets Dot Com, then goes quickly and completely AU. The journey continues with a new Kate and Rick, hope you enjoy!

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create.

A/N This may or may not end up as a Caskett fic, if that bothers you, please wait for updates to see which direction the story goes. Respectful comments are always welcome, trolls will be deleted.

Also, we may take liberties with the timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, thanks.

Previously

Our Captain would want us to carry on the fight. And even if there is …

CASTLE is distracted by something glinting in the distance. He sees it once, twice, and on the third time, he realizes it's the scope of a gun, trained right at BECKETT giving the eulogy. A shot is fired and he's running towards her, but he's not in time. She's hit. She lurches backward as CASTLE takes her down.

Kate!

The mourners at the funeral all scream as they realize what's happened. LANIE is horrified for her friend but she's held back by ESPOSITO.

RYAN
Where'd that come from?

ESPOSITO
Lanie! Get down!

RYAN
Beckett's down! Beckett's down!

CASTLE is with her. He's trying to keep her calm, keep her with him.

CASTLE
Kate, shh… Kate. Stay with me, Kate. Don't leave me, please. Stay with me, okay?

She's trying, focusing as hard as she can on him, but it's too much. She's been shot and she's scared and she can't stop the tears from escaping her eyes.

CASTLE
Kate, I love you. I love you, Kate.

***************************************************************************/

Chapter 19

Mercy Hospital

Twenty Minutes Later

Rick had stayed with Kate, putting direct pressure on the wound with one of his linen handkerchiefs, she was unconscious and Lanie was screaming at the medics to get her into the ambulance. Once the Medics took over, Rick gathered Alexis, Martha who had just made it in the previous evening, Gina and Beth and sped behind the ambulance to Mercy Hospital, not much they could do, but wait for the doctors to take care of her, IF he had only been a moment sooner, he lamented.

Her blood was still on his shirt, his hands, and his suit, so he hurried to the men's room, trying to wash it off. He had spotted Lanie on top of her on a gurney applying CPR, that wasn't a good sign, but he was glad they had at least talked. She at least knew he had forgiven her, so that was some consolation, now they had to wait for the Doctors to come out to tell them how she's doing.

Beth was very sweet, making sure the entire Castle clan was taken care of, with water, juices, coffee, even bringing Martha a gluten-free muffin she had to go to the other side of the hospital to purchase, much to Rick's disgust.

"Mother, she's not a slave, she's doing this for this family, no more special orders or you can march your self out to get them yourself."

"Richard, Darling, she works for you, I don't see the problem with what I did"

"Right mother she works WITH me, not for me, not you, find your own servant" he snapped and Martha knew when to keep her mouth shut.

Several hours later, Rick had Gina on one side holding one hand, Beth on the other side holding the other and Alexis sitting in the V of his legs with her head on his lap, Martha had taken a cab and gone home to lie down, which didn't upset anyone. Jim Beckett, sat close by, holding his head, Rick could only imagine what he was going through as he stole glances at his pumpkin, so happy she was healthy.

Finally, a doctor came out of the doors and asked for the Beckett family, Jim stood, and motioned for Rick to join him, "Son I'm not sure I can take it if it's bad news, I'm sorry to lean on you"

"No, Jim, no problem, I'm right here, Let's go talk to the Doctor but can we bring Lanie, she'll understand the words better than either of us"

"Thanks, Rick, see that's why I need you close by", as Rick reached down and took Lanie's hand and pulled her towards them, "Come on Lanie, we need you to interpret."

They talked to the doctors, and Rick was glad that Lanie was there to question and clarify the message they were conveying.

Kate had suffered a great deal of blood loss, but the direct pressure and CPR had helped keep her going, she had coded in the ambulance but responded to shock therapy and Epinephrine. The bullet had grazed an artery, hitting a rib, puncturing a rib, collapsing a lung, but they were able to repair the damage, now what she needed was rest. The doctors were hopeful for a full recovery, although it would take some time. The doctor did say, a millimeter either direction by the bullet and it would have been a totally different outcome.

"I suggest you all go home and get some rest, there's nothing anyone can do now, but wait", Dr. Alvarez the surgeon said.

"Jim, eh Mr. Beckett sir, is there anything we can do for you before we leave?" Rick asked Jim,

"No Son, Thanks, and thanks for trying to knock her out of the way. You diving for her, well you heard the doctor, you saved her life, Rick"

"I don't know about that, but call me day or night, I'll let you rest, call if you need anything," Rick said sincerely, then turned and walked towards his family to go home, as the doctor said she needed her rest, and so did the family. It had been a hell of a week, and he had to leave in 5 days to return to the UK.

He caught Lanie's attention, and mouthed, "Call me if you need anything", and Lanie gave a tearful acknowledgment.

Xx

Three Days Later

Mercy Hospital

Beth had been a lifesaver for Rick, she seemed to sense what he needed before he needed, and had kept in contact with the hospital, she had convinced a nurse to provide her updates, by text if anything was changing. Kate's signs were improving daily, but they still didn't know when she would come around completely, she was half in, half out until the third day, then she woke and fought to get the breathing tube out of her throat. She had made it through the tough period, now came the time for her to rebuild herself.

The first name she called out was "Rick" her Dad and Lanie were there, and it wasn't a surprise to them about who she wanted to see, Lanie made the call and Rick was there in less than two hours. He walked in with a small bouquet of her favorite flowers and smiled as he walked in.

"Castle, thanks for coming, I guess I was calling for you so Dad and Lanie called you. I told them you had things to do, that you were probably too busy, but you came, you really came."

"Of course, I came Kate, what would any partner do, well any good partner?"

"You're staring, God I must look awful, I'm sorry"

"No, no, you don't, I just thought I might never see you again, it scared the hell out of me. Then I heard you were opening a floral shop so I thought I would chip in"

"Most of them were here when I woke up, mostly from the precinct, not that I'd expect someone I sent up to send me flowers, she tried to laugh, but pain wracked her face,

"You know they will never let you live this down don't you, hate to say it but Cops can be real assholes when it comes to holding things over your head. Looks like it's your turn in that barrel" he smiles

"You trying to get me to admit something in a weak moment Castle?" she smiled back,

"Not at all Detective, just saying"

"Dad and Lanie told me how you tried to save me, and what the doctor said about how close I came to buying the farm, thank you, Rick, I'm sure that freaked your family out."

He realized what she's said and he stopped for a moment.

"I wasn't trying to take the bullet, Kate, just push you out of the way. You don't remember me tackling you?

"No, I don't remember much of anything, I don't even remember waking up, they told me I was yelling for or at you for a good ten minutes before I opened my eyes. I, um, I remember that I was on the podium and I remember everything just going black."

"Well at least you don't remember the gunshot, I know I was scared as hell," he quickly recovers from his initial thoughts, she hadn't heard or wasn't ready to admit she heard, he was betting on the latter.

"I guess it's true when they say that there are some things that are better not being remembered." She realized how he took her words the moment they were out, a look of disappointment and resignation, similar to that day in the elevator was on his once smiling face.

"I guess that's true, one less thing to cause nightmares, you look tired, I'll get going, let you rest" He tried to exit quietly,

"Castle, Rick, do you have to go so soon, I mean, I'm fine. When do you return to the UK?

"Day after tomorrow, Beth and I have a 6:00 AM flight, so I guess it's down to today and tomorrow, well at least till the next trip."

"Oh, so soon, I guess I did lose a few days here, just today and tomorrow and then when are you coming back?" She looked at him hopefully, thinking he would be back in weeks,

"I really don't know Kate; it depends on a lot of things out of my control. I know I have a book tour, there and here, when I don't know, but I'm sure Beth has been working with Paula and Gina to work out the details. Why do you ask?"

"I don't know about you, but I enjoyed our talk, I was hoping to have another one, but I went and got shot, kind of blew that idea all to hell, but do you really have to go, so soon Rick?" She had tears in her voice, and eyes, but refused to let them fall,

"Well, I guess that depends," his tone wasn't the same as it was just a few moments ago, this tone was commanding, sterner,

"Depends? Depends on what Rick?" she tried to use her innocent voice

"If you're ready to tell me the truth or you're going to stick with your story, which by the way has more holes in it than a piece of swiss cheese, so the depends is up to you Kate, what's it going to be?

She paused for a long moment, reaching for his hand that had been beside her on the bed until a few moments ago, but came up empty. She knew it was time to confess or Rick was sincere, he was leaving and probably not coming back, ever.

"OK, I remember everything, I'm sorry, but I didn't know if you meant it or not Rick, I was trying to give you an out if you wanted it." Tears fill her eyes, knowing she had been caught in yet another lie

"Kate, I told you I loved you, that by the way is nothing new to the entire 12th precinct and half of New York, I finally told you to your face what I hoped I had shown you throughout the years. Apparently, I hadn't since you treat this as new information." His voice softened, it wasn't the stern bravado, but she could hear the hurt poured out in his words,

"No, no Rick, I was hoping, I just, well I know things have been tough between us, and I didn't want to get my hopes up, I mean I told you I loved you, I thought you would give a different response, but I understand the one you did now." Kate lowered her head, almost admitting that she deserved whatever treatment she received.

"Kate, remember when I told you I loved Gina, but we weren't in a position to move forward, well think about that and then compare us. Yes, I love you, but if Gina and I aren't ready, there's no way in God's green earth would you and I ever be ready, we haven't even gone on a date, hell up till a few days ago, even our friendship was in question.

"I'm sorry, this is tough timing, but I heard yet another lie after you promised you would always be truthful to me. Well, I want you to get well, then we'll see how you feel emotionally, right now, I think you're looking for another long-distance, I don't have to invest much in a relationship, and Kate, that's not with me. With me in London, you would be sure I wouldn't crowd you, or ask you to stop doing the thing that put you in that hospital bed, almost a grave beside your Mom."

"Rick, please, I do love you, you have to believe me."

"Kate, I DO believe YOU believe that work on it with your therapist and see if he agrees. I'm sorry if you need something you know how to reach me, and yes, it's through Beth. I know she has feelings, deep feelings for me, but you see, she would do anything to make me happy, anything.

"I'm not there, not ready for any relationship, at least not yet, but Kate, take a look at your life, what chasing this man had done, to you, your Dad, how much more will it take for you to see, it's not worth it. I'm sorry, I really don't think your Mom would want you to live like this. Once again, I have stuck my nose in your business, so I'm going before I say more to piss you off, get well soon, Kate, I do love you, but not enough to be second in your life. Goodbye"

Xx

Rick was torn with emotions on his way home, he had told her things he had waited years to say, but he also had rejected her offer of getting together. That had been his dream, God, how he dreamed that someway he would be able to fix all her problems and together they would solve her Mom's case, and what then he asked himself, live happily ever after Rick? Get Real, for God's Sake, you write fiction, not fairy tales.

He decided to say a proper Goodbye to Roy, with all of the activity and then crime scene quarantine focused around the shooting of Beckett, it seemed like an incomplete way to end a funeral. He needed to say goodbye, in his own way. He parked the car a few hundred yards from the freshly covered grave, the earth had been piled on top of, and the slew of flowers that had been in the funeral home now lay on top of the mound of dirt left to die like the Captain had himself.

He walked slowly to the gravesite, not knowing what to expect, but as he got closer, a sense of comfort surrounded him, almost as if his friend was telling him he understood, and not to be sad. He arrived and looked at forlorn sight, remembering the vibrant and commanding man from only a few days previously that now lay six feet under the earth, a sense reminding him that no one lives forever, and to make each day count. He had never been much of a praying man, perhaps his prayers for Beckett to keep her alive were the first since he thought he was about to lose Alexis as a child.

He kneeled down, not knowing what to say, he paused, then just talked to him the way he would have had Roy been at his poker games or in the precinct.

"Roy, I want you to know I'm sorry for some of the things I said, you were never a coward, you gave your life trying to correct a wrong. I don't know of any man that brave, living or dead, but well you know me, I get a little hot-headed when things go south on me.

"Anyway, I'm sorry your service got interrupted, Kate always has a way to upstage us both, but this was a doozy. She's going to be just fine; you know that already, but just in case you've been busy transitioning to your new position I wanted to let you know.

"Roy, we never talked about finances, but I know you hadn't retired because the cost of college for your girls, well, I haven't told Evelyn yet, but I took care of that for you, hell it was your money you lost in poker to me anyway. I also set up a scholarship in your name, Evelyn will be involved in picking the recipient, a full ride, books, tuition, housing and a small stipend, for anyone who chooses Law Enforcement, or Criminology.

"God knows those who do are getting fewer and fewer and well, I know it's what would please you. I don't think I could have your boat with twin outboards delivered to where you're at now, but well, maybe this will do. Oh, and don't worry about Evelyn or the girls, my lawyers are taking care of everything, like you would have done for me, so Rest in Peace dear friend, and Thank You for teaching me how a real cop works, I'll talk to you later, so Till Then"

He felt an arm slip around his waist just as he finished speaking, and when he looked it was Evelyn Montgomery, tears in her eyes, and a single tear dripping from her left eye.

"How much did you hear Evelyn, I mean, I'm sorry I should have checked with you, but things have been moving so fast, and I have to leave early day after tomorrow."

"Rick, your attorney Howard contacted me, told me not to worry that per your instructions he was handling the estate and he also told me the girl's college was completely paid. Thank You, Rick, Roy loved you, just as much as he did the cops who worked for him, and you'll never know what a burden has been lifted from my shoulders. You're right, he was still working to pay for the girl's education, something he worked himself through school and paid student loans for twenty years.

"I wasn't clear on the scholarship Howard told me about, things aren't registering, I guess I still can't believe he's really gone. I agree with you, outside of his fishing boat, he would have opted for the scholarship, so once again Rick, thank you, this will keep his name alive far longer than our lives. He was my hero, I know he screwed up, and I know he died trying to make it right, he never knew I knew so it didn't surprise me that he chose this way to go out, he was always a bit of a rebel" She smiled through her tears,

"Thanks, Evelyn, look I don't know when I'll be back, but you have Howard's number, here are Gina's and Paula's if you or the girls need anything, please just call, promise me you will." As he handed her a business card.

"I will Rick, and thank you, safe travels, I know the next James Bond book will be a best seller, I already reserved my copy. Please come visit when you can, I don't play poker, but I do love you and your family as Roy did."

"I promise Evelyn, I have to run now, I'll leave you in peace, but please just call if anything comes up. See you next time" and then he turned and slowly walked away. Evelyn remembered Roy saying as long as Rick doesn't say Goodbye, you'll see him again, she hoped he was right,

TBC