What really happened to Ken Tanaka?

I sat in the bleachers, reading. Occasionally I'd look up to watch the football team practice. I didn't know much about the sport, but I could see that the players were being pushed hard.

Coach Tanaka blew into his whistle for the hundredth time. "Puckerman," he roared, "I want you running laps. Run until you remember how to block. Rutherford, hold onto the ball, or you're next."

Puck threw his helmet down and began to run around the football field.

I repeatedly passed the locker room, waiting for everyone to leave. When the last jock dragged out, I went in. "You said you would lighten up," I reminded as I closed the door to the coach's office. I walked up to him and leaned against his desk.

"It's football. I'm supposed to be tough on them." He complained about his team and all the games they lost

"You're not happy about losing a few games, but you have the rest of the season."

Again, he promised me that he wouldn't be so tough on his players.

I smiled, knowing there was little chance of Coach Tanaka changing. I bent down to kiss him. I rested my hands on his chubby cheeks when I felt his tongue slide past my lips.

Our make out session ended when the door opened.

"Coach, wh-"

We quickly separated, but not quick enough.

Matt and Mike stood in the entrance of Ken's office with raised eyebrows.

Like everyone else, I didn't know what to say. I decided to leave. I dropped my head down as I passed between the two football players. I hurried to get my math and history book out of my locker. When I saw Matt and Mike in the hall, I closed my locker and tried to get away.

Matt caught me. "What happened back there? What did he make you do?"

"He didn't make me do anything," I claimed. "I just want to leave."

He stopped me before I could walk off. "You were kissing a grown man. You need to explain."

I shrugged as I tried to think of a way to describe what Ken and I had. I didn't know what we were doing, but I liked it. I liked Ken.

"He's dating Ms. Pillsbury." Mike looked at me concerned. "Mercedes, he's preying on you," Mike explained.

I shook my head. "Your wrong."

Out of all the bullies and neglectful teachers, Ken made me feel special. He had his flaws: he was loud, he had only one pair of long pants, he wore a fanny pack, and he had an online dating profile from when he lived in Oregon. Over all of it, he was kind-hearted.

"You could end up like Quinn."

"Ken and I aren't like Quinn and Finn," I argued with Matt. "We aren't have unprotected sex."

"But you're having sex?"

"No."

Why did our longest conversation have to be about my relationship. I never really talked to Mike, and I didn't like to talk with Matt. I just wanted it to be over.

Matt read my defensive body language. "You don't care, do you? You're not even listening to what we're saying." He bumped his friend's shoulder. "Let's go."

"You're making a mistake," Mike insisted before walking off.

Months of craziness passed, but Ken and I stayed the same. If one of us had a problem, the other lent an ear and a shoulder to lean on.

When I heard students gossiping about Mr. Schue and Ms. Pillsbury, I knew Ken would have been feeling some way. I let myself into his house with the extra key and found him in bed. I patiently listened to him vent.

He was clearly upset. He was sharing it all with me. He felt alone and that no one cared about him, but that wasn't true.

I climbed up the bed then straddled Ken's lap. "I'm here." I place my arms loosely around his neck and kissed him passionately. After awhile of kissing I nervously moved his hands to my breasts.

He gave them a squeeze then roamed my body.

I didn't know what I was doing, but I wanted him to feel better. When you love someone, you'd do anything to make them happy, right?

Our kissing quickly advanced to more. We were both insecure about our bodies, so we only undressed our bottom half.

The thought of sex was exciting enough to make Ken hard. His box of condoms had been untouched until then. He sat on the bed and we returned to our original position. His hands pulled me closer, so his tongue could probe deeper into my mouth.

I could feel his sex against mine. There was only a layer of latex between us. We didn't need to speak to know what was about to happen.

He reached between us and guided his cock to my opening.

I slowly lowered myself down. I dropped my head on his shoulder to hide the pain as he began to move me by my hips. Eventually, the pain turned into pleasure and I was able to move at my own tempo. I moaned out and pulled Ken back into a kiss. I felt the tension building inside of me, but I didn't "climax."

Ken moved out of the kiss then rested his forehead against mine. He closed his eyes as he repeatedly slammed me down on his lap. Suddenly, he stopped and hugged me close.

I was confused at first, but then I realized he had came. I climbed off of him when he let me go. Tired, I snuggled into his pillow.

He looked down, noticing a little blood on the outside of the condom. He realized that I was a virgin before him.

I woke and reached out for Ken, but he was gone. "Ken," I called as I climbed out of bed to find him.

Ken sat alone in the kitchen. He frowned, looking at his hands.

"What's wrong?"

He pointed at the chair across from him. "Mercedes, sit down."

No one ever has good news when they tell you to sit.

I leaned against the counter. "I'm fine standing."

He took a deep breath in and slowly pushed it out. "I'm quitting my job. I've already written the resignation letter," he announced. "I said that I was resigning for health reasons, but I can't continue to coach at McKinley."

"Why?"

"You and me," he said. "We never should have happened. It was a mistake."

I was shocked. "The past few months couldn't have been a mistake."

"They were, but I take all the blame. Whenever Emma's OCD was too much to handle or when I felt like she gave more attention to Will, I came to you."

"If those are a problem, then why did you want to marry her?" I didn't get an answer. My young heart was breaking. I felt so stupid when I realized, "You used me."

Ken quickly denied. He never planned for our relationship to become what it was. He promised me that he had no intentions for what happened that night. He said he was sorry. "You're a great girl. One day, you'll find someone that's your age and will give you everything you want."

I couldn't accept it. "I always wondered why you chose to mentor me. I was the only Glee member that would tell you about Mr. Schue." I struggled to hold in my tears. "You didn't care about me and my problems, did you?"

"I cared a lot about you," he promised as he stood. "Don't cry."

I watched him stretch his arms out to hug me before I blacked out. I was engulfed by darkness. It was like my brain had turned off for a few minutes.

When I emerged, the first thing I saw was the large red stains on my shirt. I was curled in the corner, covered with tears, sweat, and blood. I leaned forward then quickly muffled my scream with my hand.

Ken lied on the floor, motionless. He was a bloody mess. He was dead... because of me.

I was horrified. I didn't know why I did it, but I did. I finally was able to stand and get to my cell phone. I couldn't stop shaking as I called for help.

I was pacing back and forth outside the house when I saw the truck pull up.

"Where is is he?" Matt asked, hopping out of his truck.

I held out my hands to stop Matt and Mike from rushing into the house. "I-I, um." I was unable to form words.

When I called them, I wasn't sure if they could help me with Ken. I guess I wanted them there to talk me down. I don't want to do anymore harm.

Mike pinched at the end of my shirt. "Is that blood?"

Matt pushed past me. He stormed through the house, but froze when he discovered the body. "Mercedes!" he yelled, causing Mike and I to rush in. "What did you do?"

Mike studied the scene from a distance. He saw the bloody knife next to Ken's body. "You stabbed him to death."

I nodded.

"How many times did you stab him?" Mike asked.

"Why does it matter? I killed him."

"You could say it was self defense," Mike explained. "You wouldn't have to do a lot of time in jail."

Hearing that word almost brought me to my knees. "I can't go to jail!" I cried. I just wanted someone to help me. I felt like I was suffocating.

"You're not going." Matt rested his hands on my shoulders and gave them a squeeze before letting go. "Go find some clean sheets. Mike, help me find the garbage bags."

With everything that Matt listed, we hurried to wrap the body and put it on the back of the truck. We knew that it would take hours to clean the mess in the kitchen, so there was no point in wasting a second.

I was on my hands and knees, trying my best to get the blood off the tiles. "What do we do now... I mean after this?"

Matt stopped mopping. "We pretend like tonight never happened," he answered. He looked between me and Mike, checking that we both understood him. "We go to school tomorrow. Just don't bring this up."

And we never did.

By the end of the year, Couch Sylvester had spread a rumor about Ken having a mental breakdown, so no one was looking for him to return to McKinley. Over the summer, Matt transfused out of state, and Mike started dating Tina. I buried myself in music and church volunteering to desecrate me from the hundred pound secret I had to carry.