Chapter Eighteen

Need to talk ASAP

Ruth stares at her phone with concern. If it was urgent, Nelson would have just called her, wouldn't he? Why has he texted her like this?

But she does not question it, choosing instead to put on a Disney movie for Kate and taking her phone into the kitchen with her. She taps on Nelson's name and makes the call.

He answers on the first ring. "Oh thank god," he says in relief.

Ruth notices that his voice sounds a bit odd, but she tries to keep calm. "What's wrong?" she asks.

Nelson growls slightly. Clearly he's upset about something. "I didn't charge my bloody phone when I was at yours last night. So I didn't know anyone was trying to call me. And I got to the station and Clough said Laura's been looking for me."

"What!?"

He continues, "So I went right home and my Laura's there waiting for me, all upset, wondering where I've been, why I didn't come home last night."

Ruth's heart sinks in her chest. All that lovely joy she's been feeling all day has now evaporated. The bubble of happy romance has been well and truly popped. "Oh dear."

"It was good, for a minute, for us to talk. She's been upset about the news since Michelle and I told the girls. Rebecca wanted to kill me, but Laura just cried a lot. And she took time off work to come see me and to ask what happened."

"And what did you tell her?" Ruth asked, curious as to what Nelson's version of events was to his eldest daughter.

"I told her the truth. That Michelle and I weren't right for each other anymore, that Michelle left because she wanted more than what I could give her here, that we love each other but our marriage is over and we're both going to move on."

"No mention of me and Kate?" Ruth nearly bites her own tongue, internally cursing herself for daring to say such a thing. What Nelson told his children was up to him. Ruth obviously does not want to have her own child be made to feel like some dirty secret, but Ruth knows that the reality is much more complicated. And pushing is the worst thing she could do.

Nelson responds, "I wasn't going to mention you and Katie. Not till I talked to you first. I wanted us to figure that part out together."

"That's up to you, Nelson," Ruth says softly, trying to walk back what she's said.

"Well it ended up being up to me, yeah," he grumbles.

She frowns, eyes glancing to the doorway as the Genie from Aladdin starts to sing at Kate. "How do you mean?"

"Laura smelled my hair. And she knew I didn't smell like strawberries because I spent the night by myself."

"Oh no," Ruth laments. A very small part of Ruth wants to gloat and say that she told him this might happen, but she'd never joke about something this serious.

"I tried to explain. I…I said we've got a history. That we had an affair years ago, and it wasn't till Michelle left that we started up again."

"I suppose that's true," Ruth reasons.

"It is true. We spent two fantastic nights together, Ruth, but there's a lot more to it than that, I know. And I didn't want to explain that to Laura. And I didn't want to drag Katie into it yet. I know I've got to tell Laura and Rebecca, but I want to tell them together. Christ, I don't think I could do it more than once."

Ruth does not want to contemplate the future when it comes to this. If Nelson's older daughters know about Kate, how will they treat her? Will they welcome their little sister into their lives? Will the resent her presence and treat her cruelly? She cannot imagine that Laura or Rebecca would ever be wicked stepsisters—half-sister, actually—but hurt and betrayal can cause people to act all sorts of ways they wouldn't otherwise.

The one and only thing that matters to Ruth is that Kate is protected from all of this. For all she knows, Nelson is her dad and now he comes to visit more often and it's all great fun. And she's four years old, that's how she should feel! The world is a complicated and sometimes very dark place. Ruth just wants to let Kate live in simple sunshine for as long as she can.

"So what are you going to do?" she asks.

Nelson pauses on the line. "That's part of why I needed to talk to you. I was wondering if you and Katie could come over on Sunday. Laura is going to have Rebecca come at the weekend so the three of us can all try to deal with this together and so the girls can start going through their things, since I'm selling the house as soon as I can. I want to tell them on Saturday, about Katie. And then I want them to meet her. And you."

Ruth feels very much like she wants to throw up. "Are you sure that's a good idea?" Her voice is shaking, but there's nothing for it.

"I don't want to hide you. Either of you. And I've let this go on too long already. I've got three daughters and they should all know each other," Nelson says with much more confidence than he feels.

"I'll be there for Kate, but I don't like the idea of having Laura and Rebecca meet me like this…"

His girls have met Ruth before, but never in this context, obviously, so Nelson knows what Ruth means. But he hates hearing her insecure and afraid like this. "I don't think I can do this without you, Ruth," he tells her earnestly.

"You don't need me for it…" she protests weakly.

"Yes, I do," he insists. "I need you for most things. I told you last night, Ruth, I don't ever want to let you go again. You're important to me, and my children should know that."

"But what if they hate me and blame me for everything and I ruin everything?"

He can almost see Ruth's soft brown eyes grow big with fear as she says that. Nelson wishes more than anything that they were back in her bed, wrapped up in each other and kept cozy and protected from the wide, dark world outside. If they were, he could hold her tight and kiss her hair and whisper the truth of his heart that he'd not been able to confess aloud yet. Still could not confess aloud. "You won't ruin anything, Ruth. What's done is done. And my girls will come 'round. They'll see how happy you make me. They'll be alright."

"You can't know that," she counters. "And if they do hate you for it, I can't be put in the middle of that. They're your daughters, and they're what's important."

"Katie's my daughter, too. And there's only about a handful of people who know that! Ruth, it kills me that I can't be her dad all day every day like I got to with Laura and Rebecca. All three of them are mine. And you're Kate's mum, and I…" He trails off, knowing he can't finish that sentence. Not now. Not like this when he's driving through Lynn and Ruth is off on the saltmarsh.

Ruth lets the tension settle between them in silence for a moment before she gives a small sigh. "What time on Sunday?"

"Two o'clock?"

"Do you want me to bring anything?"

Nelson smiles. He can tell how awkward and uncomfortable she feels about all this, and her willingness to put up with it and to carry through for his sake almost makes him love her more. "No, just yourself," he replies softly.

"Okay."

"I probably won't be able to call for the next few days with Laura here. I'm about to pull up to the house now, actually. I'm in the car now," he tells her. He knows he has to hang up the phone and go inside now and face his daughter's wrath once again. But Nelson does not want to leave the safe comfort of talking to Ruth. No matter what they discuss—Kate, bones, criminal cases, Cathbad, their personal dramas—Nelson always feels a strange calm when talking to Ruth. She annoys him beyond belief sometimes with her liberal feminist educated pretention, but there's a kindness and an intelligence and a vulnerability to her that speaks to a fearlessness that he finds more reassuring than he can express. She is a woman who cares very little for the opinion of others when it comes to her appearance, who believes in the world of science, who cares deeply for the wellbeing of those she loves, who can carry on even when she's deathly afraid. And for all of that, Nelson has found, over the last five years, that he cannot exist happily—perhaps not exist at all—without her in his life.

"You can text me, if you want," she offers kindly.

"I will, thanks."

"Okay, well, I'll see you Sunday, then," Ruth says slightly awkwardly.

"Yes," he confirms. "And Ruth?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks."

"For what?" He can almost hear the dubious frown in her voice.

"For calling when I needed you to. For just…for all of it."

There's half a moment of silence. "Bye, Nelson."

"Bye, Ruth."