Esme Cullen
My next session was my aunt Esme. She was on time and came to my cottage wearing a light purple dress and a matching shoes and purse.
"Hi Aunt Esme, you look pretty today."
"Thank you, hon. I was just showing a gorgeous house in Sappho that I restored. It was a great plantation style from the 1800's. The couple placed an offer."
"That is amazing," I said, leading the way to the therapy room. "Sit anywhere you like."
She sat on the couch, crossing her legs. I got into my chair and grabbed my notebook.
"So where do you want to start?"
"Well, there is no really good place."
"Okay. Carlisle is worried about you because you tried to commit suicide, and he had to bite you as the only way to save you. Do you want to tell me about that?"
"Does Carlisle think I am suicidal now?"
"Are you?"
"No. I am not. I have my children and my family. I love living for them."
"Do you ever consider suicide?"
"I did once, three months ago."
"Tell me what happened."
"Oh, it was a misunderstanding. In September of last year, Edward wanted to leave Bella for her safety, so we did. It was so hard breaking off all contact with her, and it felt like I lost a child. I felt really depressed, but I did not get suicidal. Carlisle had me, and reminded me that the alternative was her becoming one of us, so this was better for Bella, so I survived. But, then six months later in March, Alice told us she saw a vision of Bella committing suicide, and she was going to Forks to check. I cried and fed, and Carlisle did not let me out of his sight, but still did not get suicidal. Then, Rosalie told Edward, and Edward went to the Voluturi to commit suicide. Alice called us and told us that Bella was alive, but Edward was not picking up his phone, so they were taking Bella to the Volturi. It was possible that they would all be killed. That is when I was ready to die. I begged Carlisle to let us go help, but Carlisle said if we went we would just complicate things. That is when Carlisle and I talked about Bella and Edward and we realized that if we lose one, we will lose the other, so we needed to make Bella immortal. It was wrong and selfish, but I could not stand losing another child. Then they all came back, safe and sound, and Bella and Edward were together. Finally, my family was whole and I could breathe again."
"That is a lot to go through. I am so sorry that happened to you."
Esme nodded, and I could tell that if she were human she would be crying.
"Alright, we cannot control Edward and Bella outside of trying to get them to go to therapy, which you and Carlisle are doing, but we can control your reactions, so their suicidal ideation does not trigger you and bring up painful memories. How does that sound?"
"Am I being a bad mother? Like saying I do not care?"
"Oh no, of course not. You are creating a boundary. You are saying I am going to let this affect me to this point, and then I am going to cut it off, so it does not get me sick. I have to do it as a therapist, so clients do not ruin my life. Creating a boundary does not make you a bad person, it will make you a better mom."
"Okay. I'll try it. What do I do?"
"You sit down with Edward and Bella, and tell them that you love them, and you cannot lose them, and they can't threaten to run off and kill themselves because it will make you crazy."
"Okay."
"Now, this will not magically make Edward and Bella magically un-suicidal, so what do you want them to do when they feel this way?"
"Oh," she thought a minute, "Well obviously, talk to you, and tell me and Carlisle anything."
"Okay, good, that's great," I said. "Now, if Edward says, hey I want to die, and I need to talk to Sisi, you can't get mad."
"No, of course not. I am not mad at all. I am just terrified that I am going to lose them, and be all alone again."
"Well, tell them that too. Now, how can Carlisle help you?"
"Do what he has been doing. Just be there and help me feel better. He was so helpful when I thought we were going to lose Edward. He was my rock."
"Tell him that," I said. "When someone is trying to support someone, especially if it's something like anxiety and depression, they don't really know what they are doing. Feedback is crucial. Telling him what helped, even if it's something little, will help him feel confident that he can take care of you, which is what he really needs to hear as a patriarch."
"Okay, I will."
"Now what are some ways that you can make yourself feel better if Edward or Bella get in a bad place?"
"You mean like paint, read, restore houses?"
"Yes. Exactly these are called coping skills. So if Edward or Bella or anything really triggers you to the point of wanting to harm yourself, you say to Carlisle, I can't deal with this right now, give me a half hour and let me work on something, then we can talk."
"I can do that?"
"You can't help Edward or Bella if it sends you off the deep end too. When it comes to health, you have to put yourself first, then you help everyone else."
"And that is not being a bad mother?"
"No, talk to Edward and Bella about this. I am sure they will tell you that they are fine with it. You are not leaving them alone, they have the whole family behind them. You are just making sure you are not traumatized by what they go through. They will understand."
"Okay. I will tell them."