Here we see, it's his natural habitat of the Chevy Impala, a wild moose appeared.
The moose stands at somewhere taller than 6 feet. His hair is a fluffy mess atop his head.
He is resting now.
But in the car is one of the many enemies of the moose: the squirrel.
The squirrel sees the moose is sleeping. It plans an attack.
He lifted up a spoon they'd used for a meal earlier. He dropped the spoon into the moose's mouth.
And now we wait.
Dean had been singing with the radio. I hummed under my breath.
Sam shot up in his chair. He gagged on the spoon in his mouth. He spat it out. It fell to the ground with a clunk.
"He did it." I immediately said.
Sam turned to glare at Dean. Dean just laughed as he drummed on the wheel. Sam reached up, turning down the music. "Ha ha, very funny."
"Heh heh heh." Dean chuckled. "Sorry, not a lot of scenery here in East Texas, kinda gotta make your own."
"Shoulda warned me, I would've gotten some popcorn." I chuckled.
"Man we're not kids anymore, Dean. We're not going to start that crap up again." Sam scolded him.
"Start what up?" Dean asked, innocently.
"There's a thing to start up?" I asked.
"That prank stuff. It's stupid, and it always escalates." Sam clarified.
"Oooooh." I dragged on in excitement.
"What's the matter, Sammy, scared you're going to get a little Nair in your shampoo again huh?" Dean taunted. I laughed at the visual.
Sam gave his brother the Bitchface. "All right, just remember you started it."
"Ah ha, bring it on, baldy." Dean mocked.
"You two will be dead by sunrise." I waved my hand.
"You think?" Dean taunted.
"I can make you regret ever being born." I warned.
Dean laughed- arrogantly. He would see the error of his ways soon enough.
"Where are we anyway." Sam asked, pretending he wasn't planning a takedown.
"A few hours outside of Richardson." Dean reported. Back to work, I guess. "Gimme the low down again?"
Sam lifted his phone, reading out the case again. "All right, about a month or two ago this group of kids goes poking around in this local haunted house."
"Haunted by what?" Dean asked.
"Apparently, a misogynistic spirit." Sam replied. "Legend goes, it takes girls and strings them up in the rafters."
"Dibs on first shot." I called.
"It don't work like that." Dean countered.
"You get second."
"Okay.
Sam cursed his existence. "Anyway this group of kids see this dead girl hanging in the cellar."
"Was it one of the girls? I bet it was one of them- one that went missing as they searched the house only to be found dangling from the rafters." I mused.
"How are we related to you?" Dean snarked.
I beamed.
"Surprisingly, Raven, no she was not." Sam countered. "By the time the cops got there the body was gone. So cops are saying the kids were just yanking chains."
"Maybe the cops are right?" Dean guessed.
"Maybe, but I read a couple of the kids first hand accounts." Sam explained. "They seemed pretty sincere."
"Where did you read these accounts?" Dean questioned.
Sam hesitated to answer. "Well, I knew we were going to be passing through Texas. So last night, I surfed some local paranormal websites. And I found one."
"And what's it called." Dean pressed.
"Tell us the name, Sam." I teased.
"Hell hounds ." Sam admitted, not looking at either of us.
Dean and I started laughing. Though for different reasons. Dean was making fun of the site, of the idea behind the site itself. Myself, laughing at those bastards. From the minds that brought you Ghostfacers, the longest living characters on the show...I can't wait to meet them just to fuck with their days.
"Let me guess, streaming live out of Mom's basement." Dean joked.
Sam snickered too- happy he wasn't being made fun of, probably. "Yeah, probably."
"Yeah. Most of those websites wouldn't know a ghost if it bit 'em in the persqueeter." Dean joked.
Sam sat up in his seat. "Look. We let Dad take off. Which was a mistake, by the way."
No. It was the smartest choice for John staying alive. Neither of you want me killing your dad. It would get ugly. Fast.
"And now we don't know where the hell he is and in the meantime we gotta find ourselves something to hunt." Sam ranted. "There's no harm in checking this out."
Dean gave in. "All right. So where do we find these kids?"
"Same place you always find kids in a town like this."
==DG==
After some questioning of the (albeit confused) witnesses, they showed us the way to the house. The man who showed them the location- Craig- admitted to being told by his cousin. He warned us against going to the house, which only made us want to go more.
However on arriving we figured out a huge issue.
The house already looked haunted, on sight alone.
"I can't say I blame the kid." Sam mused.
"Yeah, so much for curb appeal." Dean mumbled.
"The Addams would fit in, though." I suggested.
We walked closer to the house. Dean's EMF started going off. He pulled it out.
"You got something?" Sam asked.
Dean shook his head. "Ye-ah. The EMFs no good."
"What? Why?" I asked.
Dean motioned towards power lines nearby. "I think that things still got a little juice in it, it's screwing with all the readings."
"Yeah that'd do it." Sam nodded.
"Shame." I shook my head. "Well time to go into the murder house."
"Yeah...hold on." Dean held up his hands.
I tilted my head. "What's up?"
Sam and Dean exchanged a look. Turning back to me, I had the sudden implication that whatever they said would make me want to punch them.
"Guys." I warned.
"Raven, hear us out." Sam requested. He held up his hands too, attempting to placate me. "Whatever this thing is, it kills women."
I will not punch Sam Winchester
I will not punch Sam Winchester
"If I go in, we prove if it's real or not without EMF."
"Yeah and you could be next." Dean stated. "We're not taking that chance. You'll stay out here."
I can probably punch Dean Winchester
I can probably punch Dean Winchester
"Raven, please?" Sam tried.
So I stopped myself from raising a fist. Thinking it over, I considered if their request even had merit. Yeah, we could go in. I'd meet the Ghostfacers. A girl who hunts ghosts? I'd make Harry shit his pants.
It came to me in sharp clarity what else that would mean. Yeah I knew the ghost was real, that it existed as the Tulpa. The Winchesters didn't know for sure, and neither did the Ghostfacers. They didn't know that whatever was said about the Tulpa became true. Especially that it killed women my age.
He'd shit his pants if Mordechai appeared between us to kill me.
"Alright." I gave in. As much as the misogynistic ghost deserved to die, it couldn't be done until we told the Ghostfacers how to manipulate the Tulpa to our desires.
The Winchesters smiled, relieved I didn't make a big thing out of it.
"But I still get first shot." I warned them.
Dean snorted. "Yeah." He elbowed Sam. "Come on, let's go."
Sam nodded. With that, they walked inside.
Now I was left alone with the Impala.
My grin stretched out like a cat's.
Time to prank the bastards.
==DG==
The boys came back a few minutes later. Both completely unaware of how their lives were forever changed.
I was perched on the hood of the Impala. In my hands was my notebook, idly mapping out equations as if I'd been doing this the entire time. "Anything?"
Dean made a face.
Sam also made a face. Less disgusted, but a face. "No. Just a lot of symbols we couldn't place."
"You sure? You guys looked like you saw something." I pointed out.
"There were two 'ghost hunters'." Dean quoted, grimacing. "Fricking amateurs."
"You're joking. Paranormal investigators, seriously?" I asked Sam.
Sam grimaced. "Yeah. Called themselves the Ghostfacers."
I laughed.
"Shut up." Dean snarked. "Let's go. Research to do."
I clapped my hands, sliding off the hood. "Let's go then!"
My seat was easy to access. The boys went to theirs, only to find it pulled all the way back. Sam hardly noticed- so tall was he. Dean, on the other hand, noticed.
He looked back at me in the mirror. Clearly unamused. I smiled innocently. He snickered. "This what you call a prank?"
My smile stayed shut. Sam gave me a side smirk.
Dean fixed the seat. He turned the car on- immediately being met with the soothing blast of 2006 era pop music. The vents were blasting warm air onto their faces- which in the June heat wasn't great. The wipers turned on, along with all the interior lights.
"WHAT?!" Dean turned off the music. "What the-" He glared at me in the mirror.
I leaned back, crossing my arms behind my back. "What's the hold up? We need to get to the library."
Sam was full on snickering now, hiding it by trying to turn from Dean's sight. Dean looked ready to blow a fuse. He set about fixing everything before daring to move the car an inch.
Boys: 0
Raven: 1
==DG==
After an uneventful trip to the library, we found nada. No record of any Mordecai ever having lived in this town at the time of the legend. Worse yet, another girl had died during the dawn. So really not a good day for us.
We went to the house that night. I was again left outside, with strict instructions not to touch the car on penalty of walking back to our motel. So really, I had set myself a high bar on the next prank. The boys made their way towards the house.
When I spotted them.
Those guys.
The bastards.
I walked towards them- being mindful not to be spotted by the police. The Winchesters had just noticed them too. Dean spotted me before he made a call to get them caught. A quick jerk of my thumb had him seeing my plan. He nodded, taking Sam with him further towards the house.
The Ghostfacers were all tricked out in 'ghost hunting' gear, and a full body camera. Honestly, it was so ridiculous but I could (vaguely) respect the science behind it. I snuck up behind them, making a point to make a noise just close enough for them to hear but not the policemen up the road.
To my delight, Harry whirled around in a panic. Ed reached up to clap his hand over Harry's mouth. They both turned to see me, 'flinching' back.
"Shhh!" I hushed. "I don't want to get caught!"
Harry and Ed quickly got themselves to quiet down. Then their eyes caught up with their brains.
"You're a chick?" Ed noted.
I gave him a scolding glare. "Yeah. So what?"
"So what are you doing here? This place isn't safe." Ed scolded, as threatening as a chipmunk.
It took everything I had not to give him a deadpan stare. "It's a long story...I'll be leaving soon. I just...but wait you two are out here...oh you must be so brave, and noble." I praised, putting on a tone that I hoped sounded sincere.
Ed had finally lowered his hand from Harry's mouth. The other Ghostfacer wasted no time in using it. "What? You think that about us?
Ed elbowed him. "Cause we totally are."
"We are?" Harry questioned. Ed gave him a look. "Oh, yeah. Totally are. Yep. Brave."
"Did you make all those...things?" I motioned to their gear.
"Yeah." Harry admitted, smiling all bashful.
"You guys must be...so smart."
"Uh-huh. We're the best in the biz." Ed lied.
"What biz?" I asked, innocently.
"Ghosthunting." Harry answered proudly.
My jaw dropped. "You're going after that ghost?" I pretended to sound afraid. "I was right. You are brave." And stupid.
"We're the Ghostfacers." Harry told me, full of glee and pride. "I'm Harry, he's my partner Ed. And...uh...we hunt ghosts. For our website. Hell hounds . It's- ah- it's pretty popular. We're famous, kinda."
I nodded, pretending to be at all interested. Couldn't the boys get out of the house yet?
"Harry. We should really be getting back to that?" Ed suggested.
"But we can't leave her out here." Harry argued. "It's dark. And that ghost goes after...you know."
"Girls like me?" I replied, putting on a tone of dismay. "Oh no- oh no I'm so close- it's going to kill me!"
"No it's not. Relax." Ed scoffed. "We've got this whole thing handled."
"As long as we don't run into those guys again." Harry snorted.
I can't wait for them to screw you over.
Also I love your work never change.
It gives me something great to mock.
"Would John Edward stop?" Ed told Harry. "Let's find our centre and get some work done. Ok? All right?"
Harry glanced at me, nervous. "Um...eh...you'll be alright, yeah?"
I nodded, thinning my lips to keep from laughing at them.
"Okay." He turned to Ed. He lifted up one of the pieces of equipment. "Let's do this."
Ed nodded. He lifted up his matching weapon. The two marched towards the house. Once they were out of earshot, I finally let out the giggles.
They're just...so stupid.
The fucking Ghostfacers.
So Chuck-damned stupid.
Bless you Chuck, for writing them into this universe.
Bless you Author, for letting me meet them.
Holy shit they totally thought I was a damsel in defense.
I'm so fucking happy.
I snuck behind them- creeping towards the house. Not long after the Ghostfacers got there, the door for the entrance swung open.
All three of us jumped back. Sam and Dean ran out. The boys knocked down the police tape, barely dodging the Ghostfacers.
"Get that damn thing outta my face-" Dean warned Ed.
Behind them, lurking in the doorway, was Mordechai. He was big and looming. He was glaring right at me. A fact not unnoticed by the boys.
"Raven, go!" Sam called out.
My feet were already turning away to run.
"Go go go!" Sam started running with me.
"Hold on, she's with you?!" Harry called out as Dean started running.
"Goodbye, Ghostfacers!" I waved, running towards the Impala. The Ghostfacers turned back to the doors to see Mordechai still glaring at them.
Once we got far enough away, the police made it to the Ghostfacers. I waited for my full blown laughs until I was in the backseat.
"Holy-" I laughed. "I mean, I heard what you said- I just- holy crap they're so dumb."
"I can't believe you did that." Sam noted. "Talked to them. Willingly."
"It was the best five minutes of my life." I laughed. "They- they thought they were protecting me from the big bad ghost!" I couldn't help it, I laughed so hard I fell over.
Even Dean laughed. He drove the car away from the house. It let out the tension in his shoulders. "You could've knocked them both right out."
"Yeah but this was better. This was way better." I laughed.
Now Sam was laughing along.
Though the closer we got to our motel, the more we sobered up. The 'ghost' was leaving more questions than answers for the Winchesters liking. Me though? I was just running out of breath from laughing.
==DG==
The investigation was leading nowhere. Well nowhere in the eyes of the boys. I led them along by pointing out the symbol to Dean. It brought us back to the original starter of this myth- Craig. He admitted to the whole thing being a hoax, which did nothing to explain how two girls were dead or the sightings of Mordechai.
Of course more pranks happened in the interim. Sam found his phone stuck in Spanish mode. I was proud of that. My Bag had a special bio lock, so I know the boys couldn't get to anything. However this said nothing of my duffle bag in the trunk, from which Sam had scribbled on a book and Dean put itching powder in my underwear.
Jokes on him- I declined wearing mine for the explicit purpose of ruining his prank.
And for watching Sam squirm. For Dean had pranked him with this too.
Hehehe...Jared Padalecki saying 'midget strippers gave me herpes'.
Thankfully by that time, we'd discovered what the thing was. It was a figure called a 'Tulpa'. Craig and his cousin had painted sigils from their religious textbooks, which included a Tibetan spirit sigil. If you painted the symbol, then pictured a figure in your mind, then the spirit would become manifest. If ten thousand people were pouring their belief into Mordechai the Tulpa, then he would form. His MO kept changing and shifting, because his legend kept shifting and changing.
Which leads us to the problem...how to kill it.
Tulpas are notoriously hard to clean. They're not normal ghosts- they were resistant to rock salt and iron. However they took off with the beliefs they are continuously formed from.
And if that myth changed to include a way to kill him...well who would abuse that privilege?
==DG==
We found where the bastards sleep.
There was a trailer park not too far away from town. It wasn't far from the Hell House itself.
Their trailer was pointed out to us. Dean knocked hard on their door.
There was a loud squeal from inside. I chuckled. "Who is it!" Harry shouted, terrified. There was a pause.
"Come on out here guys, we hear you in there." Dean told them.
"It's them!" Ed realized. The door opened. Both Ghosthunters stuck their heads out. We could still see inside their trailer home, though.
"Ah, would you look at that! Action figures in their original packaging, what a shock." Dean commented.
The Ghosthunters sneered my way. I waggled my fingers at them.
"Guys, we need to talk." Sam spoke up.
"Yeah, um, sorry guys. We're ahhh, a little bit busy right now." Ed lied.
"This won't take long, Misters Ghosterfacers." I assured them. "That's what you call yourselves, yeah?"
"Hey. We're the Ghostfacers." Harry corrected, offended I had gotten it wrong.
"Who even are you?" Ed snarked at me.
"Raven." I winked. "Their sister."
Ed threw his hands in the air. Harry made a face like I'd told him ghosts were real but that Casper wasn't.
"We need you to shut down your website." Dean told them.
Ed just laughed, not believing it. "Well these guys got us busted last night, spent the night in a holding cell-"
"I had to pee in that cell urinal." Harry told us. "In front of people." He opened his mouth to say more, then he seemed to remember I was standing there. Me. A female woman. He lowered his voice, giving the boys a knowing stare. He was trying so hard to pretend I wasn't there. "And I get stage fright."
"Why should we trust you guys?" Ed questioned. He pointed a finger at me. "You lied about who you were!"
"You never asked." I pointed out to them. "Isn't that a thing ghost hunters do? Ask for names?"
"Well we were distracted. On a hunt." Harry excused. Meaning, there was a pretty girl and they couldn't think.
"Look guys." Sam interjected as the nice one. "We all know what we saw last night, what's in that house. But now thanks to your website there are thousands of people hearing about Mordechai."
"That's right which means people are gunna keep showing up at the Hell House, running into him in person, somebody could get hurt." Dean explained.
"Yeah, yeah..." Ed dismissed.
"Ed maybe he's got a point, maybe..." Harry tried to convince him.
"Nope." Ed stated.
"No." Harry concedes.
"We have an obligation to our fans, to the truth." Ed stated to us.
"Well I have an obligation to kick both your little asses right now." Dean warned.
"Alright then." I clapped my hand on Dean's shoulder. "Guess that makes sense. It sucks that you won't work with us… a shame cause we were gonna work with you, tell you something about Mordechai- oh drat I'm such a blabbermouth-"
"Whoa.. whoa..." Ed and Harry walked towards me, completely at attention.
Dean gave me a small look before nodding his head. "Yeah, you're right."
Sam sighed in faux disappointment. "There's always a next time."
The three of us turned on our feet, moving to the car. Ed and Harry walked out from the trailer, towards us.
"What you say about...?" Ed started.
"Hang on a second here." Harry asked.
"Wait...wait."
"What thing about Mordechai you guys?"
"See what you did?" Sam asked me.
"Don't tell 'em Raven." Dean warned.
"But if they agree to shit down the site-"
"They're not going to do it, you said so yourself." Dean told me.
"No wait. Wait. Don't listen to him ok?" Ed argued. I tilted my head. "We'll do it. We'll do it." He lied- which was kinda the point here.
"It's a secret, Raven." Dean reminded
I shook my head at the Winchester's. "Look, it is a really big deal alright? And it wasn't easy to get people to admit. So only if we have your word that you'll shut everything down."
Ed nodded his head. Harry did too. "Totally."
"Okay."
Sam pulled out the paperwork from his bag. He handed it over to the Ghostfacers.
"It's a death certificate. From the '30s. We got it at the library." I lied. We made them at Kinko's. "Now according to the coroner, the actual cause of death was a self-inflicted gun shot wound."
"That's right he didn't hang or cut himself." Dean told them.
"He shot himself?" Ed read off.
"Yep. With a .45 pistol." Sam stated, clearly so they wouldn't get the weapon wrong. "To this day they say he's terrified of them."
"Matter of fact they say if you shoot him with a .45, loaded with these special wrought-iron rounds it'd kill the son of a bitch." Dean revealed.
"So we good?" I asked them.
Ed and Harry nodded. They were also trying hard not to giggle. To help themselves, they rushed off towards their trailer.
"So...how long you think it'll take?" I prompted.
Dean snorted. "You kidding? They'll upload it before we even get to the car."
==DG==
Lucky for everyone, the Ghostfacers did indeed load the new story.
By nightfall, the Tulsa had changed to have a weakness.
By sunrise, a Winchester and Ghostfacers handed together to stop the beast (mostly Winchesters though, cause come on)
And I got the killing shot.
Ha!
==DG==
We were back at the trailer park. The Ghostfacers walked by, carrying grocery bags.
"I was thinking that Mordechai has a really super high attack bonus." Harry mentioned to Ed.
"Man I got the munchies right now." Ed mumbled. He paused as he spotted us. "Gentlemen. Lady."
"Hey guys." Sam greeted.
"Ghostfacers." I tipped a fake hat.
Harry glanced to Ed. "Should we tell em."
Ed shrugged. "Hey, might as well, you know, they're going to read about it in the trades."
Harry preened. "So this morning we got a phone call from a very important hollywood producer."
"Oh yeah, wrong number?" Dean snarked.
"No, smart-ass. He read all about the Hell House on our website and wants to option the motion picture rights." Ed argued. "Maybe even have us write it." Ed moves his load of groceries into the trunk of a car.
"And create the RPG." Harry stated, putting his own groceries into the trunk.
"The what?" Dean asked.
"Role playing game." I answered the same time as Ed.
Dean nodded. "Right."
"It's a whole thing. Fun." I explained.
"Uh...yeah. Just...a little lingo for you." Ed glanced at me in confusion before carrying on. "Excuse us, we're off to la-la land."
"Well congratulations guys. That sounds really great." Sam complimented.
"Yeah. That's awesome, best of luck to you." Dean washed his hands of them.
Meanwhile I was reminding myself to not geek out.
"Oh yeah, luck. That has nothing to do with it." Ed scoffed, arrogant as his faux-fame was making him. "It's about talent. Sheer unabashed talent."
The boys all nodded to each other. I gave a tight smile that was inching towards giddy.
"Later." Ed climbed into his car. Harry into the other side. I was shaking in my spot on the picnic table. "See ya round-" He sped the car away.
Once they were gone, I started giggling.
"Wow." Dean hummed.
"I have a confession to make." Sam held up a hand.
"What's that." Dean asked.
I laughed louder. "Yeah Sam...tell him!" I held my stomach.
Sam flushed. "I...uh...I was the one that called them and told them I was a producer."
Dean laughed. "Yeah well I'm the one who put the dead fish in their back seat."
"And I-" I laughed. "I hacked into their site so their called Ghosterfacers...and that their names are Eli and Henry, and that- ha- and each time you open a page it just shrieks."
We all laughed together. Oh we were such bastards.
"Truce?" Sam prompted, subconsciously realizing that this mad power we cause a war between us.
"Truce." 'Starting now...or until Dean notices the frilly girly car candle I hid in his bags...now he'll smell like lavender.'
"Yeah truce." Dean conceded. "At least for the next 100 miles."
==DG==
He noticed two days later.
I cackled for another hundred miles.
==DG==
AN: I blame school for this being late. And also my not sleeping well. Who needs sleep? Well my therapist says me so...also it's Friday the 13th and I've nearly hit a black cat with my car. Not today, Lucifer!